Words, They Are A-Failin’ Me
Oh my God:
If only Michael Vick were white, he’d be the ideal martyr for liberal fascist oppression.
“Man, if only I’d read Jonah’s book, I’d be back at the ranch torturing
dogs as we speak! If I could’ve just told the judge about how PETA
hippies are actually just Nazis, he’d’a definitely let me off!”
I’ve got nothing to add to this. The stupid is driving me to despair.
Clif adds:
A similar syllogism would be this:
1. All Nazis liked sex
2. All liberals like sex
3. Therefore, all liberals are Nazis!
I am sure that Jonah’s course studies at Goucher College probably didn’t include even an introductory logic course, so he is no doubt blissfully unaware that this is the syllogistic fallacy called the “fallacy of the undistributed middle.” That is, of course, choice, since Jonah does himself suffer from an “undistributed middle.”
Der Rocketführer adds:
I haven’t even gotten to the bits yet where Jonah says the Nazis were pro-gay-rights! That, my friends, is going to be something to behold.
Gavin adds: The Nazis believed in the right to a juicy burger.
So even the pre-Nazi Germany was Nazi? Huh? How far back? Shall we explore the Teuts and see if, in fact, they were the liberal fascists of the Roman empire?
They must have lived in Massa-Teuts-etts…
An alternaltive title to this “book”:
“Godwin Poops”
It’s perfectly understandishable!
Hahaha I actually rather enjoyed that one. Did Nazi parents love their children? I hope not, I’ve kind of grown attached to the little runts.
I wish I was a photoshop wizard, because this calls for some propaganda posters. “When you visit the vet, you’re riding with HITLER!” “Electrocute a puppy for America!” That sort of thing.
Shorter LoadPants:
Are you as fucking dumb as I think you are?
A response to Atrios’ attack on “the defeatists”.
Yes, Atrios hates us for our freedom.
Sheesh, and I used to imagine that even stupid people could manage to call someone else a Nazi effectively.
Nazis liked breathing as well. Thus, the freedom of the world rests upon a much needed worldwide takeover by zombies.
Nazi Nazi oxen-free! This book is the naziest! It’s naziliscious. It’s nazitacular…on ice!
Y’all aren’t thinking these things through. Michael Vick kills dogs, which is a very anti-fascist thing to do, but he’s also a very talented athlete, which as we all know is something the Nazis really valued. So he’s actually a fascist.
The fact that these conventionally leftist views were held by Nazis suggests that Nazism isn’t as alien to mainstream progressive thought as some would have us believe.
Other than the whole election eliminating, enormous secret police apparatus building, aggressive war causing, and genocide creating aspects of Nazism, the movement was just like “conventional leftism”!
Next chapter: How Eisenhower’s creation of the interstate system indicates that Ike, too, was a Nazi.
ZOMG!!!!! ZOMG!!!!!!
A quote from later on in the book:
“Nazis were well-known for their use of math. Army generals would use numbers to determine strategies.
Oddly enough, this ‘math’ is now being taught in high schools all over America, as part of the liberals’ plot of Nazi indoctrination.”
(please note my facetious tone)
Man, it’s really astonishing how straight a face Der Pantenlöder can maintain while he’s ignoring the essentials. Every single thing you’ve excerpted has basically argued that what constitutes fascism is its inessential components.
EVERY SANE PERSON IN THE WORLD: The Nazis were fascistic because of their mass murder of their sanctioned enemies, their extreme rightist views, their totalitarian governance, their consolidation of state and corporate power, their persecution of despised minorities, their use of violent propaganda, their militaristic aggression, their intense nationalism, and their devotion to a leader with dictatorial powers.
JONAH GOLDBERG: The Nazis were fascistic because of their vegetarianism, their promotion of health food, their emphasis on physical fitness, their use of the word ‘socialist’, their love of the environment, their defense of animal rights, their attitudes towards health care, their laws regarding gun ownership, and their fondess for organic farming.
So, in other words, what made the Nazis fascists were, you know, all the things that have nothing to do with the actual qualities of fascism.
Y’all aren’t thinking these things through. Michael Vick kills dogs, which is a very anti-fascist thing to do, but he’s also a very talented athlete, which as we all know is something the Nazis really valued. So he’s actually a fascist.
Because he is a black man, it can be assumed that he hates white men, making him a definate fascist. It should be noted that he may not hate white people, but if he does not he should state so more clearly, because the fact that many black people do hate white people suggests that black people are not as different from Nazis as we have been led to assume. That the Nazis themselves hated black people does not weaken my point; in fact, it is central to it.
I wonder why being against clubbing baby seals for their fur, against hunting whales to extinction, and against torturing animals with cosmetics are “conventionally leftist views”. Who but complete assholes are for these things? Oh, I just answered my own question.
Nazism and animal rights activism definitely share, uh, let’s see. . .
I know! They share ism! They both end in eye ess em!
Congratu;ations, people. We have now all been present for the revelation of THE STUPIDEST THING EVER SAID BY ANYONE, ANYWHERE.
Hey Jonah, I’ve got a question for you. When you hear that Sting song about how the Russians (commies!) love their children too, do you run to the nearest bridge and throw your kids off of it?
Doghouse Riley said,
December 20, 2007 at 18:00
Sheesh, and I used to imagine that even stupid people could manage to call someone else a Nazi effectively.
Damn. Leave it to Doghouse to cut thru the shit and get right to the hear of Fudgie’s self-esteem issues…Obviously, Fugie’s feelings got hurt when the last
hookergirlfriend he tried to fuck called him a Nazi, so he figured he’d disempower the word by overuse and inappropriate application.Too bad for Fudgie, it didn’t work.
I suspect Fudgie would say Michael Vick killed his dogs to save them, so he’s a liberal fascist.
I think we see where this is heading . . . .
So how long before Doughy starts claiming his book is intentional satire?
ZOMG!!!!! ZOMG!!!!!!
At least they weren’t speaking Spanish, the language of Franco, in an English country, like America. We may as well be speaking German, which is what we would be speaking if we lost WWII, which is what the Nazis would have wanted.
Dahlgren,
ZOMG, indeed! Note that the Nazi kicked the American in the left ankle.
He musta been reading Goldberg’s Meisterwerk and knew the left ankle was the seat of the evil American lieberal’s fascistic power… or something like that…
And Brad,
Don’t despair! We need to write about Goldberg’s idiocy instead of your dating woes or sports! You must hang in there no matter what new moronic lows you witness! We need you, man!! Stay strong!!!!!
Now I’m adding humanity and conservation to my Nazi inspired thought processes?
I thought it was tough being a food-eating exercising hippy white male Jew…but this is gonna be really hard.
When you hear that Sting song about how the Russians (commies!) love their children too…
IIRC Sting just sang that he hoped the Russians loved their children. If so, that’s a loophole Doughbob might exploit.
Big picture: It’s still looking like the Loadmeister has managed to write a whole book called “Liberal Fascism” without actually defining “Liberal” or “Fascism” except as synonyms of one another.
Michael Vick kills dogs, which is a very anti-fascist thing to do, but he’s also a very talented athlete, which as we all know is something the Nazis really valued. So he’s actually a fascist.
A seeming conundrum, but I can solve it. Is Vick a liberal? If so, then his athleticism makes him a fascist. Is he a conservative? His hatred of dogs makes him a wonderful human being.
Q.E.etos.
I guess the pantload never learned that you don’t start a sentance with the word “but”.
Of course, I’m just some fuzzy headed liberal…what do I know?
I think it’s impressive that Jonah did his best to construct full sentences and paragraphs, rather than just writing Nazi Nazi Nazi liberal Nazi Nazi Nazi liberal Nazi Nazi Nazi for 400 pages, even though it would have been easier and meant the same thing.
Nazis used guns. Therefore, gun control is inherently anti-fascist.
But American leftofascists want gun control. And they are, by definition, fascist.
Fascists are bad. Therefore anything fascists do is bad. Including wanting to limit random access to guns.
So conservatarians should want guns. But Nazis wanted guns. And Nazis were fascists. So gun control is inherently anti-fascist.
Does not compute. Does not compute. Err-or. Err-or. Must ste-ri-lize. zzzzt. Err-or. Err-or.
Gawd. Does Jona do anything *other* than affirm the consequent in this book?
Fascists had leftist beliefs therefore leftists have fascist beliefs?
Nazis also liked to eat sausages. I like to eat sausages, therefore I am a Nazi.
Nazis: ate veggies, liked puppies, killed millions.
Liberals: eat veggies, like puppies.
Therefore liberals are just like Nazis, only slightly less brutal!
Uh-oh. Everybody’s confusing animal rights with animal welfare again.
AR and especially Peta, loves Vick – they raised a lot of money supposedly to help but weren’t even involved in the case. Ditto HSUS. Guys like Vick are more fodder for the agenda of killing all the ‘pit bulls’ and ending pet ownership..
But I’m not going to get into that again…too serious.
Oh dear. Did Nazis enjoy scotch? Beer? BASEBALL?!?! Please, anything but baseball! Wait a minute. I’m positive that I’ve seen Nazis in automobiles. I”VE got an automobile!
Pantload, you ignorant cunt.
I’ve never ever ever heard an animal welfare group or “activist” mention Naziism in connection with animal welfare ever ever ever ever. If he’s going to say this shit where is the evidence for it?
Jesus Murphy, next he’s going to say that people who have bowel movements are closely aligned with naziism.
[…] document.write(“”); } )() Once again stealing from Sadly, No!, I offer you this tidbit from the amazing mind of Jonah Goldberg: I respond by again […]
Six mentions of some form of Nazi in 3 sentences. Amazing writing, Jonah. You’re the Nicolas Sparks of conservative screeds.
Well, looks like Jonah the Doughy-Stay-Puft-Fudge-Whale has once again demonstrated that the biggest load of all is between his ears. I really have no insult that can capture just how contemptuous I am of this guy. He’s either unbelievably rock-stupid or absolutely hateful towards his audience. Or both, maybe, I dunno.
With the impression that the Nazis worst crimes wasn’t that they were mass murderers, or started unprovoked wars of agression, one wonders what would happen if teh pantload had been put in charge of allied propaganda during the war. Somehow, I think he’d come up with something like this…
(original here)
So are the birdfeeders in my front and back yard the pantload equivalent of displaying a nazi or pre-nazi flag from my front porch? And weren’t my cat’s veteranarians already considered treasonous for being lesbian? Would I have been more of a patriot (or american or pure or where ever the hell his side stands) if I’d pulled my cat’s bad teeth with a pliers?
Does his disclaimer that he is not calling me fascist (despite the fact that fascists definitely if not maybe share some of the same beliefs as I and therefore I must if not may have a deep love of fascism in my heart of hearts) supposed to justify this dump of dumps from his brain of brains?
I realize that good art is supposed to present more questions to the viewer/reader than it answers, but this is not good.
The fact is, you liberals do not get it. You are full of bias and hate, and you are fascists, we are not here in the Heartland, we just love freedom and USA, while you hate it, so you are fascists. You cannot argue with facts, and reasonsed discourse, like Goldberg has proffered, so you shout and call names, all liberals can do.
I like that every law tradition and behaviour the Nazis didn’t eradicate is Nazified, liked walking upright or eating yummy pastries (take note Jonah!).
This is getting to be Pantload overload. It’s 10 gallons of shit in a 5 gallon pair of Dockers.
How can this guy be paid to write opinions for the LA Times? This would be embarrassing in an undergrad term paper. God’s sake, my 5th grader displays more logical consistency than Jonah.
We need to force the wingnuts to address this one way or the other … either they back away from it like a turd in the pasta bowl, or they support it and believe it. What they’re going to try and do is distance themselves without actually disavowing it … “while I don’t necessarily agree with everything he says, he does raise some good points about how everyone I disagree with is really a Nazi” … more made up crap to muddy the waters. We have to hold them to account for this. Maybe Jonah will get his ass canned from his cushy sinecure at the LA Times.
Didn’t SS training include killing your own German Shepherd?
.
Am I missing something, or is Jonah saying that today’s animal rights activists share some beliefs with some Germans before the fascists came to power in Germany, so, therefore, animal rights activists are just like Germans? Nazis? Kurt Weill? I give up.
The fact is, you want no reasoned discourse, debate or dialog. You only want to eradicate all USA values from our society in pursuit of “a better world”, and you are wrong.
I guess the pantload never learned that you don’t start a sentance with the word “but”.
Of course, I’m just some fuzzy headed liberal…what do I know?
But of course, I’m just some fuzzy headed liberal…what do I know? Fixed.
Is it possible to pin down what exactly he means by pre-Nazi Germany? I know we shouldn’t take this idiocy too seriously, but I have to admit I find fascinating the little bits of Goldber’s masterwork doled out here. Kind of like Tolstoy’s famous line about happy versus unhappy families: this wingnut’s unhappy argument is unhappy in its own, special way.
“people who have bowel movements are closely aligned with naziism.”
Hey, I hear that most Nazis went to the bathroom at least once a day. I go to the bathroom once a day, ergo I’m a Nazi. Ipso fatso.
Shorter Lœadedhösen: Real patriots skin kittehs with their teeth and stomp puppies barefoot.
crap
ö
Just curious–does a single paragraph of this book go by without something mind-spinningly stupid in it?
Sure Gary, fuck all that “to form a more perfect Union” bullshit. It’s just anti-American.
The fact is, you are all wrong. About everything. You’ve been nailed, dead to rights, by logic, facts and Goldberg’s hard work in unearthing connections you would rather leave buried. We are on to you, liberals — we know you are ideological descendents of Nazis. And you, like Nazis, will try to eliminate the pure of heart from the Heartland. We will not let you. We will fight, and we will win, just like in WWII. Bring it.
We do not need any union with terrorists, like the coastal eleites. They can die for all I care.
“Nazis were well-known for their use of math. Army generals would use numbers to determine strategies.
Oddly enough, this ‘math’ is now being taught in high schools all over America, as part of the liberals’ plot of Nazi indoctrination.”
ZOMG!!! I have a degree in Math (cum laude)!!!
It all makes so much sense now…I do distinctly remember my Calculus professor goosestepping his way into class everyday.
Oh cruel fate…how could I have been so naive? *weeps*
Damn those devil numbers!!
For the record, the first chapter of Simon Schama’s Landscape and Memory is an actually interesting treatment of the subject of Nazis, animals, and conservation. They were in fact ardent conservationists, for many of the same reasons they were racists and nationalists. The drama over their pursuit of Tacitus’s Germania is one of the weirdest chapters of 20th century history.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahnenerbe#Failed_seizure_of_Tacitus.27_writings)
Is it possible to pin down what exactly he means by pre-Nazi Germany?
Der Ring des Nibelungen.
What in the name of Sweet Zombie Jesus is a “coastal eleites”?
“Eleites” sounds like some mystical race from the Elder Scrolls RPG serties.
Clif, I owe you a beer and a chili dog for that one.
“so he figured he’d disempower the word by overuse and inappropriate application.”
Actually it’s worse than that. The whole point here is to totally defang the word “fascism” because by the time he & his buddies complete their thousand year Reich, they don’t want that word to have any effect anymore; it will make their work that much easier if a universally-reviled word is no longer universally-reviled when it is correctly tossed at them.
RB, if fascists get to eat yummy pastries, then I’m signing up.
You know what’s really sad? Jonah already got a respectful review from Publisher’s Weekly, pretending that there is actual thought in this book. The fix is in, everybody. In another week we will hear this pile of fetid garbage praised in the NYT and Washington Post, even though anyone with a room-temoerature IQ can see that it’s beyond ridiculous. Sometimes I really do hate America.
[liberals] are full of bias and hate …. [t]hey can die for all I care.
tee hee hee!
It does seem the Doh’boy is simply running interference for the imminent historical breakdown of the bush years. I’ll give him credit for that.
I’m not willing to get into the weeds on this, but from the paragraph quoted, I’m not sure that Jonah’s logic even rises to the level of assuming the consequent. He never actually says (nor does he quote hypothetical activists who say) that animal rights was in fact a big deal to the Nazis, just that it was an issue in pre-fascist Germany. The logic would appear to be: some B’s are Z; all C’s are Z; therefore all C’s are D’s. WTF?
“Damn those devil numbers!!”
Exactly. Lest you forget, algebra (al-Jabr!!!) is an islamojihadifascisthomo plot to lure our children in Dhimmitude. Now that Jonah has shown the link between Nazis and math, it’s probably best to just teach our kids faith-based mathematics.
RB, if fascists get to eat yummy pastries, then I’m signing up.
They totally do, plus they get to go to movies. I’m not sure if TV is fascist though, so that might be a problem.
sophronia, got a link to that? A respectful review of this crap is snark-worthy in it’s own right.
Gary, “We will fight, and we will win, just like in WWII. Bring it.” … roflcopter … the front is thataway.
Der Ring des Nibelungen.
“Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit!”
Goldberg probably wrote this book wearing his spear and magic helmet.
I’ve decided that this whole book is just a fleshing out of Jonah’s favorite toilet time reading:
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I’m not sure if TV is fascist though, so that might be a problem.
If not watching TV is fascist, I’ve already been one for 20 years.
“We will not let you. We will fight, and we will win, just like in WWII. Bring it.”
Is there any wingnut out there that doesn’t lust for blood?
it will make their work that much easier if a universally-reviled word is no longer universally-reviled when it is correctly tossed at them.
Possibly, but if that’s the intent, I don’t think he’s doing a very good job. He might help make “fascist” meaningless, but I think that’s already been accomplished – how many people really know what “fascism” means?
It might work out that a pack of bastards by any other name would smell like a big fat pantload.
To think that trees gave their lives for this book.
On the plus side, it is amazingly unlikely that it will end up anywhere but the remainder bin, followed by pulping into toliet paper. Doughy Pantload isn’t nearly nasty enough to reach the exalted realms of Coulter, O’Reilly, and company. To the ignorant eye, his writing looks suspicious thinky. And anyone with a brain will do all in their power to avoid it after reading the title.
Oh you’re kidding. Publisher’s Weekly?
We live in stupid times.
lord this is really the Moby Dick of stupid, the Finnigan’s Wake of ignorant bigoted nitwit gibberish, the Illiad of narcsitic twitdom, the Crime and Punishment of nonsense.
To think that trees gave their lives for this book.
That sounds like something Himmler would say, fascist.
“We will not let you. We will fight, and we will win, just like in WWII. Bring it.”
Yes Fake Gary/Saul/Kevin, whatever – if by “we” you mean “anyone other than” you.
Hey, I hear that most Nazis went to the bathroom at least once a day. I go to the bathroom once a day, ergo I’m a Nazi. Ipso fatso.
Well, it depends on what you are going to the bathroom for.
Is anyone else worried that the Germans obviously haven’t given up Nazism?
From here
Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning
Jonah Goldberg. Doubleday, $27.95 (496p) ISBN 978-0-385-51184-1
In this provocative and well-researched book, Goldberg probes modern liberalism’s spooky origins in early 20th-century fascist politics. With chapter titles such as “Adolf Hitler: Man of the Left” and “Brave New Village: Hillary Clinton and the Meaning of Liberal Fascism”—Goldberg argues that fascism “has always” been “a phenomenon of the left.” This is Goldberg’s first book, and he wisely curbs his wry National Review style. Goldberg’s study of the conceptual overlap between fascism and ideas emanating from the environmental movement, Hollywood, the Democratic Party and what he calls other left-wing organs is shocking and hilarious. He lays low such lights of liberal history as Margaret Sanger, apparently a radical eugenicist, and JFK, whose cult of personality, according to Goldberg, reeks of fascist political theater. Much of this will be music to conservatives’ ears, but other readers may be stopped cold by the parallels Goldberg draws between Nazi Germany and the New Deal. The book’s tone suffers as it oscillates between revisionist historical analyses and the application of fascist themes to American popular culture; nonetheless, the controversial arc Goldberg draws from Mussolini to The Matrix is well-researched, seriously argued—and funny. (Jan. 8)
[…] better: Nazis were animal rights activists, and therefore, Nazis weren’t bad […]
Perhaps we have this all wrong. Perhaps Jonah is making a case for Naziism.
“In this provocative and well-researched book, ”
Obviously, PW didn’t read it.
Zsa, I went over to Publisher’s Weekly and found the link to non-fiction reviews and then clicked on the top link, thinking that would be the most recent reviews. For some reason the top link goes to reviews from last April. I didn’t notice this at first. The first book review at the link I visited was this:
Revenge of the Donut Boys: True Stories of Lust, Fame, Survival and Multiple Personality
http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6433438.html?industryid=47142
It would be an easy mistake for any one of us to think that was Jonah’s book.
“—and funny. ”
Or maybe they did.
Five of Diamonds–
Oh, that’s just our troll. Don’t pay him no never-mind. He comes out every now and then, shows everyone his winkie, yells, “That fact is, I a big boy!” We give him a cookie and he runs back into his “fort.”
Gary Ruppert said,
December 20, 2007 at 19:05
We will not let you. We will fight, and we will win, just like in WWII. Bring it.
Meet me on the ballfield in one hour. If I’m not there, start without me.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 20, 2007 at 18:59
The fact is, you want no reasoned discourse, debate or dialog.
…says the guy who contributes nothing to this blog but his contumely, hatred, and limp-dicked wrongheaded observations.
Suck this, Gary. It’s all you’re good at.
But seriously: why DON’T we write a book full of lies and inverted history? Coulter does, Doughboy just did–how hard can it be? You make a list of things you want people to believe, e.g.
1. Dick Cheney personally sold chemical weapons to Hitler.
2. George W. Bush murdered a Yale classmate as part of a frat hazing ritual.
3. Condi Rice is addicted to methamphetamines.
Etc., etc. Then you find “evidence,” which can be literally anything in print. You “interpret” it, hand-pack it in qualifiers (“arguably,” “it can be said,” “might not–?” etc.) and voila.
The problem, alas, is finding some think tank to pay for it. Where is Soros when we need him?
Sorry, Tig. I have to make one small correction:
tigrismus said,
December 20, 2007 at 18:40
Nazis: ate veggies, liked puppies, killed millions.
Liberals: eat veggies, like puppies. Killed Vince Foster.
Therefore liberals are just like Nazis, only slightly less brutal!
Gary Ruppert said,
December 20, 2007 at 18:51
The fact is, you liberals do not get it. You are full of bias and hate
Yes, but only for you, my dear.
Gawd. Does Jona do anything *other* than affirm the consequent in this book?
Assuming that “affirming the consequent” is a euphemism for masturbation, then the answer is “no.”
Höly fücking shit, you MUST be joking.
In the name of all that is good and beautiful could we please have a few day’s hiatus from Der LœdedHösen before you take us on a tour of the ninth and final ring of Stoopid?
And if that isn’t the final ring he must wind up by arguing that the Nazi’s were also deeply supportive of Jewish rights.
my brain hurts…
Animal rights activism isn’t even left-wing. It’s wingless. Extreme Noise Terror and Brigitte Bardot – one’s far left, one’s far right, they both have the same views on the whole meat thing.
It’s become painfully, really painfully, obvious that the Doughiness thinks that Liberal Fascism/Nazism is a dire problem capable of ending civilization once and for all. The question is, does he prescribe any solutions…final or otherwise? Or, does he leave the dirty work for the minions?
Speak for yourself, man; I didn’t kill Vince Foster.
Thanks, you SOBs! Now I can never eat at a Wendy’s again.
btw, has Jonah said anything about his miserable book on the Corner?
Gary,
Let’s have a go at this “reasoned discourse.”
(Which, to you, seems to mean 1. ignoring any facts or arguments presented by the other side; 2. speaking for the Heartland, which you don’t seem to know anything about; and 3. saying your opponents want to join with the “Islamofascists,” whoever they are.)
So Gary, you do believe the white male is the Jew of liberal fascism?
Discuss. With reason.
Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning
Jonah Goldberg. Doubleday, $27.95 (496p) ISBN 978-0-385-51184-1
Oh, and did we forget to mention that this is a well-researched book? And funny!
ugh.
Speak for yourself, man; I didn’t kill Vince Foster.
Must it be pointed out that Nazis denied stuff?
I haven’t even gotten to the bits yet where Jonah says the Nazis were pro-gay-rights! That, my friends, is going to be something to behold.
Jonah doesn’t dare go there, ’cause when Ernst Röhm was given the heave-ho, the “socialist” in “national socialism” became an even bigger joke than Goldberg himself.
Hitler – “I love my dead, gay socialist!”
.
I have this theory. The dark side of the Force is Teh Stupid. Reading through all of this I feel a tremor in Teh Stupid. As if a million wingnuts all had a thought at once.
Arky- I’m not joking. Here’s a teaser, with my responses added in throughout (expect a full report later today):
Jonah doesn’t dare go there
Oh, he dares. And it’s worse than anything you’ve ever read. See above for a teaser.
it is also the case that the early Nazi Party and the constellation of Pan-German organizations in its orbit were rife with homosexuals
“Were”? Shitsuckfultudinous Gods, Jonah’s stupidity is so huge that it cannot be contained by time itself.
Try looking up “Night of the Long Knives,” you adipose IUD-failure.
.
GMT- he says also says that Rohm wasn’t purged for his gayness. I’m totally serious.
Nazi’s didn’t exterminate all teh Gay, Liberals embraced teh Gay, so Liberals are fascists?
Ugottabefuckinkiddinme.
I have this theory.
Lemmee guess.
Bunnies?
.
You know what’s really sad? Jonah already got a respectful review from Publisher’s Weekly, pretending that there is actual thought in this book.
Yeah, but don’t they give *everything* a positive review? I mean, isn’t that the whole point of their existence?
Gary Ruppert isn’t real. I’m calling it as some simulacrum bullshit. Or some AI in some geek’s basement.
When you also consider my feelings towards veggies and puppies, it’s a fair cop, RB.
Brad, what’s his sourcing on that? Would anyone be surprised if it’s The Pink Swastika? (though he’d probably cite their citations…)
I’m really angry at Goldberg, and I expect ADL to come out with a statement. The trivialization of gay oppression and murder at the hands of the Nazis cannot stand. Over to you, Abe. I’m fucking serious!
Once again, I must thank Righteous Bubba for yesterday’s link to the Greasemonkey script. My brain feels better already.
Tig- how’d you guess? That’s EXACTLY what this is sourced to! Again, I’ll have a full report up later!
GMT- he says also says that Rohm wasn’t purged for his gayness. I’m totally serious.
His gayness made him easier to kill, but the primary reason was Rohm’s commitment to revolutionary socialism (of which his out-of-control street thugs were a part).
So which is it? Dead for being gay, or dead for being socialist? Either way, it’s gonna fuck up Jonah’s rickety little “guilt by association with big words” wankery, ’cause now there’s a hole in his begats, queer or bolshy.
.
jeff- don’t hold your breath. The ADL under Foxman has become a sham.
You know what other organizations also have a lot of teh gay? The Musical Theater.
Seriously. It’s true.
Life is a Cabaret old chum. Come to the Cabaret
Which was based on a book written by a gay guy who lived in Weimar-era Germany. I think you know what that means.
I finally figured out where Jonah’s doing all this good research: in my student’s papers! From three different Western Civ finals:
Yes, I realize this proves I am a failure as a teacher. And also a quasi-essential fascist, since I didn’t graduate from Brown, am male, and teach college kids.
I really want to kick him in the balls as hard as I can. I’m not joking either.
Or some AI in some geek’s basement.
As an AL in real life, I resent that statement.
Bradrocket, I meant Abe Vagoda–not Foxman.
I think it’s impressive that Jonah did his best to construct full sentences and paragraphs, rather than just writing Nazi Nazi Nazi liberal Nazi Nazi Nazi liberal Nazi Nazi Nazi for 400 pages, even though it would have been easier and meant the same thing.
That was the first draft. The second draft was 400 pages of “ALL WORK NO CHEETOS MAKES JONAH SOMETHING SOMETHING.”
tigrismus said,
December 20, 2007 at 20:04
Speak for yourself, man; I didn’t kill Vince Foster.
Passing the buck is so fascist…
I really want to kick him in the balls as hard as I can.
I promise to point and laugh.
Dexceus said,
December 20, 2007 at 20:12
I have this theory. The dark side of the Force is Teh Stupid. Reading through all of this I feel a tremor in Teh Stupid. As if a million wingnuts all had a thought at once.
And here I thought I had indigestion.
Yeah, the stupid hurts. However, having waded into way too many discussions on conservative blogs where one poster after another works Jonah’s talking points to death–and I’m talking well before the book was published–I’m kinda glad the book is out of the freeper ghetto and out there to be pounded down with real reviews, etc.
However, after burning way too many brain cells trying to convince freepers that the American left in the 30s was drastically more anti-Nazi than the American right, I’m pretty sure that the basic problem is the stupids. As in, just plain stupidness. You don’t need a graduate degree to know that Nazi socialism was about as socialist as compassionate conservatism is compassionate, but you do have to have some basic sense of history. Jonah couldn’t write his book if he knew anything about history because the basic thrust of it is just wrong. It’s like writing a book about Reagan’s secret commitment to communism or Roosevelt’s relationship to Rudolph Steiner–possible but possible as art, not history.
Anyway, the point is that there’s really no micro way of taking Jonah apart. You can point out that he’s wrong on every specific but freepers just aren’t going to listen. The only way out, IMO, is smarter freepers and, hey, that’s not going to happen. However, Jonah’s done us all a service by collecting all the crap arguments in one place. With any luck, real historians will make sure to knock down his arguments when they are writing text books and the next generation of semi-educated conservatives will have this stuff nipped in the bud instead of blooming like Jonah.
Wow, good luck with those, Fats Durston. I especially like the capitalization of the adjective great. It is a Good Thing.
Thanks Brad, it isn’t hard to keep my resolve not to eat like a pig this season when I read shit like that.
The more I learn the more I find it impossible to believe that Der LœdedHösen is going to promote this piece of printed ass wipe in DC. I suspect he was hoping that because his appearance is scheduled so soon after the official release date, he’d be in and out before anyone had a chance to get good and mad.
Will the early warning result in untoward hijinks at the K Street Borders?
Inquiring minds will leave work early to find out!
I realize this proves I am a failure as a teacher.
Mr. Durston: No, your students’ appalling regurgitations prove nothing of the sort. As I overheard one of my journalism students say one day after I’d returned a batch of particularly unsettling exams: “Hey, no thing, baby! ‘D’ is for ‘diploma.'” I long ago quit weeping for the future of the country.
Hey, I hear that most Nazis went to the bathroom at least once a day. I go to the bathroom once a day, ergo I’m a Nazi. Ipso fatso.
I’m twice the Nazi you are. Oops
…make that three times.
Careful there big guy. On diligent study I have come to the conclusion that reading Jonah kills brains cells and can lead to irreparable brain damage.
On a similar note, excerpts from Mr. DoughPants’s “book,” such as the one posted atop this thread, remind me of the sort of tripe college freshmen often try to get away with. Away with which college freshmen often try to get. I hope the Incredible sentence-smashing Hulk isn’t lurking today.
Away with which college freshmen often try to get.
Customize your weapons better you can…
When will J D’oh be appearing on Book TV?
My TiVo awaits.
Things I learned from college papers and exams when I was a teaching assistant:
The New Deal was Hoover’s idea.
The Zimmermann telegram was discovered wrapped around an ear of corn.
The death of Lila Lipscombe’s son was “suspicious” because it happened while Michael Moore was filming Fahrenheit 9/11. The writer said it was “rather convenient.”
I don’t know if he realizes it or not, but Doughboy’s called virtually everyone in America part-Nazi.
If you’re kind to your pet, if you love dogs, if you’ve ever supported the Humane Society, the SPCA, or the United Way, you’re treading on thin ice.
If you eat organic produce, free range eggs, and brown rice, you’ve crossed the line.
If you happen to be a public school teacher, you’re part of the problem (or should I say…THE SOLUTION!)
If you’ve ever voted for the Democrats, you’re not just heading for Naziism, you’ve arrived, baby. And let that be a warning to the vast majority of Americans who’ve declared their frustration and disgust with corrupt and inept Republicans. Want to avoid being called a Nazi by Jonah? Join the Republican Party of George Bush today and all will be forgiven, no doubt.
I’m sure this will win Jonah lots of friends.
As for the book reviewers and critics who’ve given his thesis a thumbs up, I wager that none of them have actually read the book. Like lazy ass hosts of television shows who conduct five minute interviews with authors on book promoting tours, they’ve merely skimmed the book jacket. The Publisher’s Weekly review merely paraphrases the description on Amazon, which was written by Jonah himself. When the embarrassment hits the fan, maybe they’ll actually start reading the books they are paid to review instead of faking it.
Tom Wolfe, I feel sorry for you. I hope for your sake that you’ve developed Alzheimer’s or early dementia and can’t be held accountable for your endorsement of the biggest buffoon ever. Seriously man, is Jonah blackmailing you, because you may as well have slapped on a sandwich board with I AM THE VILLAGE IDIOT stamped all over it.
All I gotta say is this:
When do I get to play “Liberal Fascists: The Nazificationing” on my Xbox 360? Cause I totally got dibs on Jonah and his Cheeto Launcher as he fights his way through hordes of Nazivegannymphoislamahomofascist grade school teachers from Swarthmore on level 12.
In defense of the guy who made that statement about the Zimmermann telegram and the ear of corn, he actually described the contents of the telegram very well.
But “found wrapped around an ear of corn,” while funny, is not an acceptable substitute for “intercepted by British intelligence and passed on to the American government.” Not even at the diploma factory where I was teaching.
Hmm … let’s turn this thing on …. here we go:
U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was a famous conservationist.
Therefore …
___________________________.
ahhh ….
MsNicky, you taught Brian Williams?
His gayness made him easier to kill, but the primary reason was Rohm’s commitment to revolutionary socialism (of which his out-of-control street thugs were a part).
So which is it? Dead for being gay, or dead for being socialist? Either way, it’s gonna fuck up Jonah’s rickety little “guilt by association with big words” wankery, ’cause now there’s a hole in his begats, queer or bolshy.
Oooh….oooh….let me try this one!
In his gayness and socialismness, Ernst Röhm was typical of Nazis and liberals. But just as liberals kill their own (e.g. Vince Foster), so did the Nazis. So the Night of the Long Knives was just typical liberal fascism-on-liberal fascism violence.
Do I win a pack of Cheetos?
Grand Moff Texan said,
Didn’t SS training include killing your own German Shepherd?
Leon Uris made up a lot of stuff.
You’ve been nailed, dead to rights, by logic, facts and Goldberg’s hard work
Oh noes! Gary has crucified us!
What ever happened to Kevin?
Does Master Shake ever use JIMMY OLSEN #86 (July 1965) as a source?
Jimmy goes back in time to 1944 and becomes a Nazi officer.
Jimmy Olsen is a journalist! By being a journalist, he is part of the Liberal Media(TM)!
Therefore, all journalists are literally Nazis!
(And hence, liberals are fascists! Again! Over and over! It’s like Six Degrees of Fascist Kevin Bacon.)
Nazivegannymphoislamahomofascistexpialidocious.
Upgraded.
btw, the Pippi Longstocking pigtails on Jonah may lead some to think Jonah is a feminazi. Pippi is the daughter of seafarer Efraim Longstocking, captain of the sailing ship Hoptoad (Hoppetossa in Swedish), from whom Pippi inherited her common sense and incredible strength, being the only person known who can match Pippi in physical ability. Captain Longstocking originally bought Villa Villekulla to give his daughter a more stable home life than that on shipboard (though Pippi loves the seafaring life, and is indeed a better sailor and helmswoman than most of her father’s crew). Pippi retired to the Villa after her father was believed lost at sea, determined that her father was still alive and would come to look for her there.
She lived alone with her horse and monkey and snubbed stupid adults (like Jonah) at every opportunity.
[…] were correct. Read their discussions of excerpts of the book, they are jaw-dropping and hilarious. It was this one today that demonstrated to me that Goldberg’s logic is indeed just as puerile as my satire of it […]
Analytical diarrhea
Soft, formless, unable to hold any shape. Lying on the pages, slowly dribbling off.
Jonah’s work is definitiely an anal product.
The projectile liquid poo that is being called deep thought by this man is truely vile. If a person is actually serious, and this book is not an exercise in farce, then Jonah needs to get out into the real world.
I recommend six months off-line, in Europe, living in youth hostels and other cheap accomodations – talking with people from around the world. Out from the American echo-chamber that is life in Washington / New York.
BTW, the “feedback” link for the Publishers Weekly review that calls the Pantloadicon “well-researched” and “seriously argued” is here.
They might enjoy feedback …
Would anyone be surprised if it’s The Pink Swastika?
Courtesy of Rutland Weekend Television, I bring you The Return of the Pink Panzer. Also available on YouTube.
that PW blurb sounds very suspiciously similar to the Amazon blurb here here.
But zsa that’s the mind-blowing thing about it– this book IS seriously argued. Disastrously stupid, yes, but not a joke on the author’s part. That’s part of what makes it the printed word’s answer to nitrous oxide.
The immortal words from sadly inactive fafblog.com are as applicable as ever:
“It sure was a long way till the end of the world,” says me.
“The way was guarded by lions and chimeras and manticores and logicians and other ferocious beasts,” says Giblets.
“Fortunately we are impervious to logic,” says me.
“Modus ponens has no hold on Giblets!” says Giblets. “He swats antecedents like flies!”
MsNicky, you taught Brian Williams?
Har har!
PS — I may be old, but I’m not THAT old.
Silly Lesley! That’s not a Pippi Longstocking head DoughBob’s wearing. it’s a Wendy’s® Old-Fashioned Hamburgers® head, representative icon of the Fascist® enterprise founded and operated by the late well-known philanthropist/Fascist® Dave Thomas.
[…] Repeat after me: “Real scholars do their own research. Real scholars do their own research.” Since I was genuinely interested in what someone else had to say about Spencer, I responded to Goldberg’s plea. (Why not aid a fellow Jew maintain the illusion of integrity?) He told me what he thought Spencer was up to. I informed him (politely) he couldn’t be more wrong. […]
I wonder how Atlas Pam likes Jonah’s Tome? Has she weighed in yet?
And no, I don’t want to go to her site and research this myself. I’m a chickenhawk when it comes to the wingnut wars. Sadly No fights them over there etc etc . . .
Candy,
Pam never reads anything heavier than her tits. It unbalances her. Physically, I mean.
Well, she could read it lying down . . . nah, I guess that wouldn’t work, as the meth in her system won’t allow her to lie down for more than ten minutes at a time.
MzNicky, being a nazimushroomveggieburgereater I lack awareness of fast food hairdo signage and logos.
You know, I can’t help but think that in some way, this book is *our* fault. We all knew that Jonah wasn’t really working on a book, but we kept taunting him about it, noting that it was 1, 2, 3, then 4 years behind schedule, the title kept changing and he seemed to have other priorities (like, I dunno….doughnut eating?).
Anyway, we pretty much forced him to come up with a book, so it’s not really his fault that it’s so crazy and ………..well, ok, so it’s REALLY crazy (Nazis have nervous systems and Liberals have nervous systems, so Liberals are Nazis…), but we kept on pushing him, kept teasing him, I mean, face it, he was EMBARRASSED into writing this embarrassment, and it’s pretty much because of us. I know that feeling pity for him makes me a Nazi and all, but, well…..you get the point.
It’s easy for us to laugh but he’s going to have to live with this book on his resume for the rest of his sad life. I’ll bet even his Mom is thinking that a pillow placed over his face while he’s sleeping would spare him from the laughing eyes that will follow him for the remains of his tragic existence.
We just had to push him, didn’t we? I feel so damned ashamed.
Better crucified than nailed. Yech.
So we’ve established that a) Jonah has no idea what “the left” means in a historical context (hint: it has absolutely nothing to do with animal rights); and b) he has no idea what “fascism” means. Well done!
dudes! i’ve just discovered that jonah’s doing research for the second edition on that prestigious big-boy site yahoo answers! this is awesome!
I loved the use of the word “oscillates” in the Publisher’s Weekly review. Were they trying to say “spin” without saying it?
I’m quite certain that we could start a whole new branch of mathematics revolving around the logic (anti-logic) that Pantload is using in this book. Think of it…Noble Prizes and Fields Medals for years to come. It could be the greatest achievement of the Liberal Fascist Movement. That and the inevitable banning of all Cheeto’s sales.
Here’s part of a comment from Sarah’s link: “In some terms facism respects human rights more than democracy…”
Do tell!
dudes! i’ve just discovered that jonah’s doing research for the second edition on that prestigious big-boy site yahoo answers! this is awesome!
The commenters provide wonderful entertainment at that link, like this gal whose footnote reads: Source(s): Wife of a US Marine for seven years, Bush voter, and educated woman…
This commenter:
has missed the central u-can’t-has-cheezeburger point of Jonah’s thesis.
MzNicky said,
Silly Lesley! That’s not a Pippi Longstocking head DoughBob’s wearing. it’s a Wendy’s® Old-Fashioned Hamburgers® head
Silly MzNicky, it’s actually John Bolton’s moustache.
throw that head in a bun you have a Jonah Goldburger!
Among the many treats of my move to Columbus, Ohio, was a visit to the Original Wendy’s.
She wasn’t working there that day.
P.S. Original Wendy’s is gone now.
The original Wendy’s will close its doors forever on March 2.
kindness said,
December 20, 2007 at 18:33
I guess the pantload never learned that you don’t start a sentance with the word “but”.
Of course, I’m just some fuzzy headed liberal…what do I know?
______________________________________
Hey hey dude! I have no doubt you were taught that by some competent teacher of “English Composition” in seventh or eighth grade. Which clearly Jonah never had.
I have no doubt that she was well read and university educated, which means that, and then it must follow as the night the day, she was, in fact, a liberal fascist.
Need further proof beyond her giving out arbitrary rules? I would be willing to wager that she would have been very, very disturbed had she learned that one of her students were into torturing or killing defenseless animals.
Clearly, a liberal fascist.
“Hey, no thing, baby! ‘D’ is for ‘diploma.’”
It’s wrong that I find this so inherently funny, but it’s just so needlessly hopeful and optimistic. I would almost feel terrible crushing that idiot’s spirit.
Goldberg pepetrates this inanity, and last week the US Congress effectively proclaims Jesus Christ to be our national savior!
Read the details at:
‘Minnesota’s Own Version of “Verjudung,” or How Somali Refugees Threaten Christmas In The Upper Midwest’
at:
“Rudely Stamped,” http://www.rudelystamped.blogspot.com
Michael Blaine
http://www.rudelystamped.blogspot.com
Someone needs to turn this book into a series of Jeff Foxworthy style jokes.
If you think that you shouldn’t abuse dogs…. You might be a Nazi.
If you tend to eat mostly plants… You might be a Nazi.
If you believe that smoking is harmful to your health… you might be a Nazi.
If you think you should get paid overtime… you might be a Fascist.
If you think that white guys are the new Jews, you might be a fascist.
etc.. I know you can come up with more…
If you think the KKK is a bunch of fascists … you might be a fascist.
Leslie: I am a veggiefeminazianimalwelfaristfascist my own self, yet where I live there is no way to avoid the ubiquitous fast-food iconography, not to mention the nauseating seared-contaminated-flesh stench that emanates from their greasy putrid eyesore storefronts. How do you avoid it? I would love to know.
I live in Canada! Of course there are hundreds of McDonald’s “restaurants” but other chains – like Burger King, Dairy Queen, A&W, and Wendy’s – are few and far between. I’ve only seen one Wendy’s in my city and that one I pass on the road maybe three times a year.
Here’s the Jonah Goldburger – Jumbo size. It’s hard to get the face to look like part of the burger so it’s not a great effort.
Bradrocket, my blogcrush on you continues to grow by leaps and bounds. Work it!!
‘D’ is for ‘diploma’.
So do they also say ‘C’ is for ‘Carma’?
Lesley, I personally could not exist in a world without Dairy Queens.
I have a rather sick and unhealthy liking for Arby’s [sob – don’t hate me].
I have an unhealthy addiction to Starbucks peppermint mocha frappucino’s, Vicky’s potato chips, and Ben and Jerry’s half baked ice cream, but I prefer my (veggie) burgers and fries homemade.
You know what else liberals and nazis liked? Breathing! And blinking! I even heard that for a few hours each day both would lie dormant in their beds in an unconsciously fascist stupor!
Oh Michael Blaine, I thought you were mine own. I mean, when you whispered those same sweet nothings in my ear, I thought it meant we were meant for each other. To see you write the same thing here makes me think you didn’t mean it … and that stings, dude, it stings to the bone.
SEK, it’s even worst than you thought. He whispered them in the thread above this one too. The cad is playing with the affections of multiple partners in the same household. I even responded to him up there. I feel so cheap. ::sob::
Oops. Two threads above.
Out of curiosity does Jonah actually define the word “fascist” at any point in his book? Because I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what fascism entails from these passages. Apparently a fascist is anyone who promotes a national policy of any kind…and yet one can also be individually fascist by doing such things as exercising, eating vegetables, or criticizing Jonah Goldberg.
This book is wonderfully postmodern. The real thesis is “We are all of us Nazis.” Anything you do, no matter how seemingly innocuous, is in fact directly comparable to gassing thousands of Jews. The only people who aren’t modern day Nazis are apparently Jonah Goldberg, ‘compassionate’ conservatives (IE mythical creatures akin to unicorns), and skinheads/Klansmen.
BTW – Was Hitler sufficiently liberal to be a Nazi? I’m no longer certain…
You just might be a Nazi if…you didn’t eat any Cheetos in the past month.
The real thesis is “We are all of us Nazis.”
No no no no no. I have to correct this.
“The real thesis is “We are all of us Nazis except me [Jonah Goldberg]”
And his friends. And his mom.
It’s cute to think there might be a thesis to Jo’berg’s scribblings.
Funny thing is, Strangefate, “fascism” is already a word! It’s already got, like, a definition and everything. Seriously, I looked it up.
So, yeah, kind of odd that Jonah saw fit to implicitly redefine it, apparently as a rough synonym for “government”, or perhaps for “government Jonah disagrees with”.
Funny thing is, Strangefate, “fascism” is already a word! It’s already got, like, a definition and everything
And there are people who spend the second half of the 1940s under the impression that they were fighting it! Some of them are my friends; some of them are my relatives in the old country.
Now some of the regular commentors on S,N! [the name of D. Sidhe comes to mind] have proposed that Mr Goldberg is not inherently an unmitigated chundernozzle scumbucket . They have suggested that perhaps he is just a weak-willed kid who is following the path of least resistance; and in an alternative universe where he was swapped at birth and grew up in a different environment, he could have grown up to fill some socially-beneficial, non-toxic niche, possibly involving the flipping of burgers. So I have tried to emulate D. Sidhe’s example of humanism and sympathy. But after the extracts from Goldberg’s book, this is not easy.
Um that sounds better as “first half of the 40’s”.
I’d been at the pub, OK?
Wait a minute, the Nazi’s primary expression in terms of the military and foreign Policy was a strong armed forces and an expansionist military, does that mean that anyone supporting an expansionist military is a fascist, and if so does Jonah address the issues this raises vis a vis Israel, and to a lesser extent the United States?
[…] — the superb Sadly, No series highlighting some of the most inane passages (here, here, here, here, here, and here, just for starters) more than satisfies that […]
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