Graphic of the Day

(Via.)

Incidentally, sorry for light posting on my part lately. I’ve been working on Something Big that’s taken me a while to write, but should hopefully be published on Monday! Will keep y’all posted!

 

Comments: 139

 
 
 

yeah, i did that one, and i’m rather amused by it given my part in the box turtle ben affair with my old blog.

 
 

I think that’s actually Ben Dover

 
 

Dammit.

I’m outta the loop again.

I never know what’s going on.

I’d blame it on being old, but honestly? I’ve always been pretty oblivious.

Whatever. Carry on…

mikey

 
 

Mikey: Read this.

Also Ben whatsit is a noted plagiarist.

 
 

Heh, I had no idea what that was about, but after wasting about half an hour, I am fully up to speed on the latest internet meme. Huzzah! At least it’s a pretty funny one.

 
Andrew A. Gill, SLS
 

I don’t get it.

I am aware of all of your human internet traditions, but I don’t know who this Ben is, though Righteous Bubba says he’s a plagiarist.

Little help?

 
 

I’ve been working on Something Big that’s taken me a while to write, but should hopefully be published on Monday!

The fact is, if it’s a rant, it had better be funny.

 
 

The fact is, if it’s a rant, it had better be funny.

OK, I’ll give away the game: it’s a massive Alternet article commemorating the 10 Worst Moments of the Bush Presidency!

 
 

Jeez, how’d you pick just ten?

mikey

 
 

You’ll see my methodology when it’s published. I also created a list of more than 40 dishonorable mentions.

 
 

Gary, you hound dog, you better not come back here smelling of other websites.

 
 

I also created a list of more than 40 dishonorable mentions.

But Clinton got a blowjob. Just saying.

BTW, I haz graphed internet awaredness (Apologies for the blog whore.)

 
 

(Apologies for the blog whore.)

My grandma is DEAD Mr. Sensitive.

 
 

OK, I’ll give away the game: it’s a massive Alternet article commemorating the 10 Worst Moments of the Bush Presidency!

The fact is, then it should be HAI-larious, since the Bush Presidency has been nothing but a spectacular success.

The Heartland looks forward to it.

 
 

“They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House.”

I wonder who got to remind the President that Arroyo isn’t his personal chef.

 
Malfunctioning National Association of Realtors Spokesperson Robot
 

This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom.

[with thanks and apologies to malfunctioning glenn reynolds robot]

 
 

This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom. This month’s housing data, while disappointing, point to signs that the market is beginning to form a bottom.

 
 

He kinda looks like a bottom.

I think IAAOAIT is my favorite Internet Tradition yet. It really combines everything I love about Internet Traditions. And since IAAOAIT, I know of what I speak.

 
 

I’m glad you’re working on somethig, just as long as you’re not “making eye babies.”

 
 

making eye babies?

WTF is that?

 
 

Oh dear. Someone’s omnerdscience has let them down.

 
 

I think I kind of agree, toby. Just saying IAAOAIT just makes me smile inside. The other internet traditions don’t do that.

 
 

You are one of the last people in the history of internet traditions that I would want to let down, RB.

I feel shame.

 
 

I feel shame.

Shame is an important part of Internet Tradition.

 
 

Dammit, RB.

I am stupider for reading that.

But I am happy to learn that while I walk around the Pike Place Market on my lunch breaks I am fully engaged in hot, sweaty i-secks almost constantly.

And to think: I thought I was going through a drought.

 
 

Really you can’t take a step around here without squashing eye babies.

I make it my mission
To know all traditions
On these the most inter of nets
I am fully aware
Of meme common and rare
And I chuckle at n00B DO-NOT-GETs

 
 

Oh great, now we’ll have to fight the right on eyebortion, too.

 
 

Too good to be real?

And, plus, optical intercourse is my new favorite position.

 
 

I made my own lolJohansson just for this occasion.

 
 

styx-

The irony collapses onto itself forming a black hole of irony that sucks in all of the integrity within its sphere of Irono-Gravity.

 
 

Hardcore eye porn?

http://www.art-dept.com/artists/rankin/portfolio/specialprojects/eyescapes/portfolio.html

SFW. Unless you work at Pensacola Christian College.

 
 

Why is it all your internet traditions? Is it a clever way of incorporating that early internet meme, all your base are belong to us? I, along with Mr. Singer, will never be as funny as you guys. It’s a tradition of envy and respect, but mostly envy.

 
Duros Hussein 62
 

i-secks

Steve Jobs on line 1 for you.

 
 

O HAI!!

teh roxxors!!!1!

 
Andrew A. Gill, SLS
 

Righteous Bubba said,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Domenech

Thanks.

 
 

My fundie college strove to keep the genders segregated and chaperoned, but nobody ever warned us about eye sex. They did make all the men shower together to minimize masturbation. Boy did I get an eye full.

 
 

Teh Ghey i-secks?

 
 

pedestrian said,

June 27, 2008 at 21:33

My fundie college strove to keep the genders segregated and chaperoned, but nobody ever warned us about eye sex. They did make all the men shower together to minimize masturbation. Boy did I get an eye full.

I hear that really stings.

 
 

They did make all the men shower together to minimize masturbation.

However, that strategy had the opposite effect.

 
 

That whole thing about “making eye babies” has to be made up. It sounds like something fucking Ralph Wiggum would say.

Then again, we are talking about fundies.

 
 

I’m makin’ eye babies right now!

 
 

Is it the Whitey Tape? That would so totally frost Larry Johnson…

 
 

I saw teacher and Principal Skinner in the closet making eye babies and I saw one of the eye babies! It winked at me.

 
 

I for one am aware of all optical intercourses.

 
 

Offtopic, but interesting, and mightily snark-worthy:

Vitter & Craig co-sponsor “defense of marriage act”

http://pageoneq.com/news/2008/CraigVitter_0627.html

NOT A JOKE.

Well, actually it is, but as always with repukelecons, unintended.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

I hear that really stings.

What really stings is that the washpostonline editor at the time of BenDo’s hiring and firing is still the washpostonline editor. Three cheers for Jim Brady and accountability in the newsroom!

 
 

A sonnet:

Ode On Van Der Loon’s Tradixions (with sincere apologies to Milton)

This Interweb with o’ so many memes
its always shifting parlance makes me glad
to see a noob like Vanderleun sad;
unfit to understand its many themes.
A “shorter” concept ain’t that hard to ken
unless your angry, little mind is weak.
Teh kidz these days have learned the techno speak
a language needing brains to comprehend.
Although you feel a sense of moral right,
it’s certain that you can not even start
to understand what decent people feel.
You and your ilk should really start to fight
to find compassion in your shriveled heart
And learn a better, kinder way to deal.

I haven’t written a sonnet since 8th grade, can you tell? (and I guess Meme can be pronounced a bunch of ways.)

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Here’s the BenDo resignation post from Jim Brady. Suspiciously missing is any admission of wrongdoing on the part of anyone other than Box Turtle Ben. Covering this administration has certainly taught people about the use of passive voice, as this is the closest he gets:

When we hired Domenech, we were not aware of any allegations that he had plagiarized any of his past writings. In any cases where allegations such as these are made, we will continue to investigate those charges thoroughly in order to maintain our journalistic integrity.

Also note that RedAmerica was created to present the views of conservatives in the WashPostOnline. Because Jim Brady thought they weren’t being presented.

I think Brady’s past the point of firing, and well into the Massive Diffuse Thrombotic Microangiopathy stage.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Although, this does not mean that I’m volunteering for any eye sex.

 
 

I just realized that the Malfunctioning Bot text is the inverse of a Shorter– text.

Huh.

 
Shorter Malfunctioning Bot
 

Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V x n

 
 

Although, this does not mean that I’m volunteering for any eye sex.

Volunteer or not, we just had a whole bunch of eyebabies.

 
The original, the tried-and-true, the all-American, 100% Grade-A uber-manly Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Robot, complete with a new catchphrase
 

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If you outlaw eye sex… !!!

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

I do admire that picture of Scarlett Johanssen Johanso whatsername. I got eye babies all over my keyboard.

 
 

I got eye babies all over my keyboard.

A coat-hanger clears that right up.

 
 

Thanks, Johnny.

I have an entire army of Johansson eyebabies, ready to oppress Christians at my command.

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

“A coat-hanger clears that right up.”

Normally I just use a tissue.

 
Perfectly functioning Samuel Beckett bot
 

Ample time none the less for the iris to be lacking. Wholly. As if engulfed by the pupil. And for the sclerotic not to say the white to appear reduced by half. Already that much less at least but at what cost. Soon to be foreseen save unforeseen two black blanks. Fit ventholes of the soul that jakes. Here reappearance of the skylights opaque to no purpose henceforward. Seeing the black night or better blackness pure and simple that limpid they would shed. Blackness in its might at last. Where no more to be seen. Perforce to be seen.

 
 

Perfectly Functioning Ben Domenech Bot @ 20:10

OMG, I just got it. Hilarious.

 
 

The fact is, if it’s a rant, it had better be funny.

OK, I’ll give away the game: it’s a massive Alternet article commemorating the 10 Worst Moments of the Bush Presidency!

Not so much funny, then, as striking a deep, resonant chord of despair…?

 
 

Gimme that ole-timey eye secks!

 
 

More eye-sex.

 
Perfectly functioning Samuel Beckett bot
 

The eye will return to the scene of its betrayals. On centennial leave from where tears freeze. Free again an instant to shed them scalding. On the blest tears once shed. While exulting at the white heap of stone. Ever heaping for want of better on itself. Which if it persist will gain the skies. The moon. Venus.

 
Central To My Point
 

Dead Grandma

 
 

Now porn, RB?

A cross-dressing rabbit? When was that not?

 
 

eye iz l33t?

 
 

A cross-dressing rabbit? When was that not?

Heh.

 
 

In other news, McCain is now taking credit for the Webb/Hagel GI Bill that he not only didn’t show up to vote for, but actively opposed: http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/16022.html

Speaking as a veteran, McCain is cordially invited to eat the corn out of my shit with chopsticks.

 
 

Oh no, eye baby chimeras! BEWARE THE MANIMALS!

 
 

Sometimes I send stuff to Iran and it has a picture of a woman with an uncovered head. It comes back and someone’s added a chador with a black marker, because it’s porn.

 
 

Oh no, eye baby chimeras! BEWARE THE MANIMALS!

There are man/machine eyebabies all up and down this thread – I call ’em pixies! – because I’ve been having eyesex with EVERYONE. Eyebaby support payments will be due at month’s end.

 
 

Hmm. On the basis of the concept of optical intercourse, I am a horrible serial eye-rapist. I have panting, sweaty eye-sex with multiple strangers without their consent on an hourly basis. Some of them, employees and people I see regularly, I’ve had non-consenting eye-sex with them literally HUNDREDS of times…

I hate myself…

mikey

 
 

I don’t know who’s worse, mikey, you or me…

 
 

eye-yi-yi.

I got nothin.

 
 

Eye-sex
Waits for me
Like a mongrel waits
Downwind on a tight rope leash

Eye-sex
Is a fragile acrobat
Sometimes I’m a novocaine shot
Sometimes I’m an automat

Eye-sex
Is often solo
Sometimes it short circuits then
Sometimes it’s a golden glow

Eye-sex
Is invested in
Suburban photographs
Skyscraper shadows on a carcrash overpass

Eye-sex
Is savage, tender
It wears no future faces
Owns just random gender

Eye-sex
Has a wanting wardrobe
I still explore
Of all the bodies I knew and those I want to know

Eye-sex
Is a spark of electro flesh
Leased from the tick of time
And geared for synchromesh

Eye-sex
Is an image lost in faded films
A neon outline
On a high-rise overspill.

 
 

Sheesh, people, always use protection!

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

Those spearmint flavored eye condoms cause my eyes to burn so bad that I can’t even think about making eye babies by the time I get them in place.

 
 

I was hanging out a bar when a right eye came up to me and started talking. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the back of a truck and the right eye was raping me. The left eye was in the corner, pointing and laughing.

 
 

Sheesh, people, always use protection!
Ribbed, with piercings, for greater pleasure.

 
 

Ther fact is … er um … as one of the most liberal members of this blog … *cough*

Central to like … point or something ….

Ah, beer. That’s better.

 
 

You want to have a Liberal Walk Off, legalize?

 
 

All praise dah buket.

/grovel

 
 

Sheesh, people, always use protection!

The goggles! They do nothing!

 
 

This is why I make eye contact with no one. Ever.

I’m just not cut out for such intense intimacy, ya know?

 
 

Hey, you guys laugh at this eye sex thing, but people are having huge orgies right here on American soil! It will be the downfall of our civilization!

http://www.eyegazingparties.com/

 
Perfectly functioning Samuel Beckett bot
 

Not possible any longer except as figment. Not endurable. Nothing for it but to close the eye for good and see her. Her and the rest. Close it for good and all and see her to death. Unremittent. In the shack. Over the stones, In the pastures. The haze. At the tomb. And back. And the rest. For good and all. To death. Be shut of it all. On to the next. Next figment. Close it for good this filthy eye of flesh. What forbids? Careful.

 
 

Well. This gives the term “hairy eyeball” a whole new meaning.

 
 

Seems the enforcement regimen against making eye-babies would be clear enough – if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out and all that. It’s right there in the Bible!

 
 

Righteous Bubba said,

June 27, 2008 at 19:46

The latest crap with Arroyo was pretty funny.

Best part of the article:

But one must give Bush credit when he wore a barong during a visit to the Philippines five years ago. He was also following a family tradition. More than 20 years before, in June 1981, his father, then-Vice President George H.W. Bush arrived in Manila, put on a barong and met with Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos.

Then again, that wasn’t exactly a visit many Filipinos remember fondly.

“We stand with the Philippines,” the elder Bush told the dictator. “We love your adherence to democratic principles and democratic processes. We will not leave you in isolation.”

Two decades after Bush the elder’s controversial remarks, it was the younger Bush’s turn to make a statement that left many scratching their heads.

“America is proud of its part in the great story of the Filipino people,” he said.

But it quickly became pretty clear that he didn’t really completely get that story.

For Bush also declared before his Filipino hosts that the United States “liberated the Philippines from colonial rule” — conveniently forgetting that our homeland was once an American colony.

D’oh!

 
 


Cats said,

June 27, 2008 at 21:11

O HAI!!

That entire domain was blocked at work by the proxy. WHAT DID YOU DO?? WHAT DID YOUUU DO!!!

 
 

conveniently forgetting that our homeland was once an American colony.

Well, be fair. He probably never knew it in the first place.

 
 

What?! Do you mean to tell me there’s actually a wingnut who was found guilty of plagiarism, because they were too lazy & intellectually dishonest to come up with their own schtick? Then lost their gig over it? Then went right back to blogging anyway?!
I’m shocked, I tell you – SHOCKED!!1!11!

Oh well … I’m sure by now there’s some kind of rephrasing-software to keep him from having to face the music twice … I just hope it’s one-click. Wouldn’t want to strain his poor overworked porn-hand, after all.

 
 

This week on Law & Order SVU:

Benson and Stabler petition to have a lonely analyst labelled a violent offender after a series of stink-eyes are reported on the subway system.

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

We at Eye Gazing Parties are so sure that you are going to LOVE eye gazing that we are going to give you this ROCK-SOLID GUARANTEE: If you don’t meet at least one amazing person who you’d like to see again, we will give you a 100% refund on your money or get you into 2 subsequent eye gazing parties for free.

Thanks for the link, Blue Buddha. I don’t understand this, though. Once you’ve stared into someone’s eyes and made eye babies, what’s there to talk about? My friend Bob in Seattle had eye babies he didn’t even know about. The girl swore she was wearing contacts, but 9 months later BAM! Opthalamony payments.

 
 

Ophthalimony FTW.

 
 

OK, I’ll give away the game: it’s a massive Alternet article commemorating the 10 Worst Moments of the Bush Presidency!

If you change the heading slightly, you can reduce the number to two:

1. The day Bush first came to power.
2. 2000-present

Of course, those who are unfamiliar with Bush might need more information.

(Speaking of Bens, this one got a bad review)

 
 

I don’t get it.

 
 

My more lurid sexual fantasies revolve around Teh Residents with their throbbing tumescent 12″ eyeballs.

 
 

Meanwhile, over at W-o’-C, Scott reports that Michael Medved is asking for an exact explanation of what constitutes “gay virginity”.
If only there were a sub-section of the WWW, or a written genre, where he could satisfy his fervid curiosity with all the exhaustive descriptive detail he could possibly ask for.

 
 

Well, Herr Clyde, this is kind of a relief from your regular fare of medieval cruelty and bowls of fresh dicks…

mikey

 
 

Dimitri is funny, a “complete catch.”

 
Our Dead Selves
 

That dude kind of looks like Will Wheaton.

Sorry, I’m a little bit drunk.

 
Our Dead Selves
 

Woo! One more and it’s a party!

 
 

More groovy times at Pensacola Christian:
One student told of how a group of men and a group of women from the college happened to meet at a McDonald’s last spring. Both groups were returning from the beach (they had gone to separate beaches; men and women are not allowed to be at the beach together). The administration found out, and all 15 students were expelled.

That campus really needs to be overrun by a battalion of highly disciplined Latex Vibro-Commando Sexbots.

 
Latex Vibro-Commando Sexbots
 

We’ve been very very naughty. We need to be disciplined now.

 
 

OT, but I would like to propose Medved’s Law, as follows:

When posting a bleg for details about the concepts of anal and oral virginity, and what it is like to lose them, one should not begin with the word exactly, for fear that one’s interest should appear prurient or obsessive.

 
 

Shorter Vanderleun: “I am aware of all internet traditions. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.”

 
 

I am sure that gay marriage and gay itself will soon be outlawed in our constutition. It threatens our nation with moral decay and ruin. I am so sick of Christians with Moral Values always being picked on, and we have to give special rights to muslims and fags.

 
 

Major points to Smut Clyde for the original Ultravox reference. (They were dead to me after John Foxx left and Midge Ure came in. Was there ever anyone who wanted to be the love child of David Bowie and Brian Eno more than John Foxx?)

Whoa, and a Residents reference too? Dude, GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!!

 
 

They were dead to me after John Foxx left and Midge Ure came in.

Come on. Vienna is still high hilarity.

 
 

remixed auggiesback:

we have to give special rights to Christians with Moral Values always. gay marriage and gay always being picked on I am so sick. muslims and fags and fags and fags.

gay marriage and gay itself
gay marriage and gay itself
gay marriage and gay itself

Christians with Moral Values will soon be outlawed, It threatens our nation with moral decay and ruin. I am sure. I am so sick of Christians with moral decay and ruin.

I am sure that gay marriage and gay itself will soon be in our constutition. I am so sick of gay marriage and gay itself always being picked on.

 
 

And Happy Pride Day to all you sweetpeas.

 
 

Attention Sadly Nosers!
C-Span is showing McSame and Obama speaking live at a national Latino organization conference right now.JMcS just got heckled three different times in about 10 minutes, looked about to lose it but didn’t, and ended to a smattering of boos — whether toward the hecklers or toward himself it didn’t seem clear. He’s now “answering” questions from the audience. Obama will be up shortly.

Just FYI.

 
 

Once he figures out where it is.

 
 

Once he figures out where it is.

Oh, I’m pretty sure he knows where it is. I’m just terrified of where he’ll PUT it.

I mean, he’s seen peoples arms and backs and asses, and that hasn’t helped him with basic anatomy…

mikey

 
 

Alright, mikey’s checked in. It’s officially tomorrow across America.

Shall we bet on how long this thread’ll go before we get relief?

Is 300 too high? Too low?

 
 

I just looked at the Chris Muir cartoon you liberals referenced. I thought it was very humorous and I don’t think you are aware of the internet traditions of conservative homor, which is much more funnier than the liberal, especially since we always follow economic laws.

 
 

Parody troll needs a grammarian.

 
 

The fact is, left is wrong, right is right. We have history on our side, and are aware of the constant failure of the left to take over our lives, which we refute with freedom and USA power. Here in the Heartland, we do not tolerate gay marriage, special rights for minorities, or anti-Bushism. We do not tolerate those who say they are tolerant but do not tolerate Christians, who ARE the majority and DID found this nation despite your atheist revisionism. Get used to it. McCain is better than Obama, but the best would be Bush/Chenery forever or at least until the emergency of terror is over. Liberals can whine away and suck it.

 
Our Dead Selves
 

Where exactly is this Heartland? Am I in it?

Burning questions, I tell ya!

 
 

Blue Buddha said,

June 28, 2008 at 1:03

Hey, you guys laugh at this eye sex thing, but people are having huge orgies right here on American soil! It will be the downfall of our civilization!

http://www.eyegazingparties.com/

Won’t someone think of the eye babies?!

 
 

which we refute with freedom and USA power

Yes Gary, but could you do it while wearing a barong?

 
 

All right, fine. Continue with your little eye-sex jokes and vaginal contemplations and what-not. Me? I’ll be sitting right here, keeping an eye on you.

A sultry, sleepy, deeply fathoming eye.

 
 

While we’re waiting for Brad’s Top 10 List, maybe we could jump-start the thread with a new topic. How about this totally not-made-up headline:

“Senators Larry Craig & David Vitter Sponsor Anti Gay Marriage Amendment”

It’s got it all! Prostitutes, hypocrisy, diapers! Laff potential galore! Virtual snarkfest time! What’s not to love?

Anyone?

 
 

Yes, but what about the wetsuits?

And the dildos eyeglasses?

 
 

The assless chaps of the eye-sex crowd
Behold the Domino Effect!

 
 

The way this meme has spread is unbelievable.

 
 

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