Shorter Stalkin’ Malkin

The CIA’s destroyed interrogation videos, what the Dems knew, and when

  • The CIA’s destruction of secret torture videos proves once and for all that the Democrats are pro-torture.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Just an added note: this is a pretty neat little act of contortion on Stalkin’ Malkin’s part. She begins by arguing that the New York Times has conspired to influence the torture debate by publishing articles demonstrating how the government has concealed its torture program (and yes, writing those words is extraordinarily depressing). She then wags her finger at the DEMONKKKrats who want to explicitly ban practices such as waterboarding — practices that, by any sane definition, are torture. Then she pulls off her coup de grâce: She flips the entire argument around and blames the Democrats for not doing enough to hold the CIA accountable for destroying evidence of torture! It’s an impressive feat, especially when you consider that Michelle and pals have already transformed down-is-the-new-up-ism into an art form. Well played.



Comments: 75


Uh, wouldn’t it be up to the Executive branch to hold the CIA responsible, or to tell them what to do, or keep track of them? And once they’ve screwed it up, then Congress investigates & passes laws that the Exec. branch ignores?


Second!! I have to go to sleep now.


Wow, I thought “Blame the Democrats if Bush vetos funds for the troops” was bad.

Next Fox News will identify him as “the Democrat president” in their scroll bar.

Johnny Coelacanth

Wow, Anthony Hopkins in drag with his legs over his head? Nice picture. I think you should photoshop Michelle’s face in there somewhere, though.


Summarizing the Malkontent’s latest pile of poop for us here, so that we don’t have to subject our computers to the wear, tear, and depreciation of clicking onto the horror firsthand over there, is a true public service, and for that I thank you, Sir!


And here I thought this was a Repuke administration. Who knew…


I need a drink to follow this logic. Make it a double.


As someone with very poor range of motion, that bottom pic makes my back hurt.

BTW, where’d you get that pic of the carp? I’ve seen silver, white and gold ones, but never brown.


From HotAir:

This, essentially, is the result of Sen. John McCain’s announced policy of keeping interrogation techniques like waterboarding illegal, but knowing full well that it will be used in extreme circumstances, and that when it is used the agents who used it will find themselves in legal jeopardy no matter what the outcome of the interrogation was. It’s the politics of passing the buck.

That is exactly the same argument used by Cheney et al in the Iran-Contra Minority Report. They basically argued that it was all Congress’ fault for banning aid to the Contras (who, ironically, were terrorists in the purest sense of the word)


I want to hear Malkin’s take on the breaking news exposing the Marshmallow Jihad that threatens Malibu.

There is clear evidence that the Malibu Corral Canyon Fire was set by terrorists using unholy and cruel weapons of flaming confectionery projectiles, and it seems to me that Malkin and Hot Air networks, and her crack team of ghostbusters, are just the ones to fight these evildoers.

From the article: “[there are] unsubstantiated reports that lit marshmallows were used as projectiles based on where the burnt confections were found.


[…] Because he refused to legalize torture, John McCain forced these guys to break the law. Bryan’s take is as entertaining as Michelle’s. […]


Oh no! And someone told me that marshmallows are made with gum of Arabic! Marshmallow Terrorists!! Everybody! run away, run away!!


Fortunately, the CIA has already perfected the enhanced interrogation techniques, it needs to fight these terrorists:


Well, really. It’s always the Democrats’ fault with Malkin, Limbaugh, O’Reilly and the rest of them. I mean, really, that’s their sole point. So talk about “phoning it in,” once you know it will always be the Democrats’ fault (no matter what “it” is), you really don’t need to pay much attention anymore.

Smiling Mortician

Wow, Anthony Hopkins in drag

Nah, that’s Jack Lemmon.


I like the comments on her web site: not torturing = being “nice”

Fucking blowhards.


“Wingnut” has become far too effete to describe these wackos. They are beyond repair. Our only hope is to marginalize the nuttier ones like Malkin in hopes most reasonable Americans have come to their senses after their post-9/11 fear and hatred binge.


She identified Andrew Sullivan as a left-wing blogger. Enough said.

Well, maybe more to be said. She also uses the example of Rep. Jane Harmon, one of the few Democrats who knew of the CIA’s intention to destroy the tapes. Harman wrote back saying it was a bad idea. They did it anyway without telling anyone. This is the basis for it all being the Dems fault.


A drink (even a double) isn’t going to help you with that logic. This logic requires an understanding of 2006 retroactive election regression calculus and quantum policy shifts.

Only insane fuckers know that shit.


Anthony Hopkins or Jack Lemon in Drag?

Yer both wrong. It’s Malcolm McDowell, circa Clockwork Orange.


Wow it took 72 whole comments before Sun Tzu, and “von Clausewitz” were rolled out as justification for torture. However, Sandy Berger, teh Caliphate!!!111on2thirteen, and Jack Bauer, fortunately, all got a lot of air time in the comments.

I have a theory about Sun Tzu and Clausewitz: those who regularly and loudly cite them as justifications for their own immoral and evil behavior, cleraly have read neither.


As someone with very poor range of motion, that bottom pic makes my back hurt.

That’s not exactly the feeling I felt…

Nice screen cap of Her Lady of Perpetual Outrage. I don’t know which is better, this one or the one with the crawl proclaiming her some sort of criminal.


A drink (even a double) isn’t going to help you with that logic.

Maybe if it’s paint thinner, with a shot of automotive ether floated on top.
To wash down the horse tranquilizers (


Oh, and don’t forget to garnish that with a generous sprinkling of lead paint chips.


Or green and blue Spn Master Aqua Dots, I save my favorite colors for last, but I only have a few left.


Our only hope is to marginalize the nuttier ones like Malkin in hopes most reasonable Americans have come to their senses after their post-9/11 fear and hatred binge.

Sadly, no, that won’t happen. Human nature being what it is.

As for Malkin, I’m sure she will still be with us in her/our old age. After all, she is our Lady of Perpetual Outrage,


The fact is, she will certainly live to see William Kristol Jr assume the editorship of Commentary.


Some insane fucker who knows his shit wrote at Malkins site:

“The only reason for this Brouhaha is because the Leftists cannot pubicly expose the agents and put their lives and families lives at risk

Nothing would satisfy the Congressional Leftists and their supporters more than having some CIA agents and their families killed”

You see, his advanced knowledge of 2006 retroactive election regression calculus and quantum shifts has allowed him to become concerned with CIA employees, something that would not have been possible under a Republican controlled congress during the Valerie Plame affair.

It’s actually quite remarkable seeing what happens when you apply advanced mathematical techniques to historical failures, it’s even more entertaining than “Numbers”.


Teh fact is, “Numbers” have an inherent left-wing bias. Just like “Facts”.

Here in the Heartland, we rely on neither.


Th fact is, liberlas continue to insist on depilatory treetments, but in the Heartland, we let our back pelts blow in the breeze.


Even the emotionally vapid and intellectually deranged can be good writers.


– …. . / ..-. .- -.-. – / .. …

Arky - Cthulhusexual

Just give it a while. Bush will announce that some “valuable information” (that he can’t share because it’s a secret) emerged from waterboarding sessions and the Malkinettes will get whiplash as they scramble to declare that no Demoncrat anywhere ever had anything to do with waterboarding.


My eyes!! AAggggh my eyes!!!


I want to hear Malkin’s take on the breaking news exposing the Marshmallow Jihad that threatens Malibu.

Keep on this story, g. This is huge! A question to consider: Why did they decide to buy their marshmallows at Ralph’s? Coincidence, convenience? I think not.

We value America’s diversity and constantly strive to reflect the diversity of the communities where we operate, in our associates and the companies who are our business partners.


Women and people of color are slightly more than half of the managers and 60% of the professionals in our Company. We are committed to continuous improvement in the representation of women and people of color in our management ranks, including the highest levels of the Company and our Board of Directors. Our successor planning process requires managers and department heads to provide annual updates on progress made in the placement and promotion of women and people of color.

Coded language, of course, but we all know what the message is: “Islamallowfascists, welcome.”

Johnny Coelacanth

The Islamallowfascists snuck into this country disguised as wholesome Smores. Once across the border, they jettisoned their friendly graham cracker and Hershey’s chocolate facades and struck north to Malibu, there to incinerate hapless American homes. Where will they strike next?


Breaking News!

Paultards plan attack on Boston Harbor!

This will make that Mooninite horror seem like a walk in the park…watch yourself, The Hon. Dr. St. Rev. Bradley S. Rocket, Esq, PhD, MD!11eleven!!


Who’s to say that the hurling of flaming sugary projectiles is not a subtle rebuke to America? We did, after all, expect flowers and candies to be thrown in the streets of Baghdad. Is the launching of fiery marshmallows into the flammable chaparral a cruel take on giving Americans what we wished for?

There’s even more to this than I thought. Here’s information about the shadowy financial ties linking marshmallows to Islamofascists.

You’ll note they brag of their success in inter-confectionery trade with the powerful markets of the Middle East. “Only a year after their introduction, Just Born products are displayed on the shelves of nine countries in the Middle East with Saudi Arabia being our largest and most successful distributor. The above picture shows the MIKE AND IKE® and ZOURS® lines displayed in a hypermarket in Saudi Arabia.”

Just Born, you’ll note, is the manufacturer of Peeps – clearly, a very dangerous tool in the Terrorists’ arsenal.

And – as a craven gesture of submission to the Caliphate, the ironically-named American Marshmallow Company specifically states: “We introduced to the Middle East with great success a specially manufactured line of Campfire® marshmallows. These marshmallows are made with Fish Gelatin as opposed to Pork Gelatin, which is prohibited in the Middle East.”

Next thing they’ll be wearing headscarves and allowing the StaPuft Man to grow a beard!


Totally O/T (surprise, surprise)

Just in case you don’t know what to get that squirrel in you life who has everything?

Worry no more!





The fact is, you attempt to humourize me is not very funny. It is biased as are all attempts by liberals to engage in debate and reasoned discourse.


Toby! That site is a find! I hope the basement squirrels don’t learn about it.

I especially like the testimonial of its proprietor:

Hi there I build armor for people because I like the positive feedback I get from them and I like to work with my hands. I enjoy what I do and it shows in my work. Its like you get your own personal armorer when you buy my items because I like talking about armor and helping people make theirs work better for them.

How many people actually wear armor, I wonder? In what context?

I like the dog armor, though. And I think the Horse Armor may be an important tool in the War on Terra, Malibu theatre.


I can make you a set of steel dog armor like this for 500$ Your dog will need to be a pitbull shaped dog around 65 lbs or Ill need your dog here in person to get the fit right.

Custom-made dog armor. Do you suppose Kaye Grogan does his copy-writing for him?


What the hell is a “hypermarket”?

Supermarkets aren’t super enough for the House of Saud?

In what qualifying characteristic is the threshold located?

Square footage? Number of aisles, shelves, products?

Electrically powered carts with WiFi?

And, as terra- surely follows giga-, what does a hypermarket become when it grows exponentially, nay, logarithmically in the appropriate categories?



The first Wal-Mart Hypermart opened in Topeka, KS in the late eighties.

It is just basically a big ass grocery store combined with a K-Mart.

And it looked like a crayon box.

I want an armored teacup chihuahua.


Armor is SO maginot.

You hunker behind your “impregnable” defensive breastworks, and absorb whatever incoming they choose to throw at you.

I’m gonna take the position that your armor budget is better spent on offensive weaponry, particularly something of the projectile type.

I mean, you saw ultimately the value of armor in that north hollywood gunfight a few years ago. They would have been better served by an artillery battery…



Check out the ‘Cold Metal Bra’ in the Women’s section.

Practical and Sexy!


Dressable Steel Womens breastplate with removable steel bra. Bra can be
worn separately also. 275.00 to your door.


This guy is a genius!

Comedy Gold.


Cold Metal Bra has perky nipples. Go figure.


mikey, as a military man, how would you defend against flying fiery marshmallows?


He’d shoot those motherfuckers outta the sky as they came in.


I would try to catch them and blow them out, cause I heart S’mores!


You defend against fiery marshmallows with Freeze Storm or any other higher level water based attack. Noob skillz don’t have acceptable success rates.


First line of defense against fiery marshmallows:

Asbestos gloves.

Second line?

Room Temperature Hersheys bars.




Oh, noes!

I just started looking at the Galleries of Armor.

Wow! My new favorite diversion.


Maybe you and I are more a like that i thought, mikey.


I’m still puzzled why congressional Dems are responsible for something that happened when the Repubs held both Houses of Congress.
I guess I’m just slow.


Nah, diffbrad, you’re not slow.

You’re clearly a hyperpartisan with BDS.




The fact is, Michelle’s logic is impenetrable.

Arky - Cthulhusexual

What the hell is a “hypermarket”?

Grocery store + Department store = Not driving all over Godknows to do your shopping. They are (or were) quite common in Europe and if you think back to the old general goods store were you could buy beans, salt pork, fabric and a plow, it makes sense.

I think the word hypermarket is just er… hype.


I love her last line: “They [Democrats] knew and they did nothing.” As if they could have, say, invited themselves over to the CIA’s pad and, while the CIA was in the kitchen putting together some crackers and cheese, swapped out the interrogation tapes (on a shelf in the living room) with some old porn tapes that they had in their NPR totebag. Yeah, that would have worked.

Has anyone done a contest involving this and similar screenshots of MishMalk to vote on which one is most likely her O-face? No? Thank Jeebus.


“They [Democrats] knew and they did nothing.”

Of course, the Republicans on the same committee did exactly….what now?

Mehitabel the Abyssinian

Do not want kitteh armour. Exo-skeleton is for the evil weta. I fight the weta and win!
Want back-mounted flame-thrower.


Custom-made dog armor.

Does Dobson’s dog know about this? I’m sure he’d like some.

And Mehitablel, there are some kittens that like their armour.


See, I”m not impressed that Malkin tries to pull this shit off. I’m impressed that people actually believe her.

Give ’em the old razzle-dazzle. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, oh yes, they both reached for the gun.


Some Guy: I showed that clip from “Chicago” once to my sophomore journalism class. It was a turning point in my teaching career. After that my students quit sitting on their hands and instead started raising them.

General Relativity

As it turns out the Dems might not have known after all.

Democrats call for investigation of CIA’s destruction of torture tapes

The Politico has a copy of a new letter from Reyes and Hoekstra to Hayden, calling him out on false statements he made in his message to CIA employees.

The implication of [Hayden’s] statement is that Congress was fully informed as to the practice of videotaping interrogations and notified “years ago” as to the destruction of the videotapes.

Based upon available records and our best recollection, this simply is not true.

This Committee was not informed of the decision to destroy these videotapes until earlier this year. The notification came in the form of an offhand comment you made in response to a question during a briefing on March 14, 2007. The destruction was briefly mentioned again in a letter to one Member of this Committee dated April 19, 2007.

We do not consider this to be sufficient notification. Moreover, these brief mentions were certainly not contemporaneous with the decision to destroy the videotapes.

That conforms to what Sen. Rockefeller said about the experience of the intelligence committee in the other chamber.

Several commenters on this thread believe that there is a basic contradiction in what members of Congress are arguing. I’m not so sure that is true.

The point made by Harman, Rockefeller, et alii is that the CIA and the administration did not brief them about the tapes until after the CIA had destroyed the tapes.

There were of course many reports of such tapes existing. That is why for example the judge who was trying the case of Zacarias Moussaoui asked the federal government to hand the tapes over, and why lawyers for Padilla also asked for them.

It’s one thing to see unconfirmed reports about the tapes. It’s quite another to receive a briefing about them by the CIA. Michael Hayden, in his message to CIA employees, stated “The leaders of our oversight committees in Congress were informed of the videos years ago and of the Agency’s intention to dispose of the material.” That appears to be false, if you believe the members of Congress who state that they were briefed only recently and after the tapes had been destroyed.

Meanwhile, Valtin points out that videotapes of Jose Padilla’s interrogation in Charleston S.C. went missing.

Also, two other commenters make interesting points. First, Lysias reminds us that “According to Ron Suskind (who has CIA sources,) Abu Zubaydah was tortured on Bush’s orders, over CIA protests.” This is related to the comment by AlyoshaKaramazov, who argues that in the past Bush has taken a different route when scandals pop up; typically, Bush claims that he was never informed. Here, Perino has Bush claiming that he has no memory.

Together, these two things perhaps suggest that Bush knows all too well that he may be tied either to ordering the interrogation(s), or to direct knowledge of the tapes (perhaps having viewed them).

Still, I agree with Glen Greenwald that neither Harmon nor Rockefeller look good through all this.

…upon learning of the CIA’s intent to obstruct justice and destroy evidence, Harman did nothing other than privately ask them not to do so (and presumably never bothered to follow-up to receive any commitment from them that they wouldn’t destroy that evidence). In other words, upon learning of the CIA’s intent to commit a criminal act, she pointlessly (and self-servingly) put herself on record as being opposed and then went about her business — exactly as Jay Rockefeller did upon learning that the Bush administration was illegally spying on Americans. That isn’t why we have Congressional oversight of the intelligence community, and it speaks volumes that Harman’s office apparently thinks this version of events reflects well on her at all.


Oh crap, forgot to change my nick back.


a different brad said,

I’m still puzzled why congressional Dems are responsible for something that happened when the Repubs held both Houses of Congress.
I guess I’m just slow.

I had a long post about this but the spam filter ate it. Still, what you have to do is to get your mind into the mind of an authoritarian like MMaulkin. In wingnut psychology you see, everything revolves around us because we are the parent objects for them.Therefore, whenever the right misbehaves it is our fault because we didn’t stop them. Even though they lied and cheated it’s our fault. We are the adults and we should have known better.

It’s like when Bush made the threat recently that “If you don’t want world war three you had better stop me before I kill again”. Or something like that. That was the subtext anyway.



Ugh…I’ll never forget the first time I got dragged to fucking “Hot Air”. Anyone else remember when Ann Coulter made the “fag joke” and Malkin threw a MAJOR hissy over it? Now that was funny. She went absolutely apeshit telling everyone, well demanding rather, that they not tolerate Coulter’s intolerance.

Or for the “Shorter Malkin Hissy Fit”: no one is allowed to support the blonde bitch because I still want her #1 wingnut female pundit/author spot…I mean it, only MY INTOLERANCE!

noen–yep, that was the subtext I got too from Bush….that “Out of Office Countdown” calendar is looking better all the time. I might just put it up a bit early.


Well, as annoying as she is, it’s nice to know you can always get a “happy finish” out of Michelle. For $20, that is.

It’s probably another ten bucks or so to get her legs behind her head.

Remember, discounts for Republican men only.


Moxie, or a tutorial in how not to cheer-lead. Or try to act. Or proof that an entire team cannot make someone with no charisma seem to have any on video. Just sayin’.

I still want to get her to flip out on camera at CPAC. I wanna go! Funny!


[…] yes, I tragically concede that Michelle Malkin was right about the Dem leadership favoring torture. Thanks again, Democrats. I never ever ever […]


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