A Paler Shade of White

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ABOVE: John J. Miller
The Pre-Wingnut Years


Over at the house that segregationism built, aka America’s Shittiest Website™, John J. Miller is giving a lesson on diversity, which is rather like Jonah the Whale teaching a high-impact aerobics class or John Derbyshire teaching a course in dental hygiene. The starting point of Miller’s lesson is an appearance by Michael Chertoff yesterday before a Congressional hearing. Chertoff showed up with an army of aides, ten to be precise, all of whom were whiter than K-Lo’s sheets at 3 a.m. and maler than a Taliban prayer service in Diyala, Iraq. Of course, leave it to that racist African-American liberal fascist Congressman Mel Watt to engage in a high-tech lynching of all these poor white guys just for being white by saying:

[W]e need to understand that there is an element of diversity in our country that is not represented here.”

And leave it to Miller to rush to the aid of those poor persecuted white guys:

There is more than one or two kinds of diversity. As it turns out, there was indeed diversity in the group, a DHS spokesman said yesterday. One of the men was of Peruvian heritage, he said, another was born in Russia of Jewish heritage and a third was a lawyer originally from Iran.

Moreover, one of the guys liked to listen to rap, another had lots and lots of freckles, a third knew 10 words in Spanish (only five of which were “dos mas cervesas, por favor”), and another had dressed up as a black prisoner for a DHS Halloween party. That’s not just diverse, it’s the whole fucking rainbow.

 

Comments: 28

 
 
 

You know, I have to assume that a person working for a venerable and popular magazine is fluent in English.

So, since Watts didn’t say there was no diversity, but simply that there was a lack of women and black people, I have to assume one of the groups named consists entirely of women, and another consists entirely of black people.

I’m going to guess that all Iranians and Russian Jews are black, and that all Peruvians are women, thus proving Watts wrong through the transitive property.

I don’t read the news much, so could one of you remind me what happened to all the Peruvian men? Thanks.

 
 

Here’s an old favorite of mine from Mr. Miller:

“The Stalinist and the Stamp
Why is the Postal Service honoring a commie?

http://tinyurl.com/2qyda3

 
 

Their diversity is inside. You just can’t see it. Really, it’s in there. Trust us. Who you gonna believe, me or your lieing eyes?

 
 

I’m sure that they represented a broad array of sexual perversions.

 
 

And plus don’t forget Skelator-Americans!

 
 

“The Stalinist and the Stamp
Why is the Postal Service honoring a commie?

The United States Postal Service has long been notorious as a fever-swamp of unhinged neo-Maoist extremism and unrestrained drippy-tongued stamp-licking.

 
 

Wow, there are wingnut Jews too? Who would have thought that?!

You’d think they could have drummed at least a High Yellow somewhere, if Alan Keyes were unavailable.

 
 

That reminds me of how much fun I had with the Nixon stamps.

I bought a BUNCH of them. And I drew little words balloons next to Nixon and put famous Nixon phrases (and parodies of those phrases) in the ballon.

What I meant to say was “I am not a COOK!” I’m a bad cook.

You won’t have this Nixon stamp to kick around any more.

I am not a kook.

The girls love this envelope … and we’re going to keep it.

And so on. I did it for months. When I did it for the Gone with the Wind stamps, I got numerous comments. I don’t remember anybody saying one word – for good or ill – about the Nixon comments.

(Geez! Imagine getting all het up over a stamp choice. Frida Kahlo is awesome and Miller is a pendejo.)

 
 

Miller kinda looks like a young Lou Reed in that pic. Too bad he turned out to be such a twat.

 
 

Wait, the Taliban is in Iraq now? Oh NOES!

Does Boosh know?

 
 

and another had dressed up as a black prisoner for a DHS Halloween party.

If only that were a joke.

 
 

all of whom were whiter than K-Lo’s sheets at 3 a.m.

Ah, so AFTER the Klan meeting…

 
Five of Diamonds
 

But Chertoff continued: “I wouldn’t assume that the ethnic background of everybody behind me is self-evident.”

He doesn’t discriminate. He doesn’t ask all of the white people he hires about their ethnic background.

 
 

Adam Stanhope said,

March 7, 2008 at 19:36

Here’s an old favorite of mine from Mr. Miller:

“The Stalinist and the Stamp
Why is the Postal Service honoring a commie?

http://tinyurl.com/2qyda3

Wow… just when I thought the rightwing’s screed over the Eid stamps was bad.

 
 

Isn’t “high-impact aerobics” the new term for “enhanced interrogations” at Gitmo?

 
 

How many aides does it take to assist Michael Chertoff at a congressional hearing?
Ten!
No, it’s not funny.

 
 

Do they have Reagan stamps yet?

I can hardly wait.

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.

The bombing starts in five minutes.

Ketchup is a vegetable.

Where’s the rest of me?!?!?!

 
 

Monkay said,

March 7, 2008 at 21:50

How many aides does it take to assist Michael Chertoff at a congressional hearing?
Ten!

Well yeah, but two of them are just there to show that his staff has diversity.

 
 

Monkay said,

March 7, 2008 at 21:50

How many aides does it take to assist Michael Chertoff at a congressional hearing?
Ten!

How many Chertoff aides does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[insert punchline here]

 
 

How many Chertoff aides does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10!
Nine to electrocute themselves by humping the glass bulb until it breaks and one to blame it all on big government.

 
 

How many Chertoff aides does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[insert punchline here]

One, but it takes the bulb either years to make it to the socket after being warehoused in Maine.

 
 

Does this remind anyone else of James Watt’s “I have a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple”?

 
 

…only even more stupid and pathetic?

 
 

yes.

 
 

I have a black, a woman, two jews and a cripple. They just all LOOK like white guys.

 
 

Clif, dude, that ain’t Miller. Check out the jeans; John Miller is a dickless wonder.

How many aides does Chertoff need to change a lightbulb? Well, at least one to run the ideological-purity test on the new bulb candidates, a couple more to skim the bulb supply at the warehouse and trade them to KBR in return for a sinecure, some more to fake the books and fail to run an audit on the bulb supply, plus one to stand up at the press conference and announce that (a) nobody could have predicted that bulbs would be stolen; and (b) if we keep arguing about stolen lightbulbs, the terr-rristses have won.

Hoosier X, the rule used to be that an individual had to be dead for five years before becoming eligible for a U.S. postage stamp. Not just brain-dead, but actually *in the ground*. Since philiatelists are deeply deeply conservative in the old-fashioned sense, I don’t believe this rule has been dumped yet, even for St. Ronnie.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One *exactly* — any more, and we’ll just start arguing over whose fault it was the old bulb blew out!

 
 

Hoosier X said,

March 7, 2008 at 20:03

That reminds me of how much fun I had with the Nixon stamps.

I bought a BUNCH of them. And I drew little words balloons next to Nixon and put famous Nixon phrases (and parodies of those phrases) in the ballon.

I bought some envelopes specifically designed so when you stuck the stamp on, Nixon’s face looked out of a jail cell, with bars. Might still have one around somewhere.

 
 

?I have a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple?

Does that beat a Full House? I fold.

 
 

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