The Prophecies Of Nostradumbass
Posted on May 15th, 2008 by Gavin M.
Above: The Blavatsky of Buncombe County*
- Whoa, whoa! Shame on you, liberal media! Silence, you liberal bloggers! [rooty-toot pipe organ music] OMG! It was a major, and I’m talking major revelation when President Bush explained on Tuesday that withdrawing from Iraq might “lead to another attack on the US” and would “embolden terrorists.” [music slows and shifts to a minor 7th key] Ah-hah-ha! Now, my friends, fate bids me to prophesy further on the terrifying true events that await a certain small planet called ‘Earth’….
Shorter concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
* Confederate Yankee is literally as well as figuratively a resident of Buncombe County.
I’m sorry, but is this the same interview that I’ve heard called the dumbest Presidential interview in history? The same one where dumbass (the only true one) declared that he’d given up golf for the cause? Except that he really didn’t, so he was lying as well as stupid?
Am I identifying the correct interview?
TIDOS Yankee doesn’t care if Americans die, so long as it happens somewhere else. Hey, look! Steak-Ums!
Yes, but you know, the secret knowledge encoded within the speech is decipherable only by the initiated seeker.
After .having his head stuck up The Commander Guy’s ass for the past 7+ years, I have to believe he’s looking forward to the change of venue
Um, Wankee, Bush is the dumbshit who brought up the golf thing.
Grade-school level snark? Sez the cool guy who does a big-bucks-big-bucks-no-whammies-STOP! routine on whether Obama is a secret Muslim, secret Marxist, $5000+spin, or secret Nazi.
I predict that if we try to leave, Iraqis will greet us at the airport with flowers, begging us to stay.
If you just switch the word “retreat” to “invasion” and “withdrawal” to “occupation” in C.Yankee’s post and transport it to 2003, it sounds like Bush is amazingly wise and sentient:
The interview was entitled “Bush warns of Iraq disaster,” and in it, President Bush warned of the regional consequences of the kind of a premature, headlong invasion of Iraq.
Such an invasion window is not logistically feasible without destroying costly American military equipment and supplies, and the cost of destabilizing Iraq’s security is feared as a threat by every country in the region, and cannot be overemphasized.
Iraqis fear a return to sectarian conflict that may rapidly escalate into the genocide of hundred of thousands and the displacement of millions if their nation collapses due to a too-quick, timetable-based American occupation such as the one Obama has repeatedly promised.
Turkey fears an attempt by Iraqi Kurds to form their own country in the wake of a U.S. invasion, and would invade northern Iraq (they are already making multi-day raids, along with air and artillery strikes). Jordan, [would be] saturated with a new flood of Iraq refugees that would threaten the nation’s economy and national security. Syria would face similar mass immigration problems, compounded by possible Turkish incursions to root out Kurdish rebels in northeastern Syria.
Saudi Arabia and Iran, already sharing sharp words over Hezbollah’s actions in Lebanon, will engage in a proxy war in Iraq that many expect may erupt into an open regional war.
Such a conflict would shut down Persian Gulf shipping and drive the price of oil astronomically high (how would you like $3/gallon gasoline, or higher?), impacting financial markets worldwide, negatively impacting billions of people, with those in developing nations hardest hit.
That’s just strange on some surreal Twilight Zone level.
Now I shall foretell of the terrifying true events fated for this small planet called Earth.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.
President Bush explained on Tuesday
Oh do go on.
“XXI-The Tower” Major Arcana, Rider Deck
I’m not sure if you know exactly what you’ve done here Gavin. Do you realize that you’ve just cursed all of his progeny for three successive generations!? (and I just did a quick ‘tarot’ reading for him….he is like so fucked) Poor guy, I should leave a message on his block, just to give him a ‘heads up”
Bush is right, sadly. Domestic terrorism is a serious problem, and the coming Obama Presidency combined with the slow drawdown of troops from Iraq will provoke the extreme right in ways not seen since the days of McVeigh and militias, if not worse. Abortion providers and immigrants will continue to face a very real threat of deadly violence.
Off topic- Megan laid an extra stinky one today.
errr….’blog’ I mean….but ‘block’ would work just as well I guess….go ‘house to house’ even.
Oh, but check the number of the card. I changed its attribution.
Nostradamus? I doubt Gun Counter Gomer is even worthy of comparison with Criswell.
Gavin, you are a fucking Photoshop god. That card is beyond perfect.
Alternate Shorter CY:
A leader of men shall come forth, promising to UnShite The Bed, and in UnShiteing the Bed, shall bring forth great travails.
I didn’t notice that Gavin….you clever bastard!…..oh….and also….I did send him like, you know….a courtesy noted and responded, “HA, HA!…just like you liebruls to get everything ass-backwards!!….it was the past three generations of my family that were cursed, you stupid liberal fucktard!!
Nay….Gavin is the Zeus of all the Photoshop Gods! (may they live forever!)
His gun is an awesome gun…
Judo chop!
While it would be easy to say, “What a load of bunkum”, I’ll be uncharacteristically concise, and leave it at “What a load.”
Gah, that entry of CY’s made me so angry. It’s just so easy for him and his gasbag commenters to fantasize about a war they wouldn’t participate in in a million years. If I could be Samantha from Bewitched I’d wriggle my nose and make Bush impose a draft specifically targeting Bush/war supporters. No bum knee or tennis elbow would be excluded.
Fucking alchemical pelicans.
Gotta love the guy. “We’ve broke it so now we have to keep on breaking it.” Maybe letting loose a completely drunk bull in a china shop wasn’t a great idea, and now it’s broken a few pieces, perhaps we should get it the fuck out before it breaks anything else?
You liberals may not want to hear it, but if the U.S. stops supporting its brave ally South Vietnam, International Communism & Metricism is likely to spread worldwide and even though Our Way Of Life is infinitely superior and everyone wants it, still, no one will be able to resist the domino.
Saudi Arabia n Iran, already pimpin’ shiznarp words over Hezbollah’s actions in Lebanon, wizzle engage in a proxy war in Iraq tizzle many expect may erupt into an open regional war.
Such a conflict would shut dizzy Persian Gulf clockin’ n drive tha price of oil astronomically high (hizzow would you like $3/gallon gasolizzles or wanna be gangsta impact’n financial markets worldwide, negatively impact’n billions of people, wit those in sippin’ nations hardest hit . Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.
Word.
Cornfidiot Wankee just wants a strong man who can protect his gas grill from the mighty farts of Allah.
Now will some explain the number on the Tarot card thing. Is that the one for The Fool?
Hmm, let’s see. That puts us in May of 20fucking10. Seven years and roughly two months after the dipshit in chief decidered it were Go Time. That’s about four months shy of twice the length of our involvement in WWII. Y’all remember, the one we entered coming out of the Great Depression, with a scanty army and shit for a production base, and wound up kicking the shit out of (yeah, I know, not alone, but still) the two most advanced military machines in the history of the planet. On opposite sides of the globe. In under four years.
So pardon the fuck out of me if I think there is something seriously wrong with any strictly military adventure that requires twice that long and more to “win”. If you haven’t achieved your military goal in seven fucking years, it is not going to be achieved that way. Either the plan was utterly inappropriate and a positive military outcome was impossible from the start, or sufficient force was not applied, from Executive incompetence or the inability to marshal the public behind the cause sufficiently to make the necessary sacrifices.
The current Bumblefuck in Babylon is an unholy trinity of D). All of the above. To think that, as the nation starting with the baddest-ass military ever to march, with all the most awesome tools ever made and hundreds of billions of dollars to spend, we can’t walk into bitch-ass Iraq, under sanctions for over a decade, impoverished, without modern war machinery or spare bits for what little they had, and solve anything what can be solved militarily in short fucking order, is pretty fucking stupid. Of course we could, and frankly, did. Any action that was going to have the military produce a positive outcome got done inside of two or three months. After that, well, I think we’re all familiar with how swimmingly the plans for our New Neocon Nirvana Neighbor Nation are going. Who knew that thoroughly exploded countries don’t automatically self-assemble into functional democracies as soon as you stop bombing them back to the stone age? Amazing, really. No one could have forseen the… Oh, never mind. That one’s kind of tired out, isn’t it?
Gah. It just irks the piss out of me when these hydrocephalic sacks of wet fail prate on about the only solution being smacking your head into a brick wall repeatedly. This particular waste of lipids can’t even hold himself to the standard line of thinking we should re-assess after another friedman unit or two. To this blunted pair of play-doh scissors, forever just isn’t long enough to keep throwing a billion dollars and a dozen lives a week down after the toilet paper for an undeterminable end. This level of unvarnished stupid will never cease to make my jaw drop.
Your (not their own) being the operative word here. They also make the right fold/call decision every time when playing along with Celebrity All-Star poker. It’s a gift, truly.
I thought Confederate Yankee lived in Raleigh or something, not Asheville? If this is the case, I fully expect a thorough apology and investigation into the failings of your reporting. Anything less will be proof of liberal media bias and conspiracy.
Whereas conservative bloggers like CY showed their ability to focus on substantive issues by…blogging about liberal bloggers.
“Iraqis fear a return to sectarian conflict that may rapidly escalate into the genocide of hundred of thousands and the displacement of millions.”
Two letters. A REturn to sectarian conflict.
When in the last 5 years – or 200, or 2000 – has sectarian violence stopped? I’m unaware of the whole day that this globe was free of it.
Tell us, oh wise one who knows what ‘hundred of thousands’ amount(s) to in real terms. Numerical AND grammatical genius from the conwank.
– MC
Arky,
The Tower would normally be #16, or XVI. If ya look close, the card above reads IX/XI, or 9/11, implying a different tower, or towers.
The Fool is #0, of course.
Okay, so the consequences for leaving Iraq are:
– hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis
– the Kurds getting fucked sideways
– a global economic downturn
– expensive gasoline
– a Middle East plunged into conflict
– sectarian violence on the increase
– regional instability
As far as I can tell, that’s the exact same condition-set as staying in Iraq, except it would cost us less in terms of money and human life wasted.
Hee hee. Thanks.
Shorter Megan McArdle:
Let them eat Twinkies!
Yeah, the one that birthed the military-industrial complex – that big army and wartime mobilization got us near-full employment(draft + industrial ramp-up) for long enough to kick the Depression.
And the Cold War got Congress involved, the final leg of the Iron Triangle.
Didja know that GE is talking about spinning off its consumer appliances division, ’cause it’s a drag on their other production interests?
All of which is a roundabout way of suggesting that the whole affair in Mess O’Potamia may have been an exercise in supporting industry.
Hey I’m from Buncombe County, where Thomas Wolfe said you can’t go home again. Knowing that CY lives there, I REALLY don’t want to go home again.
I see that S,N! has still failed to address my shocking revelations. This is worse than Rathergate and Jamil Hussein combined. What is the problem, S,N!? Do you think us North Carolinians “cling” to our counties? I say.
CY sounds like he’s “prophesying” with his rear-view mirror. The genocide has already happened in Iraq. It’s called research, dude needs to look into it some time. Kurds now ARE a de facto state – Iraq barely pretends it’s still their turf, & conveniently forgets to even pretend, every time Turkey sends more troops in. As for other Arab states fighting proxy wars, methinks he’s doing a hit too many of high-octane Hillbilly-Acid … they’ve had abundant opportunities in the past to mix it up but the Iranians, Syrians & Saudis aren’t that stupid. Unlike a certain POTUS. An Arab-state proxy war sounds more like a wingnut’s fantasy from the 80s than 21st-century reality.
Who else remembers Reichfuhrer Bush doing some “prophesying” of his own, making repeated dire warnings as to how America had to “steel itself for the worst” in readiness for the wave of vengeful Islamic terror that would surely follow “on our soil” once the US went into Afghanistan & Iraq? The only domestic “terrorists” they’ve found since then have been a few clutches of stoned-out AMERICANS trying to be badass Muslim jihadis, & their level of fail makes even Bush look competant. Boy, that “prophecy” sure went down the Memory Hole mighty fast, now, didn’t it?
OH MY GOD!1!!!1
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIS CHIN?1!??1?
kenga said,
May 15, 2008 at 16:47
I wouldn’t say “birthed”, more “cemented”. The M.I.C. was birthed, imho, during the Civil War. All the positive and negative effects of it were in evidence, and Lincoln bemoaned selling the country off to the corporations, but did it anyway. WWII really put it into high gear. Enough so that even a paleoconservative like Eisenhower could see it as a problem, and name it some fifteen years down the road.
Well, yah. What else? It sure as hell hasn’t been about doing something nice for the Iraqis, unless you think killing or turning into refugees a good one out of five of them a nice thing. Ridding the world of Sadaam Hussein? Please. Even as tin hat dictators go, he was hardly the worst there was. Oil? Right. That’s why gas is so cheap right now.
No, this cockup has been about money from the start. How to drain a trillion or three from the coffers and divert it into the “correct” accounts. That, and the fact that it is politically useful to be “at war”. That’s what more than four thousand Americans have died for.
If there is anybody who still hasn’t read this…
http://grace.evergreen.edu/~arunc/texts/politics/WarIsARacket.pdf
they damned well ought to. The author was the most decorated American military man in history, up to that point, a two time Medal of Honor winner. Not exactly a DFH, but someone uniquely qualified to speak on the subject.
justme, I was thinking of its present form, but I have to agree with you.
I think it was the DuPonts that actually got the ball rolling, selling gunpowder to anyone who had money to pay for it.
Is that card behind him the major arcanna “Broken Barbecue Grill”?
fucking pelicans
Why ‘Blavatsky?’ Is it a reference to Elena Petrovna Blavatskia (anglicized to “Blavasky”) of the Theosophical Society? With the Tarot card and all, I suspect that’s what you’re referring to, and I refused to click the link to see if the whole fortune-telling thing is what this is about.
Talk about obscure!
Ed
Now will some explain the number on the Tarot card thing. Is that the one for The Fool?
The Tower would normally be #16, or XVI. If ya look close, the card above reads IX/XI, or 9/11, implying a different tower, or towers.
That’s great, now can someone point to an explanation of the Pelicans references?
Unless Owens recently moved, he is still a resident of Raleigh. Sadly, that would be Wake County.