Kerry and Justin, we love you both very, very much!
Regular readers (Frederick and Pete) of Sadly, No! know how much we admire the work of the Batman & Robin of the hottest conservative writers on the web: Kerry L. Marsala and Justin Darr. So when both our heroes publish columns on consecutive days, we take it as a sure sign that we must bring their work to your attention. Let’s start with Kerry’s The Full Exposure of the WMD’s:
Intelligence gathers have been slowly building their case against these “Women of Mass Destruction” it has taken awhile, but they wanted to make sure all angles of possible escape from what they represent were fully established. The ultimate missile that finalized the case for these “WMD’s” was Theresa Heinz Kerry. Her quick temper and the inability to keep her mouth shut– has her spiteful lips exposing her mass destructive behaviors rapidly. Statements such as, “Shove it,” launched at a reporter and “Four more years of hell,” blasted like poison gas at Bush supporters who showed up at a Kerry rally, reveals she’s running for a socialistic partnership with her husband.
Is it a right-wing requirement to work the word “socialistic” into any column, regardless of whether or not it makes any sense? Wait, don’t answer that.
Candidates if your spouse isn’t the one running for office– strap their mouths shut and quit letting your “loose cannons” fire at will.
Someone better tell the Bush campaign:
Mrs. Bush is hitting the road these days, already putting in long hours on the campaign trail.
The Bush campaign sees the first lady as a major asset, and officials say they plan to use her to woo independent voters in key swing states ? like Arkansas, the first stop on her latest trip.
Moving along. Kerry tells us:
The “Women of Mass Destruction” are here espousing, lobbying, and dropping their ideals of destroying America and her freedoms, these women are dangerous and desire a socialistic America. The “WMD’s” we know are amongst us, they’ve been found– time is quickly ticking by– how will we dismantle the war heads and cut their red wires, before the detention and annihilation of our Republic occurs? [Emphasis added]
WCAATT!*
* We Can’t Add Anything To That, ? The Dark Window.
As for Justin, his latest column is rather lame but we must give him extra points for working in the Nazi angle:
The Nazi tactics used by the Kerry Campaign to trample the rights of the Swift Boat Vets; from pandering to left leaning book store managers to either not order the Swift Boat Vets? book, “Unfit for Command”, or display it in a low traffic area, to trying to harass Regnery Publishing to discontinue printing the book, to threatening lawsuits to any media outlet that runs their ads, goes below the nadir of even the worse political mudslinging. This is America for God’s sake, not 1938 Berlin!
Besides that though, we have to say we’re very disappointed. At this rate, our very own Yosef may soon become the hottest young conservative writer on the web.
And how is it, really, that when Clark writes a book, he’s just trying to raise a controversy in order to sell more, but no one has raised this issue about the swifties?
Are they donating all the profits to charity?
Justin has it just right, setting out the absolute most dispicable of the tactics used by Hitler:
placing books for “display it in a low traffic area,…”
The Nazi tactics
Wow! Some actual praise from S,N!? (I know, it’s not really praise, but compared to what they’ve said before, I’m taking it that way.)
Of course if I had written a column like them, I would have used not only both “socialistic” and “nazi” but also “fascist.”
i’m thinking of re-naming my blog “godwin is dead”.
Yosef, Schmosef.
He only wishes he was as hot, as young, and as conservative as me.
That sounds like a challenge, Kirosawa kid.
Some people say that ran is a communist who wants Kerry and Edwards to use more of their Nazi tactics to ensure their plan for a more socialistic government will succeed. We can’t let fascists like this overpower the true hot young conservative writers on the web.
Speaking of wingnuts, I will be attending the Expos game tonight (my last ever?) I will try to get an autograph from Brent Bozell.
Speaking of wingnuts, I will be attending the Expos game tonight (my last ever?) I will try to get an autograph from Brent Bozell.
Sorry for the double post! Damn Chapters internet cafe. Although a joke about Dr. YoupiZaius can never be made too often.
The Nazi tactics used by the Kerry Campaign to trample the rights of the Swift Boat Vets; from pandering to left leaning book store managers to either not order the Swift Boat Vets? book, “Unfit for Command”, or display it in a low traffic area, to trying to harass Regnery Publishing to discontinue printing the book, to threatening lawsuits to any media outlet that runs their ads, goes below the nadir of even the worse political mudslinging.
One wonders what he thought of the various wingnut groups campaign to ban Michael Moore’s film from movie theaters. To borrow a line: wait, don’t answer that.
As long as we’re playing with WMD initialism, we should nominate Kerry L. Marsala an honorary WMD: “Writer of Mass Destruction,” since her lack of clarity, her exploitation of innocent punctuation and her violation of metaphor represent an act of war on both the English language and the art of communication.
Yosef; you left out several key points:
– ran’s running scared.
– ran’s Crrraaazzzzyyyyy!!!
– ran used the word “was” in exactly the same way Dukakis did, and Dukakis let murderers run free!
– ran is weak on homeland security.
– Reagan said ran was French.
– ran’s a flip flopper. Just last week you heard an unsubstantiated rumor that he said you were hot, now he denies it.
(BTW, if ran turns out to be female, I was misquoted and taken out of context when I called her “he”.)
Yosef : As the HYCOTI, you would naturally just combine Kerry and Justin’s columns, add an “Antichrist”, and publish it under your own name. Knowing that your responsibilities to your challengers leave you no time to do this yourself, I have taken the liberty on your behalf :
“Intelligence gatherer’s have been slowly building all angle’s of escape from her spiteful lip’s, “Shove four more years of poison gas for socialistic America! Strap on the red wire’s!”
These Nazi tactic’s trample the right’s of low traffic lawsuit’s below the Nadar of the mudslinging Antichrist. Oh and Clenis.”
Good job, Alison! Thanks for the help. Do you want to be my intern. That’s all I’ve been missing as the hottest young conservative writer on the internet. I know, I know, “why should you be my intern when you’re obviously smarter than me?” Well, that how us HYCOTIs (I like that by the way) do things. We employ people smarter than us and then we take all the credit.
Yosef : Honoured, I’m sure, and I do already own the obligatory blue dress but I don’t think I would pass your reputedly very stringent height requirements – unfortunately I’m very tall.
I don’t think we have to worry about these folk anymore. Obviously some worm has invaded the language areas of their brain and soon they will not make sense even to one another. Then we will drop nets over them and confine them to nice soft rooms in South Carolina somewhere and get on with running our country.
Yay.
Ok, so maybe I’m not so conservative. You guys got me there.
I’m still young relative to certain geological formations and as far as hot goes, I do sweat frequently.
And Justin may be the last person in America STILL using the “NOT!” on the end of the paragraph joke as if it is still funny….