Looks like we picked the right time to move to Europe

Sure, everybody here hates America, despises freedom and loves gays. But at least we’re not about to be killed by al Qaeda’s extensive arsenal of nuclear bombs:

Williams presents clear evidence showing that, in the chaos following the breakup of the Soviet Union, the Chechen Mafia got its hands on portable Russian nuclear weapons. Between 1996 and 2001, mafia members negotiated the sale of twenty nuclear “suitcase bombs” to representatives of Osama bin Laden. Far worse than so-called “dirty bombs,” each suitcase bomb is capable of killing millions of Americans while exposing millions more to deadly radioactive fallout. According to Williams, reliable sources indicate that these bombs may already be in the possession of al Qaeda operatives in such major cities as New York, Washington, Miami, Chicago, Las Vegas, Houston, and Los Angeles.

Do you know what time it is America? It’s time to… duck and cowver!

Also included in the book are bin Laden’s “Letters to America” and his “Declaration of War against the Americans Occupying the Land of the Two Holy Places,” as well as the World Islamic Statement declaring “Jihad against Jews and Crusaders.”

And if you call now, you can also get your very own copy of bin Laden’s 25 Tips for Making the Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey. You’ll also get bin Laden’s How to get the most out of your rotisserie BBQ oven. Remember, these products are not available in stores! Call within the next 30 minutes, and learn how to hide those nasty bald spots because you never know when you might lose your turban.

Although the media have reported on some of these threatening developments and government insiders have acknowledged the threat of nuclear attack, until now no one has put all the pieces together in a coherent, nonsense way.

Right, until now.


Comments: 10


“a coherent, nonsense way” -?

The mind boggles, and bows down in concession. There is no way that mere mortals can even parody this stuff.


Good job bin Laden has kept a low profile since he got the nukes in 1996, otherwise there would be all kinds of people after him now and his plan to obliterate the US would be far harder to carry out.

By the way, isn’t blatant profiteering from fear-mongering in a time of national crisis a bit…unpatriotic?


Like the picture of the suitcase bomb. That pic has been batted around for more than 10 years. And amusing irony is that (1) it’s actually an American nuclear artillery shell, (2) if it contained the nuclear material it would weigh something like 70 pounds, and (3) it can’t be detonated as shown, the whole thing needs to be assembled into something about the size of a foot locker. No, “suitcase” bombs are something of a red herring. A trunk bomb is real, but why would mafiosi sell them to Osama when they could surely get better deals with Saddam or Qaddafi or some other tyrant?


What’s OBL waiting for? Christmas? Oh, he’s going to obliterate all those cities to disrupt our electoral process. A waste of time: we can do that all on our own.


The news media here in Cloggie-land have been full of Tom Ridgesque warnings about possible al-Qaeda strikes in Holland (and Belgium too, but who cares?).

But there’s no kandy-kolored warning system in place here yet… for one thing, they’d have to find some other color to replace orange.


I think the folks at NewsMax are beginning to betray the fact that they know they are peddling garbage. To quote the tail end of the article “Although the media have reported on some of these threatening developments and government insiders have acknowledged the threat of nuclear attack, until now no one has put all the pieces together in a coherent, nonsense way.” (emphasis mine)


I also see that I need to thoroughly read the other comments before posting idiotic redundancy.



Another good one:

“Former consultant for the FBI an organized crime and international terrorism and a seasoned investigative reporter…”

I think the typos are deliberate, a clever X-K-Red-27 technique designed to make us appear more stupid to Al Queda than we already are, so that they will underestimate us and reveal which glass contains the iocaine powder!


And for seasoning your investigative reporter for the rotisserie BBQ grill, may I suggest “W Ketchup”, the condiment of the RNC?


Well okay. I’m glad I don’t live in Houston anymore.

Can the cat and I come sleep on your couch should the briefcases of doom strike? I wonder if they’ll be delivered by businessmen of doom?


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