The Three Musketeers of Apologetics
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, meet your musketeers: Greg Koukl, Scott Klusendorf, Steve Wagner and Brett Kunkle. We hope you agree that, with the notable exception of Steve, all of these names sound completely made up. If only they were a law firm, forcing someone to answer the phone with Koukl, Klusendorf, and Kunkle can I help you? Who needs she sells seashells by the seashore when you have Koukl, Klusendorf, and Kunkle could clearly clue you in on Christianity? But we digress.
According to WorldNetDaily, there is a disturbance in the force:
Stand to Reason, a nonprofit apologetics organization, says its “AdWord” advertisement on Google recently was pulled down.
Things haven’t been the same at Stand to Reason since all those for profit companies have gotten into the apologetics business.
Specific AdWord ads are listed in the right-hand margin of search results on the popular site when key words an advertiser submits match with those put in by a Net user. A company promoting hats, for example, could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about hats.
Just like a company promoting Wilson C. Lucom could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about nuclear bombs. ***
“Google’s objections had to do with other articles on our website pertaining to homosexuality,” Penner told WND. “They claimed that their specialist had deemed us a hate site and that their policies didn’t allow people to have ads that discriminated against certain groups, which include sexual orientation.”
Gee, what could be so bad on the Stand to Reason site?
Yes–the Boy Scouts are discriminatory and prejudiced. But what’s wrong with that?
Oh.
Does the fact that homosexuals have made great contributions to society have any bearing on whether or not homosexuality is immoral?
We bet the answer is… sadly, no!
Is AIDS a Noble Disease?
Hmm, we’re starting to detect a pattern.
You Can’t Marry Your Canary
Right. Besides, wasn’t there a song by Yes about that?
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than
married to your canary
Owner of a lonely heart
Moving along:
Couldn’t one argue that it’s discrimination, that it’s discrimination against me from a heterosexual perspective, that heterosexuals narrowly allow marriage just for a man and a woman and they’re discriminating against anyone who would want to marry their pet or machine or anyone who would want to marry their computer or T.V. or VCR, or anything else. Why couldn’t we do that?
Didn’t the whole man-on-VCR thing die with the betamax format?
We’ll have more from Stand to Reason later — right now our George Foreman grill needs some lovin’.
*** How long has it been since we ran a really, really dumb contest? Not long enough you say? What if we said fabulous prizes will be awarded this time around? So now you’re interested! Use the comments to enter your suggestion for a line following the example shown below:
Just like a company promoting XXX could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about YYY.
The winner gets a lot of stuff sent by mail. Really.
PS: Thanks to Jamie for the tip.
Just like a company promoting hot man-on-dog sex could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about the Pennsylvania GOP.
or alternatively:
Just like a company promoting the Pennsylvania GOP could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about hot man-on-dog sex.
Hmmm. I wonder who would benefit more…
Just like a company promoting “Hate and Abstinence: Effects and After effects” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Ann Coulter.
Can’t help myself. Have to do it…
Just like a company promoting Sexual Reassignment Surgery could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Ann Coulter.
Just like a company promoting Thai Prostitutes could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Jeb Bush.
Just like a company promoting a Republican Senate candidate in Illinois could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Barack Obama.
Just like a company promoting “Verbal Advantage” vocabulary learning CD’s could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Cick Cheney.
Cick? I think I was mixing my wang metaphors there. Of course I meant Dick.
“Didn’t the whole man-on-VCR thing die with the betamax format?”
Seb, you dare to ask after letting Pete run your place for a week?
You were going to switch to DVD anyway weren’t you?
Just like a company promoting the stomping of sad-eyed, cuddly puppies could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Dick “The Manhandler” Cheney.
Just like a site promoting the abstinance from cocain could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about George Bush .
Just like a site promoting the undead could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Dick Cheny.
Just like a site promoting viagra could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Bob Dole.
Just like a site promoting Ginko Biloba could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about helping George Bush.
Just like a site promoting truth detectors could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about SBVFT.
Just like a site promoting Whips and chains could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Rumsfield.
Just like a company promoting SM marital aids could have their site displayed when a user searches information about Lynddee England.
Just like a company promoting gay Americans and marital fidelity could have their site displayed when a user searches information about James McGreevey.
Why is it that, when people want to argue against Same-sex marriage, they come up with the stupidest analogies they can think of? Are they subconsciously sabotaging their own argument because they secretly know they’re wrong?
Just like a site promoting frontal lobotomies could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Bush Youth.
Just like the CIA Employment website could have their site pitched when a user searches for information about either Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden. (hey, a two-fer!! What a bargain!)
And the winner is…drum roll please…
Just like North American Van Lines could have their moving company site pitched when a user searches for information on the term “Miserable Failure”.
Assuming your normal delivery time, send the stuff I won to:
G.W. Bush
98123445
Cell Block Z
Leavenworth, Ks. 0U812
Just like a company promoting a reissue of Sinclair Lewis’ “It Can’t Happen Here” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Bush-Cheney 2004.
Just like a company promoting penile enhancement could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about apologetics.
Just like a company promoting the ideals of WND could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about the permanent effects of severe head trauma.
Just like a company promoting “Xena: Warrior Princess” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Lynne Cheney’s “Sisters”.
Just like a company promoting “Anal Eaze” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Alan Keyes.
Just like a company promoting “Accounting for Dummies” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about John Snowe.
Just like a company promoting Medic Alert Bracelets could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about pretzels.
Just like a company promoting “Girls Gone Wild” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Jenna Bush.
Just like a company promoting genital warts could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Karl Rove.
Just like a company promoting “Pinnochio” on DVD could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Scott McClellen.
Just like a company promoting “Mein Kampf” could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about “Those Who Trespass”.
If only they were a law firm, forcing someone to answer the phone with Koukl, Klusendorf, and Kunkle can I help you?
Much like when skier Picabo Street went to work in an intensive-care unit, meaning that she answered the phone, “Picabo, I-C-U!”
Who needs she sells seashells by the seashore when you have Koukl, Klusendorf, and Kunkle could clearly clue you in on Christianity?
I’m reminded of the hardest tongue-twister (in English, anyway), “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.”
Just like a company promoting Thai Prostitutes could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Jeb Bush.
That’s Neil Bush, dude. Jeb is the expert on stealing elections.
Just like Bush-Cheney 2004 could have its site displayed any time a user searches for information on bush or dick.
Just like Kerry-Edwards could have its site displayed any time a user searches for information on licking bush and dick.
Just like a company promoting Bill Bennett could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about playing slot machines while naked.
Oops, that Bill Bennett one was mine. It also wasn’t funny.
Just like a company promoting the Kris-P Baby Rotissiere (TM) could have their site displayed when a user searches for information about Dick and Lynne Cheney’s favorite recipes.
Just like Alan Keyes’ campaign could have its website displayed any time a user searches for information on political comedy. Ditto for anytime a user Googles “Illinois Republican Party” and “stupidity.”
Just like a company promoting christian mohawk grooming aids could have their site displayed any time a user searches for information on Vox Day.
I agree, Nope, the notion of Bill Bennett naked is definately not funny. More like ickyicky grossgross ewwwwww!!!!
Just like a company promoting hemmorrhoid suppositories could have their site displayed any time a user searches for information on George W. Bush.
Just like a corrupt government could have their site on al-Qaida displayed any time a user searches for information on Saddam Hussein.
That’s Neil Bush, dude. Jeb is the expert on stealing elections.
D’oh. My bad. But then again, I thought all the Borg, uh, I mean Bush men were about the same.
I disagree on the basis that this decision was made, it’s rather vacuous. They labeled it a “hate” site without providing a standard by which it is so. Otherwise, I do not believe political disagreement constitutes hatred.