Are there any niggers here tonight? Could you turn on the house lights, please, and could the waiters and waitresses just stop serving, just for a second? And turn off this spot. Now what did he say? “Are there any niggers here tonight?” I know there’s one nigger, because I see him back there working. Let’s see, there’s two niggers. And between those two niggers sits a kike. And there’s another kike— that’s two kikes and three niggers. And there’s a spic. Right? Hmm? There’s another spic. Ooh, there’s a wop; there’s a polack; and, oh, a couple of greaseballs. And there’s three lace-curtain Irish micks. And there’s one, hip, thick, hunky, funky, boogie. Boogie boogie. Mm-hmm. I got three kikes here, do I hear five kikes? I got five kikes, do I hear six spics, I got six spics, do I hear seven niggers? I got seven niggers. Sold American. I pass with seven niggers, six spics, five micks, four kikes, three guineas, and one wop.

The nip fumed through the whole sordid performance, alone and unloved.

The difference between the two kinds of ethnic humor in the mode now is that one generally targets white people and one generally doesn’t.

The former tends to be more lurid and less restrained – that is, outside of polite company. This is because nobody is going out and lynching white people, there’s no need for a NAAWP to keep polite society open to white people, no need for a White College Fund to keep white youths from being forced into crime and drugs by a society that holds them in contempt, no legacy of slavery shot through white history, no rootlessness and impotent rage in every syllable of the white poetic.

In general, the people you can tell the nastiest jokes about have made it; nobody looks at them funny in polite society or expects them to behave like an ethnic cutout. I can tell you the one about the Neapolitan with the bald tires (dago wop wop wop) with a straight face, but the level of hate slung at even fairly well-off minorities (say, the Chinese) makes the same remark a humorless landmine anywhere else.

And that, Monsieur Gateway Pundit, is why you cannot say nigger without raising the ire of polite society. It isn’t the way things ought to be, but for the way things are it’s the most just thing in the world.

What?

Are you expecting some kind of racial raprochement?

Are you thinking we’ll what, LIKE each other?

The time has come to identify parallel goals, to make alliances based on what we all want.

We aren’t going to be friends, because there’s too many interests invested in hatred. But maybe we can find a way to some kind of peace. I’m willing to buy that product…

mikey

…and drownings due to his readership gaping upwards during rainstorms.

thank you.

And why hasn’t Obama healed the racial divide yet? WHY?

You mean the “N word” doesn’t stand for “Nuts”?

Heh.

And by the way, FAGS can use that ugly word among FAGS because we’re FAGS. If you’re not a FAG, you wouldn’t understand.

PS Brilliant, linking to the NPR story Gavin, just brilliant. Kudos and alll that.

Maybe Jesse Jacksion has spent to much time watching Chris Rock

Jesse Jackson may be a hypocrite, but at least he’s not a Republican.

Yeah, I said “Republican”, and I won’t apologize. After the last 7 years, it should rank right up there (down there?) with “nigger” and “faggot” and what have you (words I don’t use, I should add).

Damn their eyes!

Dammit! Too many threads! Save some for the weekend, how about?

Obviously he didn’t get the memo that ‘nigger’ is now spelled ‘secret Muslim terrorist’…

Hey! You said Republican!

Hypocrites!

(I can say it because I am a Republican.)

Liberals. Hmf.

His daily visits are something like 25,000

He doesn’t have many commenters though so perhaps most of his visitors are him. Or liberals who drop in to squint and laugh.

Your attention please. Hello? fReichtards? I’m not over there, I’m right here. Please pay attention:

There are no fabulous prizes associated with the use of the N – Hey, pay attention!

There are no fabulous prizes associated with the use of the N-word. No ponies, no Big Wheels, not even a candy bar. You are not being deprived of anything but the chance to look like an ignorant putz if you do not use the N-word.

Thank you.

There are days when it’s all I can do to keep from weeping when I think of all the good, hard-working white people who desperately want to be able to use the word n***** more publicly and just can’t.

Will the healing ever begin?

MzNicky said,

If Weekend could afford threads, it would wear some!
/soem randroid

Don’t call me nigger, whitey!

[Updated a bit, btw]

and drownings due to his readership gaping upwards during rainstorms.

Mingo beat me to this, but allow me to second him. If that shit could be duplicated on a righwing website, I’d almost consider changing sides.

a word meaning ‘white people’ that only white people are allowed to say

How about Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards?

Whiskey Hotel India Tango Echo.

Maybe we could call ’em Whiskey India Tango.

Like we called Kilo India Alphas “Kilos”.

Or maybe Whiskey Bravos for White Boys.

Or fuck it, just call ’em Whiskeys. See if they get it…

mikey

Me said,

Are you insulting the Phlegmish?

Back in the eighties, when I worked with Charley Cherry’s outfit running crank labs, we called “Crank” CR. Cee Are.

I come along, with my radios and my attitude, and I stared calling it “Charles Robert” using the local police radio phonetics. Pretty soon, it starts to catch on and before you know it its “Chuck and Bob”.

And then I discovered the Colorado Rockies caps. Holy shit. Was that a revelation around tweaker land or what?

mikey

I was thinking something like ‘chum’ or ‘old bean,’ because hey, there are already old white dudes old-b**ning and ch*mming each other, so it’s already organic, sort of.

Well, there’s the Bahamian term Conchy Joes, but they may have been developed by whites (British colonial officials and expats referring to local whites).

that may have been

…Plus, a black guy would never come up to you on the street like, “Pardon me, old bean,” unless he was totally messing with you.

All I know is that I’m Crackers for McCain! 😉

Personally, I’ve always liked “ofay”. I hear guys refer to themselves as “rednecks” all the time and I know a band called Honky, but you rarely see a white guy call another white guy “ofay”. Never happen.

There are no fabulous prizes associated with the use of the N-word.

And here’s the thing, and I’ve said this elsewhere: no one will arrest you if you say the n-word. You won’t have to walk around with a big scarlet N on your chest. Man, I knew dudes growing up who could say three sentances without it slipping in somehow. People will probably just think you’re a racist dipstick if you make a habit of it, though.

And I gotta tell ya, I find it a bit surprising that so many people are shocked, shocked I tell you that individual African-Americans have been known to drop the n-bomb on other individual African-Americans in a pejorative manner. Why, you’d think our conservative brothers and sisters didn’t know any folk a’tall.

An oldie but goodie from Barbados: redleg.

And can you imagine if Ming the Merciless had said it? Or Snuffleupagus?

What’s his point, again? That Jesse Jackson hates black people? Or that there are a lot of white people who use the word “nigger” in an affectionate way?

I vote for “goldtoe,” the most hilarious ethnic slur I’ve ever heard.

I don’t get goldtoe.

I don’t get goldtoe.

Lucky you. My old man has goldtoe, and he has to take these big pills and drink lots of water. Sad, really. Caught him in his prime, too.

Lucky you. My old man has goldtoe, and

Oh c’mon c’mon C’MON lemme inta the kool kids klub!

Goddam it, I want to be able to say “Honkey”.

I wanna be able to say it right out loud, to fucking white bastards. Honkey motherfuckers.

Fucking PC society.

Motherfucking Honkey, I want more “Scotch”….

mikey

a word meaning ‘white people’ that only white people are allowed to say

I’m pretty partial to “nilla” as in Nilla Wafers. It’s also a nice drop-in replacement for the N-word in many rap songs. Imagine the awesome cover art opportunities for “Nillaz With Attitude” albums.

Oh c’mon c’mon C’MON lemme inta the kool kids klub!

You ain’t seen the size of them pills. And was the use of the alliterative k’s intentional, given the subject at hand, or is that just me being all stoned again?

alliterative k’s intentional

From a white man?

Nilla please.

I don’t know why it gives me such pleasure to see conservatives disocvering political correctness over and over again – when it suits them.

“Got us some Nillaaz in da house!”

“Get the Fuck out of here, Nilla!”

“That is one crazy Nilla!”

It works.

Now just need a few mobs of black people to scream it at us as they lynch us…

Cracker (pejorative)

“Cracker”, sometimes “white cracker”, is a pejorative term for a white person, mainly used in the Southern United States, but in recent decades it has entered common usage throughout North America. It is a racial slur.

Could work.

But nilla is good too. Cracker seems like it’s used by whites against lower class whites. Nilla I haven’t heard before but if it’s used mostly by blacks against whites that makes it extra special good.

Nah. There’s a band called Cracker. Guy used to be in Camper Van Beethoven. Plus, Uncle Kracker and anything that has anthing to do with anything Kid Rock’s had anything to do is automatically disqualified.

Remember, in the ’70s, when “turkey” was kind of an insult or slur or something? I don’t think it was ethnic, though, but, being a weird little introverted white kid at the time, I missed out on a lot of “context.”

wassup, slim shadies?

“nilla” is good, but if this bargain is going to work, we’re going to have to pretend like we’re really taken aback by it. Also, it would help if we were subjected to institutional prejudice and everyday humiliation for a couple hundred years.

David Lowery. “Take the Skinheads Bowling” FTW.

“Up yours, nilla!”

Yeah, works fine.

The last time someone called me a nilla I beat him to death with my accordion.

Though I have to admit, it’s no Ragevein Throbshaft.

Nigger please.

I keep hoping that against all odds the Obama-Jackson feud turns into a rap battle.

Does that make me racist?

“it’s no Ragevein Throbshaft.”

Hell, it’s not even a Foehammer.

Ghostface is my personal favorite, honky is universally understood but fairly nonoffensive, cracker has other connotations, and ofay too badly evokes Gullah (which is… weird) to work appropriately.

If we’re going to be using inscrutable pseudo-Africanisms, ‘buckrah’ works well enough too, dunnit?

Personally, I’ve always liked “ofay”.

You know, I’d never figured out what Pryor says after “tar baby” until right now. Thank you, mystery solved.

Also, if we restrict ourselves to Africanisms we neglect all of the possibilities of ‘gwailo/roundeye’.

That reminds me: me and Djur have a favorite image on Wikipedia and it’s a Chinese emperor dressing in Western clothes and acting like an idiot. It’s perfectly, beautifully clear he’s doing some kind of dumb European impression. Let me find him.

“Ghostface is my personal favorite”

So Ghostface Killa, translated to English, means “killer of whitey?” Damn. I was *this* close to buying a Wu Tang Clan CD, until I found out Michelle Obama was a member.

Here it is.

NURR I AMME AN YNGLISHEMANNE! LO, TIS A TYGRE!! I DOE TREMBLE & PRAISE GODDE

‘Ghostface’ does work on the extra-African level, incidentally – it’s usable as a loose translation of another Chinese epiphet for Whitey, which I can’t name off the top of my head but which does involve ghosts.

I can’t think of a better word than “whiney.”

What up whiney?

I like ‘Ghostface.’ I suggest we adopt it. That way we can shorten it to one letter and go around saying “Yo, G, wassup?” to each other.

Dolla’, dolla’ bill, y’all.

If we’re to use ‘honky’, I’d strongly suggest a subdivision between ‘hunky’ and ‘bohunky’ – a generalization of the original slurs, for respectively Hungarians and Czechs.

The former kind: less likely to push people out of windows? Maybe.

#

And by the way, FAGS can use that ugly word among FAGS because we’re FAGS. If you’re not a FAG, you wouldn’t understand.

Guess we learned something new about you today, PeeJ, ya freakin’ FAG.

Hang on a minute… I just said FAG… which means…

As far as my translation skillz go, which is not far, I’d say gwailo means ‘foreign ghost’ in Cantonese: the ‘gwai’ part means ghost, definitely.

Another fave of mine is whitefella, but that’s a solely Australian term. Coined by the indigenous folk, of course, it just means that they’re not blackfellas. Nothing really derogatory about it, although of course as the underclass here (with health issues, poverty issues, and all sorts of other issues that would make your hair stand on end) they’re fully entitled to be as derogatory as they please. And sometimes are.

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gwailo means ‘ghost man’

Sport
Old Sport
Possible inferences to wet work
dignifying swamp work with the purifying touch of english and white

Here it is.

NURR I AMME AN YNGLISHEMANNE! LO, TIS A TYGRE!! I DOE TREMBLE & PRAISE GODDE

That is fantastic.

In Jamaica in the mid-1970s the term was “Arnold.” It began as “pig,” went to “pork,” and then evolved into the name of the pet pig on the TV show “Green Acres.”

How could we forget “howlie”?

Though, howlie, actually does have some negative racial context. Serves us right, I suppose.

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Some white ethnic slur suggestions:

Pinkies?
Sugars?
Glowsticks?
‘Nillas?
Caucs?
Doughboys?

The Brit expression ‘chav’ is pretty good.

FuriousGeorge,

I love that sketch.

Ofey was also Dick Feynman’s nom de brush as an artist. He had no idea what it meant when he chose it.

Also, to end this foolishness once and for all, perhaps we ought to find a word meaning ‘white people’ that only white people are allowed to say.

I thought Mr. President and Mr. CEO fit those criteria. Well I guess us black people can use those too, just not to describe any of our racial brethren.

Chav is, I think, a bit more specific than just “white”.

My personal fav from oh, ten or so years ago, in the studio with E-40 and Too Short I was told that we were referred to as “the clear people” because we aren’t really white, more like see-through. I about lost a kidney laughing.

Hollows?

Ooooh, I like glowsticks, especially because my family is so fairskinned that we do, indeed, glow in the sunlight. I’m praying that exerpts of the Jesse Jackson interview come dribbling out all summer. The wingnuts are under the impression that they’re damaging to Obama, when in fact, everytime Jesse opens his mouth and says someting stupid about Obama, another 100 white independents run out to register as Democrats. Keep up the good work, Fox and friends….if I sent you $5 every week, would that encourage you to keep Jesse’s greatest hits coming?

Could you imagine if that would have been a white conservative mumbling that on tape?

I’ve loved this with the Obama cover, too: “what would be the response if this were on the cover of National Review?! Or the We Hate Black Folks Weekly?!! Can you imagine the outrage?!!!” It’s called CONTEXT, assholes. You know how you can bitch about your mom but get mad if others do it? Sheesh, Jonah, sorry I brought it up…

And I’m STILL laughing at the mental image of white race-rage accordion killaz.

His daily visits are something like 25,000. You’d think the number would keep slipping downwards due to fatal bagel-cutting accidents, forks in toasters, hair dryers in bathtubs, perambulatory scissorings, walkings through plate glass doors, and drownings due to his readership gaping upwards during rainstorms.

Of course those readers are dropping like flies! But a replacement, they say, is born every minute. In fact, according to census records, we are adding a new major city full of idiots to the US population every ten days.

And by the way, I am not getting any smarter either.

Chickenskins.

How about “niggler”? You know, obsessed with petty details, such as what Jesse Jackson says to FOX news. As in, “I hate to be a niggler, but Jackson wasn’t talking about Obama.” We can spell it ni***er, and you’ll have to count the apostrophes to know what we’re talking about. Or you can type ni66!er, if you want to be kewl.

In polite conversation, of course, we’ll say “collared”. “Look at that white-collared boy.” “The executive bathroom is only for collared folk.” If people insist on saying niggler in public, I’ll pester them to refer to me as collared. Then I’ll be a real nagger.

I know I’m being flippant in this post. You can flag it as offensive if you want. In fact, I’m offensive so often that a lot of guys just call me a “flag-it”. “Tom sure is a flaming flag-it,” they’ll say. Then I sputter, “But — but –!” And they say, “Yeah, and a but-pirate to boot.”

[…] over at Sadly, No! has a great post up on yet another Really White Guy who is salivating over the possibility that there exists footage […]

Jesse Helms started out in broadcasting, and most of his most vile and odious quotes came from his frequent 5 minute editorials on WRAL-TV in Raleigh in the early Sixties. It’s hard to find original source material, partly because the commentaries happened so long ago, partly because WRAL, which is still in operation, doesn’t really want to make such things part of their current ‘brand’. But people in Raleigh still remember that racist fucker’s commentaries.

Chris: The transcripts for many of those editorials were donated to the archives of the University of North Carolina (North Carolina Collection). Strangely, all actual video recordings vanished before Helms’ political runs. What a co-inky-dink.

Tom Allen wins the thread.

well, lotsa mexican folk use “bolillo” to refer to white americans. bolillo (pronounced bo-lee-yo) is a piece of bread that is something like a small baguette. why bolillo? well, bolillos are bland, tasteless and cheap, and you need something else to go with them or they’re just boring and gross… which sounds about right…

güero is pretty cool too, but it’s hardly derogatory since it just means blondie.

or how about land-stealing, vow-breaking genocidal imperialist assholes? is that too long?

Damn –another with my name is wittier than I.

I was simply going to write, “Pasty Mother Fucker”. Of course, I’m one of the collared folk, so my opinion doesn’t count in this thread –wouldn’t want to offend parallelism.

well, bolillos are bland, tasteless and cheap, and you need something else to go with them or they’re just boring and gross…

This is the argument for nilla also and it already has a pejorative advantage. Niggler and collared are really funny but easily misheard, while nilla is an obvious sound and also somewhat feminine.

In fairness and for parallelism’s sake, it should be chosen by someone non-white. Any ideas?

Fortunately Gavin is not white and can choose nilla.

But of course, to conservatives, that’s different.

I submit that in the interests of clarity, the word “conservatives” should be in quotes.

I submit that in the interests of clarity, the word “conservatives” should be in quotes.

I thought “clownservative” and then thought somebody’s gotta have done that and BEHOLD!

My favorite was always “peckerwood.”

The Brit expression ‘chav’ is pretty good.

Our own version north of the border is ‘ned’, again, no colour connotations, but I’m struggling to remember ever seeing a non white ned.

hmmm

no votes for cracker ass cracker?

Years ago, Chris Rock recommended “Yaku” as a good replacement for the more harmless-sounding “honkie”.

I think I’ve also heard of “ofay” being used; perhaps of African origin?

And Roots used the word “Wasichu”…

Oh, and the famed Church of the Subgenius used “pinkboy”. More to refer to a whole square / greedy / duped outlook, but definitely can apply to honkies…

Ooooh, I like glowsticks, especially because my family is so fairskinned that we do, indeed, glow in the sunlight.

Do you sparkle, though?

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Whatever the final pejorative turns out to be? We still need a few lynchings to seal ‘shock’ factor for the word.

Dozen or so should be enough. Maybe even broken down along racial lines?

Everybody gets a chance at those dirty “insert pejorative here“!!

Harsh? Shared degradation always is…

Also, here is an excellent chance for ANY of the “white superiority ilk” to attain martyrdom.

I think it would be a good idea to finalize the actual word before going ahead with finding locations for the lynchings.
Then, of course, there is also the matter of recruiting a few angry lynch mobs.

If you’re going to go all phonetic, what about Yankee Tango?

Y-T.

See?

.

.

.

I’ll get me coat.

If you’re going to go all phonetic, what about Yankee Tango?

Well, it does have the bonus of pissing off those “War of Northern Aggression!” Southerners…

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kia said,

“Arnold.” It began as “pig,” went to “pork,” and then evolved into the name of the pet pig on the TV show “Green Acres.”

This, of course, is incorrect. The name of the pig on Green Acres was Eva Gabor.

Thank you, thank you.

Offers Louis Vuitton replica handbags and other designer replica bags.

God, I’m following the fucking designer replica spam. That makes anything I had to say too depressing to bother with.

Well, okay. I used the n-word one time. This asshole got that look on his face, looked at the others of us in the room (all white) and asked if there were any niggers here.

I knew he was going to tell a stupid stinking joke, so I said, yeah, I was a nigger.

And he shut up. Never told the story. It was wonderful.

Having said that, how about “lily” or “lilies”? We toil not, neither do we spin.

And we don’t need stupid goddamn designer replicas.