Thank you for the fix.

That damned tear drop ad has been pissing me off. I ain’t no Internets-fixer, but couldn’t they just cut and paste a frigging raindrop instead of a stupid friggin blank paisley pattern in the middle of his friggin eye?

Heh.

I had no idea about this ad, mostly because I use the wonderful tool that is Adblock Plus. I wonder how I did without it.

Am I just seeing things, or does that man have some foreign (the worst kind) object lodged up his butt?

Am I just seeing things, or does that man have some foreign (the worst kind) object lodged up his butt?

Could it be the Gun Counter Gomer self-powering his brand spankin’ new gas grill?

He certainly does, Some Guy, and he’s standing over a gas grill.

Huh?

Um, WTF? I have not seen this ad. Please tell me this ad does not really exist.

Some guy – No you’re not. Yes there is. Let’s hope it isn’t from China our he’ll get lead poisoning.

Oooo — can you re-do it as one of those teardrop tattoo’s one gets to mourn lost fellow gang members?

Well, nice to know I’m just going crazy. I guess.

While you guys are busy taping up the Internet tubes, could you tell me just what the fuck Lileks is talking about today? I read his Bleat and I have no idea. I suspect it’s a cultural issue – since I’m not a neocon, I don’t have the proper cultural background in feeling like a victim to nameless Liberal forces of oppression…

Great – except you moved the tear to the wrong corner. The ducts empty at the outer corners.

Can’t be CY; that grill ain’t a char-coal one.

Well, he’s saying that women who have their hoo-ha fixed up so it can’t have kids are misanthropes.

That was to SMAWG, above. Sorry for any more confusion.

I’m not lookin’ to start no trouble, but I heard wikipedia called you a liar, mikeg. You gunna let some punk website call you a liar?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tear_duct

I think FDR needs an electric guitar.

Hilarity would ensue if someone vandalized the tear duct page on wikipedia to state that the tear duct was on the outside of the eye. I would find not end to my amusement if the wikipedia page for “tear duct” got locked!

As much as I can sympathize with the intent of the ad, that tear just pisses me off. It’s so fucking emo it’s something I’d expect on a right-wing blog, like the faketaculous crying eagle between the twin towers.

The outside of the eye? As in like this?

Admit it, Gavin, the most time consuming part of a “fixing the internets” post is finding the clever pictures to have open as your other photoshop-in-progress windows.

Careful where you leave those mad PS skills lying around, Gavin. The wrong people could pick up that crazed-zombie-Franklin pic and the next thing you know somebody puts an eye out.

Admit it, Gavin, the most time consuming part of a “fixing the internets” post is finding the clever pictures to have open as your other photoshop-in-progress windows.

But then, I’ve gotten lazy and stopped setting up the Firefox tabs with stuff like ‘Erectile Dysfunction FAQ’ and ‘Asian Bride Finder’…

It is kitsch if it inspires two tears, one for the sentiment demanded, one for the amour-propre and self-righteousness of identifying with the virtuous sentiment.

I probably mangled that badly… time to dig up the Kundera collection.

I’m so Emo, I don’t even have eyes.

I had my piercing artist replace my eyeballs with the tear ducts of an elephant.

Great. Fifty Pats threads, and now an emo thread! Blah blah blah, FDR had polio, whine whine whine.

it’s a slippery slope from lazy to half-asses, Gav. be warned.

Somebody called me a cunt.

Snif.

My favorite part when anybody posts a screenshot is checking out their browser tabs and open applications.

And now Gavin tells us he rigged ’em?

Sheesh. Can’t rely on nuthin anymore.

Love the natural gas supply, though…

mikey

Snif.

TMI.

Nobody Special: Thanks! I was gonna ask for a ‘Shorter Lileks’ entry, but then I realized that at 4’8″ he might be a little touchy about that.

My Shorter Lileks:
What’s with these uppity hippie chicks demanding “tolerance” for their abortions? Of course we all tolerate them, but by “tolerance” they secretly mean “state-mandated approval”, while I mean, “not clubbing them to death until I can get the laws changed”.

“But then, I’ve gotten lazy and stopped setting up the Firefox tabs with stuff like ‘Erectile Dysfunction FAQ’ and ‘Asian Bride Finder’…”

Whenever I take a cap of my desktop, I make sure it has a folder called “Midget porn” on it.

henever I take a cap of my desktop, I make sure it has a folder called “Midget porn” on it.

Yeah, but then you gotta fill up the folder with midget porn and that takes a while.

Memo to self: stop trying to “help”.

hmpf ftw!

thank you, thank you, thank you for the emo comment lesly, because this gives me yet another opportunity to tell my favorite joke!

q: how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
.
.
.
.
.
you’re wondering, you’re wondering, my office job is driving me a little crazy
.
.
.
.
.
a: none. they’d rather sit and cry in the dark.
alone.
with a hood on.

Yeah, but then you gotta fill up the folder with midget porn and that takes a while.

Lots of really small jpegs.

Well, yeah, but it’s CHUCK NORRIS.

and I hear he does have another fist under the beard.

Once you compress the porn enough, it gets all pixelated and you can just pretend they’re all midgets. Saves a lot of time.

Um Gavin, can you really fix the internet? I have really one main request, such a minor thing, make Malkin go bye-bye. Or teach me how to do photoshop better myself so I can at least make it look that way.

FDR is crying because that BBQ dude has something stuck up his ass?

Will no one think of the tear ducts?!

Since when does perez hilton use FDR in ads?

Once you compress the porn enough, it gets all pixelated and you can just pretend they’re all Lego block people.
Midget porn is so vanilla these days.

WHat about zero ass? I’m lovin it!

Pinko?

Zero-ass-trians?

Sounds a little like religious intolerance to me.

But then I’m just bitter….

mikey

I should have known it… Yes, there are webpages devoted to Block-structure* p0rn.

*Apparently a certain Danish toy company has a reputation for defending the integrity of its brand-name.

OK, I’m going to out myself here.

I have never, ever, ever, never, not-even-once been able to make head or tails out of any Gavin’s “fixing the internet” pictorial spectacular. I have no idea at all what the hell this one is about, what the “fix” is, or what the result is. Needless to say, teh funny in this case is way over my head.

I even read the comments hoping I can spot in the in the comments what I’ve missed in the pictures and they STILL make no sense to me. It is like I’m looking at a Picasso and y’all are standing around explaining analytic cubism and I’m trying to look all smart and nodding my head like I have a clue.

But I don’t. No idea what the HELL Gavin, our own Picasso (except for being a mysoginist prick which Pablo was and Gavin isn’t) has done.

He made the tear not look like crap.

And not come out of the pupil: WTF were they thinking? The one with the multi-tears and open mouth is even better.

Fardels Ursine companion.

It’s a lot harder when he includes unnecessary Saab references.

Then it’s impenetrable….

mikey

I have never, ever, ever, never, not-even-once been able to make head or tails out of any Gavin’s “fixing the internet” pictorial spectacular. I have no idea at all what the hell this one is about, what the “fix” is, or what the result is. Needless to say, teh funny in this case is way over my head.

He moved the crappy 2d tear over by a few pixels, which ironically did improve the quality of the image a great deal. He spent an extra five seconds vs. the original 25 seconds that went into that image and improved it by 100%.

Lileks musings: “The front of the store was piled with anti-Bush calendars – Bushisms, various countdown page-a-day numbers. I don’t remember a big heaping display of those at the end of the Clinton era. But I’m sure they were there.”
http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/07/1107/112607.html

Yep. Remember how everyone longed for the end of Clinton’s second term? There were calendars doing a countdown. People were totally concerned about possible blow jobs STILL occurring in the Oval Office. It completely overwhelmed the repercussions from changing from a Democratic liberal presidency to a constipated, ideologically fixated, reality-ignoring presidency that deemed it intelligent to invade Iraq.

Yep, we hates ourselves some Clintons when we contemplate the current foreign policy of the U.S.

Not.

I see I wasn’t the only one to notice this ad, but I think I may have beat Gavin to it?

blogwhore

Ah. I see. Yes. Now it all makes sense. heh, heh, yes, quite a knee slapper. Zany and madcap. Not quite my cup of tea but the young people seem to like it. I’d like to go into programme planning but unfortunately, I have a degree.

Guess I’m just not a visual person.

I admit, I’ve been thinking prison tat every time I see that ad, too.

‘Cause FDR gonna have to kill a motherfucker after what they done to the New Deal.