Shorter Rick Moran
Posted on November 23rd, 2007 by Tintin
ABOVE: Family Guy Rick Moran
Let’s Hear It for the Pilgrims
- People should stop blaming the Europeans for slaughtering Native Americans; if the Europeans hadn’t done it, a bunch of “rapacious yellow men” from China would have done it instead.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Failing to understand our early history in the context of the history of migrating peoples from the time that Homo Sapiens first moved out of Africa is shallow, stupid, and these days, politically motivated. It doesn’t absolve white people of murder nor does it lessen the tragedy of the destruction of native American culture. But thinking in these terms should animate our total understanding of the history of our continent and our country – something the modern day left, whose guilt-ridden diatribes against our ancestors always sounds such a discordant note on this, the most unique of American holidays, deliberately ignores in order to prove their solidarity with the oppressed.
I realize what a chore it is for some of you to be forced to read. For those unfortunate enough not to possess their fair share of brains, reading makes the eyes and head hurt. And the information gleaned from reading takes up valuable space in a limited vessel – space better used to store things like images of naked women or, in the case of the author of this piece, pictures of naked little boys.
But only a blithering idiot would take what I wrote above and say I’m not blaming Europeans for “slaughtering” native Americans. That’s because, obviously, I say exactly the opposite.
Perhaps I should have used an obscenity or two – at least that way there would have been a couple of words you would have understood.
Truly pathetic.
And I quote:
What’s truly pathetic is that anyone could use the phrase “rapacious yellow men” without apology.
That’s because it didn’t matter who came, the clash of civilizations was inevitable.
I guess in Rick’s case, hindsight is 0.5/0.5.
allowing us the pleasure of remembering the Pilgrims for what they were
i.e. people so uptight, the English kicked them out.
With apologies to Robin Williams.
Seriously, Rick, get a library card.
Happy Fucking Thanksgiving, Rick!
But only a blithering idiot would take what I wrote above and say I’m not blaming Europeans for “slaughtering” native Americans.
Michelle Malkin’s In Defense of Internment says explicitly that she’s “not advocating rounding up all Arabs or Muslims and tossing them into camps.”
[Wink wink.]
“something the modern day left, whose guilt-ridden diatribes against our ancestors always sounds such a discordant note on this, the most unique of American holidays, deliberately ignores in order to prove their solidarity with the oppressed”
Rick, I’m a sub-editor. And y’know, the thing about being a sub-editor is, every pathetic, grade-school-level mangling of the English language that you fail to catch was originally created by some subliterate, overpaid douchebag who proudly calls himself a “journalist”.
Fire your sub-editor, Rick. Then fire yourself.
And a nice assist from the Wampanoags who had their own selfish reasons for helping. A devastating plague – probably an extremely virulent form of smallpox that the Wampanoags caught from French traders – reduced their numbers dramatically leaving them vulnerable to their enemies, the Narragansett tribe.
Damn you, selfish Wampanoags!!
But only a blithering idiot would take what I wrote above and say I’m not blaming Europeans for “slaughtering” native Americans.
That’s Mr. Blithering Idiot to you, Ricky.
And let me show you how full of shit you are. To rephrase what you wrote: “Yes, sure, the Europeans killed a lot of Indians and it’s a bad thing, noone is denying that. But hey, let’s be fair, it’s not their fault. They were forced to do it by the invisible hand of history.” See, you’re absolving them of their blame.
“This line of thinking leads to a rather interesting conclusion; Europeans should have stayed in Europe, allowing only Asians to emigrate to North and South America.”
Here we have wingnuttian “logic” perfectly captured:
If X, then Y. If not X, then bananna monkey telephone.
I’m not saying Rick Moran is a drooling, tiny-dicked, goat-banging fuckhead, but “thinking in these terms should animate our total understanding” of Rick Moran.
It’s terrible how I can’t ever post something like that without “being made to feel simply awful” about how mean I was to Rick Moran.
Wow, this is easy!
Shorter Rick M: I’m a card-carrying member of NAMBLA.
Unless … some blithering idiot quoted his own writing and in the above phrase failed to clarify that he is referring to the author of the S,N! blog entry, something that would cause any half-alert editor to whip out the Red Pen of Correction.
No, that can’t be true. Rick’s a professional non-idiot writer and would never make such a clumsy error.
Shorter Rick M: Would you like some candy?
Get a BRAIN — MORAN !!
“space better used to store things like images of naked women or, in the case of the author of this piece, pictures of naked little boys.”
One wonders how long people who accused other of being pedos would survive in Rick’s happy comments threads.
Well, given that the rules are “If you insult me, or swear at all you’ll be banned you dumb fucking twat!” , I would say, not that long.
Let the poor guy alone though. The Blogosphere has instituted this grim habit of everyone having to write something on certain days and everyone trying to find a new angle on it. It is difficult to come up with a new angle on a bunch of religious fruits setting up the most pathetic homesteads, relying on the benevolence of the people that they would later slaughter and, in a show of shocking bad taste, reminding everyone about it every year. Eventually you’re going to end up with a lot of “You may think that I’m brave for saying this but…” articles.
I mean what do you talk about, how bland turkey is?
I still can’t get over the fact that he explicitly called his blog “Rightwing Nuthouse”.
Arky – damn, that shit’s funny. Ricky’s poor command of the English language has led him to out himself as a kiddie-fiddler.
But then, what would I know? The author of this post is clearly an idiot.
Ah yes, Pilgrims. The original welfare queens. Motivated by crackpot religious views they set out on a reckless and deadly journey and arrived utterly unprepared to support themselves. Crazy fucking idiots. That they had the survival instincts common to all living creatures and didn’t just lay down and die seems embarrassingly little to celebrate on their behalf so I like to forget about them on Thanksgiving and instead toast the generosity of the natives and the fact that I’m neither a Moran or a moran.
It would be funny if Moran stuck around to debate but if he’s already called his critic a pedophile I think he’s probably got nothing left.
What a bizarre path of speculation! If “we” hadn’t conquered the new world, who would have? I can accept the part of the argument that suggests that the actual history of the Plymouth colony is too complicated or nuanced to be reduced to an issue of collective guilt, but I can’t see how the assumption ‘if not us, then them,’ is anything other than an attempt to excuse guilt. It’s always fun to read an author who can maintain two contradictory premises simultaneously.
Also, the assertion that, had history turned out differently, “we” would be speaking some Asian language is simply goofy. “We” is pretty clearly defined in this essay as being European, so “we” would most likely never have established a serious foothold on this continent. As to whether Asian sailors could have conquered North or South America, who knows? And who the hell cares? I think it’s doubtful, given that it was their diseases that gave the Europeans their greatest tactical advantage. But in the long run such speculation is a tangent that only serves to contradict whatever legitimate argument the author is trying to make.
Finally, what’s with the crack about pictures of little boys? What kind of nutjob makes a crack like that and still insists his arguments be taken seriously? I’m pretty new to reading blogs, but is this a common sort of behavior among right-wingers?
Yes, Observer, bizarre speculations coupled with accusations of some sort of evil trait being motivations for criticisms of bizarre speculations, are pretty much the formula for all right-wing “arguments.” Accusing critics of being pedophiles is pretty much interchangable with accusing critics of being terrorists, gay, communists, etc.
“or, in the case of the author of this piece, pictures of naked little boys.”
Yeah, good one buddy. OMG! clif iz so totlly gay!1!!LOL!
Yet another Righty pseudo-intellectual who sounds like he’s still in high school.
Yeah, um Rick, if you’re still reading this – saying that if “white people didn’t do it, then yellow people would have done it” *is*attempting to take blame away from the white people who did it.
I mean, that idea and your entire article that’s based on it **exists** for the sole purpose of saying we should not dwell on the bad things our ancestors did, because yellow people would have done the same thing.
If you’re *not* trying to say that what our white ancestors did really wasn’t that bad, then what is the purpose of your entire article?
By the way, what is it with wingers and obsessing over baseless speculation? The ticking time bomb scenario, Saddams nukes are in Syria, welfare queens driving Cadillacs, anything the John Birch Society ever put out and now this. I guess we’re right to call ourselves the “Reality Based” community.
Gundamhed – indeed. A lefty could just as easily write a fictional scenario about how, if conservatives were running the show, we’d have endless, pointless wars, brazen corruption, US citizens being locked up and tortured for no reason, creationism taught as science in schools, and…
Oh. Never mind.
Not to get all serious but the if we didn’t the chinks would have first notion is rediculous. These asian empires were insular in the extreme, they were no more interested in “voyages of discovery” then national review is interested in being fair to the palestenians.
The Aztecs, Iroquois and Incas would have become something …different. We’ll never know. It’s part of the charm of it all.
On the other hand maybe the mooslems would have conquered America …
So… let’s execute historians? We wouldn’t want to feel bad about anything.
As an aside, I love how the term “reality-based community” was actually coined by someone in the Bush administration – and was used towards liberals as a put-down.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/17/magazine/17BUSH.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
That right there tells us all we need to know.
Thing is, if Europeans had stayed in Europe and Asian peoples somehow conquered North America, I have a hard time seeing how people not descended from the natives of North America would now be speaking an Asian tongue. ‘Cause folks like me and others descended from Europeans would, you know, be in Europe according to Moran’s initial premise.
Or would the waves of European immigration in the 19th and early 20th century still have come to North America even if it were controlled by an Asian empire? Somehow I doubt that.
Oops, looks like Observer beat me to that point. Carry on.
Moran, no one doubts that the Pilgrims were tough – they survived incredible hardship through devout faith and the benevolence of Native Americans. But writing “I realize that many native (sic) Americans are not celebrating today. More the pity for them.” is pretty naive and patronizing, and your following paragraph about honoring the Pilgrims’ bravery shows that you miss the whole point of the holiday. Thanksgiving is mostly a day of gratitude to God, maybe a day celebrating a largely imaginary Pilgrim/Indian brotherhood, but it sure isn’t just “Pilgrims Are The Bestest Ever Day.”
By the way, for those interested in actually interesting speculations about what the world would look like if the Europeans hadn’t conquered the Americas, I highly recommend Kim Stanley Robinson’s Days of Rice and Salt.
Rick Moran here, among us? a different brad is going to be so excited.
“Your honor, if I hadn’t raped her, some yellow guy was just come along and rape her anyway.”
Following on Rick “Hide the Kids” Moran’s thesis and picking up on Uncle Mike’s comment, Ricky certainly does create a handy defense for any bad action. By using the Inevitability Excuse Osama bin Laden could say “Hey, if I hadn’t ordered those guys to fly planes into buildings some one else would have done it.”
Rick Moran. Terrorist Abettor and Kiddie Molester.
Damn, Rick sure jumped on Cliff’s post in a hurry, didn’t he? Only about 20 minutes after it went up, and that presumably included at least a couple of minutes to hammer out his reply.
Something tells me he might have been anticipating it. Or that he obsessively refreshes this page, looking for stuff about himself. Which is a strangely pleasing thought.
Actually, there was no need to wait for rapacious yellow men to come along, since the rapacious red men had been slaughtering one another for centuries and would have, no doubt, continued to do so.
Rick in comments:
I posited the notion only to highlight the insanity of the logical conclusion that should be drawn from “White people should not have come” which is the basic native American position.
Didn’t Rick Moran rob a liquor store or something? I thought there were pictures of that.
In Rick’s comment section he now maintains that the speculation about Asian conquering is intended as a joke. I usually have a pretty good eye for satire, but I’ll confess I didn’t see that at all. So either I can’t read, or he can’t write. Actually, both are probably true. But in the main, I think it was poorly executed writing.
OK, so I’ll accept that part of the essay is meant humorously. Rick, since you obviously are reading these comments, you could have just come on and said, “You know, some of what you’re reading wasn’t intended to be taken seriously.” You might have come across as a rational actor. Instead you resort to hysterical cries that your critics can’t read (If you would write better, that’d be less of a problem), and then jump off the deep end with your batshit nuts pedophile joke. After that crack, why on earth would anybody give any credence to anything you write? Sorry, pal, you’ve already ceded any right you might have to be treated seriously. Right now it just looks like you’re making junk up to cover your stupidity.
what is it wingers and alternate universes?
Every week there is a new essay about ‘imagine this…”
Every week there is a new essay about ‘imagine this…”
They’re myths of potency. The Penthouse Forum for wingnuts.
Rick has banned me something like five times from his comments. He’s such a tease.
You love me, Ricky, and I love you. We’re not gay, but we’ll find a way…..
Tho, really, Ricky, noble savages?
They’re myths of potency.
That’s not well put. They’re fantasies designed to bolster the myth of their present ultraboneriousness.
Yes, J–, it makes me wanna post about him on FMM to give him an excuse to talk to me.
I’ll wait, tho. If I did it now he’d be all coy about it.
He’s such a little tease.
What can I say. Rick Moran is a moron and a public supporter of genocide (his choice of words, not mine). He can weasel all he wants, but his construction, despite the mandatory rightard disclaimer to deflect righteous criticism of what you actually believe and want to say, is that the destruction of the Native Americans is OK and probably a good thing. His suggestion, in jest or otherwise, that if the Europeans had not done it then the Chinese would have reveals a profound ignorance of history and of Chinese culture. Of course that parallels his widely demonstrated ignorance of just about everything except the smell of his on ass.
They were poor hunters, had few firelocks, and were not familiar with the local fauna so were unable to procure food through the gathering of nuts and berries as the native Americans did.
Nuts and berries are fauna, and are hunted with firelocks? No, no– the correct term is FERNA, which is hunted with FIRKINS, not firelocks.
Oh, and how do we all know that Ricky doesn’t have a factual basis for claiming Asians would have invaded otherwise?
The guy has access to secret works by Socrates, maybe he also has unpublished plans from Japan or summin where the Emperor says if they ever find a new continent they’re gonna kill everyone they can find, cuz whenever two groups of people meet, they kill each other.
That’s what Thanksgiving is all about.
“maybe he also has unpublished plans from Japan or summin where the Emperor says if they ever find a new continent they’re gonna kill everyone they can find, cuz whenever two groups of people meet, they kill each other.”
It’s standard wingnut procedure to assume everyone, everywhere thinks exactly like you do. Also they just can’t abide the notion that not white, not Christian types could ever be less violent and expansionist then them.
Cut the guy some slack, at least he takes a break from his confessed habit of looking at child porn.
Does it really say that?
I am not inclined to read it to verify your interpretation, but I read enough wingnutty sophistry to know how common it is to see nonsensical, childish tripe like this from conservatives. I also know how often you guys are spot-on with these summaries. So I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that I don’t have.
His suggestion, in jest or otherwise, that if the Europeans had not done it then the Chinese would have reveals a profound ignorance of history and of Chinese culture.
Yes, they are a peaceful, gentle people aren’t they? Known especially for their concerns for native cultures (e.g. Tibet) and their aversion to plundering natural resources, even by proxy (e.g. anywhere in Africa where there is oil).
This is one of the defining charactersitics of conservative argumentation.
Some bad history above.
No, the Chinese (or any Eurasian) would have had a very similar impact on original Americans, as the people on the continent of Eurasia shared much of the same disease micro-organism pool.
Who’s “we,” kemosabe? The notion that the Chinese are nothing but insular is actually the ridiculous one, an idea handed down from centuries of European prejudice and mis-observation. This “timeless” character of east Asians is as silly as characterizing the French as perpetual surrender monkeys. Even if the Ming government chose in the fifteenth century to repudiate financing of overseas exploration, Chinese individuals traded and settled throughout the western end of the Pacific and eastern Indian Ocean all during the “age of exploration,” undertaking voyages of thousands of miles. The Chinese, Manchus, and Koreans collected, preserved, and reproduced “global” maps throughout this period.
I need to read Years of Rice and Salt–though I fear it being too simplistic as history–but Robinson’s alt-histories/futures have never pulled me in except for the wonderful anti-war parable “The Lucky Strike.”
Oh I get it. Sadly, No! is hoarding all the really good spoofs.
Although I’m disappointed r78 failed to mention the ravening hordes of randy Chinese soldiers that are waiting to rip the bodice from the heaving virginal bosom of America.
Step up your game dude.
“They were poor hunters, had few firelocks, and were not familiar with the local fauna so were unable to procure food through the gathering of nuts and berries as the native Americans did…”
I can’t help thinking of the Donner Party when I read this. The story goes that while they were busy eating their belts and shoe leather (and eventually each other), the local natives were watching with great interest from the woods. Presumably, they knew what “flora and fauna” to eat and were able to overwinter in the Sierra Nevadas (though having seen what white men had done to their bretheren were less than inclined to want to help – imagine that). So even after another 200-odd years, white settlers were still completely useless at basic survival skills.
Huh, what a surprise.
Fats,
Thanks for the correction. Would genetic similarities between Native Americans and these hypothetical invading Asians confer any disease resising benefits? I suppose it’s a moot question, since supposedly the essay wasn’t serious about the whole Asian thing, but I’m just curious.
BTW, I didn’t get the impression that the essay being discussed put such an emphasis on the Chinese as hypothetical conquerers of the Americas. He also mentioned Polynesians, and seems to imply just about any Asian group as potentials.
It’s not just common, it’s mandatory.
You’re being awfully charitable.
Are we allowed to challenge that myth? I had no idea. I can’t believe people still say things like “French tanks only have one gear … reverse!” and then act surprised when intelligent people roll their eyes and change the subject. I’m not offended because someone is making fun of the French. I’m offended that someone is wasting my time with a very old joke that was never that funny to begin with.
In Rick’s comment section he now maintains that the speculation about Asian conquering is intended as a joke.
Straight out of the wingnut playbook. I associate this tactic most strongly with Ace of Bacon and Play-Doh, but you do see it all over the place among the rightards.
You know why we never catch on to these wingnut “jokes”? Because jokes are supposed to be funny.
And with political humor, it always helps if your premise has at least a grain of truth to it.
I’m going to eviscerate you and dogs will gnaw on your entrails.
Wakka wakka!
Says you.
Rick Moran is beneath contempt.
Rick Moran was beaten with an ugly stick. Possibly by Terry.
You know why we never catch on to these wingnut “jokes”? Because jokes are supposed to be funny.
That’s true, but in many cases I think it’s because whatever the wingnut said wasn’t meant as a joke nor represented as such until they realized how much of an ass it made them look like to say it.
[…] Moran, from Right Wingnut House, got all pissed at a post I wrote about him at Sadly, No! So he takes to the comments section there to call me a pedophile: […]
Absolutely 100% OT, but does anyone know where I could find hard, hopefully readable, data on the US national deficit, and debt, over the past 10-20 years?
A freind of mine is looking for substantiation of the claim that Clinton’s administration ran at a surplus, and Bush’s has run at a large deficit.
From the Hizzouse Nut’s comment in his own thread…
“As far as the joke about speaking Asian…”
Oh, OK, that explains it – Ricky wuz just kidding.
Weak.
“…the insanity of the logical conclusion that should be drawn from “White people should not have come” which is the basic native American position.”
Yeah, really. How can the Native Americans even think that way, considering how well everything turned out for them.
Psychopathic.
atheist,
http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/
There’s an awesome graph in the FAQ. Clinton didn’t actually run a surplus until the late 90s, but your point definitely still stands.
Atheist –
I suggest starting with diaries by Bonddad at DailyKos.
In particular, look at his recent 3-part series, “The Worst Economy of Our Lifetime.” He’s also got his own blog (lots of stock/bond/trading stuff), here.
I also like Jerome a Paris’s stuff at DailyKos for energy economics and other macro-stuff.
Why is it these guys identify so strongly with the Pilgrims anyway? I mean, they weren’t the first Europeans here, nor the majority, nor is our culture based on theirs (for example, we’re allowed to wear whatever color clothes we like, to celebrate Christmas, and to occasionally smile). I don’t think a lot of people can trace their family history back to those guys either. So what’s the big deal?
There’s an awesome graph in the FAQ. Clinton didn’t actually run a surplus until the late 90s, but your point definitely still stands.
Awesome, thanks!
You are THEMANN! (1086)
And we all know Rick is an expert on the “basic Native American position,” having done extensive study of the multitude of tribes in America by seeing that commercial where the Native American cries when some yahoo throws garbage out of a car window.
How could anyone doubt his authority to speak on such issues? Shame on you all!
Why is it these guys identify so strongly with the Pilgrims anyway?
Maybe they too yearn for a land of religious intolerance and Quakers dangling from gallows.
But my guess is just that the pilgrim story is a cherished childhood myth and these guys haven’t bothered to learn much about the other Europeans who came before, or much of any other historical stuff either.
hey, Phyllis Schlafy said there was a surplus in 1999, so it must have been true. Spending Our Social Security Surplus On War
I’m with Moran on this one. I really don’t see what the remnants of the nations, safely locked away on the reservations, have to complain about. After several hundred years of pounding their red flesh into the soil from whence it sprang the US is now graciously giving them the sufficient conditions under which they can enjoy all the benefits of poverty, diabetes, and alcoholism.
And to support Mr. Moran’s credentials: not only did he watch (many, many times!) the commercial Arky – Cthulhusexual previously referenced he also has, in his pocket – even as we speak – a Buffalo-Head nickel and he is deeply versed in the subtle dynamics of Native American/Native White social, political, and economic interactions through his extensive research of the various episodes of “The Lone Ranger.”
Thus, Therefore, QED, he has not only the right but the duty to speak out.
Aaaaw! Moran gibbed my comment! No fair!
Anyways, here it was:
Sad fase.
But my guess is just that the pilgrim story is a cherished childhood myth and these guys haven’t bothered to learn much about the other Europeans who came before, or much of any other historical stuff either.
thats pretty much it aint it? The wingnut movements are all about trying to get back the feeling that the had watching old movies as a kid: the feeling that mom is kitchen, dad is off mowing the lawn or in the garage and the Duke or Chuck Norris is out in the bad world kicking ass. Leaving them safe to play with their GI Joes all day long.
Now if they cant have it back they are going to burn the world for not being like their rose colored memories.
“White people should not have come” which is the basic native American position.”
The ingrates! What would they rather be doing? Living in the way that they choose on their own land or running our casinos and selling cheap cigs?
Did he get it on Kid Nation? Which one is he? I’m guessing he’s the kid who stole all the food in the middle of the night to sell it to the other kids the next day, and when they complained and called him a thief, he called them liberals and extolled the virtue of free enterprise.
I blame the spirochetes and the pox. What blankets?
Yay! Let’s hear it for the Muslims! If they hadn’t taken over Constantinople, those rapacious Kossacks would have.
Heh. If Larry Craig hadn’t gone looking for gay sex a homosexual would have.
Durston’s right. There’s even evidence the Chinese circumnavigated the globe before Magellan.
If we hadn’t killed all those Jews someone else would have.
something the modern day left, whose guilt-ridden diatribes against our ancestors always sounds such a discordant note on this, the most unique of American holidays, deliberately ignores in order to prove their solidarity with the oppressed.
So, in other words, the left is made up of only white males? Or is that just the world that Mr. Moran sees?
This jackass confirms what I’ve always said about television show writers and why I refuse to pay one nickel to have the shit beamed into my living room.
Fuck you Moran, I am on the left and am one of the members of the oppressed (female). Fuck you.
OH, wait a minute, I had the idea that this guy writes “Family Guy”? If not, my apologies (maybe) to the actual writer for my slip. Still doesn’t mean I’ll break down and pay a cable bill.
Shalom gentlemen.
One thing that I never quite get about conseravtive “culture warrior” types, is why do they believe that when people like myself look at the beginnings of the USA, we are consumed with guilt? What if we just want to look at things as they were.
Maybe I have more icewater in my veins than is common among conservatives, or something.
Europeans didn’t slaughter the indians willingly, they had no choice because those savages were raiding our villages, scalping colonists and raping white women. The Europeans had no choice but to defend themselves and their families.
Ever wonder what conservatives spend their time thinking about? Well, conservapedia has the answer for you! Hilarity ensues:
http://www.conservapedia.com/Special:Statistics
There’s even evidence the Chinese circumnavigated the globe before Magellan.
If you mean the 1421: The year China discovered the world thesis, there is not so much “evidence”, and more “nebulous scraps of fantasy spawned from Gavin Menzies’ fertile imagination”.
“Ever wonder what conservatives spend their time thinking about? Well, conservapedia has the answer for you! Hilarity ensues:
http://www.conservapedia.com/Special:Statistics”
Fucking hilarious. Though not exactly surprising.
The fact of the matter is that homosexuality is an abomination before the Lord God Almighty. Homosexuality and the perverts who practice should always be condemned.
With all due respect, this is being discussed over at Gates of Vienna in such humorous terms that I just have to share. They have an “army of midgets” now, and the war is pretty much official between them and Little Green Footballs. The constant invoking of a comment by “Tasty Beverage”, along with such serious discussion of Tasty Beverage, have convinced me to chronicle this in blog form. Seriously, discussion of Beverage here:
http://gatesofvienna.blogspot.com/2007/11/army-of-midgets.html#readfurther
I don’t want to be too intrusive, but this is just too mockable. Please contact me if interested.
yeah, its not about cutting my wrists because some 17th century religious nuts were assholes, its more about pointing out to the modern assholes that they could choose better superheros.
PS are we sure Moran wasn’t confessing to being a pedophile? He referred to “the author of this piece” and he is the author of both his post and the text that he quotes.
While we are on confessions, I would like to admit that I am a pavophile and there is nothing I enjoy more than stuffing a nice juicy young turkey.
The fact of the matter is that homosexuality is an abomination before the Lord God Almighty.
No it isn’t.
Leviticus 18:22 “Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind that is an abomination”.
So, Saul, which translation of the Tanakh did you get that from?
The last great migration from Asia may have occurred as recently as 6,000 BC
Hey! Isn’t that when the earth was created? So the Asian hordes rode dinosaurs during their last migration? Hmmm, I feel a poem coming on…
No, wait, wait — the earth is only 6,000 years old! Therefore there is no “6,000 years BC”! Ha! Gotcha, Mr. Moran! Why do you hate Jesus, and consequently, America and the Pilgrims?
Everything Rabbi Saul knows about Judaism he learned from his Baptist minister
Leviticus says I can love others as I love myself. This means I am allowed to touch your wiener.
Leviticus was written by a retard.
That’s pretty funny.
S,N!: “Hey, check out this blog post that shows how much wingnuts are obsessed with homosexuality. Makes you kinda wonder, eh?”
Saul (within three posts): “Homosexuality homosexuality homosexuality homosexuality homosexuality.”
Top-notch trolling. You can’t write this stuff.
Hey MzNicky
Do you realize that you just called the Prophet Moses a retard?!
The Lord shall hold you accountable for this!
Which is meant for Saul, not RB. RB is of course allowed to touch Saul’s wiener if he wants. But only if Saul consents, which I think he does. oh nevermind. I just spent Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law, the LIBERTY UNIVERSITY graduate. She wore a “Liberty University” sweatshirt and pontificated during the entire meal about how Falwell U admonishes them all to be accepting toward agnostics, Jews, “and Episcopalians.” Much wine was consumed, and not just by me.
Leviticus was written by a retard.
A retard who really liked cute bunnies and could not stand to see them eaten.
There is no Lord. Other than your dom, Saul.
Maybe a Document Object Model is your Lord MzNicky but my Lord is YHWH The Creator of the Universe, He who rides the Ancient Skies above.
Well, maybe we wouldn’t have slaughtered them if they weren’t so dang easy to kill off! Ever thing of THAT, liebtards?!
Lord is YHWH The Creator of the Universe, He who rides the Ancient Skies above.
That’s “he who shows his ass to Moses from on high.” Exodus 33:23. God wanted an anal pounding.
I can’t wait for Rabbi Saul to get all worked up about the War on Christmas.
Has anyone else noticed that conservatives seem to overcapitalize and liberals seem to undercapitalize? What is with that?
Oh, and did god use a magic wand to create the universe and a carpet to ride the ancient skies? Or does he just sort of float in the ether and let stuff materialize out of his semen?
It says in the Torah that ” he who taketh the Name of the Lord in vain shall surely be put to death”!
Moses and God: ass love unrequited.
http://www.utpjournals.com/simile/issue15/nunes3.html
Has anyone else noticed that conservatives seem to overcapitalize and liberals seem to undercapitalize? What is with that?
Germanisms shouldn’t come naturally to certain people?
Saul is still a better troll than r78 at least. Why do they always keep getting lamer?
” he who taketh the Name of the Lord in vain shall surely be put to death”!
Why that sounds like Islamo-fascist talk to me Saul! Why do you hate America so much?
It says in the Torah that ” he who taketh the Name of the Lord in vain shall surely be put to death”!
Oh really. Huh. Well, I’m not Jewish, and besides, far as I can see, everyone dies from something at some point. Plus it’s like I tell my mother when she assures me I’m going to hell: I don’t believe in hell, so that would be impossible, wouldn’t it?
“Saul,” I’m only engaging you because I’m so fucking bored right now. Anyone got a good recipe for turkey tetrazzini? Where’s our mikey?
We desperately need a Federal Constitutional Amendment banning same sex marriage in this Country. Also civil unions and gay adoptions must also be prohibited.
Hey Saul? Go fuck yourself with a pine cone. Unless that’s an abomination as well, in which case have your pastor do it to you when he’s finished with his wet suit thing.
And homosexuality must also be removed from the list of so called “hate crimes”. While i’m not a big believer in hate crimes laws I think that if they must exist they must only include things like race, creed and gender NOT SEXUAL ORIENTATION! That would be the same as including pedophiles in the “hate crimes” statute.
Why do they always keep getting lamer?
Our whirlwind of mockery pisses off the smarter ones, but is imprerceptible to the stupider ones?
Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The trolls of yesteryear seem better. Or something like that.
Saul is still a better troll than r78 at least.
That’s because he’s a phony. The earnest ones are really dull.
Scurrilous limerick and I’m out for a bit:
There once was a homo called God
Who referred to his staff as his rod
He’d slurp multiple hoses
Then ass-fuck old Moses
And squirt his seed out on the sod
Saul, coming to someone else’s blog and basically calling every non-straight person there a pedophile makes you a profound piece of shit person. Make a lot of friends that way?
Homosexual unions are not domestic partnerships.
Since homosexuals take it up the butt Its only natural that they should be called Domestic Fartnerships.
Gay Fartnership!
Hehehehe!
Now thats what I call funny!
Ted, take Saul seriously for form’s sake once or twice and if you must engage him after that bat him around like a kitty toy. He’s an ass who only exists to offer straight lines.
The trolls of yesteryear seem better. Or something like that.
That sounds right, but I don’t remember what the older trolls were like. I know Shoelimpy was a sure-nuff fucktard.
Paleo-Gary Ruppert wasn’t too bad. I only got around to putting him on the pie list a week or so ago. Still a dim bulb, but not as annoying as The Littlest Rabbi.
Omigod, you’re RIGHT, Saul! We should be able to go out and bludgeon any homosexual we want to anytime we want to. Even if we only think they’re gay, we need to bash their brains in, ’cause we don’t want them adopting kids or teaching in schools or serving in Congress.
Hell, let’s not stop there. Let’s kill anyone who’s ever been an adulterer! Let’s stone men and women who engage in sex outside of marriage, or anyone who looks at pornography or anyone who even makes an untoward remark about a person of the opposite sex. If they make on about someone of the same sex, then let’s stone him then hang him! After all, he’s probably one of the dirty homossexuals we didn’t get to in the first place.
Then we can go ahead and lay down some Old Testament (‘scuse me, Talmudic) wrath upon anyone who breaks ANY of the ten commandments or anything in the Book, for that matter! Liars? Cut out their tongues! Shopping on the Sabbath? We can’t have that, let’s burn them in a pit! Talking back to their parents? Give ’em a ride on the ducking stool; who cares if he’s three yearss old?
And when it’s all said and done, well, it’ll just be you, righteous, holy Saul, left on the earth to live in outright fear of doing anything even remotely displeasing in YHWH’s sight. But at least you’ll be pure, right?
Sam how do you like it living in a solid red state like Utah?
…if they cant have it back they are going to burn the world for not being like their rose colored memories.
Just so, and that explains why they get so riled when we evul LIEbruls point out that the world was never really like the movies.
The Taliban had the right punishment ideas for homosexuals. I particularly liked the falling wall technique.
Where are the BLTs of yesteryear?
Someone has a cronic case of name stealing
Come on guys my anti-homosexual retoric is harsh but not that harsh.
Has anyone else noticed that conservatives seem to overcapitalize and liberals seem to undercapitalize? What is with that?
My theory is conservatives are used to being ignored, so they shout.
And as for liberals? I blame UNIX.
Damn saul is a boring banal little piece of whining, runny shit, isn’t he?
The thing you have to understand, saul, is that rational grownups are not willing to accept silly bronze-age stories as guiding wisdom.
We prefer to think rationally, weigh evidence, and arrive at a conclusion supported by observed reality. And if that conclusion is informed by inclusiveness and compassion, so much the better.
mikey
I caught my mother wearing clothing woven of two different fabrics. I stoned her to death yesterday.
I liked Saul better when I thought his first comment said the punishment for teh ghey should be sodomy. Now that was funny. The fartnership thing was a little funny when P.J. O’Rourke first said it in, like, 1979.
MzNicky, I could give you a decent turkey tetrazzini recipe, but my preferred leftover turkey dish is Bigos (Polish hunter’s stew), made with sauerkraut, onions, mushrooms, red wine, brown sugar and various hunks of ex-animal, including teh turkee. It lasts forever and gets better every day.
“If I hadn’t stolen that bicycle left unattended, someone else would have.”
It’s called rationalization.
btw If the gods these people believe in exist, and they supposedly created everything, didn’t they create atheists, gays, and all the rest?
Who are these people to question the creations of their gods?
I would like to admit that I am a pavophile and there is nothing I enjoy more than stuffing a nice juicy young turkey.
Not to be pedantic or anything, but wouldn’t Pavophilia be an attraction to peacocks?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
OK, then let’s stuff a peacock.
mikey
Smiling Mortician: Yowsers. Well, I’m a vegetarian, but the young ‘uns and the ol’ man have gotta have their meat. We had 20 family members over for dinner yesterday (my head still hurtz. bad.) and we’ve got a ton of bird left, and the offspring and their significant others come over every Sun. night for dinner, so I figure we’ll do something with the leftovers. I had a recipe for tetrazzini back in the day that was really good but can’t find it now.
Not to be pedantic or anything, but wouldn’t Pavophilia be an attraction to peacocks?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I made it up. The wild turkey is meleagris gallopavo, but gallopavophilia is awkward and doesn’t mesh as well with pedophilia. Plus the spanish word for turkey is pavo, so I just got lazy.
Besides, my obscure fetish, my name.
And peacocks are sometimes hot, but too queeny.
OK, then let’s stuff a peacock.
Dare I ask where you intend to stuff it?
Fly the Ancient Skies — of YHVH!
I like to think that every time I have gay sex I’m preventing another abortion.
“Damn saul is a boring banal little piece of whining, runny shit, isn’t he?”
I’m getting good mileage out of the Greasemonkey script that finally started working – nothing in this thread but shaded rectangles with no text beyond:
“Saul said,
November 24, 2007 at 2:58 (unkill) (autopsy)”
Would the author of this script please take a bow?
As for turkey leftovers, it’s through the meat grinder and into a pot of fake chili for mine.
Hilarious. Saul proves Conservapedia correct. Nothin’ but gay sex on the brain with that guy.
For those unfortunate enough not to possess their fair share of brains, reading makes the eyes and head hurt.
Especially when reading Rick Moran
Turkey pot pie would be good–turkey, leftover gravy, miscellaneous veggies with a pie crust or leftover mashed potatoes on top. Good stuff and a great way to clean out the fridge.
“he who shows his ass to Moses from on high.”
Oh Moon of El-Abama
We now must say goodbye
We’ve lost our good old mama
And must have whiskey … you know why
Shhh! We have to wait until Rick M falls asleep.
Go fuck yourself with a pine cone.
Figure 1 shows the same suggestion on pictorial form (Saul on right).
Shalom gentleOWWWHATTHEFUCK JUST BIT ME?? HELP!!! GOD THE PAIN!!! SOMEON>•-,,——,,—
—-,,——-,,-•< [URP]
Saul–listen to the good Bubba, OK?
“Leviticus says I can love others as I love myself. This means I am allowed to touch your wiener.”
Jesus wanted marriage and monogamy but never spoke up about homosexuality, so I guess He’d want everyone to be married, at least by my Mom’s logic.
Lawrence, Kansas. You. Me. You roll just like Phred. Name your date. Anyone wanting that dumbass amendment has to get past me first, Campanile Hill. Ready to ROLL you like a Phelps. Then I’ll turn you over to some Okies. They’s nuts.
ohhhhhh, alligator done ate Saul.
“But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you.” (Leviticus 11:10)
Take THAT Red Lobster. Saul & I will be boycotting your (really) abominable food henceforth.
Thank Dog for spicy tuna rolls.
I have to say I get a giggle out of each and every alligator eating a troll. It’s rather pathetic, I know, but ascii animals just make me laugh. I guess it shows my age: “when Ah were a lad, t’only animals we ‘ad were ascii. None o’ yer newfangled, animated critters fer us, laddie, we were glad to ‘ave an asterisk ter play wit’.” (Said in the manner of Monty Python’s Four Yorkshiremen)
Well, since Qetesh asked.
(\__/)
(o.O)
(>
GAH! My bunny! Damn you, code text!
I’ll try this again, then give up and go do something else.
(\__/)
(o.O)
(>
Qetesh, you think you’re old? back in high school we worked on computer terminals with no screens, just keyboards with printers, and reams of paper(as opposed to reams of dildos). What I’d have given for a glimpse of flickering ascii characters! It was GOTO 10 and PRINT and we were glad to have it!
Integer numbers? Luxury, luxury. In our day, had to make our own numbers from the Peano postulates. But you try telling kids today.
ook!
Leviticus 18:22 “Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind that is an abomination”.
this passage quite clearly states that a man must not have vaginal intercourse with another man. nothing in it about ass banditry
//^-^\\
(o=o)
=(Y)=
por Qetesh.
Hah! When I was in junior high school (what they used to call middle school, at my school it was known as “The Lower School”) we had to type our moronically simple program instructions on a keyboard that PUNCHED HOLES IN TICKER TAPE that was then fed into our terminal that was connected to the mainframe @ the Univ. of Washington. I am not joking. Somehow Paul Allen & Bill Gates figured out how to make a living from the very same terminal.
I have no excuse for not jumping on the bandwagon.
Leviticus 18:22 “Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind that is an abomination”
Sounds like Jesus* wants me to be a lesbo. Well, okay then! The Bible tells me so.
______
(*Yes yes, I know Leviticus is Old Testament. I didn’t go to Sunday School and church every damn week for the first 15 years of my life without retaining something.)
Also, late to the geezer-fest, but:
Computers? You had COMPUTERS? Why, when I was in junior high we’d never heard of computers. We had ditto machines that ran off copies one at a time in the principal’s office, and it used this purple ink that all the kids tried to huff. Our typing classes were on MANUAL typewriters and we used these pencil-like erasers with a brush on one end when we made typos! And carbon paper! Don’t even get me started on carbon paper! THAT’s how you made your dang-nabbed copies, little misters and little missies, and when you made a mistake you had to use that eraser stick on BOTH copies! And then the instructor would come up from behind you and hit you with a ruler! No cotton’pickin’ new-fangled fool things like White-out® and copy tape, for cryin’ out loud! Nossir. Okay, I’m done.
‘Member the pink correction fluid for Gestetner templates?
I liked the smell of that blue ink on our hand-cranked worksheets, can call it up any time I like.
NCR cards were cutting edge – after I got out of high school.
Working on mainframes using numbers in the left-hand column to edit documents. We were Assembler 360 programmers back in the day – do they still use that?.
Big visual breakthrough was when screen displays changed from poison green on black to amber on black, aside from screen displays themselves, that is.
My friend brought an Osborne into the office one day. Super-portable because it had a handle with which to carry its 80 lbs of useless computing power. Wave of the future, though.
Shalom, gators.
Rick Moran wrote in the comments:
“Jesus what a shallow, unthinking, ape.”
Jesus probably doesn’t like being called a “shallow, unthinking, ape.” I hope the religious right sees what Moran wrote about Jesus and respond appropriately even if he is on their side politically.
Alligator may be the impetus I need to install Greasemonkey. I’m not a big pie fan, but “OWWWHATTHEFUCK JUST BIT ME?? HELP!!! GOD THE PAIN!!! SOMEON>•-,,——,,—
—-,,——-,,-•
oops. Glue a mouth, burp, and “is something I can really get behind” to the ass end of that comment.
—-,,——-,,-•< *burp*
Enough of these wild alligations.
mimeographs! i can remember how those smelled. of course, we couldn’t afford fancy duplicating machines, and carbon paper? maybe in your rich private schools.
we’d get a spoonful of carbon at christmas and had to make it last the rest of the year! but we were happy.
geezerpalooza!
The words mankind and womankind implies some ambitious bastards were trying to screw everything that moved. I think it simply means “Don’t be an ignorant slut.”
Is there a jewish equvalent to a cafeteria christian?
When I was a kid, back when Plessy v. Ferguson was still in place, the Aryans had a school where they learned the R’s: writin’, readin’, ‘rithmetic, and racism. And the lesser races learned huffin’, hoein’ and whoin’. (In the days before judicial activism, it would have been a waster of time to teach ’em anything other.)
And the coloreds liked it that way and were happy. They had that happy singin’. They wouldn’t have had all that happy singin’ if they didn’t like it, would they? Huh? Huh? Got you there!
Liberals. Hmf.
But you try to tell that to the kids of today, and they don’t believe ya.
I think it simply means “Don’t be an ignorant slut.”
Maybe in your fancy rich churches you feel you can interpret the word of the Lord for your own purposes, Mr. Cthulhusexual there, but as my snake-handling brethren down here put it: “God said it, I believe it, end of story.” Therefore, I must not lie with mankind.
Huh. Who knew the homaseckshul agenda began with teh Bible?
Is there a jewish equvalent to a cafeteria christian?
Well there was a classic Daily Show moment when Jon Stewart was poking fun at evangelical hubris with Bill Kristol. Kristol blushed a little at the attack on his overlords and tried to point out that “we” (meaning Jews) also have this idea of being a “chosen people”.
Jon Stewart stopped him and said, “I believe in the all-you-can eat bagel buffet, that’s all”. I have a tiny mancrush on that guy.
Bill Kristol is an asshole.
I know, it’s really obvious, it’s been said before, but some things just can’t be said often enough.
(I wonder if YHVH ever wonders if he chose the wrong people. In the Old Testament, he sends one misfortune after another against them because they’ve been bad in one way or another. YHVH can’t seem to admit he might have been wrong about them. So, in this way at least, the commander-in-chief is kind of god-like.)
By the way, Bill Kristol is an asshole.
Kristol is also a paid whore, which makes him a manwhore. Does that mean we get to stone him? Please? You just know he goes home and fucks his pile of money.
Well o’ course it began in th’ Bible, MzNicky! God created ever’thin. The Earth, the stars, NASCAR, cowboy boots, chaps an homsectyewalls.
h mean, yew never hear about God gettin’ married, do yew? Nope, he’s what mah granny usta call a “Confirmed Batcheler.” [wink wink]
Ya’ll ought t’be shamed fer suggestin’ anythin exists without God put it there.
‘Cept fer Ryan Seacrest. ‘Cos I cain’t stand that stupid bitch.
One thing that I never quite get about conseravtive “culture warrior” types, is why do they believe that when people like myself look at the beginnings of the USA, we are consumed with guilt? What if we just want to look at things as they were.
Projection. Moran believes in collective guilt. Otherwise “muslims–close enough” would not be an adequate justification for Iraq. If we liberals keep whining about reality, Jehovah might remember he has to smite us. The American Taliban has a really odd interpretation of the “omniscient and ominpresent” thing.
I love this:
I realize what a chore it is for some of you to be forced to read.
I mean, yeah, when I want post-literacy, I come to Sadly No! It must be crushing to have a brother to constantly remind you that you are too big of a chunderhead to even make it as a corporate tool.
I thought Leviticus was written by a bunch of Babylonian Quislings?
Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind that is an abomination
Translation: If thou sharest a bed with another bloke, thou shalt not steal all the blankets onto thy side.
[…] hearing that about common decency coming from someone who said this about me: I realize what a chore it is for some of you to be forced to read. For those unfortunate […]
or, in the case of the author of this piece, pictures of naked little boys.
Fuck you and your blog, Rick.