Barry Bonds = A Ham Sandwich
Posted on November 16th, 2007 by D. Aristophanes
Might as well pre-empt the hatas by posting this first. The Home Run King got indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges.
Discuss how this bad, bad man has destroyed all that is good and innocent and Cracker Jacks in the world. Extra credit: The disappearance of the honeybees … climate change or Barry Bonds?
Sucks for him.
Well, Barry Bonds is African-American – therefore he must be responsible for the disappearance of the honeybees, climate change AND Bill O’ Reilly being initially uncomfortable in Harlem restaurants.
I’m kind of a baseball purist. So racists like Ty Cobb, drunks like Babe Ruth, and gamblaholics like Pete Rose should be in.
Not sure about Barry yet. On the one hand, you still have to put a round bat on a round ball and hit it square, which I’m not sure any drug could enhance; OTOH, jeez, what a dick and cheater!
Seriously a tough issue for me. I don’t care about Barry being a dick, really, imagining for myself what it would be like to have cameras and mikes in my face 24/7/365. OTOH, how many injuries for him did the steroids quicken his recovery?
I guess in the end I could live with anything, Bonds-wise.
Can I get some more motherfuckin’ steroids?!
He’s a fraud and they nailed him on it, what else is there to say?
Well, other than, Go Dodgers!
Let’s see what they got. Even with eyeball testimony, they’ll have to get a jury to buy it. The jury might be seriously anti-bonds, but without ANY real evidence (you know, possesion, positive tests, shipping records) it’s gonna be hard to prove.
See, in order to prove he lied, they have to prove he USED. And, therein, my friends, continues to be the rub. Could they just be bringing pressure to force a plea agreement? Or, after a couple YEARS of investigation, and not one but TWO grand juries, do they alluva sudden find themselves holding a smoking gun?
You’ll forgive me if I wait to see how this plays out…
mikey
I think Anderson might have flipped. The feds don’t like to indict unless they think they have an airtight case, generally speaking.
OTOH, there’s been a lot of public pressure to nail Bonds, so maybe that rule-of-thumb doesn’t apply here.
Is it too early to suggest water-boarding?
Still think he has a good case for being in the HOF. If he had been some no-name, going from 40 HRs, that’s one thing. But Bonds was arguably one of the top five players in the sport even before the steroids controversy.
Did it enhance his performance? Yeah, 99+% probably so. How much? Would he have had a HOF career even without the outside help? 90+% probably so.
And that’s what makes this story suck to the nth degree. He didn’t NEED the crap. And, yes, it taints the sport.
And if that’s what keeps him out, he has no one but himself to blame.
It’s a drag to think that, without honeybees, huge portions of our eco-system will collapse due to lack of plant pollenation. OTOH, they sting and annoy picnickers.
according to NPR on the way home from the office this afternoon, they said they had failed tests in hand, so the evidence is more than just hearsay or eyewitness, possibly coerced or otherwise biased testimony.
My only question is, are the bees aiding the terrorists or are the terrorists the ones killing the bees? I could see both arguments.
I think it’s pretty clear: Bonds either used steroids and/or Human-growth Hormone…or he should be one of the X-Men.
I mean, the guy’s grown 3 hat sizes since 2000, and shoe size increased by 1 1/2 inches.
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,660200642,00.html
!!!
That said, I don’t know if I consider that cheating. Taking drugs to improve your performance may not be the wisest thing for your overall health; but it’s his business…
Of course, if he did promise he wouldn’t take the drugs and then he did, that does mean he broke his word and contract.
…Thus I successfully come out on all sides of the issue…
Barry who?
Sorry, I haven’t been following all this.
Houston on fire! Will history blame me – or the bees!!
I agree with jim, but I have to admit think jim also raises a valid point.
I think, that is
It’s that decadent bee lifestyle: Penthive, Buzzler, Playbee, Gay Bees in Bondage. I could go on and on…
ZOMG! Overload. Pleasure overload! Quick, someone pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming!!!
It’s that decadent bee lifestyle: Penthive, Buzzler, Playbee, Gay Bees in Bondage. I could go on and on…
They must beepent and bee saved
If it were not for Barry Bonds there would be no war or bad people
signed
Bug Selig, age 5
And after they beepent, they must be beeptized in the honey of the Lord. Then they can be properly beetrothed to Jesus.
Barry Bonds – because in 20 years somebody’s going to need to replace OJ.
Nobody gives a shit about baseball.
Fortunately, Beesus Christ forgives all sins. Why, even the beegist sinner could one day be bee-atified by Pope Beenidict XVI
Might as well pre-empt the hatas by posting this first. Water is wet. Bonds juiced and lied about it. The Giants won’t win the Series next year, either. I just wonder if they’ll let him hide behind his crying son on this witness stand or just on the way in and out of the courthouse.
Bud Selig stopped being cute at age 4.
OTOH, there’s been a lot of public pressure to nail Bonds, so maybe that rule-of-thumb doesn’t apply here.
Uh, what public pressure? Loud-mouthed (redundant, I know) sports radio squawkers?
What most gets me w/ Barry Bonds is that it’s accepted public knowledge that he’s the biggest dick in sports, if not the world, ‘roids or not. Unfortunately, this is a perception based entirely on how the sports media (coverage in the non-Toy Department media is no doubt influenced by their fellow employees down the hall) covers him, & since he doesn’t kow tow to the jock media, they treat him as the world’s worst human being. And he may not be.
But he was never caught using by MLB, & it wasn’t against MLB rules when his head was expanding, IIRC (remember when expanding your mind & drugs meant something different?) so why shouldn’t he be in the Hall?
Now I see (always read all the comments before posting) that he may have failed tests. So who knows?
Aristophanes & B. S. Rocket, etc., stop being such homers. There’s a world-wide audience here, not just your bastions of gay liberality, Frisco* & Beantown. Trying to prove something, you two, w/ all your manly sports talk?
*Yes I’m a native, I say that to shock & offend. And because I’m a sexist pig, I’ll add that Ann Althouse is a…oh, why bother. She’s humourless, & none of us here are funny, & we’re just a cesspool of hatred, encouraging each other to be hateful. I’m sure no one here has ever cried at a tree.
perjury and obstruction of justice?… hmmm….
that’s serious stuff.
A guy cannot lie and obstruct justice on matters of whether he mutiliated his body in order to be better at hitting a ball with a stick. That’s un-American and he must go to jail!!!!!
(Now, if only he would lie and obstruct justice on whether high-ranking offcials broke the law in order to retaliate against legitimate scepticism of their policy… well, you can’t go to jail for that, that would be waaaay cruel…)
Richard Widmark in ‘The Swarm’ not as hap’nin as Richard Widmark pushing a wheelchair-bound Chuckie Hammer of Kraut down the fucking stairs to hell.
A guy cannot lie and obstruct justice on matters of whether he mutiliated his body in order to be better at hitting a ball with a stick. That’s un-American and he must go to jail!!!!!
Nor can a guy lie & obstruct whether he mutilated a cigar in someone else’s body for a cheap thrill, either.
Well aren’t we all just little rays of sunshine this evening.
RETARDO,
It’s been a few years, but the glorious news about Saint Barry just reached me, and right away I thought of you and tracked down your new location. As you recall, Bill James called me all sorts of names in print for daring to use his own data to show why Barry had to be artificially enhanced. I was always rooting for The Union at BTF.
Best,
Michael
Bonds’ attorney Michael Rains blows some smoke and buys some time (from the San Jose Mercury News):
It was an e-filing (pdf), available to all, including the indictee’s attorney.
This long-time Giants fan is looking forwards to next year! Every single time you mention you’re a Giant’s fan you get the, “how can you root for the team of that cheater?”
Finally…FINALLY, it will simple be, “how can you root for such a bad team?”
I’m seriously so excited. I bleed orange & black.
today i was in the car with my boss and i noticed he had a.m. radio on (which made me kind of nervous because a.m. talk radio is generally a smorgasboard of crazy) and when i started listening, i heard them going ON AND ON AND ON about lying to a grand jury and obstruction of justice and things of that nature, and i was certain they were talking about scooter libby or tom delay or john doolittle or someone else whose crimes/alleged crimes really matter…but it was bonds.
The good news is that Bonds will be a mere after-thought once A-Rod breaks all of this records … in Pin Stripes.
The Home Run King got indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges.
Clearly America is a country in which lying under oath is seen as unforgivable and prosecuted as such.
He was also responsible for the cancellation of Star Trek.
funny that they got him on the same type of charges that Scooter Libby went to the bench for. Wonder if GWB will commute the sentence if he’s found guilty?
More importantly, who really gives a fuck? It’s a fucking GAME. All you sports-sucking idiots sit there wishing you had big (or functional) penises, sucking up beers and cheering your local teams on, while the world around you burns. And you pay good money for the distraction from your pathetic lives, which pays for the exorbitant salaries of these goofballs you worship.
Sick.
kodos423 said,
November 16, 2007 at 4:54
He was also responsible for the cancellation of Star Trek.
Praise Beejesus!
Blender said,
November 16, 2007 at 5:09
Somebody got picked last.
Was a blue dress involved?
Speakin’ of sammiches…
Congressman Mark Souder (R-Asshole)
Unfortunately for us, that’s not true. Fortunately for us, most of the people who do care are wankers and dipshits.
[aside: sure, it’d probably be better in some ways if we just decriminalized and regulated steroid use in professional sports. Same with cannabis. But it will absolutely never, ever happen because people are fucked up about these sort of things.]
By the time Bonds is tried, convicted and sentenced, George W. Bush could be the new Commissioner of Baseball.
He’ll commute the sentence, fast-track Bonds into the Hall of Fame and award him the Medal of Freedom.
He was also responsible for the cancellation of Star Trek.
They cancelled Star Trek?
Sorry, I haven’t been following all this.
Bonds sucks. He cheated and lied. Fuck him.
Not sure if I’m a wanker or dipshit. Though in the grand scheme of things I don’t care about baseball that much. No more than some wankers and dipshits care about world of warcraft or Star Drek.
Here’s something that includes baseball. I think it’s fine.
I’ll care as soon as someone can explain to me why the goddamned Federal government is investigating anything the MLB does outside of money laundering or something actually against Federal law.
I’ll care as soon as someone can explain to me why the goddamned Federal government is investigating anything the MLB does outside of money laundering or something actually against Federal law.
I’ll drink to that.
The use/distribution of steroids (or any controlled substance) is a federal crime. It’s a class III controled substance, actually.
True. Additionally, I’ll put money on Bonds pleading to get out of having to go through the whole trial thing.
I think Bonds is too heavily invested in the myth of his martyrdom to plead out.
You know those stories where people go to jail for doing something really, really stupid? Like calling the police to report the theft of their drugs? Or driving drunk to their DUI court hearing?
I always wonder what these people tell their cell mates. Like, you’re going to be living with someone for the next 7+ days, you don’t want them to think you’re a complete idiot. Additionally, you don’t want tell anyone anything that might endanger your post-incarceration life. Are you really going to tell ‘Brock’ that your in the can for tax evasion on your diamond store? Even after he told you he’s in for armed robbery?
This is why I think the Bonds situation is ironic. What’s he going to say to his cell mate? “I was making a shit-ton of money for playing a game. Then, I got busted for cheating in the game and convicted. Also, I could have retired whenever, and I probably spent more money on a Saturday than you ever had in a month.” That’s going to make him look arrogant and like a prime target for extortion.
Anyways, just musing.
It was an e-filing (pdf), available to all, including the indictee’s attorney
A lot of attorneys are “technotards” who can’t open pdfs without help from their legal secretaries.
From allegation 3: “[Anderson]: obtained illegal drugs for later distribution to his clients (including professional athletes); “
Wonder how long this will last if it is discovered that the “illegal drugs” were manufactured by a company selling “food supplements” in Utah, which industry Orrin Hatch has fought to protect.
And why the hell are my tax dollars funding a DoJ witchhunt against a professional athlete who cheats, while a professional asshole on drugs has killed –what’s the body count now?– to prove that his codpiece wasn’t really stuffed with dirty gym socks.
Hey, Michael!!! Good to “see” you again! Glad you stopped by!!
Yes, I remember that — good times, my friend!
There’s a scorching thread over at BTF right now. The glibertarian nutjobs who *lurve* their cheating Randroid Ubermensch are crying and I’m there collecting their delicious, salty tears!!!
This, I hope, is a start to the restoration of decent baseball — a Landis moment where the frauds and cheaters are put in their place. If Bonds is conclusively destroyed by this, as all decent people hope he must be, then the sooner that he and his cheating peers are denied entrance to the HoF, and maybe just maybe, non-cheaters like Maris and especially poor Henry Aaron (whose brave endurance of racism the sheltered and spoiled Bonds has cynically tried to claim inheritance to) have their records restored.
This is the finger of baseball being raised and inching closer to the “reboot” button; for the longterm good of the game, and for the not incidental concern of cosmic justice, I hope all the dirt comes out w/Mitchell’s report and the pending Bonds trial.
I’m sooooooooooo freakin happy I’m hopping up and down in my living room. This is the baseball equivalent of George Bush getting impeached and thrown into jail. The most despicable human being in his profession getting his comeupance.
It’s times like this, when justice is served, that I almost start to consider theism. Almost!!!
Enjoy your vindication, Michael. You’ve fought a good fight!
Okay, I just saw this:
WTF>!> Isn’t this the guy that intentionally forgot to remember which speakers were fondling the pages? Or did she just say this to bump up the civilitude of D.C.? Does Broder publish columns on a particular day of the week, or just whenever something like this happens?
Ron Paul believes that steroid use should be up to individual users.
I believe this eclipses any wrongs by Barry. Sadly, even Bridge players are attacking Bush in public now, using the backs of menus to do so. Tsk.
Ron Paul believes that steroid use should be up to individual users.
Uh, well, it is.
And it’s also up to the governing bodies of athletic leagues to decide whether to allow steroid users to compete in their league.
Since I know as little about baseball as it is possible for someone living in the United States, I can state without fear that this is all going to turn out to be Dubya’s fault.
It would be even better if the stupid putz had gotten his dream job and was already the Baseball Commisar, or whatever they call what “Budselig” is failing to do, because then Dubya would be connected even more intimately to this scandal, but at least we can all start calling it “Dubya’s juicing scandal” the way people once referred to “LBJ’s war”.
And of course it preserves GWB’s perfect lifetime Reverse-Midas record: Whatever he touches turns to shite, in the most public and damaging and dispiriting way possible.
Read charge #9
Plus, isn’t this the guy who trotted out (son/prop) Nikolai during at least one press conference defending himself against the slings and arrows of the BALCO issues? Who about a decade earlier petitioned a judge for a reduction in child support payments during the strike year? What a class guy Barry is.
Anyway, I’ve been waiting for Bonds’ departure, graceful or (preferably) otherwise, so that I can have another Bay-Area team to root for besides the soon-to-be Fremont A’s (*sob*)
I don’t pay much attention to baseball, but if upper-body bulk is what hitting home runs is all about, why are all of the really big guys playing football instead of baseball, where the money is much better?
Eye for 1 will be consumed by this Bonds issue until all that is swell is restored.
Okay, I”ll dig on steroids somehow equal a methlab, but still, I recall congressional hearings. I mean, jaywalking is illegal, but you don’t usually hear about a State Supreme Court hearing the case.
Just a few thoughts….
1) Race is involved here. In the US, race is always involved. But this is not, nor has it ever been, entirely about race. Mark McGwire’s reputation was (rightly in my opinion) ruined by the fact that he used steroids and then stonewalled Congress. Bonds’s reputation deserves to be mud, too.
2) Baseball explicitly banned steroids in 1991 when Commissioner Fay Vincent outlawed their use. So while the “it wasn’t against the rules” defense might work for the early days of the Bash Brothers in Oakland, it doesn’t work for Bonds (or for anyone else using after 1991). Using steroids is cheating. People who cheat at sports deserve no respect. I don’t care how ungodly talented they are.
3) Barry Bonds is, and always has been, an incredible dick. If he didn’t cheat, I wouldn’t care one bit about that. I’d just be incredibly impressed at his ability to play the game. But he did cheat.
4) In general, violations of the law that have nothing to do with what goes on in the game don’t matter much to my evaluation of someone as a ball player (it’s like dickishness, as far as I’m concerned). In this case, however, the violation that Bonds has been indicted on involves throwing sand in the face of the folks trying to clean up baseball. In addition to being a cheater, Bonds is also baseball’s Scooter Libby. It’s a nice addition to his resume.
5) The person I hold most responsible for the depths to which baseball fell in the steroid era is, of course, Bud Selig. I’d love to see him indicted (RICO would be nice). But that’s about as likely to happen as Giants fans fairly evaluating Barry Bonds’s achievements.
6) One way or another, especially with this added bit of toxicity keeping teams like the Angels away from him, Barry Bonds will never win a World Series ring. This fills me with great joy.
Me: You have to have serious hand-eye coördination to hit the ball at all. If you’re a side of beef as well, all the better, but size alone is not the determinant. As many a human female will tell you. Heh heh.
Mr. Mencken, sir: Easy there. Take a deep breath, bond (bad choice of word?) w/ your new feline friends, it’s merely a game. There’s little or no cosmic justice involved.
Oh man. The plaintive cry of the penis-impaired.
Cosmic justice pervades all things, even baseball. So burn, Bonds, burn.
Bonds started using ‘roids because he wanted to be loved like Sosa and McGwire. Funny how that turned out. All three are pariahs now.
Barry Bonds cannot equal a ham sandwich.
The reason? The only injection my ham sandwich has had is water.
Killing dogs is part of our culture, y’understand? It’s a southern thing. You wouldn’t understand. You care more about some dog than a black man? Well fuck you. Southern man don’t need you around anyhow.
Every time you talk about about steroids, the Baby Jesus cries.
That said, I don’t know if I consider that cheating. Taking drugs to improve your performance may not be the wisest thing for your overall health; but it’s his business…
—
Really. So what about 15 year old kids taking anabolic steroids before a junior high school ? Just their bizness ?
b-bear said,
November 16, 2007 at 3:43
Barry Bonds – because in 20 years somebody’s going to need to replace OJ.
—
Well that’s really stupid, given that one person committed a double murder.
I mean, jaywalking is illegal, but you don’t usually hear about a State Supreme Court hearing the case.
—
Because jaywalking is a misdemeanor and ergo, they don’t convene grand juries on it. Sale and distribution of steroids without a prescription is a felony. It’s nice to see the total ignorance of the legal system here.
And why the hell are my tax dollars funding a DoJ witchhunt against a professional athlete who cheats, while a professional asshole on drugs has killed –what’s the body count now?– to prove that his codpiece wasn’t really stuffed with dirty gym socks. — Ruthie.
—
According to Ruthie, the entire legal system of the United States and all 500,000 federal, state, county, city and town law enforcement investigators must all focus on one case at a time.
BALCO was a criminal enterprise. The founder, Victor Conte, pleaded guilty to money laundering and illegal steroid distribution. When called as a witness, Bonds repeatedly lied to the grand jury.
He didn’t get indicted for using steroids. He got indicted for obstructing a criminal investigation. When you get on the stand and lie your ass off to a grand jury, the Feds don’t like that. Ask Lewis “Scooter” Libby about that one.
And hello to Michael Humphries. Don’t know if you (or Retardo) are still reading this thread, but I would love to read the correspondence between you and Bill James. I love Bill James, but he was dead wrong once before about a very similar controversy: the Pete Rose lifetime ban. James was a fierce critic of the Dowd Report, which basically turned out to be right on the money. Is your back-and-forth with Bill available anywhere? I did some Googling but couldn’t find it.
Ok I have a compromise but I’m not sure it will be too popular.
Start with banning the use until age 40 for players. Any player that makes it to 40 and is still going deserves an extention.
Anybody younger caught juicing is out. Period.
Think of the benefits.
1. Kids know they gotta be good at the game before they get a chance to rage.
2. Pros will instantly know who is buzzing.
3. Think of the Temper Tantrums 40 year old ball players can throw!
and on a more gruesome note, every home run could result in burst artery and a really long 6th inning.
Anyway just some ideas on how to make ‘personal choice’ work for everyone.
So, reading the indictment … can anybody find any actual evidence that Barry Bonds lied? Like, where are the tapes, the videos, the signature on the document that says, “I, Barry Bonds, of free will and conscious mind accept these steroids (which are illegal and against baseball rules) so that I may inject them into my ass.” … ???? where’s that evidence or any evidence that he perjured himself?
With half-ass counsel he is sooo walking on this.
I just read the indictment. The lies were before the grand jury. That testimony is transcribed by a court reporter. No tapes or videos needed. Nor does a conviction require that Bonds signed anything saying he wouldn’t take the stuff.
The count where he is accused of lying when he said he didn’t know he was taking steroids is fairly weak because the prosecution has to prove what Bonds knew about the shit that Anderson was giving him. He’ll likely be acquitted on that count.
Two of the other counts, though, are probably going to be supported by Anderson’s testimony — namely the count involving the testimony where Bonds said Anderson never gave him anything to inject and the testimony that Anderson first gave him the “flaxseed oil cream” in 2002 or 2003
Personally, I think it will be the needle business that sinks him.
DA,
Where did Barry Bonds lie? Look again at the indictment. His lies are underlined. That’s not just Feds styling with a yellow marker. They have Greg Anderson nailing Bonds on every point. Bonds’ entire defense is that he never knowingly took steroids. The only way Bonds walks on this is through a plea deal, and it’s going to take a fully assed counsel to get him there.
I always liked that Bonds treats the sporting press with the disdain they deserve. They’re the original wingnuts. And is he really any bigger a dick than any other jock? I’m thrilled A-Rod’s staying a Yankee, despite him being a greedy primadonna headcase, bradrocket (rightly) reveres Schilling, who actively campaigned for Bush in the autumn of hel and generally won’t shut upl, and etcetcetc. Your favorite sports hero is/was an asshole, too.
Which is not to say Bonds didn’t cheat, although MLB really had more of a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy than an outright ban under Selig, after the strike when attendance was skyrocketing.
And, as others have more or less said already, couldn’t they have been investigating a corrupt member of the gubbermint or two instead? Or at least finding a way to put Ben Affleck in jail for something?
*autumn of hell* The second L ended up a few words away. I’m about to crash after an unproductive all-nighter.
My girl said it best:
If he got the full 30 years, he would die in jail.
How sad is that (or not)?
Bonds been Barry Barry bad for beisbol.
By the time Bonds is tried, convicted and sentenced, George W. Bush could be the new Commissioner of Baseball.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s one thing to ruin America and destabilize the world, but there is no way in HELL I’m going to stand by and watch that idiot ruin baseball.
And is Judge Ito available for this trial? Because I think that would really bring the country together again.
Uhm, I was told there would be ham sandwiches here?
If he’s such a big dick, I think his defense should be that he thought he was taking daily mega-doses of Cialis.
“Wonder if GWB will commute the sentence if he’s found guilty?”
There’s still time for Bonds to convert to White Republicanism before the conviction, I’m sure.
Failing that, he can always try to explain that he took steroids so that he could hit suspected terrorists really, really hard. That would make it a national security matter, and Senator Feinstein would probably endorse a bill for retroactive immunity for Bonds and all the other steroids-taking terrorist fighters in MLB.
If Bonds lied to the grand jury he has to get punished. Bottom line.
However, I am NOT in favor of any retroactive punishment or banishment of his records. The whole idea is absurd. The NCAA does it and according to official records the “Fab 5” Michigan team never made it to 2 straight NCAA championship games. Minnesota didn’t didnt reach the Final Four. Except of course, they did. It’s Orwellian.
Better for the MLB, the most history-obsessive sporting league, to have the embarrassment and shame of its “home run king”, however temporary that may be, being known as a massive cheater. The guy was injecting a CVS pharmacy into his ass and everyone clapped. Hopefully next time they will give a shit. Even of Lightning Rod breaks his record it is likely his single season record will stay on the books forever. Good.
I am, however, in favor of keeping Bonds out of the Hall of Fame. That is the most, IMO, that can be done within the confines of baseball.
I and the rest of the Royal Rooters say banish Barry and all mention of his achievements from the record books. Asterisks? Forget it. Expunge him from history!
This parrot has ceased to be!
Nuff Ced!
(Of course, if he was a member of the Red Sox, I might feel differently).
Barry Bonds is a big scary black man who makes the baby Jesus cry.
And, as others have more or less said already, couldn’t they have been investigating a corrupt member of the gubbermint or two instead?
ADB, I repeat: BALCO WAS A CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE. A highly lucrative criminal enterprise, at that. They were selling controlled substances illegally and laundering the money. Maybe you don’t want the Feds investigating organized crime, but I dunno, I always kind of thought that was their job.
This was not a Barry Bonds witch hunt. Barry got involved with some bad people, bought illegal drugs from them, lied about it, then perjured himself to a grand jury. Maybe choosing to live his life as a lying, cheating, egomaniacal asshole wasn’t the best choice.
They have Greg Anderson nailing Bonds on every point.
So we know for a fact that Anderson flipped? And seriously, this whole indictment is going to be over he-said, he-said?
I’ve had a change of heart. While things don’t look good for Barry right now, I believe future generations will look back and appreciate him for the hero he is.
I believe they will look back and find that his body, especially his head, enlarged because of elephantitis, not illegal injections of HGH.
I believe they will find that his power numbers jumped exponentially in his mid-30s because he was a late bloomer.
I believe it will be discovered that his first wife and his mistress actually fell down stairs or walked into doors and that they will recant their false accusations against Barry.
I also believe the Barry’s teamates, who almost universally revile him as a locker-room cancer, will confess that they were all just jealous of his greatness.
Lastly I believe, that upon reviewing a previously undiscovered VHS tape, the Commissioner will rule that Bonds did, in fact, throw Sid Bream out.
bonds has been great for baseball. no one gave a shit that he and mcgwire and sosa looked like circus freaks with backne and no necks and prognathous shoulders.
no one gives a shit about perjury either–no one gives a shit about being busted perjuring when the case involved someone trying to save us from iranian nukes after all (though “scooter” libby was a .330 hitter most of his career and a solid middle infielder).
baseball needed a home run boost–it was complicit in allowing this madness, and the fans lapped it up like the dumb whores they are. everyone gets what they deserve.
barry bonds should go into the steroid hall of fame–built next to cooperstown, three times bigger than the regular one and casting a looming shadow over same.
Take a look at the questions included in the indictment and the way they’re phrased. Whoever’s asking them is working with specific, previously obtained information, and Bonds’ testimony clashes against it, repeatedly. Whatever this evidence is, the US attorneys do not have to include it in the indictment.
J, we’ll see. Anderson’s lawyer says he didn’t flip, btw. And the grand jury was set to expire, so maybe the feds took a flyer on this one, knowing they’d never get another shot at Bonds.
I mean, why now?
I had never heard the little tidbit about his head growing bigger. That is awesome.
Why now? To distract from the large gold statue of Dig ‘Em that Mayor West had built with taxpayer money!
As Nico points out over on AthleticsNation (the Oakland A’s blog), isn’t it convenient that they issue this indictment after Bonds has earned baseball millions of dollars in his successful pursuit of the career homerun record?
All the “OMG why did it take four years” stuff, and the conspiracy theories about why the feds took so long, is really driving me nuts.
Consider how the feds do on high-profile cases vs. the states. The feds move slow. They are meticulous. They have the resources, attorney longevity, and patience to make an investigation last years. They use that time to lock in testimony in the grand jury, get every frigging document in the world that might relate, and flip people against each other (often in a long chain of A against B against C against D, which can take years). That’s their competitive advantage, and it would be stupid to squander it just because the target is a hot-button target on talk radio some week.
Doesn’t anyone remember how for years people were whining about how DoJ would never indict Ken Lay?
Awsome!
I don’t really care that much about baseball. If I happen to go to a game, I can enjoy the spectacle without giving a rip whether or not either team makes it to the playoffs. I do care about Star Trek, though, and in Deep Space Nine they mention that the last World Series is played around 2032. I haven’t believed that the Star Trek future would really come to pass since, oh, about the age of eleven, but I did wonder what could kill baseball as a professional sport. Fantasy leagues in holodecks? World War III?
Or, maybe, that players were so transformed by steroids and HGH and the like that they were effectively cut off from the history of the sport and from their own fans. Hank Aaron may have had the advantage of better health care or training or whatever over Babe Ruth, but they’re still members of the same species, one that doesn’t suddenly hulk out in its mid-thirties. Someday it may be possible to genetically engineer a nominally human creature that can hit 2000+ career homers, but so what?
Anderson’s lawyer says he didn’t flip, btw.
Yes, the lawyer’s statement was very clear. I’m not sure I understand the basis for the speculation he may have flipped. As I understand it, he was in jail for contempt of court. Now that the grand jury has finished its work, he has to be released.
I’m no doctor, and I’m sure Bonds took illegal performance-enhancing drugs of one kind or another, but I seriously doubt that his head and feet really grew as stated.
Bowling and Golf.
Juiced leagues.
I smell moneyl.
I’m no doctor, and I’m sure Bonds took illegal performance-enhancing drugs of one kind or another, but I seriously doubt that his head and feet really grew as stated.
This is a claim in the book “Game of Shadows,” but I agree with you that it is unlikely. Bonds’ neck did grow to ridiculous proportions, making it look like he has a bigger head, but I doubt that the actual size of his cranium got bigger.
A hearty but of course not holding my breath second to Incontinentia Buttocks’ wish for a RICO investigation of the commissioner and MLB’s top brass.
As somebody who has gone to a dozen or so giants games every year since forever, I can tell you that it sure LOOKED like his head got a lot bigger. When you get the good seats down by the on-deck circle and whup out the binocs, about the time the giants moved into the new park his head started filling up the whole field of vision.
But honestly, what is with all this religious purity? What is baseball to you? Unless you make your living in the MLB ecosystem, then baseball is a form of entertainment. I like watching baseball, rooting for baseball, talking about baseball. Know what? I also like watching and talking about books and movies. Why should I care that these particular entertainers are using drugs, but I don’t give a damn if these other entertainers are doing the same?
Is baseball somehow less entertaining with more power hitters hitting longer home runs? Is a game with a little more scoring repugnant?
This whole “sanctity of the game”, “purity of the competition” thing is a mythology, some kind of weird pre-adolescent hero – worship that I just cannot understand…
mikey
If any post is begging for a photoshopped image of the subject in question, holding a sammich, with a tiny Earth floating next to his head for scale, it is this one.
speaking as a dumb Brit, what help Would steroids actualy be in baseball? Helps you sit on your arse, chewing gum, then walk out, swing wildly at a ball 3 times miss, then trudge slowly to the base line, or whatever, then go back to the chewing. Fuck steroids, I’d need speed.
Is baseball somehow less entertaining with more power hitters hitting longer home runs? Is a game with a little more scoring repugnant?
This whole “sanctity of the game”, “purity of the competition” thing is a mythology, some kind of weird pre-adolescent hero – worship that I just cannot understand…
I’d just like a game without cheating. Either make steroids a part of the game and let everybody take them, or don’t. It’s not about “sanctity” or “purity” or anything like that– it’s just about plain, simple fairness. It is simply not fair to the players who follow the rules.
It is simply not fair to the players who follow the rules.
More than that, as been pointed out for years in these arguments, it coerces marginal players to juice or lose their jobs.
[…] The Sadly No! regulars take us out to the Balco Game. […]
Fuck yeah, barry-bonds-ball-lickers. This is what the fuck it’s about.
Is a game with a little more scoring repugnant?
Does that include the high school game? 16 year old kids who realize their only ticket to professional sports is hgh or steroid use? Mikey, I can’t believe you see this as harmless.
As for me, I’ve just about had it with professional sports. Give me a game of 16″ softball out at Clarendon Park in Chicago and I’m happy. Tons more pleasure in watching a truck driver or web pressman playing out of pure joy than enduring the laziness of a pro earning 10 million a year who can’t hit the cut- off man.
Who knew Monica Lewinsky was even allowed in the locker room?
Give me a game of 16? softball out at Clarendon Park in Chicago and I’m happy.
Yes! Lineball with a Clincher from deBeer—the best game in town, in any town.
Did everyone catch what Bonds’ attorney had to say about the DOJ:
Did everyone catch what Bonds’ attorney had to say about the DOJ:
Jesus fucking Christ.
Keep on pushin’ my buttons bubba… you’ll get yours.
There have been a number of players suspended for steriods who, like Bonds, have claimed that they didn’t understand the stuff they were taking was steroids. None of these people, frankly, seem all that bright, a circumstance which lends a certain element of plausibility to their claims . . .
Righteous Bubba said,
November 17, 2007 at 1:01
Did everyone catch what Bonds’ attorney had to say about the DOJ:
Jesus fucking Christ.
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What does this say about SadlyNosians, they are aunty-religion.
Those SadlyNosians will get a good spanking if I catch them at it again.
And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me…
And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.
Yow! Are we awakening from history yet?
Ahh, jeez, that dood with the jawbone of an ass again.
Dood. C’mon, git over here, check me out.
Payin attention? Good. Now listen. Sure, you didn’t have rifles and rocket launchers and air and arty, but dood, c’mon, even in your day you had lances and short swords and maces and longbows.
You do NOT have to beat people to death in large numbers with a jawbone. Shit, son, use a leg bone if you gotta use a piece of ass (sorry, couldn’t help myself). Anyway, dood, choose a couple of gen-U-wine weapons and practice a little bit. Develop some skills. And you won’t have to rip apart somebody’s beast of burden in the future. You’ll have something going on, y’know?
mikey
Ever heard of Ezekiel 25:17?
In the name of fuck, I never used a jawbone… war correspondents in those days really didn’t care what they wrote down. it was a boomerang, OK?
Dumb Philistines never knew what hit them.
As for those steroid accusations, my lawyer is advising me to keep my mouth shut. ‘Out of the strong came forth sweetness’, is all I’m saying.
There have been a number of players suspended for steriods who, like Bonds, have claimed that they didn’t understand the stuff they were taking was steroids. None of these people, frankly, seem all that bright, a circumstance which lends a certain element of plausibility to their claims . . . Rea.
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One of the most ignint comments ever made here. Every professional athlete knows exactly what steroids are. You obviously know nothing about athletics. You also think professional athletes, in this case, baseball players, are not intelligent. Another incredibly ignorant statement.
This whole “sanctity of the game”, “purity of the competition” thing is a mythology, some kind of weird pre-adolescent hero – worship that I just cannot understand…
—
Sorry Mikey. You seem unusually cynical. Do you tell your kids or nephews and nieces that it’s okay for them to cheat in sports or at school or at home? I think not.
bulgar said,
November 16, 2007 at 20:28
speaking as a dumb Brit, what help Would steroids actualy be in baseball? Helps you sit on your arse, chewing gum, then walk out, swing wildly at a ball 3 times miss, then trudge slowly to the base line, or whatever, then go back to the chewing. Fuck steroids, I’d need speed.
—
Wow. You are incredibly ignorant. This thread is going for a record.
I’m no doctor, and I’m sure Bonds took illegal performance-enhancing drugs of one kind or another, but I seriously doubt that his head and feet really grew as stated.
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Since you’ve admitted you don’t know anything, of what value is your opinion ?
Aristophanes & B. S. Rocket, etc., stop being such homers. There’s a world-wide audience here, not just your bastions of gay liberality, Frisco* & Beantown. Trying to prove something, you two, w/ all your manly sports talk? — M. Bouffant.
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M. Bouffant has some gender security issues that she/he needs to work out before posting again. Oh, and M. Bouffant, to quote Steve Martin, when you post, try to have a point. It helps the narrative flow.
All you sports-sucking idiots sit there wishing you had big (or functional) penises, sucking up beers and cheering your local teams on, while the world around you burns.
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So you imply that by definition, people who are interested in sports cannot be interested in world affairs. That means you are calling this site’s hosts and authors idiots. Good job. And all black people have excellent rhythm. Can I subscribe to your informative newsletter?
Wow, our new friend is really on a roll!
This depresses me. I went to high school here in the south. Kids with no career opportunities except sports is considered a feature, not a bug in our education system.
And if you don’t think “woo hoo steroids” won’t reach the high school level, you haven’t seen what happens in our wrestling weight classes.
If steroids had a demographic appeal that coincided with Viagra, it wouldn’t bother me at all.
Syndicalist: “By the time Bonds is tried, convicted and sentenced, George W. Bush could be the new Commissioner of Baseball.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s one thing to ruin America and destabilize the world, but there is no way in HELL I’m going to stand by and watch that idiot ruin baseball.
Amen, brother.
Rea: There have been a number of players suspended for steriods who, like Bonds, have claimed that they didn’t understand the stuff they were taking was steroids. None of these people, frankly, seem all that bright, a circumstance which lends a certain element of plausibility to their claims . . .
Let’s not forget that the other players call Greg Maddux “The Professor” because he read a book once.
Mo’s Bike Shop said,
November 17, 2007 at 9:36
This depresses me. I went to high school here in the south. Kids with no career opportunities except sports is considered a feature, not a bug in our education system.
And if you don’t think “woo hoo steroids” won’t reach the high school level, you haven’t seen what happens in our wrestling weight classes.
—
Well said. This thread really depresses me becuz of the proclivity of so many professed “kool peepul” to say this is all much ado about nothing because it happens to relate to something to do with athletic activity. Suddenly, once athletics are involved we see this Bizarro Plate Tectonic Shift where (a) dangerous drugs are no longer dangerous and (b) federal felonies are no longer even the equivalent of a parking ticket (c) there are no children in the United States who might get ‘mixed messages’ about this whole thing, and if so, fuck them. All the kool party peepull who think anyone who is interested in athletics is a redneck stoopid American rube with no brain, well tell that to HTML and Gavin and Brad to their face. The rule is that you can’t come in saying you’re all dumb and stoopid on a topic you profess with pride to know nothing about.
I say this wearing my Maine lobsterman’s dirty, raunchy, scuzzy, booger stained Bill Belicheat approved hoodie.
Pats run the table. Shula goes down.
Bonds will be to Scooter as Martha Stewart was to Ken Lay, guilty of something infinitely less important, but will wind up doing time.
justme – you nailed it, I think.
Also, does that mean Scooter’s going to drop dead of a massive heart attack real soon? Because that would be cool.
Sorry, that should have read “drop dead of a massive heart attack-slash-abscond to Brazil.”
Ooh, justme, I think you’ve committed a syllogism, and a mighty fine one at that. Good for you. Barry would do well to emulate Martha, although he won’t.
Meanwhile (says the Bay Area Phootball Phan), how ’bout them Niners?
::wanders off, sobbing::
OMG, this is the story of my life. I just posted the preceding comment, and only then observed that it’s been two days since anyone cared. If you are reading this, um… Hi! How ’bout them Niners?