‘Nuttery from All O’er the Land
According to SZ, we have a winner in our contest to guess who would be the first Townhall columnist to blame Michael Jackson’s acquittal on the decline of traditional values (or Clinton’s penis).
And the winner is… TG, who correctly guessed Cal Thomas! Congratulations, TG, you’ve won a DVD of the first episode of Bugtime Adventures, the exciting new cartoon that “blends the ‘giant’ world of humans with the tiny world of insects to deliver a captivating and entertaining message of biblical truth.”
Now, let’s take a closer look at Cal’s column:
What was missing in virtually all of the commentary and analysis of the verdict was how this case reflects America’s moral climate. The narcissistic generation has come full circle, from indulging children to abusing them; from setting standards to removing all taboos. Nothing is wrong any longer, because nothing is right.
Yeah, because most Americans just love the idea of having their children molested.
In such an environment, who is to say that anyone’s behavior should be judged? In the 1980s, some people rejected the notion of universal standards, asking, “Who are you to impose your morality on me?” The question became moot as the immoral have now imposed their immorality on the rest of us.
“And if anyone’s gonna impose their morality on us, it might as well be Christian priests, because it’s not like any of them have ever molested children or anything.”
Our tolerance for everything has produced an unwillingness to restrict anything. A jury (how could it be of his “peers,” for who could be said to be a peer of Michael Jackson?) found Jackson innocent of the charges against him.
But our culture is not innocent. We produced Michael Jackson, and, like the fictional “Frankenstein” monster, he walks among us as a living judgment to our promiscuous permissiveness.
I remember when conservatives used to mock liberals who blamed society for someone’s poor behavior. I miss those days.
And now, for some other wingnut news:
Because we just can’t get enough of The Rant, let’s take a look at JB Williams’ latest column, called “Why it’s Time to Deport Liberals”:
We have tolerated far too much already. America’s survival depends entirely upon our ability to foster and nurture true American principles and ideals. Those who would undermine these ideals must be no more welcome in our country than those who seek to destroy America through more brutal means.
OK, let’s start by deporting JB Williams, who has no appreciation for the American ideals of free speech, open dialogue and the right to peacefully demonstrate.
America can not be all things to all people. It can either be America, or it can be something much less. It is time to deport those who like nothing about the country that unwillingly feeds and provides protection for their ill conceived agenda.
Immigrants who seek to make America more like their homeland need to simply return to their homeland. If they won?t do it voluntarily, we should help them.
I don’t hate anyone… But I will no longer tolerate people intent upon destroying my country!
No, JB doesn’t hate anyone, he just wants anyone who disagrees with him (or speaks in a funny accent) sent to another country.
I hear France is looking for a few good socialists…
And I hear Iran is looking for a few good theocratic fascists. Let’s deport JB, Cal Thomas and Randall Terry to Tehran- I think they’d be a lot happier. After all, the Iranians would never have done something as stupid as letting Michael Jackson go free. No, they would have dealt with Jacko the old-fashioned way: by stoning him to death.
Finally, my friend Kristin Sausville sent us this touching story, which was posted at LiveJournal’s Christian Left Community (an excellent resource for sane Christians, btw):
The New York Christian Coalition yesterday expressed a “deep sense of sorrow” concerning the first Gay Pride Day being observed in New Paltz today.
“When a society has degenerated to the point of celebrating an immoral lifestyle that results in sickness and premature death it?s questionable whether that society can long survive,” said Rev. Bill Banuchi, executive director of the Newburgh-based organization. ” We put warning labels on cigarette packs because we know that smoking takes one to two years off the average life span, yet we ‘celebrate’ a lifestyle that we know spreads every kind of sexually transmitted disease and takes at least 20 years off the average life span according to the 2005 issue of the revered scientific journal Psychological Reports. Something is wrong with this picture.”
There sure is!
We’ll skip the comparisons to Nazi Germany forcing Jews and homosexuals to wear yellow stars and pink triangles, because that’s frankly pretty obvious. Instead, let’s think of some other fun symbols we can put on our more dangerous citizens! Let’s start with…
1.) Muslims– Since Muslims are all moon-worshiping suiciders, we’ll make them wear blue moons (and if they refuse, we’ll buy ’em a one-way trip to Camp Malkin).
2.) The Irish– The Irish, notorious for getting drunk and cracking us Anglo-Saxons over the head with bar stools, will adorn green clovers (hey, this is starting to sound like a box o’ Lucky Charms!).
3.) Foreigners– Although “foreigners” tend to come from different countries and cultures, we all know they have one thing in common: they all love soccer, that evil riot-inducing “sport” that God has mercifully seen fit to banish from our shores (although it can still be found in certain Satanic yuppie neighborhoods). Because all foreigners are liable to break out into spontaneous soccer riots, they’ll have to wear black and white soccer balls.
4.) Women– OK, so spotting these wily critters isn’t too difficult (they tend to have larger “breasts” than most men, Arnold Schwarzenegger excepted). But the more rebellious ones actually wear jeans and keep their hair short, making it harder to discern them from fellow dudes. Women will wear scarlet “V’s” on all their clothing (and I’d tell you what the “V” stands for, but frankly, I’m too godly for such dirty words… oh, and since women are notoriously crappy drivers, they’ll have to paint giant “V’s” on the backs of their minivans too, so men will know to avoid them when they’re on the road).
Silly Brad, women aren’t supposed to drive anyway, because driving puts them out in public where men can *GASP* SEE them. Saudi Arabia has the right idea.
As for the “Michael Jackson is a liberal posterboy” attempts, that dog won’t hunt. They should move on to ignoring Terri Schiavo’s autopsy results.
that dog won’t hunt.
By any chance, are you a Southern gal, Anne? 😉
Wait’ll I tell my dog about what I won! I see that the DVDs are based primarily on the Old Testament … does the first episode of Bugtime Adventures cover Song Of Songs?
— like the fictional “Frankenstein” monster, he walks among us as a living judgment to our promiscuous permissiveness —
predicated perniciously ‘pon past pedophile producing pluralities, perilously pondering prepubescents …
like the fictional “Frankenstein” monster, he walks among us as a living judgment to our promiscuous permissiveness
Isn’t this a pretty oddball take on Mary Shelley?
By any chance, are you a Southern gal, Anne? 😉
Why, yessir, I am a Georgia girl. I’m apparently the unladylike kind, though.
Why, yessir, I am a Georgia girl. I’m apparently the unladylike kind, though.
Ain’t nothin’ a big ol’ scarlet “V” cain’t fix, shugah! 😉
Brad, that’s downright obscene. 😉
Brad, that’s downright obscene. 😉
And you expect better from me? 😉
I’m gay and Irish*. What do I wear, a pink shamrock?
(*On my father’s side; he was Irish and Danish. My mom’s Italian. Don’t know whether that affects the label I’m supposed to wear.)
I’m gay and Irish*. What do I wear, a pink shamrock?
Yes.
BTW, Bill, I watched both the Turkish Wizard of Oz AND the Brazilian Wizard of Oz this weekend- Brazilian was much, much better.
“The immoral have now imposed their immorality on the rest of us.”
I’m confused – does the imposition of immorality on righteous folk by the immoral mean that Cal is now sleeping with boys, or sleeping with Michael Jackson?
Has Mr Williams, I wonder, ever actually, uh, read a newspaper? A Bible? The Constitution? *Anything*?
I’m not sure there was a completely accurate statement anywhere in his entire piece.
I have the sense that they’ve stuck him in a tiny box somewhere with a crayon and a notepad and they feed him buzzwords several times a day.
he narcissistic generation has come full circle, from indulging children to abusing them; from setting standards to removing all taboos. Nothing is wrong any longer…
Cal baby, if nothing is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
Have you guys ever “discussed” Dawn Eden on Sadly, No!?
You know, deporting people one doesn’t like is a surprisingly british idea. Willams wouldn’t be trying to turn America into England, would he?
2.) The Irish- The Irish, notorious for getting drunk and cracking us Anglo-Saxons over the head with bar stools, will adorn green clovers (hey, this is starting to sound like a box o’ Lucky Charms!).
slurred I’d like to see ya’ try to brand me, you rat bastard limey! (waves barstool menacingly)
3. Foreigners.
In Wingnuttia itself wouldn’t some of these terms be spelled differently?
ie. Furriners and Wimmin?
I don’t think the wingnuts know how to spell the real words.
“predicated perniciously ‘pon past pedophile producing pluralities, perilously pondering prepubescents”
[Im]pressive!!!
By the way, I know someone from New Paltz. No point about that, just trying to impress on you Yankees that we’ve even got people from New Paltz in NC.
I’m not sure there was a completely accurate statement anywhere in his entire piece.
He probably got his own name right. Don’t be so harsh.
I second Anne. Is Dawn Eden deserving of some snarky contempt? Sadly, Yes! Or maybe I’m just bitter because she banned me.
By the way, by “Irish”, do you refer to us Cath-o-lics exclusively, or are you also counting those God-damned sons-of-whores Orangemen as well? (wink wink)
Brad, I am English, Irish, German, French, Scottish, Maltese, Spanish, Norwegian, Danish, Icelandic, Swedish, and Finnish. I am a Christian, but not a conservative. Let’s just say I don’t like labeling sexuality, and leave that at that. Should I just shoot myself now, rather than attempt to figure out which special patch I get to wear?
I second Anne. Is Dawn Eden deserving of some snarky contempt?
Well, Dawn and I go way back. I’ve known her since we were 14 or 15. So you could say that we’re at different ends of the political spectrum at this point, but that’s as far as I’m really inclined to go.
Do… do you think JB realizes that European cultural norms, like, say, the english language that the piece was written in were in fact imposed on Native Americans by a bunch of illegal immigrants who wanted to make their new country more like the old one?
Mr. William’s entire culture is based on illegal immigrants.
Christ, I am tired of hearing Americans talk about the problems of immigrants in english. Unless you can speak Chinook or something, then SHUT UP.
Brad, I am English, Irish, German, French, Scottish, Maltese, Spanish, Norwegian, Danish, Icelandic, Swedish, and Finnish. I am a Christian, but not a conservative. Let’s just say I don’t like labeling sexuality, and leave that at that. Should I just shoot myself now, rather than attempt to figure out which special patch I get to wear?
Nah, just take JB Williams’ advice and leave the country 😉
For every Banuchi who comes up with this insanity, there is a Jason West, the Green Mayor of New Paltz, who performed same-sex marriages. Incidentally, the best way to work against Bannuchi is to show support West who currently faces 24 misdemeanor counts for marrying couples without a license.
Another Ann from Georgia who hearts JLC? This state may well not be big enough for the both of us….
And the obvious solution to the multiple brands is a good charm bracelet. That way Bill could wear his shamrock and his pink triangle, Kristin can wear her soccer ball and an inverted cross for being a left Christian, and Michelle Malkin can wear a… Michelle? Where’d you go?
Not only that (although my name has an E), but we appear to have journalism in common as well (although I’m a technical writer now, I was a journalism major at GSU).
First it was vegetables, now it’s bugs. What IS it with the rebos and their animated acid-trip “witnessing”? What next — small appliances (The Holy Little Toaster)? Elements (Groovin’ the Gospel with Germanium)? Primary colors (Righteousness Red; Bible Blue)? Geometric solids (The Little Isodecahedron on the Road to Damascus)?
Yeah, because most Americans just love the idea of having their children molested.
Reminds me of the line from Hitcock’s The Man Who Knew Too Much:
“Don’t you know Americans dislike having their children stolen from them!”
—-
Oh and small appliances are out, taken by Frank Zappa in Joe’s Garage–the Church of Appliantology, created by L. Ron Hoover.
Go on, admit that you love toasters! Go into the closet where the blender is!
Sorry…pointing out one’s typos is tedious, but “Hitcock” just looks too odd.
Of course I meant “Hitchcock.”