NewsMax: I Used To Be Ashamed Of My Wife!
As you may have noticed, we had something of a technical problem here at Sadly, No! yesterday and nobody (including me) was able to access the site. Predictably, the treacherous liberals who read my own blog used this opportunity to become rabid Blame-Pete-Firsters and are over at The Dark Window spewing forth their venomous slurs.
Being the industrious sort, I chose to ignore them and used the time that Sadly, No! was down to wander over to NewsMax so I could catch up on my reading. Imagine my delight when I clicked on an article and came across the following surefire money-making scheme!
“I Used to Be Ashamed of What My Wife Was Doing for a Living…”
Yep. This is definitely NewsMax.
“How I Helped a Spanish-Speaking Immigrant Make $111,240 in One Year!”
So says Paul Lawrence, the visionary who dreamed up this remarkable money-making system.
(If she can do it, surely you can do it too!)
It doesn’t sound like Paul takes a very lofty view of Spanish-speaking immigrants. Did I mention that the one in question is his wife?
Dear Fellow Entrepreneur,
It was one of those Christmas parties you don’t want to go to, but you force yourself to do it for business reasons.
I always thought the purpose of Christmas parties was to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Well, anyway, Paul now begins to describe the bizarre scene at this non-Jesus-celebrating party. Evidently, everybody’s sitting around a table and laughing at his immigrant fiancee for having a lousy job.
The truth is, I didn’t like most of these people. The reason is that they had laughed at my fiancee in the past. You see, Blanca was born in Peru, and when she came here she spoke almost no English. So, while none of these people were rich, they had jobs which were considerably better than any job Blanca could get.
Paul must be one hell of a husband. I can see the conversation now…”Hey, honey…You know all those people who mocked you last year? Well, we’re going to their party next week because it’ll be good for my business. Love ya!”
As the conversation moved from person to person, Roger, with a glint of mischief in his eyes, snatched a quick glance at me and nodded at Blanca. “So, how is ‘the job’ going, Blanca?”
Roger Ailes? (Probably, but I’m not saying which one)
The others at the table could scarcely contain their snickering and eye-rolling when Roger’s girlfriend whispered, “She’s not still doing that, is she?”
Who the hell are these people and why isn’t Paul getting up with his wife and leaving?
“Actually,” Blanca responded with an air of confidence in her voice, “about a month ago, I decided that I should go into business for myself.”
Oh. That’s why. Blanca now matters as a person because she makes money. Hooray for Blanca!
Roger gave her a patronizing grin as he said, “That’s nice, dear, but going into business for yourself isn’t easy. I was in business for three years before I made a profit.”
At this point, the story is interrupted by a giant banner that reads:
How Blanca Was Able to Start a Profitable Business in Less Than 30 Days – With Almost No Capital – Using The Quick and Easy Microbusiness System
There’s even this cool photo of Blanca counting what appears to be $80:
Murmurs of agreement sounded across the table. Then Blanca very casually replied, “Really? I guess I should be happy that I’m already making enough money to have quit my job.”
Instantly, there was a tense silence.
That certainly doesn’t seem to have gone over very well. Just wait until she tells them about her new car!
“Blanca still can’t believe she drives an expensive new car after less than 6 months in business.” (actual caption)
So what’s the secret to Blanca’s success and Paul’s happiness? You’re going to have to pay $99 to find out. Fortunately, that appears to be a pretty good deal:
Although it almost seems crazy, for the next 30 days I am going to be allowing anyone who wants to go into business for themselves using the unbelievable Instant Microbusiness System to do so for an investment of only: $129 $99 special offer!
Why don’t we take this opportunity to meet the man behind this life-changing offer.
My name is Paul Lawrence, and I am now happily married to Blanca – who continues to operate her latest profitable business while I run several different profitable businesses of my own.
You know, I can’t even go on with this. I think that pretty much says it all. Paul is NOW happily married to Blanca.
Thank you, NewsMax, for another great and informative “article!”
Paul Lawrence – Loving husband and the brains behind the Microbusiness System
Hooker?
Blanca’s kinda hot. I know, now that she’s rich, she’s happily married, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look, right?
I was not aware that Chris Elliot was doing parody websites until I saw the picture of “Paul Lawrence”.
Will the free Cash Flow Business Bible replace all those other Bibles I have lying around the house?
Pete, It’s a good thing you read this stuff for me. My head would explode.
I wouldn’t even know how to classify Paul Lawrence except that he is a world class prick.
I have to find a way to contact Blanca and urge her to dump him at once. Maybe a Save Blanca Campaign. Yeah that’s it.
She’s my pimp and he owes me for a handjob!!!
hmm . . . high-profits right away, multiple “businesses,” you too can learn how by sending me money . . .
can you say “Ponzi scheme”?
Oops, finger faster than brain. That was me.
hmm . . . high profits right away, multiple “businesses,” you too can learn how by sending me money . . .
can you say “Ponzi scheme”?
Body packing. Definitely body packing. She’s from Peru, and she’s probably full of grace.
BTW, in one year she managed to learn to speak better English than any of the dweebs at Townhall. Go figure.
Truth is, it sounds like AMway to me.
Body packing. Definitely body packing. She’s from Peru, and she’s probably full of grace.
BTW, in one year she managed to learn to speak better English than any of the dweebs at Townhall. Go figure.
—Full of grace? Hail Mary!!!
Where better to perpetrate a pyramid scheme than on a website that caters to an audience of people too stupid to understand the perils of capitalist enterprise and too socially retarded to get married to a hot chick. Paul Lawrence, you sly dog!
Hmm. Is it just a trick of the lens, or does Blanca appear to be posing in an automobile in which the driver’s seat is adjusted for a significantly taller person than her?
Trivia, Chris. So, the car’s still at the dealer’s lot, that doesn’t prove EVERYTHING, does it?
Obviously, judging from the way in which this Uber-Dork treats his “wife,” and the supposed scads of money that she’s “making” — I vote for Mail-Order Concubines. Of course, once she turned pro and started turning a profit, THEN he “married” her.
P.S. Paul: Nice mutton-chop sideburns. They go so well with the bald head.
It’s nice to see that the old “They all laughed when I sat down at the Piano”,transposed to some sort Internet business scam commercial is still going strong after 80+years or more.
Is there ANYBODY who looks good with muttonchops? I don’t want to even THINK about what’s growing on his back, A.C.
I look hella sexy with mutton chops, are you kidding?
http://www.andrewmcmanama.com
Can’t say. Didn’t find a picture of you with muttonchops in your gallery on your site. You ARE kinda cute tho. So I’d guess you speak the truth.
I received this “news article” from a site that at first seemed reliable. Agora Publishing is the name and the person named as the guru of finance is Will Bonner who supposedly is a syndicated writer for US Newspapers – National Newspapers at that. I kind of enjoy their “Day of Reckoning” newsletter that predicts the end of the market economy in the US. A good many opinions ring true, especially that the US, State, and local governments are broke and, in the case of the US Govt. going ever deeper into debt. The people of the United States, such a me, are into debt so deep we will never get out. I was ready to sign up for a $1000 a year newsletter on how to make millions on stock options. You see, every week this Web site promotes a get rich scheme. Now I do know that a good looking woman in the sex starved, prudish white middle and upper class America can make excellent money. Actually she doesn’t have to be good looking since the Internet can give her some great advertising with sexy, doctored pictures. Does anyone know a few girls who might like to go into a business and make at least a $1000 a night? I will sell them a simple plan for maybe one night 🙂 of free love and one night’s profits per week. Heidi F. charge more, I believe and is still making money off the movie and book royalties. Probably is on the Las Vegas stage for all I know. The Russian girls learned this capitalistic trick (pun intended) quicker than they forgot Lenin and Stalin. (PS My late wife was from Latin America and would have killed me and those imaginary people if this ever happened here. Someone did try to get us in on some scheme by inviting us to “dinner” that consisted of a glass of cola and then started the pitch for whatever the hell they were selling. It took me about 5 minutes to get so mad that I stood up, told my wife we going and in no uncertain terms told the stupid idiots what I thought of them.)
Una Paloma Blanca! Three questions:
1. Does Blanca ever change her shirt?
2. How is Blanca going to drive her hot new sports car when she can’t reach the pedals? FYI, that particular model of Vette has an automatically adjusting seat that adjusts to the driver when the door closes. Conclusion? This isn’t Blanca’s Vette. Of course, the fact that its sitting on a car lot kind of gives us a clue, as well (next time, check those reflection angles, Pauly!)
3. WTF is a hot babe like Blanca doing with a dweeb like Paul?
Is this for real or is it all hype???
Just wondering… has anyone of you guys checked out the said Microbusiness System? Since Anderson asked pointedly “Is this for real or is it all hype???” I realized, Hey, we’re all lambasting Paul and his system and his sales letter but we don’t really know for sure if it’s a scam or not. After all, it comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee. And I just found out we can order through Agora Inc., and get a refund through them, and they actually will extend the guarantee period to 60 days to allow for shipping times. So… if we won’t trust Paul, I think we can trust a prominent, established online & offline company like Agora Inc.
I paid my money $108.95 for this system on my visa. I did this on August 29,2005.
^To date, I’ve received nothing for my money. WHY?
the promotion code was W700e887.
Today is Sept. 6,2005.
If I don’t get information by tomorrow, I will cancel and ask for my money back.
I’ve never sent money to unknown people, but you came through Agora Inc. who I do know and trust.
Thank yolu,
Cindy Rady
All the people that prejudge the system without knowing anything about it, sucks!! The system is actually a house cleaning business, and he has a marketing plan that does get you plenty of customers, and really works if you are willing to do the work to begin with. It is not a get rich quick scheme. You actually have to work hard at the beginning, but it gets better later, when you start making money, and are able to hire employees to do the job for you, while you manage the business. Nothing fancy here, just a good system to make decent money.
So does anyone have a good word hear, or is it like the rest of the bull out there And yes Blanca is making good money you just keep sending it to her.