In the scary black d00d-said, Hitlary-said world of the Democratic primary, it is tough, even under oath, to figure out which is the greater threat to the world. But there is no doubt about what happened in Rome on Friday the 13th in July of last year.

Was that really necessary?

Yeah. The hyped up Clarey version will sell.

Tero Pitkamaki of Finland, one of the world’s very best at what he does, …

Yeah, but javelin assassination is such a small field.

Well someone must have thrown a javelin at me!

Lately there’s been a very hacky trend among sports journalists to include world-weary “I’m sooooooooooo sick of everyone talking about Clemens and steroids, so here’s another article dwelling mentioning Clemens and steroids out of nowhere” themes in their articles, no matter what they’re about. This is probably the most bizarre example of that which I have seen.

Sports reporters often try hard to mimic their stupid ass, lazy, hackneyed counterparts in the political section of the paper.

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Salim Sdiri said,

Well someone must have thrown a javelin at me!

Sorry, I was aiming for first base.

In the Page Six world of Fair-and-Balanced access journalism, it is tough, even under oath, to separate truth from anonomously-sourced, pro-administration bullshit. I give up! [/Joe Klein]

In the he-said, Clemens-said world of office theft, it is tough, even under oath, to separate truth from fiction. But there is no doubt about what happened to my chicken tikki masala just before lunchtime last Tuesday.

Ok, I took out the freakin long jumper, just like I said I would.

Now pay up!

Here’s another good one. A United Methodist church is recognizing same-sex unions… it just so happens that this is the church the Clintons attended when they were in the White House, but that has THE SQUARE ROOT OF SWEET FUCK-ALL to do with anything in the story. I actually got the original press release from the IRD, and they LED with the Clinton bit, as if there was some kind of connection.

Need an excuse to write bad things about Obama? Here you go:

Obama’s Ties Might Fuel `Republican Attack Machine’ (Update2)

Feb. 15 (Bloomberg) — Hillary Clinton questions whether Barack Obama would be able to withstand what she calls the “Republican attack machine.” If Obama does become the Democratic presidential nominee, his Chicago ties might provide the fuel.

While the Illinois senator has never been accused of wrongdoing, some of the associations he formed as a community organizer and politician in Chicago may provide fodder for attacks, Democratic and Republican political experts say.

Besides his relationship with indicted businessman Antoin Rezko, Obama might face Republican criticism over contacts with a former leader of the Weather Underground, a banker with ties to a convicted felon and even his church…

In a world in which frog and toad populations are declining precipitously, where millions of our fellow citizens lounge in darkened homes solemnly watching television broadcasts of monster trucks crushing smaller vehicles, where giant squids lurk in the ocean depths and roaches lurk behind cans of chicken broth, it is tough to come up with an adequate opening for an article about a freak javelin accident. But there is no doubt that my previous sentence fails miserably.

I don’t know, Snorghagen, I was enjoying it. It sort of set the mood.

Sports reporters often try hard to mimic their stupid ass, lazy, hackneyed counterparts in the political section of the paper.

Perhaps, but I’d personally blow Satan just to get political reporters even fractionally as dogged in their pursuit of truth as their sportswriting counterparts.

Tom of Finland manfully thrust his javelin… wait, what?

If Snorghagen were to write about sports for my local paper, I think I might read it.

I have a cousin that accidentally killed another student with a fouled discus throw during a high school track meet. You really need to be aware of everything happening around you when you’re around events like this

All of Rome is not abuzz with the Clemens testimony. Feelings were already not running high after the Finnish parliament didn’t declare their unequivocal support for the beleaguered pitcher they had never heard of after French President Nicolas Sarkozy didn’t call Brian McNamee the most credible suspicious person he had ever not had knowledge of. The stage was set.

Need an excuse to write bad things about Obama? Here you go:
Obama’s Ties Might Fuel `Republican Attack Machine’ (Update2)

Aw, that’s cute.
Shorter Hillary: “Now I would never do something like this, but, you know, the Republicans would.”

Careful, lady, this is gonna backfire on you.

On Friday the 13th in July, Tero Pitkamaki of Finland, one of the world’s best at what he does…

… and what he does ain’t pretty.

I suggest Tero Pitkamaki borrow a page from Clemens’ book of Wasn’t Me. Something along the lines of “The other javelin throwers may have stuck their javelins in a long jumper’s back. My wife once stuck a javelin in a long jumper’s back for a photo shoot, but I never did such a thing. Those who say I did are misremembering.”

Snorghagen, I much prefer your version. It has a grandeur that would almost make me willing to read sports news.

But not quite. I’d rather have teeth pulled. Without anaesthetic. Oddly enough, I wasn’t aware until I was in my late 20s that it was possible to have an anaesthetic for a filling. My dentist had a new nurse, who asked me if I wanted one. “Pshaw”, I said, who ever had an injection for a filling? The dentist started drilling.

I got 3 shots before I’d let that bugger continue. I bet he’s cursed that nurse ever since.

And while I’ve got the place to myself, this ‘freak javelin accident’ reminds me of a pic I once saw purporting to be a person killed by a spear of frozen urine from a plane. The laws of physics inclined me to disbelieve, given angle of fall and angle of apparent penetration and all, but it was one of those things that stick in your mind. Err.

Here’s your headline:

“Salim Sdiri of France won the gold medal in javelin catching today”

You promised us last week that you were going to tell us how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks.

the gold medal in javelin catching today
Personally I thought the IOC were cheapening the Olympic Spirit and pandering to the debased tastes of today’s sensation-seeking TV audience when they introduced the new event of ‘Heading the Shotput’. But this is really going too far.

That’s why I don’t attend track and field events.

A Spear Of Destiny Makes Its Mark

At least when you get hit in the back with the javelin you don’t see it going in. He’s lucky he didn’t get hit in the face.

I think it’s about time the javelin event is disposed of at these tournaments. We had an accident here in Minnesota back in the 1980’s where a high school girl was killed by a javelin at a track and field event. Javelins are lethal weapons, not toys and not athletic equipment. If Bush managed to screw the economy up badly enough that our military can no longer afford guns, then maybe we need javelin competitions again. Otherwise, be rid of it.

You know, javelin was originally in olympics, because it was a important military sport. Being able to throw your spear far away, can handy in the age of greek hoplites and roman legions.

Naturally, being able to hit a moving target from 80 meters is in a true oriinal olympic spirit a feat worth a gold medal, ar atleast compliments.

In general we finns tend to do Ok in sports that involve shooting or violence (like wrestling). Maybe there is an attempt to diversify the repertoire.

Are you really Jillian? Is this fake?