Day By Day Remix Contest
Posted on December 3rd, 2007 by Gavin M.
We have entered Week Three of The Day By Day Breastfeeding Singularity. Today’s original strip is here.
Clearly it needed improving, but after two panels (see below) it seemed as though the story had arced to a place of natural fulfillment.
…Or had it? What could the third panel be?
Update: The only thing is that the new dialogue has to fit in the bubble, like this one by OTB:
Or this one by Candy:
It doesn’t have to be that concise, but believe me, once you start constructing new idiosyncratic Chris Muir speech bubbles (the weird, awkward curves must be just so), the charm of the work starts to clatter straight downhill.
“It’s okay, he’s an alcoholic.”
“I really shouldn’t leave the Play-Doh and bacon out.”
Him: I gotta say, our girls are cute.
Her: Sigh. Before we know it, they’ll grow up, meet boys..
Him: Uh…
Her: What?
Him: I wasn’t talking about the babies.
“Anyone know a good attorney?”
“With a wanker and two suckers in the family we’re almost ready to set up our own right-wing blog.”
“With a wanker and two suckers in the family we’re almost ready to set up our own right-wing blog.”
Early in the game yet, but SamFromUtah is gonna be hard to beat.
“Do you have to run off and watch the TV every time Commander Codpiece makes a speech?”
“At least while they’re sucking, I don’t have to”
thup, thup, thup, thup, fap, thup, thup, thup
“I wish Jeff Goldstein would stop doing that.”
Must agree.
Maybe Saul or Kevin or Gary, with their copious experience at both wanking and sucking, can come up with something competitive.
“Maybe I should warn him that the breast pump isn’t for him”
“Wait ’til he finds out they’re not ‘our.'”
“Once he does that into the towels, they’re never soft again.”
“There he goes, off to the stalls again”
“Maybe the Second Amendment isn’t such a good idea”
“I really wish that that plant would stop staring at us”
“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to let him sign them up with Baby Models USA.”
[Sigh] Why did I marry a “Dutch Oven” addict?
“OMG THEY HAVEN’T MOVED IN THREE DAYS!!!”
(it breaks the narrative flow, but someone had to point it out. by next week’s cartoons they’re going to way 40 pounds and slosh.)
Him: I gotta say, our girls are cute.
Her: Sigh. Before we know it, they’ll grow up, meet boys..
Him: Uh…
Her: What the fuck?
Her: I gotta get that tatoo of K-Lo’s face wire brushed from his palm.
“When you’re done crying can you clean that up? The court-appointed social worker isn’t buying the ‘spit-up’ story anymore.”
‘Burma Shave!”
“Could you please stop wanking in front of the girls, you asshole?”
Yessiree, when I was in the hospital with the newborn I was thinking about who she would fuck. That Muir needs help.
“Please let me die”
“Also, abolish the death tax!”
“Sadly, many women find themselves in tragic situations like these. If you are one, please call your state DHS abuse hotline 1-800-BOO-THIM ext. OUT. This has been a public service announcement.”
“Now I know what Hillary feels like”
“At least he’s not a homo.”
‘Burma Shave!”
Kathleen – I LOLed. Woo.
My sweet girls, you’re in for a HELL of a purity ball!
“Oh well. Anything that causes him to leave the dog alone…”
mikey
I CAN HAZ DVORCE NOW?
Moran was right. Clif IS a pedophile!
(What? Too much inside baseball?)
“I wonder if Dr. Rosenwhatever will dig up this little nugget in 22 years.”
“coming, and going, and going, and coming…. and always too soon.”
“I should have married Rush Limbaugh”
What Psychic Fern in the window?
With any luck, they’ll turn out gay.
Third panel: Here’s a nice big softball for ya, S,N!
Yeah, well if you had done that more often, I wouldn’t be in this ‘permanent gas pump’ position.
“Yeah, but he’s MY pervert.”
Ever get the feeling that you know EXACTLY how Lorena Bobbitt felt?
No it’s not the healthiest lullaby, but for fuck’s sake I haven’t slept in a week.
“he’s not bad, he’s just drawn that way!”
…oh God I found the actual punchline quite funny. Am I going to die?
The stain’s getting bigger.
“He’s a poet-warrior in the classic sense.”
…oh God I found the actual punchline quite funny. Am I going to die?
I don’t think so. If the original there had been the only Day By Day strip I’d ever seen, I’d have a much higher opinion of the comic.
“It’s Baptism time!”
Sorry. Like Pilgrim at S,N!, he apparently goes for quantity, not quality.
I wonder if I can get a permanent guest position on the Dysfunctional Family Circus?
“He just inflated a third breast”
“Mission Accomplished!”
If I had a hand free, I’d geld him with my fingernails.
Preemptive abortion.
“This is all Bill Clinton’s fault.”
“I’m pretty!”
“Mallard Fillmore! Take me away!”
Felafel again? Hospital food….
“Shoulda nipped that bud nine months ago.”
“Bring me scissors!”
The fact is, pre-emptive abortion is nothing like pre-emptive war. The baby is a human being from conception. Those who hate us and threaten us have no excuse and should be killed if we can by any means necessary. God has said this is OK in the Bible.
“I like pie!”
Breastfeeding twins is not as easy as it looks in the comic either. If one kid loses it’s grip, you don’t have a free hand to move them back into position. Trust me, it’s difficult.
But I have to admit I copied that from Gary.
If one kid loses it’s grip
What, another Republican voter?
Oddly, Gary is right. According to the Bible:
Pre-emptive abortion: bad.
Preemptive war (and genocide!) is good.
So what are ya wankin around here for Gary? Go kill some Ay-rabs!
Gary Ruppert said,
December 4, 2007 at 0:22
Excellent Fake Gary!!
“The fact is … I married a Repug asshole.”
“Window palm is watching you masturbate.”
Him: I gotta say, our girls are cute.
Her: Sigh. Before we know it, they’ll grow up, meet boys..
Her: You know what to do.
Her: It’s pretty much the only way I can get him to “go downtown”.
“Its okay, he’s republican.”
“The women’s shelter will call back any minute.”
Why is he wacking off to a Bruce Tinsley Police photo?
Third panel: “Hospital gowns, open at the back.”
“I can forgive anything in a Republican with a narrow stance.”
“Window palm is watching you masturbate.”
Oh, a window palm. I was seeing the silhouette as a gaggle of curious flamingos. Or whatever the collective term might be.
“Vitter keeps stealing the diaper genie.”
Obscure, I know…..
“This isn’t bad. He showed up for the delivery with two dildos and a wetsuit.”
“…meet boys, have unsafe abortions, host dogfights…”
(As you can see, I’m going with the DbD “discontinuity of thought” paradigm. The second panel, although of critical importance to parody, has no bearing on meaning, and may even obscure any possibility of meaning; so with that out of the way, our new mother, with knees still raised, can continue divining.)
“thup, thup, thup, thup, fap, thup, thup, thup”
“I swapped his lube with battery acid.
Was that wrong?”
Eh. This one’s easily better than my first:
“I farted.”
“…thinking about High School aged football players has always had that effect on him”
“Oh my God, I married my father.”
“It’s funny because it’s true.”
“He’s hoping for incestuous lesbians.”
The Kleenex, dear. Not the drapes.
“All infants look like Winston Churchill.”
“Big Tent Party”
“Techno Viking’s on the TV.”
“Better here than the men’s room and be out twenty bucks.”
“I’m wearing his favorite lipstick.”
Here she is in labor, for anyone who might be interested.
It’s only OK so long as he cleans up after himself.
“I hate it when he uses his teleporting powers.”
“Baby batter.”
“I wish I was dead.”
“Wasn’t 9/11 awful?”
What’s the deal with the chick’s hair? Looks like someone hit the taco bell then snapped a grogan on her head.
“”Someone bring me a cup.”
I believe that it is just called a “stand”
However, these people think that it is also called a “flamboyance” and I am inclined to believe them, especially considering these two.
That collectives website suggests “a confusion [or gang] of weasels”. The compilers probably have BDS.
Panel 3:
“Fer Chrissakes, Muir, can I PLEEASE put my tits away?!”
I kinda hope that someday they posthumously release all of Muir’s unpublished drawings. You know, like Lewis Carroll’s uncensored Alice sketches.
I’ll bet he’d give the old pedophile a run for his money in the perversion dept.
“It’s okay.
He’s not the father.”
“It’s better to live than to perceive.”
“More drugs, please.”
I vote for Grace Nearing’s (at 4:49).
Who knew they made a Baby Polanski video?
You know, I can’t help but thinking the strip should run as follows:
Panel 1:
Him: I gotta say, our girls are cute.
Her: Sigh. Before we know it, they’ll grow up, meet boys..
Panel 2:
Her: Stop gnawing on my @$!^&* nipples like rabid sharpeis.
Panel 3:
Her: He really likes sharpeis.
“He’s not having sex with them, he’s having sex at them.”
My recaptions of yesterday’s and today’s.
After following the link to Pandagon, I have reached a startling conclusion that I must share with you all:
Despite the efforts of the finest snark masters in the Interverse, this comic strip is not now, has never been, and will not ever be funny.
It sucks harder than the booby leeches that have latched onto that woman. It’s like it has some Teflon coating that repels humor. No, it emits a haze of anti-funny that annihilates any funny that comes with in the 50 kilometer kill zone. In fact, it is inaccurate to call it a “comic strip” because the word “comic” does not belong within 50 yards of this twee piece of dreck.
Sorry, I just thought you should know.
“Quit looking at me like that! You might think you’d never seen a pair of TITS!”
the poop holds the tent wher it is.
“Mom warned me not to marry a lefty.”
While not strictly adhering to the rules, in that I did my shitty MS Paint job before knowing this post existed, here’s the whole scene re-imagined as a Paul Verhoeven movie (click on ‘all sizes’ to enlarge).
“He does that when he’s nervous.”
or
“Shooting seeds is a pastime activity.” [Apologies to System of a Down]
Panel 3: “He’s not the real father.”
Arrgh! Grace Nearing beat me to it:
December 4, 2007 at 4:49
“It’s okay.
He’s not the father.”
Arrgh! Grace Nearing beat me to it:
Yes, but it was worth seeing again.
When do we see the winner? Grace Nearing has my vote.
Runner-up, SenderC’s “He’s a poet-warrior in the classic sense.”
Personally, I enjoy the fact that the original caption has this guy contemplating a future where he must murder countless boy children; happy, happy, joy, joy. I am beside myself at the lightheartedness of such a punchline.
Funny how the solution to every wingnut-perceived problem involves killing, and lots of it.
the original caption has this guy contemplating a future where he must murder countless boy children
Be fair; he is merely following a biblical precedent.
[…] I’m hella-busy doing other projects tonight (and must soon rejoin the Day By Day remix contest), I have time right now to post the words to the Andy Griffith Show theme, which goes like […]
Hmmmm.
“I know babies don’t breastfeed 24 hours a day, but how else am I gonna keep him off me?”
Not concise enough.
“This give post-partum depression a totally new meaning”
One more:
“Thank god we hired a doula”
“We’re hoping to get picked up by Heavy Metal.”
1) He’s thinking about his guns again.
2) He’s thinking about killing teenage boys again.
2a) Keep the original comic but add the Fwap noises. Makes for a more subtle version of (2).
“I knew I shouldn’t have married a ‘nice guy'”
The profit motive: “These are actually Cabbage Patch dolls, I sold the girls to white slavers. Tee hee!”
The purity motive: “At least I won’t have to lie back and think of Jesus for a while.”
True Republican motive: “Wow, having two girls suck my boobs is HOT! I’d better get a law passed against it!”
What Tinsley would write: “Now I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick!”
[…] So which entries won the Day By Day Remix Contest? […]
Today’s DBD strip is just plain, bug-fuck mind-rapery. “Wipeout.”
And my caption: “As long as we can maintain a 2-1 ratio of suckers to wankers, there will always be a rightist blogosphere.”
SenderC first (“He’s a poet-warrior in the classic sense”), Grace Nearing a very close second.
“We’re naming them ‘Prush’ & ‘Blue.'”