E-Fail

Well, this1 is certainly a riveting turn of events.

———- Original Message —–
From: Ed Hale2
To: William Bower
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 7:17 PM
Subject: Audio Tape

Hi Will: I have been in contact with the African Press International, who ran the Michelle Obama story. I have talked to them about releasing the audio tape they have of her. It would appear that this is going to happen. The format will be, I will bring the reporter on and let them tell us how they obtained the tape, and then I will run the audio tape, and bring the reporter back on to verify that it is the real thing. Once I have this done, I will place it on my web site, file for and get a copyright on it. Once I have this done, I will contact you with the link. What I would like for you, since you live in Washington DC, to do is contact CNN, Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC and MSNBC. Let them listen to the audio tape. I will then take bid on this tape. The starting bid will be 2 million dollars. Once you have received the high bid, we will break the money down this way, 45% to Bar H Farms Inc, parent copy of Plains Radio network, 45% to African Press International and 10% for yourself. If you can do this, please call me at 806-447-[XXXX]. Thanks Ed

That would be this Ed Hale and this William Bower. And also, as it happens, this William Bower.

If the email is a fake, this game is being played at a level that we can only admire.

But Confederate Yankee, Gateway Pundit, Stop The ACLU, Newsbusters, and the rest of the herd must still be feeling pretty positive about their endorsement of the original API story, given all evidence. And indeed, all of our jollity and sprightly impudence could recurse tragically upon us at approximately 4PM Norwegian time on Monday, October 20th, when the…

Oh wait.

But apparently, the train keeps-a-rollin’, as it were. Please give a warm hand to our next contestant, Mr. Jerome Corsi:

Author : jerome.corsi (IP: 167.136.[XXX.XX] ,[XXX].com)
E-mail : jerome.corsi@[XXX].com
URL :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=167.136.[XXX.XX]

Comment:
I intend to serve as a facilitator who will help you draw your own conclusions about Ed Hale. That is, I’ll be your “guide on the side”, not a “sage on the stage”. With my assistance, you’ll soon gain a deep understanding of how Hale’s sense of humor runs the gamut from rude and crude to disingenuous and barbaric. For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be new or especially interesting to you. For instance, Hale appears to have found a new tool to use to help him pander to prolix schmoes. That tool is denominationalism, and if you watch him wield it, you’ll unquestionably see why on several occasions I have heard him state that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that Hale has come up with proven methods to subvert time-tested societal
norms. All you have to do is let your guard down.

However sappy the national picture already is, Hale’s wisecracks are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious…


1 Story background here.
2 All IP, phone, and email data redacted.

 

Comments: 168

 
 
 

So, you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?

 
 

What I would like for you, since you live in Washington DC, to do is contact CNN, Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC and MSNBC.

Since you live in a city where none of these networks are headquartered and you have access to a telegraph and steam locomotive, please deliver my phonograph recording to them.

 
 

Any reason that tape looks like an ape suit in a freezer?

 
 

Sure, go ahead and laugh, but when you LEAST expect it, they’re I’ll be.

Um, WHEN you least expect it…

I said, WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT…

Dammit…

 
 

“Listen, Jerry, we’re gonna need a lot more than $2 million OK? Blood has been SHED! Blood has been SHED!”

“Now hold on, Ed” (in the background someone complaining about TruCoat), “I thought the deal was 4:00 p.m. Norwegian time, ya?”

 
 

Shortly after the Michelle Obama tape was auctioned off for $2 million worth of cheetos and a sammich, the files mysteriously disappeared from the African Press International offices.

 
 

If the lesson here is that wingnuts will believe anything, no matter how obviously ridiculous, as long as it reinforces their fantasy world … I knew that already. Thank you for making this mildly entertaining, however. It does provide a break from the “Obama is an Arab Muslim Socialist Terrorist and, what the hell, Gay Black Abortionist” howler-monkeys.

 
 

Why don’t they just put the tape up on eBay?

 
 

The fact is goddam, even I’m not that gullible.

 
 

If Elwyn Tinklenberg can raise $2M in two days, the wingnuts should be able to raise it much faster. Tinklenberg was limited to the tiny minority of Democrats and anti-Americans who, mysteriously, run everything.

 
 

According to a commenter at that last link, “Barack is going crazy on national news to get people to vote early and now. He is pushing hard for early votes, due to your tapes.”

Shouldn’t that be “early and often”?

 
Coach Urban Meyer
 

Well, well, well! The Cool Coach spies the loony libs here at Sadly, D’oh! getting a little bit worried over the Obummer’s flaws. Getting a bit worried, lefties? Worried about a SPREAD of VICTORY, perhaps? Worried that McCaniacs are gonna come out in full force to say no to Obummer and Joltless Joe?

Well ding dong dilly, you better believe that the Cool Coach sees it! You loony libs are runnin’ scared, afraid of the SPREAD of TRUTH offered by the Comeback Mac and Super Sarah, the Power Palin!

Badoodle-boo-yeah! You just got told, lefties! Urban out.

 
 

Wow, that API web site is one swell piece of work.

I especially like the little black-diamonds-with-questions-marks-in-them characters that they have sprinkled throughout.

It reminds me of the symbols used in downhill skiing, in the “Now, here’s a steep trail rated safe only for expert skiers. Should I take a chance and try it anyway?” sense of the sport.

 
 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

 
 

Badoodle-boo-yeah! You just got told, lefties!

God damn it, I just got told again. When will I learn?

 
 

[Updated with new link and add’l quote…]

 
 

Any reason that tape looks like an ape suit in a freezer?

*muttering*

fuckingratbastardRBbeatmetotheBigfootjoke…

 
 

Wow, that API web site is one swell piece of work.

Ain’t it just? I noticed that my eyes unfocused after about 2 seconds of reading Corsi’s scrawlings there.

Then I noticed the same thing happened when I tried to read the excerpt here. Huh.

 
 

Gavin,

Based on the Corsi update, it does seem as tho that $2 million will be, um, subject to a suit for fraud?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

The recording that shows Michelle Obama saying disparaging things about white folks is for real. It is not part of some elaborate dirty trick. The people who have seen her comments describe it as “stunning” or “devastating.” I have not spoken directly with the people who have seen the tape, but I have spoken to two of my friends who are friends with those who watched the tape/dvd.

I now appreciate somewhat how Cofer Black, the head of the CIA’s Counter Terrorism Center, must have felt as he tried to warn Condaleeza Rice and the Bush White House about a brewing terrorist attack in the days leading up to September 11th. And please, I am not equating the Michelle tape with the attacks of 9-11. Rather I am focused on the point of what happens when someone has incomplete information, which warns about a future event, and tries to raise the alert. Just because Cofer Black could not say in late July 2001 that the coming attack would be carried out by 19 hijackers on four commercial airliners did not mean his intelligence was wrong.

Those who want to vilify me for having the audacity to raise this warning can have at it. I ran up against similar attacks and skeptics in May of 2003 when I warned that the Bush Administration had cooked the intelligence on Iraq. It is only now that we get a Senate Intelligence Committee Report and a book from Scott McClellan confirming what I said five years ago.

Let me conclude with this–I think there is at least one tape/recording that will be released sometime after the August convention and is likely to be very damaging to the Barack Obama presidential campaign. While I hope that Super Delegates wake up and realize that Hillary is their best shot for victory in the fall, I realize I am swimming upstream. So word to Barrack and team–the tape is coming at some point and you folks better be ready to deal with it because, unlike the situations with Jeremiah Wright and Michael Pfleger, you cannot divorce your wife in the middle of a campaign.

 
 

Er, Coach CUM?

That was 4:00 PM Oslo time…YESTERDAY!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH The only fail more epic than APIs is YOURS!

 
 

Does anyone else get the same sense that I get, that Cornfed and Gateway and all them are trying to find a black woman to do a voiceover on a cassette?

 
 

The funny thing is, white folk don’t need MIchelle Obama to disparage us. We do just fine on our own.

OT: my friend has produced some really great Obama fundraising T-shirts that any nerds in the house will likely love.

 
 

Yeah, what Dragon-King said.

 
 

Did you redact the part where Ed asks them for their bank account numbers and says he is writing on behalf of a very important government official who is unable to access his funds?

 
 

What the fuck is going on?
.

 
 

All you have do is please forward by this communication important informations will allow to place tape directly in your bank websight.

 
 

fuckingratbastardRBbeatmetotheBigfootjoke…

Join us as we go in search of… a better Bigfoot joke.

 
 

Am I out of my mind or is the API site now blanked?

 
 

I’m out of my mind. Woo woo!

 
 

If that’s how Corsi’s books are written, he is breathtakingly bad. Just. Wow.

“prolix”? Is he TRYING to become the butt of Catch-22 jokes?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

I’m out of my mind. Woo woo!

Good thing, else you’d be missing:

The release has taken long due to the fact that API wanted to clear all legal hurdles and be safe from getting sued by any one. API and a US Law firm – LAW OFFICES OF PHILIP J. BERG has just entered into an agreement giving the law firm the right to represent API in all matters that may arise due to the Michelle Obama interview and the release of the tapes in the US.

 
 

API and a US Law firm

Yes, but are they a New York Law Firm?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

There are those who doubt the legitimacy of the tapes – but to those that do, I offer this one simple argument:

Teh Buttocks.

 
 

How does Philip Berg’s business model work? Since he seems to soley represent complete wackjobs (including himself) whose cases always end in dismissal, I’m guessing he doesn’t work on contingency.

 
 

“prolix”? Is he TRYING to become the butt of Catch-22 jokes?

Prolix? Buttocks? Get it? *winkwink*

 
 

LAW OFFICES OF PHILIP J. BERG

Lionel Hutz, Of Counsel.

 
 

I recommended that the API folks get that tape to Africa Bambaataa immediately! Stat! ASAP!

Then FOX News can talk with Africa Bambaataa about what it all means, because I’m sure none of you whitey’s can understand African like FOX News can.

 
 

Join us as we go in search of… a better Bigfoot joke.

(cut to Robert Stack in trenchcoat)

Tonight, on Unsolved Mysteries, the case of the missing sense of humour…

 
 

I’m not an american, nor a native english speaker, so could anyone of you sadlynauts confirm that the grammar/syntax of Ed hale’s email is, er…, questionable?

Also, as far as I know, nobody “file for and get a copyright on” anything. Or, maybe, I missed something and Norvege is no longer part of the Berne Convention (Or maybe the US)?

 
 

I’m confused. Does Will Bower have to show up in Nigeria before they deposit the $2 million in his bank account, or after they’ve withdrawn the $100 million?

 
 

Just released, McCain campaign job interview videos.

I am stunned. I never thought the 101st Fighting Keyboarders and Kerners Auxiliary could out-fail those dimwits. Somehow, they keep surprising me by redefining “inanity.”

 
 

Was Jerome Corsi’s letter written by the Insult Generator, or was the Insult Generator seeded with examples of Corsi’s prose? I am genuinely bumfuzzled.

 
 

Definetly the A team iis on this.
From Law.com. (can’t get linky to work)

Finding that a Pennsylvania lawyer had committed a “laundry list of unethical actions,” a federal judge has imposed more than $10,000 in sanctions and ordered the lawyer to complete six hours of ethics training.

U.S. District Judge J. Curtis Joyner’s 10-page opinion in Holsworth v. Berg is packed with criticism of the conduct of attorney Philip Berg of Lafayette Hill, Pa.

“Other attorneys should look to Mr. Berg’s actions as a blueprint for what not to do when attempting to effectively and honorably perform the duties of the legal profession,” Joyner wrote.

“This court has grown weary of Mr. Berg’s continuous and brazen disrespect toward this court and his own clients. Mr. Berg’s actions … are an enormous waste of judicial time and resources that this court cannot, in good conscience, allow to go unpunished,” Joyner wrote.

In the suit, Berg is accused of legal malpractice by former clients who claim his failure to respond to an ERISA claim against them led to a default judgment.

http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1122023117263

 
 

Par for the course, I suppose. Many of these people genuinely believe that Jesus is going to come back one day and kill Jon Stewart for them.

 
 

McCain is already outdrawing Obama in numerous sites.

For example, McCain drew in 28% of the population of Belton, while Obama only drew in 17% of the population of Kansas City and 3% of the St. Louis Metro Area.

That’s not even accounting for the fact that Obama rallies are not as large as you all think. For one thing, the organizers inflate totals by as much as 50%

 
 

I think PeeJ is trying to get us all to look at porn.

Thank you, PeeJ.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Thank you, PeeJ.

Seconded. It’s pr0n, but not the pr0n you think it is. It’s really just an incredible compilation of boobs. Some of them so hot that they are literally on fire.

 
 

Was Jerome Corsi’s letter written by the Insult Generator …?

On reading the whole thing, I think it clearly was; someone having a little fun, perhaps, or maybe Jerome’s just a lazy fucker as well as a lying piece of shit.

 
Josh St. Lawrence
 

Hi, folks. I haven’t dropped in lately because my doctor thought I might be missing part of my brain. But the tests show that it’s all there, just smaller than usual.

I want to take exception to yiour Bigfoot jokes. No serious researcher in cryptozoology would ever joke about “Bigfoot” which is properly called Sasquatch. There are several credible videos of Sasquatch. I can’t find any credible evidence for Bigfoot, nor have I ever seen any Bigfoot video. I suspect the reason there is no evidence for Bigfoot is that the Yeti killed them off long ago, thus preventing us from collecting any specimens.

I hope some of you will take the opportunity to learn more about the exciting and lucrative field of cryptozoology. One great way to get into the field can be found at SallyStruthers.com.

 
 

not the pr0n you think it is. It’s really just an incredible compilation of boobs.
Fortunately I am easily pleased.

 
 

Grand Moff Texan said,

“What the fuck is going on?”

What he said.

But wait–why the link to the November calendar, Gavin? To remind us that Nov. 23 is National Cashew Day? As if anyone here could forget?

 
 

Is a pumpkin a sasquatch or is it a gourd?

 
 

What would I do without Barack Obama to provide me with a non-stop source of blockish memoranda to complain about? First off, there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some “ideology” such as radicalism or Maoism. Specifically, I would unmistakably like to comment on Obama’s attempt to associate hedonism with teetotalism. There is no association. The next time someone says that the rules don’t apply to Obama, look that person right in the eye and reply, “Obama’s goals coalesce with those of gin-swilling uppity-types.”

Note that it is not uncommon for Obama to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole effrontive affair as some great benefit to humanity. He has stated that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength. That’s just pure obscurantism. Well, in Obama’s case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Despite total incompetence, Obama is often afflicted with an amazing conceit that causes him to engage in the trafficking of human beings.

Believe you me, Obama insists that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight. This fraud, this lie, is just one among the thousands he perpetrates. The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Obama? In conclusion, let me just say that one immanent characteristic of Barack Obama’s publications is that they show us a gross miscarriage of common judgment.

 
 

Fake Josh as the latter was eaten.

 
 

Matt McMahon said,

October 21, 2008 at 22:42

Yeti or Bigfoot?

 
 

This is just to say,

I have eaten the cryptozoologist that was tooling about in a long range submersible and which you were probably saving for insights into the Sasquatch.

Forgive me, but he was delicious. So sweet and so thorough.

 
 

Expanded and modified from that previous zoocryptology thread:

The sexual life of the sasquatch
Is stranger than you’d ever guess.
One day in the blindness of passion
He went for the ass of Loch Ness.

But Nessie’s posterior passage
Is blocked by the sounds of denial
Which accounts for the “big foot” of Sasquatch,
And Nessie’s inscrutable smile.

 
 

So many pirates freelancers, so little time before the election.

 
 

For example, McCain drew in 28% of the population of Belton, while Obama only drew in 17% of the population of Kansas City and 3% of the St. Louis Metro Area.

Wow, that Belton, nobody goes there anymore, there’s too many people!

 
Josh St. Lawrence
 

Like Jonah exiting the whale (not to be confused with Jonah the Whale) I survived my time in Nessie to be ejected through her poop chute in fine fettle though now resembling a right wing pundit.

 
 

I can’t find any credible evidence for Bigfoot, nor have I ever seen any Bigfoot video. I suspect the reason there is no evidence for Bigfoot is that the Yeti killed them off long ago, thus preventing us from collecting any specimens.

They all are posted here, Josh: Bigfoot.net

 
 

Corsi’s ’email’ has to be a cut-and-paste job… The phrase “I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment.” positively leaped out at me – it’s a quote from Charles Babbage*.

Also, the specific sequence “I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that ” occurs way too often to be real

*I had the full Babbage quote taped to my cubical walls for years…

 
 

For one thing, the organizers inflate totals by as much as 50%

Hunh. The St. Louis Police Department is organizing Obama’s rallies? Who knew?

 
 

Ddn’t Harlan Ellison write a story where the soul of Charles Babbage becomes trapped inside a software Letter-of-Complaint Generator?

 
 

Chief Editor Korir (emphasis in original):

API has an ongoing discussion with FOX NEWS on the best way forward in the process of releasing Michelle Obama tapes to the American people.

API hopes the negotiation will be completed as soon as possible so that the tapes can be made available to FOX NEWS in the next few days and specifically before the voting day – the 4th of November.

API will make use of Legal Representation in the US when finalising the hand-over of the tapes and on any legal matters that may arise after the contents of the tapes become public.

[…]

Now that the release of the tapes is imminent, as soon as an agreement is reached, API hopes that those who finally gets access to its contents will use them wisely, in a way that brings the American people closer to one another despite their political allienation and to be above racial behaviour and work together for a better United American Nation. API does not wish to see the information from the tapes being misused by those who may wish to satisfy their own interests and achieve a particular aim.

The release of the tapes will take place without costs to any one. The negotiation between API and FOX NEWS bears no sign of money involved and that has been API’s wish all along.

No sign of money involved? Now that’s un-American!

 
 

@Smut Clyde: if he did, I’d love to read it.

 
 

Obama rally draws 100,000 in St. Louis
The Associated Press

That’s only 3%?!

 
 

Who are Bar H Farms Inc. and Plains Radio network?

 
 

Oh, never mind. I just googled Bar H Farms and Google says “Bar H Farms is a pure bread [sic] cattle entity located in Western Pennsylvania.”

Pure bread.

Words fail.

 
 

why the link to the November calendar, Gavin?

Only one of many, many questions I have about this whole situation.

And no wingnutzes have yet made a big point of Obama using that old “sick grandmother” excuse to leave for two days in HAWAII just as the well-respected and totally not-made-up African News International or whatever is getting ready to expose Michelle Obama’s racist rage rant recording to the whole world? Slackers! It’s like they’re not even really trying anymore.

 
Chief Editor Korir-bot
 

API has an ongoing discussion on the best way to go forward in a negotiation to reach an agreement as soon as possible so that the process of releasing Michelle Obama tapes can be made available to FOX NEWS specifically before the vote allienation day – the 4th of November when finalising the hand-over of the tapes and any legal matters that may get really hot and wet with nasty action 24 hour girls direct to your room get off with no sign of bears involved or misused by those who may wish to satisfy their own interests and achieve an erection lasting three or more hours should see Phillp Berg finally gets access to its contents and use them wisely but may see side effects such as shortness of breath, nausea or visiting Free Republic the touchy interview tapes of Michelle Obama that has a good reputation in the US, one that has listeners interested in the erections lasting more than three hours we ask the readers to bear with us. We owe you the truth and the tapes being released.

 
 

Hi Will: I have been in contact with the Cryptozoology Press International, who ran the Bigfoot story. I have talked to them about releasing the video tape they have of him. It would appear that this is going to happen. The format will be, I will bring the reporter on and let them tell us how they obtained the tape, and then I will run the video tape, and bring the reporter back on to verify that it is the real thing. Once I have this done, I will place it on my web site, file for and get a copyright on it from those copyright people in DC. Once I have this done, I will contact you with the link. What I would like for you, since you live in Okeefanokee, to do is contact CNN, Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC and MSNBC. Let them watch the video tape. I will then take bid on this tape. The starting bid will be 2 million bags of cheetos. Once you have received the high bid, we will break the deliciousness down this way, 45% to Bar H Farms Inc, parent copy of Plains Radio network, 45% to African Press International and 10% for yourself-dood, that’s two hundred THOUSAND bags of synthetic orange goodness. If you can do this, please call me at 806-447-[XXXX]. Thanks Ed

 
 

Bar H Farms is a pure bread [sic] cattle entity
I for one welcome this dawning of a new age of genetically-engineered self-slicing steak sandwiches.

 
 

Grand Moff Texan said,

October 21, 2008 at 21:51

What the fuck is going on?
*******************************
Here’s the rundown:
1. In all her spare time, Michele Obama decides to give an interview to an “African Press International” organization that no one has ever heard of that uses a free Typepad account.
2. During said interview, Mrs. Obama decides to cut loose and really let us whiteys know how little she cares for us. Because, ya know, they are ALL the way over in Africa…err Norway, and Mrs. Obama is unaware of the Intertubes.
3. The same cast of morons and halfwits who claimed to have the last oh-so-shocking “whitey tape” pour forward like a bunch of retarded ants crowing about their non-existant “proof”.
4. The sane world yawns.

 
 

@Snort: The city proper is approx. 350,000. The greater metro area is approx. 2.8 million, so 100,000 would be 3.6% or so.

 
A bunch of retarded ants
 

Don Mega will regret that comparison, next time he goes for a picnic.

 
 

I for one welcome this dawning of a new age of genetically-engineered self-slicing steak sandwiches.

I cannot bear when the younger and smaller ones are slaughtered. The bunyips will haunt me to my dying day.

 
 

Slackers! It’s like they’re not even really trying anymore.

Can’t. Even the strawman got so sick of their crap he took a hike.

 
 

4. The sane world yawns laughs itself silly once again.

Fixey.

 
 

Obama’s grandmother is the one who has admitted tht her grandson was born in Kenya, so it’s no stunner that she’s being swept under the rug by Obama.

Anyways, it’s time for McCain to go on the offensive as Obama is away.

 
 

he must have a great lawyer to advise him on “filing” for the copyright.

 
 

We must stop the copyright filing or I will never be able to say “all dirt” again.

 
 

Anyways, it’s time for McCain to be offensive as Obama is away.

Fixey day.

Thanks protected static. I didn’t realize the metro area was so big.

 
 

Nevermind the Buttocks?

 
 

Okay, who let the cryptozoology people in?

 
The Goddamn Batman Wishes That He Could Punch Out People Over The Internet, Right Through Their Monitors, Biff Bam Pow!
 

Some people say that I should track down clowns like these and make them pay, but you know, I do one cybercrime case, next thing you know I’ll never get out of the Batcave and Alfred will have to put me on a diet. It’s like, the other day, Clark was all “you should tackle cybercrime” and I’m like “why” and he’s like “I just think that you would be very well-suited to do so” and I’m like “what the hell are you trying to say” and he’s like “look man you go out there all the time and wail on these dudes and one day you’re going to get your jaw shot off and you know that I can take them out without getting hurt even the Joker” and I’m like “as long as we’re talking about how powerful you are I gotta ask you something” and he’s like “whut” and I’m like “why haven’t you reversed time by flying around the earth until you change its rotation and saved John Lennon’s life” and he’s like “well even a Superman shouldn’t interfere in mankind’s destiny” and I’m like “it’s because all of his future albums would suck isn’t it” and he’s like “whoops there goes Jimmy’s signal watch gotta fly.”

What a farm boy.

 
League of Smarty Ants
 

WE OBJECT to the use of the phrase “retarded ants” in any context, as a juvenile insult against ants in general, or toward so called “retarded” ants in particular. When we find a “slow” or “incapable” ant in our army we eat them so they do not slow us down in our quest for colony growth.

 
 

We have found Chupacabra!

 
 

In Mexico, cheetohs eat chupacabra!

 
 

I voted early, teh yhey!

With two weeks left to go before the Real American Election, I can get to work using up some of those fraudulent ACORN registrations.

Anybody seen my Captain Ahab fake I.D.?

 
 

I voted early, again.

 
 

I voted early. I’ll do it again tomorrow.

 
 

I tried to vote early but I couoldn’t figure out how to use that computer thingy.

 
Every Hanna Barbera and Warner Bros. cartoon character
 

We all voted today.

 
Principal Blackman
 

I’m guessing he doesn’t work on contingency.

Works on contingency. No money down.

TROY MCCLURE: “Oh, this thing’s all wrong.”

Works on contingency? No, money down!

 
 

Every Hanna Barbera and Warner Bros. cartoon character said,
October 22, 2008 at 0:29 (kill)
We all voted today.

I’m betting nobody challenged the Grape Ape.

 
Joseph "Big Daddy" Stalin
 

I don’t give a fuck who votes. My buddies at Diebold and ESS will be counting them so eat my iron shorts.

 
 

I tried to vote today but the only registration they had was for John Bigabooty. Cursa you Banzai!

 
 

Diebold Premier Election systems

ftfy

 
Every Disney cartoon character
 

We would have voted today, but Mickey hadda go blabbing and blew it for us.

 
 

But Yogi, Ranger Smith’s not going to like that…

 
 

I will early-vote tomorrow, although I do love Election Day. I was explaining this to the Spouse tonight at dinner. As a Type A obsessive-compulsive sort he voted the first day of early voting “to get it out of the way.” I on the other hand actually enjoy standing in line to vote. It’s like people-watching at the airport. I like to eavesdrop on politically-charged citizens’ conversations, even if they’re not overtly Dem. It’s like a secular holiday, I told the Spouse, and I love it more than Thanksgiving which, given my vegetarianism yet familial obligation to serve a huge-ass dinner to 25 or 30 extended-family members each year, blows.

 
 

I’m like “why haven’t you reversed time by flying around the earth until you change its rotation and saved John Lennon’s life” and he’s like “well even a Superman shouldn’t interfere in mankind’s destiny” and I’m like “it’s because all of his future albums would suck isn’t it” and he’s like “whoops there goes Jimmy’s signal watch gotta fly.”

Typical of you ignorant punk rockers to disrespect John Lennon this way.

 
Self-important conspiracy bore
 

Superman was right not to interfere! I know people who told me sordid things about Lennon, and I believe every word!

 
 

I wupped Batman’s ass.

 
 

Bertha Butt and her three sisters voted today.

 
 

The fact is, Your Boy Obama is GOING DOWN. Hard. He is being exposed as a socialists, which means real Americans would never vote for him. You coastal eleiteists are as fake Americans as he is, and here in the Heartland we’ve got no use for you faggots.

 
 

bootay! tay! tay!!

 
 

It’s like a secular holiday, I told the Spouse, and I love it more than Thanksgiving which, given my vegetarianism yet familial obligation to serve a huge-ass dinner to 25 or 30 extended-family members each year, blows.

Tofurky, babe!

 
 

The fact is, the liberal media is in the tank for Obama, and they are not reporting on the poles that show McCain in the lead with the Military, keeping us safe, the vote that liberals want to disallow because they hate the military, who are keeping us free and the USA and freedom. They also want Shania Law just to be nice to Muslims but the 10 commandments — ILLEGAL. You faggots trying to get us all killed are traiters and should be shot and pissed on.

 
 

Worst fake gary yet.

Truly bottom of the Ruppert stuff.

Shove the eliminationist shit right up your ass.

And what the hell. The rest is just stupid, old and boring, so shove that up your ass too…

mikey

 
 

Orange Tom: Mais non, mon cherie. The flesh-eaters are required to bring their own dead bird products. I make pies, cranberry sauce, spinach salad and smashed taters and offshore the rest.

 
 

Gully Foyle said,
“I voted early, again.”

Good idea. What with the synaesthesia, the jumping around, the burning, etc. Better to get it over with while you can.

 
 

I didn’t vote today! It’s not my goddam planet!

 
 

The fact is, I think liberals deserve to die, because they make babies die, allow Americans to die without payback and they also poo and pee on our flag and call it free speech. Obama does not respect our flag, and we notice this in the Heartland. He will loose.

 
 

“offshore”? What am I even trying to say? “outsource,” I guess. Bah.

 
 

@Gary:

and here in the Heartland we’ve got no use for you faggots

Admit it, Gary… You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?

 
 

Any word verbs in English.

 
 

Where’s the picnic at?

Jesus Christ. OVER THERE.

 
 

The tiny hockey helmets are kind of cute though.

 
 

A commenter on the API Jerome Corsi thread:

Obama is panicking. His lies are about to be completely exposed. At that point, his only recourse is to stage a revolt, like in Kenya. Riots will probably ensue. He will encourage his sheep to go beyond getting into our “faces and arguing”.

Yow!!! Sheep riots!!! Lemme outta here!!!

 
 

The tiny hockey helmets are kind of cute though.

LOLz!

 
 

I filled out an absentee ballot at the Town House today.

For some reason, we don’t call it ‘town hall.’ Maybe it’s not big enough to be a hall? Or maybe the term ‘town house’ is more in line with the quaint and intimate atmosphere we try so hard to cultivate here. Tourists like quaint.

Anywhoozle, since absentee is the only early voting option available in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts, and since I gotta work on the 4th and will leave before the polls open and return only after they’ve closed, it was absentee or nothing.

I’m happy to do my part to put the Bay State in Obama’s column. It was looking pretty dicey there for a while.

John Kerry will probably also have the race of his life this time around. At least Jim Ogonowski failed to get enough sigs for a spot on the ballot. Ogonowski woulda creamed Kerry.

Ah, ha ha ha! For a moment there, I actually felt like a wingnut.

Whew. Where’s the bartender?

 
 

“Yow!!! Sheep riots!!! Lemme outta here!!!”

Don’t mess with the sheep!

 
 

Sheep riots are no laughing matter.

 
Dimwitted anteater
 

Nom nom nom OW
Fucking crunchy bits.

 
 

Some vote too early
and some vote too late.

 
 

“offshore”? What am I even trying to say? “outsource,” I guess. Bah.

Nah, “offshoring” your dinner sounds very classy, like having it flown in from Switzerland or sumthin’.

 
 

Outsource.

Offshore.

Offworld.

Off my rocker.

Outta my mind.

I’m messing around with a new Caprese Salad recipe tonight.

With the eloquent and non-carnivorous MzNicky in mind…

mikey

 
 

They also want Shania Law just to be nice to Muslims but the 10 commandments — ILLEGAL.

If this comes with a box of Timbits and some poutine, sign me the fuck up.

Mmm, Timbits.

 
 

Canned Heat, Sadly, No!, and shiraz….

…aaaahh

 
 

I’ll be your “guide on the side”, not a “sage on the stage”. I’m the “man with the plan” to guide you through this “bungle in the jungle”. We’ll “rule with the cool” and we’ll “bevel on the level”. This is about “truth raising the roof” not “spin for the win”. This investigation is “serious not delirious” and isn’t “pie in the sky”. “Why ask why”? Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right, Michelle Obama was caught on tape killing and skinning white children. It was awesome! I mean horrible, just horrible.

 
 

I’m messing around with a new Caprese Salad recipe tonight.

Ah, synchronicity! I’m trying insalata di finocchio from a recipe in the October issue of La Cucina Italiana. Simple and delicious!

 
 

The interesting question, especially if the election is effectively over before the polls close out here on the left edge, is whether excitement over Obama will bring out the vote that will defeat the repugnant Proposition 8, or will california’s disgust with Prop 8 bring out the vote for Obama?

mikey

 
 

I’m trying insalata di finocchio…

Dude, you’re making a salad out of a wooden puppet’s nose?

Isn’t that going to be kind of tasteless, not to mention hard to chew?

And waitaminute, didn’t they use Lead Paint to finish those puppets?

Seems all wrong to…

Huh? Really? You sure?

Ok.

Never mind…

mikey

 
 

Dude, you’re making a salad out of a wooden puppet’s nose?

Some would think so. Finocchio = fennel, sliced as thin as possible (break out the Bron Mandoline and watch yer knuckles), salt, toss with extra virgin olive oil (lots) and sprinkle with black pepper. I haven’t eaten that since I was a kid, just out of the Legion. Took a leaky sailboat from North Africa to Sardinia and found culinary Heaven!

 
 

They also want Shania Law…

Ah
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip
boom boom boom boom boom boom
Get a job

 
 

Jaques Pepin made a “fancy” caprese salad on one of his PBS shows. He sliced the tomato vertically, but not sliciing all the way through. Slices of mozz and leaves of basil go between the slices. Thing looks sort of like a bird. Then he sez, in that cute Frenchie accent, “In the restaurant, you know, you charge $7 for caprese salad but do it this way and you can charge $12 you know”

Among the funniest cooking show moments ever.

 
 

They also want Shania Law just to be nice to Muslims but the 10 commandments — ILLEGAL.

You know, if they outlawed the 10 commandments, many of these jokers wouldn’t miss six or seven of them, on account of not knowing them and all.

I think that instead of outlawing the commandments, we just replace half of them with stuff like “thou shalt not impose regressive taxation schemes” and see if anybody notices.

 
 

Those guys at API really need to have a chat with whatever developmentally disabled chinchilla passes for a webmaster. It doesn’t make them look good. Literally .

 
 

I’m happy to do my part to put the Bay State in Obama’s column.

Lucky bastard. As a denizen of a “so totally red state that neither McLame nor Barry X even bother to come down here,” I will as usual cast my basically useless vote for the Dem.

 
 

I’m messing around with a new Caprese Salad recipe tonight. With the eloquent and non-carnivorous MzNicky in mind…

Oooh, talk fresh spinach and mozzarella to me, baby! Can you still get decent tomatoes this time o’ year over there in Cali-forn-i-ay?

 
 

Isn’t it a bit tragic how many gyrations Republicans have to go through just to get an erection?

 
 

Is insalata di finnochio served with spaghetti alla puttanesca?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Isn’t it a bit tragic how many gyrations Republicans have to go through just to get an erection?

Personally, I like the gyrations to start after I get an erection – but I’m always game for something new.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Also, as a lazy fucker who thinks the idea of using a knife on salad is just way too much work – I like grape tomatoes, boccocini, basil chiffonade – simple oil, balsamic, sea salt and cracked black pepper dressing. I eat it out of a bowl. I call it a salad bowl. Salad plates are elitist.

 
 

Gary (apparently the real one) Ruppert said:

For example, McCain drew in 28% of the population of Belton, while Obama only drew in 17% of the population of Kansas City and 3% of the St. Louis Metro Area.

Ho. Lee. Crap.

I live in Belton, Texas. The incorporated area had a population of 17,300 in 2007.

I had NO IDEA John McCain had a rally here. It must have flown completely under the radar, unlike our Fourth of July parade and the Bell County Rodeo.

But what’s really scary is: WAS GARY RUPPERT IN BELTON? He had to be, right? Counting the people at the McCain rally to make sure the MSM didn’t fudge the numbers?

OH MY GOD, GARY RUPPERT WAS IN MY TOWN, COUNTIN’ MY DOODZ!!!!!!ELEVEN!!

 
 

The previous message by “anonymous” was posted by me. And these go up to eleven.

 
 

Hey! I’ve got Edison cylinders of Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers rapping Lil Jon’s greatest hits. I want in on this action.

 
 

The tape will not be published which will prove beyond all doubt that :

1. The tape was for real and
2. it was stolen by Barack Hussein Obama .

As bonus it will also prove that all Africans/Balcks are scamsters and it was all a conspiracy to make the wingnut blogosphere look foolish .

 
 

As a denizen of a “so totally red state that neither McLame nor Barry X even bother to come down here,” I will as usual cast my basically useless vote for the Dem.

Right there with you.

 
 

Thank you for the latest ride on the Lollercoaster – good thing I was strapped in this time. The cameo by Jerome “Swift Boat BS” Corsi is especially piquant.

The American Media has been disgraceful. Fox stands heads and shoulders above the rest

Well, give ’em 1/2-marks, anyway.

Bit of an enigma here, though – I mean with the API’s whole “we’re fiercely dedicated to getting Teh Truth about the Obama Tape out there to the public” schtick & all … logically assuming the existance of an API website means they’ve got a PC & a modem, why not just PLAY the friggin’ tape on a podcast?

Podcasting is an excellent means of spreading info that’s both instant & global. A podcast is basically free to anybody with a cheap-ass computer & a connection to La Interwebz. Sheesh!

Are podcasts banned in Norway or what?
Smells a tad like over-ripe kippers to me.

 
 

And I often wonder who would be so stupid as to fall for those Nigerian emails. I need wonder no longer.

 
 

So, when does the Rick Astley tape show up?

 
 

Protected Static: that leaped out at me, too. I think Parliament was asking Babbage about his machine and one of them asked if putting the wrong numbers in would still produce the right result.

One of the Axis powers had the high command questioning their scientists about atom bombs, and asked something like “This design requires a buttload of uranium. Why not use a similar buttload of conventional explosives?” The response was something like “Did your parents have any kids that lived?” I can’t imagine a Japanese saying it, or a German saying it to the Nazis, but I vividly remember reading about it. Ehh, it was probably made up.

 
 

@BB: That’s the one!

 
 

Jerkah,

Michelle is never going to give you up…

 
 

This is all a bunch of BS. there are nutjobs on both sides; I even heard how evidence will be leaked that – get this – the McCain campaign has spent a few grands of RNC money on Sarah Palin’s hair!

 
 

[…] I know. The punchline? There are still, even now, right-wing bloggers falling for this tragical shark-jumpery: Michelle Obama Tape to Be Released – Finally?****UPDATE: TODAY? Report of Obama Campaign […]

 
 

Join us as we go in search of… a better Bigfoot joke.

Try here, it’s Ed! He shot Bigfoot!

http://theregulator.net/?p=1503

 
 

BIGFOOT–It’s no joke.
Listen to Ed hale admitting to it
Ed Hale killed two of them, if you don’t believe me see here!!
http://theregulator.net/?p=1561

 
 

Hey Barry! LOL!

 
 

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