Move over Yosef, here comes the real hottest new conservative writer on the web

Regular Sadly, No! commenter Yosef sometimes claims to be the hottest new conservative writer on the web. The proper holder of that title, of course, is none other than Wal-Mart’s very own Justin Darr. Justin is back, and shows us just how he got to the top:

Hey! Wake up! Hello! Time to pull yourself out of the semiconscious state you were lulled into by the Democratic National Convention.

Are you awake now? Good:

In retrospect, we can say that the Convention taught us two new facts. First, John Kerry knows that the moment his voting record is revealed he is going to lose the election, therefore, he is avoiding it at all cost.

Which is why it’s a good thing that John Kerry’s voting record has been conveniently hidden in Sandy Berger’s socks. Let’s move on to fact #2:

And, second, there are, indeed, more boring things to experience in this world than watching paint dry, or moss grow; i.e. watching that nationally televised sleeping pill of a Convention. Strange how when the Democrats make a conscious effort to avoid negative campaign attacks, they have nothing left to talk about.

Let’s not forget reading Sadly, No! or keeping track of Pete M.’s dating life.

To the Committee?s credit, they accomplished the impossible and pieced together 37 pages of wishful thinking that constitutes Kerry?s plan for America. The DNC wants you to read this platform about as much as they want you to scrutinize Kerry?s voting record on intelligence and national security.

That’s why they put a link to it right there on the homepage of Kerry/Edwards! How devious!

Over half of the platform discusses Kerry?s plan to win the War on Terror, which can best be described as an exercise in futility.

Pages 8-58 of the platform discuss security. Pages 59-128 cover economic issues. Justin writes:

In summary, the plan states that we will stop fighting the War for now unless America is attacked at home and thousands of civilians are killed for a second time.

Kerry/Edwards write:

Today, America is waging a war against a global terrorist movement committed to our destruction. The war against terror is not just a manhunt?we cannot rest until Osama bin Laden is captured or killed, but
that day will only mark a victory in the war on terror, not its end. Terrorists like al Qaeda and its affiliates are unlike any adversary our nation has known. We
face a global jihadist movement of many groups, from different sources, with separate agendas, but all committed to assaulting the United States and free and
open societies around the globe.

So it’s pretty clear that Justin’s summary is totally accurate.

The truth is the Kerry Campaign knows that it will lose the War on Terror issue to Bush. The only reason the DNC is going through this drill in senselessness is to try to scrape up a few votes from the ranks of the uninformed and car accident victims who have just emerged from comas and think it is still September 10, 2001.

So there you have it — the DNC is going after the moron vote. Meanwhile, AP writes:

3. All in all, thinking about how things have gone in Iraq (news – web sites) since the United States went to war there in March, do you think the United States/Bush administration … (Results from April in parentheses)

* Made the right decision, 48 percent (57)
* Made a mistake in going to war in Iraq, 50 percent (40)

There must have been a lot of car accidents in the last two years.

To begin, here is a non-inclusive list of spending proposals from the 2004 Democratic platform that Kerry pledges to enact in his term: […] universal access to wireless broadband services (which in some strange way will produce 1.2 million jobs and $500 billion for the economy because people can go to chat rooms while waiting for the bus[.]

Kerry/Edwards write:

Economists at the Brookings Institution have estimated that advancing the transition to high-speed broadband will expand the economy by $500 billion, including benefits for consumers and producers. Another researcher has estimated that a national high-speed broadband network would
create 1.2 million jobs, including high-skill,high-wage jobs in communications and manufacturing.

Yet again, Justin was totally right. Except for the part about universal wireless access.

The first is to roll back the Bush tax cut to the top 2% of all wage earners (those making roughly $200,000 a year or more). The only problem with this plan, other than the fact that it is Communistic, is that if the government would tax all the income from the top 2% of wage earners (by that I mean every last dime they make), the revenue generated would only fund the federal government for 35 days.

ok, so it’s Communistic and that’s bad (who could argue with that logic?) Where did Justin come up with 35 days? Why use this peculiar benchmark? When you are the hottest new conservative writer on the web you ask questions, you don’t answer them!

I will tell you what will happen. We will lose the War on Terror, have a President we do not know one day to the next what his policies will be, and our taxes will go up.

So vote for Bush — who will continue cutting your taxes, leaving it to his successor to raise them to pay off the debt he piled up during his administration. Hey, it worked for Reagan!


Comments: 3


“The first is to roll back the Bush tax cut to the top 2% of all wage earners (those making roughly $200,000 a year or more). The only problem with this plan, other than the fact that it is Communistic…”

I weep for those downtrodden, constantly abused rich people, really I do.

Do these parroting idiots not understand that the more they take from me and the poorer I get, the less any sort of ‘communist’ idea, including out-and-out communism, is going to actually scare me? If you’re oppressing me for ‘saftey’s sake’ and making sure I can’t make a damn thing to live on so that I’m a corporate slave anyway, do you really think I’m going to care if a massive, oppressive governmental system comes in and at least gives me something back for my trouble?

Having a ceiling I can’t climb past only matters if I even have the hope of affording a ladder, dumbass.

Remember, if you’re not screwing your workers over for every dime to buy a fifth hot tub in your third house that you’ll never bother using… the terrorists have won!


Thanks for raising the awareness here on the race to the title of hottest conservative writer on the internet. While you have your own opinion, it’s totally wrong. While Justin uses some great conservative techniques, he neglects to use the “some people say…” technique. Actually he might use it, but as the hottest conservative writer on the internet, I don’t have to actually read what he wrote.

p.s.- Woo-hoo! Front page mention!


I thought the Republicans had a lock on the moron vote


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