the quality of modesty is not strnen*
Posted on February 5th, 2008 by Gavin M.
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Why, my stars and garters — it’s Jonah again:
Over at Amazon, my book’s page no longer displays its rank in “politics,” but in “parodies.” I’m sure it’s just an honest mistake. If you check the “politics” list, I’m still #2.
Above: “…So the mechanic said, ‘It looks like you blew a seal.’ And the penguin said, ‘Oh, no, it’s just ice cream.'”
Update: Yes, I realize that I’ve been exploring something of a gestural phase lately, trying toward being funny-heh-heh, rather than funny-ha-ha.
I expect to get over it by. . .um, let’s say Wednesday. Or perhaps later tonight. I am currently mysterious just like Samuel Beckett and cannot say for sure.
Above: Bleak. Landscape. (We cannot make teh funny, we will make teh funny.)
Gavin, you rock!!!
a Mekons reference. and here I spoil it before anybody even jumps in to tell you you’ve misspelled it.
What does it sound like when you blow a seal?
not funny ha ha. funny queer.
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Just like Liberal Fascism.
Yes, I realize that I’ve been exploring something of a gestural phase lately, rying toward being funny-heh-heh, rather than funny-ha-ha.
Hey, you’ve broken your Shorter streak.
Jonah Jonah Jonah can’t you see
the way your words just hypnotize me
Jonah Jonah Jonah
Piggie piggie piggie!
Personally, I find this funnier:
http://www.amazon.com/tag/i%20can%20has%20job%20mom
I’m having a hard time believeing that Jonah is not some kind of performance art/living straw man funded by Soros.
Because this shit cannot be fer reals.
I’m beginning to suspect that Will Ferrell has something to do with this.
Jonah’s on a roll, as if he’s in stupid contest. First he smear Jimmy Carter, wrongly of course, then he burbles and mumbles about his head cold and how for some unknown reason the cold virus acts differently (worse) for men than women. (That’s faith-based science for ya.) Then he links to his smear of Woodrow Wilson. He’s going to spend the rest of his misbegotten life milking that book for every dime that people are foolish enough to pay him.
Because this shit cannot be fer reals.
Buy my book!
They’re calling my book stupid again! They’re stupid!
Buy my book!
I have to agree with Lucianne’s PantyLoad about one thing: He is a Number Two.
Just not sure why he needs an Azon rating to tell him this.
I wonder if he really believes that lots of people bought his book, rather than the Hoover Institution or some such group buying it in bulk?
Is Mark Tansey loosing his edge or is that a technically indistinguishable homage?
he burbles and mumbles about his head cold and how for some unknown reason the cold virus acts differently (worse) for men than women.
Boy, nothing says “I’m a great big whiny baby with zero capacity for empathy” more than that. His poor wife.
Jonah is Blogging of the Absurd.
Jonah Goldberg is the ingrown hair on the boil on the ass of a dessicated corpse. He’s the Hindenberg, gassy and destined to explode in a fiery disaster, spewing death on everyone around him. He has the intellectual capacity of an amoeba, the personality of an infectious disease, the charm of a pool of vomit. I wouldn’t touch him with a 39 and a 1/2-foot pole.
But other than that, Susan, how do you like him?
Eh, other than that I have no opinion.
Say nohow on.
Wait, Pinko Punko, does that mean John Derbyshire is Puff Daddy?
The Zombie Survival Guide is a parody?
Then what the hell have I been doing during the entire Bush presidency? GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhhh, would you look at that! 40% off already! Give it another 6 weeks, and it will be in the 99c bin.
So…
There’s this guy with a rare condition that can only be ameliorated by drinking a daily cup of a special tea that is brewed using pieces of koala bears.
For years he goes every day to St. John’s Hospital to receive and drink his cup of tea.
Then one day, he loses his job, insurance and is forced to get his tea at Mercy Hospital.
He notices that unlike the clear and liquid tea he was used to being served at St. John’s, the new location’s brew is thick and chunky.
It seems that the koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
OWWW
On the second and third week his book was out, it was around #1 or #2 on Amazon’s overall best seller list. Last Monday, it was at #9. A couple of days ago, it was at #22, and today it’s at #34 and falling like an anvil over Wiley E Coyote’s head.
Jonah Goldberg is the ingrown hair on the boil on the ass of a dessicated corpse. He’s the Hindenberg, gassy and destined to explode in a fiery disaster…
What’s the difference between Jonah Goldberg and the Hindenberg?
One’s a great big Nazi gas bag, and the other’s the Hindenberg…
I wonder if he really believes that lots of people bought his book, rather than the Hoover Institution or some such group buying it in bulk?
He probably doesn’t care. People like him probably think that if a book sells a lot, it is good, regardless of who buys it. If it makes money, it’s right.
Hell, Doughy Shitload probably gives more credence to the actions of big business than the general public anyway.
If Susan of Texas won’t marry me I’ll … Worship her from afar.
So there.
Above: “…So the mechanic said, ‘It looks like you blew a seal.’ And the penguin said, ‘Fix the damn car and leave my private life out of this, okay pal?’”
Fixed.
Just for that–and, oh, Gavin, thank you for that–Jon Langford _dancing_ his way through Cockermouth:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wCyCjbpB3O0
Sadly, a thing of beauty.
weirdly beautiful and appropriate, F. zero.
Are these the same Mekons?
Yup, that’s the same freaking Mekons. Once upon a time, punks. Now, the only colostomy rockers that matter. In between, the best political songs of the 80s:
I note Kelly Hogan was a siren in a recent episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Also, I own the Zombie Survival Guide. It puts Jonah’s book to shame in terms of utility, readability, and accuracy. So there.
“I wonder if he really believes that lots of people bought his book, rather than the Hoover Institution or some such group buying it in bulk?”
This guy seems not to understand that his entire biography reads like a cautionary tale on the abject horrors of nepotism. (Yeah, that’s GW’s shtick; everything Mr. Goldberg does is derivative.) I would guess that by this point, his awesome truth-deflecting denial mechanisms allow him to believe anything, so long as it translates to “Jonah good, liberals bad.”
The Zombie Survival Guide is a parody?
A: The ZSG is not a parody. Even I know that and I wasn’t fully aware of the Zombie threat before the Naval Observatory Incident. I heard the rumors about Zombies involvement in the Internet cable breaks in the ME at the time but I just assumed it was more of the same old spooky Ordre du Temple Solaire stuff that had been going around before the US-Iran-China-Taiwan-Israel-Nigeria War. The guys who wrote ZSG had a sense of humor/entrepreneurship take your pick but it was written at a time humans though they might survive or at least co-exist with Zombies.
Wow you guys didnt take notice that Jonah was bragging about being #2. How could you miss such an obvious opportunity?
(I do wonder who’s No. 1)
Hope that I’m not too late to this thread to post this heads-up for fans of The Mekons:
On March 28, MN public radio is sponsering an event at the Fitzgerald Theater in St Paul with Greil Marcus as the literary guest and The Mekons as the musical guest (Mekons were Marcus’ choice for the show). Event is hosted by Mary Lucia, the best DJ in town although she’s asked some of the stupidest interview questions I’ve ever heard (If you lost your hand, would you rather have just a stump or have it replaced by a monkey claw? (I am so not joking about that one)).
If you miss it, The Current (MPR’s ‘youth’ station) is really good about posting these shows on their web site afterwards. They’ve also had a million bands play live in their studio and all of that is archived too. A lot of really good stuff in those archives.
I was about to say that Susan of Texas’ 1:34 post killed my appetite, but in truth it was the accuracy of her description that did it. So Jonah killed my appetite by his very existence. Hey…the Pantload Diet!
Monkey claw! Monkey claw! I want the monkey claw!
What a great question. I’d love to hear that asked at one of the debates.
Oh, right the Mekons. Thanks. Interesting. I the Mekons.
A monkey claw? All the monkeys I know have paws. A monkey claw sounds kinda cool.
Also can anyone explain why Gavin’s source for Shakespeare is a mainstream Catholic pro-life site? I think I missed the joke.
What would the book parody? Rational thought? Sanity?
I shoulda known that everyone here would go for the monkey claw, and it actually would be kind of fun to hear John McCain’s response to that question. Live and learn…
Well, stumps are boring. If Jonah had a stump we’d all just feel a bit sorry for him and probably pitch in for a nice one, like the one in the Borat movie. Instead, he’s got a monkey claw coming out of his head and that’s exciting and scary and generates lots of posts. It’s kinda like “Do you like 1 or zero?” 1’s cute but, ultimately, just another number. Zero is a monkey claw.
If they ask the Mekons a question about a monkey claw, it’ll likely show up in a song on their next album. If not BE the title of the next album.
They have a way of incorporating the lunacy of commercial music into their songs in sardonic ways. Since being courted and dropped by something like four major labels, they are nothing if not bemused by the whole ‘business’.
Fuck you, quality of mercy!