Or Conversely, Think Jonah Goldberg as Jonah Goldberg

The Pantload, explaining to the kidz how Barack and Michelle Obama are yuppies:

For those too young to remember, “yuppie” was shorthand for young urban professionals – think Michael J. Fox as Alex P. Keaton in the TV series “Family Ties” – who allegedly represented the collapse of ’60s values and the triumph of ’80s greed. Yuppies sold their souls for a BMW and a condo.

Um, Doughbob? If they’re too young to remember what a yuppie is, I seriously doubt they know about Alex P. Keaton and ‘Family Ties’.

Ironically, the biggest complaints about yuppie materialism came from self-loathing liberal yuppies – like the Obamas.

‘Self-loathing liberal yuppies.’ Folks, we’ve come full circle, given the well-known construction of liberal = fascist. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you M. Goldberg’s pièce de résistance: The self-hating Nazi.


Comments: 49


The fact is, Goldberg is brilliant. Unlike you liberals.


Is this my cue to make fun of people with Parkinson’s Disease?


Come and get me, Gary!


every liberal is a self-hater according to Goldblatt.


Bad = Selling your souls for beemers and condos.

Good = Getting on WingNutWelFare(TM) for a bag of Cheetos and 2 liters of Mountain Dew.

You know the real reason Johan LœdedHösen doesn’t like yuppies, don’t ya? Come on, what’s the other thing they’re known for? No, not cocaine.

That’s right! Work. Lots of work. Class A types with insanely grueling work schedules, scrambling up the corporate ladder, ambition, determination, achievement and other long scary words that have nothing to do with getting a “job” by whining to mommy. And most horrific of all to the blobbulous one: Yuppies kept themselves in shape.

DoughKnob really couldn’t be more pathetic if he tried.


Yuppie is another one of those words that’s lost all meaning. I think I’ll right a book called Redneck Yuppism about how white trash are the real yuppies.

Oh, and seriously, WordPress can suck a dick.


Yes, I can. And beautifully, too.


Speaking of self-hating, how many of my parents are ex-Jews? C’mon, guess!


Isn’t Jonah Goldberg the spawn of Lucyanne Goldberg of the Monica/Linda Tripp fame? If so, need I say more.


I can beat that. Did you know I used to be a Communist? But I wised up. I figured if I longed for a totalitarian police state, my best bet would be to throw in with the GOP. Also, I had to find some way to pay for little Billy’s orthodontia.

Michael Harrington

That’s clearly an ongoing project.


Didn’t Alex Keaton live at home with his parents? And wasn’t he in in high school when the series started?

How is Alex Keaton a yuppie?


Does this “self-loathing X” trope get any mileage, anywhere else in the world outside the US? In all of the countries I’ve lived in, if you tried the following argument — “I have decided to assign a person to group X, but the person is more concerned with his or her own objectives than the interests of X, therefore the person is a self-loathing X” — then you would get blank looks. And rude gestures. Even if you didn’t know what the gestures meant, you’d know that they were rude.

I will make an exception for “Instapundit is a self-loathing flesh-bag”.


No, wait, it sort of makes sense.

If you don’t like fascists, you must be… A FASCIST!

If you don’t like yuppies, you must be… A YUPPIE!

Similarly, we can say of Goldberg: If you don’t like vegetables, visibly preferring large quantities of snack foods, you must be… A VEGETABLE!

At this rate Vince McMahon will be running Meet the Press any day now. With poo!


That makes me a self-loathing WordPress.


Also, isn’t “self-loathing yuppie” as much a contradiction as “liberal fascist?” I mean, I always thought that arrogance and narcissism were chief characteristics of the yuppie type.


Wait, I’m old enough to remember that show, and Alex Keaton was a vocal conservative who was “rebelling” against his hippie parents.
Goldberg just accused Obama of being like a Reagan supporter.
And yeah, please fix the comments.


Ironically, the biggest complaints about yuppie materialism came from self-loathing liberal yuppies – like the Obamas.
Sensors report a complete lack of irony in this statement (as well as the absence of truth). Perhaps he is striving for some form of meta-irony.


And the LORD spake unto Moses, go unto WordPress, and say unto him,
thus saith the LORD, Let my comments go, that they may serve me.


Ironically, the biggest complaints about yuppie materialism… self-loathing liberal yuppies … Obamas
Thinking more about that sentence, the sheer quantity of untruth contained in it reveals a gap in the English lexicon. ‘Lying’ and ‘mendacious’ and ‘meretricious’ simply aren’t strong enough.


I had no idea that the contents of his Big Chief tablets were on the web. These rants against modernity, these calls for better theology and geometry, and these numerous passages against trollops and cretins are, though still amusing, probably placing tremendous pressure against his valve. I worry for dear Ignatius J. Goldberg and his dear mother, too.


That Family Ties shit is priceless.

“What’s that? You kids don’t know who Bobby Vinton is? Well, just think of a younger Billy Fury!”


Isn’t the Pantload LBJ’s bastard son?


And aren’t Yuppies dirty capitalist pigs? Guess Lucianne’s PantyLoad prefers socialists.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg



C’mon, Goldberg, I already wrote a book about this, Bobos in Paradise, about the fused worldview of the bourgeoisie and bohemians. The Obamas are Bobos. And another thing, black Yuppies are Buppies. Get it straight. I guess that means the Obamas are Bubobos. Oh my God! That sounds like the Plague. The Black Plague is coming!


Gary–Pantload is brilliant? Do you actually read what he writes? Egads.

If I see the words “self-loathing” applied to any Democrats by these wingnuts again my head might actually explode from something other than trigeminal neuralgia. Seriously.



Oh, I just can’t wait to see what Pantload tried to write in this issue of NR Print. Michelle Obama is on the cover. I think I was wrong about the subscription though, I think it is about to end….but now that you guys have introduced me to TownHall (which makes me want to use a scouring brush to bathe every time I go there) I won’t need to be angered by the print version.


He was afraid to call them Buppies.


Check 1, 2, 3, 4.


Okay, try #2:

The Obamas don’t hate themselves like David Horowitz does. After all, they didn’t follow their giant egos to be in the middle of the Black Panther offices and then get horrified when a female friend apparently got killed by one of the members over a money dispute. So let me know when Obama didn’t just once visit Bill Ayers house but worked in the Weather Underground offices which would be like what David Horowitz did.


Ah, more Pantloadian logic from a guy who doesn’t even know the definition of “sophistry.”

Next Mr. Pantload will argue that pedophile priests were the innocent victims of those nefarious and predatory, grade-school alter boys who were JUST_ASKING_FOR_IT!

Or that the Great Depression was caused by all those poor people living in Hoovervilles.

Then: up is down, fat is the new skinny, and many more ridiculous uses of the worst sort of twisted and insane sophistry and pseudo-logic imaginable.

After all, when engulfed in a Wizard of Oz belief system (just close your eyes, click your hells three times, and everything you believe is true, the facts and reason be damned), you can make up any shit you like, and, PRESTO! It’s true!

It’s like the Age of Enlightenment has taken 10,000,000 steps backwards. Only wayyyyy dumber.


And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.


Jonah’s expiration date has come and gone. He’s starting to smell and turn a fuzzy green. Time for him to make way for younger bloggers, some of whom might actually have skills to whore out.


Susan–or let Steyn step in for this issue’s cover story on Michelle Obama. Damn, that Steyn is just so not witty, it kills me!


Steyn really pisses me off. He set his little winged monkeys on me just becasue I said he had an empty attic of a brain.

The jumped-up disk jokey and his Steyned Shirts have a grossly exaggerated view of themselves. It’s time for a little push-back.


Heh, I meant jockey, but the other works too.


Why aren’t Family Ties references ever about that kid Skippy who was always sniffing around Justine Bateman?


Because Jonah Goldberg was always the loser kid sniffing around the pretty, popular girl with the badass* boyfriend. Although while Skippy chose to be self-deprecating, Jonah chose to be a pompous twit hiding a Comic Book Guy interior.

*Not really. This was the 80’s.


Aren’t yuppies stereotypically Republican? Like, you know, Alex Keaton?

Palmer Eldritch

I could swear that somebody edited the shit out of that for him, too. Or kicked him down a Xanax.

Doctorb Science

Really? I thought it read like some kind of Markov chain complaint generator, or a hundred-year-old blogger or something like that. I don’t know, the first page anyway, because who the hell designs a web page where you have to click something to get the next damn block of text? I mean seriously, it’s NOT A MAGAZINE even if you call it one. I guess it’s supposed to puke up a dozen pop-up ads every time you virtually cyber-eTurn the eVirtual intercyber-ePage.

Anyway, I skimmed the other page. The “waiting for Godot” reference is great. Something about it just says “Look at me, I read a fancy play’s Cliff’s Notes (or at least someone emailed me a description of it but then I read that email all by my self yay!)”.


Aren’t yuppies stereotypically Republican? Like, you know, Alex Keaton?

I thought that’s what differentiated yuppies from yuppie fucks.


… every time you virtually cyber-eTurn the eVirtual intercyber-ePage.

Woe – that gave me a big icky flashback to what things were like in 1999. People (at least advertisers) were still clinging to the idea that 2000 was the start of The! Future! but they had to stick to a vision that was attainable in the next few months. None of this “no more disease or poverty and we will all vacation on the Moon” claptrap you heard in the Fifties. No, The! Future! was all about us using wireless devices to do day-trading in our SUVs. Though beats the shit out of the bedwetting vision of war and horror and Freedom Fries that wandered along soon enough after, it was just so tawdry.


[…]The self-hating Nazi.

Only the lazy ones self-hate. Including other people in the loathing is too harrrrd.


Come on, people. Don’t you see?

This column was written by Jonah Goldberg. Family Ties was created by Gary David Goldberg!!! Are you blind?

This is central to my point.

Oh, and WordPress is sucking.


Yuppie liberals?
Rush Limbaugh beat that to death circa 1998.
Sounded just as clueless then as it does today.
Yeah, insightful political commentary ALWAYS uses “Family Ties” as a reference point. Chomsky uses it so much he should buy Michael J. Fox a car or something. It’s the hallmark of real intellectuals. Along with “Waiting For Godot” … holy fuck, get this goober a REAL brain, please, or for that matter a colouring-book, just keep him away from computers.
Funny – noone uses “yuppie” anymore.
Nor is anyone going in for “guppie” as a geriatric analogue.
The Bible got it right: this guy IS fish-vomit.


Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Time-Share in The Hamptons!


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