As much as I like movies like “3:10 To Yuma” and “28 Days Later” and so forth, I’d much rather live in placid family sitcom-world. Some people just really want to use their guns on something more than deer and squirrels.

After having just read Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, I think everyone who fantasizes about a post-apocalyptic world (and that includes sci-fi authors) should read that. Creepy as fuck, and why would anyone ever want to be there?

I could handle the marauding biker gangs, but I tremble to think of Kevin Costner coming to my home.

I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation.

Well, only because such skills are completely fucking useless to practically all of us.

Poor thing. But I guess it’s a living.

Is American civilization teetering on the brink of total collapse and about to be overrun by marauding biker gangs a la The Postman?

Surely you jest. Have you not heard that Hitlery might become president?

I think that most Americans have a deep-seated need to believe that if they really, really had to–if a hellish post-civilized world came to pass, and they were forced to pick up a knife/gun/katana/etc.–that they would become total badasses.

If you look at glibertaranism through that lens, it makes a lot more sense.

Dr. Mrs. Ole Professor said: “Sadly, our mindset is now more like The New Feminized Majority in which soft power and discussions are slowly taking the place of the Combat Mind-set.”
Ricky of Trailer Park Boys said: “Now you got suit dummies making up big fancy word papers about me…”
This is a tough one, a close call. Who better articulated an anti-feminized majority mindset where differences are settled with weapons not discussions?…….I guess I gotta go with Ricky.
Thank you for trying DMOP – you just don’t have the panache that Ricky has. I could now make a snarky comment about losing to a fictional trailer park dope grower but I am better than that.

Training for self defense by reading a book.
Supporting a military by blogging.

Sounds about right.

I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation.

I confess that I am one of these soft, defenseless Americans. In fact, I’m proud of it.
You see, our civilization works that way by design. Long ago – around the dawn of civilization, I think – some guy thought it would be better for all involved if certain people were chosen to maintain the peace among community members. That way, everybody else could get on with other important tasks like growing food rather than constantly having to worry about defending themselves from predators among the group.

The real question is, if all grocery stores suddenly disappeared, what would wingnuts do without the ability to make their own Cheetos?

Hey, isn’t Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser the same person who castigated Kristine Scalzi for actually defending herself in a real-world situation?

Training for self defense by reading a book.
Supporting a military by blogging.

Sounds about right.

we have a winner!

The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies

Heh Indeed. I’ve known a few people who really got into things like No Blade of Grass and Lucifer’s Hammer and the like, but the thing they all had most in common was that their perception of the American system was that it was not one that would allow them to rise to the level of their abilities (and that in an apocalypse the likes of MDOP would be helpless against their own heavily-armed, firing-range drilled, dear God I know these people, selves). What’s MDOP’s excuse/mania, I wonder.

Yes. She is a hypocrite as well as an asshat:

http://drhelen.blogspot.com/2006/09/bit-of-over-reaction.html

I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation.

As a Volvo-Driving L1brul Surrender Monkey, my plan is:

– run;
– scream for help;
– beg;
– run some more.

That’s how I roll…….

Some useful bits of information that Cooper provides is that one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him. “His response should be not “Oh my God, I’m in a fight!” but rather, “I thought this might happen and I know what to do about it.”

The terminally stupid thing about this statement is that this kind of training doesn’t involve reading a freakin’ book (or watching Red Dawn), it involves confronting peril (and not the good Monty Python and the Holy Grail kind). I strongly doubt DMOP or the rest of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders are up for that kind of rigor.

Even then, trained individuals — whether soldiers, martial artists, whatever — can find themselves confronting “sudden awareness of peril” and freezing up, or panicking, or overreacting. Training helps, but one never knows how one will react when confronted by the “sudden awareness of peril.” I think it’s fear of this realization that drives a lot of wingnut bellicosity.

One would hope that DMOP, being a psychologist, would realize this, but one would evidently be wrong.

The Dr. Mrs. Ole Professor provides a useful public service: She gives Tough Guys a safe, nurturing forum in which they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings, and we get to read them. Take Jeff, for example (comment at 6:59 PM, March 05, 2008).

In every decadent era, the majority becomes feminized. In every effiminate era, people claim that a more cooperative society is at hand. It’s at this time that all hell usually breaks loose.

Machiavelli railed against the effeminacy that caused (in his view) the fall of the northern Italian city-states to the French. The decadent, effeminate Wiemar period, with the more cooperative League of Nations, morphed into the second great war.

There is only one response to feminist Utopians: “Pangloss deceived me cruelly when he said that all is for the best in the world.”

As Edroso often notes, the fun is in the comments.

These are the same people who lived in gated communities and want to wall off the entire country.

Ole Missus is merely preparing for the inevitable Race War [tm] that will occur when B. HUSSEIN Osama becomes President, and the white folks in suburban Tennesee will rise up in righteous fury at such an intolerable indignation, *OR* when B. HUSSEIN Osama does *not* win, in which case the uppity Negroes will surely make the Watts and Detroit riots look like a Dave Chappelle block party. Either way, it’s clobberin’ time!

So you see, it’s inevitable, so the good white folks better be sure their books are full and completely read by then. Or something. She keeps her Cooper tome right there on the shelf next to the “Turner Diaries.”

::: “Hey, buttholes, you don’t know who you’re messin’ with! I JUST READ A FUCKING BOOK!!! OOGAH-BOOGAH-BOOGAH!!!!!”

If Atlas Shrugged is anything to go by, some books have the power to make someone into an asshole for a couple of months.

I think that most Americans have a deep-seated need to believe that if they really, really had to–if a hellish post-civilized world came to pass, and they were forced to pick up a knife/gun/katana/etc.–that they would become total badasses.

It seems as if Ole Perf and Dr Mrs Old Perf can’t wait for the time when they’re blowing away the hordes of rampaging n—–s from their rooftops.

It just means that they divide the world up into ‘Might Be Rampaging At Some Point’ and ‘Might Be Blowing Away The Rampagers’. That’s a clarifying thought.

…one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him.

Does the book say anything about how to tell the difference between actual peril and, say, being approached by a panhandler? That might come in handy and avoid some tragic overreactions.

I agree with Gregory et al that even trained people don’t know exactly how they’ll respond when that sudden awareness hits, this constant macho posturing from the wingnuts notwithstanding.

This is so amazing, because just last night I dreamed of Kevin Costner. He was in his serial-killer type “Mr. Brooks” role and was trying to kill me somehow and I remember even in my dream thinking “This is really stupid.”

Reading a book, indeed. Doesn’t she know that come the Nukyular Apocalypse, she’ll immediately drop and break her reading glasses? Did Burgess Meredith suffer for naught?

So while Ole Perfesser becomes CyberBlogger 5000, in his cold distant electronic city in space; Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser roams the shattered wasteland where only the strong and well read survive.

I think that they are trying to tell us something about their marriage here.

The title of Cooper’s book, by the way, is “To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak the Truth.” In case you want your library to be a little more Marshall Dillon-esque …

From J’s quote of a commenter:

The decadent, effeminate Wiemar period, with the more cooperative League of Nations, morphed into the second great war.

I’m not sure what this dude is getting at. He deplores our feminization and warns this will lead to a more militaristic society, which would presumably be a bad thing. Except that seems to be exactly what people like him want, and they don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

I think “conflicted” might be an appropriate term here.

I suspect this is how your average glibertarian imagines themselves in the big-budget action thriller in their minds…

I think that they are trying to tell us something about their marriage here.

Yeah, a dominatrix should never marry a man whose life ambition is to legally have sex with his blow-up robot girfriend.

I think “conflicted” might be an appropriate term here.

Spot on, Me. Maybe the commenter is just annoyed that we have to go through all the icky gooey touchy-feely girly sparkle-pony stuff first before we get the fascist goodies.

‘if a hellish post-civilized world came to pass, and they were forced to pick up a knife/gun/katana/etc.–that they would become total badasses.’

I used to think that way — when I was a kid I wanted to be a ninja. I’d go on long hikes and try to do all that mind mumbo-jumbo or whatever it was. I believed in Ronald Reagan. But yes, I think you’ve hit on it; it’s the fantasy that a person “has what it takes” to survive in dire circumstances. Thankfully growing up cured me of these fantasies. Also, when you realize how long it takes to train a real soldier (and note that the only ones who could really do that stuff, the Rangers and Seals and etc., are few and far between) and the hours upon hours of practice necessary to develop any sort of “skills”, the fantasy melts away in face of hard reality. Truth is the best thing I can do for my survival is learn more about computers, as that’s what pays the bills. It would make no sense for me to spend hours upon hours at a shooting range or one of the local dojos.

I’ve spent a few years living in some fairly “shady” places. You wanna know the best survival skill? Look like a nobody; wear older clothes and keep to yourself. Don’t be the loud white guy (in my case) who’s always attracting attention or dressing flashy. Being a good talker helps, too. I had a professor in college who spent some serious time in war zones in Africa. He’s alive (and so is his wife, who had the stones to travel with him) today because he was able to talk himself out of situations (several of which involved irate drunk soldiers with heavy machine guns). Packing cigarettes (even if you don’t smoke) is an almost universal survival tactic that has a proven track record. People are much easier to deal with when you, and them, remain calm.

I hate to ramble, but remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians. The idea being that supposedly the “last days” will be filled with the type of chaos where these sorts of survival skills would be necessary. Not all Christians believe that, but I think it’s safe to say that a good chunk of the 30% who approve of Bush believe that such chaos will probably happen in the US in their lifetimes.

another great example of the mindset….

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/03/03/gun-incident-near-president-bushs-ranch/

whatever happened to reaching out with a handshake or a “hi, can i help you” to strangers? then there’s that jesus sermon on the mount “thang” about turning the other cheek that’s NOT shoot first ask questions later.

thanks to the bush ruination, the whole country’s drifting towards becoming militarized.

Jihadist-envy.

At least your commenter didn’t call her “the” wife.

As ever, the note: DMOP is licensed to practise as a psychologist in the state of Tennessee. Normally, that just means that TN’s board doesn’t give a shit who it licenses, but it also means that come the oh-bring-it-now return to a Hobbesian state, there’s not going to be that much room for therapy sessions. Funny, that.

Anyway, ‘keep myself in a self-defense mindset’ is a euphemism for masturbation I’d never heard before.

One thing that Jeff Cooper stressed in his writings and training sessions is to be aware of your surroundings. Yes, be aware if someone is sneaking up behind you, but also, and just as important, be aware of that patch of daffodills that wasn’t there the day before, or the really pretty sunset, or the “V” of Canada Geese flying overhead.

The world is a pretty beautiful place, but you can’t enjoy that beauty if you’re not paying attention to the world.

The “self-defense” mindset is not, per se, a tripwire reaction to real, assumed, percieved or self-delusional peril. It’s more a matter of just keeping your eyes open and being aware of your surroundings. Oh, and to AVOID trouble if at all possible! Going a block or two out of your way to avoid a potentially troublesome situation is preferable to actually having to draw a weapon, let alone use it.

Although, to the gunslinging uberpistolero Randroids, that mindset is more, “ohboyohboyohboy! I sure pity any scary brown person who tries to mess with ME today. I’ll show that islamofascist bastard what for, alright!”

Poison. Cheetos. Some assembly required.
Wait for your death. Your shiny new boomstick is mine.

(That is how they talk, isn’t it?)

yep, we’re only involved in two, er, um police-actions? conflicts? wars? in Iraq and Afghanistan and are now saber rattling for a third in Iran – definitely a sign of too much feminizing discussion like that discussion-debacle in North Korea where the North Koreans stopped their enrichment and lowered the threat posed by their . . oh . . ermm.

jnfr said…I dreamed of Kevin Costner. He was in his serial-killer type “Mr. Brooks” role and was trying to kill me somehow and I remember even in my dream thinking “This is really stupid.”

At least you had somebody with dramatic potential. I had freakin’ Danny Devito. What do I get? Potentially awkward scenes from Twins set in the Sudan?

…remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians.

I was wondering about that. Y2K was such a non-event that I think a lot of people were disappointed and looked around for some outlet for their millennarian paranoia, and they found it in spades in the person of Gee Dumbya.

Back when the calendar ticked over I wasn’t much worried about all the dire computer stuff people said would happen; I was a lot more worried about people who were worried about The End Of the World doing stupid stuff. Like mass suicides and all that other panicking.

I also expected there to be lots of backtracking and pseudo-scholarship about “OK, so the world didn’t end on the stroke of midnight, Jan. 31, 1999 – what this means is that the monks in the 14th century goobered the calendar up and the year 2000 really begins on March 19, 2003, blah blah blah, so that’s when the world will really end.” Maybe there’s been some of that but I haven’t seen it.

The decadent, effeminate Wiemar period, with the more cooperative League of Nations, morphed into the second great war.

Because of all teh gay Nazis and fascist Wilson’s fascist League of Nations, of course. Which is central to his point.

This brings home the point that gun ownership is very much about fear and insecurity. Gun nuts derive their sense of security from guns, they’ve never got to learn that people don’t jump you at random after hig school.

guess I looked menacing and ready prevented a confrontation.

No, actually, the commenter initiated a confrontation. The bum was simply making an ordinary social transaction, one I encounter several times a week, which is “hey man, can you spare some change?”

The appropriate response (if you don’t want to give) is “Sorry, no.”

Not whirling around brandishing your Audi key like a knife and leaping into an attack position.

OMG! The “Mall Ninja” chronicles.

Fortunately I drink Diet Coke, so there was no sticky mess to clean up and my Apple Extended Keyboard did not suffer any real damage.

But next time, a “No Beverages While Reading” warning would be appreicated.

This arises from the difference between the liberal and conservative mind sets. Liberal – Man is a social animal, the natural state of man is community. He is always part of a larger social group with responsibilities to the individual welfare.Conservative – Man is an individual, pitted against the world. An independent loner, bravely making his way. A lion.

A “self-defensive mind set” is a rationalization for the use of weapons. Weapons “want” to be used. Watch any kid with a slingshot or BB gun. Try to imagine the kid not using them. Speaking of kids and weapons, watch for the trial of the new tactical nuclear bunker buster bombs in Iran.

Comics are the best self-defense manuals because they show what stances and poses to take and what words to utter. You can also learn how to surf.

jnfr said,

This is so amazing, because just last night I dreamed of Kevin Costner. He was in his serial-killer type “Mr. Brooks” role and was trying to kill me somehow and I remember even in my dream thinking “This is really stupid.”

Fixed, with even more st00pid! (H/T d r i f t g l a s s)

After reading that article Sniper linked to, I’m twice as annoyed. “Always be on guard…unless it’s a guy trying to molest you, then it’s okay!”

#

JRL said,

March 6, 2008 at 19:35

::: “Hey, buttholes, you don’t know who you’re messin’ with! I JUST READ A FUCKING BOOK!!! OOGAH-BOOGAH-BOOGAH!!!!!”

If Atlas Shrugged is anything to go by, some books have the power to make someone into an asshole for a couple of months.

…and for some, an asshole for life.

Comics are the best self-defense manuals

Number one rule: don’t flirt with Midge even if you think Moose isn’t around.

This is the Red Dawn mindset in action. OMG! The 1) Commies; 2) Muslims; 3) Atheists; 4) Abortionists; 5) Negroes; 6) Feminazis; 7) Pornographers; 8) Other (select all that apply) are coming to rape me and kill my family!! I must grab my available weaponry and make them pay!!!

It doesn’t help that about 99% of this country seems to be afraid of its fucking shadow right now — even in suburban Tennessee. Somehow, as a young to middle-aged white guy, I’ve lived in nasty parts of Los Angeles, spent months in jail, survived riots and natural disasters, been on both sides of the financial spectrum, been a professional and a slacker, and somehow managed to survive. I don’t think DMOP needs to wall herself up in the panic room quite yet, unless she gets off that way.

But next time, a “No Beverages While Reading” warning would be appreicated.

Sorry, Chris. 🙂

Hysterical Woman said …After reading that article Sniper linked to, I’m twice as annoyed. “Always be on guard…unless it’s a guy trying to molest you, then it’s okay!”

But if it were Patrick Stewart it would be okay, wouldn’t it?

Chris Tucker said,

March 6, 2008 at 19:49

One thing that Jeff Cooper stressed in his writings and training sessions is to be aware of your surroundings. Yes, be aware if someone is sneaking up behind you, but also, and just as important, be aware of that patch of daffodills that wasn’t there the day before, or the really pretty sunset, or the “V” of Canada Geese flying overhead.

Yep. And a lot of basic gun safety rules came from Cooper: things like, assume a gun is always loaded, never stick anything in front of the barrel that you don’t want to destroy, be aware of the target you’re shooting at.

A lot of those who, have post-apocalyptic orgasmic fantasies, such as DMOP, are the same type of people who keep a loaded gun under their pillow, shoot a fellow hunter who’s wearing fluorescent orange, and shoot themselves while cleaning a gun.

Scott, the Mall Ninja link was hilarious! And, yes, I know one or two guys like that. They regularly stink of fear and have zero sense of humor.

I’ve spent a few years living in some fairly “shady” places. You wanna know the best survival skill?

good advice, Andrew. I agree.

I’m a female person of a certain age, and I have never in my entire life felt threatened or endangered by my fellow human beings. Luck, I realize, has a lot to do with it.

Just like Andrew, I’ve spent some time in some strange places, including major cities, bad neighborhoods, industrial sites, places where people do some crazy stuff, and I think a lot of it has to do with street sense and awareness. You don’t have to get all heroic or arm yourself, you just have to manage to avoid appearing like a good target.

It also has to do with your expectations. If you walk in a strange neighborhood and expect that someone is lurking nearby to harm you, it colors your entire view of the place. If you walk in a strange neighborhood and expect that most of the people you encounter are just going about their business, and may even be interesting and nice people, you don’t spend your time freaking out.

It’s a kind of perverted egotism, isn’t it, to think that you’re the object of everyone’s attention and that they all envy you enough to want to harm you?

But for people like DMOP and her readers

How can she even have readers? She can’t write as well as the average 12-year-old. A few more phrases like “if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation” or “Some useful bits of information . . . is . . .” and I’d be off to find some reading matter that didn’t make me feel like someone had taken corkscrews to my eyes. Like, say, on the nearest men’s room wall.

‘I also expected there to be lots of backtracking and pseudo-scholarship about “OK, so the world didn’t end on the stroke of midnight, Jan. 31, 1999 – what this means is that the monks in the 14th century goobered the calendar up and the year 2000 really begins on March 19, 2003, blah blah blah, so that’s when the world will really end.” Maybe there’s been some of that but I haven’t seen it.’

I collect (not a large collection, but I grab what I can find) that sort of stuff. Like records of preachers in the 1980’s who said that the Soviet Union was going to march on Israel by Y2K. The message morphed a bit when Soviet influence started waning and Iraq became more of an issue in the early 90’s (may explain why some of them support the war in Iraq). I’ve meant to keep track of these preacher’s names and see if they’ve amended any of their statements since then. It’s funny ’cause I’m pretty sure that the Bible itself says that Jesus’ return will happen at a time when nobody expects it; i.e. after these folks stop getting financial mileage out of selling “end times” fantasies. So all of those people who think they can hasten the apocalypse are just doing bad things for no reason. I believe the phrase is “not even the angels in heaven” know when Christ will return. So wasting time and energy pursuing these fantasies isn’t even supported by the scriptures that many of them profess to believe.

…“if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation”…

Heh. I write crappy bits like that all the time, but I catch most of them in proofreading.

DMOP and many other cheetobloggers don’t bother with the proofreading. I can’t imagine how they manage not to die of embarrassment, but that ability is central to being a wingnut.

Seriously, who gave this dumb cobag a Ph.D? She can’t write. She can’t think. My only consolation is that she also can’t prescribe drugs.

Every once in a while I go down to my basement library and re-read a book by gun expert Jeff Cooper . . . just to keep myself in a self-defense mindset.

That way, he’ll be ready when President Obama, Vice President Louis Farakhan and their army of scary black men come to take his guns away.

Sorry, I meant “she’ll be ready.” I thought we were talking about the original nutty Ole Perfesser here.

I guess I have many of the trappings of a survivalist nutcase. The isolated farm, a couple of guns, some livestock. But without cash, and with most rural and suburban populations collapsing back into the few remaining food distribution nodes, a battle of all against all in the US, would clearly result in slow starvation for me and my wife, even if we managed not to piss off the local warlord.
These people need to clean the shit out of their shorts and get a fucking grip.

Andrew, you are very wise. g also.

[…] are you reading this blog, when you could be reading these guys? Filed under: Whatevs — JasonC @ 1:23 […]

After reading that article Sniper linked to, I’m twice as annoyed. “Always be on guard…unless it’s a guy trying to molest you, then it’s okay!”

With a side dish of, “What’s a virtuous woman doing in a bar, anyway?”

…i.e. after these folks stop getting financial mileage out of selling “end times” fantasies.

Fascinating. Maybe they’re even preventing the end of the world, because they figure out the next scheduled appearance of Jesus, which has to be re-scheduled because nobody’s supposed to know about it. No wonder He’s going to be so pissed when He returns!

I’d meant to write “Dec. 31, 1999” instead of the Jan. 31 I wrote, but looks like you took my meaning.

I found the calendar-ticking-over event to be one of the stupidest imaginable causes for the end of the world. Amazing how many people don’t realize that it isn’t the same year everywhere; if 2000-ness caused such awful destruction Thailand would have disappeared in about 1457 A.D. I guess only the Christian calendar matters, and probably the time zone would have to be the one New York City is in, or maybe somewhere in Gary’s Heartland.

Idiots. Effin’ idiots.

I will continue to assert that Humans evolved from two ancestors. the Chimp and the Bonobo.

MDOP obviously has a Chimp for a relative.

Me? Considering my penchant for Teh Hottness, I’m guessing Bonobo.

…Seriously, who gave this dumb cobag a Ph.D?

It is a psych Ph.D., yes? I would certainly not say that all psych Ph.D.s are idiots, but it’s a field in which some graduate schools set a pretty low bar.

g said… I’ve spent some time in some strange places, including major cities, bad neighborhoods, industrial sites, places where people do some crazy stuff, and I think a lot of it has to do with street sense and awareness.

I agree. That awareness has to come out of a direct relationship with people and the social landscape that they inhabit. It’s the same with all forms of discrimination; prejudice dissolves when you spend time with people and develop an understanding of their form of life.

Street sense. Definitely. I do find that you’re an exeption to the case…Most of the women that I know have at one point or another been apprehensive walking the streets at night. Even if they’re accompanied by a friend. I, personally never feel it, and it takes me a few seconds to recognize that look in women’s eyes for what it is.

A self-described conservative Christian I went to law school with kept a gun in his truck or on him at all times. One time when he was walking the mean streets of downtown Indianapolis in the early evening a man walked across the street towards him. Sensing doom, he pulled his gun on the guy and told him, ” this is going to stop right now.”

Whatever was going on stopped right then. This was about 8 or so years go.

Wife and I were walking back to our car from having dinner out. Place was well lit and patrolled so I did not figure on any problems. But I detected footsteps other than our own behind us. I told my wife to keep walking and I slowed down my pace.

Oh my God! Footsteps….OTHER THAN OUR OWN!

OTHER THAN OUR OWN!!!!!

The fact is, liberals are NOT prepared for what is coming, and that is an advantage we here in the Heartland will use to finally rid our nation of enemies within.

That Shrine of the Mall Ninja is too funny. Way too funny.

“The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees”.

Sure and the fact that in her deepest post-apocalyptic fantasies, she (and others of her ilk) will finally be the one in charge. Its like, “well sheeit, now ah cain shoot anyone and anything I feel lahk cuz ahm th’ boss hog now”

…Or she just really really wishes that Ted Nugent would warm to her form.

Gary, you’re a sick bastard. Straight up, no chaser. Sick.

Someone as fucked up as she is definitely should not be counseling people, or giving psychiatric advice/consultations of any kind.

Conservative – Man is an individual, pitted against the world. An independent loner, bravely making his way. A lion.

Wait a minute, the lion depends on a harem of lionesses to bring home the food and raise the kids. All the lion does is sleep and boink…never mind, it is a pretty good idea of what wingnut utopia would be like.

PS: That picture of Patrick Stewart is lowering my productivity today.

Is that even the real Gary? I can’t tell the difference between Ruppert and Ruppertesque parody anymore.

She instead goes down to her basement and reads a book. A BOOK. This has to be the least self-defense-y thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.

Hold on a minute there. Didn’t someone suggest that students facing a rampaging gun massacre could use their books as a shield or even fling it at the assailant? Didn’t he propose giving students Kevlar-covered books for just such an eventuality? I think one should keep an armored book by one’s side at all times, just in case.

Confronted by a confrontation! What a wordsmith! You know what I often wonder, Dr.? Why people who have never, ever been confronted with a mortal confrontation are so freakin’ certain about how they would react and behave.

Although Col. Cooper’s politics were significantly to the right of Dick Cheney’s, he was a brilliant, thoughtful man who wrote well and expounded on some very good attributes, such as confidence, competence, discipline, learning and thinking. He made major contributions to combat pistolcraft (the so-called “Modern Technique”) and to riflery (the “Scout Rifle” concept”). And no, one does not have to be a paranoid wannabe nutjob to want to train and become skilled with firearms. Some people sew. Some sail. Some shoot.

As someone noted above, Cooper did not encourage people to look for confrontation, indeed, he always suggested avoiding it. It’s a funny thing, to me at least. People train in a “martial art” like kung fu or karate and they are admired for their training and discipline and skills. Train in a martial art like combat pistolcraft and you are judged to be some kind of looney.

Please also bear in mind that wingnuts tend to be people who TALK about shooting, not actually the people who put the time and effort into developing their skills and capabilities…

mikey

Hello, Gary! Corrupt any minors today?

The “Iron Man” trailer is cool. If we all had Iron Man suits, people would be a lot more polite, and “parking lot” encounters would be rare.

Also, we could fly…and we’d all have expressionless robot faces Ruppert could relate to, since he’s just an algorithm.

If more liberals had Iron Man suits, I think we’d stop being perceived as “soft” on National Security. And not the clunky Mark I version with the flamethrowers. I’m talking the full-on Mark III.

Food for thought, Mark Penn. Forget healthcare. Promise us Iron Man suits = Hillary landslide.

Also, we could fly…and we’d all have expressionless robot faces Ruppert could relate to, since he’s just an algorithm.

I started trying to make a JanusNode Gary but it just wasn’t that funny.

It’s like all the ‘Great Generation’ folks that swore they were fighting WWII “so their children can grow up in a world without war”. As soon as we reach a point where America can grow a couple of generations who don’t get immediately drafted at the age of 18, they start griping that “the kids have it too soft,” and “they need a war to toughen them up.” Wasn’t that the whole fucking point????

All law abiding American citizens should be permitted without restriction to own and carry any kind of firearm they chose. I personally carry a Glock 32C .357 SIG semi automatic handgun out in the open as it is permitted in Montana and should be permitted in all 50 States and Territories. Also when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back. The .30- 06 Springfield is one of the most powerful cartridges ever made and easily cuts through cover. All Federal gun control legislation should be repealed starting with the 1934 Gun Registration Act.

Funny thing: The historian Edward Gibbon in Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire actually blamed said decline and fall on exactly the same sort of thing Missus Professor is talking about. Now, I know you’ve been told that Rome fell because of sodomites and boobs in movies (or something), but Gibbon argued that it was the loss of a warrior spirit. However, he attributed this loss to the rise of a then-new liberal peacenik movement known as Christianity.

So, there you go. You want a country of macho, gun-toting tough guys? First you have to get rid of that hippie hanging around (literally) in the churches.

What Mikey said.

Plus, I think a few more trained, gun-ownin’ liberals would scare the living bejeebus out of the Gary Rupperts of the world.

Rugged in Montana, sorry to hear about your tiny, useless penis.

It’s just the parody troll, compleat with miss spelling.

On the other hand:

Speechifying

-Atrios 13:14

Holy crap.

Rugged in Montana is the OG Mall Ninja? Who knew?

Hey buddy! Where I come from bragging about your weapons is a sure sign that you are compensating for the less than ginormous size of your God-given ‘weapon’.

I bet you drive a big truck, too.

Thought so.

Rugged in Montana;’s new name is Pinky.

Please refer to him by the official moniker from here on out.

Dammit, Chris. You beat me to it!

Jesus, “Rugged” what the hell are you afraid of?

Sniper-

That’s “Pinky” to you.

”If you murder innocents to achieve a political objective, you’re evil.”

This excludes murdering, but not killing or deathifying.

Regarding that comment, I would say that a person who violently spins around and threatens someone violently with their keys STARTED the confrontation, not preventing it.

And Jesus, I get asked for change about 10 times a day. Do I pull weapons on them? NO! Why? Because I’m not a psycho, and I think some of those people may actually need a little help.

When did these wackos throw, “Love thy neighbor” out the window and replace it with, “threaten thy neighbor with whatever weapon you have most readily available.”

And reading a book about self-defense is like watching a soloflex infomercial and calling it a workout.

“I personally carry a Glock 32C .357 SIG semi automatic handgun out in the open as it is permitted in Montana”

Well, hell. That pretty much “shoots” my grand plan of opening a Montana Code Pink Chapter right in the ol’ keester now don’t it?

And Mr Rugged, I have a magnifying glass and tweezers to help locate your poor, lost needle-shlong.

I feel naked without my BFG 3000.

Well, I’m 35, so I grew up during the golden age of post-apocalyptic sci-fi. As a result, I know for certain that if a nuclear war/environmental catastrophe/whatever destroyed society I would instantly turn into a total badass road warrior type, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

However I stopped actually saying this out loud when I was about 12 or so. How these people can do it with a straight face is beyond me.

“The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees.”

They behave this way, waving their cocks around, because they know that they will never actually be forced into a situation where they will ever have to demonstrate any measure of physical courage – ever. Any of them. In the mean time, they can all assemble in each others’ basements and read books about what it would be like if they ever had to endure any measure of physical activity – and then blog about it.

OT but I just watched a clip the General put together from Laura Ingraham’s off -air rant.

It’s teh funny. Funny in that sad, sad way of course.

Yeah, Chris, but I’m sure he has an *amazing* tactical holster for the thing.

“I go down to my basement library”

At first I thought – who the hell has a library in their basement? But then it occurred to me that she probably has one of those pants-pissing rooms that Jodie Foster had in some movie she was in. Freak out room? scaredy cat room? oh, wait a minute, panic room, that’s it. She has one of those panic rooms where she can go to feel safe.

And reading a book about self-defense is like watching a soloflex infomercial and calling it a workout.

Can’t say I completely agree with this. A book on self-defense could well be very informative, just like any other book on real-world scenarios.

Having said that, Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor is still a loon.

“I know for certain that if a nuclear war/environmental catastrophe/whatever destroyed society I would”

have a taking dog.

h0b03s r dayngerus

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freight_Train_Riders_of_America

Din’t u c Empire of The North?

I think what a lot of these folks desire is the right to dispense their own justice. Some low life asks you for a dollar? BOOM! In the words of the immortal Toby Keith, You gotta saddle up your boys and you gotta draw a hard line, y’know?

After having just read Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, I think everyone who fantasizes about a post-apocalyptic world (and that includes sci-fi authors) should read that.

I read that last year when the Bush government was floating “wouldn’t it be awesome to bomb Iran” trial balloons. Scared the bejeeezus out of me.

Look, maybe it would help if we treated fear like a drug. It’s addictive. It’s like heroin. All those changes in serotonin and hormones and all that other stuff … it alters brain chemistry. And some people get hooked on it.

I have zero scientific background to back this up, BTW. It’s just common sense to me.

Tactical Holster!?

She is Glenn’s “Tactical Holster”!

This is my rifle

This is my gun

The fact is, Gary Ruppert is a heterosexual, but no one knows that yet.

when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back

In rural areas? Who could blame you?
Those goddamn cows are asking for it, with their butterfly knives and tactical suitcase nukes.
And their guns.

Yeah, I’ve often thought that Grover Norquist should put his money where is mouth is and move to his most blissful spot on the earth – Iraq. But Somalia is a pretty darned good place for him, too. Until he does, nobody should listen to a word he says. Well, no one should do that anyway.

Another fact is, Dick Cheney actually shot an old man in the face and then made him apologize for it.

The real question is, if all grocery stores suddenly disappeared, what would wingnuts do without the ability to make their own Cheetos? – r€nato

They would have to hire people with mad chemistry and f00d ski11z like me to make cheeto-like materials for them.

But then people like me would only do so if the wingnuts cooperate and forswear their wingnuttery. But seeing their dream/nightmare scenario come true, they’ll have done so anyway … faster than you can say “soiled pants”.

#

Rugged in Montana said,

March 6, 2008 at 21:06

All law abiding American citizens should be permitted without restriction to own and carry any kind of firearm they chose. I personally carry a Glock 32C .357 SIG semi automatic handgun out in the open as it is permitted in Montana and should be permitted in all 50 States and Territories. Also when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back. The .30- 06 Springfield is one of the most powerful cartridges ever made and easily cuts through cover. All Federal gun control legislation should be repealed starting with the 1934 Gun Registration Act.

I can tell you If stopped waving guns in peoples’ faces you would find a much friendlier world…

As a Native Montanan I would also like to add that we also consider people like “Rugged” an ‘accidental death’ just waiting to happen.

“when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back”

…Our Rugged Hero slogs his way across the Montana tundra, armed to the teeth against any eventuality…
His Quest?
To find the secret storehouse of Magic Seeds used to grow Cheetos. He knows well that full control of the Cheetos supply means WORLD DOMINANCE!

“HA HAH! then I can haz the golden goodness of those fluffy puffs all to myselfs” And I can haz Jonah Pantload to do my eevil bidding” “Grovel before Rugged puny humans!” Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Ummm sorry about that. Just hadta.

I watch zombie movies to keep myself in a self-defense state of mind. But then, I’m actually having problems with zombies, so it does help. (Well, okay, but it’s like this: If I have to hallucinate zombies, I’m better off if my subconscious knows I can clobber them, since the zombies are coming from my subconscious–and my meds–in the first place.)

To be perfectly honest, a genuine self-defense state of mind is one where you don’t go near anyone, most especially including people you live with. Because they’re more likely to hurt you than anyone else. And even I’m not that paranoid, and I have something of a history of paranoia.

So the best self-defense state of mind? Don’t be noticed. Be ignored. Don’t fuck people over for fun or profit. Don’t go out of your way to hate people. And for chrissakes, don’t go out of your way to tell people you got mad kung fu skillz or guns or that you keep yourself in a self-defense state of mind. Because assholes often like a challenge.

Then all you have to worry about is zombies.

I think we should leave the wingnuts with their pizzle substitutes alone.

Let one of them sneak up on another one of them to beg for some cheetos, and have the 2nd start blasting the first while at the same time the 1st starts blasting away at the 2nd.

Just pop some popcorn and watch the fun. Just like going to see “Rambo XXI” but without the sticky floor.

when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back

Great. So when you get lost in the wilderness, you can eat it and avoid starvation.

D. Sidhe speaks da TROOF! Frickin’ zombies…

I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation. Sadly, our mindset is now more like The New Feminized Majority in which soft power and discussions are slowly taking the place of the Combat Mind-set.

Fortunately, in a few years people will be able to get Combat Mind-set implants and we can banish the New Feminised Majority forever!

The classic movie here is “Deathwish” starring Charles Bronson. He attracts armed muggers like a porch light attracts moths, quickly reduces the rate of violent muggings in New York City by 50%, then the police politely ask him to leave town (he’s making them look bad). A better movie on a ~ theme is Spaceman .

The classic movie here is “Deathwish” starring Charles Bronson.

Deathwish III. “What the shit?”

Nah. I’m gonna recommend “Into the Night”.

Gotta be one of my favorite movies.

Goldblum handles it all, murderers, smugglers, assassins, madmen and corrupt cops without ever picking up a gun or firing a shot.

In the final armed confrontation he tells the iranian crazy with the gun and the hostage such a depressing tale that the guy kills HIMSELF.

That’s the way you do it, chilluns…

mikey

Gods, don’t come to Eutaw, where gunz are positively worshipped. The Utah lege just finished with most of them slavering over their big manly powerful guns! Many of them carry them openly, and if they don’t, they wear a super special secret decoder pin to show they’re in the girl-haterz club.

Salt Lake Tribune, 3/3/08:

Lapel pin a tip-off to who’s packing heat on The Hill
By Robert Gehrke
The Salt Lake Tribune

The ubiquitous lapel pins that legislators wear can express a lot of things – support for a college, teachers, cancer research, or the troops. One pin – an innocuous looking red oval with a gold six-pointed star in the center – has its own special message: I’m packing a gun.

http://www.sltrib.com//ci_8443335?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib.com

For a long time I had a hard time understanding the obsession with guns in this state, but then I figured this out: in anything you read, substitute the word “penis” for the word “gun,” and it makes perfect sense.

It seems as if Ole Perf and Dr Mrs Old Perf can’t wait for the time when they’re blowing away the hordes of rampaging n—–s from their rooftops.

picture of Ole Perf saving the world: http://members.aol.com/shadoemagic/mgross/tremors13.jpg

Quick IQ test! There has been an apocalyptic disaster. Cities are in ruins. There’s no teevee, no cell phones, no internet, no electric power and no running water. Now for 100% of your final score, the question is: What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?

a.) A gun
b.) A shovel

Death Wish III:

Bennett: They call him “The Giggler”.
Paul Kersey: Jesus, he really moves.

Tulio: They killed the Giggler, man!
Fraker: They had no business doing that. None.

What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?

My laser eyes.

I’d say we go to the Apocalypse with the Cheetos we have, not necessarily the Cheetos we want.

Is the betting open yet on what qualities Saul / Booger / Rugmont will claim for himself when he adopts his next persona? My hunch is that he will be a NSA analyst who spends his working day reading and integrating TSC intercepts between Iran and Hizbollah, giving him special insights into the threats they pose to world peace. I wouldn’t be surprised if he claimed to be a Farsi linguist as well.

A BOOK. This has to be the least self-defense-y thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.

I dunno. I’ve run off a couple ruffians threatening to beat them about the head and kidneys with copies of Godel, Escher, Bach and Mason & Dixon until they spat teeth and pissed blood. A futher thought…all the talk of “effiminate” societies and the “feminization” of societies is just too precious when matched with all the pistol stroking. I mean, I don’t want to think all these yay-hoos are pitiful closet cases, but they make it so tough not too. Smoke a bowl, calm down, and cheer up, it may never happen.

The terminally stupid thing about this statement is that this kind of training doesn’t involve reading a freakin’ book (or watching Red Dawn), it involves confronting peril (and not the good Monty Python and the Holy Grail kind). I strongly doubt DMOP or the rest of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders are up for that kind of rigor.

They should do like Inspector Clousseau and hire oriental manservants to attack them suddenly and without warning. Then they’d be ready to intercept any interlopers trying to get too close to their kitchen countertops.

Is the betting open yet on what qualities Saul / Booger / Rugmont will claim for himself when he adopts his next persona?

I was impressed with Booger’s hospital job; there was a smidge of verisimilitude there.

How about, oh I dunno, an ass-kicking version of BLT? Salt-of-the-Earth struggling musician touring the land, maybe working security at Garth Brooks shows with bar-gigs on the side.

g said,

March 6, 2008 at 21:58

when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back

Great. So when you get lost in the wilderness, you can eat it and avoid starvation.

Sounds like a diet that’s high in iron.

Heh indeedy.

Let me tell you about the only guy I know who has a concealed-carry permit and actually does carry a weapon routinely.

He was working the run of a show at the theatre, and went to dinner on the break between the matinee and the evening show. He came back to work having had a couple of beers, and while trying to find street parking, he got in a little dispute with another driver and pulled his gun on the guy.

Fortunately, the other guy backed off and moved his car. But he watched my friend go into the theatre, so he knew where he worked. And he happened to know someone in management, so he complained and my friend got suspended for a little while.

I told my friend he was fortunate it worked out that way. Otherwise he could have ended up in jail instead.

What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?

Huh huh. He said “tool to have at hand” Beavis. Tool, hand. get it?
guffaw!

Actually end of the world stuff? Well then. Several bottles of really good sippin’ tequila and an obliging babe would set me up fine. I’ll worry about the rest of the crap later if I can. Keep your guns – and shovels too for that matter.

RB,
You do know Bronson and whatshisname made two more sequals to Death Wish, don’t you? That’s a total of five – count ’em, five – flicks where an increasingly decripit Charles Bronson has go out to administer justice in such a manner to give the average glibertarian at least a five-second boner. It’s pretty fucking pitiful, too, especially Death Wish V.

And Bronson spoke out against vigilantism in general and that Goetz cat in particular in the early ’80s. He still kept making them awful movies, though.

Come the collapse of civilisation as we know it, my plan is to become the tribal repository of random information, so the rest of the tribe will shield me from danger.
“So, Clan of the Cave Beer, it seems that confrontation is unavoidable. Then let it be a one-to-one contest. In pedantry. Bring out your champion; for our clan, we have Smut.”

Smut, I think a “random information” cage match would be awesome !

Don’t be noticed. Be ignored. Don’t fuck people over for fun or profit. Don’t go out of your way to hate people. And for chrissakes, don’t go out of your way to tell people you got mad kung fu skillz or guns or that you keep yourself in a self-defense state of mind.
Then all you have to worry about is zombies.

This is also good advice for all the zombies reading this.

Thinking that someone is wrong to read a book on self-defense in their basement because, in your opinion, it’s an “extremely sub-normal” thing to do is the definition of censorship.

“So, Clan of the Cave Beer, it seems that confrontation is unavoidable. Then let it be a one-to-one contest. In pedantry. Bring out your champion; for our clan, we have Smut.”

Ha!

If they love free fire zones, places where the gubmint doesn’t interfere with the g-d given rights and are wet for target rich environments — they should get their libertarian asses to Somalia.

Or Afghanistan.

No gubmint there to tell ’em what to do…

We know, shaun, we know.

White dudes are the Jews of American Fascism. Which is central to your point.

But let me see:

Thinking that someone is wrong to read a book on self-defense in their basement because, in your opinion, it’s an “extremely sub-normal” thing to do is the definition of censorship.

Thinking something is censorship? What planet are you from?

I think you may want to break out the old dictionary and look up the word ‘censorship’. Just sayin’.

Great, now I’m burning away the afternoon hours going through Jeff Cooper’s Commentaries, looking for goodies. For example:

It appears that this baseball player Rocker has stated publically that he dislikes having to ride public transportation in company with scruffies. On this he has been sent to Coventry, where presumably they regularly wash his mouth out with soap. Does anybody really like to ride with scruffies? Social censorship – miscalled “political correctness” – is reaching new lows all the time.

And:

The autumn meeting of the NRA board of directors was refreshingly “upbeat”, considering the peril in which we stand. NRA membership is now well over four million and continues to grow. I think this reflects the mood of the times better than these polls we read about. The head table at Arlington was roundly applauded by the directorate, and exhorted to work twenty-six hours a day from now to November to pull the nation back from the edge of catastrophe. Our financial situation seems more sound than it has been for many years past, and our various propaganda campaigns are producing excellent results. Charlton Heston proposed from the chair that an electoral victory for our adversaries in November will produce a socialist nation in two years – but that victory shall not happen. From where I sit this country has had enough socialism to pass as “socialist” since FDR. Socialism is a lousy idea based on the notion that the state is better able to look after people’s private affairs than they are themselves. Sometimes it seems that, Mr. Lincoln to the contrary, you can fool all of the people all of the time. But perhaps “all” is not necessary. Perhaps “most” is enough. Well, let us pray that the unthinkable will not happen and that we will survive this crisis, as we have survived others from Valley Forge to our defeat in Southeast Asia. Those who attended the meeting at Arlington came away refreshed, despite the strong headwinds and heavy seas we now face. We are now bound to put lesser matters aside and devote all our energies to victory in November.

And, of course, the 9/11 special edition.

t4toby:

don’t blame shaun. shaun is riffing on corby-something or something-corby from yesterday.

He made major contributions to combat pistolcraft (the so-called “Modern Technique”) and to riflery (the “Scout Rifle” concept”).

Thanks, but I’ll stick with the Patton Saber.

I think a “random information” cage match would be awesome !
Trivial Pursuits Deathmatch? Sounds like a concept for a movie. Dibs on Dolph Lundgren for the lead role.

I suspect that Shaun is taking the piss.

t4toby,
Maybe he’s making fun of that thick-headed rascal from yesterday evening. Otherwise it makes no damn sense whatsoever.

Man, that guy was a piece of work. Like trying to argue with my brother when he’s just trying to piss me off by being obtuse and changing the definitions of words.

Let me tell you about the only guy I know who has a concealed-carry permit and actually does carry a weapon routinely.

He was working the run of a show at the theatre, and went to dinner on the break between the matinee and the evening show. He came back to work having had a couple of beers, and while trying to find street parking, he got in a little dispute with another driver and pulled his gun on the guy.

Fortunately, the other guy backed off and moved his car. But he watched my friend go into the theatre, so he knew where he worked. And he happened to know someone in management, so he complained and my friend got suspended for a little while.

I told my friend he was fortunate it worked out that way. Otherwise he could have ended up in jail instead.

I would’ve pressed charges. Probably sued as well. If you don’t get the cops and courts involved, Mr. Little Dick’s still gonna be walking around with his legally concealed piece.

And really, just suspended? Motherfucker boozes up and pulls a gun on someone during a shift break, and all he gets is suspended?

“Some useful bits of information that Cooper provides is that one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him.”

This woman is an academic? No, wait. This woman is an adult? Some useful bits “is”? “One” must train “himself”? Is English her first language?

I need *answers,* damn it.

I think shaun was making fun of one of yesterday’s commenters.

I think.

It is hard to tell sometimes.

Oh, and a closing thought for Rugged:

If you can’t do the job with a stock Colt 1911 with 8 rounds of .45 FMJ & iron sights, you can’t do the job with some glow in the dark plastic wondergun shooting .38 Specials on steroids.

Now don’t get all up in “Rugged in Montana”s grill, he’s probably carrying because he’s fearful he’s gonna run into the Mrs. Ole Perfesser…

By the way Rugged, why dontcha switch to the Glock .45 and a .308, rather than those pussy guns yer totin’?

You do know Bronson and whatshisname made two more sequals to Death Wish, don’t you?

Yeah, but director Michael Winner was ON FIRE for Death Wish III. There was this one crane shot looking down on Ed Lauter as he stands in the middle of the street firing at some off-screen punker/gang member who was high in a building…then Ed does a Bluto Blutarsky kinda shuffle and fires at another off-screen guy on the other side of the street…the whole shot had a kind of palsied ballet feel to it.

Really a good choice to laugh at.

Cooper (from Gavin’s addition):

Considering that a slave trader only made money out of a live slave, this would seem very poor economics, but beyond that it is doubtful if there were six million Negros available in Africa at any one time to be enslaved.

Let alone a ship big enough to carry them all.

Hey, all you Atlantic slave trade scholars. You must now rethink everything you thought you knew about your subject, because the Cooper Thesis changes everything. This is the pioneering argument that posits the forced migration of millions of Africans happened all at once.

quote—>
I hate to ramble, but remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians. The idea being that supposedly the “last days” will be filled with the type of chaos where these sorts of survival skills would be necessary.
endquote—>

I don’t disagree but the logic baffles me. If you seriously believe in the end times, wouldn’t you be bucking for a spot on the Rapture roster? The idea that you believe in the Apocalypse and _also_ believe you’ll be one of those Left Behind is a mystery to me. If I’m a good Christian and the Apocalypse is imminent, don’t I want to hustle up to heaven? Why would I want to remain down here shooting into the shadows?

> Quick IQ test! There has been an apocalyptic disaster. Cities are in ruins. There’s no teevee, no cell phones, no internet, no electric power and no running water. Now for 100% of your final score, the question is: What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?

c) a fully charged electric scooter with Katyusha rockets

I missed that part of yesterday’s comments.

I just saw a really good burn, but it appears I am the one who hath burned myself.

Methinks.

d) Really, really good Herb seeds

Sadly, our mindset is now more like The New Feminized Majority in which soft power and discussions are slowly taking the place of the Combat Mind-set.

I like the fact that she’s thumbing her nose at the same mindset that doesn’t have her barefoot, pregnant and serving drinks to a table full of mindless barbarians to whom she’d be tossed after the meal and likely killed for being distinctly unattractive.

I guess that’s why she doesn’t want to believe in evolution: she’s too ugly to breed under those circumstances. It has to be a MIRACLE!

I missed that part of yesterday’s comments.

The fun begins here.

The fun begins here.

That was pretty funny.

A gun. Then you can make people do the digging for you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Africa
You have to admit, them darkies are pretty good at makin’ babies, if they went from less then 6 million in, say, 1500, to ~900 million now. Prolly like how we went from Adam and Eve, to 6 billion peeps in a mere 6000 years.

sorry I missed it.

Yeah, but director Michael Winner was ON FIRE for Death Wish III.

It’s been years and I can’t remember, but I think it was IV that turned my old man against Bronson. He was a huge, HUGE Charles Bronson fan, because my old man has said maybe two dozen words in the past decade and has been known to whip a bull’s ass. It’s true, I’ve seen him do it. He’s an ex-Marine built like Popeye, nature’s bad-ass and Bronson was an avatar for guys like him.

But we watched Death Wish IV and my old man says, “I ain’t never watchin’ another movie with that son of a bitch in it.” And by God, he ain’t, neither. He quit Clint Eastwood after The Rookie, which was probably for the best. Come to think of it, the old man’s pretty good about jumping off a certain action hero’s train before said hero starts making himself look stupid. Example, my old man has always thought Chuck Norris sucked. Go figure.

You pops is a shark jumping master.

The only reason politicians nowadays even propose gun control legislation is because they are not in fear of losing their jobs and their lives. In the 1790s no politician would have dared to propose gun control legislation because their head would have been blow off! Two more things this nation needs in addition to the repeal of all gun control legislation.

1. We need to enact term limits for members of Congress. That way they won’t sell out their Conservative principles and become corrupted by Washington.

2. We need a Constitutional Amendment recognizing the right of the States to strike down unconstitutional federal laws such as the 1968 Gun Control Act for example.

I’ve lived in some bad neighborhoods. Much worse ones than the idiots being mocked here.

So I do understand a “self-defense” mindset. It’s really about cultivating an awareness of the nearest most likely source of danger. It’s not about carrying a gun, which is really more often than not just going to get you shot when one of the 15 gangbangers you needlessly started an armed battle with finally manages to hit you despite poor aim. And regardless how it turns out, having to move to a new apartment because gangsters want to kill you, well, that’s sort of a hollow victory, ain’t it? So the real trick is to be an unappealing target. And being a fat twitchy honky is a bad start.

But what I really do know is this: if you’re threatening pan-handlers with your keys, you’re doing it wrong.

Holy shite, that censorship thread was a good old fashioned pile-on.

Members of the Senate should be limited to two 6 year terms.

Members of the House should be limited to four 2 year terms.

Pinky-

You should have stopped at ‘1.’.

Pinky should never try to take over the world all by himself.

no gun control hey? Unbelievable.

Tell that to Eve Carson.

If we all had Iron Man suits, people would be a lot more polite, and “parking lot” encounters would be rare.
Also, we could fly…and we’d all have expressionless robot faces Ruppert could relate to, since he’s just an algorithm.
If more liberals had Iron Man suits, I think we’d stop being perceived as “soft” on National Security.

Getting into Reichian body-armour territory there.
Of course Wilhelm Reich’s mistake was to write about physical inflexibility, rigid intra-psychic partitions and a closed mind as if they are bad things.

Rogered in Montana should be limited to 2 comments.

Isn’t Pinky adorable? I’d like a miniature Pinky for the coffee table. He would be quite the conversation piece and he would keep my cat entertained when I’m at work.

t4toby,
That sort of thread is the type that makes me wish I could slap people through the internet. He’s not listening, he’s not gonna listen, just WHAP and move along with everyone’s day.

I feel bad about that.

Yeah, but your cat would keep losing the GI Joe gun strapped to his back.

I feel bad about that.

I felt good about it. It was very very funny. Cheer up. You did fine.

Kinda like a certain troll-like individual with a vendetta against anyone ever associated with a certain third party candidate?

> In the 1790s no politician would have dared to propose gun control legislation because their head would have been blow off!

Did the politicians back then have to use toe-tapping and wide stances in airport bathrooms to get “blow off”?

Not that there’s anything wrong with it…

Nah, I feel bad about wanting slap someone because said person isn’t fucking paying attention no matter how many times you explain fundamental simple concepts to him. Shouldn’t hit people, it isn’t nice. Even if he deserves, is begging for it, saying stupid, dumbass shit and PROUD of his ignorance, like he’s the goddamn boob version of Richard Dawkins, y’know, you could crack a friggin’ book or pay attention in class or actually listen to someone when they take the time to share a thought with you instead of just waiting for your turn to blab your ignorant flap-doodle.

That guy? Shouldn’t slap him, though I want to. Thus, the conflict. I must meditate on this, and by “meditate”, I of course mean “smoke a bowl”.

But you’re right, it was pretty funny.

> Members of the Senate should be limited to two 6 year terms.
> Members of the House should be limited to four 2 year terms.

You’re really missing the boat. Their terms should end when they are first indicted for bribery and/or influence peddling.

This way any repig who manages to get in office will be out of our hair within a month or two.

‘I don’t disagree but the logic baffles me. If you seriously believe in the end times, wouldn’t you be bucking for a spot on the Rapture roster?’

Good point, but I believe that while the really nasty stuff happens after that there will still be some thrashing about by society beforehand. Perhaps it inspires something of a “devil-may-care” attitude; I don’t have to worry about what I do on earth ’cause I’ve been “saved”. Whatever the case may be, certain sects of Christianity seem to be on a crash course with widespread militarism. You may get bonus points at the final judgment if you can bring Jesus back sooner than he’d otherwise planned; at least that seems to be the thinking of Hagee et. al.

The modern “conservative” mind is littered with all sorts of contradictions, so perhaps there is no logic because it’s not required. Whatever it is, it seems that the militia movement which got a fair amount of attention during the Clinton years has melded with a mutant form of Christianity to form part of the current Republican “base”, Hagee being an example of someone who’s cleverly merged the two (or, rather, taken that torch and run with it).

I used to be on the mailing list for a mercenary company (it was free to sign up, so I did), and the president of the company would, from time to time, write screeds about these sorts of things. I can almost guarantee that Blackwater and the like are run by guys with a similar mindset, a combination of Christian theology and (one of) the devil’s professions. It’s scary that they have any sort of power, let alone immunity to basically do what they want in Iraq. If nothing else, I hope a Democratic President cuts these guys loose so they can go shoot at stumps in the woods, instead of forming an integral part of our Iraq strategy.

It was actually waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before we even became human, or hominid, or primates, or even mammals for God’s sake! that animals “figured out” (by trial and error, where error = extinction) that fighting all the time was really not very good for the survival of the species. They established mechanisms of dominance and cooperation. Just occasionally these dominance mechansims result in one animal killing another (usually male, in mammals), but most of the time they can guess which one is going to win and avoid damaging each other too much.

I would take from this that your average wingnut has less survival ability than, say, your average naked mole rat.

Ah, I see we belong to the same dojo.

t4toby,
Man, don’t whistle that goofiness up. You know it don’t take much and there is absolutely no sense in kicking a dog that’s finally stopped barking, if only for the time being. Dig?

I don’t disagree but the logic baffles me. If you seriously believe in the end times, wouldn’t you be bucking for a spot on the Rapture roster? The idea that you believe in the Apocalypse and _also_ believe you’ll be one of those Left Behind is a mystery to me. If I’m a good Christian and the Apocalypse is imminent, don’t I want to hustle up to heaven? Why would I want to remain down here shooting into the shadows?

Ah, that would be due to the rift between the pre-millenarians and the post-millenarians. Some folks believe that the saints will all be whisked away at the beginning, some say that they have to wait until Jesus comes back on his flaming horse, some say it might be somewhere in the middle. There is also a lively debate over the extent to which Christians can alter the timing and severity of events but I won’t bore you with the silly details.

Five of Diamonds said,
Training for self defense by reading a book.
Supporting a military by blogging.

Saving your soul by owning a bible.

> I used to be on the mailing list for a mercenary company (it was free to sign up, so I did), and the president of the company would, from time to time, write screeds about these sorts of things. I can almost guarantee that Blackwater and the like are run by guys with a similar mindset, a combination of Christian theology and (one of) the devil’s professions.

You need go no further than forbes magazine for similar insane contradiction. Every issue has a page filled with pithy quotes, usually headlined with a Biblical quote. As for the rest of the magazine, the short version is

“War good. Money good. Non-millionaires and non-white people bad.”

Oh, yeah, forgot something from earlier in the thread. The whole idea Andrew had about what happened to all the millenium nuts and rapture loons who were banking on the world ending on January 1, 2000 and it didn’t, so what happened to them. Yeah. Anyhow, I kept up with that stuff in the ’90s – spurned by the reading of a book by Hal Lindsey, think it was, that predicted the world would end in, like, ’83 or thereabouts, so there ya go – and I noticed that most of those cats sort of shyed away from nailing down the turn of the millenium as the End Of Teh World. Most of your New Age froot loops have gravitated towards the imminent eschaton/end of the Mayan calender/Time Wave Zero/re-emergence into the photonic cloud/what have you that’s supposed to happen on Dec. 22, 2012. And I say why not.

Most of the Christian snickerdoodles just gave up on numbers all together, though one of my thumper cousins did claim that because of various hitches in the get-along, the calender was all wonky and, thusly, 2000 wasn’t quite two-thousand actual years after the big J.C.’s birthday. And thus, by the logic that apparently prevailed, the world would only end 2000 years after the Swingin’ Nazz was born and because of the screw-up – and, no doubt, the Devil ’cause that’s what he does – it’d be like 2003 or 2007 when the world ended.

I oughta give that cousin a call and ask him about that. He’s an asshole, though, and wants me to form a record label with him, so nuts to that.

Watch your 6, Dhalgren!

No politician in 1790 would have dared to come up with a mandatory seatbelt laws. Sure you may say that’s because automobiles didn’t exist then, but I tend to think it’s because the Founding Fathers were worried about wrinkling the dress shirts of commuters 200 years in the future.

I once heard someone say that John McVain was a war hero, but someone else said he actually had no command, lost his plane and gave the VC everything they asked for which shows that he was a traitor and coward. Really! I heard people say those things! And I’m going to choose one of those things to believe, so then it’ll be true…to me. So then I’ll talk at you like you have to believe it, too, and get paid for it.

How do these people get academic positions and have books published?

There was no bigger nanny state than very early America, where the Puritans etc. distrusted human nature so much that they thought people had to be controlled every minute.

Wingers say regulation is fascist, then do whatever the pastor/priest/snake handler tells them to do, no matter how intrusive.

I’m digging right now, Matt.

Cool, man. I don’t want to be a hard-ass, but Christ, am I tired of that particular sore tooth. Twenty years from now, old geezers will be hollering back and forth “You voted for Nader!” “Well, the DNC sold us out!” “Where’s my pudding!” and I have just flat had it.

And since the 14th Amendment applies our Bill of Rights to the State governments, no State, County or Local government has the right to enact gun control legislation either. Not that they would have that right regardless because most of the State Constitutions recognize the Right to Bear Arms as well.

I know some guys from rural East Tennessee. Fat, relatively wealthy, arrogant SOB’s encountering one in an isolated place probably wouldn’t get much benefit from their self-defense mindset. However, the realization that there is risk in such an encounter is not misplaced.

14th amendment, huh? How about the pi amendment?

Pie.
I
like
a
peach
blueberry
or
banana
cream
and
lemon
meringue
raspberry
rhubarb
mincemeat
pie
in
sky
apple a la
mode
cherry
or
humble
shoo
fly
pie
mulberry
mud
or
pumpkin
chocolate
pecan

oh
ruin your
appetite

by Lorreen Pelletier

Song to Pie
by Roy Blount, Jr.

Pie.
Oh my.
Nothing tastes sweet,
Wet, salty and dry
All at once so well as pie.
Apple and pumpkin and mince and black
bottom,
I’ll come to your place every day if
you’ve got ’em.
Pie.

Where’s My Pudding?

> And since the 14th Amendment applies our Bill of Rights to the State governments, no State, County or Local government has the right to enact gun control legislation either. Not that they would have that right regardless because most of the State Constitutions recognize the Right to Bear Arms as well.

I feel very strongly on this issue. Any state that doesn’t allow me to have all the guns, mortars, missiles, tanks, and sharpened toothpicks I want is one that is most certainly un-Constitutional.

Carrying firearms is a sure way to reduce violent crime. In my home State of Montana there is hardly any violent crime because the criminals know we will shoot them dead.

There are hardly any burglaries in Montana either, and when there are the burgalar usually ends up leaving the armed citizen’s home in a body bad, which is the way it should be my friends.

In the Gospels Jesus said ” A strongman when fully armed sucessfully guards all his possesions.”

If Dr. Helen wants a fight, she should keep using phrases like “confronted with a mortal confrontation” around English majors.

Wasn’ the that dude who said give away everything you own and follow me?

I don’t think he meant to the gun store.

By the way—

When a strong man fully armed guards his palace, his possessions are safe. But when one stronger than he attacks and overcomes him, he takes away the armor on which he relied and distributes the spoils. Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. Luke 11: 21-23

Note that the strong, armed man’s precautions were for nothing.

> Carrying firearms is a sure way to reduce violent crime. In my home State of Montana there is hardly any violent crime because the criminals know we will shoot them dead.

This is true. Look at Japan. They have hardly any crime, and every one of them carries a …. oops, gun ownership is close to non-existent there.

Anyway, I bet they all carry reallllllly big (like 12 foot long) samurai swords!

See? All you need is lots of fear and a vivid phallic-centric imagination to be a wingnut.

It really chaps my hide to see people use the bible to argue against Jesus’ teachings. Isn’t lying a sin? Isn’t lying about Jesus’ Word an even bigger sin?

See you in Hell, Rug.

Sorry, t4toby. I was gonna throw in a “The fact is..” but I didn’t want to violate copyright.

I love when people use JC’s words outta context.

It makes the baby Jesus cry.

You are right, Japan has very little violent crime and no right to gun ownership. Only at the price of a virtual police state!

In Japan the police can arbitrarilly search anyone house for any reason and can detain citizens permenantly without cause. Of course Japan has hardly any street crime, neither did Nazi Germany!

We here in America would never meekly hand over our God given liberties like the Japanese sheeple have!

Note that the strong, armed man’s precautions were for nothing.

Also that the strong man is Satan.

Ha! I missed that part. I always skip over the jesus/satan smack-downs. It’s not like Satan’s gonna win.

> In the Gospels Jesus said ” A strongman when fully armed sucessfully guards all his possesions.”

Yeah, but later he says:

“It is not possible for anyone to go into the strong man’s house and take it (or him) by force, unless he bind his hands; then he will plunder his house.”

Jesus was prescient enough to know about McGyver and his ability to untangle himself when tied up by crooks.

The fact is, the fact is.

Jesus was totally in favour of getting bigger guns and going next door and wrecking the other guy’s shit.

From this date, the value of ? for official purposes shall be taken as John 3.1416.

We here in America would never meekly hand over our God given liberties like the Japanese sheeple have!

I call parody troll.

> You are right, Japan has very little violent crime and no right to gun ownership. Only at the price of a virtual police state!

No, it’s because of the reallllllly big samurai swords that every one of them carry! Just like the crime rate in Montana is due to guns.

I’m just using your own version of logic. In attempting to rebut my point you actually rebutted your OWN point.

In other words, you’re pwned.

St. Luke ch 22:35-37 “And He said unto them, When I sent you without purse and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said nothing. Then said He unto them, But now he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip:and he that hath no sword let him sell his garment and buy one.”

Jesus knowing that He was about to be arrested and crucified commanded His disciples arm themselves for self defense. You see in those days travel between villiages was dangerous as there were bandits and robbers called highwaymen. He knew that without Him there to protect them they would need to arm themselves.

I weave a lethal net of baked goods that few can escape!

Who cares what happened back then. What does that have to do with now, Pinky?

O/T Warning:

This is so many shades of wrong.

My point is that gun control is not only unconstitutional it is also unbiblical.

Jesus was totally in favour of getting bigger guns and going next door and wrecking the other guy’s shit.

Oh crap. Turns out I might be a christian after all.

Dammit…

mikey

50: And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him.
51: And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest’s, and smote off his ear.
52: Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
53: Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?

I bet pinky always wanted to be a Lumberjack!

Is Rogered in Montana now going to argue against the Preznit’s Protect America program to illegally spy on US citizens? I await with breathless anticipation.

> My point is that gun control is not only unconstitutional it is also unbiblical.

I read in the Bible that semi-automatics are OK as long as their magazine holds less than 30 rounds. LOOK AT THIS:

Luke 30:12-13: “Saith the Lord, you shall make your autoloader rounds no bigger than 15 grams.

To doeth so will jammeth the barrel, unless thou useth the Holy Gun Oil.

Amen”

My point is that gun control is not only unconstitutional it is also unbiblical.

Who the fuck cares what’s “biblical” or not?

My point is that gun control is not only unconstitutional it is also unbiblical.

OK, I concede, he’s a parody troll.

hmm… a beer vs. discussion of an interpretation of individual rights to bear arms based on an 11th century English legal precedent. Notice that the English no longer have the need to wank on their Uzis.

correction: 12th century

I can’t find my glasses. Does that say Buggered in Montana? Is this some sort of Savage Love open thread?

OK, I concede, he’s a parody troll.

Are you serious? Why do I always fall for it?

I was looking at that quack “Dr. Helen” blog site, and one of her previous posts is about the danger hybrids have for pacemaker-wearing people. Obviously trying to discredit anything green.

Lo and behold, the post she references only mentions the effects of the SMART KEY of the car on pacemakers.

She didn’t read the post she referenced!

Who says wingnuts are mental cases? There is absolutely NO EVIDENCE for it!

LOL

Why do I always fall for it?

Falling for the fake stupid when the real stupid abounds is wholly understandable.

We here in America would never meekly hand over our God given liberties like the Japanese sheeple have!

***

But one day the real stupid may run out. Hard to believe, but it may. That’s why your tax dollars are subsidising the development of sustainably-sourced environmentally-friendly fake stupid.

My point is that gun owners are not only incontinent but also umbilical.

Incontinent and umbilical?

In Seattle, we call that a steady stream.

Again, I’d just like to note that Rugged’s parody is again advocating the murder of politicians.

Just thought that needs pointing out.

Again.

Buggered in Mantuna has sold me. But I’ve been away from the gun scene for so many years I dunno what to buy. What did Jesus carry? I’ll just get one of those.

J— said,

The fun begins here.

This is what happens when you can only read and post at S,N! when you’re not at your borg.

You have to back to hell work just when teh fun breaks out.

Actually, thunder, I don’t own a computer. So I’m only around when I’m at the office.

Weird, huh?

What did Jesus carry?

I’m not sure, but why not a self portrait?

mikey

Me likey!!!!! I want want want one!

The fact is, whatever.

t4toby said,

Weird, huh?

I used to be able to post from work, but then a memo was passed around that no one should be going to these sites (Atrios, S,N! etc.) and they were all blocked.

Scary thing is, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who was the GUILT party.

Think I needs a new borg.

I think this might be more fun

I heartily recommend this book for Jeff Cooper to clear up why slaves dying on the middle passage was no big deal.

http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9780822335962-1

Think I needs a new borg.

This could help ya.

Looks a bit wacky, but it works.

Gavin haz just posted the

Best

Video

Ever!

Paul the Samurai said, March 7, 2008 at 2:12

But one day the real stupid may run out. Hard to believe, but it may. That’s why your tax dollars are subsidising the development of sustainably-sourced environmentally-friendly fake stupid.

They should team up with the Hydrogen Conservancy Corp!

I have a whole bunch of guns. But I only shoot target with them and I imagine them in the same why I imagine old scottish swords hung above the mantle piece. Useless for anything utilitarian but neat to look at and handle.

I much prefer civilized society, a comfortable house, a warm bed, food in my belly, easily available liquor, and all the other fantastic perks of modern life over any imaginable post-apocalyptic scenario.

Folks like DMOP puzzle me.

It’s a kind of perverted egotism, isn’t it, to think that you’re the object of everyone’s attention and that they all envy you enough to want to harm you?

It’s like those folks who get all paranoid when some people near them are speaking a language they don’t understand, Why, they just have to be discussing meeeeeeee . . . We actually had some customers at a local grocery store try to strongarm the store into making the many Bosnian immigrants who work there speak only English when at work. Fortunately, this store is in a very liberal part of town – some of the liberals who shop there being well-connected wealthy lawyers and politicians – and those people rightly fired back, and the Bosnians got to keep speaking their native tongue. I like to hear the Bosnian workers laughing and talking together, and apparently the majority of customers agreed. I am very happy because it’s the only grocery near me and if they’d instituted English Only I would have had to find another store.

PeeJ I listened to that Laura Ingraham thing at the General’s place. Holy crap, that woman is batshit insane and hateful. Um, I have to say here that I’ve never listened to her show . . . or any right wing radio show. I wonder if there’s any way I could get past her screeners so I could announce that on air. That would be fun!

I’d add that the only radio I ever listen to is NPR, and furthermore, I know why the caged bird sings! Maybe I could make her pop a blood vessel.

I’d add that the only radio I ever listen to is NPR

I heard the Laura Ingraham clip on NPR! On Harry Shearer’s “Le Show.”

I hearts me some Harry Shearer.

NPR is OK until you listen to All Things Considered or Morning Edition. They bring in some of the worst conservative morons possible to provide commentary, and the hosts are just incredibly smug DC types. Can’t listen to it any more.

The fact is, I fully support being able to spy on terrorists. Who wouldn’t, except their fans and supporters? Like liberals?

‘kay. But what’s WRONG with getting a warrant, Gary?

It worked with Al Capone.

It worked with Ted Kazinsky.

It worked with Gotti.

What’s the problem?

Where’s the shortcoming of the fourth amendment?

mikey

You’re not spying on terrorists, gairy. The government is spying on you.

And in January it will be Hillary Clinton spying on you.

She’ll see you in the shower. On the toilet. Watching tv. On the computer.

She’s looking at you right now!

I have copy of “The Art of the Rifle”. Is thin book. Very thin book.

NPR is OK until you listen to All Things Considered or Morning Edition. They bring in some of the worst conservative morons possible to provide commentary, and the hosts are just incredibly smug DC types. Can’t listen to it any more.

Yeah, one major hitch in the relationship between me and the GF is that she listens to it religiously. I keep trying to convince her that it’s highly overrated.

But they are Nice Polite Republicans!

The fact is, I fully support spying on right-wing domestic terrorists who support murdering politicians with the use of force and/or violence, utilizing the warrents as set forth in the U.S. Constitution and the living documententation which follows.

Who wouldn’t except its fans and collaborators? Like Gary/Rugged/Saul/Booger/Kevin/Ira?

She’ll see you in the shower. On the toilet. Watching tv. On the computer.
And from now on, Gary, stop playing with yourself.

Yeah Gary, it wouldn’t hurt to shower more than two times a week either.

And furthermore, we’ve all agreed that you need to stop doing that thing to the dog. It’s disgusting and unsanitary.

Bah, keep your guns and shovels. When the shit hits the fan, all I want is a Gibson hollow-body guitar and a really sharp katana…

http://imdb.com/title/tt0118736/

And a socket wrench.

And maybe, if it’s not too much to ask, an accordion?

mikey

I think I could probably survive with one saucepan, a spoon, and a flat-bladed screwdriver.

I’m staying with my first choice. With a gun, I can take all your stuff, and make g cook for me. Which seems likely to taste better than my cooking.

It just means that they divide the world up into ‘Might Be Rampaging At Some Point’ and ‘Might Be Blowing Away The Rampagers’. That’s a clarifying thought.

D. Sidhe is right; there’s a third category: ‘Going to Stand on the Battlements, Yell “YOU CAN’T SCARE ME, RAMPAGING HORDES!”, And Get Their Fat Heads Blown Off Before the Opening Credits’. This is, of course, the category into which most of Mrs. Doctor the Professor’s readership will fall. Some people don’t realize the Darwin Awards are *not* something that looks good on your resume.

As for the Random Information Cage Match, I thought that was the whole purpose of this blog, yes?

And if I’m playing the ‘one post-apocalyptic tool’ game, I’m going with a really sturdy can opener. Few things are so annoying as being stranded in the ruins of a mighty civilization and not being able to take advantage of the warehouses full of canned goods. But I promise to share my can opener, especially if G or Mikey will help cook the contents, ‘kay?

Also, ‘herb’ seeds would be nice, but for real bargaining value, I’m sticking with tomato seeds. Almost everybody loves a nice home-grown tomato, and they’re a more palatable source of Vitamin C than cabbage, rose hips, or dandelion greens, which I remember as the main sources for our Northern European ancestors…

If the apocalypse comes, I want, as my tool, a glasses-repair kit.

Burgess Meredith and everybody can come to me once they get done screaming, “it’s not fair, there was time now!” And they can pay me in shovels, guns, saucepans or can openers.

Suckers.

[…] to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees. Sadly, No! » Bl0gs-4-P4r4n01dz   « We must, I repeat MUST find a way to defeat McCain, if for no other reason than […]

The latest from Dr. Demented:

Helen said…

dhalgren,

What’s with the obsession of the Sadly No guy with my blog? He frequently links here–not sure why but surely he has better things to do. All he’s doing is raising my traffic (although lowering the discussion of the comment section–maybe that is his purpose?). You can tell him I appreciate the traffic but if I were him, I would give up the links, it only feeds my sitemeter.

If the apocalypse comes, I want, as my tool, a glasses-repair kit.

Patkin, I never could figure out Burgess Meredith’s problem. I mean, I can’t talk on the phone if I’m not wearing my glasses, but I have no trouble *reading* without them — as long as I can get the page within six inches of my face. Maybe if I were farsighted, and my arms weren’t long enough?

*Hides Black & Decker Belgian Waffle Maker under his shirt and walks pass Anne Laurie, g and Mikey*

*Stuffs Delonghi Electric Moka Espresso Maker down his pants and saunters by*

Nobody pays for stuff with guns. I wouldn’t pay for your glasses repair kit with a gun. I’d just show you my gun and demand the kit. After that, I’d gouge everybody who wanted to use it, and then use my gun to make them give me anything else they had.

Hey, I’m channeling my inner John Stossel here.

Few things are so annoying as being stranded in the ruins of a mighty civilization and not being able to take advantage of the warehouses full of canned goods.
— Or in a boat.

Then we looked for the knife to open the tin with. We turned out everything in the hamper. We turned out the bags. We pulled up the boards at the bottom of the boat. We took everything out on to the bank and shook it. There was no tin-opener to be found.

Then Harris tried to open the tin with a pocket-knife, and broke the knife and cut himself badly; and George tried a pair of scissors, and the scissors flew up, and nearly put his eye out. While they were dressing their wounds, I tried to make a hole in the thing with the spiky end of the hitcher, and the hitcher slipped and jerked me out between the boat and the bank into two feet of muddy water, and the tin rolled over, uninjured, and broke a teacup.

Then we all got mad. We took that tin out on the bank, and Harris went up into a field and got a big sharp stone, and I went back into the boat and brought out the mast, and George held the tin and Harris held the sharp end of his stone against the top of it , and I took the mast and poised it high up in the air, and gathered up all my strength and brought it down.

It was George’s straw hat that saved his life……

D Sidhe: A gun. Then you can make people do the digging for you.

Only until you go to sleep.

Who sleeps? It’s 4 AM and I haven’t slept in days.

Admittedly in another couple of days I will crash hard for several hours, and my partner has, believe me, mentioned that I’m an idiot for staying awake like this because if the apocalypse comes down and everybody becomes zombie vampire werewolf Jehovah’s Witnesses or whatever, I’m gonna regret not being fresh for it. But my partner snores loud enough to keep even the truly insane awake, and I’m insomniac by nature, not to mention by medication, so I guess it’s a risk I just have to take.

O/T: The Carlyle Group is getting hit hard by Bush’s economic mess, like everyone else. It’s just funnier when it happens to Poppy’s private equity firm.

Carlyle Capital said yesterday it had failed to meet margin calls, prompting creditors to seek immediate repayment. Started by David Rubenstein in 1987, Carlyle increased its mortgage holdings last year, selling $300 million of shares in Carlyle Capital. The fund used leverage to buy about $22 billion of AAA rated mortgage debt issued by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Heh.

link

> Only until you go to sleep.

Yes, it appears the best simulation of the Apocolypto world the wingnuts are so obsessed with might well be Treasure Of The Sierra Madre.

The protagonists have such obvious analogies to the characters as well:

Tim Holt is the reasonable Liberal, Bogie is the crazed nutcase fucked up wingnut.

Guess who lives.

I’ll cook for D. Sidhe if she will protect me from the zombies. I make a mean lasagna. There will also be potatoes.

What’s with the obsession of the Sadly No guy with my blog? He frequently links here–not sure why but surely he has better things to do. All he’s doing is raising my traffic (although lowering the discussion of the comment section–maybe that is his purpose?). You can tell him I appreciate the traffic but if I were him, I would give up the links, it only feeds my sitemeter.

Lady, the S,N! proprietors link to you for the same reason people slow down to look at a car wreck.

Since I already have a significant stash of booze and handtools, I’m now stocking up on coffee, cigarettes, butane lighters, ibuprofen and high-DEET-content bug spray – for barter. This last is critical if you want to survive the rampaging hordes of blackflies and ticks.

Then let it be a one-to-one contest. In pedantry. Bring out your champion; for our clan, we have Smut.

AUNTIE ENTITY: Take them to… Pedantodome!
CHANTING CROWD OF POST-APOCALYPTIC SCRUFFS: Two men enter! One man leaves! Two men enter! One man leaves!
SMUT: Well, unless one or both of the contestants is a woman or a child, of course, which is perfectly possible. The rules of Pedantodome are gender-blind.
CHANTING CROWD: Two competitors enter! One competitor leaves! Two competitors enter! One competitor leaves!
SMUT: …and, of course, by definition the person leaving the Pedantodome wouldn’t be a competitor any more, because he would have won the Pedantodome contest…
CHANTING CROWD: Two persons enter! One person leaves!…
SMUT:…unless, of course, the contest had ended early, either because one party had decided to cede the match, in which case both would leave…
CHANTING CROWD: Two persons enter! Some or all of them leave!
SMUT: … or in the unlikely but technically possible case in which both competitors succumb, while in the Dome, to the dreaded deadly Post-Apocalyptic Lurgi (epizootic staggers or Costner’s Disease), in which case neither of them would leave, and, in fact, the Pedantodome itself would have to be burned down to prevent the lurgi spreading…

She’s looking at you right now!

And laughing.

…and high-DEET-content bug spray – for barter. This last is critical if you want to survive the rampaging hordes of blackflies and ticks.

Are you kidding? The ticks will have mutated into dog-sized pack predators and the blackflies can decapitate you in a single blow of their razor-edged wings.

You’re really going to want area defoggers, for that.

Me, personally, I want duct tape. Not only is it your own personal Force (has a light side and a dark side and binds the Universe together), but you can use it to strap down the local wingnuts and glibertarians (don’t forget the all-important swatch over the mouth!) before they drive you up a tree.

Per Rugged: Carrying firearms is a sure way to reduce violent crime. In my home State of Montana there is hardly any violent crime because the criminals know we will shoot them dead.

There are hardly any burglaries in Montana either, and when there are the burgalar usually ends up leaving the armed citizen’s home in a body bad, which is the way it should be my friends.

There are, of course, the accidents like occurred yesterday where a 21 year old in Kalispell shot his girlfriends 18 month old baby in the head.

http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2008/03/07/news/local/news02.txt

Reports say he was “tracking” the infant in the sights, when the firearm discharged.

That’s all well and good NCiM, but given his posting history I’m sure that “Pinky” gets an erection imagining the penetration damage a 9mm round inflicts upon an infant’s skull.

“Boom! Headshot!” ::fap, fap, fap::

Oh,great. Now if Rucked in MT doesn’t show up for a few days, we’ll all be wondering if he ‘accidentally’ shoots babies in the head.

Why wonder? Live the dream, Anne! Live the quiet spell from Rugged dream!

Wack in Montana

Oh, and Smut Clyde? Mad propz for the Jerome K. Jerome!

DMOP seems to think that her Shitemeter numbers… matter.

Oh, DMOP: the rampaging hordes will not care about your visits-per-day. Nor will they stop you from being a twit.

For more of this madness, consult the highly intellectual and knowledgable commentorship at Little Green (z0mG, t3h m00slams R cumming!!1!one1!) Footballs.

Urgh, kind of messed up my URL up there ^^^