OK, I’m single and available, pretty easy on the eyes, vers. and H/W/P. Let me tell you Boys : I need better bachelors!
Please, for the love of Dog, tell me Cal Thomas is married.

Roger Simon, no doubt about it. He’s pretty much the only one of the five with enough character even to register on my consciousness. I try reading the other columns and after a couple of sentences they’re just like “bzz bzz bzz.” Derbeyshire’s the worst like that – does he actually exist? I’ve never read such airy piffle. It’s like reading a fart.

Oh, and Steyn’s a douche. That is all.

I have a theory about Lileks: He’s really identical twins. One is the hilarious chap who brings us the Institute of Official Cheer. The other is a boring old schmuck who whines all of the time.

BTW, there’s no way you’re getting me to click on a link that might feature John “Hat Trick” Derbyshire talking about sex. No way, no how. I don’t care if the linked idiocy just happens to have the letters “s” “e” and “x” somewhere in the text.

Blarg, the dating game with no Ben Shapiro?!?! How could you forget poor VB, Leonard!

[sigh]
I think they’re all just dreamy. Oh, how can I pick just one!

I would watch The Derb debate the worth of various terms for “fucking” with Ann Althouse on Blogging Heads. It’d be like that disastrous first season of Big Brother in which nothing of interest happened. I like that kind of purity.

The fact is that there is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING more pathetic than a Minnesota wingnut. NOTHING. Trust me. Nothing.

HTML — unfortunately, the Virgin Ben (Attorney at Law) boycotted the Conservative Dating Game when he found out that the prize was a date with me instead of a furtive peek down the top of Ann Coulter’s little black dress.

Bubba — do you remember, back in that mind-numbingly uneventful S1 of Big Brother, how some culture-hacking freewheelers flew planes with messages on the tail over the house telling the gerbils to stage a massive walkout? Did you know that one of the people involved in those shenanigans posts here under the unlikely pen name of Mister Leonard Pierce? Good times, good times…

I prefer to call it “posting an entry in my law blog”.

Roger Simon is the wingnut most deserving a wedgie. What a tool.

Did you know that one of the people involved in those shenanigans posts here under the unlikely pen name of Mister Leonard Pierce?

You’re out looking for bachelors when you have me right here?

I particularly enjoyed when the producers tried to bribe someone – anyone! – to leave the show because they were all too goddamned boring. In a classic bit of backfiring TV they do all the buildup, show an enticing clip of the new replacement shit-disturber, and nothing happens.

Imagine Al Capone’s vault opening before a human face – forever. Or a summer replacement season at least.

Yeah, and the worst of it is, in season 2, they deliberately stuck in all these controversial, volatile, would-be ‘outrageous’ goons, not realizing that the entire appeal of S1, much like the appeal of reading the Ole Perfesser, lay in its horrible, zenlike boredom. I immediately lost interest.

Pierce–

Mark “The Human” Steyn? Why inflate him to such mythic proportions?

Mencken–

You’ll always be “funny” to us. Ask your doctor if you’re healthy enough
for sexual activity, but otherwise, come here for a hug, boobie.

the entire appeal of S1, much like the appeal of reading the Ole Perfesser, lay in its horrible, zenlike boredom.

Yeah, it was like cable access gardening shows with a budget. I’m pretty amazed that they kept it going and gave it so much air-time. What were the ratings like?

HTML,

Re: I used to be ‘with it.’

Just use the word “janky.” You’ll be with it.

Regards,
C Nelson

Sorry. Wrong thread.

Steyn wins. Gibberish prose worthy of the proverbial chimp at a typewriter.

Steyn is right.

How can we libruls fret about ocean pollution whilst Canada loses it’s mainline Protestant churches. My idea to fix that — ship Canada our surplus of wingnut preachers along with a few truckloads of nails and lumber. Then we can get back to saving the whales and seabirds with a clean conscience, or whatever.

The fact is that there is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING more pathetic than a Minnesota wingnut. NOTHING. Trust me. Nothing.

Oh, gbear, darling. You’ve apparently not spent much time, if any, down here in the Appalachian region of the Bible Belt, a/k/a “God’s Country.” Dwell in my corner of the world for but a short while and then get back to me on what there is nothing more pathetic than.

C’mon, MzNicky. Let’s get outta this dump and go break something….

mikey

mikey: Yer talkin’ my language, big guy.

unless it is a form of humor so dry it makes the bread found in a Mummy’s tomb look like a sponge in a bucket of milk.

I’ll take lame, strained, ironically unfunny metaphors for 200$, Alex. Oh wait, wrong game show.

MzNicky said,

November 14, 2007 at 5:37

[sigh]
I think they’re all just dreamy. Oh, how can I pick just one!

Ask the classic tie-breaker question: If you were an ice cream flavor, which one would you be?

Given his concern about the loss of mainlining churches, I’d guess Steyn is “Heroin Chocolate Swirl.”

Derbyshire is “Doucheberry Sorbet.”

So Mark Steyn is angry that farmland is preserved from development, but wants churches to be barred from being converted into clubs or mosques?”

Hey Mark, “building conservation” has “conservation”in it too buddy! Aren’t you afraid that that might help the environmentalists win?

Oh, I also love that a self-described defender of religion wishes that the church would act more like Wal-Mart. Maybe they could also have a “Watch Out For Falling Tithes” campaign, or a Blue Light Special on miracles. If you want more customers you have to compete in the free market, baby, don’t go crying to the government!

Hey, maybe they could even open a bank in the lobbey. In fact, why didn’t Jesus think of that?

Bless you for not featuring Mickey Kaus who is destined to be a virginal bachelor for eternity.

Steyn. By a long shot. In fact, I might be helping in his plight by giving the wacko not-so-mainline-Protestants here someone to fight with, so maybe I’ll call a truce so that they can go and work on those “seed-planting” missions in Canada like they do with those “heathen Mexicans”. Go North, young white-breads!

P.S. wingnuts have warned me that I must still sign as “the former Pim’s Ghost” or what-the-fuck-ever, so instead I’ll leave this signed:

–Mark Steyn’s Creepy Beard Will Have Its Revenge On Seattle

John Derbyshire

It is, in fact, a sad truth about human life that beyond our salad days, very few of us are interesting to look at in the buff. Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman’s salad days are shorter than a man’s  really, in this precise context, only from about 15 to 20.

Spoken like a true republican. 21 is over the hill for John. I foresee a long prison term in his future.

Oh, BTW, Lawnguylander, the time has come for what you always wanted from me. (no one get all creepy on me….just don’t know how to find him other than here)

James Lileks:

I will be switched and hoss-whipped down Lyndale Avenue before I pay some one $200 dollars over the sticker price.

I’d pay to see that and take pics too. Lyndale is only a few blocks away. It’s a bit chilly but I hear you don’t notice that when you’re being horse whipped.

So I called up wikipedia on the iPhone

Cheap bastard won’t buy his kid a Wii for Christmas but he has a 600$ iPhone. I wonder how much porn he has on it by now?

That’s right, you party monsters, you!

1one11!

I don’t know what’s wrong with Lileks’ town but I can name at least three stores within five miles of my home where I could walk in tomorrow and buy a Wii at the list price.

…if I had a spare $250, of course.

Whoa, y’all. I am taking a weird trip down memory lane tonight.

Let me explain – As many did, when I was young I thought I was unique and special, and so I wrote down my unique and special thoughts in a journal, and amassed a large collection of notebooks until the habit finally left me at the age of 27 or 28 or so. And moving around alot, the collection ended up packed up in a box, and left at my mom’s house. About 7 years ago, mom shipped it, along with a bunch of other stuff, to me here in CA.

Well, last month when the fires came and we feared our house was threatened, I somehow thought it was important to save that record of the young me, and found the box and put it near the basement door, ready to go in the car trunk when the evacuation order came in.

Of course the order never came. But the thought of that box down in the basement has bugged me ever since. And tonight Spouse is out of town on business, so I indulged myself in reading the scribblings of my 20-something self. With a glass of pinot noir at the ready.

Whew. Cringeworthy! Embarrassing! Nostagic! Puzzling (I don’t REMEMBER these people!)

But I wanted to share with you something I found there – these are not my words, this is something I found written by an anonymous person on a library carrel table, and I wrote it in my journal. I guess it struck me then, and tonight, while reading my own self-indulgent crap, it stood out for me:

“In hopes you never see this – It’s a poor effort
Oh I’m so lonely, you never came
I’m sitting here writing
and thinking of you, that you never came
when I’m so lonely
when I needed you
– the day of February 24, 1975 when it got cold very fast”

I have no idea who wrote that. I went to the library in 1975 and found it written on a table top. Whoever wrote it, I think they deserve to have it read by someone 30 years later, don’t you?

I hadn’t the nerve to read anything but Lileks (though alicublog mocked Derb & “having sex”) but he’s as bad as anyone, even (or especially) ’cause he’s not dealing w/ politics. And how he thinks he’s any different from Garrison Keillor is beyond me. The only thing worse than those of us born in the ’50s is younger people whining about us.

Fuck you, you punks had it easy, on our giant shoulders!

And Lileks, try to spell the name of your own stupid book correctly!!

This is like a game of darts, with darts being thrown at your list of five “bachelors.” Both games require a similar level of smarts, and both are played while drinking.

C Nelson Reilly said,

This obvious hateful gay-bashing in your comments should not continue. This is not who we are people.

g, make a web log w/ your many yrs. ago scribblings. Seriously. I promise I’ll laugh w/ you rather @ you. It would be a vitally important piece of socio-cultural something or other.

M Bouffant – I’m fantasizing about donating it all to some obscure library in a town I’ve never lived in, with all surnames redacted. An enthological record of a person living in a certain historical time, a certain city.

Well, I guess that might work too. I’m tempted to drag out my journals & throw a few choice selections on the web now.

Oh lord. The DRAMA one’s life had, at 20 – 22!

The best reality show contestant ever was Puck from the first series of The Real World, many moons ago. He was a sort of skater/BMX archetype, except he was the kind of person who’d walk into your house, eat all your food, break your stereo and shit on your floor, and when you’d say “Excuse me Mr. Puck, would you mind not eating all my food, breaking my stereo and shitting on my floor”, he’d say, “Dude, that’s just me. I gotta be me. I’m ‘the’ Puck. You can’t stop me being ‘the’ Puck.” (yes, he’d refer to himself in the third person AND with the definite article.) And you’d say, “Now, I don’t mean to restrict your personal freedom of self-expression, I’d just appreciate it if you didn’t eat all my food, break my stereo and shit all over my floor,” and he’d say, “Dude, deal with it. That’s just me. I’m ‘the’ Puck. You can’t handle it. You can’t handle ‘the’ Puck.”

He really was a walking perfect storm of assholiness, a man who truly felt that all rights applied only to him and all responsibilities lay firmly at the feet of everyone else. Presumably a committed libertarian by now.

Speaking of bullshit:

“The United States, however, considers itself to be a more mature democracy. Grover Norquist, one of America’s most influential Republican activists, aims to turn the question of dynasty into a campaign issue.

“It will be ridiculous to have Mr President and Madam President in the White House,” he said. “We’re the United States of America. How can we say to President Mubarak [of Egypt], ‘You can’t hand off the presidency to your son, it’s got to be your wife’ or, ‘Hey Syria and North Korea, you’ve got to knock this stuff off and be like us’.”

Norquist has commissioned lawyers to draw up a constitutional amendment that would ban family members from succeeding one another to elected and appointed office. If passed, it would not apply to the Clintons as a Bush was elected in between them. But Norquist believes that it will alert voters to the perils of dynasty. “Americans don’t like to go back,” he said. ”

Wow. Get on board something MORE USELESS and retarded then a flag burning amendment. Has this even ever happen ever before at all, that two family members get elected back to back?

When’s Congress going to pass my bill to make it illegal to fly purple, dinosaur fart powered submarines to Neptune?

I know this is from a few threads ago, but I just checked up on James Hudnall’s wiki article, and while the “leading source of wingnut welfare” edit was reverted, the “large bag of oatmeal raisin cookies” wasn’t.

How the hell do you miss that? I speak as someone who is an administrator on another wiki.

Some Guy said:
When’s Congress going to pass my bill to make it illegal to fly purple, dinosaur fart powered submarines to Neptune?

Man, that’s my Barneymobile! Don’t go hatin’ just cuz you’re jealous.

And if I can’t go to Neptune, Titan seems like the new “In” place, what with the nude beaches and jello shots. Titan is also very cool since I can fuel up on all the liquid methane…better than Barney Farts even!

MzNicky: ‘Oh, gbear, darling. You’ve apparently not spent much time, if any, down here in the Appalachian region of the Bible Belt, a/k/a “God’s Country.” Dwell in my corner of the world for but a short while and then get back to me on what there is nothing more pathetic than.’

Your wingnuts could easily be meaner, dumber, more entrenched and dangerous, but it would be really hard for them to be more pathetic.

How can we say to President Mubarak [of Egypt], ‘You can’t hand off the presidency to your son, it’s got to be your wife’ or, ‘Hey Syria and North Korea, you’ve got to knock this stuff off and be like us’.”

Ummm… He does see the difference between appointing and electing a leader, right? Hey, Argentina just elected a former first lady too! Attack!!!

PS: Personally, I am more worried by Mubarak’s record of torturing and imprisoning political dissidents, but that’s just me

The fact is, electing GW after HW is not the same as electing Hillary after Bill. First of all, there is not the same legacy of shame and dseceipt, and the Bush’s did not have their enemies killed or conspire to destroy the oppostition the way Clintons did, and do. Second, as the wife, she has little legetimacy as not descending from the same line, making her rule not have the same force of impact as a son or heir.

Real Gary?

So tough to tell. It’s batshit crazy, but it’s not over-the-top, obviously fake, batshit crazy.

The “descending from the same line”line is just absolutely priceless, though. It’s a little Hummel figurine of real conservative values.

If this is fake Gary, it’s the best fake Gary ever. Which is kind of a contradiction in terms.

So inherited monarchy is a GOOD thing, huh Gary? Only if it’s a guy, though. Whee!

When’s Congress going to pass my bill to make it illegal to fly purple, dinosaur fart powered submarines to Neptune?

Goddamnit, what am I going to do with all these dinosaurs if they pass that? AND the “My parents went to Neptune and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” T-shirts.

That’s a pretty good fake Gary all right.

I’ll be listening to the news on the BBC and some interviewee will say “The fact is..” and I’m yelling “Fake Gary!” at the radio. I’ve got to do a little less SN!

Teh Derb:

And incidentally, when did “having sex” become the standard colloquial expression for coitus?

The term has been in use since D.H. Lawrence coined this usage in 1929… where the fuck have you been?

So inherited monarchy is a GOOD thing, huh Gary? Only if it’s a guy, though. Whee!

Hey, Gary is hardcore. Salic Law, baby!

The fact is, this man has it right.

http://newsbyus.com/more.php?id=10145_0_1_0_M

Geologist discovers link to the next 911 in global warming policy

http://www.H2onE2.com Glacial Respiration, Conceptual Ring of Ice, The End of Linear Western Religion
A Geological Exploration of an E2 Earthen Planet And the H2 Human Species
Author: B Billy Marse, Professional Geologist

Brief Description:
http://www.H2onE2.com is an exploration of the universe, geology, climate, biology, humans, psychology, folklore and ancient structures to uncover the beginning and disclose the end of linear western religion. The true DaVinci Code behind the bible is not a supreme spiritual power but a scientific record of climate change described as Glacial Respiration. The Greek philosophers originated the practice of communicating a hidden idea or message in the short story format, as a metaphor. In the bible, metaphors conceal historic climate change within the fanciful stories. The theory of Glacial Respiration explains the myth behind the Holy Grail, structures such as the Great Pyramids, Stonehenge, Easter Island and is the knowledge that was collected in the Jewish Ark of the Covenant.

The environmental changes of Glacial Respiration determine all biological evolution and can explain why higher forms of intelligent humans developed. Further, Glacial Respiration releases the secret hidden by the Knights Templars, Masonic Order and all religions. Uncovers an advanced Blue-Blooded semi-industrial Atlantian Civilization that was built and destroyed many times over for the last million years. The book ends with an explanation of how linear western religion will be physically ended and describes the construction of the doomsday device capable of fulfilling its own self defining prophesy, “Revelations”. H2onE2 is a mind-expanding experience that stimulates the soul, instinct, intellect and is an almanac to the past, present and future of humanity. Rise, awaken and evolve into H3 human consciousness.

The discovery:
As a Professional Geologist, I attempted to link the Dust Bowl/Great Depression to a pre-glacial condition or mechanism and ended up writing the book H2onE2. I felt that there was a strong connection between the Dust Bowl and transition back into Glacial Winter. I did notice that my professors scientifically crumbled every time I mentioned the relationship. I could not go back in time or locate indisputable proof. The proof came from understanding all educational disciplines including history and theology. I soon discovered that all religious text both eastern and western continually described significant climate change conditions relating to Glacial Respiration. For years I fought off mixing science and religion until I discovered that the origins of all religions were founded or created to help humans psychologically survive the harsh earthen environment. Without reason I soon accepted that the world’s complicated religions were the same. This came true and I continued to write and discover. Everything came into place as though I was unlocking a 10,000-year-old puzzle. I also realized this puzzle was opened before I discovered it, by someone else, some other group. If so, further understanding of this knowledge might be extracted from significant historical events. Lastly, this is the vital information needed to make future predictions.
vrvr3v

Second, as the wife, she has little legetimacy as not descending from the same line, making her rule not have the same force of impact as a son or heir.

Fake Gary!

Or…real Gary with two different sets of talking points conflated (“Hillary would be bad because dynasty is bad” vs. “Hillary would be bad because she’s an illegitimate dynasty, and only legitimate dynasty–HW, GW, Jeb, Neil, Jenna, Not Jenna–is good.”).

Wow…the lines. They blur!

When’s Congress going to pass my bill to make it illegal to fly purple, dinosaur fart powered submarines to Neptune?

Fuck, I’m voting for you, man.

o/t, went over for a laugh at LGF today, and see old Chuckie is still banging on about Pammy, VB, and all that racist crap at Brussels Journal. For a bonus laugh, he seems to have banned that stupid old wanker, Fjordman, who took a major hissy fit. These are the guys us Eurabians will be looking to come Jihad, and they bitch and moan like old woman at the Catholic Woman’s League.

Personally, I am more worried by Mubarak’s record of torturing and imprisoning political dissidents, but that’s just me.

Well, some of them were War on Terra suspects handed over by the CIA, so that grants him retroactive absolution.

Am I the only one here who doesn’t believe in the existence of “Real Gary”? I think they’re all fake. It’s an unpopular position but I stand by it.

We have always been at war with Real Gary.

Gary Ruppert was inadvertently fractured one day by the arrows of Sadly, No! wit. Now, anyone who finds a shard of The Real Gary will become more powerful, but infinitely more cruel. Or at least more incoherent. Also, it can reanimate their corpses and maybe make them grow spider fangs or something.

Christ, I’m a geek.

Your wingnuts could easily be meaner, dumber, more entrenched and dangerous, but it would be really hard for them to be more pathetic.

Offered in evidence, Steve Gill. He’s laboring in obscurity; such a pathetic politician that he can’t win in a fairly Republican district (TN-6) against a middling DINO. He’s currently the chief barker on the Fred Thompson bandwagon and author of the straight to paperback hagiography The Fred Factor: How Fred Thompson May Change the Face* of the ’08 Campaign.

If your stomach is elastic: http://www.gillreport.com/

His sole claim to “fame” would be when he organized a car-honking campaign to disrupt downtown Nashville while the lege debated the merits of a 10% sales tax versus a 2-3% state income tax. (The regressive tax won, to the collective honking delight of the Pissing Calvin brigade.)

* why yes, he does resemble the Swamp Thing…

…Inu Yasha?

I’m worse.

The fact is that I am Gary Ruppert. You are Gary Ruppert. When a conservative talking point lodges like a clot in your brain, Gary is there. When random words and phrases string themselves together with no coherent meaning, that is Gary too. When you try to reach out and understand the 24% who still support this administration and vertigo nearly knocks you on your ass it is Gary, dancing in your inner ear.

You cannot kill Gary. Gary is all of us.

I move we appoint Gary the First Ambassador Plenipotentiary to LolCthulhu –

http://isometric.sixsided.org/forum/read.php?1,640

Seconds?

All your Gary are belong to us.

And OK. Uncle. I’ll accept that patheticicity is rampant nationwide. There’s no geographical location that can’t bottom out worse than the previous bottom.

Christ, I’m a geek.

Which is, of course, precisely why we love you, D. Sidhe.

Oh, and M. Bouffant and g: I’d pony up my Big Box O Venting from highschool/college as well, except they’re all folded into those little numbered-lettered “cootie catcher” things. Which, come to think of it, might deserve its own exhibit somewhere.

Never Commented here before but can’t resist a little Lileks Love-In…

re: Lileks
“Also, since my child has made this request of Santa, you will probably destroy her faith in his powers.”

This dog-whistle tool has been used by Jimbo (Mr. Entitlement) for years. He pulls it out of his a*s every time he wants something that is:
a. difficult to obtain by commoners
b. fairly expensive
c. needed to soothe his sense of outrage over some imagined affront
d. all of the above
or the sly….
e. “OMG! I (or wifey) might lose our extremely cushy job. Send money so our insect won’t have to get bussed to a school where there are brown people!”

This coded message never fails to incite his misguided faithful to send him whateverthehell he wants. No doubt the insect (and our Jimbo) will have that Wii under the tree come xmas morn’. Well-heeled, neocon, fellow-travelers will see to that. Happens every time.

Wingnut Welfare in action!

BTW, Great Site folks. Never fails to get my mostly progressive worldview in an uproar.

..hellzyeah!

treefrog

C’mon, MzNicky. Let’s get outta this dump and go break something….

Oh please, let it be one, or all, of the bachelors. Wait, do bachelor shards have ill effects similar to those noted in Ruppert shards?

Hey, we do not need any more protestants coming to Canada. Please do not suggest that this is a good idea. If you do that, we may be forced to start sending atheists to convert the poor deluded fools who continue to believe that some 2000 year old hippie was actually the son-of-god(tm). Me, I just can’t believe that people still believe any of that shit, it’s so silly.

kiki: The best reality show contestant ever was Puck from the first series of The Real World

I seriously think that the way that whole Real World cast banded together to eject the puckish Puck had to have been the first seedling of the concept behind the whole voting part of _Survivor_. (The desert island part, well, that was clearly entirely unprecedented.)

just keep Gary from drinking your everlasting essence, D. Sidhe.

I can’t wait for the Survivor: International Space Station series. Booting people off will be a lot more entertaining.

Lex, you’re ready to denounce the The Shrieking Harpy? This is a happy day indeed if that’s what you’re hinting at.

And to g and others who have embarassing writings from your adolescence or young adulthood, you might want to consider reading them in public for laughs. There’s a group that puts on a show called Get Mortified with people reading the overwrought scribblings of their youth to the delight of an audience. I’ve never been to a show but a friend of mine produces their NYC shows and she says their hilarious. And she definitely knows from funny so I believe her.

Book the Puck!

Get Mortified looks great, Lawnguylander. There’s one tonight in LA as well as this weekend in SF, Austin & Portland. Woot!

we may be forced to start sending atheists

Um, OK.

I didn’t even read any of those columns. I just read everyone’s comments. This was an infinitely better use of my valuable time.

it is Gary, dancing in your inner ear.

Holy shit, that explains the chronic headaches! Mind you, combined with the Inu Yasha thing I was doing earlier, I suddenly have this image of tiny demon half-earwig Gary Ruppert. In a sombrero, for which I blame probably either Brad or Gavin.

why aren’t they outraged at the declining numbers of a Canadian mainline Protestant church?

I agree totally. I’ve often mainlined Canadian while declining a number of Protestant churches, often while taking my rage out to the curb.

No public readings, that’s the whole point of an anon web log. I doubt that mine would even be that mortifying, not too much about adolescent crushes. & the like, just factual event reporting of the pointless crap I did. Not that I’ve read them in 35+ yrs. Could be embarraassing, I s’pose. Hmmm.

I vote Concerned as the
Worst.
Troll.
Evar!!!1!

That is all.

and the Bush’s did not have their enemies killed

Wasn’t the whole reason we invaded Iraq because Hussein tried to assassinate the Elder Bush, and thus required the Lesser Bush and his administration to scheme and conspire to get that Iraqi strongman good?

Once again, you sexist, racist pigs refuse to heed my wishes.

How would you like there to be a tiny chance that someone might just happen to stumble across a comment in a thread somewhere that may be attributed to you, but that you did not write?

You ‘liberal’ men make me sick!

There are things that I just might do if you don’t delete every comment that has ever been submitted in my name. Did I mention that I am a lawyer?

Nice, thunda.

Reminds me of the last Mardi Gras show I saw in Oakland. What was that, 1994?

Dammit!

I always leave my straw(wo)men hanging out.

How embarrassing!

“I always leave my straw(wo)men hanging out.”

aHA! Conclusive proof that I, Ann Althouse, am being spoofed here! I demand that 4toby be sanctioned. I demand satisfaction! I… oh, look. Something shiny!

You should really hang out with us, Ann. It really is comforting when all you survey is named Beth.

Ann is in New York. Does that make her a New York Law Firm?

Concerned that Roger Simon may get credit for creating an important cinematic milestone, I just thought I’d check out what Rotten Tomatoes had to say about it. Here are some highlights:

Again proving Woody Allen should stick with Woody Allen movies.

…very bad indeed.

That last is from Roger Ebert. Effin’ liberal. No wonder Raj is conservative.

So, in short, Roger Simon tried rewrite Scener ur ett äktenskap (Scenes from a Marriage) as a comedy, even down to the title, and it didn’t work. The fact that he thought this was a good idea or even possible really tells me all I need to know about his scriptwriting abilities.

Oh lord. The DRAMA one’s life had, at 20 – 22!

Man, you don’t know the half of it. I work with primarily college kids and your post-college hipster layabout types, usually from 18-25 or so. I spend the bulk of my day thinking to myself, “Young lady and/or sir, if you only knew how silly all this will look not just 10 years from now, but FIVE years from now.” But I keep it to myself ’cause I know how much I hated hearing that shit from some burnout in his early 30s when I was 22 with a heart full of joy.

And about past shames, when I moved from Florida to Athens, I rented a pick-up truck, as I’ve always traveled lightly. The upshot was that it was all kinds of cheap compared to an actual rental to-do. The downshot is that I lost two tomato boxes full of stuff out the backend. One had most of the cool books I owned (that hadn’t been loaned out to soon-to-be-ex-girlfriends and, thus, never returned). All the embarrasing crap – like the post Timothy Zahn Star Wars novels and Harry Turtledove – I still had, but I’d lost my copies of, say, Gravity’s Rainbow or The People’s History Of The United States.

The other box was full of those college composition books. I mean, packed full so tight they were difficult to pry loose. Six years or so of short stories, sketches for longer fiction, the odd bit of poetry, a couple of erotic rememberences, a few songs I wrote and a massive bulk of essays on all the things that a young man ponders deep into the night. I fancied myself not so much a writer as a philosopher, and figured that’s what real thinkers did: write it down for posterity’s sake.

Both them boxes fell out of the truck somewhere between Macon and Valdosta. I like to think some country kid found the box full of weird books and it blew his mind, but I really hope no one ever finds all that horseshit I scribbled down when I thought it was worth saving. Sometimes while laying in bed at night, certain passages will come back to me. God, am I glad that shit is lost. Especially the songs. Almost as glad as I am that blogs didn’t enter my conciousness until I’d almost got that urge out of my system.

Oddly enough, sometimes the youthful drama is real. You know that’s the case once the cops get involved.

When I was 20 my fundamentalist parents tried to kidnap me and force me into an intensive ex-gay program. Unwilling to risk the possibility of electroshock therapy, I ran away to Boston with nothing but a duffel bag of clothes, my ten favorite books, and my music.

I thought that that drama was real enough, but it wasn’t. The real drama didn’t come until long after my music had been stolen and I had given up on trying to haul books around. I was only homeless for a few months, and I was lucky for the most part. Still, there is a fundamental disconnect between fiction and reality that takes some time to register. Youthful drama is living in the fictional models even while the facts are unfolding around you.

“o/t, went over for a laugh at LGF today, and see old Chuckie is still banging on about Pammy, VB, and all that racist crap at Brussels Journal. For a bonus laugh, he seems to have banned that stupid old wanker, Fjordman, who took a major hissy fit.”

Awesome. I’m glad that thing is still going on. And wow! Charles has gotten on the bad side of the Gates of Vienna crowd! I’m almost starting to respect him (not really).

Hopefully we can get some good S,N! take downs out of this.

Gary is within all of us. It’s touching really, like a cheesy Christmas special.

Or maybe it’s:”The fault, dear Brutus, is not within the Garys but within our selves.”

One Gary to rule them all…

O.K. sorry about all that. I’m done.

Lawnguy–they’re all advocating mass deportation of Muslims from Europe after attending a summit they created there in Brussels. Hell yes, I denounce the entire crowd! However, one of them seems to think I care about her insane ass and is following me around, so I best be careful or she’ll end up here spouting her REALLY insane crap. Ugh, just mail me.

Gundam, yeah, it has to do with that. GOV are the ones advocating genocide, but they’re following links and, well, actually, the stuff “Dymphna” is leaving is pretty humorous. Just check LGFWatch. My price for leaving the dark side, eh? The emails are more priceless though. Jeez, what was I thinking? I even “voted for the other guy”!

(caveat to anyone brave enough to read them, I just started using my actual name, I’m not sneaking around the web using ‘disguises’ or whatever.)

Oh, and Steyn still gets it for his strange worries about the Great White North. When is he going to finally get concerned about Rush? I’m waiting….

Sometimes they get converted to gay nightclubs.

What? Where are these churches turned into nightclubs? Cause, actually, that sounds really cool.

At first I thought you were just exaggerating Lileks’s whining about the Nintendo Wii for comic effect, but then I went and read the article. Wow. I have to confess, I don’t find “if you don’t do what I want you to, my child will lose faith in Santa Claus” to be a particularly compelling argument. Then again, I don’t spend my time collecting and photographing amusing matchbooks and cheeky pickle jars, so I’m really not Lileks’s target audience.

And to find that the aging fuddy-duddy Minnesotan humor columnist he was complaining about was Garrison Effing Keillor? Comedy gold. Does anyone really believe that Lileks really intends to level an honest intellectual criticism against Keillor? I sort of suspect that every night, after reading Gnat another chapter from “Ali Baba and the Forty Islamofascists,” he retires to his special soundproofed room where he rages impotently at the heavens and swears a spittle-flecked oath to topple Garrison Keillor from his throne as Folksy Humorist-King of Minnesota.

If you want a picture of Minnesota humor, picture Garrison Keillor’s boot stomping on James Lileks’s face — forever.

Gay nightclubs! Gay nightclubs!

Steyn! Steyn! Steyn!

Where are these churches turned into nightclubs?

Sounds to me like beating swords into ploughshares. I mean, WTF, what does that actually mean? What is a ploughshare? If it’s like a timeshare on a plough, that does not sound to me like a great deal of use. And however much you beat a sword, that is not going to to convert it into anything else except maybe a slightly bent and dented sword.
If you’re after a plough, go straight to Massey-Fergusson or John Deere… all this arsing around with sword recycling just strikes me as a waste of time.

If you want a picture of Minnesota humor, picture Garrison Keillor’s boot stomping on James Lileks’s face — forever.

Hell, I want the T-shirt of that. It’s almost breathtaking to see Kid Forehead try to fisk Keillor’s column, sort of like watching him tilt at a windmill if the windmill is a semi coming head-on and Lileks is on Gnat’s Big Wheel trying to burn off some of the frustration of not being able to buy a Wii at Target.