While surveying the wreckage of the American economy, the Iraq war and just about everything else that’s happened under Bush’s watch over the past seven-plus years today, I remembered something remarkable:

The Republicans actually impeached Bill Clinton for lying about a hummer.

How in God’s name are we going to explain this shit to our children?


Comments: 84


If we told them, we’d have to kill them.


How do you say hummer in Chinese?


That presumes we’ll have children to tell.


There’s a decent chance we’ll all be dead, so we won’t have to explain anything.

If we do survive, the kids will be too busy with their Playstation 7 and HyperMySpace to worry about history.


I’m sure our fine, Christian, Republican children will rarely deign to visit us in the re-education camps, so it won’t really be a problem.


Didn’t you get the memo? All this stuff is Clinton’s fault.


The Dow is higher now than it was when Bush took office. In fact, today turned out pretty well too.


Gary- having the Dow be somewhat higher after eight years is not an accomplishment. You might as well say, “More people are alive today than they were eight years ago… Bush rules!”


Bizaro World , , , ?


Around here, part of living through the Bush Terror Years has been when me & the Spousal Unit turn to each other and say in unison, “Aren’t you glad we chose not to have kids?”

The rate at which this occurs has been increasing steadily — now it’s starting to look like the notorious hockey-stick curve.


Goddam it!

We didn’t impeach the fucker.

Why is up to us to explain it?

I can’t explain it.

Except to say “those republicans were some truly defective individuals”…



I think it’s just a matter of scale. No one can really come to terms with the scope of how much fuck-up Bush has created. It’s like trying to deal with the size of the universe, whereas Clinton’s hummer is more on a scale of Central Park.


The dollar is now worth just north of 96 yen. Do you really think today turned out ok?

If traders don’t get their full 100 basis point rate reduction tomorrow, or at least 75 points, Wall Street will be a bloodbath.

Gold, guns, canned food, bomb shelter.


I plan on using the time tested ‘Ask your mother.’


I just saw this caption on

Are these guys making the right moves?

when it comes to teh U.S. economy, the most consequential decision-makers are unelected officials.

Who knew the editors at MSNBC were such big S,N! fans??

slippy hussein toad

Forget impeaching — who is going to tell them that they owe 300% of their incomes to the government?


OT: You World of Warcraft players better watch your asses
Having eliminated all terrorism in the real world, the U.S. intelligence community is working to develop software that will detect violent extremists infiltrating World of Warcraft and other massive multiplayer games, according to a data-mining report from the Director of National Intelligence.
Can you imagine what can be done with Kindgom of Loathing?


I’ll go with mikey’s response. I certainly did not impeach the Clenis.

However, historians will indeed look back at the Republican Party of the last 20 years and they will marvel that such a entity could not just survive but flourish. Then the sociologists will point out that large percentages of Americans believed in UFOs and did not believe in evolution–and the historians will begin the search for what could possibly cause mental retardation on a national scale.


Did you guys ever stop and think about this?

I mean, sure, maybe it’s just another adventure in capitalism.

But maybe, just maybe, we’re witnessing the sea change in economics, the the moment when the game turned it’s toes up and went away.

We’re sitting here, commenting and thinking and drinking and making dinner. And maybe the whole world is shifting under our feet.

Kinda cool, when you think about it.

Oh, we’re still fucked, but to have a window seat kinda kicks ass…



That’s OK!, I like Chinese food. But them chopsticks are going to take some practice.


I almost hate to say it, but I’m kinda with Mikey on this. Since I have no kids, I don’t have to worry about such things, so my attitude is “Bring on the interesting times”.

Chlamydia Champaigne

Gary, shut the fuck up.


With our gov’t buying the failed banks and brokers, etc. we seem to be turning socialist, like it or not. I’d like to hear DooBoy’s comments (not).

I still like my description of conservatives: A “Blubber of Conservatives”


… because it works on so many levels.


Clin-Toe will the priapic fertility god worshipped by the survivors in the wasteland. In the new age, it will be said that any newly pregnant woman was visited in the Dreamtime by Clin-Toe, who lured her to his oval cave and while biting his lower lip, breathed life into her womb. If a young woman can’t get pregnant, the shaman will speak of Ke-Str, the trickster god who immobilizes Clin-toe with his magic suit.


Don’t forget Clin-Toe’s enemy De-Lay and Has-turt, not to mention the daemon Lieb-min!

Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman

It seems ludricrous to current college graduates, and in fifteen years the proposition that impeachment is the correct result for a handful (heh) of extracurricular “acts of humanitarianism”. The ‘publican ‘arty is already a laughingstock because of the abstinence programs, billions notwithstanding.

Rugged in Montana

Ahem. Excuse me? Let me explain something. The President of the USA of America GAVE HIS ESSENCE TO THAT WOMAN!! I think that’s a little more important than whatever little, minor things the President of the real heartland, President George W. Bush, American Patriot and jet pilot hero of the Iraq War zone has done!!

"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"

Here’s how one American dad will be explaining the Junior Bush years:

Shorter A.P.: “Cheney used words like ‘phenomenal’ and ‘remarkable’ to describe the current situation in Iraq, after spending the day zigzagging through barricades and checkpoints to get to meetings in and out of the heavily guarded Green Zone. ‘It’s good to be back in Iraq,’ Cheney, dressed in a suit and dark cowboy boots, said,” before spending the night at a location the identity of which reporters were not allowed to disclose for security reasons.

He’s sure to be greeted as a liberator one of these days imonths years decades.


“So the wife and I stopped watching Law & Order at least a year ago. The new episodes became so idiotically political and, I would argue, deeply anti-American in the most fundamental sense.”

Real quote of Goldberg, via Instapundit.




Fozzetti: Don’t forget Clin-Toe’s enemy De-Lay and Has-turt, not to mention the daemon Lieb-min!

Daemon? Oh please. A minor imp at the most.

And the comedy troll Rugged obviously switched his head and his penis when he put himself together this morning. He should adjust.


round here, part of living through the Bush Terror Years has been when me & the Spousal Unit turn to each other and say in unison, “Aren’t you glad we chose not to have kids?”

Even outside of God’s chosen country, and from a couple that were not blessed with US Citizenship, we also seem to be saying this more and more often….


There’s about 15 seconds of The Daily Show that explains everything. It ran in 2003, and Jon Stewart said, “In two years, we’ve gone from a president who could lobby a congressman about foreign policy while getting a blowjob under his desk—to a guy who can’t watch television and eat pretzels without hurting himself.”

That’s it. That’s the epitaph of the American Experiment.

Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman

We can say that the democratic leadership dynasty was usurped by the Paranoianodron, a secret society of Yale-educated homo-religio ostensibly-male albino-Pequods.


Well, I have kids and I’m in a big city. I’m totally screwed.

I don’t want a window seat to history. I don’t even want to be in the damn plane/bus/car. But here we are, and according to what I’ve read we are possibly in for a very bad time. The warnings have gone from possible recession to possible systemic failure.

Ah, well. If Bush and Paulson and Bernanke say everything’s okay, I’m sure the economy will be fine–or no worse than the government’s handling of Iraq or Katrina.

Davis X. Machina

The new episodes became so idiotically political and, I would argue, deeply anti-American in the most fundamental sense.”

It was probably all that ‘fair trial’ and ‘due process’ shit.

He’ll be back as soon as Dick Wolf rolls out “Law and Order: Military Commissions”.


easy don’t have children.
I mean the cardboard box we’ll all be living in soon doesn’t have that much room.

Arky "I just get these headaches" The Blasphemer

If we told them, we’d have to kill them.

I believe that should be “If we told them, they’d have to kill us.

Seriously, all you parental units have my sympathy. But if the lil’ tykes give you any shit you can always threaten to send them to the local Youth 4 King Christ Dubya re-education camp.


slippy hussein toad said,

March 18, 2008 at 2:55

Forget impeaching — who is going to tell them that they owe 300% of their incomes to the Chinese government?



Nahhh — you don’t have to worry about cardboard boxes; just move into an abandoned house. Out here there are way too many for anyone to keep track of. When the bubble burst here (Inland Empire, Ca.), it burst BIG TIME!

Personally, I am all for letting the homeless take over the foreclosed and shuttered properties. All I ask is that they mow the lawn and keep the noise down (damn kids… and that music…. IT’S JUST NOISE!!).

Jennifer, home with the flu

Uh, who’s this “Clin-Toe”?

There’s only one all-American post-economic-apocalypse fertility god in the dusty alleyways of the future Chimpytowns from coast to coast…teh Clenis™.

It is he who was prophesied in Psalm 23: “Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”


Everything is going according to plan.

You don’t think anyone would choose George Bush to be the front man without considering his penchant for fucking up everything he’s ever touched do you?

All is right with the world.

Jennifer, home with the flu

Susan of Texas – I don’t want to alarm you, but I don’t see a way out of this other than systemic failure. I’ve been thinking that for 3 or 4 years now…and during that time it has only grown more likely.


White male victim Bernard Goldberg or white male victim Jonah Goldberg?



I think we’ll be more worried about keeping the radioactive bears out of our caves.

(Tip of the hat to Sylvia)


Years ago — mid-80s maybe, not too long after we got cable in Connecticut — I remember a commercial on TV for (I think) The New Republic.

Let’s face it. Americans are a great people: we are by and large generous, compassionate, and concerned about others and we are blessed with a rich, safe country. We have it in our hands to fix most of the problems of our world. But, as individuals and as a nation, the Europeans are right: we tend to be a bit naive.

It was talking about how the magazine answers important questions, like “How do we explain Vietnam to our children?” (They meant the idea that America lost, not explaining how the whole fuckup started.)

I moved to DC in 1997. The 90s were a heady time, of course; you could smell it in the air. The economy was great, a sax-playing Baby Boomer was in the White House, and after literally 50 years of near-constant shared unspoken panic that a totalitarian enemy superpower might break through our lines and put us to the sword, we could relax. We could put our guard down and have a beer.

So maybe we went a little nuts and drank the whole case, and woke up to find we’d slept with the crazy skank.

In the 1990s, it was just possible to believe that the end of history really was here and it was all just mopping up. Somehow, it could seem — if you were given news skewed just the right way — that the biggest single problem in the world was that the president was a little bit less than superhuman. Maybe it was a kind of atonement; we rightly hated Nixon for the contempt he showed us but we equally rightly hated the cynicism the politics that followed demanded of us. Carter taught us we couldn’t let our guard down and be idealistic. We swallowed Reagan and hoped we were investing toward a future where we might once again demand our leaders be as perfect as we imagined Washington and Jefferson and Lincoln to be. In the 1990s we thought that time was here.

We were still naive. We couldn’t believe that Gingrich, even when he was talking about executing marijuana traffickers or putting welfare babies in government orphanages, was really that bad (look up his appearance on Murphy Brown; gives me a shudder just to think of it.) We trusted a bunch of manipulative shitstains.

We’re still naive now. We’re going to keep being naive.

Maybe a consequence of being idealistic is that you never get to actually be idealistic.


I remember when 300% could describe a rise in the Dow. Last I looked, damn thing looks like an upside down hockey stick.


The same people who impeached Clinton are the same ones who high-fived each other when JFK, RFK and MLK were shot. There has always been a powerful evil minority in this country capable of unspeakable evil. It’s up to each of us to fight them constantly. Eternal vigilance and all that.


I repeat words when I’m tired words repeat. Sorry.


I hope to one day hear these words in earnest: “Daddy, what’s a Republican?”

Jennifer, home with the flu

I think we’ll be more worried about keeping the radioactive bears out of our caves.

Heh. There was a thread over at Pharyngula last night with a clip of George Carlin’s latest HBO special – in which he talks about religion being hokum, goes into rights and how people claim they came from god and so on…my comment was that I had always been told I had a god-given right to bear arms…but I was born with human arms. And for going on 40 years, I’ve been trying to find out where I go to get those bear arms promised to me by god, and that it was pretty weak-ass on his part not to set up an office or something for handing them out, given that he promised them to every American. Then someone linked to a T-shirt with a picture of man with bear arms and the caption “The Second Amendment”. I offered that I would like to have one of those, only I would change the caption to read, “I was told I had a god-given right to bear arms, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”

Maybe you had to be there.


I agree, OTB.

The same shitstains who took us to the cleaners under Reagan and Bush I did it again, on an even bigger scale, under Bush II.

And of course, you have Cheney and Rumsfeld, Nixon era criminals.

But Nixon never dreamed of having the media control that exists now under Murdoch, Mellon-Scaife, GE, and friends.

What’s mowing down some hippies at Kent State compared to being able to brainwash half the population into giving you their paychecks, their kids, hell everything they’ve got…and having them thank you for it?


Susan of Texas said,

Well, I have kids and I’m in a big city. I’m totally screwed.

Me too. God, how I hate these worthless greedhead bigots.


The fact is there’s no way like the American Way.


How right you are

It’s American as apple pie.


Up until mid-March 2003, the DOW was higher in Euros than in dollars. Now the Dow is only about 8000, expressed in Euros.

Wait. Mid-March 2003? Why does that sound so familiar?


Remember, Bush thinks history will vindicate him because he intends to burn every documentary record of his time in office that points out he was the worst president ever.

There are moments when people step back — Scott Horton did with Gonzales — and you realise how the historical narrative will read. It’s pretty fucking atrocious.


…Wait. Mid-March 2003? Why does that sound so familiar?…

Falling forward works for them. I’m sure they’ll try to tie another one on one way or the other.

I’d like to report this to the proper authorites:

I’ve only watched a few hearings and I missed the C-Span bus. Has anyone seen that thing on the road? It’s put to somewhat different use but the campaign tank in Distraction is no more sophisticated.


Oh, wow, the inside of the C-Span bus is where they weed in the alien human hybrids:

The children will figure it out, eventually.


Fortunately all explanations of our demise will be handled by my children’s Chinese teachers. While they all prattle on in Mandarin I will be working shifts in Shoe Production #4, making knock-off Nikes.


Remember in “The World According to Garp” when the plane crashed into the house and he says, “We have to buy it now! It’s disaster-proofed!”

That was kind of the operating philosophy of the Bush presidency in a nutshell vis a vis the Impeachment thing. Not that by then your kids will know what a “house” or an “airplane” is.


I work with a bunch of Republicans. And you know what really gets me about them? The thing that really, really makes it such a tragedy that these people have been trained to believe in such transparent, silly delusional b.s.? And trained to go to the ground over all which is trivial or just plain wrong?

They are really small-minded, small-hearted little cowards. That is what it has done to them. You can’t count on them for anything … unless it’s easy.

Yeah, they can be nice. When it’s easy to be nice. And they mistake that for kindness.

Sad, sad, sad. And pathetic.


I don’t much want the window seat to history either. I’ve got no survival skills for a post-economy world. I’ll be dead in a gutter about 90 seconds after everything goes to hell, and I really, really don’t wanna be dead in a gutter.


Great. Zombies.


Explain this shit to our children? Not to spread the rainbows and ponies too thick, but has anybody taken a good look at “the children”? Explaining that fire is hot is going to be tough enough. Expecting them to understand anything more than the fact that the entitlement they have grown up believing in, that anything they desire is simply owed to them, is a lie is likely asking way too much.

And this is who is going to pay in to my Social Security fund? Hell, the Republicans didn’t need to privatize it to destroy it. One solid generation of ignorant, overly entitled and ill prepared youth ought to do the trick just fine.

But I’m not bitter, or anything.


Well, they should have impeached Bill over his Hummers. Damn things are gas guzzlers, they hog the road, they hog parking spots, they endanger smaller cars on the road. The fact that Clinton enjoyed having MULTIPLE Hummers only…


It doesn’t?

It means WHAT?


Never mind…


Yeah, justme, the best way to assuage our guilt about the world we’re leaving to the young uns is to start preemptively bashing them as being unworthy little shits. We can’t say any of the mess is their fault but fuck them in the ear anyhow. Fuck ’em in the other ear too. They deserve this shit. Little brats with their video games, baggy jeans and their hip hop “music”. Go ahead you little fuckers, never mind all the broken glass and the hypodermic needles, play on our burnt out, weed infested lawn. See if we care.


Ruggeggegged is starting to sound like The General.


It looks like we’re not the only ones worried. Bill Frist wants to wall out the incoming zombies.

Bush’s Crawford Casa de Booze is completly self-sustaining and I think we can assume the security is good.


I don’t much want the window seat to history either. I’ve got no survival skills for a post-economy world. I’ll be dead in a gutter about 90 seconds after everything goes to hell, and I really, really don’t wanna be dead in a gutter.

I know how to make booze.

I think that’s probably my only valuable skill in the post-economy world.



Quite the contrary. You’re seriously misreading me. I hardly say that we can assuage our guilt, rather that the fact that we’ve done such an incredibly poor job of preparing the next generations adds to it exponentially. Nothing says “fuck you in the ear” like burning down your house, robbing your bank, blowing up your hospital and giving you zero in the way of tools and knowledge to fix it.

So, yes, they are unworthy little shits, for the most part. I suppose, though, that as much can always be said for the incoming generation, and that it’s largely what they make of the mess handed them that defines them. That said, I don’t think one can make much of an argument for a rising curve, beginning perhaps before my own lot.

I’d say more, but i have to bolt.

Oh, and get off my lawn, you whippersnapper.


justme, you don’t know my kids or their friends.

They are bright, hardworking (they have a much better work ethic than I did when I was their age) and sincere. I also work with plenty of kids fresh from college. There’s nothing wrong with any of ’em.

YMMV but I can tell you you’re way off base with the kids I know.

I dread the idea that my kids won’t have the opportunities I did growing up but I guarantee you they’ll make best use of the tools they have. I fucking hate it that we’re handing them a bag of shit with a bow on it for their heritage but I also believe they’re more prepared to make the necessary sacrifices to survive it.

Not that they’ll have a choice.


Galactic Dustbin said,

March 18, 2008 at 2:29

How do you say hummer in Chinese?


Pronounced “kou3 jiao1”. You’re welcome.


Ah hell, the Chinese characters came through as question marks.


Ah hell, the Chinese characters came through as question marks.

Sure they did, IITCB. [Pat pat] Suuuuure they did. 😛


saneInTheCheneyBrain said,

March 18, 2008 at 17:56

Galactic Dustbin said,

March 18, 2008 at 2:29

How do you say hummer in Chinese?


Pronounced “kou3 jiao1?. You’re welcome.

Is that “Hummer,” or is that “hummer?” I’d hate to ask for the wrong thing at a car dealership!


It’s not a car… it translates literally to “mouth intercourse” or “mouth sex”. Chinese is a fun language!


After we explain to the children about Senator Vitter, we tell them that George Bush used the Bill of Rights as a diaper?


Seems to me that if we live our children copies of Resident Evil and Night of the Living Dead they should be able to handle the zombie menace just fine.


I’d probably have to say something like, “Well, kids, you can lay it all at the feet of people like that fat bastard next door with the fading “W’04” sticker on the back of his SUV-conversion mule cart. Tell you what… grab your crossbows and help Dad take him down, and we’ll eat long pork for a week!”


and we’ll eat long pork for a week!

Our wingnut neighbors–the other white meat.


How in God’s name are we going to explain this shit to our children?
Ask your cloning vat.


Do you really want to eat all the accumulated toxins from the diet of Taco Bell beef burritos these wingnuts eat? You can keep your wingnut long pork, I’d rather rip the flesh off a vegetarian.


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