Post-CPAC Day By Day Remix Extravaganza!

Sorry, folks, I’ll stop hogging the site in a minute, but I wanted to do this (a) to decompress, (b) to prove I’m still capable of short, non-soul-melting whimsy, and (c) because Chris Muir really, really, really sucks.

While I was combing the blogs of some other CPAC attendees, I noticed that a lot of them, as do many right-wing blogs, had the Day By Day cartoon embedded on the front page. This one, from Thursday, really caught my attention, because it so perfectly encapsulates everything hacky and awful about the strip:

1. Pointless, cranky political opinionating.
2. A punchline that seems like it’s a joke, but only has the form of a joke and not the function of a joke, because it isn’t funny.
3. Women whose anatomy has either been drawn by someone unfamiliar with the actual appearance of a woman, or has been subjected to some kind of major spinal reconstruction surgery in the last few hours.

Here’s the original strip:

the unfunny original

Note, if you will, that the female character appears to have a large Mr. Potato Head stuffed down her pants:

the terrifying closeup

So, I think you all know what to do:

dbddebadged.jpg


Clif adds:

dbdclifdebadged.jpg


Gavin adds:

dbdgavinadds4.jpg

Gavin also adds:

dbdkoolaid.jpg

 

Comments: 175

 
 
 

i do not get this cartoon at all. perhaps someone can explain it in comments?

 
 

She: Here is a scan of my ass. What do you think is wrong with it?

Him: You are obviously badly constipated. You need a real man!

Crowd: Ewwww! Pooping during sex!

 
 

I thought she was smuggling Kilroy in that booty.

First bubble: “Is it just me or is Ann Coulter the white Rupaul?”
Second bubble: “Well, she’s got the Adam’s Apple to swing it. Maybe you should check her C-PACkage.”
Third bubble: “OMG!! It’s tucked like a Bourbon St. stripper!!!”

 
 

Do any of them realize that of conservatives, McCain is most like Reagan?
Appeals to independents and conservative Democrats.
Same position (doesn’t care) on social issues, willing to do nothing to advance social liberalism and science.
Same position on the military. (more is better)
Same position on immigration. (need second class citizens form corporate farms.
etc, etc.

 
 

I see Muir has jumped on the McCain hating bandwagon. Why do so many of the Repubs “opinion makers” hate that guy so much? Seriously, I don’t get it at all. Do they STILL hold a grudge over his opposing torture? Or is it just sour grapes over his beating Mr. 911 and Fred! for the nomination? I don’t like him because he’s a war mongering nut, but I don’t get what would be so objectionable to someone like Muir.

And, yeah this cartoon (if you can even call it that) seriously sucks.

 
Tim (the other one)
 

Her: Thanks for the orthopedic chair hon.

Him: By the time her scoliosis sets in, I’ll be gone like a cool breeze.

Crowd: What about the children ?

 
 

That isn’t “mr. potato head” stuffed down her pants, it’s the “Mr. Kool-Aid “(all you can see is his eyebrows and the top of his nose).

Frosty, no?

 
 

Gundamhead said,

February 10, 2008 at 0:10

And, yeah this cartoon (if you can even call it that) seriously sucks.

The word “cartoon” comes from the Italian word for the type of paper that artists would draw sketches. Since this is a sketch or rough drawing of a sort, it is technically still a cartoon.

It is, however, not a “comic”, because that word implies that it has some comedic value

 
 

I think Mr. Muir has been fapping to so much big-titted anime that he’s forgotten what a real woman looks like.

 
 

Panel 1: “So the doctor says I’ve got all the symptoms of rickets.”
Panel 2: “Don’t worry baby, I got the Vitamin D swingin’!”
Panel 3: The CPAC crowd shows their appreciation for miscegenation

 
 

My best explanation:

The punchline of course refers to Reagan’s statement,”Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” (the Berlin Wall). After that, it gets trickier. I assume that, since McCain is supposedly 180 degrees from Reagan, who was strongly pro-big business, he (McCain) is expressing his anti-business views in the language of Reagan. Reagan’s style, but the exact opposite of his substance. However, it doesn’t really work, because McCain is not (I believe) especially anti-big business in real life. Of course, someone may have come up with something better while I was typing (I only see 2 comments so far).

 
 

panel 1: Holy shit I’m a right wing talk piece but I look and dress like a coffee shop liberal.

panel 2: holy shit, me too, where did get this elitist coffee cup and sheek hipster physique?

panel 3: Fuck, please just let us in the club so we can stop this charade.

 
 

Her: My ass feels like my head’s up in it – but it’s not right now. Maybe someone at CPAC couldn’t find their ass with a flashlight and two hands again, so they wandered into mine?

Him: Nah, everyone I see is still head-assin’ here. And man, Coulter’s really going for it.

Coulter (as crowd speaker): – and then I keep pushing until my head comes out your mouth. Then I can bend over and go up my own ass *again*!

Crowd: Quick! Someone nominate her!

***

a bit much text for the first balloon, but I like it. 🙂

 
 

All this Reagan love reminds me of the end of that Simpsons episode, the one with the cult? Grounds keeper Willie is supposed to be deprogramming Homer, but ends up getting brain washed himself, and at the end the Leader is exposed for a charlatan and liar, but Willie runs after him saying, “Don’t leave, Leader! Willie still believes in you!”

 
 

Edit – Coulter should be saying:

– and then you keep pushing until your head comes out your mouth. Then you can bend over and go up my your ass *again*!

 
 

Panel 1: “You know, I think my ass my even be too hot for …. Ronald Reagan!

Panel 2: “Yeah whatever … I’ll tap it if I feel like it, so shut the fuck up. Reagan would pwn you anyway.

Panel 3a: “You! The chick with the potato head in her pants! Come here!”
Panel 3b: “ffffft”

 
 

This strip is mind-numbingly bad. Is Mr. Wall Street supposed to be Mitt? On the other hand, its just not worth any further thought.

 
 

She: My ass is so swole up I can tell I’m about to birth another Republican talking point!
He: You shit me not! From the looks of it, it’s going to be as big as “fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here” or “they hate us for our freedumb!” Baby’s got back, and it’s about to blow!
Crowd: Blow that shit all over us! More, more, more!

 
 

The way commercial property prices are falling, and commercial mortgages failing, the malls will fall down by themselves (like the Berlin Wall did). God I loathed Regan with his quavering scrachy voice mouthing nauseating platitudes (HT to Flash For Freedom!)

 
 

Panel 1: “Roses are red, violets are blue…”

Panel 2: “…I like peanut butter…”

Panel 3: “Can you swim?”

That’s the only way I can make sense out of that “comic”.

 
 

panel 1: “No matter how many meals I vomit up, I’m still not as emaciated as Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin! That damned pregnancy has disfigured me for life!”

panel 2: “Oh I dunno honey, those portable milk jugs of yours are da bomb. Heh. Heh-heh. Portable milk jugs. *fap* *fap* *fap*”

panel 3: “Strom Thurmond was right! These uppity negroes have ruined our country.”

 
 

I never figured out the Reagan love. I had a Yank girlfriend, an exchange student at Oxford. When Ronnie came to visit she was moist with excitement and I was, like, “Wha-?”

It took one of her Yank pals to explain to her that in my country Reagan was widely regarded as a joke. Even by British conservatives.

However, I gather he made some Americans feel good about themselves, or something. Shame he fucked up your economy so bad that he kick-started the slide from superpower into second-rate power, the one that GWB has metastasized into full-scale decline. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 
 

She: Hey, token? Do you remember some guy from the American Milk Solids Council at the CPAC gig?

He: Guy in a slick suit? Yeah, why?

Speaker: We’ve received an urgent email from a woman with a potato in her pants.

 
 

She: Hey everybody, welcome to ‘NewsBusted,’ I’m Jody Miller..

He: Dear God, you call this comedy?!

Them: the horror, the horror

 
 

Panel 1: “So I hear some lobbyist from the American Dairy Solid Council… or something like that… just took the stage when no one else was up there.”

Panel 2:”Yeah, I never heard of this guy either… who is he again?”

Panel 3: “Can uh… um, someone send golf shoes to my room?… Please? I keep slipping on the blood soaked the carpet.”

* gasp *

 
 

Percy – it’s bad manners to ridicule people who saw the train coming and not only tried to get out of the way but also push the bus full of passengers off the tracks, only to fail because the passengers not only refused to help push but refused to get off the bus. Cut us some slack, dude…we are paying for the sins of others already.

 
 

Hey Percy, as a Britisher, can you give us Yanks some pointers on the whole declining empire thing?

 
 

After “What support will he get?”, just change McCain’s line to: “Depends.”

Hey, someone had to go for the ageist incontinence joke!

 
 

Perhaps the US will be happier as a 2-rate, 3rd-rate power. We can concentrate on quality of life rather than quantity of belongings & weapons. Hmm. I took a vicodin only 1 minute ago. It doesn’t work that fast does it?

 
 

I’m going to have to make use of Jennifer’s most excellent link from the Friday Night (not)Comedy thread.

Her: Babe, I’m scared. It has teeth now! can you see it on my webcam?

Him: My God, it’s one of the worst cases of Goldberg’s Disease I’ve ever seen! What th… what’s happening to your face? Megan?
MEGAN??!!

Voice from stage: NUKE FRANCE! SLAVE LABOR! BURN TRAITORS!
Voice from crowd: Harder! Harder!

 
 

Erm.. here’s the link. Damn spam blocker, I’m a real boy!

 
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism
 

Girl— Hey, conservatards! I’m an Army recruiter! First one to sign up gets a piece of my shapely ass!

Black dude— Don’t even bother, honey! “CPAC” really stands for “Closeted Prick-lickers And Cock-smokers”

Crowd: Hey, look! It’s those three staffers from the Larry Craig campaign. WIDE STANCE, BABY! WIDE STANCE!

 
 

When will The Ghost of Mr. Muir admit that he is too stupid to write an opinion column? When will he realize his lame attempts to convey said opinions in cartoon form make him seem more, rather than less. intelligent?

Anyway, it is so unfunny that I can’t begin to snark upon it.

Other than that “clap” should be “fap.”

 
 

Well Percy, such is our sad state of affairs, running a country with one half of the population kept incommunicado from common sense…

I as a liberal do not and never did understand the love of Reagan, even during his reign. I mean, just for one thing – Iran/Contra. You know, that little thing where he ILLEGALLY SOLD WEAPONS TO TERRORISTS??

I swear, if those red state idiots vote McCain in again, they can keep him. Let’s make it a very polite and civil Civil War – they’re free to go. They can even have Texas.

 
 

Dealing with your empire going into decline is hard. If you keep the hubris, you cannot do it. You have to accept that when the economic basis of an empire is gone, the foreign possessions will go too.

Post-imperial Britain is a much nicer place. National pride is quiet, but firm. After all.. the top dog keeps on having to prove their position at the top. The retired champion can sit back and watch the second tier contenders do their best.

Of course, the economic collapse the US is facing could possibly be even worse than the post war austerity years in Britain. A few hints on dealing with it: 1: Get some nationalised healthcare stat. 2: Start making things and exporting them. 3: Pay off your debt.

 
 

I just noticed the sidebar on the first panel: “World.Com Get Free DBD Books”.

How bad is it when you have to advertise that you can’t even give your books away?

 
 

1– When did I lose six of my ribs?

2– When did I get this “New Jack City” hairstyle?!!

3– “Did you hear that? There’s a black man on the premises!”

 
 

Just out of curiousity, were there actually any women there?

mAnn Coulter doesn’t count.

 
 

If you keep the hubris, you cannot do it.
LET MY PEOPLE GO!

 
 

Just out of curiousity, were there actually any women there?

I know that in past years participants were advised of a BYOB (Bring Your Own Boy) policy, since the local market can’t possibly keep up with demand. Don’t know about the women.

 
 

HER: Don’t you think it’s time you lost the Kid n’ Play fade?

HIM: Don’t crack on the ‘do, bitch. Your hiphugger jeans were the hot new fashion . . . in 1970.

CPAC Crowd: What’s this fashion thing of which you speak?

 
 

She: Seriously, there’s something wrong with my back, you have to help me!

Dr. Foreman from House: I can’t diagnose a medical problem via webcam. No ethical doctor would ever do that!

Dr. Frist (speaking to convention): I diagnose scoliosis!

Audience: (golf clap)

 
 

If I recall correctly, McCain has made a handful of half-heartedly populist statements about people being more important than profits. This has been seized upon as proof that he is the Anti-Reagan. That’s the issue here. It’s mostly a case of finding more reasons to hate him; the real reason is that he’s been publicly opposed to torture, and woe befalls the wingnut who interferes with his brothers’ hardon fuel.

 
 

Bubble in first frame: DESPERATELY SEEKING SPINAL SURGEON/MAGICIAN/CHIROPRACTOR! Can’t…take…much…more…back…pain…

Bubble in second frame: DAMN THAT CARTOON BITCH IF SHE THINKS SHE CAN ALTER MY HANDIWORK.

Bubble in third frame: I managed to find someone to fix me but I’m on the run. Can anyone direct me to a safe house?

 
 

Personally, I blame LBJ for Reagan, if he had just let Goldwater win the election the world would be a nuclear wasteland incapable of sustaining life let alone Ronald Reagan.

 
 

If Chris Muir could actually draw cheesecake, Day by Day would have a redeeming feature.

 
 

Panel 1 – She says: “Hey, look here. Huckabee won Kansas.”

Panel 2 – He says: “That nutjob cracker scares the crap outta me. I’m gonna write in Reagan.”

Panel 3 – Huckabee, out of Frame Says: “Wanna hear me play some bass?”

At least Muir has her a little more decently dressed than usual. A little gratuitous buttcrack, sure, but she delivers 90% of her lines in a thong or less. Reassuring to note he’s still got those weird alien-looking triangles on his face.

But it IS nice to see that even a toady like Muir depicts the attendees of CPAC to be chubby, jowly white men and women…

mikey

 
 

McCain says his speech… will invoke Ronald Reagan!
That would have been a sight to see. The pentacle drawn on the floor with the consecrated chalk… acrid smoke coils up from thuribles… familiars gibber and fart in the corners of the room… the harsh syllables of the Elder Tongue…
Did it work?

 
 

It’s mostly a case of finding more reasons to hate him; the real reason is that he’s been publicly opposed to torture,

Bingo. New submission:

Woman: …where I was tortured repeatedly until my back lost it’s shape and my hips and buttocks became swollen from the constant beatings.

Man: My God, this is horrible. How could this happen here? (next bubble) The people at CPAC must know!

Voice from stage: A terror suspect has been found innocent… and allowed to speak!

Voice from crowd: bitch!

 
 

the real reason is that he’s been publicly opposed to torture,

That’s a problem, but the real hatred for McCain is that he Sided with the devil himself, Ted Kennedy in support of Bush’s “Amnesty” for illegal brown mexifascists. He didn’t seem anywhere near excited about killing, deporting and imprisoning them for not being born here.

Have you guys forgotten all that already?

mikey

 
 

Well, I think it’s sort of a split call on that, mikey. On one hand, yes, he’s John “Amnesty” McCain and he gets a large amount of hate for that. But the fact that he’s commonly treated as a commie pinko capitulator to the lurking threat of dhimmitude, even though he’s about as consistently hawkish as one can get, suggests to me that there’s this really serious and mostly unspoken resentment over his opposition to torture. It’s the only stance he’s ever taken that could be considered “liberal” on foreign policy, and apparently it’s bad enough to make him “180 degrees” from St. Ronnie.

 
 

Panel 1: The CPAC rally and no one there but a few aging preppies and geeks. Some permanent majority!

Panel 2: Don’t be glum, my little swayback. McCain’s about to speak on border control–that’s sure to turn the tide!

Panel 3L: I think it’s stupid but if you want a fence I’ll build a goddamn fence.

Panel 3R: Stupid?!?! Smart enough to dodge the draft, flyboy!

 
 

I think everyone’s overthinking this McCain thing.

They hate him because he had the gall to run against Christ’s second coming, George W. Bush.

 
 

I don’t see anything un-conservative about Mcain. After all, torture is a PR disaster which NEEDS getting rid of. All experts agree: it doesn’t work. Therefore getting rid of it does not compromise national security, and is a PR win. How can that be a loss to a conservative? They have nothing BUT image, so they cannot allow it to be tarnished, surely?

Amnesty for illegal aliens.. well sure. You don’t want to do anything to discourage the constant flow of illegals into the US. After all, how are you going to re-instate the feudal system without peons?

The trouble is.. the conservative movement has used racism, xenophobia and paranoia as tools to get idiots to rally round their cause. But now, the same things are working against them. Their “base” does not consist primarily of people who follow their ideals. It is mostly made up of people who suffer from the mental illnesses which they have exploited, such as racism, religious fundamentalism, etc. etc.

 
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism
 

<i<After all, torture is a PR disaster which NEEDS getting rid of. All experts agree: it doesn’t work.

You could tell every time the crowd cheered at the word “torture”, the CPAC crowd are big fans of the torture that dare not speak its name… the kind practiced by the military juntas in South and Central America.

These people are full of hate. What they’d love is to be able round up and torture all their favourite boogeymen— liberals, left-wingers, union organizers, etc.

They don’t give a shit whether it “works” or not.

It’s the equivalent of PaLo’s “Ledeen Doctrine”:

Every ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we mean business.

These people are bullies. And like most bullies, they are cowards who seek group approval for their hate/violence.

 
 

When you get down to it.. Conservatism is all about money and power. And re-locating it all into the hands of a very small group of people.

The sadism, the bullying, the paranoia, the racism, the sexism, etc. are all side effects of the beliefs that lead them to the central tenets of money and power.

The firm belief that they are better than everyone else, and deserve everything, whilst others are inferior, and deserve nothing.

I think psychiatrists would call that sociopathy? Perhaps with a touch of narcissism. Or perhaps diagnose them as a plain old psychopath.

At any rate, the republican party is the party of untreated anti-social mental illnesses. Now, all these different psychoses and symptoms are pulling in different directions. The paranoid nationalists want the immigrants out.. the racists just want to get away with bullying them as much as possible, and the rich and greedy want even more immigrants so they can have cheap labour to make them even richer. The ’08 candidates have only made the riot in the asylum worse.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

She: “Hey, know what? In these ridiculously tight jeans and with my ludicrously flexible spine, I can rock in such a way that . . . AAHHhh . . . mmm . . .”

He: “I was so totally right to patch your webcam into the CPAC ballroom during George Will’s speech.”

Crowd: “Woot!” *Fap!*

——

And yes, ADB, that’s about as off-topic as it gets. Ain’t you pretty.

 
 

Are many black men worried about protecting Reagan’s legacy where Muir lives?

 
 

I don’t know. I think Muir captured the look of your average Republican with those guys in the right-most panel. The ones who look as if their spongy heads are melting.

 
 

Hey, my macbook pro arriving and letting me take stupid pictures is important stuff.
Or, at least, it means I’ll probably be around this place more often again.

 
 

Pretty hot there, adb. Kinda like the women in my dreams…

mikey

 
 

The question mark at the end of “Mr. Wall Street” adds to the confusion of the whole mess.

 
 

The We Hate McCain Chain Explained.

1. One Lil’ fRighty said “I don’t care for McCain, but he’s better than Hitlery.”

2. That got spun through the fRightWing Truthilizer and the second Lil’ fRighty heard: “I hate McCain! He’s no better than Hitlery!” and cites Lil’ fRighty #1 as his source.

3. More Lil’ fRighties saw that two of their number hate McCain so they began to worry that they weren’t being cool and wouldn’t get invited to the Annual Queer, Immigrant & Poor Person Bashing Ball, so they stopped gobbling Cheetoes and said “Yeah! We hate McCain too!”

4. Now a dozen Lil’ fRighties are all shouting about how much they hate McCain and all the rest had to leap on the Drive Over the Straight Talk Express With a Train bandwagon lest they not be allowed to hang out at the kool kids klub.

And that’s how the We Hate McCain Chain works.

 
 

Percy – it’s bad manners to ridicule people who saw the train coming and not only tried to get out of the way but also push the bus full of passengers off the tracks, only to fail because the passengers not only refused to help push but refused to get off the bus. Cut us some slack, dude…we are paying for the sins of others already.

America has just about had it’s day and there are those who will not be sad as the sun sets on the USA’s imperial phase. Just as there were those that laughed as the Union Flag ran down on Britain’s empire. There were, of course, moments of goodness and greatness, until hubris set in. Now it’s time for a little chaos until the next world order emerges.

I’d strap in for a bumpy ride, if I were you. Not all of us here (and I include myself and my family in that) are going to make it.

Hey Percy, as a Britisher, can you give us Yanks some pointers on the whole declining empire thing?

Yes, expect a lot of anger and denial. Expect symbolic and expensive gestures to try and maintain the fiction of supremacy. These will only accelerate the decline. Expect that it will take fifty years for folks to come round to the idea that you are no longer a great power, but at the same time watch out for some flag-waving assholes to emerge and try and resurrect the past.

Those last fuckers are dangerous. Ours was called Thatcher.

 
 

“The paranoid nationalists want the immigrants out.. the racists just want to get away with bullying them as much as possible, and the rich and greedy want even more immigrants so they can have cheap labour to make them even richer.”

Don’t forget the religious nutters ya’ll shipped over here starting 400 years ago. Sorry if I forgot to say thanks.

 
 

And they hate McCain because they think he isn’t sufficiently batshit crazy enough when it comes to hating ‘illegal’ immigrants. It’s all fine to want to bomb darkies over there…but what about the ones over here? You can’t flipflop on that sort of issue if want the winger vote. All brown people are dire threats and must treated that way.

If you (were self-hating enough to have) watched McCain’s speech the other day, it’s only when he tried to explain his former stance on immigration that wingers began to hoot like howler monkeys and fling poo.

 
 

Panel 1–McCain says his speach at the CPAC conservative rally will invoke…Ronald Reagan!

Panel 2–McCain seems like a loser and makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know why.

Panel 3—And the torture didn’t bother me at all! It was like water up my nose!

 
 

[i]Don’t forget the religious nutters ya’ll shipped over here starting 400 years ago. Sorry if I forgot to say thanks.[/i]

Hey, we didn’t force them.. Don’t blame us for hating their guts so much they left.

 
 

Yes, expect a lot of anger and denial. Expect symbolic and expensive gestures to try and maintain the fiction of supremacy. These will only accelerate the decline. Expect that it will take fifty years for folks to come round to the idea that you are no longer a great power, but at the same time watch out for some flag-waving assholes to emerge and try and resurrect the past.

Anger, denial. Check.

Symbolic, expensive. Check and double check.

Fifty years. Well, if we start with Nixon … Damn, still a decade or so to go.

Watch for time warp dwelling flag wavers. Check, double check, super duper check.

Time to make more popcorn and clean our guns.

 
 

I should have said *another* fifty years. It takes a while to flush the ache for the Golden Age out of the system. I had to deal with this effluvium growing up in the ‘sixties.

 
 

Don’t forget the religious nutters ya’ll shipped over here starting 400 years ago. Sorry if I forgot to say thanks.

We didn’t ship ’em. They went of their own accord as soon as the Commonwealth of the Godly fell and they realized the state wouldn’t allow them get their hate on any more.

 
 

Hey, is that Al Gore in the last panel? What’s he doing there?

 
 

I wonder if the real reason they hate McCain is because of his brown-skinned daughter.

 
 

Well, if the 2nd Iraq War equals the 2nd Boar War, then we got a good half a decade until the 1st Battle of the Marne. No worries.

 
 

The trouble with the decline of the American Empire, is so many Americans are in denial that it IS an empire. Since it consists mostly of economics, puppet leaders, and political bullying, it is not seen as equivalent to a more obvious empire of actual annexed nations. Only the wingnuts are proud to call it an empire, but most Americans accept this undue influence as their birthright as The Greatest Nation On Earth (TM).

The idea of American exeptionalism is the big problem, NOT a belief in the power of an empire.

That idea can only really die after the empire collapses. It will be the exeptionalism that stops the process of starting up normal diplomatic and economic relationships with formerly opressed countries.

The concept of American Exceptionalism should die with the domestic american economy. It is already hard enough seeing the Canadians next door enjoying vastly superior healthcare, but now their dollar is worth as much as the greenback!

War is not offering the promised boost to national confidence. No easy victories can be had. Asymmetric warfare now offers more and more advantages to the underdog. Demoralising America’s volunteer army to the point of making them unable to gain enough new recruits is almost a trivial task. For all the bloated budget, the US military lacks enough bodies to manage any occupation of even a small country.

US media and culture has been historically insular. Major news sources still do their best to prepatrate this, but the growing dominance of the internet threatens it. You are listening to the political pontification of an unemployed nobody in Britain. How often did an American get exposed to that kind of outside opinion in say, 1980? Now, it is commonplace.

All of these things can gradually erode the idea of exeptionalism. However, the main crusader for american superiority is.. “The war on today’s ill-defined enemy” As each war looses its lustre, the right wing noise machine declares another one. This process will stop working when the noise machine is drowned out by Americans calling for war on the enemies which are purely of American creation. The economy.. The credit crisis, The healthcare crisis.. the civil rights crisis.

American exeptionalism is not a belief which can acknowledge that problems can come from within American society and politics. All threats must be external. This has lead Americans to do their best to ignore internal problems for as long as possible, making them grow, and fester, until they cannot be ignored. Then comes the riots, the backlash, the chaos, and the rapid social change.

I think the US is currently working its way up to another social revolution.

 
 

Panel 1: Do you think my ass looks enough like Ann Coulter’s now?
Panel 2: I know Ann Coulter honey, and your ass is no Ann Coulter.

Panel 3a (above the crowd) Miss Hathaway, we’re reps from Regenery!
3b- “sheeeple…”

 
 

Well, whatever the reason they hate McCain, it proves just how toothless Limpballs and co. really are. They went after him with everything they had, and he STILL came out ahead. Even if he doesn’t win the Presidency (and I pray that he doesn’t) he can have the satisfaction of knowing that he stuck it to the talk radio spewers, taking everything they could throw at him, making Romney and Guilianni waste millions of dollars and beating them in the end.

Suck it down Blimp-Boy.

 
 

Welcome home, Leo. If I go to CPAC next year to well, do what I wish you did, would you like to hang out, or would you rather not see me?

I suppose I read some things too literally. Here’s a few things you previewed:

“spill his martini on Doug Giles”

“I want to say something to Michelle Malkin that will make her tongue swell up.”

“I want to start a betting pool about when Ann Coulter will call someone a sand-nigger.” (In all fairness, I suppose you kind of did this one).

“I want to describe to Ben Shapiro what sex with a lady is like.”

I guess you can see part of the reason I was disappointed. So, next year — me and you? Honest invitation. I can probably afford it.

 
 

Dur-Ick: offspring of Gay Rupert and Saul

 
 

Sorry, but everyone so far is getting wrong the first reason for the McCain hate. It ain’t the torture or the immigrants, those are just additional reasons/excuses.

No, the primary reason is: McCain/Feingold.

They just hate anyone who cuts off a means of financial power. He touched the money spigot, and cranking down the money spigot is the third rail of the Republican party.

 
 

When I left the US, Derek, we were very seriously about killing commies and standing firm for america.

When we discovered the reality of combat, it stopped being so much about accomplishing the goals so easily described in the safety of a training base, and became more about how to get each other through the ordeal.

You can stand there, in your stupid safe place and challenge Mr. Pierce and the American Milk Solids Council, or you can step up to the plate and show us all, Mr. Pierce and the commentariat, how its fuckin done.

From where I sit? You look like a know it all coward with a bunch of theories and no wisdom. Get in the fucking game or shut the fuck up.

And I mean that with all the love and care I can proffer. You just can’t make the call from outside the event. You know?

mikey

 
 

Derek, I … I ask this as gently as I can: do you know how comedy works? For example, there is this thing called “hyperbole”, in which you exaggerate something for comic effect. As an illustration: it is physically impossible for me to actually say something that would make Michelle Malkin’s tongue swell up. And if I somehow were able to accomplish this, I would physically expelled from the premises, thus ending the potential for future comedy and sort of obviating the whole point of the trip to CPAC.

I don’t mean to be pedantic or anything, but I feel like you might enjoy this site a lot more if you understood our Earth humor. (Did you know that Jonah Goldberg is not actually made of dough?)

 
 

(Did you know that Jonah Goldberg is not actually made of dough?)

Liar.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

Mister Leonard, are you by any chance a teacher in one of your other lives? Because you’re dealing with Derek in the way an exceptionally patient, selfless, in-it-for-the-right-reasons, do-it-for-the-kids instructor would. I happen to be a teacher, and a relatively patient/selfless one, come to that. But by now I would have told Derek to STFU until he has something meaningful to contribute.

 
 

Leo, there’s a big difference between telling Michelle “something that makes her tongue swell up” and timidly asking for an autograph. Don’t pretend like there’s no middle ground there. Anyways, if I go next year, I promise to do these pranks and more. If I get kicked out on the first day, you’d still be there to handle the rest. So, meet up?

 
Smiling Mortician
 

The trouble with the decline of the American Empire, is so many Americans are in denial that it IS an empire.

True that, random idiot. But I have some mildly good news. In my freshman comp classes, I often have students read Orwell’s “Shooting an Elephant,” after which we discuss imperialism. Just a few years back, when I asked students to list some major empires, they’d give me the predictables (Roman, Ottoman, British) and ignore the one their (or their parents’) tax dollars support. The past couple of years? With no prompting from me (I swear), “American” is their first response — and not with pride.

 
 

Much respect to you Leonard, for sticking it out for three days. Personally, I would have been a much more active participant, striking up conversations and encouraging people to bring out their worst sides, Borat style.

Yes, I would have ended up heckling the speakers, throwing a drink at somebody, or making an unprintable sexual suggestion to one of the shrivelled up harpies.

Why? Because I know I couldn’t manage to endure three days of that. Three hours perhaps. I would want to get dragged out by security before I lost my mind. Tell Dick Cheney to go fuck himself. Go out in a blaze of glory.

To sit and watch for three days would be a self inflicted torture I could not willingly undertake.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

So, meet up?

Derek, I just don’t think MLP is that into you.

 
 

Dur-Ick: offspring of Gay Rupert and Saul

Dereck, son of Slothrop.

 
 

Random Idiot, that’s exactly what I wanted too. Unfortunately, Leo seems to think so much as an askew glance will get him kicked out.

Parts of this series I really enjoyed: the parts that required Leo actually being there. His observations about he saw and the few people he interacted with.

That ended up being, what, 5% of the series? Anyways, I’m up for the challenge to do it next year. Having said that, I’m going to drop out of these comments for obvious reasons. Never read them before, and I’m glad. Reading the front page is enough. See you guys next year.

 
 

Dur-Ick : Not if we see you Frist.

I am curious: Why come to a snark site, insult other commenters’, then expect to be treated with respect?

 
 

the CPAC crowd are big fans of the torture that dare not speak its name… What they’d love is to be able round up and torture all their favourite boogeymen— liberals, left-wingers, union organizers, etc.
They don’t give a shit whether it “works” or not.

Torture works well in the sense of “proving beyond all doubt that my perspective on the world is the only one that counts; whereas your perspective is not only inferior, but in fact doesn’t exist any more”.
Elaine Scarry argues along these lines, though with more eloquence, in The Body in Pain.

It does seem weird that the US right-wing are keen to repudiate Bush (“not really a conservative”), at the same time as they insist that each candidate must prove his conservative credentials by embracing the Bush-Cheney legacy (reviving torture and abrogating the Geneva Conventions).
Surely there are other touchstones, shibboleths, signifiers of conservative identity they could use.

 
 

Derek, you raise a genuine question.

You ever been on night ambush?

You see some movement. You’ve got the clacker and the M60. Your colleagues are trying to sleep. Do you trip a claymore? Do you open up with your gun? Do you light everybody up? Or do you sit tight, and wait to see. Wrong answer and your dead. Your friends are dead. But get it wrong a few times, and you can’t get it right when you need to? So what’s the right answer? Fight? Or observe?

You, young man, make it into an easy game because, well you haven’t got the balls to BE THERE YOUSELF. You see how this isn’t about YOU, fuckwad?

Thank you, miss puss. When you want to get in the game, I’ll be happy to flank you going in. Meantime? Shut the FUCK up….

mikey

 
 

Man oh man, do I not get this. Judging from some of the earlier comments, MLP and Derek seem to know each other, somehow, so there might be something going on that the rest of us don’t get. But I just can’t understand bitching that a writer isn’t writing exactly the way you want him to write. I really, really liked these pieces. I also really, really like P.G. Wodehouse, but it would never fucking occur to me to write MLP and say “Hey! You should make this more Wodehousey!”

And pranks? THAT’S what you wanted? Dude’s a writer, not Alan Funt. I’m sorry you got some damn fine, funny, angry prose instead of Mark Steyn getting Punk’d.

 
 

Regardless of how we would have reacted ourselves in that situation.. Regardless of what we would have felt the urge to do.. Leonard went to that conference as a reporter. His aim was to observe and report, rather than be a real participant.

That was obviously not an easy thing to do. Yet, he managed to do it. By drinking the kool-ade and taking the oxycontin, he was able to really experience the full horror of three days in the company of the most odious people in America. And he reported it all back to us.

To tear in there determined to cause trouble or to provoke some reaction would have made for a great post, but only one. Just a snippet of what goes on inside these peoples minds, not a full catalogue of the insidious horrors on display.

It must have taken discipline and courage to stick with the plan, and stick at it for three days. And the result, the report from inside the belly of the beast, was great reading.

 
 

Panel1: McCain says his speech at CPAC will invoke Reagan.

Panel2: Man’s 180° from Reagan. What support will he get?

Panel3, McCain: Slobber. Chuckle. Random musing. Slobber. Chuckle. Blank stare. Fart.
Audience – Blank Stare. Thunderous Applause. Fart.

 
 

is that woman in the last frame wearing a muslim head scarf?

 
 

Derek must really like the taste of his foot, because he can’t help but keep putting it in his mouth.

 
 

Alright, I just grabbed Mister Leonard Pierce’s coat tails in a post at my own blog. Go see, if only for the kickass Ralph Steadman illustration I snagged to go along with it.

 
 

Wow, check it out. Vin Scully said “Dude!” Uh huh huh huh.

 
 

First Panel: Wow! Speeches from Horowitz, Malkin, Bush and Cheney.

Second Panel: And for the finale Ann Coulter is going tho scull-fuck McCain with a strap-on.

Third Panel: “The Aristocrats”

(Clap Clap)

 
 

I enjoyed Leonard’s report. And fuck anyone who complains it was overly wordy or prolix. Isn’t that the point of an observational piece? But I could have lived without all the drug references. A little bit of drug humor goes a long way. I’m all for adults doing whatever they want to themselves and other consenting adults privately. But I’ve seen too many lives destroyed through synthetic opiate abuse to think it is funny or clever. I hope Mr. Pierce develops his CPAC adventure into a full length publication. If you do, please tone down the drug angle. And thank you for your outstanding effort.

 
 

I read Mr Pierce’s claims about his opiate abuse as a parody of (or homage to) the Fear & Loathing style, and as a reminder that some things cannot be borne without pain-killers.
In other news, it’s time for The First Drink of the Day!

 
 

If you do, please tone down the drug angle.

See, this is interesting. You don’t have the sand to go do the deed, but you think you should somehow have the power to define the rules. What kind of chickenshit crap is this?

Tell ya what, mister too good and too much to lose. Get out of your safe little place and take on what Mr. Pierce took on. Then come back and tell us all about the rules you followed and the places you just would not go.

Come on now. Just who the FUCK do you think you are?

Lemme guess. You sent a few hundred bucks down to the red cross, ’cause it was just too nasty and messy and SCARY to actually go to NoLo on your own, right?

Outside of selecting your own lawn mower, what have YOU risked? What have you put on the line? What are you willing to lose, mister I know all the rules?

Oh. Lemme guess. You’d go but your wife won’t let you.

Mr. Pierce did something. He risked something. He spent something to get there. So know what, mister oh my the drugs scare my children?

Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and let some people with courage and conviction teach you something about the world.

Dammit, these clowns piss me off…

mikey

 
 

I very much enjoyed Leonard’s reports. They were funny clever and well-written: especially if he was under the influence! I admire what he did and said as well. What is more, the frequency of the posts was wonderful.

How little ‘D’ could complain about writing style & contend, then say we S,N readers were too dumb to…what? complain? Ish! Maybe troll isn’t the right label. Maybe he’s a gnome or ogre.

 
 

The fact is, excuse me? The USA is a FIRST RATE POWER. Always has been, always will be. God is with us. Liberals hate God, hence they are NOT with us. We need to shut up liberals who want to bias discourse away from reasonable dialog and fair and balanced reasoning. They do not like those who tell truth about abortion and the gays. That they are death. Would liberals like a taste of the death? Lets see.

 
 

How little ‘D’ could complain about writing style & contend, then say we S,N readers were too dumb to…what? complain? Ish! Maybe troll isn’t the right label. Maybe he’s a gnome or ogre.

Or a Moron?

 
 

. . . Or one of those PhDs who teach English in Jr. College and really resent their brilliance being wasted on 2-year college students. I had a couple as teachers long ago. They were always bitching about my use of ellipses. Poopyheads.

 
 

Woah, your not holding back tonight mikey!

Seriously though.. tut tutting about drug references in a piece of gonzo journalism is a bit… Suburban. I’ve been friends with people who had heroin habits, and it doesn’t bother me one bit. Why should it? Prescription uppers and downers are part of the culture which Leonard was writing about. Taking those drugs, describing the effects of them.. all adds colour to the story. Relevant colour too. As I say, these drugs are part of the white picket fence nightmare.

The nod towards “fear and loathing” is obvious, but it isn’t a rip off. Leonard isn’t the ether huffer, stumbling around in public, laughed at, whilst in his own world. No, he takes the pills to go INTO the world of the people around him. That is the impression it left me with anyway.

 
 

Leonard Pierce is fucking myrmidon for doing this. The series totally has to be put into one document, and saved for posterity. Or a book or something, like what the Editors did with Keyboard Kommandos.

 
 

It’s sexy? Got that? YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS.

 
 

Derek, Self-Proclaimed Ultimate Arbiter of the Sadly, No! Aesthetic: A Retrospective in Utter Cluelessness About the Sadly, No! Aesthetic

Derek, February 7, 2008 at 19:48:

What I am about to write, I write as a daily reader of Sadly, No! A huge fan, really.

Derek, February 7, 2008 at 19:49:

To add one more thing: S,N! became hugely popular with a certain writing style, a consistent tone and general aesthetic. And this sure as hell isn’t it.

Derek, February 9, 2008 at 1:10 [This one’s particularly off-base, as anyone who has spent time here knows the site’s protection of commenter anonymity is rigorously enforced doctrine.]:

Leonard, I trust that you have the ability to figure out who I am, and you can easily find at least some of my published writing. If you do though, I ask you to please refrain from publicly ridiculing me about it. I really want to remain anonymous.

Derek, February 10, 2008 at 5:08:

I’m going to drop out of these comments for obvious reasons. Never read them before, and I’m glad. Reading the front page is enough.

Derek, long time reader, first time troll, perpetually misguided pedant.

 
 

Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and let some people with courage and conviction teach you something about the world.

Damn.

mikey.

Damn.

Your words are not only going to “li’l d” our troll, but straight into my own heart.

 
 

If gary doesn’t stop threatening, I will take him apart brick by brick, like a Lego toy.

 
 

Harry Cheddar is neither troll nor clown. He did not object to the drug references in toto; he stated that for him they were overstated. Let’s not beat on our own.

 
 

Her: There must be a lawyer who specializes in misplaced tramp stamps.

Him: Maybe some liposuction will realign it, You know, like McCain is realigning the GOP.

Next: Mr. Gorbachev trim down that ass.

Jeezus.

 
 

MIKEY: “Tell ya what, mister too good and too much to lose. Get out of your safe little place and take on what Mr. Pierce took on.”

I accept your challenge, under the following conditions:

1. The assignment is reasonably like what Mr. Pierce took on;

2. The journal I produce is carried by Sadly, No and I hold all future publishing and embellishment rights;

3. The assignation takes place after May, 2008; and

4. You are in attendance for at least one day (or more, if you decide I’m not a giant asshole, or contrariwise).

Name your time and place, sir.

 
 

Bubble 1: Exposed midriffs are the brown shirts of liberal fascism.

Bubble 2: Negroes are the Herrenvolk of liberal fascism.

Bubble 3: Sorry CPAC, Paul Weyrich will not be performing his leather queen show this evening…”GASP”

 
 

Her: LOL MCCAIN HATES TEH CAPTIALISM

Him: ROFLMAO L33T COMMIE !!!!!!1ONE1!!!

McCain: OMGWTF A SPECTER IS HAUNTING CPAC

Crows: [farts]

 
Tim (the other one)
 

I’m sensing Cheetos in the Sadly, No house. It’s making me uncomfortable.

 
 

Smiling Mortician – nah, I’m not a teacher. But I am a writer who often gets assignments that require me to explain things in very simple terms.

Derek — did I ask for Michelle Malkin’s autograph? I did not. Did I say “Hey, everybody, stay tuned for my trip to CPAC, where I will go all Ashton Kutcher on the Young America’s Foundation!” I don’t believe I did. I did what I set out to do, which is attend CPAC and write about it from a Sadlynosian perspective, and I think I did an okay job. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but what do you want, your money back? Feel free to attend yourself next year (or even this year at CPAC West, in October); I’m sure we’re all looking forward to seeing what you can do.

Random Idiot – that’s fair enough. One of my regrets in this series is that I didn’t’ get more active interviews, but my style is a lot more observational and analytical than confrontational. Except when I get into fights, which I was on the verge of doing on the last day (of, astonishingly, FOUR, not three!).

Vin Scully – I don’t know Derek, but I know who Derek is. He is relying on my good nature not to tell everyone, which I won’t do, because that’s my word. Someday he’ll run into someone who’s not quite so polite.

Also, yeah, I mean – there’s already guys who go to CPAC and do the confrontational video stuff, like Max Blumenthal and Mike Stark. (You know what happens to Mike Stark every year, Derek? That’s right! He gets thrown out.) If you wanna read their stuff, it’s out there. It just seems more interesting to me to take a different approach than to just ape what other people are already doing.

Mikey – man, thanks for havin’ my back. I think Harry Cheddar’s entitled to his opinion on the drug angle, it’s all fair enough if he’d do it differently, but I make my own choices in my own writing and I live with ‘em. But at any rate, there’s no one around here I’d want down with me if some shit flies than you.

Anyway, I desperately need sleep and the knowledge that I won’t have to spend tomorrow with a bunch of these right-wing dipshits. Thanks again for your kind words, and good fucking night from San Antone.

 
 

Strangefate about the CPAC attendees: “The ones who look as if their spongy heads are melting.”

Now who fits into that category better than McCain? Seriously, his head looks as though someone took it from Madame Tussaud’s and set it on the hearth in front of a roaring fire.

 
 

Thanks for your reports, Leonard Pierce. I couldn’t go there. I did go to a super church to listen to a speech by the fundamentalist son of Madlyn Murray O’Hair. I learned more by listening than I would have by getting thrown out immediately. Different strategies for different situations.

 
Tim (the other one)
 

Leonard, if you’re still around. I dug your reports. I don’t see the need to second guess the situation. It was entertaining and I didn’t have any expectations.

 
 

“Skinny jeans, my ass”
“yes dear. Also, can you believe CNN?”
“Dear god we’ve fucked up the country.” “CLAP”

 
Sadly No & The Publishing Industry
 

I accept your challenge, under the following conditions… 2: The journal I produce is carried by Sadly, No and I hold all future publishing and embellishment rights

This could be a deal breaker.

 
 

Leonard, thanks immensly for your contribution and I hope to see much more of you featured on S,N! And as for your drug references, pretty mild in my opinion. Next time try the opiates with couple lines of crank, a couple of cannabis cookies, and a hip flask containing your choice of fine beverage, with psilocybin mushrooms optional. That’d be about halfway to Gonzo and that’s probably as far as anyone need to go.

 
 

MLP – if you’re ever in the Bay Area let us know and I’ll buy you a drink. You deserve many, many, many drinks.

 
 

Her: If you want me to go back to that convention I’m going to need more drugs.
Him: Baby, you know I can’t let ’em see you like that.
From stage: Blah blah blah Reagan blah blah…
From off-panel: THUD!

 
 

As I say, these drugs are part of the white picket fence nightmare … No, [Mr Leonard Pierce] takes the pills to go INTO the world of the people around him.
If I’m ever called upon to write about the experience of attending a scientific conference, much of the report will end up as descriptions of my consumption of vasopressin / cognitive enhancers / attention modulators while I struggle to keep up with the genuinely smart people.

 
 

FWIW, I read MLP’s reports with mirth and interest from Australia. Well done, sir.

 
 

Q. Who the fuck is “Derek”?

A. Not a regular.
B. A troll regular with a new nom de plume.
C. An illiterate pissed off Malkin fan.

 
 

OneMan:

Her: If you want me to go back to that convention I’m going to need more drugs.
Him: Baby, you know I can’t let ‘em see you like that.
From stage: Blah blah blah Reagan blah blah…
From off-panel: THUD!

We have a winnah!

 
 

First Frame: So I am thinking about getting a trap stamp tat- I was thinking of sort of a biker ” Broken Spine 4 Life” or something what do you think?

Second Frame: I think you should get a picture of Reagan riding a flying red white and blue unicorn from heaven, setting fire to San Francisco and reducing capital gains taxes.

Third frame: This just announced- a tattoo has won the popular vote in the Republican primary, beating out John McCain.

 
 

Sadly No & The Publishing Industry said,

“This could be a deal breaker.”

Fair enough. I haven’t earned the right to ask for that. And I’m not claiming my journal would necessarily be better than anyone elses.

I’ve been knocking around left blogistan since Bartcop and Media Whores Online were the only games in town. I was commenting on this blog long before Mikey showed up. In the real world my writing has been published in legal journals in the US and Great Britain. That’s who the fuck I am. And so what?

Point is, I said Leonard’s piece was great. But my personal opinion was the over-emphasis on the drug angle detracted from it. And for that mild criticism, I’m a troll? A coward who never risked anything? I need to stfu?

Bullshit.

Offer still stands, Mikey. Only I’m not drinking that fucking scotch. Bushmills Black is the current BOC (yeah, I know its a blend, but damn its tasty).

 
 

Love the Aristocrats version! Winner!

As for Derek, well, launching the assault the way you did probably isn’t too clever, but I’m a bit surprised by the sheer aggression of the responses. Surely there’s a number of us who didn’t find the dispatches all that funny; the drug references were hackneyed, and it doesn’t seem Leonard struck up a proper conversation with anyone. All a bit labored, really, and in need of some tighter editing to ensure the good stuff there stands out a bit.

I think the biggest failing is that CPAC was probably a pretty dull affair, and that even the rightwing nutjobs attending, when on home turf, are more often than not, relatively personable, and not particularly funny. As a veteran of innumerable right wing shindigs, from private equity forums all the way to the Middle East defence expos and even Davos itsef, covering these events is generally tedious, and trying to find humor can be really, really tricky. It’s also quite offputting when you discover people you want to portray as personifications of evil are charming, intelligent and occasionally witty. This is especially true of the weapons shows, where the majority of reps, while merchants of death, are just chain-smoking, high stressed sales people — usually ex-forces — trying to make a living like in any field.

Still, I’d agree Leonard could have made more effort needed to get close to the folks, and the Milk Solids cover, while pretty cool, has a problem; even the soul-less CPAC delegates are turned off by reps from a really dull industry (they won’t get the joke, fine, but they still ain’t going to strike up a chat with an industry drone). Better approach would be to come as an Albanian reporter (they love Bush in Albania) or somesuch, and interview absolutely everyone you can. A bit Borat, I know, but he didn’t start the faux naive comedy thing, just perfected it. And it would work a lot better than sub-Hunter S gonzo stuff, which is far more cliched in my book. No, wait. A rep from something more heinous, but more sexy, such as a company making microwave torture devices* could work, but the journalism front gives you better access and the right to ask obnoxious questions with relative impunity.

We frequently attend events pretending to be something other than humdrum journalists: favourites so far have been professional horologists (not, as my friend insisted, “an expert in whores”) and “the guy who calculates launch windows for the Arianne rocket programme”. The last one was a doozy.

Anyway, just my 2 cents, becasue, while I love Sadly No!, and did think Derek’s comments a bit intemperate, I dread to think that this site is the kind of place that brooks no criticism, and is home to the same sort of linear groupthink that dominates the rightwing cretinweb.

Al.

* I’ve actually met this guy. American, very pro, former marine, and quite sweet really. Go figure.

 
 

Horses for courses…. and so forth….

 
 

Damn.

Too many backseat drivers, too much woulda, coulda, shoulda.

I thought Mr. Pierce’s piece was the fucking bomb.

If y’all want to go to CPAC or another such conference and do it a different way, and write about it, go for it. As for “The Beast is Red”, I thought it fucking rocked.

 
 

Yeah, anyone who wants to do the thing differently should go ahead and do it. Write it up, put it on your blog, see what happens. It sounds like fun. Telling others how to do it, not so much fun.

As for those who think they can use the liberal vices against us–politeness, affinity for logic, reasoning, and jokes–you’re eight years too late.

 
 

atheist said,

February 10, 2008 at 15:46

Damn.

Too many backseat drivers, too much woulda, coulda, shoulda.

I thought Mr. Pierce’s piece was the fucking bomb.

If y’all want to go to CPAC or another such conference and do it a different way, and write about it, go for it. As for “The Beast is Red”, I thought it fucking rocked.

Seriously… and haven’t any of you fucking whiners heard of EDITING before?!?! Jesus Christ, you make it sound like this is the final, end all, be all, draft. If any of you dumbfucks were actually the oh so serious writers that you claim, you’d realize that this is not the case. I saw several spelling and grammatical mistakes, which I simply wrote off as being a “rough draft”.

 
 

Sorry, just wanted to point out that her posture is identical to the monitor’s and that had I been at the conference I so would have rocked. As would have my writing.

 
 

Strange, I searched for but couldn’t find the part of this site where it says “Thou shalt not proffer the posters constructive criticism.”

 
 

[added a remix, btw]

 
 

Gavin – love the remix. Could you add the Aristocrats version?

And thanks for “Bo-Peeping” Amanda Carpenter a few days back (if that was you who did the photo editing). Totally cracked my shit up.

 
 

Oh, the Amanda Carpenter was Clif. (My work lately has tended toward the obscure and dull, alas.)

 
 

Surely there’s a number of us who didn’t find the dispatches all that funny; the drug references were hackneyed, and it doesn’t seem Leonard struck up a proper conversation with anyone. All a bit labored, really, and in need of some tighter editing to ensure the good stuff there stands out a bit. — Al_In_Arabia

Those who can’t do, critique.

 
You_Can_Call_Me_Al
 

Al in Arabia,

Thank you oh so much for dropping by to inject a much needed world-weary sigh into the comment thread. I missed you at Davos this year but, like I was saying to Bobbie Redford at Sundance, everything one reads these days seems so tedious, hackneyed, cliched, and more than a bit labored. Top-notch writing is so hard to find! Well, Celeste LaVie (who is not, as one of my friends believes, a woman from France – isn’t that one a doozy!).

Hope to see you at the Hamptons this summer so we can jointly heave a world-weary sigh at everything. Come to think of it, though, the Hamptons themselves are a tad cliched. Shall we rendevous in Dubai instead?

Tedious though it must be for you, please keep saving us all from linear groupthink!

Ciao ’til Dubai, dahlink!

 
 

The concern troll critiques of Mr. Pierce’s dispatches remind me of the joke.

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One million and one.

One to change the lightbulb and one million to stand below him and say, “I could do it better.”

 
 

Can’t do what? Write, or edit?

 
 

Or?

 
 

Alinarabia,

your “critique” comes off a tad overly serious and aloof, sort of like someone telling me why I should not find the Three Stooges or pro wrestling entertaining … or why everybody knows that [select a cultural icon] is not really that kool … or why [band x] is so much better than [band y].

 
 

Harry, if you’re still around. Didn’t mean to jump in your shit, and yeah, you have every right to say what you think. Hell, I’m nobody to correct anybody. I guess it was just the cumulative effect of a whole buncha peeps who were NOT there and did not put it out there tellin the one dood who WAS there how to do what he was doing his way, y’know? Just, somehow, didn’t seem right. Or even the point.

But I’m sorry for baggin ya. Not what I should be doing round these parts…

mikey

 
 

Chris Muir must have a hard time reproducing those women’s bodies– after tracing he has to remove all the robot tentacles from the relevant orifices.

 
 

THE CAH-TOON.

Her: My butt’s lit up like a black velvet Thomas Kincaide.

Him: I’ve had loose, pebbly stools for a fortnight.

Crowd: Ozymandias !! Grecian Urn !!

 
 

In re: McCain – yeah, I agree with Jennifer. I think the conservatives hate McCain because He ran against Bush, he adopted a black child with his wife and he actually has principles as regards torture. But he’s still trying to get their approval, so they have a chance to hurt him for it.

And mind you, I’m not buying into the ‘straight-talk express’ – McCain’s a panderer, just as bad or even worse than the other GOP candidates because he has had *more* integrity to sell out, and he’s sold all of it and is running his soul on credit.

They’ve really bought into “You’re either with us or against us”. The worst part of it, I’m guessing, is that he’s off the reservation *and* he’s a war hero. And that just causes the kind of cognitive dissonance which shatters the conservative worldview, leaving the underlying fear and greed exposed like raw frayed nerves.

And also, McCain is symbolic of the fact that the hard-core conservatives are not running the GOP this election. And they’re really, really upset and crankly about it. And they really would rather lose than win with a candidate they can’t convince themselves they like. Which kind of explains how their candidate has done so much damage in the last 8 years – he’d rather destroy everything than admit he could possibly be wrong.

 
 

Can I just say, I hate the “hey Kool-Aid!” man with the white-hot hatred of a thousand suns usually reserved for clowns and mimes? Even the briefest glimpse creates in me an irresistable desire to grab a harpoon gun…

 
 

Fair enough. Just felt the pieces could do with a little editing, is all.
Call-me-Al, thanks for the deflate. Sorry, not going to make the Hamptons (maybe Cannes?), but please, let’s skip Dubai. It’s so 2005, don’t you think? Besides, what with people getting banged up for FOUR years for possession of 0.003g of hash (that’s approaching microscopic) can’t see it being much of a party city.

 
You_Can_Call_Me_Al
 

Cannes it is!

You’re welcome for the deflate. And, I hope you return the favor if you ever see that I need some deflation.

Ciao, encore.

 
 

ROFFLMAO!

OHHHH YEAAAAAA!

 
 

after tracing he has to remove all the robot tentacles from the relevant orifices.

So the first step to creating a Day By Day is for Muir to insert robot tentacles into his orifices? That sounds about right.

 
 

No, first step for Chris is ingesting ketamine. Lots of ketamine.

 
a concerned citizen
 

When I look up from your thighs
I see his eyes a funny kind of yellow
I rush home to bed I soak my head
I see his face above your ass pillows
I wake next morning, tired, still yawning
And he’s on the rump of a scoliotic widow

Pictures of Kool-Aid Men in You
Mirages of Kool-Aid Men in You
All I ever see is them in you

 
 

So to sum it up alinarabia and Harry Cheddar and even Derek got to have their say. There was a bit of a kerfuffle but nothing really serious as far as I can tell. I’ve seen far worse, this is nothing. What I like about SN is that people are usually able to settle their differences without going ape shit or completely alienating everyone else.

One thing to keep in mind though is that if you don’t comment very often and you jump in and start criticizing you are going to be perceived as “not of the group” and possibly a troll. That is just the nature of online communities. It has happened to me, I don’t post much, I just don’t have the time, but I’ve had comments of mine interpreted as trolling. It happens ::shrugs:: waddayagonnado?

Thanks for the series from CPAC Leonard, I enjoyed it.

 
 

That’s it. noen is off my (imaginary) blog roll!

 
 

(With apologies to the guy who did the LJ version): T-shirt that says you are *so* off my blogroll.

 
 

Jennifer, you hate the Kool-Aid guy more than mimes and clowns…and like, the Pillsbury Dough-Boy and the talking Mucus Blobs for Mucinex , and the Pepto-Bismol Symptom-Dancers, and that creepy Mr. Clean? Jeebus, you’re making Mrs. Butterworth weep.

 
 

1. “What the hell is this site you linked me to?”
2. “You mean LOLCPACs? Did you see today’s?”
3. INVISIBLE SAMMICH!

 
 

Gary Ruppert said,
Would liberals like a taste of the death? Lets see.

Do let’s. Start with yourself.

 
 

New third panel for goat

Second Panel: And for the finale Ann Coulter is going tho scull-fuck McCain with a strap-on.

Third Panel: I am ready for my close-up
Third Panel crowd: That’s no strap on!

 
Michael Harrington
 

After a few of these visits to Chris’ world, inhabited by his imaginary friends like the black hipster and the hot chick built like Dita von Teese, both of whom just happen to share his political views, I find myself craving the bracing taste of real veracity that is Penthouse Forum

 
 

Panel 1: I’m beginning to suspect that guy from the American Milk Solids council is a spy from the reality-based community.

Panel 2: Are you sure? I could have sworn he was as soul-less as the rest of us. Do you think? Could he be hiding his true nature behind an Rx-induced haze?

Panel 3 L: Leonard Pierce: “Did you know that Jonah Goldberg is not actually made of dough?”

Panel 4 R: Gasp!

 
 

No, no, no: you have it all wrong. The Republicans don’t want to win this election. It has become quite obvious to anyone who hasn’t spent the past eight years in a cave in Tora Bora that the neo-“con” agenda has been one cock-up after another. They want a Democratic interlude so that “We the People” will have four years in which to forget all about GWB and his screw-ups.

This is why the Republican establishment sought to “annoint” Giuliani: they knew that he would keep the Fundievangelical™ wingnut “base” home on Election Day. He was to be the sacrificial candidate; Tancredo, Thompson, and Huckabee were to be the ones who’d fake sympathy for these folks, then quietly drop out. Except that Huckabee managed to pull off that win in Iowa. Given that Giulani flamed out and crashed and burned in Florida, McCain is the back-up. There is just one little problem here: McCain isn’t so “liberal” as to scare off the wingnut base. He did, after all get an 82% from the American Conservative Union, and how “liberal” does that make him? So now they have to convince us all that McCain is some sort of closet liberal to cut off the support. Unforch for the establishment and its plans, McCain just might blow it and win. McCain’s wanted this his whole life, this is his absolute last chance, and he’s not gonna play ball with the GOP establishment. He doesn’t care if the GOP gets caught holding the bag when Iraq and the economy both go pear-shaped, probably by this spring, but certainly some time in the next four years. What does he care? He’ll be in a nice, quite grave in the not too distant future, and it won’t be his problem anymore. The GOP establishment can’t do anything to him and they know it.

All that’s left is to convince the wingnut base that McCain is a “liberal” in the hope that they’ll stay home come this November.

 
 

I shudder to think what one has to do to get a 100% from the American Conservative Union.

 
 

why is the C-PAC woman wearing a hijab? do all Republicans really look like the melting Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark? will Laura Wingfield from The Glass Menagerie ever find a gentleman caller, or a cure for her “blue roses”? will MC Hammer begin to adapt to an era most definitely not “hammer time”? find out, in the next thrilling installment of DAY BY DAY!

 
 

(comments are closed)