Shorter Patterico

A Third Version of Maliki’s Remarks

  • These straws are a lot harder to grasp at than they were a few years ago.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


UPDATE: MORE KERNERS!!!! MY KINGDOM FOR MORE KERNERS!!! ON THE DOUBLE, PEOPLE!!!!

After talks with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on Monday, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki reaffirmed that Iraq wants U.S. combat troops to withdraw from Iraq by the end of 2010, a few months later than Obama had proposed.

Ali Dabbagh, the prime minister’s spokesman, said Maliki and Obama didn’t discuss specifics during the hour-long meeting. But he said the Iraqi government would like to see all American combat troops out of the country by the end of 2010, a bit later than Obama’s proposal to draw down all combat brigades within 16 months after he’d become president.

“Barak Obama showed his support to this government,” Dabbagh said. “He came to listen to our views and the views of the prime minister. And the prime minister gave him his point of view about the presence of U.S. forces and . . . what we want from the forces.”


UPDATE II: Shorter Andy McCarthy:

Re: Maliki’s “Inartful” Statement

  • We’ve spent more than 4,000 lives to empower a government in Iraq that has long-standing ties to Iran and Syria, that has has expressed support for Hezbollah and that has given no credit to or thanks for the efforts and sacrifices of the United States and our armed forces, much less the surge. God, this war has been awesome!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 52

 
 
 

Life has become one face-saving little weasel after another for the Goppers hasn’t it?

 
 

Boy that “I am just kidding” thing… that’s hi-larious! And probably necessary, since I am guessing that Patterico’s regular readers might have trouble recognizing the heavy-handed sarcasm in the words he links to his “I am just kidding” post. Well, one of them might get it, but the other one definitely wouldn’t.

 
 

By the way, aren’t you concerned that invoking Mr. ‘rico by name might actually result in his appearance in the comments? Or are you counting on that?

 
 

Yeah, personally I’m hoping that he’ll send his army of Internets goons at me to research my history of pet purchases to see if I’ve imported a rare parrot illegally from Cuba.

 
Rare Cuban Parrot
 

Once my feet hit the beach, I was in the clear.

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

I’m really hoping for a guest appearance from Mario George Nitrini. I miss Mario. He’s wacky, but he’s nice.

 
 

Yes, Mario will protect us. He always does.

 
 

MORE KERNERS!!!! MY KINGDOM FOR MORE KERNERS!!! ON THE DOUBLE, PEOPLE!!!!

Sorry, I’m afraid the Kerning Office is tied up at the moment, working on a big project: Obama’s birth certificate.

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

What happens if Mr. Bath Bear attacks and Mario doesn’t arrive?

 
 

Yeah, personally I’m hoping that he’ll send his army of Internets goons at me to research my history of pet purchases to see if I’ve imported a rare parrot illegally from Cuba.

You’ve played right into my hands, fool!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 
 

“combat troops”

wtf?

not the 80-100,000 security troops needed to protect all the personnel and materiel on those 50 or so ‘temporary’ bases the USer/Busheviks have built…

obama’s NOT Gonna Change a farking thing, folks

 
 

Sorry, I’m afraid the Kerning Office is tied up at the moment, working on a big project: Obama’s birth certificate.

Eggzactly. And no amount of your liberal mutilated rabbits on our doors will stop us.

 
Flummoxed GOP Strategist
 

Obama met with al-Maliki? Whillikers, our Jukebox Johnny hasn’t done that. So it must be a bad thing for him to do, right?

 
 

Look, you wingnut dopes, he said it. Said it, meant it, the end.

You’re totally doing it wrong. If you want to offer a comeback to Maliki’s remarks, why not go the Chuckles Krauthammer way and just say we should have overthrown the guy in the first place? I mean, it’s still wrong, but at least it’s not completely yuk-yuk-holy-moly-these-people-are-morons on its face.

As for the kerners, I recall seeing a post on No Quarter a week ago demanding Obama put up the real birth certificate by a certain deadline, at which point I’m assuming Flowbee will, um, either crack open another case of Mountain Dew Game Fuel or release a tape of himself doing an impression of Michelle Obama saying “whitey,” which ever once takes the least amount of effort.

 
 

MORE KERNERS!!!! MY KINGDOM FOR MORE KERNERS!!!

Oh, there are more kerners. If you ever wondered if was possible for a group of people to disappear up their own asses while simultaneously shitting themselves in panic, the answer oh, hell yes. Eagerly.

 
 

IS. The answer IS.

 
 

Yeah, I think we should always refer to Patterico as “PATTECLUCKO” in homage of Mario.

_____________________
The Three Investigators and the Mystery of the Laughing Shadow

 
 

woody, tokin librul said,

July 21, 2008 at 17:37

“combat troops”

wtf?

not the 80-100,000 security troops needed to protect all the personnel and materiel on those 50 or so ‘temporary’ bases the USer/Busheviks have built…

obama’s NOT Gonna Change a farking thing, folks

As one of the most liberal members of this blog, I must question woody’s sincerity as a liberal.
Were he a really liberal liberal, he would have held Obama accountable for starting a war with Iran and for nuking Pakistan.

 
 

The three stages of wingnuttery on this issue.

Stage One:

It was all a mistranslation. He couldn’t possible have said that.

False!

Stage Two:

Okay, fine, he may have said what he said. But he’s merely feeling democratic pressure from below.

True, but if we’re building a Democracy there, ain’t that a good thing?

Um, um…

Stage Three:

He’s a foreigner aligned with our enemies, yeah, that’s it. We should invade his country and depose him.

 
 

Whatever happened to that Ahmed Chalabi fellow? Free Iraq could use a real leader like him, enough of these terrorist-supporting Maliki types.

 
 

#pedestrian said, July 21, 2008 at 18:01:
Whatever happened to that Ahmed Chalabi fellow? Free Iraq could use a real leader like him, enough of these terrorist-supporting Maliki types.

since the ICORP of Iraq began, I have been predicting that Chalabi, if he lives, will be the next Saddam…

 
 

The kerners have yet to answer this: If these Obama docs were somehow bogus, which they aren’t, how did he, his family, and his staff manage to get him this deep into a presidential election? How did he pass such a complete fake off upon registering in the first place?

The only answer I’ve heard is the usual no one would daaaare call out a black man, because humina humina Jesse Jackson humina humina Al Sharpton humina stuff, which is a big fat non-answer.

 
 

HTML Mencken, i REALLY wish i’d thought of your nym…

 
 

When it was time to promote Teh SURGE(TM)!!!, we were honor-bound to support the Purple Finger Democracy which for the first time ever allowed Iraqis to choose their own Democratic leader, and our Commanders On The Ground were so brilliant as to be able to use Iranian-allied Shi’a politicians for our own goals, and pause 1 2 3, wipe away tears, turn 1 2, slow salute toward poster of eagle crying over smoking WTC’s.

When al-Maliki finally publicly suggests that, you know, it’s been kind of nice, and they’ve really appreciated all ‘we’ve done for them’, but, maybe in a year or so, you know, they thought it would be nice if they could have the place to themselves…

Now suddenly al-Maliki is a subversive anti-American terrorist allied Iranian puppet.

Good work!

 
 

That’s some serious mental masturbating going on over at Atlas Shrugs: Obama might have been born in Kenya and his Kenyan birth certificate destroyed. Then he was taken to Hawaii and, after growing up with radical anarchists and Muslims in Hawaii and Indonesia, had a false birth certificate created so he could run for president against a guy born in Panama. Don’t these people know we have drugs for this kind of delusional thinking? (Unless your delusional thinking is evangelical. Then it’s OK.)

 
 

I wonder how long it will take before Maliki starts disappearing from photos.

 
 

Shorter Haiku

Be aware of all
internet traditions
understand “shorter”

 
 

Shorter Haiku

Be aware of all
internet traditions
understand “shorter”

Con su permiso:
Shorter Haiku

Be ‘ware of all
internet traditions.
Get It? “Shorter…”

shortening all lines by one syllable from the traditional 5-7-5 syllable, and installing the “meta” of the typical haiku summative phrase…

I couldn’ta done it without ya,…

 
 

Maliki does not speak for Iraq. I speak for Iraq.

 
 

New GOP Talking Point: Fuck The Autistic!!!!

Courtesy of “the good” Roger Ailes who did the heavy lifting…and then some.
From a Savage Nation diatribe:
SAVAGE: “I’ll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out. That’s what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they’re silent? They don’t have a father around to tell them, ‘Don’t act like a moron. You’ll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.'”

“[I]f I behaved like a fool, my father called me a fool. And he said to me, ‘Don’t behave like a fool.’ The worst thing he said — ‘Don’t behave like a fool. Don’t be anybody’s dummy. Don’t sound like an idiot. Don’t act like a girl. Don’t cry.’ That’s what I was raised with. That’s what you should raise your children with. Stop with the sensitivity training. You’re turning your son into a girl, and you’re turning your nation into a nation of losers and beaten men. That’s why we have the politicians we have.”

To summarize: Add the autistic community to the enemies of Amerika list alongside Muslims, Mexicans, queers, Hollywood, unions, scientists, teachers, intellectuals, and libruls.

 
 

Q: What’s the difference between Obama and Osama?

A: The Republicans are tryin to get Obama.

Q: What do Obama and Osama have in common?

A: The Republicans haven’t laid a glove on either.

 
Scansion Police
 

But with no kigo
Your haiku is bleak, barren
Like a winter’s frost

 
 

I think the fact that the winguts want us to stay in Iraq even after the Iraqi people and Iraqi government want us to leave shows that they really never gave a shit about spreading democracy. It should have been obvious ever since Bremer canceled early elections and imposed his free market utopia on Iraq by fiat.

 
 

Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.

Is this Savage’s self-diagnosis of autism, then?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

A Third Version of Maliki’s Remarks

OMG?!?! This is obviously a conspiracy. I mean is it even possible to honestly translate a single text into multiple versions? Obviously not!

 
 

Hoosier: X for Xcellent

 
The Always Evolving Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Robot
 

Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Heh. Indeed. We’re winning, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Read the whole thing. Obama is about to pivot on Iraq, but, um, the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy! Dude, where’s my recession? Mickey Kaus says Obama is doomed, but the Iraqi call for a timetable is, um, wrong because of…thingy!

 
Grand Moff Texan
 

Is this Savage’s self-diagnosis of autism, then?

No, those are the only words his father ever said to him.
.

 
 

Tokin Librul cries.
Hot pavement in the summer.
More salt on the road.

 
 

What happens if Mr. Bath Bear attacks and Mario doesn’t arrive?

We tell the bloviating fartnozzle that the California taxpayers get little enough for their money when his workday is devoted to the tasks on his HR description.

I think Pedestrian’s correct, though — what’s the betting line on Maliki getting “accidentally” assassinated between now and the Denver convention?

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

I like you, Anne Laurie.

 
 

We’ve spent 4000 lives to empower a government that has LONGSTANDING TIES to ITS NEIGHBORS! How dare they? And how dare Iran think that it has the right to defend itself against the chaos next door that we created, or even the right to attempt to forge relationships with adjacent countries? The treachery!

 
 

ht: http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/16268.html#more-16268

Update: Chris Hayes had a classic line on this story: “What’s truly amazing about this turn of events is that it more and more looks like the Prime Minister of Iraq is going to help engineer regime change back in the U.S.”

• Very soon we will be told “The mice will see you now”

• Quickly followed by Chalabi saying “thanks for all the fish” as he gets on a flight to Iran.

• Anyone going to join me for Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters?

“better sense of humor over here”

 
 

All that malfunctioning goodness, PLUS it EVOLVES.

I doff my cap, sir.

 
 

New Improved Shorter Haiku in exiting self help manual title format !
Now with added kigo !
If you believe in yourself, focus and work hard for the next two months you can

Be aware of all
internet traditions !
Grasp “shorter” this fall !

 
 

Reason for War in Iraq.

Imminent nuclear attack.
They were aiding the terrorists.
Spread democracy.
Make those bitches do what we tell them.

 
 

Nah. Iraq is similar to Iran, in that a lot of the REAL power is consolidated in the Grand Ayatollahs, particularly Sistani.

If you remember, the original plan was to install a leader and promise only parliamentary elections at some point. It was Sistani who forced bush to call for a “one-man one-vote” election, which ensured that Shiite leadership aligned with Iran would win.

So whacking Maliki won’t get it done. They have to decide if it’s worth the risk to kill Sistani…

mikey

 
 

“Ali Dabbagh…”

Anyone else read that as ‘Dagobah’, at first? Anyone? No?

 
 

Hey, everyone. Sorry I’m late. Where’s Mario?

_________

The A.J. Pierzynski Case

 
 

Anyone else read that as ‘Dagobah’, at first? Anyone? No?

Not only that, in my head sounded just like a syntactically correct Yoda.

 
 

um… he did.

 
 

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