Clinical Evidence That Antipsychotics and Chocolate Don’t Mix
The passion, death and resurrection of St. Billibus Buckleyitimus have, it would appear, finally sent K-Lo completely over the edge. I say this because, over at America’s Shittiest Website™, she is espousing a conspiracy theory that puts “Stephen King killed John Lennon” and the “Years 641 to 911 AD never happened” theorists to shame. K-Lo has decided that Hillary Clinton knows that she’s going to lose and is secretly supporting John McCain so that she can be a Senate star and run again in 2012:
My conspiracy-theory analysis: The Clinton campaign did not release that [“It’s 3 am”] ad for the sake of Clinton 2008. It is to defeat Obama, for sure. But not now.
Hillary knows she’s going down. They issued that ad because they want McCain to win. She thinks she can be a star in the Senate, leader of the Democratic party when he loses. So the commercial is her gift to John McCain. She’s got her eye on 2012.
This wasn’t a joke. She’s still humping this theory in a second post.
Further evidence for my 3 A.M. theory: Here’s Hillary:
But before leaving, to insert herself into the day’s news coverage, she held a quick media availability at the Hilton and provided this unusually concise capsule comment for reporters, including The Times’ Louise Roug:
“I think that I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. Sen. John McCain has a lifetime of experience that he’d bring to the White House. And Sen. Obama has a speech he gave in 2002.”
Save for, say, a blood promise that the first SCOTUS seat in an Obama administration is hers, Hillary Clinton’s second choice is McCain.
Further evidence for this theory are the radio transmissions that Chelsea Clinton is beaming at K-Lo and which K-Lo can hear through radio transmitters secretly implanted by Vince Foster in the fillings in her teeth. Also Hillary Rodham Clinton is a secretly-coded anagram for “Mcain Lady Thrill Honor” and “Mcain Load Thrill Horny” which pretty much proves K-Lo’s point beyond all doubt.
Gavin adds: Say, remember that too-clever-by-half wingnut plot, a few weeks ago, to punish McCain by supporting Hillary — the one where nobody could figure out what manipulative trick, specifically, they were trying to pull on their readers and listeners? Welp, it looks like K-Lo has fallen down a wee little hole partly of her own contrivance.
In her case, the Holy Trinity consists of Fat, Ugly and Stupid.
Damn, I didn’t leave room for “deranged.”
I expected her to crack before this, although I thought she would throw herself on the mummified corpse of Buckley and promise him her virginity if he would only rise from the dead.
…”if he would only rise from the dead.”
If you know what I’m talkin about.
I’ll tell you one thing about K-Lo’s theory that isn’t nutty at all–Hillary thinks McCain would make a better president than Obama. She said so herself.
I really don’t mind Hillary saying whatever she thinks she has to in order to win the nomination. That’s politics. But why does she feel she has to help the Republicans?
Hmm. I dunno. Maybe.
But I’m still looking for the part of this analysis that doesn’t make sense, or that is obviously false…
mikey
Hmm, I dunno. Maybe.
But I’m still looking for the part of this analysis that doesn’t make sense, or is obviously false…
mikey
…”if he would only rise from the dead.”
If you know what I’m talkin about.
…And I think you do.
K-Lo: Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been 13 hours and 45 minutes since my last confess—
Priest: Kathryn Jean, is that you? Young lady, you have to actually sin again before you go to confession. I’m not a video game you know.
K-Lo: —ion. Father, you’re not supposed to interrrupt. My mother said it makes Baby Jesus cry.
Priest: Your mother is a fine woman, Kathryn Jean, but perhaps a little to exactly in her adherence to dogma.
K-Lo: Father!
Priest: (hastily) You were sinning, you said?
K-Lo: Yes Father. I went to funeral today and I was overcome by lust, mostly of a political nature which is probably just a venal sin, but also of a carnal nature which is probably a cardinal sin, right, Father? At least that’s what Sister—
Priest: I’m sorry, my dear, you said you were at a wedding and overcome by lust?
K-Lo: No, Father, a funeral. (Loudly) F-U-N-E-R-A-L.
Priest: (heavily) Perhaps you’d better explain.
When did SCOTUS judgeships stop being awarded to skilled and knowledgeable justices, and start turning into candy-grams you send every washed up Pol who walks through the front door?
“Rick Santorum would make a good SCOTUS judge!”
“Bill Clinton would make a good SCOTUS judge!”
“Maybe we can squeeze Dick Cheney on the panel!”
“MACACA FOR SCOTUS AS SOON AS SOMEONE ELSE KICKS THE BUCKET!”
God damnit, people. Do you have to turn every political position into a Presidential glory hole?
Wow, that’s a big ol’ lump o’ crazy! And I mean yelling at traffic, the-street-signs are-out-to-get-me crazy.
I had no idea re: the ‘Stephen King / Firestarter / Mark David Chapman / Nixon /Reagan / Time/ Newsweek’ connection even existed, let alone someone was driven enough to put out an e-book about it…cranks like that are worth reading. Not just for the entertainment value, but also for exhibiting in large form what all humans are capable of – bending all facts until they fit something that validates us, that we want to believe.
Oh good grief!
Apparently, K-Lo hasn’t heard of Ted Kennedy or the fact that Democrats almost always put up a credible opposing candidate to an incumbent Democratic President, simply because Democrats have a nasty habit of NOT getting re-elected, Bill Clinton being one of the exceptions…
“I really don’t mind Hillary saying whatever she thinks she has to in order to win the nomination. That’s politics. But why does she feel she has to help the Republicans?”
This has really been the last straw for me. I voted for Obama in the primaries, and good help me I’ll still vote for Hillary over McCain…but she would rather the Democratic party lose than have someone other than her win. And to be blunt, that’s just fucked up.
I want to see McCain pick Hillary for his running mate. Come on people! Let’s make it interesting!
I mean, here’s a nice fun 190-proof shot of pure distilled crazy, mixed with an interesting snapshot of Time’s letters-to-the-editor page from 1980.
http://www.lennonmurdertruth.com/killersname.asp
Where else are you going to see something like this?
That’s funny. You think K-Load Nine is on medication.
Now I gotta go. Susan of Texas made me blow a potato chip out of my nose and my co-workers are reaching for the nets and cattle prods…
Chuck Norris.
Or Condi Rice. See how colorblind they really are.
Re your item title: Fuck if they don’t. You ever *try* antipsychotics? Chocolate’s pretty often the only thing that keeps me from drugging myself into a Ny-Quil stupor for the first eight hours after each dose.
I don’t have a problem with Clinton talking about her experience and how it stacks up with McCain’s. What I’m getting antsy to hear Obama do already is question, pointedly, what Clinton’s vaunted experience truly consists of. His counterattack is always that he has better judgment, that he has experience in public service, etc., but I think it’s overdue for him to grapple with the subject of _Clinton’s_ experience.
Where have I heard about this before?
How apropos.
Yeah, that’s some Comedy Gold, Susan.
Did you happen to get raised Catholic?
Just askin’.
Pissed at the Hillary for poisoning the well? You thought all along she’s in politics for the good of the party? Perhaps you should borrow some tin foil from from Klo Pez.
You can’t have a Funeral without “Fun”
OT: A smidgen of good news: Wingnut canned
http://www.ibabuzz.com/politics/2008/03/03/melanie-morgan-canned-from-ksfo/
Melanie Morgan — the conservative radio talk show host who chairs Move America Forward, the group which has led efforts to shame and boycott Berkeley for its anti-U.S. Marine Corps recruiting stand — has lost her job at KSFO 560 AM.
…
She’ll continue writing her weekly column for the news website World Net Daily; serving as an analyst on various television news programs; and working as a conservative activist leader, she said.
t4toby, yes I was. I thought it was pretty interesting even though it didn’t make a lot of sense.
I was a skeptical child.
The only way I could tell is that I know nothing about the whole ‘Catholic’ thing, and you seemed to have it nailed.
I think you should do K-Lo more. Maybe like The Advenetures of a 39 Year Old Virgin or something?
When you look at who is managing Clinton’s campaign and the stuff they’re saying, I don’t really find it all that hard to believe that they’re taking a scorched earth policy towards Obama. They seem extremely willing to torpedo his electability in the general election. Sad to say this but I’m half with K-Lo on this one, but I’d asign the blame on the gawdawful advice she’s getting from her staff. I personally hope that Obama runs the table today and Clinton’s managers all find themselves looking for new jobs by the end of the week.
Sorry, nothing witty to add to this today (Descartes walks into a bar… has already been used twice in the last week).
MAOI anti-depressants plus chocolate = Do Not Want.
[/public health announcement]
I thought chocolate was an MAOI inhibitor.
That’s why those mushroom chocolates are so damn sparkle-y !
Here’s an older episode I posted somewhere. Please forgive the reposting; a link just goes to a blank page.
Scene: Break room of “The Corner”
K-Lo enters and goes straight to the refrigerator, opening the door and peering within. Inside we see many, many Tupperware containers, all neatly labeled with “Kathryn Jean Lopez Bush Romney.” and decorated with little red hearts. K-Lo sighs, and slams the door shut. She walks to the counter and grabs a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts from the stack on the counter, then makes her way to one of the tables.
Jonah Goldberg: Go sit at your own table, K-Lo. Nobody wants you here.
Lopez sighs again and moves to the table farthest from the refrigerator, where Dinesh D’Souza sits, picking at his tuna sandwich. She sits and eats a doughnut, delicately brushing the crmbs from her bosom with a napkin.
K-Lo: Hey, Dinesh.
D’Souza: Did I say you could talk to me? Just because we’re stuck here at the Brown table together doesn’t mean I’m not better than you, Miss Cucaracha Lopez.
Plump tears fall into K-Lo’s doughnut. She sighs again.
Goldberg: I say, Derbyshire, have you read my book yet?
Derbyshire: You’re not British, old man, no matter haow many times you say “Old Blighty.” (Laughing) And I’ll read your book as soon as I wash my hair.
Mark Steyn: And check my e-mail.
Stanley Kurtz: And finish my timewasters.
All: And get back from lunch!
The entire table cracks up with laughter, Jonah uneasily joining along.
Derbyshire: Hey, K-Lo, I hear that if the immigration bill is passed your parents have to go back to Mexico.
K-Lo: That is so not true, you meanie. At least they aren’t illegal aliens like you.
Derbyshire: I’m from England so I can’t be an illegal alien. We settled the colonies first. You people from brown countries don’t belong here at all. Isn’t that right Dinesh?
D’Souza: Of course. (pause) Hey!
William F. Buckley enters.
Goldberg (sotto voce): You guys better behave now, Old Man Buckley’s here.
Buckley: Don’t you people have work to do? Get busy or you’ll all be replace with Liberty University interns.
All (disconsolately): Yessir.
Goldberg (again whispering): You guys meet me in the parking lot in half an hour. I hid a tape recorder under the Old Man’s bed on the cruise. We’ll show him! And maybe we can make a few bucks selling them on e-Bay.
I ? Susan of Texas.
Damnit. That should have been a little heart.
Anyways. I luv Susan of Texas. Even if she’s going to get me committed to the Abbie Hoffa Home for Islahomobamafascists.
I don’t have any links on hand, but I’m sure that there were right-wingers who were making the same claim about Kerry in 2004.
Just wait. If Obama wins, the same people will claim that HRC is controlling things from behind the scenes. Hell, these people will be making claims like this until Hillary dies, assuming they stop them – I look forward to the next generation of wingnuts arguing that she faked her death and is hiding out with David Copperfield, waiting…
@ t4toby:
Mushroom chocolates? That covers two of the food groups right there!!! WANT
Apparently, Patron Saint of Mockery and Snark, Tom Lehrer, has endorsed Barack Hussein Obama for President.
Just thought I’d mention it before my step-brother, Non Sequitur, did.
The only way I could tell is that I know nothing about the whole ‘Catholic’ thing, and you seemed to have it nailed.
Damn, I can’t find the scene in Brideshead where Rex realizes what nonsense catechism he got from Cordelia. Dang dang dang.
Tom Lehrer set the stage for that endorsement long ago
I dunno. It’s hard for me to believe that the Clinton’s actually think that, if McCranky gets elected, there will still be a USofA in 2012 worth being President of.
Seriously, if John-boy gets into the WH, I’ll be spending all my time working on my garden, with my Mossberg and a bottle of bourbon by my side, until the final collapse or until they come for me.
The trick is to use a coffee grinder and mill those little bastards until there’s nothing left but dust.
If I wanted crunchy chocolates I’d enlist Monty Python’s help.
One can blame Clinton’s advisers for their bad advice, but ultimately, as the Decideress, one has to blame her for any (bad) advice that she accepts.
This is the whole problem with the DLC crowd. Are they just pseudo-goopers? Are they just power-hungry to the exclusion of all else? Whichever it is, they’ve demonstrated that they don’t hold our Constitution or democracy in terribly high esteem. Nothing short of booting them all out of office will fix the country.
Oh, and K-Lo is still nuttier than a fruitcake. Or is it fruitier than a nutcake? Either way, there’s a lot of preserved fruit and nuts involved!
Why is the Supreme Court called SCOTUS? Is there another United States to which it would be confused? This has puzzled me for a while….
Because “Supreme Court Reigning over the Unwashed Masses” is unwieldy.
Welp,
Is that all you have to say, Jesus?
And by the way, K-Lo is saving herself for YOU.
Susan, I read you comment as “…K-Lo is saving herself AT you.”
Which does seem to be the attitude of many right-wing Christians.
billy pilgrim said,
March 5, 2008 at 0:54
Susan, I read you comment as “…K-Lo is saving herself AT you.”
Which does seem to be the attitude of many right-wing Christians.
And yet their prayers go unheard. It is to wonder.
Sadly, I think K-Lo’s not so far off here. It’s all about Hill’s precious ego– she must be the first woman Pres. It’s her birthright as one of ‘Murika’s two royal families.
As a former Goldwater supporter she obviously doesn’t like uppity Negroes, liberals, or people who question the War Party’s vision of the “national interest.” If Obama really did bring the troops home (not certain, but could happen) that would hurt the Clinton’s oil futures, Halliburton shares, etc.
I’ll tell you one thing about K-Lo’s theory that isn’t nutty at all–Hillary thinks McCain would make a better president than Obama. She said so herself.
I really don’t mind Hillary saying whatever she thinks she has to in order to win the nomination. That’s politics. But why does she feel she has to help the Republicans?
I think this is a heck of an overstatement. What Clinton actually said is that both she and McCain offer experience, while Obama offers rhetoric. You don’t have to agree with that sentiment to realize it’s a far cry from either endorsing McCain or wanting to help the Republicans.
And honestly, y’all — half the time the lefty blogs are indistinguishable rightwing blogs when HC is the subject. (Well, by content, anyway. The spelling and grammar are rather better over here.)
Blah. The whole experience argument is total bullshit. Remember that in choosing a president, you are choosing a whore. Now, frankly, if I have to pick a whore, I’d rather pick the virgin, rather than the used-up sixty-year-old. Maybe the tricks aren’t as well-practiced, but the whore still looks better, and you don’t have to worry about STDs.
sigh
Wingers always have the best pot.
The trick is to use a coffee grinder and mill those little bastards until there’s nothing left but dust.
Damn. That’s a helluva good idea. Oughta work with peyote buttons too.
Then you could just put the dust and crud in chocolate milk.
And you are, as they say in the American South, Good to Go…
mikey
I assume it’s “SCOTUS” because each state also has a supreme court.
Hope it’s not OT at this point–although the thread appears to be about over anyway–but I first found out about the “Stephen King killed John Lennon” guy by reading the side of his van, which he used to park around Monterey some years back. ( I hope it’s the same guy; I hate to think there are two or more.) I enjoyed reading his material (it was imaginative, at least), but never stuck around very long, in case he was inside and decided to pop out. From the gist of his rantings, he didn’t sound like someone I would be eager to meet. The conspiracy theory about the missing 4 centuries is very imaginative as well; it’s a bit reminiscent of “last-Thursdayism” (everything including our false memories was created last Thursday). Compared to these, the Hillary theory is almost sane, although I don’t believe it either.
What Clinton actually said is that both she and McCain offer experience, while Obama offers rhetoric. You don’t have to agree with that sentiment to realize it’s a far cry from either endorsing McCain or wanting to help the Republicans.
Do you honestly believe that if Obama is the nominee McCain won’t approve that message? He’ll gleefully use that statement in a campaign ad, portraying it as an endorsement. It doesn’t matter what she really meant; it’s how her words will be interpreted that matters.
The tagline: “If even the Democrats don’t believe Obama will make a good president, why should you?”
Oughta work with peyote buttons too.
Then you could just put the dust and crud in chocolate milk.
Face it, Mikey, that stuff is not going to stay down, whether you drink it as a milkshake or sprinkle it on pizza or whatever. Plants did not evolve mescaline so that herbivores could watch the paisley-print wallpaper turn into fractals and spiral off into infinity… it’s there to make herbivores throw up (in an enlightened way).
What were we talking about?
Coffee grinder… morning-glory seeds… What?
I was meaning to ask, did they bury Buckley or cremate him? Or mount his stuffed, embalmed corpse athwart history?
He’s stuffed and in a display case at the Reagan Presidental Library.
Like Trigger in the Roy Rogers Museum.