God Is In His Heaven; All Is Right With The World [Mit Update]
Say, whatever happened to that belligerent, vindictive right-wing Internet bozo, Lord Spatula?
Great moments in up-to-the-minute, cutting-edge “journalism”
Denizens, take a look at this Parade magazine I found in this morning’s Dullest Moaning Snooze.
Note especially the date in the upper right corner – January 6, 2008.
What makes this all the more interesting is that the morons at Parade didn’t even bother to post-edit the thing to note the December 27th assassination of Bhutto.
Not. One. Mention.
IOW, Denizens, anyone belonging to the Uninitiated™ would read this and think that Bhutto was still alive.
And then the Lame Stream Media™ wonders why their readership is going down.
Hmm.
Behind the Assassination of Benazir Bhutto
By Gail Sheehy
Published: December 27, 2007“I am what the terrorists most fear,” Benazir Bhutto told me in a two-hour, face-to-face interview in late November at her home outside Karachi, Pakistan.
She was also the figure President Pervez Musharraf most feared as a rival, as expressed to me by…
I just have to admit: It never grows dull. Each new day is like Christmas morning.
Update: To be a bit more clear, here’s what Lord Spatula imagines as having happened with the print version of Parade’s Jan. 6th issue, as compared to what actually happened.
LORD SPATULA NARRATIVE:
- Sometime prior to December 27, 2007: Parade Magazine commissions, receives, and edits an interview feature on Benazir Bhutto.
- December 27, 2007: Benazir Bhutto is assassinated.
- December 28, 2007 – January 5, 2008: Morons at Parade hang around the office picking their toenails, pitching cards into a wastebasket, scanning the Racing Form, lying supine and blowing a feather in a loop off their tummies. A phone rings unanswered; George Bush is rotely mocked. A lonely breeze sighs through distant pines.
- January 6, 2008: Millions of copies of Parade go wom! wom! wom! out of printing presses and into 400 Sunday newspapers, carrying a ‘born-on’ date similar to the one on certain domestic beer bottles. Editors say “Shucks, Ma!” in unison. Lord Spatula notices a date on a tuna can in his pantry and is stunned to discover that tuna comes from the future…
Editor’s note: The assassination of Pakistan’s Benazir Bhutto on Dec. 27 occurred after PARADE’s Jan. 6 issue went to press.
If they didn’t have shit to make up each and every day they wouldn’t have a purpose (beyond shopping for cheezits).
http://www.parade.com/images/-v2/home/2008/0106/010608COV-big.jpg
No mention anywheres to be found.
Okay, you know what? Disregard that. I see what his point was now.
Why is this idiot reading Parade?
To be fair, Lord Spat was, in fact, correct this time; the print version of Parade was printed and distributed to newspapers before the assassination, and referred to Bhutto in the present tense. I would like to believe, though, that there are not many people who use the Parade supplement as their primary news source.
Yeah, I thought that was obvious, but I’ll add an update.
It was creepy, you have to admit. On the other hand, Parade proudly gives a platform on occasion to Bill O’Reilly, and runs ads posing as “news articles”–so if someone wants to crap in their cornflakes on his own dime, I don’t mind a bit.
I would like to believe, though, that there are not many people who use the Parade supplement as their primary news source.
Apparently, he thinks that’s the only place those of us who don’t read his crappy bloggy-blog get our news from:
I’m sure this explains something crucial about the wingnut worldview and is indeed central to my something-or-other.
No more serious journalistic sin has been committed in recent memory than that of the majorly American news source, Parade magazine (and its uber investigative correspondent, Marilyn vos Savant).
I think the notion that people who purchased a Sunday newspaper such as
into which Parade was inserted would have no other way of gathering important news such as and like the fact that Benazir Bhutto had been assassinassinassinated.
I think it’s highly unlikely that anyone reading
would have been able to find this important information somewhere else.
No, according to Parade magazine and its liberal fascist coup denying editors, these were the only stories anywhere in the world which anyone could read about on January 6, 2008:
The liberal fascists would be happy that all your news for that day included questions about whether diamonds burn and how to stop genocide, and other nonsense information.
I strongly support Mr. Kitchen Implement in his crusade to stop Parade magazine from dominating our discoursuration and news analyzatingness.
The most important freedom is the freedom to own niggers!
How DARE that nanny-state RINO, Abraham Lincoln, violate our freedoms that way!
Doesn’t he know that big gubmint meddling in the economy is always destructive??
Spatula and Bérubé are new media buddies! All certainly is right with the world.
LoL, J–.
So who’s going to tell the good perfessor about his new BFF?
So, there really are people who don’t know that Sunday supplements are written and printed weeks and sometimes months in advance? They’re going to be shocked if they find out when those Living and Style sections in the Sunday broadsheets are concocted.
Newspapers is magic to.
I don’t think there was one major newspaper in the great nation of America which alerted us to the dangers of liberal fascism with any care or in much detail.
this is why Parade Magazine is my only source for news.
It was one FUCKED up issue. I remember getting it and thinking….DAMN, 2 fucking weeks later, and still they’re printing it as it the 86 never happened. Had no idea that they’re unable to change, alter, or at least add some shit nearly 2 weeks before the thang is inked.
parade musta got, like, a bizillion emails on this.
It might be interesting for the King of Kitchen Tools (yep, I said “tool”) to explain why the liberal editors at Parade just the previous week, had as their cover a smirking George W. Bush with an article titled “What Made My Year Special”…
Speaking of that, it would have been funny if it hadn’t have been so serious, in the local Seattle Sunday magazine was a “pictures of the year” piece and on the cover was an Army Specialist comforting his wife at the funeral of a fallen solider. Smirking President on one, grieving solider on the other.
“Had no idea that they’re unable to change, alter, or at least add some shit nearly 2 weeks before the thang is inked.”
Try to imagine the type of brain you must inhabit, in order to see that cover and think “OMG LIBERAL MEDIA PLOT!!!!@!!” …instead of, “Jeezus, Parade’s publishing process is archaic and sucks.”
… a conversation with ex-secretary of State Madeleine Albright, co-chair of the new Genocide Prevention Task Force, about today’s toughest diplomatic problem.
Mrs Sanction to the rescue…
…had as their cover a smirking George W. Bush with an article titled “What Made My Year Special”…
Four words: back on the sauce. No need for a whole cover story on that.
What Nim said. I looked at Parade on Sunday, thought “Jesus, what a stupidly long lead time,” and continued with my rigorous Sunday schedule of reading comics, followed by playing WoW in my underwear.
So, I keep trying to see Spatula’s point (which may be my problem right there). Is he seriously arguing that the Liberal Editors at Parade really hoped to cover up BB’s death? Or that they thought that no one would notice BB’s death if they didn’t mention it? To what end would they do this? Seriously, what is his point?
I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
As far as I can fathom, he’s trying to argue that the editors at Parade were too lazy and/or clueless to change anything in the story.
Once when I was a magazine editor long long ago we did a cover story on Lucille Ball, who went and died on us right after the issue went to press. (That bitch!) Sure, it cost thousands of dollars to recall the issue and shove some evergreen lame-ass thing in place of the interview, but that’s what we did. PARADE sux anyway, but this was pretty pathetic.
And by the way—what kind of person calls himself “Lord Spatula I, King and Lord” or whatever? Nevermind, don’t wanna know. I’ll just file that “title” in my brain under “must look like the Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy®.”
There’s a very good reason why Parade requires two weeks to get from editorial to press to home — after everything is written, they have to go back and replace any words with more than two syllables.
And, wow, does this represent the ultimate stretch in wingnut pathology or what? Talk about aiming for your low-hanging branches.
I look forward Lord Spatula’s forthcoming treatise on the librul-IslamoNaziFemiFascist conspiracy hidden in the pages of USA Weekend.
You can always shut up Lord Tool by mentioning he chickened out in meeting Rev. Mykeru.
Why must I be like that?
Why must I chase the cat?
Nothing but the dog in me.
I look forward Lord Spatula’s forthcoming treatise on the librul-IslamoNaziFemiFascist conspiracy hidden in the pages of USA Weekend.
Also, the fascistic liberal coastal elitism inherent in “It Pays to Increase Your Word Power.”
Gavin, that Update was “fucking” brilliant. I felt like was there! Throwing
playing cards into the wastebaskets WITH them!
Not that Parade doesn’t super-suck, but I think the issue was physically irrecoverable by the 27th. The rag has to go into 400 geographically-distant newspapers in a total edition of something like 30 million copies. You just can’t manufacture and distribute something on that scale without a fairly massive lead time.
So this dumbfuck thinks they should have immediately spiked it and sent via Fed Ex an insert explaining why? Or the papers should have removed the issue and compensated Parade? As a conservative, he should be most concerned about what the shareholders would think about that.
My money is on Marilyn not being able to explain the movement of time in relation to events.
Uh, there was a notice on the cover that Parade had been printed before her assassination.
Spatula’s brain is smaller than either of his balls, which is quite remarkable.
.
I love the FedEx suggestion. The light from reality will not reach Spatula for decades.
BTW, Parade is run by vapid douchenozzles. I hate them because they have a bug up their ass about adoption and run it down whenever they can.
“Editor’s note: The assassination of Pakistan’s Benazir Bhutto on Dec. 27 occurred after PARADE’s Jan. 6 issue went to press.”
So they do a cover story on a potential / former world leader and she gets killed ASAP? Wow! You know, if PARADE ever does a story on Pres. Bush, the FBI and Secret Service will be all over them, asking why they’re hoping for an assassination.
Just noted the coincidence, is all.
Ed
You mean some people actually READ that Parade thingy that comes in all the junk with the second bundle of my Sunday Paper? I’ve never even thought about taking it out. I wouldn’t even OPEN the second bundle but the Mercury News puts the funnies in there. Also, they deliver it on Saturday, which, in spite of there being no actual reason why it should, irritates me…
Oh, and what ever happened to Mykeru? First blog I ever read. I had the sense he had died…
mikey
Attention, Tex. If Charade was able to put a notice on the cover that the rag had been printed prior to Bhutto being offed…why weren’t they able to change anything else? The answer is there was no notice; I got the mag myself. But to put some double reverse English on Spatula boy’s interpretation, the mag is very right-wing–kind of like Reader’s Digest meets People–and I just presumed they commissioned the interview in the first place because Bhutto was part of Condy’s plan to calm down Pakistan while keeping Periz Hilton in power, so they weren’t about to yank the interview over the minor issue of Bhutto being an ex-parrot.
It’s all a plot by Marilyn Vos Savant to try to erase the assassination by harnessing the latent psychic power inherent in the credulity of millions of PARADE readers under the dominion of her monstrous brain. Unlike the 9/11 coverup, however, it didn’t work this time.
From the Wikipedia entry on Parade Magazine:
A similar incident that demonstrated the publication time lag occurred in the February 11, 2007 issue when Walter Scott’s Personality Parade reported that [Kentucky Derby winning thoroughbred] Barbaro was in “stable” condition. Barbaro had been euthanized on January 29, 2007
You know what else is weird, the comments on parade’s website. Apparently their moderating software chokes on the “Paki” part (a slur, but mainly in England), and changes the name to “****stan” (but only in the comments. In the article, the country’s name appears normally).
I hope that the National ***embly of ****stan can deal with this cons***utional crisis.
There’s news in there? I only read Howard Huge.
Lord Spatula notices a date on a tuna can in his pantry and is stunned to discover that tuna comes from the future…
That is awesome. That’s going in the archive, along with;
If someone says it’s chilly outside, he goes out on the porch with a bowl.
Also one of yours, I think.
I tip my hat, sir.
Hey, print publications needed long lead times in 1975. Back then, Sports Illustrated was reporting on games that were two-three weeks old by the time you were reading about them. Today, however, thanks to Wonder-Working “Laser” Technology, you can get things out there in under a week, and your current SI, for all its faults, is reporting on games that happened a few days ago. So yeah, my point was that it’s just an embarrassment that so many Sunday papers in the U.S. wound up carrying this message of hope from Bhutto. Quite apart from the embarrassment involved in casting Bhutto as the Democrat Who Will Save Us from Al-Qaeda, of course.
But I completely missed the Liberal MSM conspiracy angle! Dang, I gotta learn to read more carefully.
No more serious journalistic sin has been committed in recent memory than that of the majorly American news source, Parade magazine (and its uber investigative correspondent, Marilyn vos Savant)…
I will forever treasure the Futurama episode where the main building of Mars University had the names of great thinkers of the past over the door: “Socrates … Vos Savant … Cognitron.”
“Dullest Moaning Snooze”! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That’s amazing! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
FUCK YOU.