W Thomas Smith Jr
ABOVE: W. Thomas Smith Jr.

Over at America’s Shittiest Website™ (a/k/a National Review Online), they’ve discovered their very own Scott Beauchamp in their midst. It seems that W. Thomas Smith Jr. was making stuff up about Lebanon and putting it in his blog posts at NRO. Now he has been forced to admit it.

Specifically, Smith said he’d seen 200 heavily armed men in a Hezbollah tent camp in Lebanon near the Lebanese Parliament. In fact, he saw two guys with AK-47s. Additionally, he said that 4,000-5,000 Hezbollah gunmen had deployed in the Christian areas of Beirut without response from the government or army. Again, he only saw a few guys he assumed were Hezbollah at several intersections. And they didn’t have guns; they had radios. Worse yet, not one other news source in Beirut reported such a massive deployment of “gunmen”:

In retrospect, however, this is a case where I should have caveated the reporting by saying that I only witnessed a fraction of what happened (from a moving car) … .

So, of course, we should expect an orgy of outrage from Jonah the Whale, Victoribus Davibus Pluribus Hansen, and all the rest, equivalent to the calumny that they hurled at The New Republic when there were questions raised about the articles in TNR by Scott Beauchamp. Probably not so much — if by “not so much” you mean “not at all.”


ABOVE: Confederate Yankee

Mark Steyn, you might recall, went so far as to say this at NRO:

[I]f that Weekly Standard story is correct, it moves Private Beauchamp into full-blown Stephen Glass territory. In essence, they made the same mistakes all over again – falling for pat cinematic vividness, pseudo-novelistic dialogue, all designed to confirm prejudices so ingrained the editors didn’t even recognize they were being pandered to. But this time they did it in war, which is worse.

Does the Confederate Yankee know about this yet? Isn’t it time for him to start a boycott of NRO advertisers?

<chirp><chirp><chirp><train whistle in the distance><breeze rustling through the trees>

Gavin adds: As of early this afternoon, Mr. Yankee has found this story to be more to his liking:

Another Media Account Disputed

Hala Jaber’s American-backed killer militias strut across Iraq has been challenged by an American soldier on the ground.

1LT Brendan Griswold, 1-5 CAV in Ameriyah writes:

I do not know how long Ms. Hala Jaber’s trip to Ameriya lasted or where exactly she visited inside the city, but the events that she describes in her recent article (“American-backed killer militias strut across Iraq,” November 25), totally contradict the progress I have personally witnessed in the past 13 months here in Ameriya. […]

You have to see the original London Times story to appreciate how vague the rebuttal is (although Lt. Griswold has turned up in the press before, and seems like a straight enough shooter). With accidental trenchancy, Mr. Yankee sums up the situation for his readers:

Which account you find more credible, of course, may depend on your own biases.

Update: Indeed, if our eyes aren’t deceiving us, Mr. Yankee just deleted one of the two comments on the above post. The first comment is here. The second, deleted comment politely linked to this post at Balloon Juice.

Woo, busted!

ABOVE: Confederate Yankee

Clif adds: Sheez, they are still pimping the Beauchamp story over at NRO’s Corner. W. Thomas who?


Comments: 160


Well, the important thing is that unlike the traitor Beauchamp, the doughty, indefatigable, and otherwise Churchill Smith was merely taking poetic license to describe the reality on the ground of the Clash of Civilizations.

Don’t you realize lying about brown people is so much better than telling the truth about white ones?


Come now. They’re Christians, and Christians are forgiven every time they fuck up, unlike us heathens, whose errors are not Washed in the Blood of the Lamb. Therefore, their lies, distortions and untruths are divinely ordained.

Being delusional can work to one’s advantage, with the right PR networks.


Republican standard truth equations for “pat cinematic vividness” and “pseudo-novelistic dialogue”

For Wingnuts- fraction of truth = whole truth

For Liberals – fraction of untruth = total untruth

Smiling Mortician

Yes, yes, if he had just caveated the reporting . . . aka letting everyone see those crossed fingers behind his back.


Caveated? WTF kind of English is(n’t) that?

Any relation to “nauseated”?


The fact is, you are all highly uneducated about how things are gonna be in the coming Islamic Jihad to restore the Caliphate. You are trash. They want to kill you, and if they can’t, they will outbreed you until their descendents demand special status, they are already starting. They are arrogant. They lie. They do so for their false God, Allah, who is actually Satan. We are in end times, the final battle is in some lifetimes now. What side are you on? Liberals who side with the Moo-Slimes will deservedly go straight to hell.


What side are you on?

Oh, oh, I know this one….

Is it, “mine”? I think so.

I’m on my side, you’re on your side, he’s on his side, she’s on her side. I’m not much of a joiner all told.

Gary's Little Brother Timmy

Gary’s grounded again for looking through my sis’ sock drawer again. But here goes:

The fact of the matter is that if we don’t lie about teh enemy over there, we’ll have to lie about them over there, which will only strengthen their resolve, which would only make LIEberals too happy. LIEberals are pleased to know end that the Islaomfascists have forced a good, white, Christian American to like about them. You’ll all look lovely in burkah’s moonbats.


Look, you guys, as usual, just are NOT being fair.

What he was doing was REAL journalism. A journalist can’t see everything. So he observes what he can and he extrapolates to arrive at the truth.

Those guys he saw in south beirut had radios, right? Well, doesn’t it make perfect sense that they were going to talk to some OTHER guys with radios? I mean, if they were sort of far away from each other, you couldn’t see all the guys with radios. Hell, if you could see all the guys, they wouldn’t NEED radios.

Now, why would guys with radios need radios to talk to other guys with radios? Why, to report stuff, right? Command and control. So when they report stuff, what do you expect the other guys with radios to do?

That’s right, send a couple brigades of armed, hardened jihadis over to deal with it.

So the assumption that there were 4-5 thousand armed fighters extrapolated from the observed reality of two guys with radios is perfectly reasonable, professional journalism.

But c’mon. There is NO WAY to hit a dog with a Bradley…



But c’mon. There is NO WAY to hit a dog with a Bradley…

I hit two on my way to work this morning.


You liberals are a bunch of anti-American terrorist sympthizers. The reality is you want America to lose in Iraq, you want America to lose the war on terror. Why? Because your hatred for President Bush is so overwhelming you would rather see America lose the war on terror than for Bush to be successful in his efforts. You liberals hate America and everything this Country stands for because it doesn’t fit with your politically correct socialist paradise.


W. Thomas Smith Jr, at NRO:

My detractors’ argument that they had never seen weapons in the camp does not mean there is an absence of weapons.

It’s the Amazing Criswell school of news reporting, as explained in “Plan Nine from Outer Space”… My friend, you have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn’t happen?


We sure do hate that liberty, truth, freedom, justice for all, democracy, equality, and a place where everyone, regardless of color, creed, politics and personal qualities can get by in life with dignity and the expectation of not having to justify their rights to the above.

Oh yes, we just hate that stuff.


Just because NRO exhibits no brainwave activity, does not prove the absence of brainwave activity.

They’re saving it up for when they really need it. Just you moonbats wait, you’ll see!


Saul said,

December 1, 2007 at 20:28

“You liberals are a bunch of anti-American terrorist sympthizers”

And you wingnuts are a bunch of pea-brain missspellerers.


I hit two on my way to work this morning.

Those poor Bradleys.


This tale reminds me of the re-release of ET, in reverse; the radios were turned into guns, rather than the Drew Barrymore-preferred version.

Oh, and all you liberals who think that the law applies equally to the rich and to the poor, or that international law means anything but “it’s OK if the US does it”–you’re all traitors. Collect your checks, your fired.


I just had the privilege of hearing my nephew tell stories about running Iraqi vehicles off the road with his supply truck when he was there in 2003, and laughing over the donkey cart that ran in front of his vehicle and made a fun noise as the donkey splattered and the man driving it flew through the air. He was also describing his current rages and feeling out of control and absent, with his dad confirming that he knows he can’t talk to him or even reach him at those moments for fear he’ll go postal. PTSD anyone? And that was only a 6 month deployment (he managed to muster out before the stop losses started).

The most interesting part of this family gathering was hearing my brother in law, a guy who’d rather eat dog shit than admit being wrong, make the following comment after discussing a recently departed friend who was a WWII vet: “at least that war was worth fighting”. My brother in law and sister have been rabid Dubya fans from day 1, a bit scared when the son volunteered (he did so to avoid the fate of his other siblings: being sent to Bob Jones U.), happy he came back whole, now seeing that he is anything but whole mentally, but they still loves them some Dubya, 28 percenters all the way, no matter that the moron in chief’s policy have mindfucked their son. God and country dontcha know.


Nice delusion, Saul. I believe they have anti-psychotic medications that can reduce the occurrance of both auditory and visual hallucinations.

A threatening piece of metal

The reality is you want America to lose in Iraq

If by ‘lose’ you mean no permanent American bases or military presence in Iraq, then yes, I want America to ‘lose’.

It’s Anti-imperialism 101.

A threatening piece of metal

When did the first, ‘real’ Gary Ruppert first show upp in the comments? I would like to read his first posting. Some time in 2006?


I am right in everything I said. Why is it you liberals still don’t understand the nature of the threat we are up against? It only took hijacked airliners crashing into the Trade Towers and the Pentagon and 3000 innocent American men,women and children dead before the majority of this Great Nation woke up but you commies still would rather say “give peace a chance”. Thats not the way the real world works, you can’t hide your head in the sand like an ostirich and expect the threat to go away. The Islamo-facsists have declared war on America and Western Civilization and have proven it with their barbaric attacks all around the world. Whats it going to take a nuclear attack on one of our major cities for you liberals to get behind the war effort?


Damnit, Doc Amazing got there before me. There was an excellent South Park episode on this same phenomenon, before those boys lost it.


Wingnuts are always seething about the “drive by media” and this douchebag ACTUALLY drives by and all you’ll get is silence, “libs hate America” (thanks Saul) and unsold Islamofascist Awareness Week T-shirts unloaded from the trunk of Horowitz’s car.



Bob, any of the phenothiazines or butyrophenones would be a good choice, but the atypical antipsychotics (dibenzodiazepines or benzisoxazoles) have less risk of side effects according to my pharmacology classes. A good psychiatrist could make the proper choice for our boy; I recommend he seek one out now before his wall sockets start to talk to him and tell him to do something crazy like vote Democratic.


Saul, I think you are right. We should all go cower in our basements like Fudgehammer, or await the pizza delivery man with guns cocked, like Gary Ruppert.

You’re letting your vigilance against Islamofascists slip by being distracted reading comedy blogs. I suggest you stop slacking off here at Sadly, No, and get back over to Hot Air or Fudgie’s site and prepare for the coming Apocalypse by photoshopping crescents on top of the Eiffel Tower.

You’re letting your side down by coming here, Saul. That’s treasonous.


The truly patriotic Americans are ready for when the islamo-facsists invade and try to make America part of the Caliphate. I have my Bushmaster AR-15 Carbine prepared for such an occasion and so do the majority of patriotic Americans especially in the Heartland. If the terrorists ever try to take America they will be met with iron and with blood.


And the Lord sayeth, feedeth not the troll, lest he be encouraged and covereth the thread with foul dipshititude. Treateth him as thou would treateth a fresh dog turd, and kick not at him, but instead walketh away from his stink.


Gary & Saul, honestly. See my comment just posted in the next thread down. This right-wing assumption that anyone more to the left cannot see the religious extremism within Islam is just absurd. Furthermore, you guys and your pals are so fond of the idea that we all need to stand together as Westerners and all of that that these exercises in further derailing any civil discourse and making sure that people stay in opposition to one another are pretty much you tards shooting yourselves in the foot.

Honestly. Liberals are so famous for loving those who promote theocracy, gee, yeah, that’s what it is.

g–no! On Baron Bodissey’s head! I started a contest at my blog on photoshop fun with “The Baron” today. Actually, I’m completely sick of Gates of Vienna at this point. I just loved his photoshopped menacing crescents enough to want someone to put one on his head.


Verily, Snorghagen speaks truthily. Abideth by his teachings, that all may receive the gift of air not fouled by troll spewings.


Well, Governor Tyree, I am grateful for that calendar, as it brought to my attention the alarming fact that there are Muslims in India.


“I should have caveated the reporting…”

This is a great sentence containing a brand new verb !

Dammit, I’m a reporter Jim, not a grammarian !


g–well, you best call me Captain…..lol. I know, shocking calendar.

But this is much funnier, and totally OT:


You can “elf yourself”!

muzzie humping liberal

I say that conservatives should be forced to accept islam within the context of a secular state. They must agree to stop supporting the abuse and murder of innoncent muslims here and abroad or face immediate deportation. Targeting the members of a particular religion is un-American, and an insult to everything that our founders faught for.

If all conservatives aren’t racists and murderers, why don’t we see more so-called “moderate” conservatives struggling against the extremists and standing up for the rights of muslims?



Come on now. You are forgetting your basic Wingnut Lexicon:
Lie, noun: Any statement by a Liebrul*, regradless of veracity, which might be embarrassing to a conservative**.

By definition these statements cannot be lies, but represent ultimate truthiness.

* A mythical creature which exists only in the fevered brains of wingnuts. Has never been seen by any sane human.
** This, of course, presumes they are capable of embarrassment, shame, or any similar emotion, a fact not in evidence.


“I should have caveated the reporting…”

I have to admit when I first read that, I thought it said “cavitated” which term I have only heard used in relation to aquarium or swimming pool pumps.


I believe it is in Stupidicus 3:12-16:

And I sayeth unto bloggers
Eateth not of the pie of trolls
For it is a false pie
Delicious though it may appear at first appearance
Verily, it shall taste as the monkeys ass

And there is the literal word of, well, something…



In retrospect, however, this is a case where I should have caveated the reporting by saying that I only witnessed a fraction of what happened (from a moving car) … .

Yep, the car was moving in tight circles over and over and he got dizzy and pretty soon two guys looked like 200.

In related news, I saw Trent Lott and W. Thomas Smith, Jr shagging a goat last weekend but I should caveat my remarks by saying they were in a moving car so it might have been a sheep or a small cow.


See I thought “cavitating” had to do w/ dildos and wetsuits. It’s all Beauchamp’s fault.


Silly rabbi, kids are for tricks!


…the alarming fact that there are Muslims in India.

It’s horrifying! They’ve been lurking there for centuries, hiding out in their carefully concealed secret lairs.


OH MY GOD. There are swarms of uniformed men in my neighborhood coming up to every door and placing something by the front door! They could contain anthrax! explosives! More samples of Mikey’s photograghic art! They’re everywhere and it seems to be (gasp) an orgainized invasion! There seems to be no movement to stop them what-so-ever! PLEASE, SOMEONE, (sob) SEND HELP TO STOP THIS INVADING HOARD!!!

Oh wait….
mail’s here.


pedestrian said,
December 1, 2007 at 20:20

But c’mon. There is NO WAY to hit a dog with a Bradley…

I hit two on my way to work this morning.

With what? A stick? You are on foot, after all, right?



I have just observed a terrorist army which is flooding into downtown Atlanta, Georgia, by the thousands, perhaps tens of thousands. It appears they are heavily armed and are well equipped for a permanent occupation. Our worst fears have been realized.

May God help us all.
Correction: Upon observing the traffic patterns of Interstates 85 and 75 this morning, I observed thousands of vehicles, and made the hasty and at the time completely justified (in my view) judgment call that the vehicles were full of armed terrorists on their way to a violent invasion and occupation. I have since been informed that there are always vehicles traveling on these interstates, many of them filled with perfectly non-terrorist individuals, groups, and families traveling between homes and places of ‘work’ or ‘shopping’ or worship, and I never saw actual “arms” as such but since I was not able to peer into the interiors of all these vehicles I made the logical assumption that arms caches were present.

I stand by my earlier report, albeit amended as such. Thank you.

Media Bias Detecter

CNN’s YouTube Republican presidential debate will go down in history as one of America’s biggest media scandals alongside Dan Rather’s fake documents and Will Duranty’s Pultizer Prize-winning pro-Stalin proganda for The New York Times. The cries of “foul” from conservatives and Republicans will soon be drowned out by the wails from those who rightfully lose their jobs at CNN for the supposed objective forum that was rife with Democratic activists posing “gotcha” questions.

So far, bloggers have unmasked no less that NINE “undecided voters” who have obvious and announced ties to Democratic presidential candidates or pro-Democrat special interest groups. It is lakely that more fraud will be discovered soon.

At this point, an investigation of the screening and selection process needs to be conducted. The network officials responsible for organizing the debate should be identified and held accountable.

I’m calling on CNN President Jonathan Klein to immediately intiate such an investigation. In the past, Klein has had much to say about press integrity and should step up to the plate now that an enormous fraud has been perpetrated on his watch.


“supposed objective forum that was rife with Democratic activists posing “gotcha” questions.”

So you’re suggesting that the candidates didn’t respond with alacrity to such questions ?” Twas a rough night.


And the Lord sayeth, feedeth not the troll, lest he be encouraged and covereth the thread with foul dipshititude. Treateth him as thou would treateth a fresh dog turd, and kick not at him, but instead walketh away from his stink.


Testify, brother!


Cause God knows, we have to protect our presidential candidates from being confronted with questions they don’t have a prepared answer for.


I think I just saw 2 republican scandals become obscured by Clenis.

How the fuck can that still be happening?


I’m on my side, you’re on your side, he’s on his side, she’s on her side. I’m not much of a joiner all told.

Ti-i-i-ime is on my side. Yes it is.


Welcome, Media Bias Detecter (sic)!

We need a completely deadpan parodist of right-wing troll denunciations/complete asshole.

Smiling Mortician

How the fuck can that still be happening?

I’m pretty sure it’s the liberal-biased media at work. I mean, they’re so biased that they do things like let non-Republicans ask questions and then apologize for it and cover a series of repeatedly disproven rumors about a non-Republican candidate while fanning the flames of what could be an attempt by another non-Republican candidate to garner attention by planting a hostage-taker in her own storefront HQ and retroactively creating a history of psychological problems and . . .

Ow! Shit! Sprained a lobe.


OMG! There’s a wild furry beast latched on to my head!


Wha? Oh. Guess I need a hair cut.


For it is a false pie
Delicious though it may appear at first appearance
Verily, it shall taste as the monkeys ass

‘Tis an imposture, my dear, said the master of the inn — ’tis a false pie. —
‘Tis a true pie, said his wife. —
‘Tis made of fir-tree, said he, — I smell the turpentine. —
There’s a pimple on it, said she.
‘Tis a dead pie, replied the inn-keeper.
‘Tis a live pie, and if I am alive myself, said the inn-keeper’s wife, I will touch it.
I have made a vow to saint Nicolas this day, said the stranger, that my pie shall not be touched till — Here the stranger, suspending his voice, looked up —
Till when ? said she hastily.
It never shall be touched, said he.



I am here to report flakes of a white substance ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY!


ISLAMOFASIST FORCES have assembled a MASSIVE airforce, turning the sky into a low grey overcast and reduce the air temp BELOW FREEZING!!!!11!!!



I’m going to have thousands of mapquest copies of the way to your house so teh islamos’ know the way when they invade. You don’t have to thank me, its what socialist America haters do.


And could everyone PLEASE stop responding to Saul and Gary? I’m pretty sure they don’t even believe this stuff and are just trying to provoke a reaction. They aren’t worth mocking. I think “Media Bias Detecter” is real though.

“objective forum that was rife with Democratic activists posing “gotcha” questions.”

So basically, some people asked the Repugs unscripted, uncomfortable questions, and your candidates bombed hard. Boo Hoo.


Benedicity ! —- What a pie ! ’tis as long, said the trumpeter’s wife, as a trumpet.
And of the same mettle, said the trumpeter, as you hear by its sneezing.
— ‘Tis as soft as a flute, said she.
— ‘Tis brass, said the trumpeter.
— ‘Tis a pudding’s end — said his wife.
I tell thee again, said the trumpeter, ’tis a brazen pie.
I’ll know the bottom of it, said the trumpeter’s wife, for I will touch it with my finger before I sleep.

No ! said he, looking up, — I am not such a debtor to the world — slandered and disappointed as I have been —- as to give it that conviction — no ! said he, my pie shall never be touched whilst heaven gives me strength

By saint Radagunda, said the inn-keeper’s wife to herself, there is more of it than in any dozen of the largest pies put together in all Strasburg ! is it not, said she, whispering her husband in his ear, is it not a noble pie?


Media Bias “Detecter” has the same IP address as the “Gary Ruppert” who left a comment at 20:06.


“Media Bias “Detecter” has the same IP address as the “Gary Ruppert” who left a comment at 20:06”

Oh, O.K. then. Fuck him.


These are probably the worst pies in London.
I know why nobody cares to take them!
I should know!
I make them!
But good? No…
The worst pies in London…
Even that’s polite! The worst pies in London!
If you doubt it take a bite!…..

Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It’s nothing but crusting!
Here drink this, you’ll need it.
The worst pies in London
And no wonder with the price of meat
what it is
when you get it.
Never thought I’d live to see the day.
Men’d think it was a treat
findin’ poor
what are dyin’ in the street.
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop.
Does a business, but I notice something weird.
Lately, all her neighbors cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her!
What I calls,
Poppin’ pussies into pies!
Wouldn’t do in my shop!
Just the thought of it’s enough to make you sick!
And I’m telling you them pussycats is quick.
No denying times is hard, sir!
Even harder than the worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more-
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it’s molting!
And tastes like…we’ll pity.
A woman alone…with limited wind
And the worst pies in London!
Ah, sir
Times is hard.
Times is hard.


“If the terrorists ever try to take America they will be met with iron and with blood”



Speaking of liberal-biased media, why here’s an editorial by Donald Dumbsfeld.

The Smart Way to Beat Tyrants Like Chávez

Thank Jeebus we have a genius like Donnie to tell us the smart way to beat tyrants. And a liberal-biased paper like the WaPoo to print it.


Guess I’m caught in the spam filter again. 😛

Here’s your liberal-biased media at work.


Clif, I seem to have a comment or two referencing a certain WaPoo editorial (apparently, Fred Hiatt has decided that Donald Rumsfeld is our go-to guy re: the smart way to confront tyrants) caught in the spam filter.

I don’t know if you can do anything about that, but I do want to point out that Fred deserves to be mocked for printing this drivel.


Awww El Cid, that’s not nice, you reminded me of my childhood in Atlanta as I watched the massive invasion of Ted Turner’s success…..I’m still all Skinkified about land developers….LOL.


Hmmmmm, this doesn’t bode well for my new Newsweek column, “4,000-5,000 Heavily-Armed, Wild-Eyed, and War-Hungry Democratic Senators & Congressmen Set Siege to White House in 2002 to Force U.S. Belligerence Toward Iraq Just When Bush Diplomatic Efforts Were About to Win Permanent Peace in the Middle East.”


OMG! There’s a wild furry beast latched on to my head!

The same thing seems to happen to Boris Johnson.


I should have caveated the previous comment by “Karl” to clarify that it wasn’t really from Karl but was rather an allusion to a comment that could or could not be interpreted as Karl-like in its substance – at least as my previously impeccable sources relayed it to me (and I still stand by those sources). I will in the future continue to strongly stand by my reporting which has always been 100% completely accurate in reflecting almost exactly what I am thinking at the moment. Thank you for your continuing faith and trust.

Did I mention I was in a moving car?


Fortunately, the anthrax is not sticking.

As you were.


I don’t see what the problem is.

The guy saw 2 dudes with guns and naturally assumed there were 198 more hiding behind a tree. Makes sense to me. Pretty standard practice really, the old “multiply by 100” rule of reporting.

Little known fact: on 9/11 200 buildings were hit by planes. You heard it here first!


Ruh-roh, the anthrax is starting to stick. The dim sum expedition tomorrow is in peril!


“CNN’s YouTube Republican presidential debate will go down in history as one of America’s biggest media scandals.”

The “scandal” here is that when you hold an open debate where anyone can ask questions Democrats will ask questions. Truly shocking and unexpected.


I see the anthrax! I have pictures! And I was not in a moving car, so there. (Many moving cars seem to be doing so sideways — Seattle has many steep hills.) Don’t try to tell me it’s snow, it never snows in Seattle. Libercommiepinkoislamo-loving Seattle now gets what it deserves, subjugation by radical Islamic biochemical terrorism. HA! The righties were correct all along!

Then again, maybe it’s time to go have an anthrax fight with the Seattle U. kids.



I can report from on the scene, and not in a car, though I was in a car when I originally witnessed it, noting in horror the automobiles driving slower, almost as if they knew the end was nigh, that the Seattle anthrax attack from the skies has spread to Chicago.

I will report as I can. First I have to get out my supplies of weapons, gas masks (I had some ‘specially made for the cats), and cheetos.


“If the terrorists ever try to take America they will be met with iron and with blood”

Actually, that’s rather humane — a laudable concern for terrorists with anemia.


We’re getting lots of sky anthrax in St Paul too. It’s an islamofacist plot to prevent everyone from following W’s brave and wise advice to save the country by going shopping. I was forced to spend the day watching birds at the backyard feeders (there is nothing so red as a cardinal in a field of anthrax). I will make my way out to the vehicle storage bunker to locate my manual anthrax removal device later this evening. Pray I don’t throw my back out perfoming the operation.

Smiling Mortician

OMG there’s like two inches of anthrax on my car, which, I should point out, is not even moving! Innocent children of upstanding patriots are out playing in it!! The anthrax, I mean, not my car!!! Somebody call Chertoff, dammit!




I’ve just returned from a recon mission through the heart of silicon valley, california. I looked carefully for anthrax, but was unable to spot any, either because the bright sunshine was causing me to squint, or perhaps, remote though the possibility seems at this point, there is none.

There is, however, a suspicious glass bottle in my kitchen, suspiciously labeled “Scotch”. I’m going to investigate the substance inside, and should I survive this courageous expedition, will report back…



The anthrax has taken over Seattle and much of the outlying area. It is now several inches deep, and still coming down in huge powder flakes. What horrible laboratory could have produced such quantities in such perfect individual shapes?


I should caveat the above dispatch to note that, as I was in a moving car, my report on the bright sunshine and apparent lack of anthrax in northern california should in no way be considered definitive….



Pffft. Syracuse is the anthrax capital of the world. There’s several inches on the ground already and more coming.

Really. Look at the northeast US radar. There’s a monster storm of the stuff coming.


Anthrax? Not here. But there’s a peculiar, eerie light in the sky. It’s bright! It’s glowing! It seems to be moving – earlier this afternoon it was almost straight overhead, but now it appears to be moving west, and lower in the sky.


I’m feeling okay about this whole thing. I have duct tape.


g, be careful. Wear a hat and sunglasses to disguise yourself if you have to go out there.


I can confirm g’s report: no anthrax here. Doesn’t mean we’re not suffering, though. Air temp was down somewhere in the 60s this morning and I actually thought twice about putting on long pants.



Its like the fucking Donner Party and shit.


There’s a strange sensation – a kind of warmth – if I allow my skin to be exposed to the light being emitted by this thing in the sky.

I think it has a strange effect on animals, too. The geriatric Rottweiler seems to have been mesmerized, lulled by this light in the sky to lie in the rays emitted by this thing without moving – it has completely disabled him!


Anyone ever tried to get a gas mask on a cat?

Even though I plead with them that it’s for their own good, they seem somehow resistant.

Yo, stringonastick, sorry about your nephew. I guess the furry critters don’t count for much when your killing and watching killing of actual humans. In any case, sounds like a true Rockwell family moment. Good luck to the veteran…sounds like he may need a little.

Update: The liberal media is reporting this as “snow,” as IF! Islamofascist flunkies, no doubt reporting to work on camels…


Ah, kinubu, you remind of one of my favorite Onion headlines:

“In retrospect, I guess you could say we resorted to cannibalism too soon.”

The story details the horror of the stuck elevator.

Try not to do anything crazy, or that you would regret later.


[fixed the comment link, btw]

Smiling Mortician

A medal of bravitude for Gavin! Boxes of medals, in fact! Fixing links in the midst of the largest recorded anthrax-n-“scotch” attack ever on the West Coast. I’ve confirmed the anthrax here and am now off to join mikey in investigating the suspicious bottles of liquid. Will report again when able.


There’s no anthrax here (yet, I know its just a matter of time we’re doooomed) but the sky is obscured by a thick white haze of some sort!

Should I get a DEFCON 3 Panic Boner, hide under the bed or skip straight to Bacon Streaked Fruit of the Looms??


am now off to join mikey in investigating the suspicious bottles of liquid.

Sniff. Such bravery. Semper fi!

At least the alcohol will help as an antiseptic.


All we have here is vodka. I guess that will have to do, as we are all anthrax-bound for the evening.


Umm. We seem to have a new problem here in St. Paul. The sky has gone completely dark. I’m starting to worry and I’m starting to think that the only thing that will save me now is pizza.


And I, gas mask secured, must go get more political education by trying to figure out what everyone’s sayin’ yelling over each other on the McGoofy Report.

Comedy gold, I tell you.



Have you tried the priest?


I did, and he was delicious!


As always, my and Wolf Blitzer’s prayers are with you brave boys as you fight valiantly onward through the anthrax storms of the north. Here on the southern border there’s a suddenly coolish wind easing in through my opened windows, so that I feel compelled to go to them and close them a few inches. The cats howl in protest. Suddenly there appears on MY countertop a bottle not unlike mikey’s!, cunningly adorned with an attractive label that says “Riesling,” and its body-warming effects are suspicious indeed. I must investigate this phenomenon further, and check on my Tennessee Vols SEC championship game while I’m at it.



Have you tried the priest?

He was too good, at least. Then again, they don’t come with sins of the flesh. So they’re pretty fresh.


Have you tried the priest?

Ahh, man! Mine came wrapped in this weird black wrapping, so I figured baking and broiling was out.

So I went with a braise, with red wind and root vegetables.

So I’m pretty sure he won’t be done until sometime tomorrow.

But it smells delicious…



Wow. I feel like I just challenged Shabba-Doo to a body rock contest.


Here in WeHo, I dare not open the blinds, as we were recently threatened by a huge ball of Islamic gas in the sky, but the magic weather box indicates there is not, at this moment, any anthrax on the ground @ the Colosseum, where the U. of Spoiled Children leads UCLA 24-7. (That’s the score, not when they lead UCLA.)


Well, as usual, the Vols bit the big one. They SUCK. Oh well. There’s always the GODAMIGHTY “Lady Vols” basketball season coming up!

Pizza’s here.


At least Monica Crowley, Tony Blankley’s replacement on the McGoofy Group was marginalized properly.

What did I learn, you may ask?

Nothing, as usual, since I learned long ago that Mort Zuckerman was a little pro-Israeli.

The big shock of the night came when Eleanor Clift defended Rudy for his “personal” problems, which made me wonder how many men Eleanor had screwed for a story. And not much else.

Also, Pat Buchanan hates immigrants.


I’m looking forward to another #1 going down. Best college football season, ever.

Muck Fissouri and all. Even though I harbor no special grudge.

Now, if only the Dave Wannstedt-led Pitt squad could find a way to beat W. Virginia. I say, “buy the zebras.”


I’m off to gather amongst the disappointed cultists who worship the Bruin totem, but I’m going to a gathering of a subsect that has summoned an African charismatic to lead us in frantic gyrations meant to transport us into a trance of forgetfullness of football defeat.

Going to see Youssou n’ Dour play at UCLA.

Partaking of strange fermented potions and ritual foods prior to the ceremony.



Do NOT make me return to my rant about college football being meaningless and tribal.

As I recall, I suffered no end of insult and abuse behind that stance last year.

And I’m pretty sure, as I didn’t actually ATTEND a college, I don’t “get” it.

But it does seem kind of – nah.

Not gonna go there.

Go Idaho of Wyoming!!



And just when I was starting to like it here!



I have attended college, and will continue to do so in about two months, and I think that college football is meaningless and tribal.

I grew up in central Ohio. Need I say more?


Mittmama Fatty Kathy types:

Bottom line: NRO strives to bring you reliable analysis and reporting — whether in presenting articles, essays, or blog posts. Smith did commendable work in Lebanon earlier this year, as he does from S.C. where he is based, as he has done from Iraq, where he has been twice.


I thank Smith for his good, brave work. He’s a smart, reliable reporter with a great patriotic spirit and sense of service. We owe him and our readers better — we should have gotten you more context and information before a post or two went live. It’s understandable how it happened — the nature of blogging being what it is — but given what an underreported tinderbox we’re talking about, especially, we owed you more. We weren’t blogging about Dancing with the Stars there.

Well then, get a real fucking reporter on the job, & let Smiff take his “great patriotic spirit and sense of service” to the Army, where he can lie to people for the Public Affairs Unit.

We owe him and our readers better
I think he owes you some salary back. You don’t owe him anything. You’ve already given him a forum to exaggerate (lie, lie, lie) in.

…after doing a thorough investigation of some of the points made in some of those posts, I’ve come to the conclusion that NRO should have provided readers with more context and caveats in some posts from Lebanon this fall. And so I apologize to you, our readers.

Context & caveat: Our so-called reporter is a lying sack of shit, biased in favor of any military action by any white Christian gov’t. or mercenaries, who is scared to get out of his car.


Do NOT make me return to my rant about college football being meaningless and tribal.

Huh? Tribal=meaningful.


mikey: Really, what isn’t meaningless (Big Picture-wise) & tribal, anywhere in the realm of human activity, & especially in the Wide World Of Sports?

Yet do people not bet on college football? Putting money down being the only indication of “meaning” in these United Snakes.

Go ‘head & rant, or link to it, I wasn’t here for it last year.


I’m looking forward to my check, support, and understanding from NRO for my courageous reporting during the Great Islamofascist Anthrax Attack on Seattle, 2007. It made the WTO fracas (eight years ago this week! How time flies, faster than the tear-gas canisters the cops shot into my neighborhood, for no apparent reason) look tame by comparision.

Meanwhile, I’m gonna slide down Capitol Hill to a brewpub, and check out this college football thing you un-American hippie islamites keep watching. Anthrax be damned, we Americans must have our entertainment!


Nah, well at least for me, not all that tribal. Just fun.

Played a lot of sports as a yout, and just enjoy the competition and fun.

It IS meaningless, for sure, and tribal for many, but I think most of us just think sports are cool for a lot of decent and non-weird reasons.

Kids, having fun, playing hard, and at the college level in particular quite cleanly and decently. It’s war writ sane and pleasurable.


ROFL….you guys realize that some freak may post this as this new rage in “fantasy fiction” sweeps blogs everywhere. YEEEEEHAW!!


I’ve come to the conclusion that NRO should have provided readers with more context and caveats in some posts from Lebanon this fall.

Clearly Context & Caveats is some complex mathematical theorem where [2 Brown Guys + Radios/Yellowpants Journalist * Moving Car] = 200 Heavily Armed Terrists.

I prefer my own BG Theorem whereby [NRO Staff * Domestic Ungulate = Sexually Violated Goat]


[mikey steps carefully away from the football]

“Pretty sure that thing’s ok. Let’s clear and proceed”.

Blogosphere recognizes mikey’s caution. Goes ahead and enjoys the college football thing. mikey, somewhat marginalized, but ultimately undaunted, goes back to the stereo and iPod, working on the ultimate Sadly playlist.

Blogosphere, in a great growl of diesel smoke and armored horsepower, grinds back into motion.

All is well in Left Blogistan tonight.

“Thanks folks. Please move along. There’s nothing to see here.”…



Oh great, now I know everything that happemed on McLaughlin. Please remember the time zones, Mountain, Central & Eastern elitists. Those of us here in Mellow Land are not in such a hurry to live our lives out as soon as we can. (Except those in Far Northern Mellow Land playing in the anthrax. I miss the anthrax & rain. Never thought I would, but after 30+ yrs., I do.)


The anthrax attack on St Paul has taken a new turn in front of my house. Some wheel spinning patriot with no anthrax driving skills is having problems that even duct tape won’t help. Do I turn off all my lights so it looks like no one is home, or do I put some real clothes on and go assist him in getting his sorry bald-tired butt out of my neighborhood?

Football is perfect entertainment when you don’t feel like talking to your republican family members at get-togethers. Otherwise not so much. There are just too many reasons to dislike the MN Vikings.


or do I put some real clothes on and go assist him in getting his sorry bald-tired butt out of my neighborhood?

My recommendation is to put on a pair of boots, tennis shorts and a fireman’s hat and walk out to the sidewalk and say “Need any help, old boy?”

Remember, the important thing is not to actually help your fellow man, but to get a major laugh that can be shared for weeks…




I’ve already spent two nights in jail for doing that. Sorry but I don’t think so.


gbear said,

December 2, 2007 at 3:57

I’ve already spent two nights in jail for doing that. Sorry but I don’t think so.

Rest assured that we all appreciate your efforts on our behalf.


St Paul vice cops are the pits. Thankfully Mr Bald Tires seems to have spun himself up the street.


I’m sorry MB, but don’t you always know anyway?


“Thanks folks. Please move along. There’s nothing to see here.”

Oh c’mon.

One of my favourite bits in the Manufacturing Consent documentary is when they project Chomsky onto the stadium Gigantotron to talk about what a meaningless distraction sports is. Well, yes Noam, point taken, but masturbating is fairly meaningless too and you ain’t gonna win the war there either.


I’m with mikey with regards to college football.


(Except for the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry. THAT is awesome. And the Old Oaken Bucket game. But other than those two games. Zzzzzz.)

(For the record, I root for the Buckeyes. And I root for IU because it makes my Dad happy when they win.)


I pay no attention at all to college football, but being at a well-attended game is like some kinda crazy cult experience. It’s like partaking of evil without actually doing anything wrong.


For the most part sports is a big ZZZZster for me, too, but I love the bigguns. I love the 4 golf majors, I love the huge rivalry games when both teams are good (football or basketball), I even love Wimbledon and the goddamn US Tennis Open, at least when they get down to the semis.

To me, there’s something fascinating about watching people perform under pressure. And there’s always the cool factor of luck to include in the fun. And individual sports well played are art and a certain amount of the conquering of self, no small task.

I played a lot of competitive tennis, and I still cannot fathom how Roger Federer makes it look so effortless and easy. It’s not, believe me. The mofo never looks like he’s in a hurry. Trust me, he is.

I’ve always said Bill Clinton’s SOU speech about 3 weeks after Monica broke was one of the greatest pressure performances of all time.

Christ, I’m a Cub fan. How seriously could I possibly take it? My fatalism and perspective rules the day, every time. Now that I’m old, especially.


How meaningless and tribal is college football? Down here in the South it’s like a second religion. And high school football is, in turn, like a third religion.


It does seem a little more intense in the South. I have a brother who migrated from the cold Midwest to Alabamy, and the stories he tells me about Auburn-Alabama are downright creepy.

Of course, the South is much more tribal in general, which must at least partially explain why they’re always voting against their own economic interests.

That, or lots of them are stupid. *duck/cover*


J— is correct. The stadium here in K-town, TN, home of the Big Orange, seats 110,000. Talk about scary. I avoid the whole scene as much as possible myself.


And yes, as in every other enclave wherein one finds humans, there are many stupid people in the South.


I like the places where the stadium could fit the entire population of its town/city with seats left over.


Sports remains a subset of telebision, as does most of America, a nation populated mostly by the descendents of people driven out of Europe because the cries of their molested children were disturbing the neighbors, or just because they were so GDF stupid.


Anyone remember the National Lampoon’s recording of the story of European hillbillies pulling up their roots to settle in America?


And speaking of telebision, were there anything good on, I’d not be here typing @ the rest of you.


RB: No, but it sounds good. Right in line w/ my theory.


The hillbillies dream that America is a place where you can put cars up on blocks right there in your front yard.

I’m going through the thousands of songs in my computer that I haven’t yet listened to.


I’m at work, and starting to feel a jealous hate towards you all.


Did I mention that the chaise longue I do my most decadent computing on is covered with only the finest caviar?


There is anthrax outside here too.

Edit: I should have clarified my earlier statement to point out that it’s too fucking cold to open my front door and look around, so I didn’t actually see any anthrax, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.

Where do I pick up my Pulitzer?


You and your chaise lounge and your caviar and your anthrax can all burn! I’m stuck at work at the Daily Wingnut Times.


Well, at least you have a job & income, Mr. X. There’s not really much to do on a Sat. night in the Antelope Valley anyway, is there?


X, If it’s any consolation, I didn’t have pizza for dinner tonight. I just stayed here with the internets and the space heater.



So sorry to hear that you are at work. Rats. The cricket household wishes you as good an evening as that could be.

In the meantime, jcricket’s boy toy and I have been sipping vodka/rocks watching the anthrax slowly fall into drifts on the lawn. We are heading up to bed soon. Hope you get home okay.


Cars up on blocks….Whaddya mean? We grow them suckers in the mountains! I’ve got a nice garden goin’ right now.


I’m drinking liquor and watching “The Bourne something or other”.

People are running around, kicking and shooting each other. I guess this is entertainment…



We weren’t blogging about Dancing with the Stars there.

Is this some kind of subtle dig against Tucker?

Oh. Hi. Back from Youssou N’Dour. I was shocked, shocked to discover that he’s Muslim!

Killer concert, BTW.


Tucker’s Muslim?


People are running around, kicking and shooting each other. I guess this is entertainment…

Or a Republican convention.

Have you tried the priest?

The one on the landing?

I wonder who keeps leaving them there…………………………

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Dark Avenger: that’s a bishop. You can find his diocese because it’s tattooed on the back of their necks.

John O, you need a weeny enviro-sphere, not silly gas masks. That way, you and the cats can climb in and be safe from anthrax, while having a jolly time rolling around in the interior of your very own protective device.

And I thought I had an anthrax attack while in a moving car, but it was a caveated misidentificumation: I’d just shaken my head too vigorously. I should have caveated with extra caveat, with caveat sauce.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

There’s a zombie islamofascifeminaziabortoliberaterrorist at my door wanting help: some silly buggers buried his head in the sand, and now he can’t find it.


No sign of anthrax, but I’m having a few prophylactic doses of Bowmore, just in case.

Spent most of the day opening a new front in the War on $mas, in the form of a non-Advent calendar personalised for our Doctorling Sonja. Essentially it’s Brueghel’s Allegory of Sight, but with the figures of Venus and Cupid replaced by Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox from Bad Santa. Splicing images for hours. One of these days I’ll get up to speed with this this ‘Fotoshoppe’ thing that you young people talk about.


— but given what an underreported tinderbox we’re talking about, especially, we owed you more.


Read some newspapers for a change, you fucking asshole!!

(Expletives added in case Gatewaypundit, that simpering shitfuck, stops by.)


Actually, we’re all Muslim. According to Muslim theology, that is. That’s why in Islam “converts” are called “reverts”. Everyone is Muslim but some are astray and have not reverted back to ‘the true Faith’. So I guess we’re all out to freak everyone out. Of course, only really religious Muslims would bug anyone else about that. Them and recent “reverts”, who are generally as jazzed up about their religion as “born agains”. I generally just stay away from anyone trying to convert me to anything, personally. But no Muslim sects just come to your door like Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses, so that’s fine by me.


Bearded guy at the door: Have you heard the word of Muhammad today?

Me: You mean the teddy bear?


The liberal media will prop up this case to blunt criticism of TNR’s handling of the Beauchamp scandal. They’ll ignore the fundamental difference in how the two magazines have handled their respective situations. They’ll ignore the slander and the cover-up at TNR, and comfort themselves with a blanket of false moral equivalence.

Yep. MM nailed it. No coverup at NRO, so eat it, miserable libtard punks.


Yep. MM nailed it. No coverup at NRO, so eat it, miserable libtard punks.

And the guy who lied remains employed. No wonder that magazine wouldn’t survive in a free market.


Everyone is Muslim but some are astray and have not reverted back to ‘the true Faith’.

Mormons are taking ’em away after they die with posthumous baptisms.



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