Shorter Warner Todd Huston
Posted on February 6th, 2008 by Gavin M.
Above: Goo-goo g’joob
- Yes, I admit it: I am actually a… Wait, why is everybody laughing?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Comments: 52
(comments are closed)
Where’s the “h”?
Personally, I would have said “hippopotamus”, but I suppose rhino works.
Did the liberals try to take his bukkit?
Oh well.
Jesus.
Is there any better argument against conservatism than the visual and intellectual package that is Warner Todd Huston.
Hoosier X, I was thinking the same thing. He certainly is the poster child for wingnutitude.
I’m glad Todd is still proud to be a Bush Republican.
And I sincerely hope that many other conservative pundits will continue to speak out for the Bush legacy until at least November 5, 2008.
I liked him better when he had a beard.
All the right wing nuts seem to oppose cultural “dilution”. Is that mean they’re in favor of cultural concentration? Cultural titration? Cultural evapotranspiration?
I am proud to oppose a Republican who thinks our troops are torturers as bad as Saddam Hussein.
The positive version:
I am proud to support a Republican who thinks our troops should use torture techniques just shy of the kind Saddam Hussein used on his people.
The picture of Warnie with the beard looks wrong. I can’t quite put my finger on it . . .
Oh, now I see . . . It would look more culturally undiluted with a Confederate flag as a backdrop.
You gotta watch that shit, ya fuckin’ memory just goes out tha window.
He’s against “uncontrolled regulation” of business. Yes, I’m against oxymorons, also. At least morons, like our RINO, here. Or is that morans?
Well, ignobility, he’s definitely a moron, and he looks like an ox, so . . .
If the foo shits, wear it, I always say.
Candy, I agree that the ole Stars and Bars would be much more appropriate for WTH.
He looks like an extra from Deliverance with that beard, fer sure.
Wait, why is everybody laughing?
I can’t speak for anybody else, but it was the Goo-goo g’joob that totally cracked my shit up.
Well done.
I am proud to oppose a Republican who thinks our troops are torturers as bad as Saddam Hussein.
Because, you see, there are different kinds and types of torturers. There are GOOD torturers (our troops) and BAD torturers (Saddam Hussein). See, you guys are a bit confused. It’s not the TORTURE that makes the torturer a BAD torturer, but rather the IDEOLOGY held by the torturer at the time he commits the torture. You can do GOOD torture or BAD torture, but that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the torture itself. It only matters WHY you tortured those people and WHAT you accomplished by torturing them.
I could go on, but I have to go puke now…
mikey
Mikey, Thanks for clearing that up for me. I was thinking maybe our troops were better torturers than Saddam, who couldn’t get it right because he was one of them thar islamofas…I mean liberals.
It only matters WHY you tortured those people and WHAT you accomplished by torturing them.
Close, mikey, but no cigar – that doesn’t matter. All that matters is who the torturer is or who they’re working for.
For example, Egyptian torturers, bad.
Egyptian torturers torturing people for the U.S., good.
As long as were bringing up Saddam and bad things, let’s not forget all those many shrublicans who were happy to help Saddam out at the time.
He was their pal right up until the day he invaded an even bigger Bush pal, Kuwait.
I think its more a case of “Torture that nobody takes any notice of, good. Torture that makes people wonder if they ought to be more politically aware, bad.”
Is that mean they’re in favor of cultural concentration? Cultural titration? Cultural evapotranspiration?
I support titration: you only get two of your own, and if you want more you have to talk someone into sharing.
He probably doesn’t realize this, but his principles would prevent him from voting for just about *any* Republican. The argument is targeted at McCain, but the bit about abortion would apply to Mittens Romney as well. This side of the party considers Huckabee a socialist, so that’s out.
Heck, I’m not sure that this guy could even vote for W again, given that W isn’t as violently anti-immigrant as the far-righties would like.
Christ, he spends the first dozen paragraphs just setting up the premise.
Warner, babe, if you have a point, run don’t walk to it. Thanks.
W.T.H.’s phrase “I admit it openly, freely, with relish even.”…
“…with relish” always reminds me of the opening pages of The Gulag Archipelago. Something about starving slave laborers scarfing dinosaur eggs.
“Where did they get the relish?”, the 10-year-old Me thought.
What I liked was that he’s against the concept of a “living constitution” and then, IN THE VERY NEXT SENTENCE says he’s against “Anchor babies.” Well considering birthplace citizenship is part of the original constitution, I think we’ve got a bit of a problem here.
It’s not his physical appearance that catches my attention, but his pose: the wild-eyed stare, flared nostrils, and folded hands. Is that picture supposed to be the human equivalent of “I R serious cat”?
“Yes, I am proud that I won’t vote for a candidate who happens to claim the mantle of Republican if he does not support keeping the Guantanamo Bay terrorist holding facility open.”
Warner Todd Huston
“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago
Expert textpert
Choking smokers
Don’t you think
the joker laughs at you?
That started running through my head before I saw the caption.
Jeez, that beard looks like it was created on one of those toys where you drag metal filings around with a magnetic wand over a picture of a hairless face.
self-destruction through cultural dilution
The more times you dilute a culture, the stronger it gets. It’s the first principle of of cultural homeopathy.
You mean cultural homeosociopathic medicine?
Cultural dilution of our precious cultural bodily fluids (I saw the movie “Dr. Strangelove” recently)
W.T.H.’s phrase “I admit it openly, freely, with relish even.”…
Read it in your best Snagglepuss voice and it will sound a lot more natural, even!
Christ, he spends the first dozen paragraphs just setting up the premise.
He prefers the formulation “defending his perimeters”. Like a six-year-old who has to position the stuffed dinosaur, the action figures, the bedroom chair, the nightlight and the angle of the closet door *just so* before he can slumber serene in his conviction that he’s outwitted the Monster Under the Bed. Verily, I am tired of listening to chronological adults display a level of political acumen that would embarrass a Cub Scout on his first overnight camping trip…
I tried to read the rest of it as Snagglepuss, but it didn’t sound right. The real Snagglepuss would’ve exited stage
leftright about midway through the 2nd paragraph.I’ve now decided his is a literary style that is best read in the voice of Mojo Jojo! For that is the style in which his essays are best read, the style of Mojo Jojo.
P.S. Long-time fan/lurker, 2nd time poster. I tried to link to wikipedia for Snagglepuss and Mojo Jojo but the link on my 1st post didn’t work. Maybe I missed a close quote… I am also learning Japanese, so was somewhat surprised to find out there is an anime version of Powerpuff Girls. Only they are teenagers in sailor suits and Mojo Jojo is a dumb supervillain. That ain’t right!
Hahaha! I see what you did there Gavin. http://paulstamatiou.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/amazons3_bucket.jpg No abortion for any reason sez the rinoh
I am still basking in the radiance of tigrismus’ definition of ‘titration’.
The moral of the photograph is that certain people should not wear a plaid shirt, because it makes his beard look like a sporran.
The moral of the photograph is that certain people should not wear a plaid shirt, because it makes his beard look like a sporran
… only, in this case, he has nothing above his kilt.
Oh god sm–you have hit the nail on the head. It not only “makes his beard look like a sporran” but it makes his sporran look like a merkin.
aimai
Yes, I admit it: I am actually a…
Walrus?
Holy shit! Someone else who read Gulag at 10 years old! Thought I was the only one.
I didn’t have much faith that he would be going John Cole’s direction.
I think walruses are genetically wired to be conservative asshats.
self-destruction through cultural dilution
The solution to pollution is dilution.
El Cid –
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the particulate.
I must be part of the solution, because winter has given me freezing point depression.
“There are GOOD torturers (our troops) and BAD torturers (Saddam Hussein).”
Our torturers are prompt, hard-working and productive. Saddam’s torturers were horrible. They always showed up late, surfed the internet for porn on company time, etc. The wait times were so bad that the prisoners often had to torture each other.
“Jeez, that beard looks like it was created on one of those toys where you drag metal filings around with a magnetic wand over a picture of a hairless face.”
Woolly Willy!
… only, in this case, he has nothing above his kilt.
I have a sudden urge to paint eyes and a nose on my torso, put on a kilt*, and do a Warner Todd Huston impersonation.
You really needed that mental image, didn’t you?
—————-
* Cameron of Erracht tartan.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the particulate.
rof
bumper sticker
particulateprecipitate./ geek t-shirt