Everywon I Don’t Like Iz A NAZI!!!11!!
Here’s another classic sentence from Liberal Fascism:
But why stop there, Jonah? Genghis Khan was also a fascist to be sure! Didn’t you ever research his proposal to create a universal hordecare system that eerily mirrors the single-payer schemes that LIEberals love today? Or how about Hannibal and his wicked army of Elephascists? Do you not see how allowing pachyderms into the military darkly foreshadows today’s crypto-Nazi animal rights troopers?
Above: Fascism lurks everywhere
(Will have more goodies as I read ’em.)
UPDATE: Ruh-roh! Actor212 has spotted YET ANOTHER FASCIST in our midst:
Jesus was a fascist. He believed in solving poverty.
ZOMG CHRISTOFASCISM LIVES!!11!!
UPDATE:
Jonah goes on to note that people who are concerned with health issues aren’t fascist per se, but rather that people who want to ban trans fats merely have fascist tendencies.
Now, being a weirdo left-libertarian hybrid myself, I’m against regulating things such as trans fats, cigarettes and other unhealthy products that people should have the right to consume if they so choose. But do-gooder liberals who want to ban cigarettes or potato chips just aren’t fascists. They’re not even distantly related to fascists. No, I think of fascism as something more like this:
So how does all this, or the humble attempt at a history lesson of my last column, justify tearing down the Baghdad regime? Well, I’ve long been an admirer of, if not a full-fledged subscriber to, what I call the “Ledeen Doctrine.”
I’m not sure my friend Michael Ledeen will thank me for ascribing authorship to him and he may have only been semi-serious when he crafted it, but here is the bedrock tenet of the Ledeen Doctrine in more or less his own words: “Every ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we mean business.”
Starting wars simply to demonstrate national strength is about a billion times more fascist than some namby-pamby bureaucrat telling you not to super-size your fries. Jesus Christ, I’ve only read 19 pages of this blasted book and I already want to throw my genitals into a deep-frier just to take my mind away from the mental anguish it’s causing me. Pray for Bradrocket.
I also condemn the Ur-fascists, who lived in Ur.
I thought the Jacobins were radicals. Wouldn’t that make them more like Godless Commies than Liberal Fascists?
Fascist Elephants !?!
Fuck me runnin’ !
Even the most simple aspect of history, the linear timeline, evades these fools. Further proof that even engaging them, in any manner but ridicule, simply wastes our time. (Does the hatred of FDR by the American right now count as genetic? It seems somehow transmitted from generation to generation, unmodified by external FACTorS.)
Jesus was a fascist. He believed in solving poverty.
Goldberg, for obvious reasons, may not have studied His teachings.
Wotta scholar. That wingnut welfare is something else.
El Cid,
Oh no! They’re UR-facists, not MY fascists!
Now I understand what took Lucianne’s Li’l Mistake so long to finish his opus: Stretching out “I know you are but what am I?” into 400+ pages couldn’t have been easy.
Okay, please bear with my stupidity for a moment. (Thanks in advance.) I have always understood fascism to be an extreme right-wing militaristic form of government. When did this change? Examples of fascism are Italy under Mussolini, Germany under Hitler, and the United States under DickInTheBush.
Has this person written an entire book that throws around the term “fascism” so liberally that its meaning is wholly stripped away? Can he be that stupid? There are dictionaries, teh google thingy, wikis that could have saved this unfortunate fellow a whole lot of embarrassment.
Wouldn’t that make them more like Godless Commies than Liberal Fascists
I think Jonah has proven that to be a distinction without a difference.
zhak- this was written by the same guy who, after years of cheerleading everything Bush did, tried to denounce him as a “liberal” after his approval ratings tanked. Shameless can’t begin to describe him.
Pantload is starting to sound like Master Shake. Seriously, the French Revolution? I’m curious, does he go on to say anythng else about that? or is it just more rambling? And now I’m curious what came first, but I feel this is really the time and place to restrain myself until I see a copy in Borders to leaf through in bemusement.
The fuck? The French Revolution? Fascist? Guh? Has Pantload even been informed that the French Revolution was in fact inspired and aided by our own ——
Forget it. I don’t wanna know. This is wingnut scholarship.
Wow, I’m always amazed at how many righties have a thing against the French Revolution (and I suspect that they secretly think the American Revolution was a bad idea, too). While I don’t exactly condone the whole Reign of Terror thing, I must say that after seeing that exercise in pure wretched excess called Versailles, I can kinda see their point.
However, my real point is that those critizing the French Revolution never seem to mention what a hell-hole Ancien Régime France was for everyone except the very few at the very top. Incredible povery, widespread hunger, ruthless political repression, and that’s just for starters. Didn’t they have to read A Tales of Two Cities in high school like everyone else?
Even when it was the Italians who invented fascism, you knew it was the French.
I think — and I reserve the capacity to be wrong in regards to judging how low the bar is — but I think even conservative ‘scholars’ will have to attack Loadpants on this moronic stew of ahistorical illiteracy.
I also condemn the Ur-fascists, who lived in Ur.
I condemn the neofascists, who live in The Matrix.
How can anyone over look the fascism of the family? People telling you where to go, what to eat, when to go to bed. We need to outlaw this oppressive regime right now and allow tots to grow up free of the shackles of mommytaliraism!
Actualy I think, conservative ‘scholars’ will be very happy to ignore it entirely. This is not for them. This is for people like Kevin and our rabbi friend and Gary Ruppert and Bastion Booger. (Or some combination thereof.)
And I would like to cast my vote for Master Shake as the new nickname for Jonah Goldberg. Kudos to Flying Fox.
I feel fairly safe in saying that although the language of the ancient Indus River Valley civilization (for example in Mohenjo-Daro) has not yet been translated, it will be one of the strong precedents of Liberal Fascism, given the lack of appreciation of American culture and freedom which seems to be indicated within the sculptures and pictographs.
Thank goodness for the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans, which helped keep us protected from a uniting of Mohenjo-Fascism with the Caral Supe Pre-Columbo-Fascist civilization of ancient Peru.
“mommytaliraism!”
Hey!
Great, now he’s calling the founding fathers fascists. You’d think his editor (?) would’ve caught that one- “Ahm, haha, JG, you remember of course that Washington and the rest were pretty tight the French back in colonial days, right? You’re coming very close to a kind of sacrilege here… Washington. George Washington. First President, chopped down a cherry tree… never mind.”
This is for people like Kevin and our rabbi friend and Gary Ruppert and Bastion Booger. (Or some combination thereof.)
It’s more than that: it is identical to Kevin and his ilk.
Look, this is a 460-page exercise in print trolling. It’s the book-length version of the classic ‘hitler was a socialist, libtards!’ It’s Gary Ruppert with an advance and several missed deadlines, instead of a sub-minimum wage troll-for-hire contract.
By the way, when is National Review going to publish another essay on how evil leftist liberals are undermining American Discourse by ever daring to publicly analogize George Bush Jr. and his Unitarded Executrix Theory with authoritarian and fascist movements, when Every One Who Is Any One knows that’s simply beyond the pale?
It’s OK for conservatives to compare liberals to fascists because liberals really are fascists? Is that working anybody except us typical Republicans?
“… Except of Ashurbanipal who says my haircut makes me look like a Mohenjo-Daro”
Great, now I’m gonna have TMBG stuck in my head for like a week.
I’m in pain from laughing so hard at these threads. And it’s only the book jacket!
You’d think his editor (?) would’ve caught that one…
I think his ‘editor’ was Lucianne.
El Cid, I think it’s the Linear A language of the Minoan Civilization on Crete that would show, if ever translated, that liberal fascism began on Crete. Have you ever seen that palace they dug up? It’s the first truly Big Government in Europe!
I’m so Confused! if the French Revolution was the first fascist movement, why is the title of Chapter One “Mussolini: The Father of Fascism”? Or is there some kind of mysterious Time Travel involved in fascism? Or just a complete lack of editorial Oversight at Doubleday?
(‘Scuse me but i’m Diggin’ on Random capiTalization.)
But but but how could the French Revolution be evil? The violence boiled over in response to higher and higher taxes! Oh wait… I see, it was the beheadings, right?
“Has this person written an entire book that throws around the term “fascism” so liberally that its meaning is wholly stripped away?”
Duh! It’s called Liberal Fascism.
Well, duh, the Jacobins would thus be among the Great Great Great Great Grandfathers of Fascism.
Damn. Now I can no longer buy the Dachau brand of organic honey (“It’s Hitleriffic!”) from the local Whole Foods.
I think that LOLCats graphic needs a KDANKETSCHUSS (no umlauts for you)
“Has this person written an entire book that throws around the term “fascism” so liberally that its meaning is wholly stripped away?”
The fact is, you used “fascism” and “liberal” in the same sentence.
Thanks for proving my point.
Pwned, stupid Libtard!!!11!!1
I almost forgot: here’s proof that The Left (me) once conspired with Hitler (the cat). I’ve only put up this post about 98 times, so bear with me. It ain’t photoshopped.
Hey Bradrocket, could you do us a favor and skip to the bibliography? I imagine it shouldn’t take more than an inch of blog space to reproduce it in its entirety.
I expect there is a chapter calling the American Revolution Fascist, too. After all- Elementary school teachers are Fascists! Everyone is a fascist! Santa Claus is a Fascist! The Easter Bunny- not so much. But what about Starbucks? Are they…surely NOT!
So far we have Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini as fascists. He adds on FDR and the French who apparently invented fascism. We all know England started the NHS, which is the largest national healthcare system in the entire world and most definitely proof that they are fascists.
All this time I thought it was good that the US beat Fascist Germany and Fascist Italy in that world, but now that I know that FDR and French are the worst fascists evah, I am now not so sure. Maybe it would have been best if Japan won. For, I think they were merely Imperialists which is obviously much preferable to the Fascist ways of FDR and the French.
The Japanese regularly waterbaorded prisoners, which Jonah would agree makes them strong on national defense, worshiped their leader without question, just like Jonah does with Bush, knew the importance of spying on their own people, and knew, like Jonah and his mommy do, how important nepotism is for a functioning society.
Most importantly though, like Cheney, the Japanese knew the importance of a pre-emptive strike! Unfortunately, like today’s wimpy democrats, their unwillingness to invade a country known to be developing nuclear weapons, led to the sight of mushroom clouds in their own land, just as Cheney, Condi, and Rummy have warned us about! It is truly a shame that the Japanese could not prevail against those fascist French and FDR.
Oh, if only the Japanese had won and we could have taken on their institutions and cultures, then, today, our proud hero Jonah could suit up and fly his final kamikaze run, giving up his own life for our dear Leader Bush, and our great country as he crashes his plane into our fascist enemies! For, if the Japanese taught us nothing, it is that the best way to fight the fascist powers of FDR is to pilot a plane on a suicide run into the key targets of your enemy.
I am sure Jonah would agree. To fly a plane on a suicide run right into heart of the enemy is the bravest and most truest form of patriotism a hero can show in the face of the evil tenents of FDR’s fascism!
Okay, so the Nazi’s believed in herbal remedies. But so did the Chinese Communists. So are the Communists now fascists?
The Native Americans also believed in herbal remedies…were they fascists? Was Sitting Bull an Indo-Fascist? On the upside for Pantsload, he now has a justification for the removal of the Plains Indians…we were just fighting fascists and their natural remedies!
I never before considered enforced fasting and exposure to deadly gasses as alternative medical treatments.
I guess the doc’s at Dachau were just misunderstood and ahead of there time then?
Would that be the Michael Ledeen who, while writing about Mussolini, became quite the fan of Italian fascism as a ‘movement’?
Now, I’ll say this about Ledeen, who I consider one of the most insidious pieces of filth in American politics: at least Universal Fascism was the product of scholarly research in Italy. Not so with D. Pantload.
How freaking insane do these goofballs have to get before they implode?
No-one disputes that these fads are a product of the cultural and political left…
Apart from John Sladek, Bergan Evans, William Burroughs, and half the contributors to Skeptical Inquirer, who had no trouble recognising New Age / health obsessions as emanations of the right-wing psyche…
Himmler was a certified animal rights activist
I would have been too — I did the whole two-year Animal Rights Activism course, but they wouldn’t give me the certificate, simply because I turned up to the exam with a headful of morning-glory seeds.
Really? Because I thought the whole FDA/labeling/lawsuits/smoking bans were a produt, of, well, science.
Or do things like scientific inquiry and study only belong to the ‘cultural and political left’?
Okay, please bear with my stupidity for a moment. (Thanks in advance.) I have always understood fascism to be an extreme right-wing militaristic form of government. When did this change?
See, back in 1984…war became peace, freedom became slavery, and right wing became the radical left.
Such naivete from America’s liberals. Don’t you know that the so-called “Native” Americans used swastikas?
This is famed among scholars of Mississippio-Fascism.
I almost forgot: here’s proof that The Left (me) once conspired with Hitler (the cat).
Clearly it is time for Norbizness to switch to using his porn name.
I’m reading the clip shown in the update and trying to imagine how this could go on for 400 pages. Reading this book will be a death inducing enterprise.
“Pantload is starting to sound like Master Shake.”
LOL that’s exactly what I thought. That or the cat from “Get Fuzzy.”
My girlfriend kills snowflakes. She has the worst insult I have ever heard, and I have to apply it to Jonah.
He is a complete waste of egg and sperm. A total mistake.
The first fascist movement – the American Revolution.
What the FOCK !!!!!!!!
Wait, he actually quoted that as a good thing? Good GOD, why am I not punching him in the face right now?
Thanks for your replies, people. Much appreciated.
I think this person has done his part to further lower the standards of “scholarship” in this country. Well done!
(PS: If a Republican had been president during WWII, we’d all be speaking German now (not that that’s a bad thing). I am wondering if perhaps that thought might be fueling this person’s fascism fantasia?)
And Prescott Bush was *not* a fascist – he *never* ate organic food. He just ran businesses that helped the Nazis after we entered WWII.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prescott_Bush#Nazi_collaboration_controversy
I second the request for a scan of the bibliography.
Doop dee doop, dee deedily deedily dumb.
Do tell, Mr. Rocket, does Pantload pull a TomSowell and completely refuse to define the term he’s railing against? I do recall Sowell burping up ramblings about our love of “cosmic justice” while never actually saying just whatintheheck that happened to be.
Thus, for Pantload, facism is going veg, getting out the vote, having government bureaucracy, being a popular leader*, or whatever else is frying his hide.
* You know that guy who’s been President for the past few…oh, nevermind.
Kris Kristofferson, who’s probably a fascist, once wrote a song that started out:
“Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic food…”
Which is further proof, if such were needed, that Jesus was a Fascist. Doughy may need to dial back his timeline a bit further.
Wow, I’m always amazed at how many righties have a thing against the French Revolution
To me, that quip about the French Revolution meant that Jonah’s been sharing Mark Noonan’s huffing material, as Noonan is rather comically fixated on the French Revolution. To him, it marked the beginning of a centuries old conspiracy theory (which you are all a part of, by the way, whether or not you realize it) in which Teh Left seeks to eradicate Jebus, Daddy, and the Spectre from society (because, you know, in the French Revolution, the people decided that perhaps the Catholic Church were not the end-all be-all authority on everything, so naturally, that means all concept of God must be wiped fromt he planet) and force everybody into all sorts of horribly amoral things, like accepting gay people for who they are, using rich peoples’ tax money to help poor people, and making up one’s own mind about various issues. While the Grand Noonan Theory of the French Revolution is no Behold a Pale Horse (no UFOs, for one), it is quite a piece of right-wing paranoia. But I guess that paranoia is more widespread than I’d initially thought.
Conservative dislike for the French Revolution dates back to Edmund Burke, the philosophical father of conservatism.
Of course, since Jonah’s likely only skimmed through Burke’s Wikipedia entry a couple of times, I doubt he’s made the connection yet…
It’s easy to see that Jonah and most wingnuts, especially those on wingnut welfare, operate under a simple syllogism:
Things I hate are, by definition bad: I hate liberalism and since fascism=a bad thing, then liberalism=fascism.
And then, (as Kurt Vonnegut said) all they have to do is repeat this ludicrous assertion, over and over in ever increasing volume, until everyone gives up.
bringing up the French Revolution as proto-fascist is a nice juxtaposition to HTML’s post about how environmentalists are fascists because they would trumpt democracy if necessary to keep the planet from dying.
So to recap:
trumping democracy to save humanity: FASCIST
overthrowing the monarchy in favor of democracy: FASCIST
“Or do things like scientific inquiry and study only belong to the ‘cultural and political left’?”
Yes, Ignorance is bliss, now stop asking questions and vote for McCain.
Non-sequitur, Pantload is thy name.
I don’t think I have written anything as dumb as the scanned passage from DP’s doorstop since I was a freshman in college.
I am currently jonesing for a copy of this so bad I’m getting the shakes. He’s already made enough gross historical errors just in the cover copy to keep me howling with laughter for weeks. I can tell you right now, without even needing to read the book, that Jonah has absolutely no idea what the word “fascism” actually means. Nor “socialism”, for that matter.
God helps us all – this is going to be epic.
Anyone else here notice that even his subtitle is idiotic?
“Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning ”
Yup, he’s uncovered the secret that Mussolini was actually an American leftist. What an intellectual giant!
Jillian: Wait two weeks after the release and Amazon will pay you $3.50 to take it off their hands. Everybody wins!
But OMG, norb, how am I going to survive until then? It’s like the motherlode of pure, unrefined wingnuttery. I mean, Christ – he actually makes the argument “If Nazis weren’t Socialists, then why did they call themselves ‘National SOCIALISTS’, huh? Huh? Betcha can’t answer that, stoopid leftist!”
Which, as I’ve pointed out before, is about as intellectually rigorous as “If it isn’t made from babies, why do they call it BABY oil?”.
I could mainline this stuff in small doses and get snarked enough to laugh for the rest of my life off of it. OMG, we wants it soooo baaaad…..yesssssssss, precioussssss, we do!
I’m reading the clip shown in the update and trying to imagine how this could go on for 400 pages.
The style is familiar. Sounds as if Erich von Däniken was hired as ghost-writer.
I would also like to say that I would gladly sell one of my ovaries to watch Pantload debate Robert Paxton on this topic. I might even have to kill myself after watching that happen, because I’m not sure any experience could ever top that.
(Snort!) Thanks, Jillian, I was looking for an analogous example to compare to the inanity of JG. You pegged it.
Psst, jillian, check your facebook inbox.
Christmas elves are good things.
Jonah’s Quote: What in The Wide, Wide World Of Jonah’s Pants is up with that??
There’s a lot of horrible writing out there: Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion; “Mein Kampf”; Where’s The Rest Of Me? By Ronald Reagan; anything by Tim LaHaye… turgid, unreadable propaganda. Crap, all of it.
And there’s always room for more. Imagine going through life, believing your magnum opus — written for your two friends and your mommy — is actually a work of brilliant insight and analysis…
When, in fact, it’s going to be remaindered by the boxfull.
Okay, I think I have it now. If you’re a fascist in the traditional, or liberal, sense (i.e. a right-wing corporatist militant nationalist and racist) and it is bad (because of the fascist liberal media has made it bad to be such a fascist by trying to undermine America); then it behooves you (assuming you’re a traditional fascist) to simply charge everyone with being a fascist in the Master Shake sense (i.e. anyone in the world he doesn’t like or agree with) which allows the more traditional brands of fascists to hide among all the new fascists. Since the liberal fascist media has turned the word “fascist” into something bad (because as we all know, all of us liberal fascists are ALSO self-hating apparently), it only makes sense that this bad thing – the word “fascism” – should be applied to the other bad people (liberals). Right?
I mean, you know, it only makes sense. I think you guys are being too hard on the poor guy. After all, it is perfectly logical association, to wit:
fascist = bad
liberal = bad
therefore fascist = liberal.
I mean, how can you argue with that?
“the first fascist movement: the French Revolution”
Oh God. I think I’m actually literally speechless here. I have no idea what to say about this.
Okay. Deep breaths. Happy place, happy place, hmmm …. hey, potato chips!
Is there any citation for this claim? Is there any attempt made to back that up with, you know, facts, or even factishness? Is there anything … academic, philosophical, historical … anything at all … which would lend credence to this statement as anything more than the most puerile, sophomoric bullshit?
I’m sorry, but this is simply an unacceptable level truthlessness. It’s not just that he’s pulling bogus statement out of his ass, wiping them off with a Handi-wipe and presenting them as fact. That’s okay. We kind of expect that. It’s that he is making assertions that are simple, transparently untrue and he clearly does not care if we see through his bullshit or not. This is basically saying “Look, I can write things that are totally fucking false, I know they’re false, you know they’re false, but the pinheads who buy my book – assuming they even read it – will swallow it hook, line, and sinker and I’m going to get away with it!”
Fuck you, Jonah Goldberg.
Jillian: “If it isn’t made from babies, why do they call it BABY oil?”
LOL, great line.
“It’s rather Hemingway-esque, if Hemingway googled strings of certain words and then cut-and-pasted whatever turns up!”
~ Peter Travers, Rolling Stone Magazine
I remember A Pale Horse — it turns out that the Wiccan curses are merely a cover, and in fact the victims have been poisoned with…
…Oops.
i see wot i did there.
I’ve been doing some thinking. Is it possible Master Shake/Pantload is not so much stupid or batshit insane but actually just very cynical? Course, that begs the question, can someone really be this cynical and function? Thoughts?
Do these guys even have a clue what fascism actually is? Wait, let me rephrase that: These guys obviously have no clue what fascism actually is. It is, basically, government by and for corporations to the exclusion of the general populace. Pretty much like, say, Bushism. Freakin’ idiots.
zsa,
Where have you been for the past 7 years? That shit’s been happening all over the place!
I call it the ‘Dog with the Squirts’ tactic: Just start spewing, make up anything to support your position…alignment with reality is not a consideration. Keep it coming. When someone calls you on it, repeat. Do not address facts, just restate your crazy-ass claims. Let the other guy wrestle with what’s a fact. You can bury them because it takes more time to correct you than it does for you to spew another pile of shit. You’re always ahead.
I bet King Louis XVI of France was also sort of critical of the Revolution. For a while at least
I’ll save y’all the trouble. Here, in one line…
1Ass, Myown, Shit I Totally Made Up
To be fair to Edmund Burke, he recognized that the French Revolution would fail to bring liberty and ultmately end in a big puce disaster. And a puce disaster it was, but fascist it was not. Napoleon was megalomaniac the likes of which the world had not seen since Alexander the Great, but not a fascist (even as Emperor, Napoleon had a rather forward looking egalitarian vision of society). And even though the French Revolution failed to bring France a lasting republic (which France did get eventually) the French Revolution brought the idea of republican revolution and popular reform to life in Europe. The French Revolution would show the world that people can band together to bring about change (though they can very well fail at it). Don’t mindlessly celebrate or malign it, understand it.
Edmund Burke and Napoleon may not have known they were Fascists, but they were. Did even one of them ever salute America’s Greatest Generation for defeating Germany and Japan in WWII without telling them not to eat cheeseburgers?
All the little S,N! boys and girl should check under the tree.
Aw, man. Teh sooperscript showed up in teh preview.
zsa,
What Willy said, plus this little blast from the past…
What are you going to believe? Me, or your lyin’ eyes?
“To him, it marked the beginning of a centuries old conspiracy theory (which you are all a part of, by the way, whether or not you realize it) in which Teh Left seeks to eradicate Jebus, Daddy, and the Spectre from society.”
The plot started with Knights Templar and continued in secret in the form of Masonic Loges. It took 500 years, and then, bam! double score! revolutions in America, and then France!
Seriously, quite a few of the Founding Fathers were masons, just check the reverse of the dollar bill.
To me, the first fairly modern fascist was Sulla, who was the leader of what was Republican Party of Rome (optimates), and who treated Democrats (populares) quite badly, with mass murders and confiscations. Scratch that. About 100 years later China had its own quite fascist ideology usually called Legism, as opposed to more patriarchal Confucianism. Scratch that. Plato was actually quite a good fascist, except, unlike the Legist and Sulla, he had no chance to practice what he preached.
A quote from page two of this opus;
I fear this may end up overloading S,N!’s collective senses. I’ve never seen such a concentrated pile of bullshit in my life.
well it did take 5 years. Do you think those bulls shit themselves?
Didn’t we decide that comparisons of contemporary figures and governments to the Nazi’s is a bullshit bit of rhetoric unless they are actively engaged in genocide?
Also, while Hitler and his ilk may have had some tendencies that we equate with 21st century hippie wannabe’s, Ronald Regan sought guidance from an astrologer. What does that make him?
Oh I know, when I recently went to my local natural foods co-op to buy some bulk psyllium powder, I thought to myself “where have I seen these organic vegetables, these germs, honeys and dreadlocked white women before- ah, yes: Dachau.” I mean it’s like Nuremburg all over again in those places.
Shut up! It only counts when it’s liberals.
The fact is, French has always been our worst enemy, in the guise of a friend.
French is only your worst enemy if your partner hasn’t brushed their teeth lately.
Don’t mindlessly celebrate or malign it, understand it.
And therein lies the problem for wingnuts. “Understanding” is what liberal peacenik moral relativists do; real men simply make snap judgments and never deviate from them. Learning — and all the messiness and shades of gray therein — is for pussies, don’t you know.
Starting wars simply to demonstrate national strength is about a billion times more fascist than some namby-pamby bureaucrat telling you not to super-size your fries.
The fact is, this is not true. We do need to start wars with our enemies, or the enemy will invade. And kill. But liberals think they will be there best friends.
Ironically enough, Principal Blackman, that’s a classic fascist position. Perhaps not a National Socialist position, but Fascists were men of action, not thought.
Jillian, I’m guessing that Gary is much like our self-mutilating college friend in th’other thread and has, uh, issues with “passionate kissing”*
* seriously, WTF?
Man, do I miss passionate kissing.
Yeah… Korea, and Vietnam, and Grenada, and Iraq were going to invade us and that’s why… you know what, fuck it, that didn’t qualify as writing, so I’m just going to assume that you can’t read either.
so who do you like in the primary, Gary?
Er .. when was the last time the US was seriously faced with invasion? The War of 1812?
When do we level London?
Pantload does know that his conservative companion piece Michael Savage Wiener is an herbalist, too.
Wonder how that bit of conflicting data seemed to escape his attention. Maybe it’s because ol’ Jonah’s preselecting his data.
How conservative.
“I already want to throw my genitals into a deep-frier…”
Tempura batter, or corn meal? It’s important for me to know.
Indeed, the more someone uses the word “fascist” in every conversation, the less likely it is he knows what he’s talking about.
Well, Doughy got that right, anyway. One look at his TOC proves it.
So if Hitler liked vegetables, anyone else who likes vegetables is also a fascist? Is that how this logic works?
Let’s see if I got this right…
I went to the dentist today. Hitler went to a dentist. Therefore, dentists are teh Hitler?
It’s like they’re fascist Smurfs. Instead of replacing every eighth word they say with “Smurf”, they replace it with “fascist”. It’s almost cute, like when a three year old learns a curse word and realizes they can get a reaction out of adults by saying “damn” – so they just keep saying it.
yanno we haven’t heard from Brad in a while….
I hope he’s out killing brain cells with beer, and didn’t fall head first into the deep fryer.
Now, being a weirdo left-libertarian hybrid myself, I’m against regulating things such as trans fats, cigarettes and other unhealthy products that people should have the right to consume if they so choose. But do-gooder liberals who want to ban cigarettes or potato chips just aren’t fascists. They’re not even distantly related to fascists.
That about sums up my views, Brad. Back in the 90s I used to refer to the smoking banners and junk food alarmists as “safety Nazis,” but stopped doing so when suddenly I realized there are people who are fucking serious about that description. The buttinsky types may be paternalistic nanny-staters, but they are not fascists.
And btw. I was raised in a far-far-right Catholic sect, the same one Mel Gibson and his father belong to, where Vatican II and all popes since the 50s are rejected or ignored. Those freaks are ALL INTO organic food, homeopathy, vitamin therapy and all kinds of woo-woo. They have many protestant right-wing analogs. It ain’t hardly just a phenomenon of “left-wing” New Agers.
Jonah is too moronic to take seriously. Yet he writes for the LAT. All is wrong with the universe.
I’m a fascist,
you’re a fascist,
we’re a fascist,
they’re a fascist,
wouldn’tya like to be a fascist too?
Doughy Pantload,
Drink Doughy Pantload…
No, thanks. Really…
Bradrocket, despair not. The definitive takedown of Goldberg’s drivel was written 5 years ago, around the time Jonah was supposed to have his opus finished:
“Make comparisons to Hitler. This is a surprisingly flexible technique because Hitler was a busy guy. He did everything from eating to painting landscapes to attacking the world. So if someone argues that napping is good for you, point out that Hitler liked napping too.”
-Scott Adams, “Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel,” pg. 236. The chapter is called “Weasel Debating Techniques,” and Jonah seems to have mistaken it for a how-to manual.
Nixon signed into law the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, Endangered Species Act and National Environmental Policy Act.
Nixon = Liberal Fascist.
I can do that for 400 pages, no prob.
We had a guy at work who liked to huff the tailpipe of his Festiva for that awesome carbon monoxide buzz, and we were like, rock on, dude. But one day he decided to run a hose from his tailpipe into the office window, and we had to kick his ass. Because it’s, you know, what fascists like to do.
Well, duh, the Jacobins would thus be among the Great Great Great Great Grandfathers of Fascism.
bollocks, it was the roundheads…
And about the French Revolution. I own have had thrice read Simon Schama’s Citizens: A Chronicle of the French Revolution. I recalled no discussion of fascism, fascists, Hitler or Mussolini therein, and sure enough, there are no such entries in the index.
But then Schama was just an emeritus prof of history at Harvard when he wrote the tripe. I’m sure Jonah knows better.
Mona- Jonah states several times in the book that liberals love to fascistically rely on the opinions of “experts” to keep the little people down. You citation of a scholarly man only proves his point- THAT YOU ARE A LIBERAL FASCIST, ZOMG LOL!!11!!
Mona- Jonah states several times in the book that liberals love to fascistically rely on the opinions of “experts” to keep the little people down.
And Schama tends to be Burkean in his views of the American v. the French revolution, but he does not remotely conceive of the latter as some precursor to fascism. Mindless revolution, yes. (The French tried to dump literally every aspect of their prior culture, which is humanly unworkable; the Americans did not reject the better aspects of Britain, such as the common law and court system.)
Jonha is teh idiot. The French Revolution is a complex, bloody and awful matter, but isn’t a lesson in liberals and fascism.
If Schama is still around, would it be worth his mind and time to review Jonah’s shit? How could we really ask that?
would it be worth [Schama’s] mind and time to review Jonah’s shit?
Today the chef recommends the long answer, which consists of the word ‘No!’, resting on a bed of obscenities and drizzled with more obscenities.
Or if you’re in a hurry, I can offer a short answer.
Er .. when was the last time the US was seriously faced with invasion? The War of 1812?
How dare you forget the Alamo! And the Confederacy! And the Maine!
Hey, watch what you do with your genitals, here in the south, fried genitals are a delicacy.
Which, as I’ve pointed out before, is about as intellectually rigorous as “If it isn’t made from babies, why do they call it BABY oil?”.
Considering what baby oil was invented for, you always want to have some around when the Doughy Pantload might show up.
If I were younger & had the energy, I would suggest pelting Jonah with bottles of the stuff at his every appearance.
The French Revolution was undeniably statist, but to argue it was fascist is laughable, not all statism is fascism.
Fascism is not statism – the core of fascism is the Party, as the Party represents the spirit of the nation, and the Leader of course is the supreme incarnation of the Party and the People (who are one). The state should be subservient to the Party and its Leader, and not obstruct the will of the people as carried out unfailingly by the Party and its Leader. In America today who is more likely to believe that his party and party leader represents the true voice of the American people and therefore should have licence to run the state however they want, laws be damned? A conservative or a liberal?
Maybe Jonah will start dressing like V for Vendetta now.
Anne, we could follow him and call him a fascist. Or fatass. Either way.
A fatcyst?
[…] Sadly, No! reviews another stellar publishing accomplishment. […]
[…] in douchiness, part […]
My asshole is a fascist because sometimes it’s brown, as in brownshirts …..
Willy Wonka?
Chocofacist, and he enslaved thousands of Oompa-Loompas for less than market wages, condemning them to a life of violence and making biting musical commentary about health care, rude kids, squirrels, and liberal media teleporting chocolate bars.
As El Pantalode’ can tell you, the whole point is to enslave cheap labor for no wages at all.
[…] Why? Because you cannot make up anything for parody purposes than sounds crazier than the things conservatives already say, every single day, in front of the entire world and in perfect […]
Er .. when was the last time the US was seriously faced with invasion? The War of 1812?
Wait … are the Replubicans talking about the Mexicans invading? Don’t they want to build a wall to stop the invasion?
BTW, This is a wonderfully silly discussion.
Umberto Eco in “Foucault’s Pendulum” defined exactly what JG engages in, moronic logic:
A dog is a pet.
Dog’s bark.
A cat is a pet.
Ergo, cat’s bark.
Fats Durston said,
December 18, 2007 at 7:05
Er .. when was the last time the US was seriously faced with invasion? The War of 1812?
How dare you forget the Alamo! And the Confederacy! And the Maine!
And Red Dawn! Wolveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!
How dare you forget the Alamo! And the Confederacy! And the Maine!
And Red Dawn! Wolveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!
But — what about the aliens in Independence Day, or “War Of The Worlds” (both versions)? Or Robot Monster?
What about the giant Octopus, or the Alosaur, in “It Came From Beneath The Sea” or Beast From 20,000 Fathoms??
Those were serious invasions, man. I remember ’em all. And America was able to recover with absolutely no effect to our economy.
Goldberg is such a clown. He’s a really bad writer with really bad logic and makes really bad arguments.
The sad thing is, he’s a featured columnist for major media outlets like the Los Angeles Times.
Jonah Goldberg is evidence that conservatives don’t really support “meritocracy”. He owes his entire existence the rampant cronyism running through conservative circles.
Any bets which book (this one or Jeff Gannon’s) hits the remainder rack first? My money’s on Jeffy.
… Holy crap this uhm…
This honestly hurts my brain.
Liberalism and Fascism are about as polar opposite as you can get; the only thing further would be Communism, and Communism actually does the “So opposite that it can be close to the same” wrap-around trick.
But Liberalism is about (gasp) Liberty, Justice, Equality, and Taking Care of People – Where the crap would someone get the idea that that has ANYTHING to do with Fascism?
Fascism is about hardcore Nationalism, Scapegoating, Social Darwinism, and Corporatism. Those are, as defined by the freaking encyclopedia, the defining characteristics of Fascism.
And the French Revolution was FASCIST? How?! It was, very simply, people pissed at the monarchy who’d been screwing them over; so they stood up and did something about it.
Does that sound familiar?
Was George Washington a Fascist?
“Ruh-roh!” LOL That was my favorite part of this whole piece. 😀
Rush Limbaugh was way ahead of Goldberg on this. I remember probably ten years ago Limbaugh painstakingly (and painfully…) explicating this thesis:
1) The Soviet Union took away individuals’ freedom
2) The USSR was run by communists
3) Communists are leftists
4) Liberals are leftists
5) The Nazis also took away individuals’ freedom
6) Therefore Communists and Nazis are the same thing
7) Therefore liberals are Nazis.
No really. He actually said that.
All you silly liberalpinkofascistcommies just don’t understand. Anything that smacks of “the people”–and this is exactly what the French Revolution was, the bourgeoisie and working classes revolting against the privileged class–IS indeed “fascist” (read “oppressive”) to the landed, wealthy, and useless ruling class. They are born to rule and we are born to be their worker bees. The problem is, these 21st century wealthy are really just boorish wealthy bourgeois who, as Stendhal observed in The Red and the Black, “know the price of everything and the value of nothing.”
Mmm, those Germans love them some honey. Every flippin town in Germany that a bee ever flew through has produced organic honey.
Ah yes, the old “Hitler was a vegetarian” myth. I’m not surprised that Jonah swallowed it whole and ran with it. Wonderful premise for a book: if you have anything remotely in common with a Nazi, then you are a Nazi. Hitler loved his dog (fact!). Therefore, dog lovers are Nazis. No thinking required.
If you deep-fry your testes, please do it in non-trans-fat oil.
People understanding the fact that other species besides homo sapiens deserve respect doesn’t constitute any shade of facsist tendency. Stop over thinking to the point of making ridiculous links between unrelated issues. It’s not helpful to you or the other people like me who accidentally wasted a minute their life trying to comprehend your blathering. The native americans had respect for all life. I guess they are fascists too. Also by labeling people as liberal, repulican, etc. you also confuse yourself more with stereotypes.