Did You Enjoy Obama? Then You’re Going To Hell.

Well, it’s Sunday here at The Dark Window Sadly, No! and that means it’s time to get a little old time religion into all you evil liberals. And where better to get it than over at Bush Country?

Pastor Joseph Grant Swank (graduate of “accredited college and seminary” according to his bio) has graced our Sabbath with a message of God’s love and everlasting mercy. It’s called I Am Blessed, I Never Watched The Dem Convention.

Some may say I?m sheltered. Not so. I?m blessed.

Some may say a lot of other things about you too, Joe. I, for instance, say you’re a moron.

This year I determined that I could be graced with absence. It is the void needed. So I have stayed away from everything having to do with the Democratic National Convention. No need to get into the godless, evil propositions set forth.

Joe’s wonderful. He says those things that all the other Wing Nuts are thinking but that only Ann Coulter is “brave” enough to say.

The whole Democratic voice has become so frighteningly left wing, otherwise known in Christian theology as spiritually rebellious, that it cannot hold actual hope for any genuine believer.

I’m beginning to wonder about that “accredited” Joe mentions in his bio…

Of course, there are plenty of church people who are a part of the Democratic war against God and His Word. But church people don?t necessarily equal biblical Christians. There is plenty of chaff growing alongside the wheat these days, just as Jesus predicted.

Many Wing Nuts beat around the proverbial Bush. Not Pastor Swank. He just flat out says that if you’re a Democrat, you’re not a Christian.

Not only that, but if you’re a Democrat you’re also fighting a war against God and His Word. Of course if that’s anything like our Bushman’s “war against terror” then you’re probably spending most of your time fighting against idols instead because somebody told you they had a hidden Word (and that they once had coffee with God in Prague).

So with that, boredom must reign at the convention. So utterly predictable. And yet so helplessly spiritually undone. Yet that?s what will count at the judgment.

I can see it now. As I’m standing before God’s holy throne, He’ll look down at me and ask, “Did you watch the Democratic National Convention in 2004? Because if you did, you’re so going to hell.”

These conventions come and go. Elections are held and then wane. Presidents walk into power and then disappear. It?s the Final Judgment that will wind all matters up for eternity.

I’m kind of worried. I watched the convention. Not only that…I enjoyed it! Does this mean that my matter’s already wound for eternity or do I get a second chance? What if I promise not to watch the next one?

I am a rich man ? wealthy in soul. And with that I cannot dare let the DNC rob me of one second of this season?s pleasure ? God?s smile above it all.

I don’t think that’s actually a smile, Joe. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the face God makes when he’s turning up his nose.

Reverend Skank Swank
(Glamour Shots)


Comments: 14


When I pointed out to my “Christian” cousin that Jesus was a liberal, she stopped speaking to me.


OK what I said was ” If you would try reading that fucking Bible instead of just thumping it, and you would discover that Jesus was the original liberal”


Doesn’t even know what chaff is!


Jesus was a religious nut. His message was solely to the jewish people.


“it’s the face God makes when He’s turning up his nose.”
Or snickering at clueless twit Swank is.


I can see it now. As I’m standing before God’s holy throne, He’ll look down at me and ask, “Did you watch the Democratic National Convention in 2004? Because if you did, you’re so going to hell.”

My response? “Well, if you say so, Lord–but didn’t Obama give one hell of a speech?!!



I had a goofy landlord who used to spout the same talking points as your cousin–he would try to tell me that Jesus was a conservative, until I asked him why J.C. hung around with poor people all the time and said wacky things like “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth…”


Ivan, The sermon on the mount is fine, but it was never said by Jesus. It is a later interpolation.


“…and that they once had coffee with God in Prague”

I once smoked a joint with Jesus in Amsterdam. Well, I think it was Jesus…


I broke bread and drank wine with Jesus in Madrid once. Strange thing, though, he pronounced his name differently than I always did growing up. It sounded more like “HAY-SOOSS.”

I have to admit though, this Reverand has it all figured out: “I won’t watch the convention or ever listen to anything the Dems say, and then I’ll condemn everything I imagine that they would have said.”


People like Reverend Swank make me agree with Jim Knipfel (“Ruining It For Everybody”): “Whenever I hear the word ‘spiritual’ I reach for my revolver.”

Anntichrist S. Coulter

I’m a Democrat and an Atheist. And damned proud of both. And if I saw this cretin on the playground in a raincoat, A) I wouldn’t be in the least surprised, and 2) I’d take after him with a tire-tool.

If we could just get the christians to go back underground, where they belong, life would be so much easier for all of us…

Tax the cults, and the cults will stop fucking with everybody.

The Dark Avenger

The purplish light around the top of his head from Cherenkov radiation due to the extremely fast thought processes his brain engages in regularly.

Someone should send him some of patriotboys “Republican Jesus” cartoons as an example of how the Left is trying to make ol’ JHC look like some kind of bleeding-heart liberal.


A friend of mine wrote a song called “I just smoked a joint with Jesus,” and it’s actually rather good.

“He’s one fucking awesome guy”



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