First we helped Adam, now let’s help Ryan!
Last June, we wrote about Adam Yoshida‘s plans for a wicked awesome international alliance, which he’d thought of calling the League of Good Nations. We asked for your help in coming up with names, and many of you came up with some excellent ideas, including:
Well, it looks like someone else could use our (and your) help. His name is Thompson. Ryan Thompson. You’ve heard of him? Of course you have: he is the crusader against that greatest evil: pink. Ryan is done with that though, and now he has a plan. One of those it’s so crazy it might just work plans:
For over two hundred twenty eight years, the Anglo world has been formally divided. While our nations typically form an ad hoc coalition of the world stage, the rise of the European Union has threatened to fracture the friendship. Now to counter the threat to the alliance by the European Union, the people of the Anglo Six” as I call them (Australia, British Isles (the United Kingdom and Ireland), Canada, New Zealand, and the United States) should form a union that protects our common beliefs and heritage that at the same time respects the sovereign status of each nation.
Of course! Why didn’t anyone think of this earlier?!? Right.
The United States is the largest or second largest trading partner for every other member of the “Anglo Six.”
The United States’ largest trading partner? Canada.
The United States’ second largest trading partner? Mexico.
The United States’ third largest trading partner? China.
The United States’ fourth largest trading partner? Japan.
The United States’ fifth largest trading partner? Germany.
(All data from 2004.)
So why can’t we make this the “Anglo-Hispanic-Chinese-Japanese-German 10?!?”
Further, the members of the “Anglo Six” could be a net exporter of energy if they polled their resources into a unified market. By using their resources in a unified fashion, citizens of the six nations would be less likely to feel pain from uncertainty in the world energy markets. It also would allow the “Anglo Six” to cut its ties to nations who we are currently dependent on for energy resources that abuse human rights.
Awesome! We could power our SUVs on England’s abundant oil reserves. See you in hell Iraqis!
The taxation rates in the ?Anglo Six? with the exception of New Zealand are far below the industrial world average. […] While other parts of the world have experienced economic problems over the last ten years, these nations have remained economically stable in comparison with continued growth.
Right, continued growth. Being 18, Ryan’s just too young to remember the last recession in the United States. At least US taxes are way low:
KPMG found that the U.S. has the fourth highest corporate-income-tax rate in the 30-nation Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). The combined U.S. federal and average state rate of 40% is almost 9 percentage points higher than the average OECD top corporate rate of 31.4%.
Look over there! Pink!
Our nations share a common heritage of being involved in the world at varying levels.
You’ve been involved in the world at varying levels too?!? Let’s fuck!
The “Anglo Six” could be a greater influence for good in the world if this military force was released from the bureaucracy of the European Union and the United Nations.
Screw you Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staffs Kofi A. Annan! We hates you!
The challenges of the modern world demonstrate that unity among people who have common values is essential for success. During this time of global peril, a united front among the Anglo nations will help in defeating the threat to our existence. Being united will increase the force of freedom and will assist in driving our common agenda.
Ryan dear, we don’t quite know how to say this, but it has to be said. We once called someone somewhat below clueless fucktard dumb. You, my friend, have just gone off the entire scale.
Apparently nobody speaks English in South Africa, Nigeria, Cyprus, Zimbabwe, Fiji, Hong Kong, Kenya and the West Indies.
Any time you American chaps want to rejoin the Commonwealth you only have to ask. Oh, and you’ll have to start playing cricket.
Ah. And I’ve just remembered that on world maps nations of the British Empire were traditionally coloured pink.
‘coloured’ pink. That’s not English. Learn to freaking spell our language before you Brits want to join Ryan’s little club of imperialists.
And no, we already have one boring sport that we play with a stick and a ball. 🙂
Any time you American chaps want to rejoin the Commonwealth you only have to ask.
Bwah! I was thinking the same thing. Ryan’s grand plan seems to be just for America to re-join the Commonwealth. Everybody should email that fact to Ryan.
Anyone want to tell Ryan about the Saxons? And anyway, the English have really been French since 1066 anyway.
RobW, you forgot the big one: India.
Oh, not just India. I also forgot Pakistan.
WWQG ?
(Where would Quebec go?… you know, those pesky people who speak…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhh… French? or should we now call them Freedom Canadians?)
We have a name for this grouping of nations:
?Oceania?
Oh Lord, Seb, you just caused me to waste too much time reviewing the collective works of this CFD wackjob. But I did find this priceless gem in his collected Rants:
Takes your breath away, doesn’t it? His bio indicates that after he finishes law school (uh-huh, right) he wants to “serve his nation as a diplomat or in the intelligence service.” What a lovely aspiration for someone who is both stupid and tactless at once.
Ryan is an old friend (so to speak), as he is the editor of Young Conservatives (www.yconservatives.com), “the domain of young conservatism.” He once even sent me an nice email, saying that he welcomed liberal interest in his site. (That was after I made fun of his fascination with Zell Miller’s phrase about taking Democrats out to the woodshed.) So, I like him better than Kerry Marsala, whose response was much less gracious.
Someone needs to hook this dumbfuck up with some hardcore porn and an industrial sized bottle of Jergens. Seriously.
“Jergens?” That name sounds suspiciously un-English to me. In fact it sounds like it comes from one of those Islamo-commie-nazi Scandinavian countries where they have legal marriage between men and goats, and eeevul stuff like that.
I recommend Elbow Grease® — the All-American Lubricant!
But does this future league have a themesong yet?
I suggest one or more of the following to be played when any member nation representative takes the podium:
Something with some stature
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/Executive.mp3
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/Capitol.mp3
Or maybe something a little more all-American “we’ll kick your ass” flavor
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/Coliseum.mp3
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/PowerTheme.mp3
Or as economic powerhouses, something a little more “consumer-y”
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/ShoppingSpree.mp3
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/FloorSample.mp3
Or my personal favorite, to give us that “Shaft” authority coming out of the gate
http://masonmcd.net/Themes/FunkButton.mp3
Oh, we scoff, we scoff. But in 30 or 40 years, Ryan and his band of merrie men will be styling their hair with saliva a la Wolfowitz and issuing a new new Plan for the American Century.
Well, if you’re right Missy, they may be styling their hair and issuing a new plan for the “Anglo Six century”?
Or maybe not…
“The United States’ largest trading partner? Canada.”
Hmmm, and a significant part of that trade is with les Quebecois, who use the term “Anglo” the way I use the term “Dickhead”…
Ryan is either nuts or woefully (and perhaps deliberately) misinformed. His earlier article on the color pink does suggest a certain level of craziness. However, I think your criticism about his statement that the “United States is the largest or second largest trading partner for every other member of the ‘Anglo Six'” is incorrect. He’s not saying that each of these countries is the first or second largest trading partner for the United States, but rather that for each of these countries, the US is their first or second largest trading partner.
I believe this is correct. For example, a quick web search shows that for Australia, Japan is the largest trading partner, and the US is second. For New Zealand, the Australia is the largest trading partner, and the US is second. For the UK, the US is the largest trading partner. For Ireland, the UK is the largest, and the US is second, and for Canada, the US is the largest trading partner. He does totally ignore the issue of the EU, which now in many ways forms a single trading market.
More serious, however, the use of the term ?Anglo? suggests that race and ethnicity play a much bigger role than Ryan would admit. Having read through his columns (and now need shower), it looks like Ryan has some problems with women and gays too. Perhaps higher education will help him, although given his choices (Grove City or Hillsdale) perhaps not.
I want to be part of the Anglo-Hispanic-Chinese-Japanese-German 10 just because the food would be way better. And I’m only willing to keep the Germans so we can say “Give me your wurst”
The other coalitions can have Quebec so long as they keep sending electricity and smoked beef sandwiches. As a sign of good faith I’ll even agree to deport Celene Dion.
I emailed this to Ryan:
Basically your grand plan is for the US to rejoin the British Commonwealth. What makes you think we’d let you back in?
Ryan’s response:
Since the Commonwealth has no importance in the modern world, I would advocate the formation of a separate organization away from the Crown. This is not meant to undermine the Crown, but to respect the rights of Ireland and the United States, who have governments set up as Republics.
Should I send a reply back informing him that the Queen doesn’t really rule Brittania any longer?
Someone should tell Ryan that New Zealand is more or less pacifist and non-aligned these days, aside from sixty troops currently in Iraq. Anyway, it doesn’t have many “common beliefs” with the US on the question of what constitutes legimitate use of military force.
He also conveniently ignores the fact that if he were to ask the people of Canada, the UK, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand whether they wanted to join this crusading, anti-UN alliance, they’d tell him to go fuck himself.
“the ?Anglo Six? could be a net exporter of energy if they polled (SIC) their resources into a unified market”
I checked the figures and it works out… if the US just cuts it’s oil consumption in half.
My favorite one of Ryan’s rants was when he set out to show Why Hitler Was Evil and somehow failed!
I want to be part of the Anglo-Hispanic-Chinese-Japanese-German 10 just because the food would be way better.
Can Thailand come along too then?
The youthful Ryan has something to look forward to: his kind start out uninformed, stay uninformed, and then get aircraft carriers named after them when they get old.
Um this Site is dumb Im a Canadian and Im half French and English and I wouldnt want to be in this Anglo Six I don’t think Canada would join because we are peace keeping country unlike the U.S and Austrailia and Canada Is more close to Germany and France the Canadian people dislike Americans because the war of Iraq at the moment and 10 % of the Canadian POP. is Muslim 20% is french 23 % is English and 15 % Mix European and the and the other 32 % is Asains black Natives and other groups and the Person that made this site sounds very uneducated to me and Im only 14 your site is a piece a shit PeAcE