You vill be silent! Und you vill not ask qvestions!

And here’s to you, Ms Republican
Jesus loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Ms. Republican
Heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
We’d like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here’s to you, Ms Republican
Jesus loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Ms Republican
Heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It’s a little secret, just Republican affairs
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids

Coo coo ca-choo, Ms Republican
Jesus loves you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Ms Republican
Heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates’ debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Every way you look at it you lose

Where have you gone, Joey Lieberman?
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo woo woo
What’s that you say, Ms Republican?
Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Oh my. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Praised be His Noodly Appendage, I did not see the debate.

I think the gun-guy-jokey-threat thing was pretty daggone funny. Whaddayou think Mr. Neiwert?

Remember, this is the party that wants their voters to take an oath to vote for them. Talk about shades of deh faddaland. So if you think their going to stay quiet when the softballs come in with a lil heat…wrong.

I just love Huckabee’s dodge. “Jesus was way too smart to run for office”. I hope he is selected and then elected ’cause I wanna do my Tom Hanks in “The Money Pit” impression.

Silly Gav! Everybody know that if you are not Republican, you are not American!

So, the non-Republican questioners are not Americans, therefore shouldn’t have been participating in a debate for Americans.

QED, sucker!

Hot Bryan’s over-articulation gave me sharp pains in my brain pan.

Wow, Huckabee’s response to the Bible question was actually pretty great. I mean, the whole Bible and he chooses “love your neighbor” and “whatever you do to the least of these you do to Me”. Not something about salvation, not some doctrine of post-Jesus Paul, but something about love and compassion. It’s refreshingly different from what we’ve been hearing from these guys.

I kinda want to like Huckabee, but I can’t get past how stupid he came off in that Chuck Norris ad.

“whatever you do to the least of these you do to Me”.

There are some right wing freaks who twist that into a threat against outsiders, taking it to mean “whatever you do to any Christian you do to me.” I don’t know how widespread that interpretation is, but the way Huckabee phrased it (“the least of these brethren”) wouldn’t rule it out.

It’s refreshingly different from what we’ve been hearing from these guys.

And the suggestions that Huckabee isn’t really a Christian will begin in 4…3…2…

I tried. I really tried. I made it through the masturbating with guns questions, the brown people are stealing our lunch money questions, and the 239 references (I’m rounding up) to being just like Ronald Reagan, but I had to smash my TV when the bible question was asked.

I kinda want to like Huckabee…

Which illuminates why he was thought early on by the progressive netroots as the guy to beat – he does the “Compassionate Conservative” bullshit dance better than Chimpy ever did, and doesn’t really make you want to punch him in the mouth every time he speaks (snort derisively maybe, but no violent urges). If it worked well enough for Bush to get him close enough to victory to actually game the system without massive street protests, it could probably work for Huck, assuming he had the machine Bush did backing him.

Seems likely he’s just going to play the spoiler for Romney, which really just clears the path for Rudy – who will probably survive the current Hamptons trip scandal thing, but it will dog him until they can find a plausible fall guy…. Bernie Kerik seems well suited to that role.

For a while (until just now) I had confused Huckabee with Bob Riley of Alabama. Riley is another conservative Christian Republican, but he tried to overhaul the state’s tax system… let ReligionLink tell it:

Faced with a $675 million shortfall and a desire to upgrade the state’s education system, Riley declared that as a Christian it was only right to raise taxes for the wealthy so the less fortunate could receive better state services. The move was surprising because Riley is a conservative who fashions himself a Reagan Republican…. Riley said that after much soul searching he had come to the conclusion that a good Christian could not allow Alabama’s tax system, which placed a heftier burden on the poor than on the rich, to continue. In one of the most heavily Christian states in the nation, the proposition was soundly defeated.

My emphasis, and of course it was. When it comes to God or money, we know who wins.

Anyway, I thought Huckabee was the one who had done this. Now I can put away my displaced respect.

Thanks, Johnny. I had them conflated as well, and it was part of why I wanted to like him so much.

I interpret the debate thusly:

MODERATOR: What part of the Bible is your favorite?
RUDY: The parts about the smiting. Definately the smiting. You know, we were ALL smote on 9/11, but no more! Now I WILL DO the smiting! Smite!
MCCAIN: The smiting. And the parts about honoring your elders. I like those parts a lot now.
PAUL: The weird parts that don’t make sense. That’s my favorite. Weirder the better. The parts Ayn Rand wrote are particularly good.
HUCKABEE: Well, I like the words of peace and love from our Lord and Savior.
AUDIENCE: Boooo!
ROMNEY: The parts of the Bible written on the Tablets made of Silver by the Silver Surfer himself are my favorite. What? C’mon, I’m not the only one! The Epistles of Galactus are deeply moving! What! Why are you staring at me, Mayor McSleaze? Is one of your mistresses standing behind me?
RUDY:F**k you, you f**k!

How crazy do you need to be to think that the Cheney News Network² is biased against rethuglicans?

² Ever since Ted Turner sold it.

Note that Preston sports the requisite wingnut face mullet. Note also that he enunciates like a weenie. What is it with people who enunciate like weenies? Are they weenies because they over-enunciate, or do they over-enunciate because they are weenies?

“The parts Ayn Rand wrote are particularly good.”

Lulz

Legalize: They over-enunciate because they’re trying to compensate for being weenies. And having small wienies.

Hey, I noticed that Saul never posts after I do. So here’s some Saul-warding for this thread.

Mini ‘chelle still needs some work on the enunciation though. It should be choppier and with more spite.

WILL YOU suPORT… Annnnd. signnnn. innnn TO LAWwwwww… Congressman tanCREDooos….ammendment…

Has to be more eye flashing, and if possible jaw snapping. Faux-chipper is more douche, and you’re going for turd here.

cleter … LOLlards

[…] swear some questions are more questionable than others. And the more some people focus on the questioners, the less people will pay attention to the […]

Johnny C., thanks for that. I thought that was Huckabee too.

Huckabee’s wiki page shows that he has kissed Grover Norquist’s ring.

These Presidential debates are totally unfair. There should only be one question asked of each and every candidate: are you now, or have you ever been, a Muslim? Also, each candidate should be waterboarded before, during, and after the question has been put to them.

Hey, I noticed that Saul never posts after I do.

Nice try, “Zython”. Or should I say Heath-on???

The right wing stalkers will soon be hunting down all questioners to make sure they had appropriate political thinking in order to considered legitimate questioners of Republican presidential candidates.

I hope none of those youtube questioners have listed phone numbers and addresses, because no doubt Malkin will want to interview their neighbors.

The wingnut whine-o-sphere is in full on frothing panic/incoherent attack mode. Instaputz is another good place to mine for laughs today.

They’re clown car full of Presidential contenders pulls into America’s driveway, implodes and it’s CNN’s fault for airing the hilarity?

Love me some wingnut logic.

Hi, Bryan Preston here from Hotair.com. I have a yes or no question for the candidates. Are the two computers on my desk a pathetic attempt to look like I work for something akin to a news organization and not a site for immigrant haterz and spastic cheerleading aficionados? Remember, it’s a yes or no question. Thanks.

I kinda want to like Huckabee, but I can’t get past how he let out a convicted rapist so he could rape again (because he raped a relative of teh Clenis). Or how he wiped the Arkansas state computers (in violation of state law) so no one could find out what he did while governor. Or how he’s batshit religiously insane.

Other than that, though, we could still live in peace and harmony. As long as there’s several state lines between our residences…

The first time I loaded this page, all the videos were “No Longer Available” and I laughed and thanked everyone for my sanity. On a lark, I hit refresh and they’re back. Damn.

In other news there’s now empirical evidence that Chris Muir has gone completely and utterly around the bend.

He’s now gone from impenetrable non-sequiturs to pretty much just putting random words…

mikey

So basically, the right wing would only have been satisfied with the classic Colbert question: “George W Bush: Great president or grestest President”?

I’ll bet my mother paid very close attention to that Bible question.

I remember her carefully studying the lips of all of the ex-presidents and their wives at Nixon’s funeral, trying to discern which ones were really praying and which ones were only pretending to pray.

Huckabee is the nice one. I know because the media says it over and over again.

(I was a little dubious about that crack he made about fat people and how it’s their fault that the American health care system is messed up, but the media kept saying he was the nice one. So who am I supposed to believe: the media, or my own judgment?)

a site for immigrant haterz and spastic cheerleading aficionados

THAT’S Hotair.com? I thought that was CNN.

Man, Bryan Preston is a smarmy fuck, isn’t he?

Now watch him take that quote totally out of context.

Well, zython, it looks like saul won this round. Oh, why do we even try to best his superior wit and learning?

Johnny Coelacanth,
Ah, Alabama. I live in Georgia and grew up in Mississippi, and I’m convinced Alabama exists to make those two states feel better about themselves. I think it was the guy before Riley, but the state voted in a governor who pledged to start up a lottery because the place is flat broke and shit-tons of money are going to Georgia and Tennessee. Guy gets elected, starts cranking up the lottery drive, and BOOM, the churches come out like goddamn rats to fight off the lottery and the rubes fall right in line. My brother was going to school at the U of Northern Alabama at the time and he said the natives would get violently angry if you asked them why they voted for the lottery guy in the first place. I myself was threatened with an ass stomping from a dude from Vina for pointing out that all the yay-hoos praying to that honkin’ huge 10 Commandments statue Roy Moore snuck in were actually breaking one of the very same commandments.

Alabam also had a state senator sponsor a bill, which eventually got some support, that basically called for the banning of all books either written by homosexuals or concerning homosexual characters/themes. He actually advocated “digging a big hole and burying them all”. And don’t get me started on the roads. It’s like a matter of pride with them.

Dreamland in Tuscaloosa kicks ass, though. People here in Georgia just don’t understand good barbecue.

Fucking Huckabee. Not only is he anti-choice and a religious nutjob, he mandated yearly BMI testing for all public schools in Arkansas. Nobody here was very happy about that.

And yes, he does think fat people are the root of all evil. Even though he used to be one.

“People here in Georgia just don’t understand good barbecue.”

‘Bama is one of the states I’ve never been in nor trekked through, so I haven’t had a chance to sample the local cuisine. Being originally from Texas, I have my own notions of what good barbecue should be, so we probably should not delve too deeply into this topic.

“And yes, he does think fat people are the root of all evil. Even though he used to be one.”

Like the anti-smoking nazi who used to smoke two packs a day. No zealot like a converted zealot.

Huckabee gets black voters, and he is cleverly trying to parlay that with an appeal to the Mickey Kaus & Friends vote…

Even though he used to be one.

More likely because he used to be one. The rule of converts applies.

That old fish, he sure swims fast.

Being originally from Texas, I have my own notions of what good barbecue should be, so we probably should not delve too deeply into this topic.

Oh, hell no. I’m originally from the part of Mississippi that’s really close to Memphis, spiritually and geographically, so I’m spoilt. Texas barbecue is okay if you like burnt meat with admittedly kick-ass sauce, but these people…*shudder*…shredded pork and vinegar, and they go nuts.

“Texas barbecue is okay if you like burnt meat with admittedly kick-ass sauce”

Heh. I guess that about sums it up: smoked brisket, charred on the outside, pink on the inside, with sauce.

I’m even down with a little shredded pork, but vinegar? There is obviously much to ponder here.

Wow, these “conservatives” really are showing the intellectual subtlety and multi-layered, objective thinking forwhich they’re so renowned.

“EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. in THIS. BIBLE. is TRUE.”

“Once again, it’s a yes or no question.”

Seeing as nobody seems to have done the obvious yet, I’d like to ask Hot Bryan whether he still beats his wife, and I won’t accept any vague, airy-fairy, non-yes-or-no answers.

Hot Bryan

I liked his question.

Bryan: I am very stupid. How will you kiss my ass?

Candidate 1: Tentatively.
Candidate 2: Strangely.
Candidate 3: Lovingly, with tongue.

Nice try, “Zython”. Or should I say Heath-on???

So, you’re admitting that you’re not Jewish? Because I sure am.

And really, is that the best you can come up with? Why are the conservative the only one that seem to have a problem with my screenname anyhow?

Because I sure am.

Am Jewish, that is. Just needed to clarify there.

Having lived in both Alabama and Texas, I must concur that Dreamland in Tuscaloosa has the best barbecue on Earth. By Earth, of course, I mean the United States.

Will no one stand up for Arthur Bryant’s…?

Arthur Bryant’s? It’s not the best barbecue on Earth. It’s not even the best barbecue in Kansas City. I used to live in Kansas City, too. Smokestack is better than Arthur Bryant’s. Arthur Bryant’s is better than Gates, though.

Did someone say Texas BBQ?

http://www.hoglywogly.com/

Sorry, but the best ribs are St. Louis ribs. Slow-cooked till the meat falls off the bone. Nothing fancy.

The best way to find out if somebody REALLY believes in the Bible is that Mark 16:17-18 challenge:

16:17-18 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all.

When the Jehovah’s Witless come to my door, I always give them a chance to prove they are true believers by offering them some oven cleaner in accordance with this passage.

When I find out that they are not true believers, I tell them “Get the fuck out of my house, atheist!”

Did anybody pick up on the way the Bible-question guy was showing the spine of the Bible and really emphasizing a certain version of the Good Book?

King James, baby.

There is a movement among the fundamentalists, the King James Only folks. They are a whacko subset of the fundamentalist whackos.

And, boy, they are whackos.

They love the Westboro Baptist Church because Fred Phelps and Co. are the only fundamentalists that make the KJV Only crowd look sane.

I will! Bryant’s of course, is the President’s Choice. It’s all about the sauce, baby. Smokestack is a traditional favorite, definitely the best beans, which contain enough meat for a meal (and they ship worldwide!). Gates ain’t bad, but you kind of need to eat in and mix the sauces. Smokehouse is a decent new addition, to be fair. However, the best, and I mean the absolute fucking best, is Oklahoma Joe’s. Dammit, you know that you’re waiting for some shit-hot KC barbecue when you’re standing in a line from hell in the larger part of a converted gas station in Mission. Plus their team is called the “Slaughterhouse 5”. Oklahoma Joe’s is the new KC BBQ that has the rest runnin’ scared, folks.

However, Smokestack’s world shipping was particularly nice when we were living in Indianapolis, which is basically a black hole in terms of finding any barbecue that doesn’t resemble a manwich. (No offense Hoosier X).

OK, I felt it my duty to submit a full report on barbecue affairs in the KC metro.

Mark 16:17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;

16:18 They will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all.

That’s not what it says in the King James Version!!!!!!

Heresy!

Indianapolis barbecue is the only barbecue in the universe! It is the one and true barbecue of the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Sorry.

What I meant to say was:

Indianapolis has barbecue?

Mark: “when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all”

or

Leviticus: “drink ye not strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with the, lest ye die”

Which one is literally true, Governor Huckabee?

Whichever is from King James?

King James Barbecue sucks.

Hoosier–yeah, I was waiting for an “is this the absolute, literal Word of God”, but a fundie wouldn’t think to phrase it that way, and CNN obviously didn’t pick anyone who was willing to phrase their questions in normal and clear language.

What the hell? I mean, for the Democrats, the questions were sort of edited and clarified. So were the attacks, actually. This one was ALL just videos from YouTubers? The worst picks possible, started off with an entire song? I think we all know that any debate based on questions asked by YouTubers is going to come off like the least comfortable moments in a David Cronenberg film. WTF? So, will there be a real debate? Ever? Or just weirdos from YT and Mitt acting like the Mormon missionaries who asked me if “Greek Orthodox was a Christian religion” once? This is our political process?

Yeah, wake me up and tell me it’s all been a dream. Please.

Plus, oh yeah, I forgot:

That “stars and bars” flag… that the “treason” flag, cocksucker.

“King James Barbecue sucks.”

I know some folks in the Chicago area who would beg to differ.

I believe it is a well-known fact that Miss Sippi, regrettable a state as it may be in so many many ways, does indeed have the best barbecue the whole world, and that includes everywhere. I’m vegetarian my own self, but the Spousal Unit is a Memphis boy and he knows from bbq. On the other end of the state, from whence I came, we’ve got your snake-handlers and babblers what Mr. Worst President Ever was referrin’ to. Oh yeah baby! At least we’re not Alabama!

King James Barbecue sucks.

Blasphemer! William Shakespeare worked on the recipe, guided by the unerring hand of God!

Anyway, I thought Huckabee was the one who had done this. Now I can put away my displaced respect.

You’re not the only one.

——

What is going on?: Please type “881527” ???

Oh yeah baby! At least we’re not Alabama!

Ha! The joke in Georgia was that the only good thing about Alabama was that it kept us that much further away from Mississippi!

Hoosier, we looked, we got disgusted, we ordered Smokestack. Yup. Manwiches.

I used to spar with a “King James only” believer on the Delphi forums, ten years ago. I am still haunted by teh craziness of it. Apparently, the 1611 version of the King James bible is the only “real” version of the bible; the only one inspired by God; the only one to be taken literally. Any other version of the bible is suspect, if not actual heresy.

I can’t find her whacky fuckstick webpage anymore, but this is the place that used to host it, and it’s almost as bad. Check out the completely serious “Star Wars Surprise” page that demonstrates that Star Wars is a tool of the devil because Baphomet looks like Yoda when you turn him upside down. I shit you not.

The Vulgate was the tool of Satan, and anything after is even more infernal. Reading the KJV is worse than giving Lucifer a hummer.

Meh. In Northern California, we don’t have “regional cuisine”. We also don’t know barbque from a hole in the ground. I like armadillo willys, but I don’t think many of you would consider that BBQ.

What we DO, however, and it’s somewhat surprising that lots of other places haven’t figured this out yet, is we steal the good parts from everybody elses food.

hence, you get Vietnamese-Thai-Moroccan pizza with a glass of horchata.

Now THAT’S lunch…

mikey

There is a movement among the fundamentalists, the King James Only folks.
The Great Gazoogle informs me that yes, there is indeed a project to translate the bible into Klingon.
This is why we have the intertubes.

The Mr. reads the Revised Standard Version of teh Bible while he eats his pulled-pork sammiches. He never heard of such goings-on as snake-handling and poison-drinking and speaking in tongues til he came up here to the hill country. Yes they are batshit nutzoid. Amazing what rank poverty and bad-to-no education and bullshit religion can do to a human.

Leviticus: “drink ye not strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with the, lest ye die”

But wait; I thought if you didn’t drink, you were a dirty mooslim, bent on world domination.

I get so confused.

I endorse the Barbecue of the Vanities. All others are temptations sent by Satan.

[…] Somebody had their extra special set of magical underwear on tonite… […]

An amusing reaction to the debateQ&A session. TBogg found it, we copied it & linked to it as well as to Bloody Bill’s take on it.

Remember, budding Huckabee fans, he’s one of the “doesn’t believe in evolution” candidates.

Rufus: Are you old enough, or resident long enough, to remember the Dr. Hogly-Wogly commercials that used to air on Channel 13 (& only Channel 13) w/ the guy w/ the ridiculously deep voice?

I’ve lived here for most of the last 40 years. Though I remember channel 13 very well, I do not remember the commercials you refer to.

Well, they’re weren’t on all that often, & it was sometime ago. I’m pretty sure Channel 13 did them in-house. Very cheesy. Is the ‘Que at the Dr.’s any good? I never get into the Valley.

“Turn it to channel thirteen, and maybe watch the rubber tongue,
when it comes out from the puffed and flatulent Mexican rubbergoods mask.”

I assume that’s the Channel 13 you remember. What a station that was.

The Leviticus bit about not drinking wine or strong drink was a command to Aaron and company, the priests. Given that the most holy place was basically a slaughterhouse that was ON FREAKING FIRE it could be more of a safety precaution than a threat.

Nice try, “Zython”. Or should I say Heath-on???

Heath-on. Apply directly to a Heath. Saul, you drooling half-wit, I hate your commercials…but I love your product.

Doctorb–that was the wackiest thing you could post from Leviticus? Come on! I mean point taken, but let’s get to the stonings them fundies are supposed to be doing.

*clap clap* Heath-on, *clap clap* Heath-off, the Heather…

awesome. great post

“Turn it to channel thirteen, and maybe watch the rubber tongue,
when it comes out from the puffed and flatulent Mexican rubbergoods mask.”

I assume that’s the Channel 13 you remember. What a station that was.

The channel 13 Beefheart/Zappa is referring to there is KCOP (ch. 13) in Los Angeles; known for airing cheap flicks back in the day.

“Witch-goddess of Lankershim Boulevard!!!”

[…] Right Wing News, Spin Cycle, Cheat Seeking Missiles, Left in the West, NewsBusters.org, GINA COBB, Sadly, No!, Jules Crittenden, Redstate, Assorted Babble, Washington Wire, Power Line, Chuck Adkins, Betsy’s […]

I think the BBQ at Dr Hogly Wogly’s is the best in the L. A. area, but I don’t get out much, so take that for what it’s worth. I went there for lunch about a year ago, ordered the 1/2 lb brisket plate, ate it all up, and went into a food coma that lasted about 18 hours. Since then, I’ve gone through periods of intense craving that I’ve successfully held off. This thread, however, has destroyed all my defenses. I will eat there in the next few days or perish in the attempt.