Legendary Lost ‘Smile’ Album Completed
Posted on December 6th, 2007 by Gavin M.
They’re Here [Jonah Goldberg]
The final, real, copies of the book were just dropped off on my doorstep. I guess there’s no turning back now.
There was one last-minute change of title:
But Jonah is preparing to face a brand-new phase of his career:
As the author of a respected best-seller on American politics:
[Hanx! Instaputz; cover art hiked from Grace Nearing and Heywood J.]
Bradrocket adds: OMGOMGOMGOMG HE FINALLY FINISHED IT!!! I hope “Heroes and Villains” makes the final cut, not to mention the wacky-ass thing where he wore a fire helmet in the studio!!
Never have so few waited so long for so little.
Heh, indeed.
I’m eating Cheetos right now, and I’m not experi- hurgh!
The fact is, lieberal demonrats are commie fascists intent on destroying AMERICA’s CHRISTIAN heritage.
The problem, as I see it, is regardless of ideology or concept, Jonah writes like a home-schooled fourth grader with untreated ADD and a couple of learning disabilities.
Why would anyone, even someone who agreed with his idiotic positions, be willing to slog through hundreds of pages of his turgid prose, stilted language, logical fallacies and unsupported (and unsupportable) conclusions? I mean, think about this. Someone, somewhere is actually going to sit down and read that oddly-arranged roll of toilet paper.
Boggles the mind…
mikey
Meanwhile, at the headquarters for the Legion of Scaife we hear:
“Get out the freaking black markers — these books won’t remainder themselves!”
At least they arrived on his doorstep early enough for him to give them as holiday gifts to his 10,000 closest friends.
The final, real, copies of the book
As opposed to the final fake copies?
The final, real, copies of the book were just dropped off on my doorstep
Whereupon I made great haste to stamp out the fulminating sac of canine fæces perched atop mine parcel. Consarned young wags!
I will still believe it when I see it summarised, chapter by chapter, by the entire SN! “staff”.
There’s no turning back now.
We have seen this book on Amazon for a year, right? This is the most delayed wingnut book in memory.
How did the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man write a book? Must have been in Zuul form at the time.
I hope someone tapes his speech and the q&a at the “War is, like, Awesome!!” forum.
“I guess there’s no turning back now.”
Hmm, is this a statement reflecting some measure of self-analysis?
I can already tell that my favorite chapter is going to be the one where his commenters explain Spencer to him. Does his subtitle still insist that Mussolini was an American leftist, or is he now maintaining that Aristotle was a Belgian?
“The final, real, copies of the book were just dropped off on my doorstep”
Wait, Jonah has to take them to the bookstores ?
Cheap-ass publishers……
I kinda want to see it, if only to find out how they decided how to handle his endnotes. I’m guessing something like
1. Bleg response from anonymous reader, NRO Corner (New York, NY) 2003
2. ibid….
At last (or is that “alas”?), we’ll get to experience the Doughy Pantload’s output. After the long labor to produce it, I’m sure it’s a log of massive proportions.
Can we start a pool? Five blogging points to the first person who gets the e-mail from either Regnery or Town Hall:
“FREE! Jonah Goldberg’s latest book: Liberals, And Why I Despise Those Beautiful, Slender, Well-Thought Out Rat Bastards Who Kept Breaking The Grading Curve at Phillips Exeter
The College Republicans at the University of Massachusetts
That would be Amherst. I’m at Umass Boston and there are no Republicans. In 2004 their faculty advisor dropped them. Despite being a racist, sexist, elitist bigot, the guy is also openly gay and periodically sane. Not only could they not get a new advisor, they couldn’t get the 30 odd signatures to petition recognition by the senate.
So finally last year they got enough peeps to sign (probably by disguising as a petition for free porn) and shuffled into the student center with their three members. We stuck them between the Maoists and MassPIRG. They never came back.
Why do I hear this in the voice of the creepy little girl from Poltergeist?
Never have so few waited so long for so little.
…or in such detail or with such care.
We stuck them between the Maoists and MassPIRG.
Mmmm, sammich…
Well played, my walking friend.
According to Amazon.com it’s 496 pages long, but is no longer a foam book.
The final subtitle is: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning.
That is a secret history! Not only did I not know that Mussolini was a leftist…I had no idea he was an American!
But wait, did he keep the Mussolini title? Seriously?
My next book:
Conservative Nanny-statism: The American Right from Stalin to the Patriot Act.
I’m so excited to read the snarky reviews, I can barely concentrate on my usual liberal fascist routine!
Wait, Jonah has to take them to the bookstores ?
It’s the paper-route method of distribution.
If your erection lasts more than 4 seconds, consult a mortician, because it’s rigor mortis dude.
Love,
Cialis
At last (or is that “alas”?), we’ll get to experience the Doughy Pantload’s output.
Hee hee – though I bet this will be the first time he gets to experience it. I bet it was really written by a succession of put-upon interns.
“It’s the paper-route method of distribution.”
Nice mental image of Jonah on his Schwinn !
Teh Facts Is you guys are just jealous that YOUR mom didn’t get you a writing gig and a book deal. Jonah is now a respected conservative author and you can’t handle knowing he’s a success even if you are smarter and funnier than him. Wait, hold on a sec
Oddly, the book allegedly got a good review from somebody.
I’m puzzled. Publishers Weekly isn’t insane, but at the same time I’ve never seen a hint of evidence that Jonah’s capable of anything resembling thought.
Now I’m actually curious, damnit.
Someone, somewhere is actually going to sit down and read that oddly-arranged roll of toilet paper.
I wouldnt (read that) if you paid me.
I couldnt (do) that, no siree!
I couldnt do the things the way those people do.
I couldnt (read that) if you paid me to.
They aren’t going to bookstores. Jonah has to sell them personally, and when he collects enough points he can get that bike lantern, scout axe, model cub piper, and maybe even (if his mom lets him) an air rifle.
The Secret History of the American Right: From Marvin the Martian to Ming the Merciless.
Another CRUMmy event?
And shouldn’t that be “grizzling worrier”?
Look, next, for:
1. Uniformly admiring reviews by D’Souza, Ponnoru, etc. These will have nothing to do with the accuracy of the book’s “facts” or the spuriousness of its interpretations based on those “facts.” They’ll also sprain their own and each other’s wrists patting themselves on the back for their objectivity in “taking issue with one or two items.”
2. Uniformly flaying, roasting, broasting, bbq-licious demolitions of it in, not only lefty mags/blogs/etc., but nominally centrist places, too.
3. Pantload’s incessant, relentless use of “as I say in my book,” using his own quoting of himself to prove a point he himself is making, in complete disregard of everything said that disproves his “courageous” thesis. Shorter Pantload subtext from here to eternity: “It must be true. It’s in a book!”
Talk about noise machine–it’s non-polluting and greener if you amplify your own noise your own self.
He lays low such lights of liberal history as Margaret Sanger, apparently a radical eugenicist, and JFK, whose cult of personality, according to Goldberg, reeks of fascist political theater. Much of this will be music to conservatives’ ears, but other readers may be stopped cold by the parallels Goldberg draws between Nazi Germany and the New Deal.
That fucking fascist, JFK. That fucking Nazi, FDR.
The book’s tone suffers as it oscillates between revisionist historical analyses and the application of fascist themes to American popular culture; nonetheless, the controversial arc Goldberg draws from Mussolini to The Matrix is well-researched, seriously argued — and funny.
Funny, ha-ha, or funny, weird? Or funny, unintentionally?
Who the hell wrote that review – Richard Cohen?
They aren’t going to bookstores. Jonah has to sell them personally, and when he collects enough points he can get that bike lantern, scout axe, model cub piper, and maybe even (if his mom lets him) an air rifle.
You’ll shoot yer eye out, kid.
Goldberg’s study of the conceptual overlap between fascism and ideas emanating from the environmental movement, Hollywood, the Democratic Party and what he calls other left-wing organs is shocking and hilarious.
This actually looks like Jonah’s writing. Shocking AND hilarious? THe reviewer must have had a seizure reading the thing. That’s like saying something is both somber and whimsical.
Here’s the Publishers Weekly review (scroll down to the very bottom:
http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6504692.html
No name of review – apparently no one wanted to be associated with that piece of drivel.
One other review caught my eye, though:
Big Bone Lick: The Cradle of American Paleontology
Stanley Hedeen. Univ. Press of Kentucky, $24.95 (200p) ISBN 978-0-8131-2485-8
History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossil bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontology in America. The saline springs of northern Kentucky’s Big Bone Lick have nurtured humans and animals for centuries, and the bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are there to prove it.
Big. Bone. Lick.
Yum.
Aw, fuck it all.
That would be “no name of reviewer.” Sheesh.
left-wing organs
Submitted without comment.
I’ve been somber and whimsical for most of my life.
Shorter Pantload:
“Ha, ha, ha! Publisher’s Weekly didn’t pan my book, so stick it in your eye, liberals!”
I’m putting money on a payoff from Mommy Dearest directly to some hack churning out reviews on books that none of the more senior reviewers wanted to touch.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
“I’m at Umass Boston and there are no Republicans.”
Dude! I’m Boston State College, Class o’ 1981!! (aka Huntington High; “Going to Boston State is similar to attending college.” “Boston State – the State don’t rate!”)
Actually, I was in the uber-rigorous nursing program, which was absorbed by UM/B. Good times.
The U/Mass gooper site is a freaking hoot. Too bad it’s too out-of-the-way for a S,N! field trip – we could get pantload’s autograph on our free copies of his tome.
Let’s give the folks at U/Mass Amherst their due, though for booing Andy Card at commencement. More good times.
Yeah, I can tell he’s serious by the Margaret Sanger accusation, which has been debunked many times. And none of the august thinkers at Publisher’s Weekly find it odd that the subtitle says Mussolini is part of the American left, or that Jonah apparently claims The Matrix is a bedrock of the American left?
Remember, Ann Coulter’s books always got good, respectful reviews by people impressed with her “research,” until a whole lot of people started relentlessly screaming about her inaccuracies. I’m afraid that’s the way it’s going to be with this one as well.
This actually looks like Jonah’s writing. Shocking AND hilarious?
I bet the book is hilarious, maybe not in the way he intended though. And I’m shocked it was actually published.
The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning
And here I thought the American Left predated Mussolini!
The fact is, the American people have already grown weary of the partisan Democrats and are waiting for a book like this to show them the truth. It will sell over 10 million copies and inspire voters to reject the politics of surrender and hate and elect Tom Tancredo as president.
Well, everyone, Goldberg has us nailed. We can all now admit to our secret back-room Nazi meetings where we conspire to rid the world of gypsies, homosexuals and Jews through global military domination.
The liberals’ game is up! How is he so smart to see right through our false assertions of peace and egalitarian justice? He must be an Übermensch.
Much of this will be music to conservatives’ ears, but other readers may be stopped cold by the parallels Goldberg draws between Nazi Germany and the New Deal.
Let’s just be perfectly clear about this. There are actually serious works of history that draw interesting comparisons (and, yes, parallels) between Germany and the U.S. in the 1930s, for example…
Wolfgang Schivelbusch’s Three New Deals: Reflections on Roosevelt’s America, Mussolini’s Italy, and Hitler’s Germany, 1933-1939.
Kiran Klaus Patel’s Soldiers of Labor: Labor Service in Nazi Germany and New Deal America, 1933-1945
What makes these books serious is that…
a) They don’t argue that, on the basis of a few interesting parallels, TEH LIBRULS = TEH NAZIS!!!1!eleventy-one (in part because, despite some interesting parallels, there are also even more significant differences…including some involving gas chambers!); and
b) Their authors actually did original historical research, can compose intelligent arguments, and have a brain.
Oh, man that Gooper site is lame.
Lame I tell you!
Everyone who subscribes to Grit magazine gets a free copy of, what was it, Totally Secret Totalitarian Temptations, from the Temple Mount to Toblerones in Tempura Batter.
When I think about “cult[s] of personality reek[ing] of fascist political theater”, Kennedy is not the first POTUS to come to mind.
Well, everyone, Goldberg has us nailed. We can all now admit to our secret back-room Nazi meetings where we conspire to rid the world of gypsies, homosexuals and Jews through global military domination.
It’s only a matter of time before he exposes the way families of prominent Democrats secretly supported the Nazis during–
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prescott_Bush#Nazi_collaboration_controversy
Hey! how’d that get in here?
“ideas emanating from … other left-wing organs…”
A couple of different things have emanated from my organ, but I’ve never had the temerity to refer to them as “ideas.”
There’s a pantload of wisdom contained in this marvelous new Jonah Goldberg book!
I’m disappointed there’s no “buy 1get 1 free” Cheetos coupons in it, though. That would have been sweet.
What qualifications does it take to get a reviewer’s gig at Publisher’s Weekly? I’ll wait for the Times or Atlantic review.
Let’s give the folks at U/Mass Amherst their due, though for booing Andy Card at commencement. More good times.
And the men’s soccer team is in the elite 8 of the NCAA tournament. They host Illinois-Chicago this Sunday for a chance to go to the final four!
Best party of campus?
Well back in 1994, that would have been the Cannabis Reform Coalition dance party.
Zoo Mass!
Sorry to have to shout but WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PUBLISH A FUCKING BOOK WHICH STATES THAT FUCKING MUSSOLINI WAS A FUCKING LEFTIST, RIGHT IN THE FUCKING SUBTITLE? DOES THAT NOT CLUE YOU IN TO THE FACT THAT THE AUTHOR IS A FUCKING MORON? JESUS CHRIST FUCK THE WORLD.
This is what comes of coddling a child, always telling him how “special” he is and how “smart” his ideas are. What Jonah Goldberg needs is a darned good caning.
Heh…while the book is no doubt a fetid pile of mental fecal matter, I actually understand what he meant by “real copies.”
He probably last saw the galley copies–basically giant sheets of paper that included how the book will appear as published, but with a massive border around it so he could mark it up if there was something he didn’t like.
I’ve published a few articles and reviewed a galley copy of a textbook…
Still…it’s rather sad that I knew he meant. Maybe I shouldn’t have had Cheetohs with my lunch…
—spoiler alert—
Unfortunately, this Secret History doesn’t end with Jonah being torn to pieces and devoured in an esoteric Mammonite rite.
It also lacks Jenna/Barbara twincest.
FDR had a secretary named Adolph, and Hitler was married to a brilliant lesbian who ran Germany quite well after his illness left him incapacitated.
Coincidence?
Big bone is right next to Rabbit Hash if you know Boone county
let’s see if this works better in this thread..
Glenn Greenwald finds the next SN! Boston social event.
(3) The College Republicans at the University of Massachusetts are hosting an event called “All I am Saying is Give War a Chance.” It is devoted to the “costs, necessities, consequences, and benefits of war.” The speaker is grizzled warrior Jonah Goldberg. Is there anything more outright ludicrous than a bunch of combat-avoiding, prime-fighting-age College Republicans and Jonah Goldberg sitting around in Amherst chatting with each other about the Glories and “benefits of war”?
I’m thinking the full Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo treatment, fake beards soaked in ether, mescaline, pineal glands.
..this time our very presence would be an outrage. We would be attending the conference under false pretenses and dealing, from the start, with a crowd that was convened for the stated purpose of putting people like us in jail. We were the Menace—not in disguise, but stone-obvious drug abusers, with a flagrantly cranked-up act that we intended to push all the way to the limit….not to provoke any final, sociological point, and not even a concious mockery*: It was mainly a matter of life-style, a sense of obligation and even duty…
Not to rain on your parade, but those publications respectively keep David Broder and Megan McArdle on staff. You might not want to expect a damning indictment.
What’s with all the crap conservative books in that review link? just on a cursory glance… Mike Adams, Thomas Sowell… and ofc Jonah. Jeez.
“I will still believe it when I see it summarised, chapter by chapter, by the entire SN! “staff”.
Yes, and faster please.
Not to rain on your parade, but those publications respectively keep David Broder and Megan McArdle on staff.
Parade, however, employs Marilyn Vos Savant, teh smartest womens in the woooooorrrrlllld!!!elvenly
Today is the first time I have ever thought anything positive about a Bush.
Thank you, agum.
mmm… i made you a link but you ated it.
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/marilyn_vos_savant.html
and cuz i’m a bitch:
http://www.wiskit.com/marilyn.html
Can’t think of a way to link this to Jonah, but reading this sentence “He added that his first scientific experiment — constructing a telephone out of a dried pig’s bladder and wood — was a failure.” cheered me up.
“Hitler was married to a brilliant lesbian who ran Germany quite well ”
ZOMG; the Clenis Dynasty appears !!!!
But he sold the rights to Frito-Lay. And that, my friends, was the origin of the Cheeto.
Yeah, the Times and Atlantic reviews will probably be crap, but there will likely be some rigor applied. I really don’t know where to read high quality book reviews these days.
My first scientific experiment involved three cats, a water-melon and a stiff wire brush. It was a failure too. Cn i haz mai Nobble Pries now? kthnxbai
What Jonah Goldberg needs is a darned good caning.
Me, me! I wanna do it! Can I? Huh? Can I?
Corey–
“He probably last saw the galley copies–basically giant sheets of paper that included how the book will appear as published, but with a massive border around it so he could mark it up if there was something he didn’t like.”
Actually he probably last saw “bound galleys,” which are rough paperback versions the size and etc. of the final book, sent out to reviewers and buyers. They’re galleys cut and bound into a simulation of the book. They’re very precious when they arrive–you get four or five–and you think you’ll love them always. And then the real, published books come, with their slick dust jackets and better paper and better photo reproduction and etc., and you forget all about those bound galleys. You bastard.
Bound galleys are great because people sell them online months before the book comes out, so you get to read your faves well in advance of lesser fanboys. Of course, then you buy an official copy later so the author sees some bread out of the deal.
In Jonah’s case, his book should be out just in time for Christmas throwing-away.
“…his book should be out just in time for Christmas throwing-away.”
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, man. Chestnuts over open flame.
Actually, I have a friend who could get a galley copy, no problem, assuming they’re being distributed normally and not simply to friendlies.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
In Jonah’s case, his book should be out just in time for Christmas throwing-away.
According to amazon.com it has a January 8 release date — maybe they’re hoping for the Barnes and Noble gift card crowd? Oh and it’s marked down 25% too.
Look, next, for:1. Uniformly admiring reviews by D’Souza, Ponnoru, etc.
I’d love to know what these guys say about Jonah behind his back. In the time he’s taken to produce this one masterpiece all his NRO buddies have had 3 books written, published by Regnery, bought up in bulk by Regnery, flatteringly reviewed by their cronies and dumped in remainder bins. Do they try not to snigger when he proudly announces that he’s written a book too or do they just laugh in his face?
To hell with Jonah and his whale, I’m looking forward to this gem:
http://www.amazon.com/Irrational-Atheist-Dissecting-Trinity-Hitchens/dp/1933771364/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196983233&sr=8-1
“The Irrational Atheist: Dissecting the Unholy Trinity of Dawkins, Harris, and Hitchens”
by Vox Day
Although spoken English doesn’t obey the rules of written language, a person who doesn’t know the rules thoroughly is at a great disadvantage.
Marilyn vos Savant
Yikes! That is one of the stupidest quote pages I have ever seen in my life. That woman is in MENSA?! Yegads, what a fuckwit.
I had no idea Darryl Dawkins (Aka Chocolate Thunder) was part of the Unholy Trinity.
pedestrian – Tony Rudy(worked for Abramoff and DeLay, in jail now) was at UMA during my time there he and some associates founded The Minuteman.
He, Safavian, and I am sure others, constitute a funky segment of the wingnut taxonomy.
Those Young Republicans sure get around. And it sounds like the UMA chapter hasn’t changed much.
Well, wise up!
Benito Mussolini grew up in Pismo Beach, just six blocks from the giant clam statue. He co-founded the SDS with far-left American activists Otto von Bismarck, Sun Myung Moon, Marie Antoinette, and Francisco Franco. Jonah’s got it all documented.
Sweet. Thanks for the link.
Soooo….does Fatboy’s book come with crayons, or am I supposed to buy my own?
My publishur leaved the buks on the porch and ringed the door bel,they was on fier! And I steped on them to maek the fier go out, but I getted poop on my shoos! Stoopid publishur!
Well, that would earn an F in any introductory history class at college. It’s a blurb, admittedly, but I hope it was written by a computer, rather than just someone with no sense of shame.
Nimrod Gently said,
December 6, 2007 at 21:56
I will still believe it when I see it summarised, chapter by chapter, by the entire SN! “staff”.
That’s cruel, man.
That is one of the stupidest quote pages I have ever seen in my life. That woman is in MENSA?! Yegads, what a fuckwit.
Isn’t Debbie Schlussel in MENSA, too? (or so she claims.) I guess the entrance exam can’t be that tough.
…other left-wing organs…
Spleens have a liberal bias.
Brad, he finished it back in 2004, and has even toured with it!
What actor212 said. Bad analogy– Wilson did finish “Smile,” and it was great. I somehow doubt Jonah’s opus will come up to that standard.
And contrary to what most people think, Communist East Germans were ardent Democrats (hence the term “German Democratic Republic”).
Democrats are teh evil! They are teh Communist!
And contrary to what most people think, the Red Chinese were ardent people (hence the term, People’s Republic of China).
People are teh evil! EBIL I TELLS YA!
“By Jonah Goldberg”
vs.
“By Vox Day”
Wow, an idiot upstaged by an asshole. It’s like the Bush-Cheney administration reinterpreted as a Punch & Judy Show put on by the cast of “Marat/Sade” after a week-long Night Train and fly agaric bender.
Only stupider and not as entertaining.
Don’t forget North Korea, the country so nice they named it twice. The good ‘ol DPRK is not merely a people’s republic, but a full-fedged gen-u-wine o-fficial democratic people’s republic. I guess that puts them somewhere on the political spectrum between Hillary and Obama.
So how does everybody think this is going to compare to Mark Noonan’s book?
Just out of curiosity, is this going to be the first time the whole “Hitler was a leftist!” spiel appears in a “serious” book (“serious,” of course, being a relative term in this instance)? I know it’s a go-to argument for wingnuts and that they accept it as Undeniable Truth, but has it actually made it into a book yet?
beware the cheetocalypse
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