Pastor Swank on the election
Because I’ve mostly been working on mainstream wingnuts such as Bill Kristol and K-Lo lately, I began wondering today how some of the less literate wingnuts that comprise the conservative base are reporting on this year’s election. After all, if the folks at the National Review are going this delightfully bonkers over the prospect of an Obama win, surely more marginal wingnuts such as Pastor Joseph Grant Swank, Jr. must be going absolutely apeshit, right? Let’s take a look:
By Grant Swank
B. Hussein Obama betrays Christ.
Christ said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”
B. Hussein does not keep Christ’s commandments.
First, B. Hussein enthusiastically applauds killing womb boys and girls, even saying that if his daughters became pregnant “by mistake” he would not want them punished with a “baby.” […]
B. Hussein without apology endorses slaying those lives any time a female wants to slice-and-dice those womb infants. In that, B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum.
B. Hussein also endorses homosexual match-ups per his “Christian ethos,” a twosome he used in New Hampshire when assuring homosexuals that he would support their “marriages.”
And:
B. Hussein’s 9/11 look-back pro-Muslim
[…]
With all this pro-Muslim stance, B. Hussein covers it on September 11, 2008 with his characteristic political opportunism by informing Americans that they can best serve the USA via service to others.
The truth is that B. Hussein will give full service to Muslims: “I will stand with them (Muslims) should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.”
The Muslims will call “ugly direction” every day once B. Hussein is in the Oval Office. He will have to come to their cries of being discriminated against so that non-Muslims will become the persecuted minority.
It will happen.
And:
Young evangelicals for Obama? Never![…]
Their choice come November is to sit out the vote or go for B. Hussein Obama, known to scores as a mask Muslim.
The former choice is to give up our democracy in action. The latter is to vote for The Boy who has countless ties to Islamics, even hiring those on his campaign and Congressional staff as well as buddying up to scores of Muslims in the Nation of Islam.
It is abhorrent even to imagine that any evangelicals would vote for B. Hussein. It is unthinkable.
Those of us who are genuinely evangelical, knowing our Bibles, knowledgeable concerning biblical doctrine, could never think of casting a ballot for the left-of-left abortion-approving, pro-sodomy Democrat candidate. It would be not only horrific but considered by many of us as sin.
To sin is to know to do good and do it not. That is the paraphrase of biblical counsel.
Therefore, to know that B. Hussein is pro-evil and still vote for him could be concluded as sinning against what is biblically ethical.
How could anyone who is biblically aligned be in favor of the anti-Bible, anti-God B. Hussein?
This is the best election ever.
If this election had a giner, I’d marry it.
B. Hussein is up 10 points with three weeks left – where is your God now, dipshit?
O.K. that’s like the fourth time Grant has called Obama “Boy” in one of his columns. To dumb for code words I guess.
Don’t fuck with the womb boys.
If that stuff is evil, then just call me a Satanist.
Fucking fundies.
Um, Brad, see, the thing is…
At the bottom of each page reads…
(See RenewAmerica’s publishing standards.)
Um, yeah. Sure.
Womb girls are easy. Nowhatimtakinabout?
In America, base comprises wingnuts!
Speaking of Swankstah, whatever happened to Kaye Grogan? RenewAmerica has her last column at 9/11/07.
Oh, and I have been looking for the perfect name for my boy band since I was of boy band age.
Womb Boys up in yo faces! Oh, and I love you girl. Girl. Girl. Girl, I love you.
The Muslims will call “ugly direction” every day once B. Hussein is in the Oval Office. He will have to come to their cries of being discriminated against so that non-Muslims will become the persecuted minority.
If it were possible to increase your numbers just by playing the victim, McCain would be winning with 99% right now.
Remember, kids: you’re girls from the time Daddy gets a hard-on, but even think about not having a child and you become a female, you ugly slut.
Oh dear, Mary Mostert’s column on that site, while seemingly more coherent, is equally as stupid.
I think Swank has the left mixed up with Buffy, Slayer of Vampires.
I predict that after the election, all the wingnuts will go to The Mountain Toop, pray for The Rapture, and become vaporized by a few lightning bolts. Then the rest of us will take all their stuff.
Pastor Swank, maybe your god just doesn’t have his mojo anymore.
Yeah, I gave up on y’all after Bobby Kennedy. Turn out the lights when you’re done.
You know, Pastor Swank, I’m not entirely sure that’s how that kind of promise works. It might be because I was raised to believe in God as a loving father who consoled and comforted through prayer rather than an inscrutable, malevolent djinn who was obligated to answer our sorcerous incantations with supernatural favor, but I just don’t see President Obama being forced by the universe to declare a tornado warning whenever a Muslim sits on a whoopee cushion.
Call it one of those cultural differences.
The truth is that B. Hussein will give full service to Muslims
Does that include happy ending?
Does that include happy ending?
I think it just means that the Muslims will be able to sit in their cars and sneer at us as we’re standing in the rain pumping our own gas.
“…B. Hussein Obama, known to scores as a mask Muslim”
So… not very many people are in on the Obama-being-a-Muslim thing, then? Is the good pastor subtly admitting that people are getting wise to his peculiar brand of wingnuttery?
Or he will wait on them, and bring them refills of ice tea.
B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum.
I am totally ignorant about Transformer characters, and I intend to stay that way, so I’m not even going to as Google which episodes introduced “Christ Maximum”.
I think he wanted to go with “betrays Christ totally awesome radical” in an effort to reach out to da youngstaz, but chickened out at the last minute.
B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum.
I keep telling him, it’s “maximumly”. He wouldn’t listen to me about “statelily”, either.
You know what happens when you betray Christ maximum? Pain maximum.
You know, there’s a phrase about not being able to count to twenty without dropping your pants. This guy, I think it fits. He doesn’t use any numbers except “scores.”
I think he meant to say Obama was a M.A.S.K. Muslim, like as in the old 1980’s cartoon show with the cars that turned into planes.
Man, the English here is really rough. Does he write his column in some other language and then translate it?
Who was that mask muslim?
First, B. Hussein enthusiastically applauds killing womb boys and girls …
Now come one, that is totally an exaggeration. I’ve seen the videos of Obama attending abortion procedures and at best you could call it a polite golf-clap with an occasional huzzah.
Susan of Texas said,
October 14, 2008 at 21:31
Or he will wait on them, and bring them refills of ice tea
That’s motherfucking ice tea. Bitches.
B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum.
I’m almost certain he means “Christ’s maxim,” as in a fancy word for commandment. This is what happens when you skip all of your theology classes at Bible College to masturbate in your double wetsuit.
But Christ Maximum sounds like a terrible energy drink. Now with Xtra Righteousness and more corn syrup!
If we had known an African American candidate would make them go this apeshit, we should have been nominating them all along.
Next up: Teh Ghey Presidnet!!
“Womb…boys…and…girls”?
Y’see, after that steak-and-cheese sub goes down the hatch, it becomes “stomach turds.”
For all those jumping on the Truth in a previous thread by saying that fraudulent registrations don’t lead to fraudulent voting:
Investigators probing ACORN have learned that an Ohio man registered to vote several times and cast a bogus ballot with a fake address, officials said yesterday, as they revealed that nearly 4,000 registration applications supplied by the left-leaning activist group were suspect.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/10142008/news/politics/bogus_voter_booted_amid_probe_of_acorn_133540.htm
Keep hittin’ ’em, Truth.
Too busy playing video games to watch presidential ads on television? Barack Obama has found you, too, by becoming the first presidential candidate to buy ad space inside a game.
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D93QF82G0&show_article=1
That will help him with the under-18 ACORN voters FER SHURE!!11
See, language is very important to evangelicals, yet they don’t speak English – what they speak is a close relative, American, which is a pidgin with English words grafted to a glossolalic grammar.
You know, speaking in tongues? They’re always doing it.
Allow me to translate.
Those of us who are real true 1880 Southern Baptist 1987 Convention Christians in good due-full standing, knowing the Scofield-Ironsides exegesis of the Book of Revelations and its supporting document, the Anglican Bible, passionately ignorant of any other exegesis or interpretation of our own, could never accept orders from a RNC official [involving the] casting a ballot for the mobocratic Christian acceptor of basic reproductive and privacy rights including even natural family planning unconditionally heterosexual[*] Democratic Party candidate. It would not only be against standing orders by Church and Party officials but declared by many real true 1880 Southern Baptist 1987 Convention Christians in good due-full standing as error resulting in damnation uncurable even by a natural 20 in summoning a level 10 Messiah.
[*] – n.b. that ‘heterosexual’ in Evangelical involves hating and fearing anal penetration just enough to have brief, purely reproductive sex with a single woman bound by sacred 1880SB1987CCIGDFS contract; otherwise, women are generally regarded in Evangelical culture as morally worse than Communist cadres by default. They have breasts, you know. Real ones.
I think he meant to say Obama was a M.A.S.K. Muslim, like as in the old 1980’s cartoon show with the cars that turned into planes.
I had some of those toys. The K in MASK stood for “Command”. Even as a child that irritated me.
What’s with the “B. Hussein”? Like Barack isn’t funny and foreign enough or something. That’d be like calling the Swanky one himself PJ Grant.
Also, wouldn’t B. Hussein loving Jesus be homo-necrophilia?
Old Maximus gets all the attention.
he wanted to go with “betrays Christ totally awesome radical” in an effort to reach out to da youngstaz
Tha kidz here all talk about “betraying Christ brutal sick”. Then I chase them off my lawn.
known to scores as a mask Muslim
For once, Pastor Swank understates the case. Obama is actually “known” to millions as a mask Muslim. I would put it as high as 22% of the population.
Oooh, Swanky! [sigh] I think he’s just dreamy.
Go hose off, goober.
Your boy JISM the Third spoke at an ACORN rally in 2006.
mask Muslim > merkin Hindu
Wow, I have a new T-shirt:
“B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum”
Mask muslim? Is that like one of those Mexican wrestlers or something? Jesus Christ Maximum.
Christ Maximum. Talk about a fucking awesome band name. Think of all the purity balls and Liberty University formals we’d get to play – and then they find out that we’re really a GWAR tribute band.
Some evangelicals recall with regret that a major feature of early American christianity was the anti-Biblical justification of slavery. Pastor Swank , although he’s used Dred Scott as a shibboleth before (no doubt he thought it was over Dred Scott’s right to abort a white womb girl), seems to think that they’re traitors for regretting America and Christ.
I look forward to the day when Swank and Pravda represent the intellectual component of the Republican Party. Anyone with half a brain has already jumped ship; even the half-wits with a soul have already given leaving a serious thought. All they have left is idiots, charlatans, and bigots – and in Swank’s case, all three.
Too busy playing video games to watch presidential ads on television? Barack Obama has found you, too, by becoming the first presidential candidate to buy ad space inside a game.
That will help him with the under-18 ACORN voters FER SHURE!!11
Yeah, goober, because even though research shows that only 35% of video game players are under the age of 18, you know the demographics better than all dem book-learned elitist eggheads.
Also, I’m not real up on my Bible-learnin’ but as I recall Jeezus didn’t have a dad-blamed thing to say about teh homos. In fact, seems like the only reference at all was some Old Testament Leviticus-style blathering that also included guidelines for stoning one’s neighbor and for selling one’s daughter into slavery. Not that Swankster and his ilk wouldn’t go along with that sort of thing today as well if they could get away with it.
Chirst Maximum! Did you read about what the nefarious B. Hussein did?
(from first link)
The nerve! What about my plot to market “Halal” bacon?
PROTIP for PJ Swank: “Scores” means groups of twenty- usually under a hundred, so …scores of Muslims in the Nation of Islam. really ain’t that many.
Womb Boy is my second favorite my favorite Legion of Superheroes member, right after Matter-Eater Lad.
Yeah I was thinking also that Jesus didn’t say anything in the Gospels about abortions, even though those were around then too. But I felt it was more important to address Brad’s misuse of the word “comprise”.
Re: Scores
Maybe Swank is referring to that nightclub Howard Stern is always talking about.
Teh stupid! It burns!
Goober and Troof, sittin’ in a tree.
Goober and Troof, sittin’ in a tree.
Double-yew ay en kay eye en gee.
The Goof,
While we’re on the topic of electoral hijinks, what do you think of this?
Voter fraud is a bit of a sore spot for Josh Marshall:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/236958.php
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/237009.php
And now that he’s most of the way into the “respectable” category and being read by talking heads everywhere – I’d like to encourage talk about ACORN and voter fraud so that Abu Gonzales, Kyle Sampson and Mrs. Red State might get another crack at the spotlight.
Who was that mask Muslim?
I presume that the Swankster is voting for the unbaptized Baptist, then.
Ding dong dilly, loony libs! Looks like you need a SPREAD of TRUTH maximum! It’s time never to not have the Cool Pastor slam some truth down on you global!
Badoodle-boo-yeah! Urswank out!
Further, in the Old Testament when God prohibits homosexual practice, it is the three-person godhead speaking, thus including God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Note that in that godhead is the Second Person of the Trinity — Christ. Therefore, Christ prohibits God followers from engaging in homosexual activity.
I’m confused….. which one is the Masked Muslim? And will this be on the test?
Holy strangled syntax! Now I know who’s been writing those instruction manuals for “Made In China” appliances all these years.
Christ said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”
He also said that REAL Christians had to forgive sinners “seventy times seven” times – & it smells like Swank only misses that mark by about 490 or so. AMEN!
To sin is to know to do good and do it not.
Hmm, how, er, UNIQUE … I guess Swank reads a different Bible than I did – possibly the Oprah Bible or the Mister Rogers Bible – because mine says that to sin is to break God’s law. Period. It also says that all humans are automatically sinful by virtue of being born of women. What you know, good or evil, has sweet fuck-all to do with it. Repent or be BBQ’ed, FOREVAR – no exceptions. Good luck with that “my malice is exceeded only by my ignorance” alibi, Reverend.
If the Biblical Yahweh of the Old Testament is real, Swank is in for a VERY unpleasant surprise.
goober Says:
October 14th, 2008 at 22:04
BOOYAH!
The Trout triumphs yet again! One whole bogus vote! Teh LIEberal Conspiracy LIVEZ!!!11!one!
The fact that the (ridiculous) attempted fraud was discovered by investigators does nothing to weaken The Trout’s case – indeed, it is central to his point!
I’m sure the investigators merely admonished the fraudster, then allowed the phony vote to be counted.
Funny how Troutmeister has doodley-squat to say about the much more dangerous threat of electoral vote fraud – even after solid evidence of it has surfaced in every Presidential election this century. That’s not one obviously phony vote – it’s tens or hundreds of thousands of ‘disappeared’ ones … & oddly, they always seem to be those of black folks living in strongly Democrat-leaning counties.
Electoral Vote Fraud: a proud American tradition since 2000!
I see that lots of people have jumped on the term, but wow, Womb Boys. thats like the best band name I’ve heard in a long time.
Thank you, mask (muslim) man!
meet womb boys {points with cane} womb girls. these are the most beautiful people in the world, jack
Imaginary friends have made them all crazy.
Womb girls, womb boys, super star DJ, here we go!
It’s a back-up band name. Something like “Christ Maximumus and the Womb Boys.”
womb boys and girls
This phrase makes me think of two things:
1) The cirque d’soleil ringmaster in that episode of The Simpsons: “The cloud goddess, she is ripe with rain babies!”
2) The Scientology parody in that episode of Upright Citizens Brigade, complete with a take on L. Ron Hubbard’s linguistic prowess:
“For 3 human days, Johnny had been on the scary side of the moon, where the danger-aliens were known to roam. He opened his space-backpack to do an inventory:
One sleep-blanket.
A flask-holder of liquid drink-water.
Four holder-containers of nutrition-food.
Through his vision-glasses, Johnny saw a colony of danger-aliens and feared they might catch the scent of his nutrition-food.
The danger-aliens were out on patrol-patrol, hunting for nutrition-food. Johnny thought with his mind-brain, ‘I must bury the nutrition-food. I MUST bury the nutrition-food.'”
First, B. Hussein enthusiastically applauds killing womb boys and girls
It’s weird how, even trying to humanize a fetus, he manages to depersonalize them even more. Womb boys? Womb girls?
B. Hussein enthusiastically applauds killing womb boys
This is the 50th anniversary of the Notting Hill Riots.
I think this may be what you’re looking for, or at least in the ballpark.
Notice how there is no way to contact anyone at Renew America so you can tell them what you think of the postings they host.
Damn would I love to fill their in-box with some choice thoughts of mine.
[…] 14th, 2008 | 409 | Sadly, No! tracks some really weird people. In this post, they note somebody named “Pastor Swank”. They even excerpt a few of his […]
P. Swank betrays grammar maximum. Let’s try some machine translation to see if we can improve his flow with Google Translate. Original:
English -> Spanish -> English:
English -> Japanese -> English:
English -> Chinese (Simplified) -> English:
Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have the plot of the next Star Wars movie. I also tried Windows Live Translator for the English -> Chinese -> English path and got this K-Lo-esque bit of nonsense:
Christ Maximumus
I am so buying a bunch of those. For, y’know, lounging around the house.
B. Hussein Obama, known to scores as a mask Muslim
Stan Lee Presents the Amazing Masked Muslim!
Muslim Man, Muslim Man
Does whatever A Muslim Can
“It’s jest one vote, goober!! Nuthun t’see here! Booga booga!!”
Multiply that one vote by 538 and Gore wins Florida in 2000.
In 2004 the Dems didn’t cheat enough and didn’t predict Ohio to be the linchpin. This time they have learned from their mistakes. They’re stepping up the fraud in every swing state and, with 95% of the media in the tank for Obama, they are leaving nothing to chance.
Sorry to disagree with you, Truth, but Obama will be sworn in as our next president. And, like you, I will visit S,N! on the 5th to congratulate them on a con job well-done. The honeymoon with the lefty bloggers will end soon enough, when O! sends his “Truth Squad” thugs to intimidate them the first time they dare criticize “Teh One”.
You all think it’s going to be rainbows and unicorns. You will be in for a rude awakening.
The honeymoon with the lefty bloggers will end soon enough, when O! sends his “Truth Squad” thugs to intimidate them the first time they dare criticize “Teh One”.
So … so … so Oprah’s a dude, and she – I mean he – has a “Truth Squad” who will police leftwing blogs?
How odd.
The hits keep coming.
http://www.roanoke.com/news/nrv/wb/178770
Didn’t you hear? Gore did win Florida, activist federal judges interfered in the state and stopped the votes from being counted.
You all think it’s going to be rainbows and unicorns.
No, I think it’s going to be bong hits and blowjobs. C’mon, where’s your spirit of “Teh Left = Teh Moral Depravity!” and all that good stuff?
The hits keep coming.
What, you think it’s a good thing to disenfranchise students?
This is the best election ever.
I have thought that this might be the case since back in April 2007, when we found out that McCain’s finance chair, Fred Malek, was a dog-barbecuing jew counter.
Which is to say, he worked for Richard Nixon, counting the jews in the Burea of Labor Statistics because Nixon apparently felt that there was some conspiracy by jews to fix the numbers.
Also, in his younger days, Malek and a college(?) friend barbecued a dog.
McCain’s record of surrounding himself with quality people goes unchanged.
Now after reading Swank, I really got nothing. It’s like he’s sitting in the corner going “Blblblblblblblblbllb” with his finger on his bottom lip. He’s so fucking insane he should be in a Home.
Also, I’m not real up on my Bible-learnin’ but as I recall Jeezus didn’t have a dad-blamed thing to say about teh homos. In fact, seems like the only reference at all was some Old Testament Leviticus-style blathering
You’d think if the Wingies were going to stake the whole farm on one issue like Teh Gayz, they’d pick one that has a little more documentation, don’t you think? Like adultery or something.
“Keep hittin’ ‘em, Truth.”
I do, and it hurts, and nothing comes out! Is that normal?
I call “ugly direction”!
“You all think it’s going to be rainbows and unicorns.”
Well, it is pleasant to imagine a future where you learn to STFU.
“You will be in for a rude awakening.”
Indeed, You are too stupid to learn anything, so you will likely never STFU.
Hi major woody. long time no see.
It’s so cute how the person posting as The Truth and goober acts like anyone believes those screennames actually represent two different people. How many different troll personae can you juggle at once, Mr. Truth?
I can’t say this about many wingnuts, but Pastor Swank’s weird little diatribes always pique my interest. Not for the reasons the good Pastor would prefer, of course…it’s more like when I catch myself frowning at a small patch of dead grass in an otherwise healthy lawn.
No, that’s not it: Pastor Swank’s writing is fascinating like a seven-legged spider would be fascinating. Sad and unpleasant, but fascinating.
…known to scores as a mask Muslim.
Scores?
40 people? 60?
It’s so cute how the person posting as The Truth and goober acts like anyone believes those screennames actually represent two different people. How many different troll personae can you juggle at once, Mr. Truth?
Don’t forget the foul-mouthed “anti-Truth” guy, who is essentially Truth fantasising about banging his own mother.
I wonder how that comes out when you put it into the Yoda translation device thingy? Let’s try it now!
To sin is to know to do good and do it not.
Not, to sin is to know to do good and do it. Yes, hmmm.
Huh. Sounds pretty much the same.
To sin is to know to do good and do it not.
Is Swank one of the “good works won’t save you” crowd?
PROTIP for PJ Swank: “Scores” means groups of twenty- usually under a hundred, so …scores of Muslims in the Nation of Islam. really ain’t that many.
Maybe he meant “scores” as in musical scores…you know, the people who write music for the movies. Hey, they’re a neglected constituency.
Actually, I’m going to have to apologize to hte Swanker. the scores of Muslims in the Nation of Islam actually refers to all those hawt chicks that Farrakhan boned.
40 people? 60?
140, tops.
140, tops.
Yup. After that you get into “gross” territory, and that just doesn’t sound as good as scores.
womb boys and girls
Oh, man, I am definitely using that one.
Who is B. Hussain and why hasn’t he been arrested yet? Maybe if the government spent more time looking for terrorists instead of listening in on phone conversations we wouldn’t “B H”aving this conversation.
Interestingly enough, “To sin is to know to do good and do it not.” is the position of Peter Abelard.
Yes, that Abelard. The one that got it on with the very unmarried Heloise and subsequently had his gonads pulled off by her uncle’s thugs.
Abelard’s position was considered borderline heretical by the Catholic Church, and was quite different to Thomas Aquinas’ views on morality being based on “principles of life” and sin being deviations therefrom. Quite apart from more arcane objections, Abelard’s position is logically equivalent to moral relativism. (Abelard himself disputed this by stating man had an innate knowledge of good and evil via the conscience, but few people bought that line.)
It certainly wouldn’t fit in with a post-Reformation Protestant theology.
Those thugs, to judge by Obama’s previous behavior, will give the lefty bloggers a pointedly cold shoulder until they start frothing at the mouth for Barry’s blood.
Seriously, the Clintons are about as vicious as it gets in the modern American left and they haven’t exactly killed anyone; they just make nasty insinuations and play rough. Even Scary White Man Ayers only spilled blood by accident, and in that case his own organization’s. Obama’s been not just polite but strategically polite – the Terrifying Angry Black Man narrative you guys whip up whenever anyone to the left of Alan Keyes runs for Preznit just doesn’t work for BHO. He’s not terrifying, he’s not angry, he’s hardly black, and as I documented a lack of dispute over he’s actually a fungal colony rather than a human being. His response to the Clintons – as close to blood enemies as he’s ever had – calling him a nonentity was polite scorn, and then comparing him to Jesse Jackson met with tongue-clucking from subordinates.
And the voter fraud shit is pure fantasy. These woogedy-boogedy stories about bussing the homeless to the polls generally start as human interest stories, because unlike you the majority of Americans have a vested personal interest in seeing the worst-off in society done well by. You’ve gotten too used to openly frothing at the mouth about Habitat for Humanity and secret miscegenatory plots and extending the franchise to women; you’re extremists and even people who share some ideas with you and sympathize with your politics find your methods repugnant and your lies even worse.
The laundry list of GOP politicians and intellectuals either supporting Obama or quietly failing to support McCain includes dignitaries, soldiers, and doctrinaires. The GOP faithful supporting Vagina Cheney & the Reverse Ace includes Jonah ‘My Own Research Proving Me Wrong On Every Statement Of Fact Is Central To My Point’ Goldberg and Pam ‘STEPHEN HAWKING’S ARAB CRIMES MOUNTING’ Oshry. You couldn’t be more shrill and irrelevant if you tried, and I look forward to the bullshit you’re going to spend the next term trying to shill.
You’re gonna push sex scandals that exist only in the rumormongers’ pathetic, perverse imaginations; you’re gonna push race-baiting scandals that turn out to be direct rewrites of allegations made against Martin Luther King, and you’re gonna desperately flail at trying to infuse a woman who affected a Minnesota accent and a Deep South vocabulary because Alaskan English didn’t sound stupid enough with gravitas. And you’re going to lose 2012 to Obama, too.
Hell, at the rate you’re going I’d honestly expect you to lose 2016 and 2020 to Obama – whether the term-limit amendment is repealed or he just winds up being written in. You’ll lose to the Constitution Party in the next decade. You brought it on yourselves, you dumbshits.
Maybe not – but post-Reagan Reformation theology tends to be authority-obsessed to the point it would make St. ‘White is black if the Church so declares it’ Ignatius flush with anarchist rage. After all, only the Pope was ever infallible, and at that if speaking on doctrine ex cathedra – in modern Holy Roller theology, every Republican evangelical is. Swank could start quoting Positive Christian effluvium and his congregation would think Jesus was a proto-German killed by the degenerate Jews. (Assuming, hypothetically, they don’t already.)
Hel-LO?! John Sydney McCain? McCain?! Do we really want some drunk-ass, lazy, wife-beating, Guinness chugging leprechaun in the White House?
What happened to the “It’s Time Never for Homo-Nups Global!” clock? That’s my favorite piece of SadNo arcana.
What happened to the “It’s Time Never for Homo-Nups Global!” clock?
Waitaminute – I don’t remember that. I’m oddly intrigued.
the “It’s Time Never for Homo-Nups Global!” clock
This?
That clock is a real piece of work.
I mean, work of art.
Thanks!
MzNicky said,
Hi major woody. long time no see.
Well hello MzNicky, known to scores as a mask Muslim who enthusiastically applauds killing womb boys and girls. I call ugly direction every day to you!
This is now my all-time favorite salutation. Actually though, I might prefer to go with a hearty “Betray Christ Maximum!” Decisions, decisions.
Calling “ugly direction” every morning will be part of Sharia Law. Personally I’m quite looking forward to it.
Ah, that’s the sweet stuff, J—.
Swank is probably my all-time favorite cut-rate wingnut pundit.
Calling “ugly direction” every morning will be part of Sharia Law. Personally I’m quite looking forward to it.
Stand in the place where you live
Now face north
Call ugly direction
Wonder why you haven’t before
Hey Flip,
I believe it is considered most appropriate to face Washington, DC when you call ugly direction.
I believe it is considered most appropriate to be watching an Ed Wood Jnr. movie when you call ugly direction.
The Womb Boys, didn’t they do that song “Let’s Dance To Joy Division”?
Sorry to disagree with you, Truth, but Obama will be sworn in as our next president. And, like you, I will visit S,N! on the 5th to congratulate them on a con job well-done. The honeymoon with the lefty bloggers will end soon enough, when O! sends his “Truth Squad” thugs to intimidate them the first time they dare criticize “Teh One”.
Sorry, booger, the squads will be coming for you, time for a little payback, eh?
I just love the translation things, original;
“The Muslims will call “ugly direction” every day once B. Hussein is in the Oval Office. He will have to come to their cries of being discriminated against so that non-Muslims will become the persecuted minority.”
To & from Korean
“Islamite when once B. Hussein is in the elliptical office, ” The direction ” which is ugly; Will call everyday. He expense will become the ethnic minority which the Islamite oppresses and them of discrimination about shouting like that, must come”
I think you’re on to something, lobbey. Perhaps Pastor Swank writes a “normal” wingnutty column, and then translates it into and back from some foreign language. The trick is to figure out which one he uses, then we can write in the style Swank.
[…] * NB: Excluding people named Pastor J. Grank Swank […]
Stupidest. Analogy. Ever.
Perhaps Pastor Swank writes a “normal” wingnutty column, and then translates it into and back from some foreign language. The trick is to figure out which one he uses, then we can write in the style Swank.
There’s Latvian style Swank:
Norwegian style:
I know. Perhaps Vietnamese?
It’s like an infinite loop of Swank.
Brad,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for leading this guided tour to the Land of Swank. I’m always a little afraid to venture there alone, but I do so enjoy seeing the sights from time to time.
Holla attcha, womb boys and girls!
I was going to drop in here and say that I know of at least one evangelical who is enthusiastically supporting Obama. But then, Fred Clark is actually not only a clear but elegant writer of the English language: it might not be fair to P. Swank.
The Muslims will call “ugly direction” every day once B. Hussein is in the Oval Office.
WTF, I’m on the DO NOT CALL list!
All your womb babies are belong to us.
“B. Hussein betrays Christ maximum.”
Is that a new multi-vitamin?
“Christ Maximum, now with twice the vitamin C and piety!”
For once, Pastor Swank understates the case. Obama is actually “known” to millions as a mask Muslim. I would put it as high as 22% of the population.
Well, that is about 2,750,000 score… and seven.
I wonder if Swank’s weird dialect comes from trying to sound all King James-y and failing. You hear some of that around here in Utah, since there’s a fairly common belief – not sure if it’s official Mormon – that since the Bible is in that old style English, and the Book of Mormon is in a facsimile of it, that you’re supposed to pray like that. Because that’s the language God speaks.
SamFromUtah, I think that’s exactly what’s going on. As long as he doesn’t kidnap any young girls to take as plural wives, I guess he’s a harmless crank.
Now, now. That kind of thing hardly ever happens around here. Um, usually.