might be the most explicitly fascist thing I’ve ever read at Townhall:

I can never figure it out: is that a high bar, or a low bar you’re setting?

What an evil nitwit.

If I’m ever Queen of the World, I’m making it my mission to make sure every American kid gets a decent civics education. And just for shits and giggles,the curriculum will include clips and comments by the wingnut welfarians with proper critique of just WTF is wrong with statements like this one. Of course,if one has the proper civics education this sort of thing is obvious,hence the need for said education in the first place. But,we have much work to do before Limbaughs of all stripes and degrees are treated much like the obnoxious relative at Thanksgiving.

A sharp eye in an apple pie? That would hurt going down.

Apple pie will defend itself by any means necessary, including waterboarding.

A Thanksgiving Prayer

“To John Dillinger and hope he is still alive. Thanksgiving Day November 28 1986”

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts.

Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin’ lawmen, feelin’ their notches.

For decent church-goin’ women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.

Thanks for “Kill a Queer for Christ” stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where nobody’s allowed to mind his own business.

Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the memories — all right let’s see your arms!

You always were a headache and you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8m_J6sXj_0

Um…aren’t the Boy Scouts a completely private organization? When did they become the Official Keeper of American Masculinity (TM)?

A pie can’t be too careful this time of the year.

Not to mention baseball, hot dogs and chevrolets.

David Limbaugh, brother of radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh…

that’s all you need to know.

Um, isn’t apple pie meant to be cut up into pieces and eaten?

Travis, you sadistic bastard.

Down with apple pie! Up with un-American seafood! Apple pie is totally kosher! Eat it to your hearts delight!

Um, isn’t apple pie meant to be cut up into pieces and eaten?

Yes, but you cut it from the top instead of stabbing it in the back.

I find that you can sneak up on apple pies when they’re cooling on the windowsill. Otherwise look out for that taser bro.

Sentimental Authoritarianism, as American as Apfelstrudel

The Boy Scouts incident appears to be a misunderstanding. But that’s too innocent an explanation for the fertile wingnut imagination, ain’t it?

Mebbe he meant that teevee series Queer Eye for the Apple Pie.

“I dare say the overwhelming majority of Americans would think that such demonstrations of support for America should be instinctive, uncontroversial and unquestionable.”

In Limbaugh’s defense, it did sound better on the old newsreel. (Leni’s cinematography helped, too.)

How fat does a wingnut need to get before he confuses himself with “the overwhelming majority” of us? Or was that a typo, from “overwhelming obesity”?

Don’t worry, David, there will be plenty of apple pie for your fat-assed, limp-dicked, thrice-divorced, drug-addict brother to eat.

Everytime I click over to that Clownhall piece, Microsoft Internet Explorer pukes and shuts down — thanks, MFST! I did glimpse it long enough to notice that the lesser’baugh looks like a cross between Ed McMahon and Bozo the Clown. Now, a person with such a visage might possess boundless wisdom, but it doesn’t inspire much confidence. Did Gavin Photoshop that in?

Everytime I click over to that Clownhall piece, Microsoft Internet Explorer pukes and shuts down — thanks, MFST!

Townhall’s a shitty site even apart from content. Maybe your IE’s fine. No reason to use IE any more though…

A Lesser Limbaugh? I have to say, that’s quite an accomplishment.

How do they know it was a Liberal who complained?

I plan on sodomizing the National Past Time later this week, right after I degrade an Xgiving turkey. In a couple of weeks I plan on taking lurid pictures of a Holiday Tree.

The good little fascists at Townhall are responding as you would expect in the comments:

Hardnox writes: Tuesday, November, 20, 2007 7:55 AM
Since we’re talking about Gays…

Time to lock and load.

My family once enchiladas for Thanksgiving. Does that make an enemy of freedom?

Lesly: “Misunderstanding,” you say? Silly goose! Why let accuracy get in the way of a sanctimonious wheezebox moment?

Also, as someone already pointed out: “The lesser Limbaugh”— now there’s a resume entry for ya.

jeebus, mantis, the comments are really that bad? I can’t bring myself to click over and look for myself. Not good for the blood pressure, not good at all.

I have a fifteen year old son. Over the years various people have tried to recruit him for the boy scouts. I always tell them that I won’t let him join (not that he ever wanted to join) because the boy scouts organization is “unamerican”. “Wha?” they gasp. “Yes, unamerican,” I reply. “They discriminate against gays and atheists. That’s unamerican, in my book.” The total flabbergast is priceless.

You know what I’m saying, America? Be a shame if that apple pie over there happened to meet with an accident, you know? If I just, I dunno, maybe HAPPENED TO TAKE A LITTLE BITE OUT OF IT WITH MY LIBERAL MOUTH? Just a little warning, is all….

OK, completely OT, but this video made me Ell Oh Ell. (NSFW language.)

Candy – not to mention the paramilitary bent of the organization.
I know that whereof I speak.

And by the look of him, Limbaugh Minor hasn’t ever passed a pie of any filling, sweet or savory, without doing it some serious damage.

Yes, kenga, definitely. I’ve always had an abhorrance for any kind of lock-step group think as well.

So… I guess Rush got all the looks in that family.

Huh.

That apple pie has had its eye on me for some time now. And I’m going to eat it over here so that all you Dhimmicrats can’t eat it over there.

Mmmmmm. Tastes like freedom.

I never did it with baked goods.

I never did it good baked.

There was a big boy scouts tent set up at the Autumn festival that I went to this year with a friend and his family in the Berkshires. We had a great time snubbing them. His aunt seethed, “Just keep walkin’ kids” as we all gave them hard look and strode past.

Besides, the fried dough with maple butter was on the other side of the festival.

My family once enchiladas for Thanksgiving. Does that make an enemy of freedom?

It certainly does. Fortunately I have Homeland Security on speed dial. You should have gone with pasta, which has recently been found to be American, although barely. Chinese food on Christmas is still highly questionable.

What, RB? Are you serious? I consider being baked as a precursor to doin’ it good!

I was in Boy Scouts my whole adolescent life. I’ll sum up my experience:

Killer camping trips.
Occasional thinly veiled homo-erotic bonding.
Associate scout master trying to save my soul from the devil because everyone knew I was the agnostic kid.

Our meetings were on Monday nights. One Monday, they told us that they might just not be there the next Monday, because the Rapture was predicted on that date. I’m not joking. That did some weird things to my young mind, I’ll tell you.

You really do grow up different in the Midwest. Tank Jeebus I’m Audi 5000!

In case of Rapture, I’ll be taking all of your good stuff.

Since we’re talking about boy scouts…
We need only to watch the participants at a boy scouts event to see how “Normal” they are.
What outsatnding examples of a “positive alternative lifestyle” they are.

Modified and enhanced for your reading pleasure.

Those people in that photo are pointing at something. I wonder what it is? Maybe it’s GW coming into to land on an aircraft carrier dressed in Condie’s thigh-high stilettos? Maybe Jonah Goldberg dressed up as the Goodyear blimp? Or a new Friday Pie Day at faf?

I guess we’ll never know.

What, RB? Are you serious?

Yes, actually. Pot makes me stupid and paranoid. You can insert “more” at some point in that sentence.

There’s also the shame of launching into some egghead rant and forgetting what you’re saying halfway through. Normal people can and do giggle this off and go get a Twinkie, but prolix jerks tend to take it badly.

I laugh now at a friend of mine who when we’d get stoned would tend to mishear anything at all as some kind of revelation about his mother but in the moment itself it was just scary and depressing.

Speaking of baked, I remember my boy scout camping trips from the seventies fondly.

What?

David is wrong because his brother is a prick.

They can only view it in political terms, through their perverse antiwar lenses.

How’d he know I was wearing my antiwar x-ray pervo glasses?!

I was in the Boy Scouts, but got kicked out for eating all the Brownies.

! SNAP !

Chinese food on Christmas is still highly questionable.

What??? Man, now the Israel lobby is gonna come down on you hard. Chinese food on Christmas is practically a Jewish sacrament!

Chinese food on Christmas is still highly questionable.

Someone needs to watch A Christmas Story a few hundred more times.

I was in the Boy Scouts, but I quit after a year. All we did was work on those badges, and it was goddamn boring. Plus, I got in trouble for not going to church. Scoutmaster basically said that they’d rather me not come back if I didn’t start going to church, and I decided being able to tie knots in unusual ways wasn’t worth that.

I decided being able to tie knots in unusual ways wasn’t worth that.

Oh the lessons we learn in later life.

Speaking of baked, I remember my boy scout camping trips from the seventies fondly.

I know a guy who as a yout’ got really baked at a Boy Scout jamboree.
At West Point.

Good times …

I am really hyper-active, so herb is my drug of choice.

did I say beer?

I am really hyper-active, so beer is my drug of choice.

did I say herb?

I am really hyper-active, so herb is my drug of choice…

I decided being able to tie knots in unusual ways wasn’t worth that.

I hear you – the scouts here are a more-or-less official arm of the Mormon church, and my parents stopped me from joining until I realized what it was and stopped myself.

About the knots, though – I wonder if church is where you learn to hogtie yourself? Along with the double wetsuit technique, that’s a very important religious skill.

Um…aren’t the Boy Scouts a completely private organization? When did they become the Official Keeper of American Masculinity (TM)?

When the (Episcopal) priests started monopolizing the altar boys. Seriously, once you’ve read some of Lord Baden-Powell’s paens to clean-limbed youths disporting themselves without shame in the virgin wilderness, or Teddy (the sissy) Roosevelt’s endorsements of LBP, you’ll understand that the pervy scoutmasters aren’t a bug, they’re a feature.

I will admit, I’ve targeted that apple pie for a long time. But I’m not going to shoot it. I am taking it out with my bare hands. Scout’s honor.

Be careful out there, Brammaged. The pies have eyes. Sharp ones.

Coming soon… a Greasemonkey script which detects pie-related comments and replaces the text with the words ‘I like trolls!’

If you thought there was a small chance that an apple pie was hidden in a box, wouldn’t you treat the box as if it held an apple pie, just in case?

Now I am hungry.

I dare say the overwhelming majority of Americans…

If he’s defining “Americans” as the kind of people who, say, live in the U.S., are white, have a lot of money or at least believe that people who do have a lot of money are inherently virtuous, are racist/xenophobe bigots, and are given to loud displays of patriotism, then I believe he’s right.

Though I’ve always wondered what the mathematical definition of an overwhelming majority is. Whenever I read that or vast majority, I always assume the speaker doesn’t know how many people actually support whatever it is, and is claiming it should be supported near-unanimously because they know best.

If you thought there was a small chance that an apple pie was hidden in a box

Er, Schroedinger’s Pie?

It’s both Apple and Pumpkin. AT THE SAME TIME!

Only by tasting it can you force it into a single state!

mikey

“I dare say the overwhelming majority of Americans would think that such demonstrations of support for America should be instinctive, uncontroversial and unquestionable.”

Is he referring to the patriotic Americans who roundly booed anti-American traitorous ass-hat Alberto Gonzales’s poorly attended speech at the University of Florida? Li’l Limbaugh is right! It should be instinctive and uncontroversial to boo skulking fascists when they give whiny but highly-paid speeches. If only the patriotic students had had patriotically rotten fruit to throw at the sweaty little liar.

Hubba hubba! The pies are out of the oven!

Apple pie tastes much better with a sharp Cheddar.

What the hell is a sharp eye, is it Greek or something? Oh, like pie-eyed? Or what?

Well, at least someone “put the kibosh” on someone. This needs to happen way more frequently, if you ask me.

Great link about the Mars Hill thing though, I’ve been looking for more books regarding these weird camps and this separatist subculture.

Actually, that article is rather tame compared to the crap I’ve been arguing in threads at various “counter-jihadi” blogs, not to mention the REALLY creepy comments left at LGFWatch by the Dymphnomaniac of Gates of Vienna. If you really want an “organization” to mock, check out the “Center for Vigilant Freedom”, fascism’s new rallying point. I know, I know, I used to write out of my ass before coming back to being myself, but seriously, some of these people went from patriotic to “off with their heads” in an alarmingly short amount of time, and with little help even from the Brothers Limbaugh. They exist in as much of a vacuum as the Jesus Campers, which is one reason for the change from Limbaugh’s view of the desire to just support the troops to a desire to use troops to start offing minorities.

mikey: I think Larkspur is referring to this.

Cast a sharp eye
On apple, on pumpkin.
Horseman, eat pie!

Wow, MzNicky.

Um, thanks?

Y’know, I suppose it’s no secret that I hate these christian taliban fascists with every fiber of my being, but truth to tell I pretty much keep my distance. As old Billy used to say, I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

So every now and then I follow a link like yours here and BAM! it just slaps me in the face what inhuman bastards these christianist fuckwads are. I don’t like their book, I don’t like their angry, petty, not-overly-bright godlet, and most of all I don’t like their sanctimony.

So I must high away over to pharyngula to clear the stench of institutionalized dominance and hatred out of my sinuses. But as long as that idiot booger doesn’t come back around here with his banal fatuity, I’ll be back!

mikey

It’s amazing how a dishonest turd like Limbaugh can characterize “not giving SPECIAL RIGHTS to the Scouts by allowing them to rent a building for $1, FAR BELOW ITS FREE MARKET VALUE” into “discriminating against the Scouts in violation of the law.” And the disciples will eat it right the fuck up. Unless that $1 rental price is available to everyone, it isn’t available to anyone, dicksmacks.

and I decided being able to tie knots in unusual ways wasn’t worth that.

Hey, Matt, a man who has Fearsome Rope Skillz is always welcome down this end of town.

What?

So this last Memorial Day, I took the kiddies around to the other side of the block ot watch our community parade. Really nice little parade with all the usual: fire trucks, police, neighborhood organizations, the football team, swim team, etc. The boy scouts (who have been after my 7 and 9 year old for a couple years) came walking down the street and one boy loudly announces “we’ve ran (sic) out of candy!”. to which I proclaim “Hey, what about alwaysw being prepared?”

I thought a couple of the scout dads were going to jump me. got a good hyuck from the assembled crowd though.

I don’t support them due to their God-speak and their position on Homosexuals. Additionally, the fact that the Mormons are running the thing, and that the federal gov’t is halfway funding them, I’m not going to subject my boys to it. I did it for too long.

I don’t know anything about Boy Scouts of today. My own son was too busy skateboarding and cutting school and smoking pot in the basement to do anything so way-uncool. But maybe it’s just as well? cuz the guys I know of who were BS leaders were either scary ex-Green berets or just a leetle too into the whole thing for my mommy comfort level. I’m starting to think maybe my intuition was correct. Plus my son was a pothead slacker so no worry there anyway.

You raise ’em right, like MzNicky there, and they are simply not vulnerable to the fascist messages of hate and divisiveness.

Plus, getting high and fucking around is WAY more fun than catechism…

mikey

So I’ve always thought that Rush Limbaugh’s effusive praise for his brother David might be a little handicapping, and now I know I’m right. David Limbaugh is a fucking idiot who needs his brother to help him piss straight. Jesus.

Hey, MzNicky, if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve never lived in Tennessee (you are in TN, right?), I’d swear my son has spent some quality time hanging out with your son. Mine’s 20 now and a very cool person. My hunch is that yours is as well.

Hey, dumbhead, if you are gonna worry about American symbols, how abot this one: THE U.S. DOLLAR!!!
somebody burned a good quadrajillion in a far away desert, turning the greenback into a global joke and you are worrying about apple pie…

Fermi, I like to have a helping of potato plancks, then enjoy a piece of delicious schrodinger pie.

Limbaugh is right to worry, just last week in our neighborhood there was an attack on apple pie, the police suspects two sushi rolls. then, where my cousin lives it’s not safe anymore for apple pies to be on the streets after sunset: it’s full of undocumented burritos. The good news where I live is that we haven’t had any falafels move-in, unlike some of the big cities.
Stay Alert!

Smiling Mortician: Yes I am a resident of the glorious border state of Tennessee. If your son has reached the ripe old age of 20 and was a slacker dude during the late 90s-early ’00s and is healthy and happy and you’re still speaking to each other, I’d say you did a superb job. My “boy” is now 25 and a wonderful human being and we’re very close, and while deep down I’m actually glad he’ll never be a corporate lawyer scumbag plastic jerk, I would like to see his career goals at some point include more than becoming a professional poker player and delivering pizza in the meantime. Whadda ya gonna do.

and mikey: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I dunno. Probably never will.

From the keyboard of mikey: “banal fatuity.” Nice turn o’ phrase there! Sums a lot of it up.

Damn, Bouffant. That just makes me glow.

I’m regularly in WAY over my head here, with my cali public high school diploma, but I love to read, and I love the language, and if I can even run in the same pack as you alpha dogs, I feel like maybe I got somewhere after all…

mikey

Apple pie as a species is in danger when Fats Limbaugh and his sidekick Butterbaugh are targeting it. Do not mistake it, that 55 inch sansabelt equater did not get on Fats by walking the course carrying his own bag. No, thats the product of eating apple pies the way a normal person would eat a cookie.

mikey, the formal education stuff is crap. I went to first, second & part of third grade, was home-schooled until the last 1/3 of sixth grade, did go to the same ritzy prep school in Seattle that Paul Allen & Bill Gates attended from seventh to tenth grade (that was probably a lot like a low-grade college education) part of eleventh grade in Paris (another ritzy school) no senior yr. of high school at all, & was kicked out of three institutions of higher learning for not bothering to attend class. I’m too smart for my own good, combined w/ reading like nobody’s business, which you’ve done a bit of too, right?

And you seem to be able to hold a job, despite what sounds like a doctorate from the School of Hard Knocks, which puts you way ahead of me.

They weren’t enchiladas for Thanksgiving, they were little blankets of freedom filled with the glory of the glare of a million shining American Flag lapel pins. So you’re good to go.

As weird and wrecked as it’s been known to get, if I don’t take care of me, there just ain’t anybody else gonna sign up for the job.

I’ve lived outdoors and crapped without the benefit of a toilet. I’m not willing to go there again. So, options narrow, and choices are only presented as available to the people who play the game. And I most emphatically do NOT play the game….

mikey

They’ll be accusing us of f***ing apple pies next — at least until one of their congressmen, preachers, and/or radio hosts gets caught doing it. Then apple pie f***ing will magically become an act of deepest patriotic devotion.

Don’t forget the Pauli exclusion pies(You can only eat one at a time), along with the Heisenberg dinner settings(if you can find them).

Liberals already screwed apple pie. Hasn’t tasted anywhere near as good as it did before those nanny-staters took the darn Alar out.

PS: Hi mikey. Sorry I sprung the pie-in-a-box reference on ya.

So what the City of Philly does is HIllary’s fault?

And, yes, Phil, apparently taking away an organization’s unfairly favorable special treatment = VICTIMIZING THEM!

MZNicky: “I don’t know anything about Boy Scouts of today.”

I can’t say I know much either, though I maintain that moving HQ to Texas has soiled the organization.
I was involved for many years, as were my father and grand-father.
Mind you, it was in MA, where practically every other church is a UU, which undoubtedly has an influence, especially when it’s those churches hosting the Scout troops, and UU parents leading the volunteer efforts.
But for our guys, it was a good time, and for many it was a sanctuary from imperfect home and school lives.
Helps if the leaders don’t have their heads up their asses.

Our troop and a couple of sister(heh) troops have produced an unlikely number of doctors, educators, non-coms, and generally decent compassionate people. Again, the culture that the local organizations function in has a huge influence.
Fer instance, a family friend had his Eagle ceremony in the UU(pure UU) church that sponsored the troop – presided over by the UU minister and one of the speakers was his gay Eagle Scout uncle who spoke about the bigotry coming out of BSA HQ, and how happy he was that his nephew and other Scouts in the area were bucking the trend.

Or the parent, at a parents’ meeting, who shut down a jerk who wanted to be the Scoutmaster.
Jerk: I want the younger kids, so I can mold them and shape them to be the kind of kids I want in my troop, obedient, etc etc.
Parent: Ah! Mein Kampf! Not with my kids, jerk.
Jerk decided to form his own troop, which didn’t work out so well.

I’d say don’t write them off automatically, but be skeptical. Slacker pot-heads can get to be pretty good at helping little old ladies across the street, so long as they’re not being overseen by fascists.

Apple pie tastes much better with a sharp Cheddar.

That sounds really good. Now I want to try it right now. No, I don’t have the munchies.

As for my experience with the Boy Scouts in the Midwest, the adult supervision mostly spent the meetings and camping trips segregated from the youths. More ‘we’re over here if someone puts an eye out or otherwise needs to go to the emergency room’ than ‘now, let’s go tie half a dozen knots and then we’ll patrol the campsite again before dark, and then at dawn we’ve set up a five-mile orienteering course and a flag ceremony followed by uniform inspections’. Which I felt was the right decision, despite any creepy Lord of the Flies reenactments that may or may not have occurred.

Um, isn’t apple pie meant to be cut up into pieces and eaten?

Clearly, you never saw the first American Pie movie…

apple pie better be keeping a sharp eye

Objectively anti-Tom Sawyer.

God, I’ve got a fafblog jones going now.

mikey, you’ve definitely got the chops. If you’re already a self-starter, about the only useful thing the parchement factories can do for you is make you appreciate the the importance of studying shit that is on the far end of your personal don’t like/hate spectrum. Seems like you’ve got that down.

Mz Nicky, My son was in Cub Scouts in Memphis and even that was too Nazi-like for the two of us. He quit and eventually became a pot-smoking slacker. Lots more fun. Now he’s 35, married, holds down a decent job, and still smokes pot. Not a fascist, though. More an anarchist.
And Righteous, I have a friend who gave up pot because it made him “scared and hungry.”

ignobility: Memphis? Really? The ol’ ball & chain is from Memphis. (We’re in Knoxville; east Tennessee is practically a different state from west, as you may know.) I was just chatting a day or so ago on another thread about his Elllllllvis experiences growing up in Memphis.

Anyway — thanks for sharing your experience. Glad your son’s a lover not a fighter, and employed besides. It gives me hope.