Shorter Gateway Pundit:

Saddam is still in control of Iraq. Caddy smells like trees.

Shorter Gateway Pundit: “Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts.”

Dishonest or stupid?

Take your pick. Maybe both?

Shorter Gateway Pundit: There is no difference between past- and present-tense. Al’Quada is in Iraq, therefore Al’Quada has always been in Iraq. Continue with the war against Eurasia Eastasia!

Gateway pundit to the TIMECUBE!

EARTH HAS 4 CORNER
SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY
TIME CUBE
WITHIN SINGLE ROTATION.
4 CORNER DAYS PROVES 1
DAY 1 GOD IS TAUGHT EVIL.

I think it was H.L. Mencken who said, “You cannot make a man understand something when his supply of Cheetos and Mountain Dew depend on his not understanding it.”

I believe it was G.L. Costanza who said “Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. This is central to my point.

With piss poor reading comprehension, and the often grammatical mistakes and tortured sentences of most rightwinged pundits, you’d think that English is their second language.

I dunno… maybe making English the official language of the US and deporting people who can not understand it might not be a bad idea, because those like Gateway Pundit would be out on their ass in no time.

The only difficult part of warmongering is assuaging your guilt.

It takes a special kind of idiot to thoroughly miss Cole’s point.

A short bus riding, hard helmet wearing kind of idiot.

Word. A test with a history part, a reading comprehension part, and a simple English composition part might not be a terrible idea. Of course if wingnuts design and administer this test, we’re all fucked.

How depressing, yet thoroughly unsurprising.

After all, Sadly often has visitors who display this level of intelligence and reasoning.

Stupidly dishonest is my vote.

Unfortunately, Balloon Juice crashes like a cheap umbrella at heavy traffic, moderate traffic, light traffic, occasional winds, or rain in Seattle.

Its not raining today!

Much…

Meanwhile,

Bow chicka-wow wow!

Dude. I was about to go to lunch, and you just made me lose my appetite.

Spanx, Duros.

Who knew Novak was into transvestites?

It never rains much. It just never stops is the thing.

I hope it stops in late July.

I have to re-roof my house.

Well, rain is better than the hundred-year drought we’re having, with local governments handing out building permits like popcorn…but I digress. Spent a week in Portland in August…heaven on Earth! Spent a week in Portland in February…suicidal depression…oh, I guess I’m digressing again.

Gateway Pundit really, really stupid. Someone should thwack him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Coulter and Novak is teh hot.

-Instapoundit

I wonder what it would take to get through to him?

I imagine it would look like this.

I know this is OT but I want to make an appeal/suggestion.
As a service to your loyal readers, it would be ever so helpful if the crack team of smart-asses at S/N! would provide instant comebacks to annoying and idiotic spam forwardings that we could cut and paste and use as just and pithy counterstrikes of snarkitude. I received this today:

School 1960 – vs – School 2008

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1960 – Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.

2008 – School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2008 – Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 – Jeffrey is sent to the principal’s office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2008 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2008 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.

1960 – Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.

2008 – Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English.

1960 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2008 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. US Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 – Ants die.

2008 – Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

—————————————————————————————————-

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 – Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2008 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

If I had the right snarky reply, I could point out how stupid this forwarded email was to every person in the chain.

I will gladly donate $50 to the coffers of S/N! today in appreciation for this service.

-John H.

Coulter and Novak is teh hot.

I’m feeling a new Sadly, No! feature: “Separated At Parthenogenesis”

Gavin, I’d just like to say, thanks for continually updating this post. It’s been kind of fun to see each version as you struggle to fully understand the nadir of stupidity that is Gateway pundit, and express its meaning.

In other news: apparently there’s only about 22% of us that read ANY of this shit on the blogtubes. Group hug…..

I think I’m done updating now, although I may never have another complex thought as long as I live…

I haven’t had Tang for years, so case closed.

As far as tang goes, I don’t mean to lampoon, no wait if YOU say lamb and then… dammit there was a joke here, I swear, a bad joke. See, I told you I need help.

You know, I’m pretty sure if this level of st00pid goes untreated, it will cause cancer.

Fixed:

The mainstream media seems to be purposely ignoring the bulk of the findings by renowned researchers throughout the globe Exxon-paid pseudo-scientific propagandists that the current global warming fear attributed solely to carbon dioxide rise is utterly unfounded.

Whahhappened to my “strikethrough”?

Anyway, here’s take two:

Fixed:

The mainstream media seems to be purposely ignoring the bulk of the findings by [Exxon-paid pseudo-scientific propagandists] that the current global warming fear attributed solely to carbon dioxide rise is utterly unfounded.

“School 1960 – vs – School 2008”

Ah yes, fabulous 1960, when men were men and minorities were nervous.

In fairness the McClatchy article does say this:

As recently as last July, Bush tried to tie al Qaida to the ongoing violence in Iraq. “The same people that attacked us on September the 11th is a crowd that is now bombing people, killing innocent men, women and children, many of whom are Muslims,” he said.

So that paragraph is a bit misleading if you concede that AQ is in Iraq right now. Gateway Pundit is wrong about the overall meaning of the article, but that paragraph, particularly the use of the word “tried” isn’t entirely kosher.

Who’s this fucking clown and should we care?

“The same people that attacked us on September the 11th is a crowd that is now bombing people, killing innocent men, women and children, many of whom are Muslims,” he said.

Apparently, Bush didn’t get the news that the people who attacked us on Sept. 11th are mostly… mmm… dead!

I don’t know Ripley, should “we?”

Do you?

From Huffington:

A Match Made In Heaven: Ann Coulter Attends D.C. Event As Bob Novak’s Date

Heaven isnt the first address I would blame for this union…

Re: Pirelli’s Purse

You can snark it if you want but I think it’s better to compare these things in a different light…

2008: Political columnist Kathleen Parker gains national attention for saying that democrats should be “lined up against a wall and shot”.
1960’s: Prominent democrats JFK, Bobby Kennedy, and Martin Luther King are shot & killed.

2008: Black people & white people can enjoy hot dogs together at a Hoosier’s game.
1960’s: Black people get fire hosed and have dogs attack them for trying to sit at a white person’s lunch counter.

1960: Mr. Jamison grabs his secretary’s ass when she bends over. She slaps him, and she gets fired for being a pushy broad.
2008: Mr. Jamison grabs his secretary’s ass when she bends over. She slaps him, and he gets fired for being a groping jerk.

2008: Barak Obama gives speeches so moving women sometimes faint in hot, crowded theaters.
1955: Emmit Till whistles at a white woman on the street and is murdered for it.

As for snark…

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

Unless Mark is black, arabic, latino, or asian, in which case they don’t even go to the same school.
Or, if they do, if Mark is black, arabic, latino, asian, italian, irish,
Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, he gets beat up because he had it coming for being “uppity”.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 – Jeffrey is sent to the principal’s office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

I don’t know what planet these folks live on, but if your ass getts a good paddling, sitting still is just plain not happening. Standing still, maybe…

2008 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability.

Count the strawmen:
*Schools can’t perscribe Ritalin.
*Schools can’t administer perscription drugs without parental consent.
*Ritalin does not make people zombies. tetrodotoxin makes people into zombies.
*Schools cannot produce a legal diagnosis of ADD; psychiatrists can.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2008 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

You seriously need help snarking this?
Belt whipping = “grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman”? I believe the greater population of Appalachia would disagree with that equation.
Foster care = joining a gang?
State psychologist = false memory syndrome?
Dad goes to prison = mom has an affair with psycholigst?
What next? Billy registers as Democrat, sun explodes? Makes as much sense as the rest…

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.

1960 – Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.

2008 – Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

If you had a headache, why would you carry asprin with you, instead of, you know, taking it right then & there?
In the 1960’s, school staff was never at the smoking dock… they had the Teacher’s Lounge.
And if Mark is at the smoking dock with the prinicpal, I assume that he’s 18 years old. (otherwise, Mark gets ticketed by the police for underage smoking!) If he’s 18 years old, he’s no longer a minor, so he can administer his own over-the-counter medication.

Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English.

1960 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2008 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. US Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

1953: Pedro can’t go to summer school, because his school district doesn’t offer summer classes; he failed English because his school didn’t have enough textbooks. Too bad Pedro can’t attend the white kid’s school across town, but hey, Brown vs. Board of Education hasn’t happeend yet. And when it did, it required the National Guard to enforce it.
Oh, and should we talk about how many scholarship funds there are for Pedro, or maybe discuss how college admissions worked in the 60’s for a kid who had to take summer school?

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1960 – Ants die.
2008 – Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

1960: Jane leaves a bag containing nail polish and hair detergent at the airport terminal when she empties out her car’s trunk to fit luggage inside. An attendant spots the bag after she’s left, looks inside, and throws it away.
2008: Jane leaves a bag containing nail polish and hair detergent at the airport terminal when she empties out her car’s trunk to fit luggage inside. An attendant spots the bag, calls security, has the entire concourse shut down and all flights rerouted to another airport for three hours until the bomb squad can arrive, take away the bag with a robot, and chemically test the contents.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 – Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2008 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

Mmmmm… I love me some passive voice action!
Mary is accused…. but who accuses her? The school? The parents?
She “loses” her job… no one fired her, or even suspended her for an investigation, her job is just “lost” by some quirk of fate.
Johnny undergoes therapy; no one sends him there, it just happens. Parents don’t send him there, psychologists with degrees and education and experience who have interviewed him don’t recommend it, it just happens.

Let’s try another one:
1960: Johnny’s priest invites him to spend some extra time after school “cleaning out the pipe organ”. Johnny tells his parents, who complain to the Arch Diocese; Johnny’s priest gets transferred to a different parish a few towns over. Johnny is told to “be a man” about it, and goes on to molest children as an adult.
2008: Johnny’s priest invites him to spend some extra time after school for a “special baptismal”. Johnny tells his parents, who hire an investigator that uncovers multiple similar incidents in this priest’s past; the church is sued for enabling a lifetime of sexual predation, and Johnny gets treatment to be able to enjoy a lifetime of healthy, normal sexual responses.

Well, lucky for Pedro they had ESL summer school classes in 1960…..what do you mean, they didn’t????????

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
Both years – Johnny blows his fingers off.

The fact is, while Ace is still by far the ugliest conservative blogger, Gateway Pundit has the dumbest looking face.

Heartland.

1960: Mr. Jamison grabs his secretary’s ass when she bends over. She slaps him, and her brothers beat Mr. Jamison to a bloody pulp.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 – Billy grows up, starts hitting his father back, and is thrown out of the house. He works manual labor for the rest of his life.

“cleaning out the pipe organ”.

Full of win.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 –

Unless the neighbors are black.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 –

Unless the neighbors are black.

…or Jewish… or Italian…. or Hispanic… or Irish…

Who’s this fucking clown and should we care?

Well, the problem is he’s a gateway pundit, so if we don’t nip this in the bud, people who read his stuff might get hooked on the harder stuff, and next thing you know, they’re giving blowjobs in the back alley for their next hit of Bob Novak.

Arpita!
I’ve just met a girl named Arpita,
and suddenly the name will never be the same to me.
Arpita!
I’ve just kissed a girl named Arpita.
And suddenly I’ve found how wonderful a sound can be.
Arpita, say it loud and there’s music playing.
Say it soft and it’s almost like praying,
Arpita, I never stop saying: “Arpita!”

Scenario: Billy and Mark get into a fistfight at school.
1960 – Billy pulls out his switchblade and stabs Mark to death.
2008 – George W. remembers fondly the day he signed Billy’s death warrant.

From the Toronto Star article he links to as evidence that global warming is fake:

“The climatologist noted that although Canada has seen a lot of precipitation this winter, it is still slightly warmer than average.”

I’m sold.

You don’t suppose the rapture only takes brains do ya?

Gateway Pundit is like a black hole of stupid…a moving nexus of stupid so powerful and dense that no logic or reason can escape. A stupid so finely distilled and concentrated that it overwhelms and subsumes any logic or reason within several hundred light years.

The problem is, you and Gateway Pundit are discussing two different things. The McClatchy article unfortunately mixed the message up. Apparently, there was no operational link between Iraq and Al Qaeda. There were contacts, but, they were not working together, though at least one AQ, Zarquawi, was in fact the guest of Saddam. Bush never said Saddam and AQ were working together In fact, that was a lefty meme. But, there were contacts.

What GW Pundit is referring to is the portion which is assuming that AQ is not in Iraq now (though there is a sentence that says “in fact, al Qaida in Iraq didn’t emerge until 2004, a year after the invasion,” which GWP should have highlighted.

If y’all and Cole are going to bitch at someone, at least bitch on topic. And, surprise surprise, y’all are making it personal.

Apparently, there was no operational link between Iraq and Al Qaeda.

Thanks William Teach for that update from some years ago.

Ha! Busted, Bubba.

I shouldn’t get credit for the funny Rugged: I’ve only done one. Whoever that is is doing great work.

GAVIN!

Are you joking about the Tang part? Seriously, I’ve been looking in my local grocery stores and can’t find it ANYWHERE. I’m afraid to ask, because if they tell me it’s been discontinued or they don’t stock it I’ll cry.

Can’t. Google. It. Too. scared.

The problem is, you and Gateway Pundit are discussing two different things.

Uh. Sadly, no.

Since you must be reading impaired or a plain jane liar, here’s GP today:

UNBELIEVABLE!
Just when you thought that the mainstream media had hit rock bottom…
McClatchy Newspapers reported today that there is no Al-Qaeda in Iraq

Where he mentions “McClatchy Newspapers”, he provides this link: It’s the same link for McClatchy that Cole and Sadly No link to.

Nowhere, not in a single place, does the article mention there is “no Al-Qaeda in Iraq”. It doesn’t allege it, it doesn’t imply it, it doesn’t mention unnamed sources that say it.

I guess you are technically right when you say ‘two different things are being discussed”, but what you fail to mention is that one is citing an article while complaining that the piece cited is saying something that it clearly isn’t. The other is discussing what’s actually in the article.

You: “The McClatchy article unfortunately mixed the message up. ”

Me: Where?

You: “Bush never said Saddam and AQ were working together In fact, that was a lefty meme.”

Me: That’s cute.

Bush, Nov. 1, 2002:

“We know he’s got ties with al Qaeda. A nightmare scenario, of course, is that he becomes the arsenal for a terrorist network, where they could attack America and he’d leave no fingerprints behind. He is a problem.”

Bush, Feb. 8, 2003:

“Saddam Hussein has longstanding, direct and continuing ties to terrorist networks. Senior members of Iraqi intelligence and al Qaeda have met at least eight times since the early 1990s. Iraq has sent bomb-making and document forgery experts to work with al Qaeda. Iraq has also provided al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training. And an al Qaeda operative was sent to Iraq several times in the late 1990s for help in acquiring poisons and gases.”

Oh hell, I’m sure you think it’s all just happenstance, but usually the conflation of the words Hussein, terrorists, and Al Queda is an attempt to imply a connection. Really.

But don’t trust me, trust the gullible idiots who watch Fox News.

The McClatchy article unfortunately mixed the message up.
Having read the article, I can’t see the mix-up. By way of providing context for the earlier non-existence of AQ-in-Iraq, the article mentions in a couple of later paragraphs that its current existence has become an issue.
Despite the quote-marks used by Gateway Pundit — McClatchy Newspapers Report: “There Is No Al-Qaeda in Iraq” — that title was not used by McClatchy, and is what one might call a ‘dramatic re-enactment’.

[…] Teach of the Pirate’s Cove blog admonishes us for being too hard on his pal, Gateway Pundit: The problem is, you and Gateway Pundit are […]

Bush never said Saddam and AQ were working together In fact, that was a lefty meme.

And Blackbeard was a misunderstood nice guy, right, Teach?

If y’all and Cole are going to bitch at someone, at least bitch on topic. And, surprise surprise, y’all are making it personal.

Because your stupidity is insulting…

oops

“It’s the old global-warming-is-a-myth-because-it’s-cold-out argument. Also in the news: The Earth is flooding because it’s raining out, and the sun has somehow been destroyed because look how dark it is. I’ve personally noticed the vanishing of all orange-flavored Tang instant breakfast drink from the world, because look and hark ye — is there any more in this glass? No, it is gone. Tang is gone.”

I wanna know why, every time a wingnut has to shovel his driveway, I have to explain the difference between climate and weather?

P.S.
I’m clueless in the ways of HTML.

[…] all the time we spend over here ridiculing Gateway Pundit Jim Hoft you would honestly think that he wouldn’t have gone into his bedroom […]