A Very Special Episode Of Confederate Yankee

Obama Lies

[…]

In the clip above, everything Barack Obama said was a lie… probably including the part where he said he spoke with an Army Captain (has anyone checked to seek if Deval Patrick spoke with Jesse McBeth?).

Barack Obama is a liar. He (or someone he plagiarized) simply made the tale up out of the whole cloth.

Barack Obama is a rube. Anyone with any sense of how the military works at all would immediately sniff this out as a series of false stories. Perhaps Barack Obama, the man who would be Commander in Cheif, is so ignorant of all matters military that he could be easily fooled by a fraud.

Neither possibility says anything good about Obama.

Update: Over at ABC News Blog , Political Punch, Jake Tapper gets in touch with the officer in question and states that Obama’s claim was therefore true.

Uh, no.

You know, this is a coveted and hard-contested award, as it were, but Confederate Yankee is starting to seem like the Falling Baker of the right-wing opinion media:


Above: “One… Fictitious… Iraqi police captain…” *

Except, of course, each time he tumbles to the ground in a hail of smashed confectionery, it’s someone else who gets smeared.


Bonus fun: A classic Confederate Yankee drama in three episodes:

Episode One: “Fake… Iranian… Photograph!”

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More Fauxtography

You would think that after the downfall of Adnan Hajj that the professional media would have developed a sharper eye for noticing crudely PhotoShopped photographs, but even though Charles Johnson and others debunked a crude Iranian PhotoShop purporting to show U.S. munitions being used to subvert the government of Iran over the weekend, it didn’t keep the ever-gullible L.A. Times from running the photo today.

Here’s the thing: The Winchester USA brand ammunition I’m familiar with (I sell it in multiple calibers) doesn’t look anything like the box on the photo.

[…]

Is it reasonable for the photo editors of national news organizations to do some rudimentary checking to make sure pictures they publish aren’t crudely PhotoShopped propaganda? You would think so, as that would seem to cut to the heart of their job responsibilities these days where image manipulation is now available to the masses.

Episode Two: Slipping On The Stairs

Update: YNET is now running with the story, and a reader states in the comments that the ammunition boxes shown in the Iranian story appears to be Winchester USA commericial (civilian) ammunition boxes from approximately 20 years ago.

Some smoking gun.

Episode Three: A New Hope

396366355_9986ec6f4b.jpg

 

 

Update: It looks like we can pin down the date of manufacture to circa 1993.

That spring, says reader Robert Miller, is when he got this Winchester USA 9mm ammunition that shows packaging indistinguishable from that used in the Iranian photo (nice background, Robert). The Iranians are claiming we’re supplying their insurgency with economy civilian practice ammunition made about 14 years ago.

I’m less than impressed.
 

 

 

Plus, how do we know that the box wasn’t partially empty, or even totally empty? Besides, do we have any proof at all that the alleged box wasn’t forged by Iran? Also, even if it is a real box (a claim for which there is no evidence), who can say that some Iranian agent didn’t just buy it at a gun shop in America, fourteen or fewer years ago?

On the other hand, perhaps it is simply just a better and more accurate Photoshop than previously assumed — which gives even greater credit to the right-wing bloggers who spotted it.

I must say that I’m less than impressed. Each new question only casts further doubt on the credibility of the terrorist-supporting liberal media, to whom I am once again drafting a letter demanding the immediate resignation of all who publish fake Jihadi terror propaganda photographs, of which this so-called “ammunition box” is but one small example.

…For what — I say, what — does it say about the liberal media that they would be suspected of such a crude and blatant forgery? (Riddle me that, Geraldo!)


* cf.

 

Comments: 94

 
 
 

But, But Confed, knows its a lie his G.I. Joe talking action figure told him it was.

 
 

Sanbox dioramas incoming.

 
 

As for having to capture Taliban weapons he stated, “The purpose of going after the Taliban was not to get their weapons,” he said, but on occasion they used Taliban weapons.

OK. I can see how what Obama said was both accurate and not entirely accurate, depending on what angle you use to come at the comments. C’est la vie in the 8-second-clip world of modern politics.

But dude. Our troops are using Taliban weapons. I’m guessing this isn’t just because they’re just in the mood. I’m guessing this is because they have to.

Which = NOT A GOOD THING. And the inability to see THAT from the trees is very unfortunate, though completely typical.

Aaaaaaaand yet another Obama “controversy” swirls around the drain. I can’t wait for ManchuriNader to get in on the act. These people are made for each other.

 
 

And so many kudos to Obama for tackling Nader’s “candidacy” head on (apply directly to the rhetorical ownage). Gore and Kerry screwed up when they didn’t address Nader for the fraud he is; Obama, thankfully, brought the wood.

 
 

It’s completely insane to even begin to think that field troops on remote front lines would forgo their finicky, jam-prone weapons with (probable) sparse, if not hard or time consuming to obtain, ammunition, in favor of rugged, reliable weapons with ample spare parts and ammunition flowing like water?

Basically, ConFed is calling American troops retarded fuckwits.

Apparently, the last 7 years has taught him that the US Military Simply cannot be anything other then a sleek, well oiled, 100% efficient, perfectly organized, omnipotent organization. Exactly like in Tom Clancy novels, or the A-Team.

 
 

Confederate Wankee?

 
 

Jim Henson did the announcements on the video.

 
 

I like how Gomer thinks he’s some sort of well respected, big-shot military expert, and can just dismiss this stuff out of hand. Apparently playing Rainbow Six and Ghost Recon over and over is as good as some fancy degree or actual experience.

 
 

I almost feel sorry for ConFed Wankee. He is just such a pathetic amalgamation of all the pants-peeing, war-worshiping, women-fearing worst qualities of wingnuttia that he’s a walking, blathering cliche. On some level, he’s just barely smart enough to understand that he is intellectually inferior to a lot of people who hold divergent opinions, and he desperately tries to compensate for his deficiency. And when one of those divergent opinion holders is a brown man, it sends him through the roof like a sudden goosing with a sharp stick.

O/T, but did anyone else think today’s Get Fuzzy was a bit of oblique snarkery aimed at The Doughy One’s epic fail?

 
 

I like how the things he says are absolutely not true and could never happen in the US Military did, in fact, happen in the US Military.

 
 

It may be true, as this fake soldier claims, that our troops in Iraq have had to rummage through trash heaps for scrap metal to use as body armor; however, they are not in Iraq to rummage for scrap metal, so he is also a liar.

 
 

Wasn’t he some sort of computer tech support or telemarketing employee prior to becoming a super sleuth of the Internets?

Or was that some other super sleuth? What does this guy do for a job, aside from speak in tongues and foam at the mouth?

 
 

Sinister eyebrow, I believe he works in a gun shop. Hence the appellation Gun Counter Gomer you’ll occasionally see applied to him.

 
 

I will give TIDOS Yankee this: he regularly gets eviscerated in his comments, but generally doesn’t delete the comments even when he’s obviously pwned.

 
 

Thanks, Candy.

I worked in an Army-Navy store when I was in high school. Therefore, ipso facto, res ipsa loquitor and indeed central to my point, I am an alternate for the Supreme Commander of NATO.

 
Andrew A. Gill, SLS
 

LGF doesn’t seem to like referrers from sadlyno.com

I don’t know if it’s news, or what.

 
 

Is Gun Counter Gomer the one who needs a new grill?

I can’t keep these guys straight.

 
 

LGF doesn’t like referrers from anywhere. Chuckles’ Playhouse is the fallout shelter of wingnuttia.

 
 

I love his rebuttal. “Uh, no.”

He’s the Doug Shrute of right-wing blogging, minus the flashes of competance. I have an overwhelming urge to send him an increasingly strident series of induction letters from the Army.

 
 

So why did he give a shit what kind of ammo the Iranians photoshopped into their picture?

Oh hey, assault weapans are legal again! Terrorists can totally buy AK-47s at Wal-Mart and its no big deal! Gun manufacturers just make the guns, how are they supposed to know where they will end up? Journalists shouldn’t even write stories about it, ‘n shit. We’ve got real criminals to go after like Halliburton potsmokers.

 
 

Yep, g, he’s the grill guy.

 
 

So, I have a friend who served in the Navy a year or so back, patrolling the Strait of Hormuz. Apparently, at the end of his tour of duty, they had way too much ammo aboard the ship – some of the ammo dating all the way back to Vietnam. They could keep this ammo (possibly indefinitely), dispose of it via long and tedious military forms, or shoot at waves till they ran out. Being 20-something Navy guys who hadn’t seen much action, they unloaded 30,000 round of ammo at surf and had a good time doing it.

Why was this allowed? Because if you come back with a full load of ammo, your department notes this and cuts your funding for future budgets. If they cut your budget for the future, you get stuck with a shrunken budget even when you do need new supplies. Thus, every time a ship heads back from a tour of duty, you’ll have sailors just dumping random shit overboard so they can apply for new stuff.

Needless to say, this is totally dysfunctional, a massive waste of resources, needless and sloppy pollution, but very par for the course. I can only conclude that my Navy buddy was an America-hating, commie-lamo-fascist for telling me these terrible, horrible lies. I’ve played CS a million times and I’ve never had to do this.

 
 

“We have seen a steady erosion of American power and an unsteady exercise of American influence. Our military is low on parts, pay and morale. If called on by the commander-in-chief today, two entire divisions of the Army would have to report, ‘Not ready for duty, sir.'” George W. Bush, 2000 RNC linky-poo

 
 

Susan, I apologize if I’m being pedantic, but do you mean Dwight Schrute?

 
 

Because if you do, I rather enjoy the idea of his grill actually being encased in a gelatin, and not ruined by a hurricane.

 
 

He’s the Doug Shrute of right-wing blogging, minus the flashes of competance.

Hahaha soooo true. He would have the weapons stashed all around the office, but when a crazy ex comes in to assault his co-worker he would spray the mace can backwards into his own eyes and then collapse sobbing into a puddle of his own urine.

 
 

Jim, yes, thanks. I’m new to the show.

The gelatin is classic, but the CIA contact letters were brilliant.

 
 

Shorter Confederate Yankee, on pretty much every issue/controversy:

This is bogus! A forgery! A photoshop! A lie!

UPDATE: Apparently it wasn’t bogus, forged, photoshop, or a lie, but nevertheless, pffffffffft. I win infinity points!

 
 

Heh, from today’s latest:

We’ve covered this ground before. An Obama assassination fantasy seems to primarily be a media construct.

Cal Thomas says hi, seeing how he brought it up just last week. And the hate-spewing mensas over at LGF bring it up whenever Chuckles drops a “OBAMA = MUSLIM” post. So I fully expect to see:

UPDATE: Apparently Cal Thomas and Chuckles Johnson and the Lizardoids have talked about this too, but pffffffffft whatever infinity I win times infinity!

 
Smiling Mortician
 

He is just such a pathetic amalgamation of all the pants-peeing, war-worshiping, women-fearing worst qualities of wingnuttia that he’s a walking, blathering cliche.

I’ve never actually seen him walk.

 
 

An Obama assassination fantasy seems to primarily be a media construct.

I guess he doesn’t hang out on a lot of other “I heart the Confederacy” sites. Neiwert has done yeoman’s work on the subject.

 
 

I wonder if he ever got his wrecked grill off his neighbor’s lawn. Didn’t he take a picture of it lying pathetically on its side, and then just leave it there? As I recall he didn’t even know for sure that it had sustained mortal injury, but was quite sure he needed a new one and commenced begging for funding.

 
 

I’m trying to picture the person who would actually send this man money.

All I can come up with is booze, a fake bomber jacket and facial hair.

 
 

I’m trying to picture the person who would actually send this man money.

Well, not money… I do sometimes think that it would be funny to send something that in no way constitutes a threat, but would still be perceived as a terrorist plot against their empty wasted lives. Like say, pretty much anything with a Muslim-sounding name on the return address label.

 
 

Well, I can see him tying up emergency services for hours over a box of Iranian videos or sesame candy, so maybe not.

 
 

Typing up military recruiters, on the other hand….

 
Arky "I Just Get These Headaches" The Blasphemer
 

Cornfidiot Wanker should stick to telling us how to survive mall shoot outs. That way people will assume he’s severely retarded and not make fun of him.

 
 

Er, not literally.

 
 

[updated some stuff at the bottom, btw]

 
 

The gelatin is classic, but the CIA contact letters were brilliant.

Way the hell OT, but my favorite Dwight gag comes later in the show (third season, I think). It involves a fax machine and stolen letterhead.

 
 

Let me guess–he thinks the Zombie Survival Guide is for real.

 
 

This was good, too: everything Barack Obama said was a lie… probably including the part….

Categorical equivocation!

 
 

It seems to me that US-manufactured weapons and ammo (as well as Russian, Iranian, Chinese, etc.) have been supplied to various “insurgent” groups worldwide for so long, and then transferred around who knows where through various black markets, that determining the veracity of any claims about who’s supplied weapons to whom would be as useless as trying to identify “patient zero” for the first flu virus. And probably more difficult.

Not that such things would matter in Wingnuttistan.

 
 

Someone needs to do a slapstick buddy flick about two idiot patriots leaving a trail of wreckage and humiliation across the country as they set out to stop what they assume to be a terrorist plot. I’m thinking Don Quixote meets Dumb and Dumber.

 
 

Anyone with any sense of how the military works at all would immediately sniff this out as a series of false stories.

Which is why it is so easy to disprove, right? All those ‘anyones’ are just running up to declare that none of the stated events could ever possibly have happened.

 
 

My favorite line from “The Office” and possibly from all of television:

“I never smile because exposing the teeth is a sign of submission in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a frightened monkey begging for its life.” -Dwight Schrute

 
 

Sorry, way OT, but they are gloating over at RedState that Jim Matheson, the popular 4-term congressman from Salt Lake City is totally gonna get pwned by Mitt Romney’s son Josh.

Mathison’s [sic] dad was Governor, and he’s been very moderate, probably the most moderate D in the house.
He’ll keep winning because he’s a moderate and a ‘nice guy’ unless the R’s get a rock star to run against him. Josh Romney would be just that rock star.

Yeah, Matheson never had to do nothin cuz his daddy was gov, but Josh Romney’s dad was booed out of office in a state on the other side of the country, and he ran a hilariously inept campaign for president! ROCK STARZZZ!!!!

 
 

[updated again; the quoted material in teh second part of the post actually didn’t make much sense before]

[hmph]

 
 

Hey, how did that barbecue fundraiser go?

Just checking.

 
 

Eleven Cream of Cheeto Pies!

 
 

Even if Achilles is twice as truthful as the tortoise he will never reach verity.

 
A Different Jake H.
 

“I never smile because exposing the teeth is a sign of submission in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a frightened monkey begging for its life.” -Dwight Schrute

That describes William “The Joker” Kristol, anyway.

 
 

Jim Matheson, the popular 4-term congressman from Salt Lake City is totally gonna get pwned by Mitt Romney’s son Josh…

This is as may be, but their describing him as “moderate” is telling. He’s possibly the doggiest Blue Dog in the House, and his 2002 campaign was a shameless round of “I’ll do whatever Gee Dubya says!”

That was 2002, just after the WTC attacks and when the country’s derangement was at its highest, but he’s pretty well lived up to that promise ever since. His main value as a nominal Democrat is to help keep the committee chairmanships away from the Redoublechins.

Pfaugh.

 
 

“And the question in my mind is, how many additional American casualties is Saddam (Hussein) worth? And the answer is, not that damned many.” Dick Cheney, 1992.

Be sure and check the kerning on the box, Gomer.

 
 

I’m less than impressed.

I know how he feels.
.

 
 

Confederate Yankee is starting to seem like the Falling Baker of the right-wing opinion media:

I don’t know, I seem to recall a little something called Michelle Malkin who had a dazzling run of self-inflicted pies in the face around the time of the Jamil Hussein thing. In my mind she is the original master.

 
 

Yes, only Malkin choreographs her failures, and sets them to music.

 
 

the confirmation by Jake Tapper is central to his point.

 
 

I think you’re on to something, Peddy.

I’m thinking Harold and Kumar crossed with Black Sheep.

The hilarious twist? A female Asian Anchor Baby who can’t shut up and a giant fat man with pilocene ass issues.

Along the way they meet a wiley Gun Counter Gomer, a Superblogger named Ace, a pasty momma’s boy nicknamed Batter in the Underpants, and a giant trans-sexual named Fran Molter. Together they try to stop a nuke from going off, but in the end all they get is a container full of Persian rugs.

Or something. I’m just spitballin’ here.

Maybe we could collaboratively write it.

 
 

Yes, only Malkin choreographs her failures, and sets them to music.

I am compelled once again to pimp my recut of the cheerleader video.

 
 

It seems to me that US-manufactured weapons and ammo (as well as Russian, Iranian, Chinese, etc.) have been supplied to various “insurgent” groups worldwide for so long, and then transferred around who knows where through various black markets, that determining the veracity of any claims about who’s supplied weapons to whom would be as useless as trying to identify “patient zero” for the first flu virus. And probably more difficult.

And this ammunition was made for the civilian market anyway, so it might never have been in the hands of the CIA or any other US government agency.

 
 

Oh, and don’t forget the other crazy transsxual, the crazed Hungarian Bondage Queen in the red pleather. Maybe a scene involving ‘Debbie Megan’ and Fran Molter…

 
 

the man who would be Commander in Cheif, is so ignorant of all matters military that he could be easily fooled by a fraud.

see e.g., Bush, George W.; Chalabi, Ahmed.

 
 

RB, you are one crazy Mofo.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

toby, did you check out the Debbie Sammich video on the same page? Very whimsical.

 
 

Ha! Very Python-esque (Gilliam-esque?)

 
 

If there really was an e-vile liberal fascist plot,one of the first things a smart overlord would do would be take this nincompoop’s computer away and make him work outside (growing organic vegetables and fruits,natch). Honest to god,if I ever get this nitwittedly paranoid,I would hope someone loved me enough to cut my internet access.

 
 

pedestrian and t4toby,

How about something nostalgic in the Hope-Crosby buddy vein? I’m thinking “The Road To Abu Ghraib.”

 
 

(Gilliam-esque?)

I used to have a Terry Gilliam book in the same style as the Monty Python books and he explained things like animating walking: it’s much easier when your character is on wheels or has foot-obscuring fur.

Wait a minute, I think that exists on film too.

 
 

Whew! Hypocritical Left is gone. Its been torture not praising my Sun, my Moon, My Billy Ayers?

It was so hard not to effusively sing the praises of his genius!

Who else would only blow up his own people in the name of all that is Soros?

Now that my other mentor, Ward Churchill is disgraced, and my ideological hero (Oh, Fidel, How could you?) has stepped down, to whom else shall we turn?

Ayers is the Last One Standing.

 
 

Lakeesha, they already made that. It’s coming out in April.

Also, I hate to wander off course again, but CNN.com really does bring teh stupid. After spending all day yesterday stirring questions about Obama’s lapel pin patriotism, the headline today is: PART OF AXIS OF EVIL SHOWS GUTTED, DEAD NUKE PLANT. As if,

1) There ever actually was such thing as the “Axis of Evil”.
2) Readers won’t know what North Korea is.
3) This isn’t just another example of the Bush Administration being lazy. “Hey, look, the North Korean government invited us to bring cameras to the old nuke facility and lookee, it’s all abandoned now! We won guys, We won, we won!!!”

 
 

A reader has just sent me a picture of an ammunition box which I said was clearly a forgery.

I think this only reinforces my point.

 
 

That Media Matters link is a sad one. It’s like they’re forming another Discovery Institute.

 
 

I used to have a Terry Gilliam book in the same style as the Monty Python books and he explained things like animating walking: it’s much easier when your character is on wheels or has foot-obscuring fur.

That would be “Animations of Mortality”. Introduced (if memory serves me correctly) by Brian the Badger, who was (regrettably) neither naked nor adorable.

 
 

How does that joke go?

Him: “The food here is disgusting crudely photoshopped.”
Her: “Yes, and such small servings too it could have come through civilian channels too!”

 
 

Maybe he meant the bullets didn’t look similar?

Anyhow, we know that the US is supplying stuff to people in Iran. It’s in our general budget. Although, we usually use black market stuff… Not even black market copies of US stuff, but Russian stuff.

…So whoever got that stuff, did it on their own. Sorry, Iran.

 
 

[…] Again, as over-the-top as all this is, there’s stuff I saw that made my skin crawl. SadlyNo has done the heroic spadework. […]

 
 

Not only do they source out-of-date ammunition to stage their photographs of a weapons cache, but somehow, at the level of the pixels, they encode subliminal clues that make the photograph look like a crude photoshop to the eyes of CY and LGF. Surely it is a plan to discredit him.

I’m still marvelling at the perfidy of those Persians. But they’re basically Asiatic, so inscrutability and a certain kind of low animal cunning go with the territory.

 
 

“I never smile because exposing the teeth is a sign of submission in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a frightened monkey begging for its life.” -Dwight Schrute

That describes William “The Joker” Kristol, anyway.

And Gary Ruppert.

 
 

And Gary Ruppert.

I dunno… does Gare-bear have teeth?

Or smile?

 
 

When someone smiles at me, all I see is an enraged predator baring its canines in preparation for a lunge at my throat. I should try to get more sleep.

 
 

To the Chimpanzee, the smile is a form of submission.

To the Bonobo, however…

(Cue cheesy seventies guitar:skank wokka wokka)

 
 

I posted a comment, pointing out how his immediate accusations of Obama lying without proof, and his refusing to withdraw those accusations once they were disproven, as a clear sign of his own anti-Obama bias.

But I came back later, and my comment was removed!

How’d that happen? Surely such an independent-thinking no-nonsense Conservative who believes firmly in the doctrine of individually responsibility, wouldn’t have anything to fear from a little criticism, right?

 
 

What a moron.

By the way, has CY ever heard of libel? Calling somebody a liar straight out like that could get you into very hot water – couldn’t it?

 
 

Hmm. When someone smiles at me, I just assume they want to have sex and I start taking off my pants.

People just don’t come around chez mikey like they used to, though…

mikey

 
 

My theory is that Liberals descended from the Bonobos in parallel to the Conservatives descending from the Chimpanzees. It is a nice, tidy explanation for many attributes of both sides.

Which would only serve to further your point, mikey.

 
 

I’m sorry, I forgot my tags:

<tinfoilhat>…</tinfoilhat>

 
 

Sorry, forgot the HTML tags:

<tinfoilhat>…<&#47tinfoilhat>

 
 

It is a nice, tidy explanation for many attributes of both sides.

I like it. My pet joke (which I probably stole from someone) is that the best way to tell if a person is a liberal or a conservative is to ask which is more offensive on television: sex, or violence?

My jokes aren’t very funny.

 
 

I’m still at a loss about what HTML tags WordPress likes, and which it makes clean out the drains. Evidently, the slash is a drain cleaner.

 
Mehitabel the Abyssinian
 

When the house-apes bare their fangs at me, I assume that they’re going to feed me.

 
 

t4to–just use a slash (/).

If you’ve already escaped the angry alligators, the slash will be handled as text.

 
 

Gotta give the boy points for consistency…

 
 

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