Shorter Roger L. Simon
Posted on April 1st, 2008 by Tintin
The Huffington Post and Pajamas Media – Who’s got the magic?
Roger L. Simon: able to leap over Huffington Post in a single
bound!
- Who cares if Huffington Post gets 3.7 million unique visitors per month? We get 4 million visitors if you also count the people who visit the blogs on our blogroll. And it’s 8 million if you also include the people who visit the blogs on the blogrolls of the blogs on our blogroll. Nyah-nyah-nyah. So there.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Gavin adds: Dood, let’s add freakin’ Perez Hilton to our freakin’ blogroll, for shall we not then eat like kings?
Wow. According to this logic, I have the most popular blog on the Internet. Woot!
Good luck explaining that to ad buyers, fedora-boy.
I’m 6’5″ and 220 pounds of rippling muscle, if you include my fictional version of myself.
4 million people saw ‘Scenes From a Mall’, if you include the people who saw everything else Woody Allen has ever been in.
Six Degrees of Fucking Dipshit?
I’ve slept with Marie Jon’, if you include all of the partners of people I’ve slept with and all of their partners and all of their partners and all of their partners and all of their partners and all of ther partners and all of their partners and all of their partners.
Of course, by that logic I’ve also slept with Roger L. Simon. Does that make my blog the most popular on the internets?
Alternatively, shorter Roger L. Simon:
“3.7 million hits, eh? Well, my website is older and doesn’t get nearly as much traffic. Where’s my write-up in the Times?”
Somehow it always matters like everything in the world to wingnuts how many visitors their blogs get. Until somebody lets slip the readership figure of, say.. Daily Kos.
On Sunday morning, my wife put a bowl of low-fat, high-fiber cereal down the in-sink disposal in the kitchen. We discovered last night that the soggy cereal had clogged the stupid thing, and over the course of the (warm Florida) day the mixture of milk and tasty carbohydrates had started to decompose. It smelled truly awful; I opened all my windows, let half a bottle of Drano work its magic, and let it shred four lemon halves to get rid of the smell.
I mention this only because “Pajamas Media Blogger” is an anagram of “A Garbage Jam Implodes”.
I’m surprised that Roger L. Simon feels a need to pad his unique visitors count and puff up his importance. You’d think that being CEO of the universally respected Pajamas Media and being associated with cutting-edge thinkers like Charles Johnson would give Simon all the self-esteem anyone could possibly need.
The fact is, I’m gonna fuck you up!
Clif, you could have said “Who fucking cares if Huffington Post gets 3.7 million unique visitors per month?”
Just sayin’.
I’m surprised that Roger L. Simon feels a need to pad his unique visitors count and puff up his importance. You’d think that being CEO of the universally respected Pajamas Media and being associated with cutting-edge thinkers like Charles Johnson would give Simon all the self-esteem anyone could possibly need.
Hey, what’s the fun of Roger being a syphillitic conservative if he can’t get people around the world to notice. “Sure, I’ve got syphillis. Why won’t anyone credit me for all the people I share it with?!”
Listen, bitches, I’m the Man Who Created Moses Wine! Cocksuckers.
Oh, Gary, we’re really just not your type: we’re already delinquent sans your contributions, and we’re not minors.
The cussometer seems to be broken, at least when compared with this morning’s results.
In any case, if this doesn’t make you cuss, I don’t know what will.
In any case, if this doesn’t make you cuss, I don’t know what will.
Fuck yeah, indeed. I guess when the chips are down it’s easy to run to the arms of Rich Uncle Rupert and Rich Uncle Scaife.
My fucking donkey just died after almost 14 coscksucking hours – he was the love of my buttfucking odious life. He took a goddamned television to the cock and died anally some days thereafter. He was a cunt.
Ha! He believes in evolution! Bad wingnut. Bad.
I wonder how many of those visitors to Panties Media merely clicked, scrolled down to the comments, and then laughed their asses off … like I just did.
There’s also more Obama silliness over Cuba…
Oh yeah: fuck, tits, blowjob.
I suppose that Simon’s numbers include the people who linked to his site via TBogg when Mr Bogg posted the horrible review that Roger Ebert wrote regarding ‘Scenes From A Mall”, laying the failure of the movie totally on the screenplay. A very scrumptious smackdown. Half of Simon’s hits must come from sites that link to him via postings that warn ‘You won’t believe this. Go check it out for a laugh.”
Do I have to swear now before I leave?
The fact is the foul language on this blog is all too typical of godless liberals intent on destroying America and its Christian values.
We’re gonna fuck up America and your Christian values. As soon as we can figure out what goes where… I’M LOOKING AT YOU, FLORIDA.
In any case, if this doesn’t make you cuss, I don’t know what will.
Maybe the feared collapse of the Democratic Party won’t be such a bad thing after all…
Creative destruction and all that
Leave Florida alone.
Don’t you think they have enough troubles cleaning up after the Jeb Bush governorship?
I live in California and I say, At least we never had Jeb Bush for governor.
Jeb is very funny on Lil’ Bush. I’ll say that for him.
On Sunday morning, my wife put a bowl of low-fat, high-fiber cereal down the in-sink disposal in the kitchen. We discovered last night that the soggy cereal had clogged the stupid thing,
See, I knew we shouldn’t trust all that fucking liberal ass medicine like “fiber” and shit! Damn, if that shit can clog a garbage disposal, think what it can do to your colon.
What percentage of the “Gary” posts are from fake Gary(s)? 50%? 75%? 90%?
I am inclined to believe it is close to 90%
here’s the link for that TBoggs reference:
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2008/03/29/forgive-and-forget-mostly-the-forget-part/
What percentage of the “Gary” posts are from fake Gary(s)? 50%? 75%? 90%?
Grasshopper, the fact is you are aiming too low, statistically speaking.
What percentage of the “Gary” posts are from fake Gary(s)? 50%? 75%? 90%? I am inclined to believe it is close to 90%
BJS, did you used to wonder what percentage of your gifts came from Santa? some things are just not meant to be scrutinized.
Sounds low, BJS. I’m more curious just how many Garies there are. Also, is there a course, or some sort of certification process?
Wow, so if I put both Huffington Post AND Pajamas Media on my blogroll, that means I rule the world, right?
Me likey.
🙂
Sounds low, BJS. I’m more curious just how many Garies there are. Also, is there a course, or some sort of certification process?
The fact is, yes there is. The fact of the matter is, you need a license to be a Gary.
The fact is, I’m gonna fuck you up!
The fact is Gary is just a feeling, man, a way of life. It’s, like, you wake up in the morning and that Information Superhighway is callin’ to you. So you climb aboard your hog, and just ride, man, to troll Sadly, No!
The fact is, you will be assimilated.
The fact is, the Original Gary died back in ’63.
The fact is, the prison guard won’t let me visit any other websites. He thinks it’s funny.
I hate the prison guard.
Can I haz les garyz now? thnxbai.
You know, I thought I was doing hot stuff on my blog yesterday, as my traffic had DOUBLED compared to a normal day (i.e., not “yesterday”). Then, after I looked closer at the stats, I realized that the doubling of hits was caused by one guy in Plano, Texas, who apparently had one post opened and hit REFRESH 62 times in the space of two hours….
Do I have to swear now before I leave?
Well fuck yes.
I mean, shit, dude.
Don’t get me wrong. I love fake Gary(s), especially when people who should know better attempt to argue with them.
I am Lord Gary Ruppert = Gordy Arumrat Ripple
The fucked is, we are reaching the Gary singularity.
This is getting to be like the end of Spartacus…
…. Ruppert had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. ‘I am not Gary Ruppert’ he said. ‘My name is Ryan; I inherited the screenname from the previous Gary Ruppert, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Gary Ruppert either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Ruppert has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.
The fact is I am not Gary.
So, he’s like the Dread Pirate Ruppert?
All purported Garys are liars.
The fact is, my mentor taught me everything about the Ruppert, even the nature of the dark side.
some sort of certification process?
The Gary Academy™.
Now with fourteen campuses across the Heartland.
Unfuckingcocksuckbelievable.
The fact is, I am the original, but not the real, Gary Ruppert.
There are always two Ruppert Lords at any given time.
Listen bitch, you don’t even want to know what you’re dealing with. This is bigger than any shit you’ve ever seen. Just turn around, walk away, and nobodies face needs to get fucked up, ok?
Oh Jesus F. Christ, the fact is!
The fact is, Ann Althouse is getting no attention at all in this thread.
The fact is, d’oh!
Actually, I envision Ruppert as sort of like the Frankenstein character in those old Universal films. He kept getting killed, like burned up in a windmill or smashed when the damn burst…. But he kept coming back. And it was always someone else! Yes, it was Frankenstein, but it was also Karloff, or Glenn Strange, or even Bela!
Maybe Ruppert is Peter Boyle.
Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found youuuu!
If you’re a man, Gary, you’ll apologize to me.
I’m very shocked that Glenn Reynolds has already linked to Simon and has noted how Simon is wrong.
Oh, who am I kidding, InstaDoofus just used the “debate” to diss the NYT. Heh. Indeed. Now where’s me a non-alcoholic beer?
The fact is, Gary Ruppert is the most prolific commenter on the internet.
Ruppert is just a ghost story bloggers tell their kids. “You be good or Gary Ruppert will post at your blog and make you stupider,” they says.
The fact is; all of you are The Aristocrats !
The fact is, my mentor taught me everything about the Ruppert, even the nature of the dark side.
Remember, a Ruppert’s strength flows from the Farce. But beware. Logic, facts, rationality. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
The fact is where is our groovy April Fool’s Day prank by the stoned-out hippies who run this blog? They inflicted Cassy Fatso on us, they owe us.
The fact is, Jesus say knock you out.
Gary #5924, if you want April Fool’s Day posts, go over to FDL. I promise you, if you read theirs, you won’t want them any more.
[Lili von Schtupp has lured Gary back to her room]
Lili Von Shtupp: Is it true how zey say zat you people are… gifted?
[Lights go out, sound of zipper opening]
Lili Von Shtupp: Oh. It’s twue. It’s twue. It’s twue, it’s twue!
——————————————————————————–
[Lili Von Schtupp offers Gary a gigantic sausage]
Lili Von Shtupp: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Gary: No, thank you. The fact is, fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Lili Von Shtupp: Well how about a little…
[whispers in his ear]
Gary: [shocked] Baby. I’m not from Havana, I am from the Heartland!
“Mongo stay with Sheriff Bart”
But what about all the blogs HuffPo links to? Do they count in her/it’s “hits”?
I nominate ShoeLumpy as worst troll. Gary tries hard… hes #2 (Heh, I said #2)
The fact is the fact is the fact is the fact.
How many ShoeLumpies are there?
ittdgy: My spousal equivalent is contemplating drawing a big ‘X’ across his “buddy picture” of him and Ed Rendell. And sending it to Ed marked with “you’re dead to me.” or some such.
I think he should.
I’m always around.
I’d be careful about that, PeeJ. Ed has stepped over to the darkside. Eventually he will most likely be found dead in a public park, but for now if s/he crosses him it could be black helicoptors for you and your unit.
Governor Le Petomane, we’ve discussed this matter in great detail before. Gary is in no way, shape or form from teh Heartland.
Please cease this slander post haste.
Shorter Dipshit:
3.7 million people visit their site, but out 90 separate URLs get a few thousand people visiting 7 or 8 of them.
We should hook this guy up with spaghetti strap girl. They can breed the next generation of conservative geniuses.
In Colombia they have a saying, “you have to suck a black dick to get into heaven”. I don’t know why they would say that, or why we haven’t heard it in one of George Bush’s speeches.
But anywhoooooo, check!
Yeah, there is that. But dang. We oranized a fucking fundraiser for him during his first gubernatorial campaign! Never realized he was running for “goober.”
Is Bob Allen Columbian?
God bless Josh Marshall. On April Fool’s Day he produces a bloopers reel that has – and I refuse to verify this – absolutely nothing funny in it.
http://www.veracifier.com/episode/TPM_20080401
I must state, unequivocally, that there is NOTHING funny about April Fool’s Day and never has been. I find absolutely nothing humorous about a “holiday” in which roving gangs of fourth graders troll around the playground during recess, putting a dead spider they found down the back of your shirt collar, and yelling “Spider! Spider!” while you shriek and thrash about, frantically try to get the spider out of your shirt collar, and then they push you down and you have to run into the boys restroom to recover while they are all laughing at your and pointing, and the girls are all over in a huddle by the swings and point and you and whisper to each other, and then you find, to your everlasting humiliation, that you peed in your pants and you still feel the spider on your neck…
Sniff….
No, there is NOTHING funny about April Fool’s Day.
My best friend sent her older, lesbian sister a text message asking if she could borrow money, and then convinced her that it was because she was pregnant and she didn’t want anyone to know about it.
I thought that was a pretty good prank.
When did Joe Klein start posting here as “zeppo”?
Now HERE’s a matter of national sovereignty that Gary can get behind. Don’t let those foreigners take our American soil!
http://www.ely.org/
I am not Joe Klein and have never been Joe Klein, nor am I likely to be Joe Klein in the near future, and furthermore, I find that an insult to all zeppos of this world.
This one is pretty funny, but this just made me depressed.
Today would be the day to launch an invasion wouldn’t it?
There are always two Ruppert Lords at any given time.
So which one do we have here–the master or the student?
Holy strap-ons! Sadly,No! appears to have morphed overnight into the Deadwood Appreciation Society.
My brother and I had a long running practical joke war years ago. The coup de gras was when I broke into his locked bedroom, found a used pair of underwear on the floor with a really nice and substantial skid mark on it (popcorn kernel shells included), sealed it in an insulated manilla envelope with a sweet note inside, and mailed it to his girlfriend.
He called for a truce after that.
Today would be the day to launch an invasion wouldn’t it?
no.
Over at LGM, the resident troll made an intelligent and humane comment on the subject of prison conditions. It was a few hours early, but I assumed that it was an April Fool joke.
The fact is, if a fake Gary Ruppert posts more prolifically than the original Gary Ruppert, then they have in fact become the real Gary Ruppert. It’s a fact.
The fact is, bow-chicka-WOW-WOW.
Has Simon been contacted by the Clinton campaign yet? I figure that logic and math skill would be needed for her quest for the throne.
The fact is, ask yo mommanems how she be durrin!
The fact is, I long for the caress of your Cheeto-stained hands.
The fact by any other name would sound as true.
Fact is a fact is a fact is a fact
What do you have to do to get on the coveted Sadly, No! blogrolls and share the benefits of a gazillion readers?
The Huffington Post only gets 3.7 million hits a day?
I get that in an hour. A bad one.
The fact is that the reel Gary makes tons of typoes.
If you have to go through life being shoelimpy (both as an identification and as a condition) there are no GOOD hours…
mikey
The fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehThe fact isi tcaf ehT…
Ce n’est pas un fait
????? ?????? ??? ? ?????.
Of course, Mr. Simon does realize that house fires draw crowds, doesn’t ne?. And that everyone slows down to gawk at horrendous freeway accidents?
Not all attention is good. Sometimes people pause and look just so they can take a gander at something weird, not because they’re especially interested in you. This may be what’s happening to Mr. Simon and his “intellectual” fellow travelers.
Es ist eine Tatsache, daß ich ein Faschist bin.
Meanwhile, at Daily Howler, Somerby mocks Ryan Lizza for sucking up to McCain … then immediately turns around and bashes Eugene Robinson with a ball-peen hammer for daring to spank McCain. Apparently, hating on an Obama supporter is more urgent and important than stopping the Republican.
My head hurts, no ball-peen hammer necessary.
The fact is, Eugene Robinson is a faggot.
The fact is, the liberals are insulting Saint John Sidney McSame, a true american pigidiot.
And we hear in the heartland won’t fart still for it!
April Fools’ Day can kiss my ass.
I had an accident this morning, bright and early on my way to work. Nothing funny about it.
I had an accident this morning, bright and early on my way to work. Nothing funny about it.
You had another diaper handy right?
Bubba, I’m pretty sure Jennifer’s not an astronaut…
mikey
The next culinary comment from Mikey, I’m going to call him a gastronaut.
My fondness for beer entitles me to the label “juggernaut”.
Who the fuck do you think I am, Bubba?
John Fucking McCain?
Smut Clyde said,
the label “juggernaut”.
Sorry, already taken by Cassy.
The fact is, I spank you.
The fact is, I spank you.
The fact is, Gary, you try that you’ll be drawing back a bloody stump.
Shitty shitty car bang, Jennifer?
That sux. At least it sounds like you didn’t get hurt.
Shitty shitty car bang, Jennifer?
That sux. At least it sounds like you didn’t get hurt.
Without first reading Jennifer’s comment about that, it looked like you were talking about bad sex in a car.
Ruppert is just a ghost story bloggers tell their kids. “You be good or Gary Ruppert will post at your blog and make you stupider,” they says.
Well, the notorious GR brand of Teh Stupid is certainly contagious, but I don’t think it requires a tinfoil helmet to believe that some double-digit percentage of the American voting public is moronic enough to get its jollies hanging around spewing hate & illogic in a forum where it’ll only get them abused. After all, these are, until the voting machine technology is wrested out of Diebold’s control, GWBush supporters.
Bad secks in a car? How is this possible?
Anywho, watertiger rocks.
Bad secks in a car? How is this possible?
No back seat, gearshift troubles.
While Roger Simon is Gary Ruppert, it’s really sad that 3.7 million unique visitors a month are duped into visiting a wackjob hotbed of people who want your children to die of measles.
Speaking of bad secks…
OT, but for sheer concentrated inanity, have a look at the Comments on the WashPo dissection of Obama’s title at the U of Chicago law school. An entire article on the vital distinction between Professor (which he was not) and professor (which he was) is ludicrous enough but some people went ballistic about it. Actually I might add the “s” and call it insanity; it’s one or the other if not both.
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2008/04/professor_obama.html#comments
Care to support that with anything?
Criminy. Who put the meth in Gary’s cheetos?
The fact is, D-IIIIiiiieee grow veary of this vorld! When shall ve return to Transylvania, HUH!?!
Will liars ever cease?
My fucking donkey just died after almost 14 coscksucking hours – he was the love of my buttfucking odious life.
Oddly enough, Rathergood.com have a song on this very topic.
By this logic, I and Wayne Gretsky combined have over 900 career goals in the NHL.