Shorter Marie Jon’
“We need to take a closer look at liberal Barack Hussein Obama”
- Our race war with the Muslims would likely be called off if this man is elected.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Also, apologies to Mencken for picking on your bird.
Gavin adds: Each Marie Jon’ column unfolds like an origami crane. Here’s how this one begins:
We need to take a closer look at liberal Barack Hussein Obama
Judicial Watch, a nonpartisan1 public interest group that investigates and prosecutes government corruption,2 has given Senator Barack Hussein Obama a dishonorable mention.3 Obama was placed on their ten most wanted list in 2007.4
Obama was involved in a suspicious real estate deal with a political fundraiser by the name of Tony Rezko.5 “There is so much more to learn about Obama in the coming months.”6 — Judicial Watch
1 Judicial Watch is a Scaife-funded conservative advocacy group founded in 1994 to harass Bill Clinton.
2 Judicial Watch’s ‘nonpartisan’ lists and investigations tend to achieve balance by including Republicans who have already been caught red-handed doing something unethical or illegal, and Democrats who have been accused (by Republicans) of possible misdeeds. Most (but not all) of their litigation serves a range of conservative causes célèbres. A canny person might think that their suits against the Bush Administration had something to do with founder Larry Klayman‘s apparently huffy departure, in 2003.
3 This was in 2006, at the beginning of the Rezko allegations.
4 Appearing above Obama on this alphabetical list (Hillary Clinton is coincidentally ranked at #1) are Sen. Larry Craig, Rudy Giuliani, the dutifully-maligned Mike Huckabee (Marie is an evangelical Christian), and Scooter Libby.
5 Rezko, a bipartisan opportunist and slimeball, also co-chaired a $3.6 million Bush fundraiser in 2003.
6 Learning continues regarding the lacuna of knowledge surrounding Obama’s denials of an ongoing close relationship to Chicago donor Tony Rezko, and regarding the fat, pulsating question-mark which hangs wetly over all the potential unrevealed details of Obama’s open and flagrant purchase of a strip of land — land adjoining his own personal home — from a man who would be later be indicted on unrelated charges. This possible scandal may indeed be a damaging one if any concrete allegations are made, and if they turn out to be true, as cannot be ruled out.
That said, Obama might well have partially been doing Rezko a favor by buying the land, or vice versa. The very stones cry out for justice, etc.
Snark fails me. How far up GWB’s ass is her head not to realize that every single thing she just wrote IS FUCKING TRUE THIS VERY MOMENT AND HAS BEEN FOR 5 YEARS!!!!!!
Ceiling Cat, I need a drink already.
the blood of the Iraqi people will begin to flow. The Innocent, be they young and old, will be murdered by pure evil despots
yeah, she’s always been a little late to the party.
Especially this part:
The Islamic world and all of Europe will look at our cold debasing deeds as uncivilized and abhorrent
This sack of shit named something-Jon’ is so sad that it’s not even really funny. It’s just sort of, shoot her full of thorizine sad and leave it to drool in a corner sad. Seriously, this isn’t a joke?
I’m not clicking on your links anymore.
I find her use of non-sequiturs quite masterful.
One of the best lines:
Trinity United Church of Christ and its pastor unapologetically preach a “black” gospel (black liberation theology) with which many biblical Christian theologians are uncomfortable.
‘Uncomfortable’. hehindeedlilekshasmore.
Marie is an practicing Christian, a nurse, a student of the Bible, and a patriot. Many of Marie’s articles are a reflection of her great admiration for those serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Marie, honey, I bet you anything they need nurses in Iraq. You look young. Why not serve your country, as you are a patriot and deeply admire those who serve?
She’s stupid, even for a conservative. She seems to really believe what she’s saying, whereas most of them know they’re lying while they’re doing it. They probably only let the poor thing post articles so they can put up her picture. Ann Coulter IS getting a bit long in the tooth; they need new spank fodder for the cause and their site.
That doesn’t explain Kaye Grogan. Maybe the leopardskin outfits hypnotized someone.
I can picture Marie Jon sitting at her desk, quill pen in hand, deploring the anti-Christian and dangerous patriots like Sam Adams, sifting through his private life for dirt.
Later, there was a tar-and-feathering.
What? Still no gloating because Melanie Morgan lost her radio show?
Gloat gloat gloat gloat….
…seriously, unless she has a stroke and can no longer speak, you can’t be sure the stake has been driven through that blackened heart yet or not, even if she has lost her show. Wingnut welfare tends to leave no dumbshit behind.
At least she’s admitting it’s a race war. That’s a start.
The station says it’s cost-cutting, which might even be true. Beig a conservative isn’t as lucratie as it used to be, when almost all political donations went to Republicans.
Jeezus, how many evil despots are there?
I mean, no matter what kind of body count they run up, if all you’ve gotta deal with is the pure evil despots, I’m thinking Iraq will be Disneyland by april…
mikey
See, about that…
Barack HUSSEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obama.
They’re not even pretending any more, are they?
Since when did Redneck McBiblebelts care what the fuck mooslums and faggot Europe thinks?
Oh, right, when they can ploy it to win cheap votes from the extreme stupid wingers.
There’s 10 churches within 50 miles of me that would tell her to take her “benevolent holy reverence” and shove it up her ass. Holy War, Bitchez!1@!
I sure would love to plant my rod in her though…
Who could resist an invitation like that, meathead?
My how things have changed. Whitey used to no like Kikuyu:
The gang, frenzied by the thought of blood, slashed around with their simis (a Kikuyu sword) and fired their guns. One old man, slower than the rest, was caught and hamstrung. He fell at the feet of his pursuers, covering his face with his arms to protect it from the slicing swords, but a mouse in a mechanical mincing machine would have had a better chance of survival. One terrorist hacked off a foot, and another sliced off his testicles to use later in an Oathing ceremony. A third gouged out his eyes with a staple and put them in his pocket for the same purpose. When they had finished, most of the gang came by to cut and stab the twitching corpse. They then licked the blood off their simis and moved off into the night, having first set fire to all the huts they could see.
Or:
[It is] not infrequent in primitive societies [like the Kikuyu] confronted with an advanced society which is so far beyond them that they cannot feel that they can ever play a worthy part in it.
And:
Its passions are hate and inferiority. Its plan is to embrace all Kikuyu, smash the whites, and ultimately make the WaKikuyu the liberators and dominators of Black Africa.
So Whitey had to show the Kikuyu how to be civilized:
“Any [Kikuyu] who showed any reluctance or hesitation to do so were hit with fists and/or slapped with the open hand,” he wrote. “This was usually enough to dispel any disposition to disobey the order to change. In some cases, however, defiance was more obstinate and on the first indication of such obstinacy, three or four of the European officers immediately converged on the man and ‘rough housed’ him, stripping his clothes off him, hitting him, on occasion kicking him and, if necessary, putting him on the ground. Blows struck were solid, hard ones, mostly with closed fists and about the head, stomach, sides and back. There was no attempt to strike at the testicles or any other manifestations of sadistic brutality.”
Maybe that’s why they’re moderate now, huh? I mean, torture makes moderates, right? Right?
I donno meatwad she might get up to go yell at the moon halfway into your … meditations. It makes me uncomfortable.
[updated, btw]
She’s so hot..until she opens her mouth. If stupid was a crime, she’d get life.
Why is it that batshit crazy rightwingers never have writer’s block? Their screeds go on forever. My head hurts.
“I’m not clicking on your links anymore.”
Man oh man, iceweasel, if I had a dime for every time I’ve said that to myself. And still I keep doing it …
[…] Obama. Sadly No, is fortunately on the case, unearthing freeperati I had never heard of before. Marie Jon’ ? I mean, seriously ditto-head, what’s the deal with the apostrophe at the end of your name? […]
What is it with all the stupid-yet-hawt winger chicks?
And how can I bag one without my wife catching on?
“”She’s stupid, even for a conservative. She seems to really believe what she’s saying, whereas most of them know they’re lying while they’re doing it. They probably only let the poor thing post articles so they can put up her picture””
Eggs Ackley! She could just fart over a field phone and the entire wingnuttosphere would still get their pencil-sized boners.
She is the epitome of a world-class trophy hump for elitists.
Why is it that batshit crazy rightwingers never have writer’s block? Their screeds go on forever. My head hurts.
Because if they ever get stuck on a paragraph, they have the latest list of talking points sent out that morning from Scaife or Rush to crib from, and then they are off again!
Mmmm. Debbie Schlussel.
Sweet Bleedin’ Jeebus on a Garage Creeper. This Robert A. Morey that she quotes, his quote is from http://holysmoke.org, which is the archives of the Fidonet “Holysmoke” echo. This was once one of the stomping grounds(and I do mean STOMPING) of the amazing, beautiful and strangely sexy Steve Winter. Which means “There, there be madness”.
And this Robert A. Morey? Oh, Wikipedia(run by Rachel Marsden’s latest victi^H^H^H^H^Hboyfriend, Jimbo Wales. No rabbits were boiled in the making of that relationship. Yet.) has plenty on this guy. It’s a larf riot.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Morey
I look forward to Ms. Jon someday manifesting her destiny and doing an 8-page…ahem…”spread” in Hustler. I am sure Larry Flynt already has the money set aside in the budget. Because punditry definitely ain’t her cup o’ meat. So to speak. Ahem..
Iraqi blood will begin to flow?
Wow.
Look my fellow Americans, even I realize she is attractive but to the idea of schtuping her I have just one question: What if Stoopid is a STD?
One day you’d be minding your own business and leap up screaming “GEORGE DUBYA BUSH WAS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVAR!! LIBRULZ HATE TEH TROOPS!! SAVE THE WOMB BABIES FROM TEH GEY ABORTIONISTS!!1”
The shame. The ignominy.
Fortunately, liberal women do not have this dilemma.
Except for lesbians, who probably have too much sense.
Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but who cares whether she’s hot? I don’t understand why the Defense Department doesn’t have her and her carefully refined, thoroughly-centrifuged, weapons-grade crazy under lock and key.
Preferably lock and lost key.
Me neither. Of course if there are any male HAWT-BUT-BATSHIT- INSANE-WINGERS out there, they’re hiding behind the long line of fat-asses and goobers.
Nah. Never get in bed with anyone you might be tempted to stifle with a pillow and grind up for dog food is my mantra and I’m sticking to it.
Mencken, your love for this lass has GOT to be waning….
I mean, no matter what kind of body count they run up, if all you’ve gotta deal with is the pure evil despots, I’m thinking Iraq will be Disneyland by april…
All those excellent attractions: Rubble Mountain, It’s A Bloody World After All, Mines of the Mediterranean, Mickey’s Ruins, Honey I Shrunk The Population, Mr. Toad’s Wild Hummer Ride, The George Bush Military Story (hey, it’s a land of make-believe), Blackwater in Profitland….
Plus the costumed actors! Dead Mickey, Blowed-Up Pluto, IED Goofy, Friendly Fire Dumbo, headless Snow White….
The Islamic world and all of Europe
I was under the impression that all of Europe was part of the Islamic world by now. Did Dhimmification unhappen?
the fat, pulsating question-mark which hangs wetly over
Great. Now I won’t be able to sleep at night, for fear of the fat pulsating question-marks. Them and the clowns.
LOL
Wingnut production methods have improved greatly in the last few years . This is a really advanced model. Just needs an idea-formulation upgrade . Does she have any ideas of her own?
I recognize the righting (sic) style . Used to work near a bible college. The inmates, er….students , were our summer help. Just for yuks I’d read the RW religious rags that would get ’em all riled up . ~ Everything was about what “some”, “many” , “those” , “several” , or “other” people say , without actually naming them .
Glad I saw her site .I wouldn’t have known Tennesse is now under Shariah law.
there is less to the Rezco stuff than there was to whitewater
which means we’re gonna see a $140 million investigation in 2010
You guys want to sleep with her? You know you can’t sleep with five pounds of airbrushing, right? Seriously, that portrait qualifies as a painting.
Who said “sleep?”
Should I feel guilty that parts of me unfold like an oragami crane when I look at Marie’s picture?
Sorry, I still want to fuck her.
What is going on in Kenya could effect a presidential candidate — No? http://www.daylife.com/topic/Mwai_Kibaki/articles/custom/oped/1?end=20080301&start=20080224
Marie Jon’
Vote McCain…..
Marie Jon’, I hope you don’t think all liberal men are awful; most of them are very nice.
Your column was nuts, though.
Aristophanes, nice analysis – I’ve gotten numb to the smear emails and whatnot.
Marie Jon’ do you honestly not know what is happening in Kenya?
How, Marie? Please explain.
Also explain how a Moslem Pres would destroy this country more than the “Christian” george w coward bush has?
Don’t tell me that she’s not hot!
I wonder when guys will realize that announcing who they’d do is the same as announcing they’re not getting any.
*Sob*
I can remember the days when Marie actually commented on my posts!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna hang this noose from a rafter, stand on a stool…
She’s just being coy, HTML. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t comment.
[…] Was sticking pictures of Jesus in jars of piss Was kissing abortionists ’til I saw you on the Freepers’ mailing list, […]
Marie Jon is a great young lady. Most of you posting here stink; rotten brains. Pray to God, you’ll get better.