Satan Osama, thy colour is red!

redjalapeno draws our attention to this FrontPage published, Lowell Ponte authored column:

THE NECKTIE JOHN KERRY WEARS during the next two presidential debates might be a secret semaphore revealing where his loyalty lies. During much of the campaign Kerry has worn neckties whose pattern, suggests New York journalist Joan Swirsky, is like a secret signal of support to the Muslim world.

If you want to go back and read that thing again (we recommend a minimum of 5 times, although your mileage may vary,) please do so now. Ready? Well then, let’s get ready to rumble.

Many of you, we must assume, are familiar with Joan Swirsky, (known to her friends and Alan as the human poodle.)


After all, there aren’t many journalists out there who are as versatile as she is:

This is the website of award-winning author and journalist Joan Swirsky, whose books address pregnancy, childbirth and spirituality; breast cancer; lymphedema, cosmetic laser surgery, true crime, true-and-lasting love and childhood mental illness.

We suspect, even though she doesn’t admit it, that Joan also knows a lot about adulthood mental illness. You certainly have to give her credit for knowing a lot about John Kerry’s personal life:

“Why else would the richest man in the Senate ? a man whose pricey wardrobe is laid out for him daily by his personal valet ? wear only one necktie during almost all of his public appearances?” asked Swirsky in a September 20 column. “And that necktie ? albeit not in a thin muslin or coarse cotton but probably woven from the finest silk ? a replica in its pink and white pattern of the Arabs’ favorite headdress, the kefiyyah.”

If only Kerry could follow Bush’s lead in never wearing ties “woven from the finest silk,” then Americans could finally consider voting for him. As things stand however, that treasonous behavior cannot be tolerated:

I will not sacrifice the United States of America, I have made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They stop wearing blue ties, and we fall back. They wear the finest woven silk, and we fall back. But not again, the line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

It’s even better when you juxtapose sections from two consecutive paragraphs:

“Why else would the richest man in the Senate […] wear only one necktie during almost all of his public appearances?” […] An examination of campaign photographs shows Kerry wearing several neckties with pink or red patterns[.]

One tie? Two ties? Many ties?!? Somebody better get Cardinal Ximinez on the phone, because we sure as hell didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.

Red patterns, red patterns… Who else do we know that wears ties with red patterns? This guy? That guy? Or maybe his dad? Or the son again? Can we ask Joan for advice on the treatment of cognitive dissonance?

Perhaps Kerry merely likes pink, and in his family his powerful wife Teresa wears the male-color blues.

  • Laura Bush is a man baby! (*)
  • Now would be a good time to scroll up and check out Joan’s dress in the picture she posted to her web site.

    We have to add that we’re confused as well, because Naomi just told us that Teresa wears that “no one in the heartland black” all the time.

    And Kerry has always demonstrated an affinity for reds.

    Why don’t you just color Lowell and Joan clueless fucktard dumb?

  • Comments: 21


    No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

    Our main weapon is fear!

    Fear and Surprise!

    Out TWO main weapons are Fear and Surprise!

    And a ruthless devotion to the Pope.

    Our THREE main weapons…


    It tastes like burning!


    Come on, now. If he’s wearing red silk ties, why would anyone equate that with supporting the Arabs when it’s quite clearly a symbol of support for Red China?


    If he was sending a signal to the muslim world, wouldn’t it be a GREEN tie?


    HEY! All you nay-sayers! It’s hard work writing a column for FrontPage Magazine! It would be even more work if she had to do “research” and use “facts” rather than intuition and keen observation skills. Stop challenging this obviously already super-challenged poodle woman.


    As I’ve said before — don’t these people even bother to re-read what they’ve written?

    Jesus tap-dancing Christ.


    Red’s a power tie color. Why is this a mystery? And silk ties aren’t *that* expensive. Why even G. W. Bush can afford one!


    I love it when these morons try to use big words like semaphore, even when they don’t make sense.


    I guess pictures don’t work in the comments, but you can learn how to semaphore CFD on this page. 🙂


    Ms. Swirsky is writing for people who never wear ties. Even the least-expensive ties they sell on the street kiosks are silk. I have a couple of non-silk ties, but they’re not business ties (even though I used to wear them to work, occasionally).

    Kerry does have a preference for pink and salmon ties, though for the debates, both he and Bush went for the red tie. Normally, Bushie goes for the baby-blue. A cynical play for Muslim votes (and notice that the writers fail to distinguish between Christian and Muslim Arab-American voters) would probably go for the green tie. And even then, I doubt anyone would care.

    We haven’t seen a good use of tie-as-semaphore signalling since Clinton wore the tie Monica bought for him on the day she testified to the federal grand jury.


    Ah Seb is back and in peak form. And he owes me for a new keyboard that was ruined because of the photo juxtaposition.


    “And that necktie ? albeit not in a thin muslin or coarse cotton but probably woven from the finest silk ? a replica in its pink and white pattern of the Arabs’ favorite headdress, the kefiyyah.”

    Wouldn’t a muslin tie be *more* indicative of Muslim ties?


    Hey-zues Crisco! I’m glad I had enough sense to get one of those silicone keyboard covers….but that won’t help the wall-to-wall. Anybody out there know how to treat coffee stains on carpeting? Is it club soda? Seriously, I’ve got a real mess on my hands! (“Now would be a good time to scroll up and check out Joan’s dress in the picture she posted to her web site” That was DEADLY!!).


    You think Coulter is whacky? Well, ok she is. Anyhow, check out the comment section, that’s where the real loons hangout.
    In fact, I challenge all of you to visit the comment section, and then leave without posting something. It’s hard man, I tell ya it’s hard….

    (Being a closet orthinologist, I apologize for using ‘loon’ in this context.)


    One tie, two tie
    Red tie, blue tie
    This one has a little red star
    This one says, “blow up a car!”
    Gee, what a lot of ties there are


    When the guy you support is a lying crap weasel (hey, I just called the President of the United States a “lying crap weasel”–everyone drink a shot of Blanton’s Bourbon) who is being attacked on his record of complete failure, and the guy you don’t support is a decent man with a history of service to his country and success in that service, when the guy you support is a venal idiot with a complete lack of integrity as befits a lying crap weasel (knock back another one) and the guy you don’t support is not concerned with his personal wealth (by the way, he isn’t the richest man in the Senate–it’s Teresa’s money and there’s a pre-nup), then all you can come up with is stupidass junk like “His tie is red.”

    What an idiotic piece of nonsense.



    You read the comments section didn’t you?!?!

    Doooon’t gooooo there, it’s like that Medusa thing….


    Huh? Not sure what you’re refering to. Which comments section?

    And I don’t know where I first heard it, but I’ve been saying “crap weasel” for a while. I just don’t write it that often, and have never before used the expression in conjunction with the POTUS. But this POTUS is a lying crap weasel (bottoms up!), so it seems apt.



    Seb, she’s gone Amber Pawlik! I expect a Sadly, No! takedown posthaste!


    Unfortunately, I’m so clueless fucktard dumb that I can’t write a proper hyperlink. You may call me, Trying To Link!


    The Presidential Word Count Part Deux

    The Presidential Word Count for Debate #2 – Now with 75% fewer al Qaeda agents!


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