Last week we talked about the Wing Nut battle against Subway Restaurants for what they felt were anti-American tray-liners. Chief amongst their complaints was the fact that the liners made reference to the movie Super Size Me and its claims that much of the fare provided by the American fast-food industry is unhealthy. And if you’re Tom DeLay, there’s nothing more un-American than good health.

Today we’re going to tell the story of a Right Wing crusade to clear the good name of McDonald’s and make the world safe for fast food conglomerates once again. But before we get into that, we have an update (thanks to Uncle Horn Head for the link) about how Subway decided to stop their use of the offending materials.

Complaints from outraged Americans have had the intended effect: Subway sandwich restaurants in Germany have yanked an advertising campaign featuring anti-American tray-liners.

We already know who the outraged Americans were. But what kind of “news” source would say “anti-American” without also saying “allegedly?” That would be CNSNews of course (via TownHall).

The tray-liners at German Subway outlets featured an obese Statue of Liberty holding a burger and fries in her hands, under a headline asking, “Why are Americans so fat?” According to the Center for Individual Freedom, the headline used the word “Amis,” which is considered a derogatory term for Americans.

Having actually lived in Germany, I can say that the term “Amis” isn’t particularly derogatory. And it certainly wouldn’t be accurate to say “is considered a derogatory term.” But of course the Wing Nuts know well enough to throw accuracy aside if the good name of McDonald’s is at stake. It’s like the war on terror – we have to make a few trade-offs and sacrifices in order to defend our most cherished gifts.

The effort paid off: The Center says Subway’s German franchises have ended the tray-liner promotion. According to one wire report, the German franchises told Subway they “felt bad” about it.

Typical liberals. Always talking about their feeeeeelings.

But that may not be the end of it. The Center wants Subway to issue an apology as well.

And I’m pretty sure our little cowboys won’t sleep until they get it.

But it turns out that the Wing Nuts aren’t just mad about Subway. No, they find themselves incensed at any perceived attacks on our giant corporate entities (or as Ken Boehm from the National Legal and Policy Center says, “symbols of our nation”).

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. In the eyes of the Right, we have now officially become the United States of McDonald’s.

But don’t think it stops at fast food. World Net Daily published an article over the weekend entitled The Cola Jihad. It’s all about how some people in the Middle East think they actually have a right to compete with American beverage corporations.

Coke’s legacy had spurred the launch of an alternative soft drink company, Mecca-Cola, some three years ago. It was designed to cash in on anti-American sentiment around the world. Mecca-Cola was introduced in France in 2002, and is now exported throughout Europe and the Arab world.

If you cater to both Arabs and French, well, how much more anti-American can you get?

WND goes on to imply that the Middle Easterners fill their cola drinks with harmful messages.

In most cases these messages are anti-American, anti-Semitic or anti-multinationals ? while at the same time cleverly promoting subliminal Islamist ideas. In essence these products, marketed with western techniques, serve as a means of condemning the very concepts used to bring them to consumers’ shelves.

Normally I would just try to make a bad joke here but I have to step aside for a moment and ask the question: What the hell has Conservatism come to that being “anti-multinational” is the equivalent of being anti-American or anti-Semitic? It’s unfortunate that a detailed analysis of the WND article is beyond the scope of this piece because it just gets wackier and wackier as it progresses.

Anyway, the Wing Nuts have decided that letter-writing campaigns to defend our poor maligned multinationals aren’t enough. Enter the aptly-named Soso Whaley.

Soso Whaley, voice of the downtrodden

Ms. Whaley decided that the movie Super Size Me was nauseating in its attack on all that is American and began working on a little project.

On April 1, 2004, Soso R. Whaley embarked upon her McDonald’s odyssey. Vowing to eat only the meals the fast food giant offered over the counter for 30 days, Soso set out to prove that one can maintain a healthy lifestyle and even lose weight by making wise food choices. After losing 10 pounds and lowering her cholestorol, Soso is happy to report she is doing well after her experiment.

Soso’s creative juices flowing as quickly as her digestive ones, she decided to make her own movie showing how eating at McDonald’s is actually healthy and how Morgan Spurlock is just a big stupid liar.

Eating massive amounts of food Spurlock claimed to have ?proven? that McDonalds food is bad for you and causes all sorts of medical problems. This anti-corporate, anti-fast food take on the ?evil? McDonalds is nothing more than simple junk science and should be relegated to the comedy section at Blockbuster once it is distributed. To be honest, I?ve had it with all the doom and gloom, alarmist, anti-everything attitude of certain individuals and organizations who want to control my life, your life, everyone?s life with little regard for individual tastes, freedom of choice and personal responsibility.

So just stop picking on poor old McDonald’s you big mean liberals! And don’t think Whaley didn’t have a good time. After her experiment, she said she felt “excellent” and “energized.”

No less regarded a source than the Moonie Times had this to say:

She dropped 10 pounds from her 5-foot-3-inch frame in the first month of her experiment, slimming down to 165 from 175. Her cholesterol level fell to 197 from 237 by the beginning of May.

Of course we also learn that as she continued her “diet,” her cholesterol crept back up. But back to Moonie.

Like Mr. Spurlock, Ms. Whaley said she tried every item on the menu at least once. But she spent about an hour doing moderate exercise three times a week.

Although she did have salads, Ms. Whaley said she stuck with sandwiches, fries, diet sodas and shakes.

“I actually had a much tougher time when I got back in the real world [in May] because I was so used to controlled portion sizes” at the burger chain, she said.

Sounds like a happy life to me! All that choice about portion sizes can be a real drag.

McDonald’s spokesman Walt Riker said the Oakbrook, Ill., fast-food chain has had no contact with Ms. Whaley other than giving her permission to film her documentary inside its restaurants.

“We’re certainly interested in seeing [Ms. Whaley’s] film. It certainly proves what we have been saying from Day One ? that there is plenty of choice on the menu for a balanced diet,” Mr. Riker said.

He’s right. Some days you can eat a hamburger and fries. Other days you can eat a fatty salad and fries. Still other days you can eat chicken nuggets and fries. No matter how you look at it, the fries always remain balanced.

Ms. Whaley estimated the cost of the film to be $30,000 to $50,000. That does not include her time spent or the staff help from the Competitive Enterprise Institute, a Washington think tank advocating free markets.

It’s certainly no surprise that the CEI, an organization called “the best environmental think tank in the country” by The Wall Street Journal, an organization dedicated to “promoting free enterprise” by rolling back cumbersome environmental safeguards and regulations, would be interested in a project like this.

Because that’s what this all boils down to. Making this country safe once again for our patriotic multinationals. And making sure there are enough fries to go around. Well, to those able to afford them, anyway.

God bless America.