off topic…except well er…this is comedy gold fer real. bonus: triple dipple cute, too.

Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson takes another look at an old car. The 1964 Peel P50. It gives SMALL car a whole new perspective!

I like that car, Lesley. Meanwhile, is it just me, or has it really been 15 years since coffee drink jokes were funny? And by ‘funny’ I mean ‘not really that funny but at least semi-original’?

What, you don’t like that? He’s got plenty of stuff on airline food and how women get crazy when they’re on el raggo.

He also does a brilliant ‘What am I, a clown to you?’ monologue. Like scary-real.

I bet he asks for extra protein in his drink and I think you know what I mean by that.

The peanut-butter covered finger fresh from a dog’s ass is the straw that stirs Pasty’s drink. Ugh. Can I retract that and go back to the late 80s observational comedy.

And another thing, what’s with those air-line peanuts?

Cockslapper sure is on the cutting edge alright.

Starbucks is teh funny.
And don’t even get me started on Crystal Pepsi, what’s up with that? Baaam! Zing!!!

No? Anyone? Is this thing on?

The portions are small. The portions? Small. This is filling? Are there midgets we don’t know about, flying the friendly skies?

Have you read the commenters? Apparently the words venti, cappuccino, and latte compromise their manhood.

DA,
15 years? I was doing that stuff in 1968.

Starbucks? When did Battlestar Galactica characters start peddling caffeine? And the veinte, the dolce, the vita … I ask you. Do we really need Mussolini waking us up in the morning? Vini vidi veinte. I came, I saw, I spent five dollars on a cup of coffee. Does this not bother anybody? But say what you will about El Duce … he made the frappuccinos run on time. In Cylon, no less!

Lesley, the guy with the long hair looks like stephen fry. it isn’t him, is it?

And what’s the deal with corn nuts???? Am I right?

AK – I saw Mort Sahl at Enrico’s in San Francisco in 1986 or thereabouts … I wish I’d seen you, too. BTW, very off topic, but Enrico Banducci of Hungry i fame just died.

Are they corn or are they nuts? Can we make up our minds, people?

Lesley, the guy with the long hair looks like stephen fry. it isn’t him, is it?

Nope. (I can’t see any resemblance myself.) I don’t know who that is. The tall guy driving the car bears a greater resemblance to Fry in stature and humour though.

Ugh, I swear to god, one more starbucks joke…

Look, its fucking stupid. Everyone realizes that. I worked at a starbucks for years. You think that we felt important serving steaming cups of ego-salve with pseudo-italian names to every asshole who came in? No, we sure as hell didnt. But we were paid to pretend that it was a big special treat and that we didn’t have another purpose on this earth. They not only installed cameras to watch our every move, but listening devices so that they could hear us at all times. We didn’t have a choice.

You know who was even more annoying though than the yuppie douchebags who needed to validate their worth with specially customized foam? The wise-asses who came i every god damn day to try to pick a fight with us over how silly the menu was. Hey guess what? You CAN order a large, regular cup of coffee, just like that. People do all the time. Those people were my favorite customers. If you don’t like the fact that other people are ordering fuzzy pampered shit, go someplace else. PLEASE go someplace else, really, you can do better.

Why do people think that whining about consumerism puts them above it? You are still obsessing over your image rather than the actual product itself. Buy or don’t buy but don’t bitch about the name and the packaging. It doesn’t make you as tough as you think it does.

Dude, you’re gonna get me killed.

Ya ever notice how huge Mary Lou Retton’s thighs are?

What is with the ex-barista? Can somebody say ‘issues’? Is it just me, or is ‘long-winded’ the new ‘smug’?

a guy who calls his blog PROTEIN WISDOM doing standup. He and dummiefunnies should team up and go for gold next year.

I made the mistake of scrolling down Prof. Goldstein’s blog. All that humor was too much for me to handle. I threw up a little.

…and yes I know he’s just a professor of uncomfortable chuckles.

Hope his wife keeps her day job.

now this is funny.

aw, let me vent a little. nobody ever reads comments that are more than three lines anyway.

I was just kidding, pedestrian, kind of rolling with the observational comedy thing. It’s weirdly fun.

Hey, how come you drive on a parkway and park in…aaaah, fuck it.

See, cuz white people drive like this, but black drive like this!
(laughter)

All kidding aside, Goldstein’s writing really does suck fuckin’ balls. My God. Somebody break into his house and piss on his computer so he can’t do it any more.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

I guess it is that, DA.

Hey, did you ever notice that women are really good at writing checks? Damn, that one already expired.

Perfect!

Don’t get Goldstein started. Ever.

Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson takes another look at an old car. The 1964 Peel P50. It gives SMALL car a whole new perspective!

The fact is Calson is a right-wing apologist. You might notice Richard Hammond is no longer on the show.

Lesley, the guy with the long hair looks like stephen fry. it isn’t him, is it?

The fact is all brits look alike, slope-shouldered, bad teeth, silly hair.

Not wishing to be lumped in with the petit bourgeois keepers of the ruling progressive status quo, I burst into a Starbucks in Santa Barbara this weekend and demanded a “coffee, black, with cream and 2 packets of Equal.

Couple of times a year i stumble into a Starbucks, not to make some venti statement, just because i want a cup of coffee. No “bursting” involved really, just wandering in standing in line and asking for a coffee of the day, black.

“Oh. And some sort of donut, too.”

See, that is comedy gold, a donut and Equal.

– And man, did I ever feel friggin’ invigorated when the Santa Barbara pigs hauled me off in their Range Rover after securing my wrists with one of those biodegradable plastic twist ties.

I haven’t felt a rush like that since I threw eggs at a neighbors house, Halloween, 1986. Which, let’s face it: that’s what you get when you let your son dress as Boy George.

Usually i just drop a dollar on the local homeless chap, climb into my Clarkson sponsored super car and drive to work. But then i don’t have a blog.

Marked Hoosier said,
November 15, 2007 at 8:51

The fact is there should be a rule against unfunny.

Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 11/14 @ 8:10 pm #

The guy almost launched into the whole routine of the varieties, then saw Dad’s look, and smartly decided to get him a cup of black coffee quickly without any BS.

My Dad is dead, but that would be cool.

I went into a diner the other day and ordered eggs and toast. The waitress started to ask all sorts of dumb questions about how I wanted them cooked and what kind of bread – then she noticed my death stare and smartly decided to get it quickly without any BS.

No tip.

My Dad is dead

Mine too! Maybe they could go out for coffin.

27. Comment by psychologizer on 11/14 @ 10:09 pm #
Enjoying a “pumpkin spice latte” (what do those words even mean?) is like being on the receiving end of an anal double-fisting.

Yikes! That’s some confused shit right there, brother, I mean whats up with that? Pumpkin spice and anal fisting, are you a deeply closeted republican? Cue the canned laughter!

32. Comment by The Lost Dog on 11/14 @ 11:15 pm #
And the last time I had one of their jelly donuts, I lost my feet to Diabetes.
But at least the guy in the next hospital room wanted to buy my shoes…

har har, its like why not wear donuts for shoes!?

Nothing kills like coffin jokes.

“pumpkin spice latte” (what do those words even mean?)”

Hmm, yes that is a tough one.

“like being on the receiving end of an anal double-fisting.”

Those republicans certainly have rich fantasy lives don’t they?

Gary Seinfeld, you sir rock. Wading through comments by Cockslapper fans…
I salute you.

Righteous Bubba said,
November 15, 2007 at 9:26

Mine too! Maybe they could go out for coffin.

I fear for the funny.
Fortunately Guiliani will be the next US president, and laughter will abound.

Any chance Godlstein reads this comic strip? If not, somebody should buy him a present this holiday season.

When Brian Basset first created his strip, Adam, it had a Mr. Mom theme running through it. It was unusual at the time for a man to stay home while his wife played the corporate games-even if he was working-and Basset used the situation to its fullest comic potential. …In this sixth collection, the one-time Mr. Mom focuses on a whole host of compatriots who hang out at the local coffee cafe, log in remotely, and compare work-at-home notes. In Cafe, Adam, an all-new Adam@home collection, Basset mines the laughs in all sorts of home-office and coffee-house-based dramas, including keeping in good standing with the local barista (no jokes about the nose ring), dealing with client complaints by handing over the phone to a screaming infant son, and helping out his kids’ class at school. He also revels in the little things, from changes the nearby Kopyko made for workers like himself to being able to attend an office Christmas party, even if it’s virtual.Through it all, Adam’s wife, Laura, who still has to show up for her job at a local bookstore, and his kids, Katy, Clayton, and Nick, help the Newman household retain its balance. An engaging family, the Newmans have become an essential source of amusement for Basset’s countless fans.

Gundamhead said,
November 15, 2007 at 9:35

Gary Seinfeld, you sir rock. Wading through comments by Cockslapper fans…
I salute you.

Hey, just the other day i was having my drunken funny deleted. What’s up with that, eh? Its like donut shoes in a coffin!

In Soviet Union, coffee orders you!

Lesley said,
November 15, 2007 at 8:22

Nope. (I can’t see any resemblance myself.) I don’t know who that is..

Deary me, you people really need to get out more if you’ve never seen BBC before.

what, you’re poking fun because I’m familiar with Stephen Fry and not Jeremy Clarkson? whatever makes you feel superior.

I wonder if these butch guys feel gay when ordering a “Big Mac”, a “Quarter Pounder”, or a “Whopper” when they go to get a ham-fucking-burger at their favorite local fast-food joint. Do they march right up to the counter and say “I want a large hamburger with all the fixins, freedom fries, and a 64 ounce coca cola NOT DIET!!!1!” when feeling rebellious?

p.s., Is that block of text an actual quote? Because it isn’t there in the blog item.

Lesley said,
November 15, 2007 at 11:16

what, you’re poking fun because I’m familiar with Stephen Fry and not Jeremy Clarkson? whatever makes you feel superior.

To Quote Pam Oshrey, “It gets more unfathomable. Read it all here”

But seriously, Top Gear is one of the top rated BBC television shows. Everyone knows James May.
People were just recently suggesting, on another political blog, that i, or someone much like me, couldn’t be “politically aware” without knowing who the fuck isTucker Carlson. I looked him up. He’s that douche with a bowtie who John Stewart berated. Comeon, don’t be so insular, expand, evolve.

“a coffee black, with cream [etc]”

Am I missing the joke? You can’t have a black coffee with cream. That would be like a Virgin Mary with booze.

I gotta agree with the ex-Starbucker above. Those ‘regular guys’ who always acted like they were the first one to _cut through the bullshit_ and order a “regular coffee” were the lowlight of my day.

You’d try to accommodate them but when they said ‘regular’ for their size, you always felt like you were being put on. are small, medium and large fancy italian words now?

Apologies, but working in the service industry for a decade really screws up your head…

The smarts is flyin’ over there, too:

Wait a minute…when did they come up with biodegradable plastic? Someone’s gonna win a Nobel Prize in chemistry for that.

Really? You’re going with that snark, huh? Not gonna Google it? Maybe a quick Wikipedia search?

Niles said,
November 15, 2007 at 11:37

Apologies, but working in the service industry for a decade really screws up your head…
Can we all just agree that Starbucks is gaye and the whole “grande vidi whatever-the-other-thing is” is inane and go back to arguing important issues like why the fuck can’t I have a concealed carry permit for a Tec-DC9 in DC?

Posting of this link does not imply that you should watch the video clip to be found there.

At least that was ten years ago. JG has NO excuse.

39 Comment by Chuck Norris’s Liver on 11/15 @ 2:04 am #

Coffee frappucino, with whipped cream.

What’s up with that? Whipped cream, with whips and cream?

True story: Me and my ex-biker dude buddy were riding in his Dodge Ram pickup, stopped by Starbucks, and both ordered.

We’re not gaye or anything, no that there’s anything wrong with that!

While we were waiting for our orders, the ex-biker dude said, “Frappucino? What kind of girlie drink is that?”

I said, “What are you talking about, Mr. Pumpkin Spice Latte? Or should I say, Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte?”

He said, “Hey wanna check out the mensroom stalls?”
I said, “Sure why not, Miss Pumpkin Slice?”
He said, “I have a biker friend”.
I said,” I will suck the chrome off your Dodge Ram pickup truck trailor hitch knob, you hot manly gorgeous manmeat of a stud. But i’m not gaye.”
He said, “Dude”.

Which brings up something I hate about political correctness. Doing derogatory gay/sissy jokes with your buddies has been a ritual of male bonding forever. Calling each other “fag,” “homo,” “queer,” etc. — this is absolutely standard procedure for growing up. It is essentially harmless, and certainly is not symptomatic of a mental disorder, as the PC term “homophobia” would tend to imply.

Taco iced green tea gives me a boner up to here.

Sigh. Whats up with that?

“Just saying “White Chocolate Mocha” uses all the same muscles involved in fellatio.”

Actually, I thought that was a pretty funny line. From the comments, of course, because JG wouldn’t know teh funny if it slapped him in the face.

And coffee with Equal? Why don’t you just let a diabetic piss in it? Good coffee doesn’t need sweetener and bad coffee only tastes worse with it. Gack.

Have you read the commenters? Apparently the words venti, cappuccino, and latte compromise their manhood.

same as Volvo, still seems to be a joke in wanker-o-sphere…….

“I order the Tazo iced green tea w/o sugar.”

Ummm… Did you mean “taco”?

Taco iced green tea gives me a boner up to here.”

Worst Larry the Cable guy routine EVER.

Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 15, 2007 at 13:53

Actually, I thought that was a pretty funny line. From the comments, of course, because JG wouldn’t know teh funny if it slapped him in the face.

That whole thing over there is gay.

“Snorks! Remember those?”

— Metalocalypse Dethklok, “Dethkomedy”

Jeff Goldstein is at the cutting edge of the next generation of Jewish comedy. Not that I’d expect you anti-Semites to understand his humor.

What’s the deal with homework? LOL!!

The “cutting edge” of “Jewish humor,” eh? Does the anti-Semitism ™ of the Left know no bounds? Where did you guys grow up, in Bris-tol?

Ah… Now I get why I’ve always been repulsed at the notion of eating brisket.

I like how he subtly lets everyone know he’s about to go to mixed martial arts class (at least I assume that’s what MMA means), just in case you thought he might be kind of a pussy. Maybe he’s trying to model his comedy career after Joe Piscopo’s.

Yes, it’s awful that Starbucks has a special nomenclature for ordering its coffee products. The worst part is, coffee is such a scarce and difficult-to-manage commodity that you _have_ to buy it ready-made from vendors. If only you could make it yourself, in the quantity and with the accoutrements you like best, you could solve the whole dilemma. Alas, alackaday.

That comedy bit makes Day-by-Day look Pulitzer worthy.

Seriously, don’t get Glodstein in a huff. He’ll talk up his tireless workout ethic and about beating the snot out of us pantywaist lefties.

-Over and over again.

You’re missing the really horrible part:

I haven’t felt a rush like that since I threw eggs at a neighbors house, Halloween, 1986. Which, let’s face it: that’s what you get when you let your son dress as Boy George.

Ha, their son’s a fag! Let’s egg them! Jerk. You egg someone’s house at Halloween cause they give out raisins, not because you hate someone’s costume. (Not that I’m condemning egging, but please don’t use Halloween as a excuse to start Kristallnacht)

I mean condoning. But weirdly enough, condemning also works.

starbucks is not the first to give coffee funny names. when I first moved to boston for college I thought “regular” was a size. Except that every time I said I wanted I regular I got coffee with sugar in it. Which is an abomination. Anyway, I am proud to say it didn’t take me more than a couple weeks to catch on…..

Oh, yeah? Well, I heard his mother in law is SO ugly…

A dog and a duck walk into a starbucks dragging a dead goat.

The dog orders a vente latte. The duck orders a maple nut scone.

The dead goat says “mind if I play through?”

Fergit it. I got nothin.

mikey

Sir, I am applying for a grant to spend six months working on a joke about those over-engineered lids they have for takeaway coffee that look like they’ve fallen off the space shuttle. $1,000 will allow me to finish the line “You need a PhD in Astrophysics to… ”

And coming Fall 2008: Jamba Juice jokes! A fifteen minute routine about ordering a Acai Supercharger with Immunity boost! Don’t get me started…

jeff goldstein is not funny.

the new adult swim show xavier, renegade angel, IS funny.

What about smurf jokes? Those always kill.

Jeff Goldstein is the Lenny Bruce of the 21st Century. His humor is too intellectual for Dhimmicrats.

Libtards hate Jeff because his terse, lucid prose and tight argumentation demonstrates how far contemporary secproggs and multiculturalists have fallen from the American ideals of classical liberalism. Also they envy his massive schlong and hot Azn wife.

Also they envy his massive schlong and hot Azn wife.

I don’t follow you. Couple possibilities as to what ‘Azn’ means:

– Jeff has an Ashkenazi wife. This wouldn’t be a stretch.
– Jeff has an ANZAC wife. Quite the long-distance relationship, if so.
– Jeff’s wife is actually Andizhan Airport in Uzbekistan. Seems unlikely.
– Jeff’s wife is actually the publicly traded Anglo-Swedish pharmaceutical company, AstraZeneca PLC. Again, seems a bit absurd.
– Other possibilities: An Azorean wife? An Azerbaijani wife? An Azraelian wife?

Please elucidate.

Scroll down a little further on Wikipedia, Dhimmifascistislamocommie (I assume that’s what the “D” stands for)

I’ve wondered (and don’t know if it has ever been answered) if he accidentally misspelled “Protean”. Or did he deliberately misspell it to be some sort of weak joke? Was he trying (and failing) to be Joycean?

As for the “humor” portion, I suggest that JG critique airline cuisine and illustrate racial differences in motor vehicle operation.

Scroll down a little further on Wikipedia, Dhimmifascistislamocommie (I assume that’s what the “D” stands for)

So what does the “J” stand for, JD?

So what does the “J” stand for, JD?

Jerk, Jackass, Jealous, Jellyfish, Justoutofthementalhospital

Just a note, D. A.: You don’t need “at” w/ chez. The “at”‘s included.

The J stands for Jinglin’ baby.

Clearly my parody trolling needs work.

The ‘J’ in JD stands for JD.

Parody troll? You need to dumb it down a lot. Like so:

Stupid Libtards hate Jeff because he is so smart and great and funny and cool and awesome and they wish they could be like him and stuff. Also they wish he would cockslap them because they are all ghey.

Hmm. Probably not dumb enough. Oh well, I tried.

The ‘J’ in JD stands for JD.

Funniest thing Scott Adams ever wrote:

“The TTP Project.”
“What does ‘TTP’ stand for?”
“The TTP Project.”

Get it? It’s so… meta. Or possibly gamma. Or curved in on itself, like Jeff Goldstein fellating himself.

Gnu’s Not Unix…

mikey

Yeah, I was going to say, maybe Scott Adams thinks recursive acronyms are hilarious, but they’re pretty par for the course in the open source world.