Infallibility Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry
his favorite book
Well, the pope and his little pope-mobile are coming here to DC and, good gay abortionists that we are, we would be doing our reputation a disservice if we didn’t post something about the pope in honor of the historic visit. And, thankfully, Billy Donohue, the head of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights for Straight White Geriatric Male Catholics and Blastocysts, has been happy to oblige us with some material. Bill Maher said some naughty things about the pope and Donohue hasn’t gotten so worked about anything since some sculptor did an anatomically correct Jesus with dark, rather than white, chocolate. And the best thing about a Billy tantrum is that he totally unmoors himself from truth and reality, says pretty much whatever pops into his medieval brain, declares that the truth and then accuses the other side of lying.
So, of course, Bill Donohue titles his reply piece “Maher Lies About the Pope.” Let’s see who’s lying, shall we?
Maher’s obsession with the Catholic Church continues, only this time there isn’t enough material for him to use as a club, so he literally makes things up. His lies include the following statement: ‘When the—when the current pope was in his previous Vatican job as John Paul’s Dick Cheney—he wrote a letter instructing every Catholic bishop to keep the sex abuse of minors secret until the statute of limitations ran out.’
A similar lie was floated by an angry ex-Catholic bigot, Rosie O’Donnell.
Boy, this must be serious if Donahue pulls out the Defense League’s super powerful death-ray gun — “Rosie said it! It has to be false!!”
The fact is that before he was named pope, Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger had absolutely nothing to do with policing allegations of sexual abuse until 2002, after the scandal erupted that January. And he certainly never counseled bishops to keep sexual abuse secret—this is a bald face lie.
“The fact is”? Have we discovered the true identity of Gary Ruppert? And you know when something starts with “the fact is” it usually isn’t, and Donahue here is telling a teeny little fib. Well, actually it’s a basilica-sized whopper. Before saying Ratzi never counseled bishops to keep sexual abuse secret, Donahue should have made sure that there were no inconvenient letters floating around. Like, say, this one:
Pope Benedict XVI faced claims last night he had ‘obstructed justice’ after it emerged he issued an order ensuring the church’s investigations into child sex abuse claims be carried out in secret.
The order was made in a confidential letter, obtained by The Observer, which was sent to every Catholic bishop in May 2001.
It asserted the church’s right to hold its inquiries behind closed doors and keep the evidence confidential for up to 10 years after the victims reached adulthood. The letter was signed by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who was elected as John Paul II’s successor last week. …
It orders that ‘preliminary investigations’ into any claims of abuse should be sent to Ratzinger’s office, which has the option of referring them back to private tribunals in which the ‘functions of judge, promoter of justice, notary and legal representative can validly be performed for these cases only by priests’.
‘Cases of this kind are subject to the pontifical secret,’ Ratzinger’s letter concludes. Breaching the pontifical secret at any time while the 10-year jurisdiction order is operating carries penalties, including the threat of excommunication.
Oops.
Indeed, a week before Pope John Paul II died, [Cardinal Ratzinger] addressed the scandal by saying, ‘How much filth there is in the church, even among those who, in the priesthood, should belong entirely’ to God.
At which point all pedophile priests were immediately turned over to the authorities, the Catholic Church made amends to every single altar boy ever dandled by a priest, and the whole scandal instantly vanished, which never would have happened if Ratzinger hadn’t made that comment.
The fact is, I like this Donohue chap.
Shalo…er…glad tidings, gentlemen.
The fact is, the fact isn’t.
Oh, and it’s “you’re sorry”.
I normally wouldn’t bother grammar policing, but I hold this site in slightly higher esteem than most. The your/you’re thing is a burr in my butt.
[Thanks. I fixed it. I came up with the title right before posting and didn’t look at it carefully. I usually go back to check your/you’re, it’s/its, and their/there, but I didn’t this time. -Clif]
The fact is, the best thing to come out of the Catholic Church is “the Exorcist”.
OMG….they actually already had comments by the time I clicked on it. Do you guys just reload the browser constantly?
Fuck. I forgot what I was going to even say. Oh yeah, this does jibe with some rather weird Catholic prophecy. “Evil in the highest levels of the Church”etc. But then I am Catholic, so I should add that caveat before I get flamed.
Gary, will you please stop by my blog and say hey? Saul, you can come too. I imagine you guys are like the electric shocks in that movie Poltergeist and travel in pairs at all times.
Maher’s kind of stuck on some stupid issues IMHO. He WILL not shut up about women only being after certain things in relationships etc.; he’s famous and lives in LA, what does he expect? I like emotional space and tons of sex, personally. I can’t be the ONLY woman like this out there. But Bill Maher likes to insist that I must be. I just wouldn’t want lots of sex with him because his hair is retarded and his nose looks like a turkey’s butt. But he seems equally obsessed with feeling attacked for being an atheist or whatever. I feel attacked for being not a WASP, so maybe we’re both just paranoid. Either way, he’s better than Gary Ruppert.
Legalize–I’m pretty cute too.
What is Bill Donohue actually good for? The irony is that his statements have probably further defamed and caused more shame to the Catholic Church than anything he’s ever protested.
“I like emotional space and tons of sex, personally.”
Lex, prepare for an avalanche of attention, from the sublime to the retarded.
Oh, and wordpress also thought up the Bojinka plot.
Donohue and Dick Cheney have angry teeth.
Damn you, word press!!!
What I meant was – he’s so fucking petty. He’s not saving the mother church from the hoardes of barbarians who would torch the sanctuary and spill the blood of martys; he’s saving it from a comic and an unemployed talk show host.
“Evil in the highest levels of the Church” etc.
So…I’m trying to think of a time when there wasn’t evil in the highest levels of the church, at least since the second century…nope. Nothing.
Some prophecy.
and fucking wordpress whispered in Sirhan Sirhan’s ear.
g said,
April 15, 2008 at 20:32
“… an unemployed talk show host.”
I prefer to think of Rosie as “Madonna’s discarded sidekick”.
Two points:
1.) Not just altar boys were abused. Altar boys, non-altar boys, young men and many, many, many girls and women were abused.
2.) The fact is (and it’s really a fact), Gary almost always uses a comma after “the fact is”. Although that is really hard to prove since there are so-oo-oo-oo many fake Garys.
ever dandled by a priest
Leave “dandle” alone. It is a nice word.
What makes you think he’s the only one interested in this knowledge?
Oh! Those zany Catlics! They don’t get any zanier than Billy.
The thing is, the Ratslinger cover-up was widely reported. It’s not that zany Bill didn’t made sure that there were no inconvenient letters floating around.
Nah, he knew it was out, so to speak. He has no trouble repeating what he knows to be a lie. Never did, never will.
Bill Donohue: helping people despise Catholics since 1993.
But then I am Catholic, so I should add that caveat before I get flamed.
Dear Lex, as a former Catholic I’d ask that you reconsider. Perhaps we can discuss this further over drinks at Sadly, No! San Francisco 2008?
Has anybody else noticed this? All those people going on and on about Obama’s “bitter” comment? Don’t they sound kind of bitter?
But I thought his favorite book was 7 Habits of Highly Effective Liars.
The fact is, you liberals
Sure, sure, whatever.
But what’s wrong with his mouth????
mikey
Seriously. He looks pretty constipated in that picture.
I hunger!
WordPress said,
April 15, 2008 at 21:36 (kill)
I hunger!
[Furiously working on sinibombs…]
Darn you, wordpress!
He’s got a candle up the wahoo. It was a tragic altar boy accident. The worst part was getting someone to blow it out.
The fact is, i want to see Donahue and Hagee in a no holds barred cage match, while waering spandex costumes.
And wordpress sucks. I blame the Papists.
The pope should be in jail for obstruction of justice.
We are surrounded by insanity. I blame Gary Ruppert.
The fact is, the Catholic church was smart in choosing a new Pope who looks like Emporer Palpatine. All the better for frightening you liberals.
The fact is, i want to see Donahue and Hagee in a no holds barred cage match, while waering spandex costumes.
No. You. Don’t. If you really do, you’re one seriously disturbed creature.
WordPress can be seen on the grassy knoll in the Zapruder film.
Or in Doknowwho’s case: Being Inflatable Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry.
Being WordPress means saying: HA HA, U HAD A QUOTE BUT I ATED IT!
3:52 pm – the bastard WordPress has stollen my last blue pen. I must take precautions.
I can hear WordPress’s heart beating under the floorboards of my house.
OT: Can anyone tell me about what our (S,N!) authority rank on technorati might be?
The balrog “WordPress” has eated my wizardry.
The WordPress Ated My Snowflake Baybee!
Meanwhile, in Movie B, (Papal)Snakes on a Plane:
The Pope went on to say “I was wrong to keep it quiet, wrong in trying to hide it. And I was wrong in trying to shift the focus from Church policy to the the few priests that actually got caught. I am ashamed of myself.”
Okay, I made part of that up. I’m so enamored of Billy D. I can’t help but add some lies to everything.
WordPress was a senior advisor to Idi Amin.
WordPress can be seen on the grassy knoll in the Zapruder film.
Simpsons did it!
Kampf nicht mit Ungeheuern, damit Sie ein Ungeheuer werden. Wenn Sie in den Wortpresse starren, starrt der Wortpresse in Sie auch.
Let Donahue explain this one:
Satanists for Conservatism!
No kidding…
“Satan co-exsists with the Christian Conservative’s and with this we must co-exsist to take on Liberal Foolery we must unite as a front.”
http://www.templesofsatan.com/about.html
WordPress, what the frick who what !?!?!
I can hear WordPress’s heart beating under the floorboards of my house.
Prince Prospero unmasked WordPress in the seventh room.
The your/you’re thing is a burr in my butt.
You might want to have a doctor look at that.
The fact is, the best thing to come out of the Catholic Church is “the Exorcist”.
The fact is, “The Ninth Gate” made “The Exorcist” look like an episode of “Romper Room”. A guy dousing himself with gasoline and lighting himself on fire, vs green vomit, is all I’m saying.
I’ve got a beef with Sadly, No!. With this letter, I hope to avoid the extremes of a pessimistic naturalism and an optimistic humanism by combining the truths of both. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: Sadly, No! sees itself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx’s proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who call your attention to the problem of cantankerous clodpolls). Sadly, No! focuses on feelings rather than facts. Sure, it attempts to twist and distort facts to justify its feelings but that just goes to show that Sadly, No!’s hysteria-producing vaporings are sufficient to give pause to the less thoughtful among us. “Oh, oh,” such people think. “We’d better help Sadly, No! make people suspicious of those who speak the truth — just in case.”
One may very well question whether the absurdity of Sadly, No!’s suggestions did not dawn on me until I realized that we must shake off our torpor, ignore the siren songs of particularism, and enable adversaries to meet each other and establish direct personal bonds that contradict the stereotypes they rely upon to power their offensive smear tactics. Still, most people will eventually be convinced that it’s patronizing survivalists like Sadly, No! that place Pecksniffian cockalorums at the head of a nationwide kakistocracy. Now that’s a rather crude and simplistic statement and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it definitely expresses how what I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of an unregenerate wacko. It’s a fact. I never used to be particularly concerned about Sadly, No!’s circulars. Any damned fool, or so I thought, could see that there may be absolutely nothing we can do to prevent Sadly, No! from making good on its word to seek vengeance on those unrepentant souls who persist in challenging its perorations. When we compare this disturbing conclusion to the comforting picture purveyed by its hirelings, we experience psychological stress or “cognitive dissonance”. Our only recourse is to make the world safe for democracy.
It is not news that it would be a mistake to believe that Sadly, No! has its moral compass in tact. What speaks volumes, though, is that whenever there’s an argument about its devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that careful examination of its jokes have left me no choice but to conclude that it obviously dropped a clanger by admitting that it and its hangers-on are social pariahs and should be ostracized. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. Sadly, No! likes to seem smarter than it really is. It therefore always amuses me whenever it cracks open a thesaurus, aims for intellectualism, misses, and lands squarely in a puddle of obstreperous frippery. This is well illustrated in what remains one of the most divisive issues of our day: autism. What I want to know is how many people have had their lives ruined by Sadly, No!. Dozens, unquestionably. Hundreds, very possibly. Thousands is not out of the realm of possibility. Regardless of the exact number, when I hear Sadly, No! say that it’s the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread, I have to wonder about it. Is it utterly filthy? Is it simply being demented? Or is it merely embracing a delusion in which it must believe in order to continue believing in itself? It’s an interesting question and its examination will help us understand how Sadly, No!’s policies work. Let me start by providing evidence that the main dissensus between me and Sadly, No! is that I warrant that Sadly, No! is operating under the misguided assumption that exploitative grizzlers and phallocentrism-prone rubes should rule this country. Sadly, No!, on the other hand, contends that it is always being misrepresented and/or persecuted. The recent outrage at Sadly, No!’s taradiddles may point to a brighter future. For now, however, I must leave you knowing that our future is hopeless indeed if we do not bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth.
Brussel sprouts + Blazing Saddles quotes = WordPress tyrany. You people brought this upon yourselves!
My apologies to OneMan. It was a youthful indiscretion.
(signed)
Joe Biden
Burn the witch! Burn the witch!
Also, Khmer for WordPress is “Pol Pot.”
Joe Max,
I forwarded your link to the temples of satan to my real satanist friend. He’s freaking out.
Thank you, from the bottom of my shriveled, black heart.
Fuck the pope. How many divisions does he have?
He’s got those Switzers, and you do not want to mess with those guys. They may seem all neutral and stuff, but watch it.
Also I saw him shoot lightning out of his fingers, fatally wounding Darth Freaking Vader, so, you know, pretty badass guy.
“Brussel sprouts + Blazing Saddles quotes = WordPress tyrany. You people brought this upon yourselves!”
L, are you looking at me !?!?
but I’m talkin’ bout Shaft !
Oh yeah? Well, I want Fred Thompson to run for president with Pope Ratzo as his running mate, and I want both of them to appear in public smeared in Crisco with leather man panties.
WordPress is a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
Good WordPresses make good neighbors
I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with… geometric logic… that WordPress possessed a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox.
The only good WordPress is a dead WordPress.
What do you have to do; “trick” the mother###### ?
I was trying to say something nice about WordPress since he is so erudite and uses long words and stuff, but he keeps telling me that I can’t post anything and something about cookies…. Yum. So, I take back anything nice I ever said about WordPress.
Wanker.
Fuck the pope. How many divisions does he have?
It all depends. How sharp is your chainsaw?
Cliff Schecter made teh funny at Americablog today.
This fucking WordPress is a conspiracy so immense and an infamy so black as to dwarf any previous such venture in the history of man.
In my humble opinion, WordPress is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on mankind.
The only thing we have to fear from WordPress is WordPress itself.
The fact is, SHUT UP!
WordPress will bury you!
WordPress encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
Toby–OK, ok. It’s all perspective anyway though. Just what I’ve been told. Not like pics of me are too hard to find though….LOL….remember though, I was saying that I’m Catholic and cute, so they can turn out something sort of OK, depending on prevailing attitudes towards me.
OneMan–if it hasn’t happened then I was just escaping and getting by on my snarkiness. As for the prophecy stuff, there is just the most amazingly weird site out there called Bible Probe that features everything from “ghost pics” to “Jesus as Ghost” pics to sections on UFOs, Prophecies, Bible Codes, “Muhammad–Prophet or Terrorist”….I’m talking some major good wack-job shit there. Just don’t knock The Exorcist. Jason Miller is my man (R.I.P.–“Go Irish!”).
Commie–whatever works for you, but I can’t make it to SF, and I used to effing live there! I can host a more “flyover” version or something though….I actually became Catholic in 05 though, so I did this on purpose, though some of my Photoshops probably warrant excommunication. Oh well.
Mr. WordPress, tear down this wall!
Wave to the cameras, WordPress.
“Mr. Castro, shave off that beard !”
WordPress kept us locked in a secret basement room and made us watch nasty movies. WordPress made us eat spiders. This is where WordPress touched me.
WordPress is a worse threat to the US than terrorists or Islam.
The fact is, WordPress is cock.
Hunh? Wait a minute.. What the…?
But I saw something nasty in the woodshed!
22nd try….
Toby–OK, ok. It’s all perspective anyway though. Just what I’ve been told. Not like pics of me are too hard to find though….LOL….remember though, I was saying that I’m Catholic and cute, so they can turn out something sort of OK, depending on prevailing attitudes towards me.
Now, aren’t you all ashamed of yourselves? Imagine! WordPress is probably just lonely and wants to be friends, and you kids are all teasing him and making fun of him! I want you to all march straight out of this house, this very minute, and ask WordPress if he would like to come to dinner tonight. We’re having meatloaf.
WordPress is not love. WordPress is a hammer which we use to crush the enemy.
But I saw something nasty in the WordPress!
Alright. I’m sorry WordPress. But you really need to stop lashing out, man.
2nd try: see, you did it again!
3rd try: look, I’m reaching out here!
dammit that was supposed to be Chairman Mao.
Me, too!
In waking a wordpress, use a long stick.
Now?
OneMan–if it hasn’t happened then I was just escaping and getting by on my snarkiness. As for the prophecy stuff, there is just the most amazingly weird site out there called Bible Probe that features everything from “ghost pics” to “Jesus as Ghost” pics to sections on UFOs, Prophecies, Bible Codes, “Muhammad–Prophet or Terrorist”….I’m talking some major good wack-job shit there. Just don’t knock The Exorcist. Jason Miller is my man (R.I.P.–“Go Irish!”).
There was so much more….
OneMan–if it hasn’t happened then I was just escaping and getting by on my snarkiness. As for the prophecy stuff, there is just the most amazingly weird site out there called Bible Probe that features everything from “ghost pics” to “Jesus as Ghost” pics to sections on UFOs, Prophecies, Bible Codes, “Muhammad–Prophet or Terrorist”….I’m talking some major good wack-job shit there. Just don’t knock The Exorcist. Jason Miller is my man (R.I.P.–“Go Irish!”).
I had so much more to say. Ugh. Just go to Bibleprobe.com and see why they all need a good probe over there. Wack-job-mania!!
WordPress encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
So do !!
mikey
I have a truly marvellous proof of this proposition, which WordPress swallowed.
Translation of WordPress’s narrative;
“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child – miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill disciplined, despotic, and useless. Liberalism is the philosophy of sniveling brats.” – P.J. O’Rourke
Feel better that you know what he said now, do ya’??
It is by its promise of a sense of power that WordPress often attracts the weak.
AND here you all are…isn’t it cozy??
Sufficient unto the day is the WordPress thereof.
WordPress is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful blogging provider I’ve ever known in my life.
Winghunter:
If you’re attempting to be a troll, I’d recommend…
(a) Posting on a thread that’s still active.
(b) Being a little more coherent. You seem to be trying to be insulting, but it’s not clear.
On the other hand, proper grammar or spelling is optional for trolls, and rationality is entirely unnecessary.
Have fun!
I’m not evil! I’m simply misunderstood!
I saw WordPress on the overpass holding a large boulder.
What is it with wingnuts and their inability to smile properly? They’re like aliens standing in front of a mirror attempting to mimic human facial expressions.
WOOOORRDDPPPPREEEEEEEEESSS!
What is it with wingnuts and their inability to smile properly?
This image — and this one — should explain everything.
What the admiral said.
DANDLE is what a nice person does to a tiny child sitting upon his or her knee. Involves bouncing the creature around. They like it, no one knows why.
DIDDLE might be the word you were looking for.
I much prefer a dandling scandal to a diddling scandal…fun for everyone!
What is it with wingnuts and their inability to smile properly?
This image — and this one — should explain everything.
Donohue’s grin reminds me of this guy’s.
Little old lady got mutilated late last night;
WordPress of London again.
One thing the RCs do is hierarchy. So, is Bilbo Dodo a bishop? A cardinal? No, he’s a fat old nth-gen bogtrotter and $300k/year wingnut welfare whore who’s on every cablenews producer’s speed-dial and pays his own cab fare to the studio whenever there’s a chance to get his ugly face on the teevee.
In short, who died and made this fucker pope?
http://www.toadking.com/6×9=42/ghostbusters.jpg
Was that in the “Jesus as Ghost” section?
Well, ahem, I think the thing is that it’s probably hard to find a priest who can lie so directly with a straight face about so many different topics. Jesuits learn to present the truth in a variety of ways, to equivocate, to, in the parlance of the day, “spin”, but to just directly piss on your leg and tell you it’s raining would make them blush.
Plus, as a “lay” person (now there’s an unpleasant image), not part of the church hierarchy, he hasn’t taken an oath of obedience. Whenever he’s caught plainly telling a demonstrable and obvious lie, which really doesn’t seem to happen most of the time, it only reflects badly on the church through association. If it were a priest doing that, it would be like the church literally getting on TV and lying. So he’s kind of a proxy or a deniable asset or something like that.
While hatin’ on WordPress is teh shizzle, you gotta admit this is a great word, from “WordPress”‘s screed way upthread (Complaint Letter Generator?):
::taradiddles ::
What’s that? you ask.
—
frrrzzl ffrrkknnn 2nd try…. grrrrrrr, sorry if a double post.
dont forget that cardinal law has a place of honor in this popes vatican. and law was the guy that covered up the abuse in boston for years.