Remember the sort of interpretation our Cal puts on these centuries of ethical and religious teachings. Along the lines of “Those who defy the will of God by disagreeing with me have earned death by torture, and afterwards my merciful God will punish them with an eternity of torture.”

The television thriller thing is pretty lame, though.

I think Cal Thomas may be the World’s Dumbest Pundit. I’ve been inflicting his wisdumb on myself forever–his columns always appeared in the newspaper of the town where I grew up. I can’t decide if he looks more or less horrifying without the ‘stache. Either way, he ain’t a pretty sight.

Thomas is one of those columnists who have just the right amount of oxlike stupidity for small town newspapers and local barber shops.

Cid- yeah but that was published by the WASHINGTON POST. Life is so depressing.

Jeezus, where would the wingnuts be without Jack Bauer? It’s pretty pathetic when your entire philosophical argument on an issue requires the standard bearing of a fictitious character.

What was Reagan if not a fictional character?

I’m more popular than Jesus Christ.

Ass.

But it was on the TeeVee! Everything on there is true. Except for the M.S.M. news shows and those commercials and sitcoms that make men look stupider than their wives and children of course. And Colbert. And Olbermann. But all those shows with terrorists are true. Except when they aren’t Muslim of course. But the terrorists in 24 are islamocommunists so it’s a valid piece of evidence.

Jeezus, where would the wingnuts be without Jack Bauer? It’s pretty pathetic when your entire philosophical argument on an issue requires the standard bearing of a fictitious character.

Why oh, why could’nt they have chosen McGyver?

Will you idiots forget about 24 already? It is a television show, and that means, I repeat, it is fictional. Camera crews do not follow Jack Bauer around as he fights terrorists. If you start to wonder where the new episodes of 24 are while the screenwriters are striking, this will be why.

Seriously, I doubt citing liberal Hollywood for justification is a precedent you want to set. Cut it out, or we’ll start arguing the Iraq War is a violation of the Prime Directive.

that was published by the WASHINGTON POST

Well, it was on washingtonpost.com. It’s actually that stupid “religion” “blog” that the Newsweek side of things runs. I think the Newsweek “blog” mavens are also responsible for the occasional appearances of Dinesh D’Souza over there.
Most of my awareness of it comes from the blurbs that occasionally show up on the WaPo web site front page – they are almost always, as with Cal’s today, ineffably stupid, a la:
“Susan Jacoby: By sanctioning torture, we turn our backs on civilization.

Cal Thomas: By prohibiting torture, we put civilization at risk.”

I can’t decide if the person who wrote Cal Thomas’s blurb hates him or loveshim.

Here’s my version of Shorter Cal Thomas:

Terrorists will torture you whether you are for or against torture, so you might as well be for it.

Why oh, why could’nt they have chosen McGyver?

Good choice, but I personally favor Quincy, M.E. as the model of ideal reaction to domestic security affairs. Most terroristic acts are caused by punk rock music or surreptitious poisonings and can be dealt with by a determined forensic coroner who will not take any of the police’s “case closed” bullcrap. Also, living on a houseboat makes a man’s mind razor sharp.

Hey, Dershowitz sayz if it was good enough for the Nazis, its good enough for us!. So turn that frown upside down and waterboard some French resistance fighter today. You’ll be glad you did.

Most terroristic acts are caused by punk rock music or surreptitious poisonings and can be dealt with by a determined forensic coroner who will not take any of the police’s “case closed” bullcrap. Also, living on a houseboat makes a man’s mind razor sharp.

AND he doesnt need fancy blue lighting or CGI of the vic’s aorta being eatten by cockroches to solve a case- UNLIKE OTHER forensic coroners I could mention.

Yeah, ya gotta love the Quincy angle. That dude put up with NO shenanigans from the authorities, and yes, living on a houseboat is a sure sign of superior intellect.

Umm, unless of course you happen to be a decorated military veteran with a penchant for hookers, big money Republican fund-raisers who dress in black raincoats with matching evil-guy black hat. Oh, and you must like saunas with dirty, nasty water as well.

“Why oh, why could’nt they have chosen McGyver?”

Why mess with torture when you can turn a kitchen match into a jet airplane ?

Gads, that man’s makeup is SCARY.

And he argues for torture in the “Christian” section of the “On Faith” editorial.

And these shitheels whine when Atheists call Christianity an abomination?

Why oh, why could’nt they have chosen McGyver?

What, no love for Magnum, PI?

Have a Ferrari, a 1911 colt and a surfboard. Will travel. At least to H?na…

mikey

Jim Rockford had some smarts and he also had Angel, who could easily pass for a swarthy terrorist and infiltrate Osamas’ gang.

That was supposed to be Hana. You know, as in Maui?

WordPress hates unicode.

Hmm, but then, so do I…

mikey

If Jack Bauer’s word is final on the legal and moral problem of using torture, then let’s take House’s opinions on drug abuse and patient rights as the last word on those subjects. Let’s use legal precedents that have been set by judges appearing in “Boston Legal.” Let’s give our police officers the kind of latitude (and short shorts) they need to do their jobs, like the understanding citizens of Reno, in “RENO 911.” Oh, and Shark is a good model for prosecuting attorneys everywhere. If D.A. Mike Nifong had followed Shark’s example, those innocent Duke students would be doing hard time right now, and the world would be a better place for it.

/snark

How goddam shallow can you get?

Cal Thomas is one of the main cocksuckers who made me hate the 80’s- his smug-ass manner, piggy little eyes, tiny hamburger patty-looking toupee, pissy little desk-cop mustache. Him and Falwell. For a long time you couldn’t turn on CNN without seeing one of their ass faces.

Cal Thomas is George the Animal Steele after the South Beach Diet and a painted-on rug.

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/2435/166fr.jpg

Or,

Bernie Kerik in the prison shower.

Hey, if we’re talking about fighting evil with fictional characters, why has nobody mentioned Kolchak? There’s nothing finer than a bandy reporter in a crumpled suit, fearlessly chasing down vampires and zombies and assorted monsters.

I mean, that’s real evil. Put Bauer up against a vampire and he’s just an aperitif.

All I can say is that the Smurfs never tortured Gargamel and their society works great.

Jack Bauer was a vampire once.

I guess he got better.

Why not Kojak? I mean, if Telly Savalas can’t scare the be-jesus out of a swarthy middle eastern type terrorist, nobody can.

Who loves ya baby!

Oh man. Okay I’m sure everyone reads TPM but…

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/058225.php

In fact, I think we should just recruit the Dukes, and their trusty old steed, the Gen’l Lee (fuck I hated that show and that car … then again, I’m a true blue dyed in the wool Yankee [northerner, not a fucking Steinbrenner clone]).

We could get Luke and the other guy to chase the terrorists down. Then Cooter comes in with the power tools, followed by the “honey pot” Daisy, who plays good cop and has a rousing gangbang with a bunch of Omar Sharif looking dudes.

Oh, and Uncle Jessie would be working the video cam.

Bubba, it just figures that a commie symp like you would cite the Smurfs as proof of the superiority of non-torturing.

Everybody knows the Smurfs were Communists.

Kolchak was not only a great vampire-fighter, but he managed to make that ugly straw hat look… well.

It was still ugly, but he got away with it.

I like how he’s getting ripped apart by the commenters… You know you’re an idiot when everyone shows up on your blog just to rip you a new one

the trailer for the new season of the TV series “24” features Jack Bauer testifying before a congressional committee on the subject of torture. Bauer is asked if he defends torture and responds that if it is needed to save lives, he will use it.

And face prosecution and jail time for such actions?
Oh, right.
Go to commercial.

Shorter Ann Coulter:

I found a really long book that agrees with me about Joe McCarthy, and that proves all liberals are liars, even the ones who have never said a word about Joe McCarthy.

Qatesh, if yer gonna talk smack about Carl Kolchak, I’m gonna have to ask you to step outside, even if he was a total scumbag in The Man With The Golden Arm.

Anyway, Cal Thomas’s review of “Street Trash” (sorry, no link) in a column syndicated to the Houston post oh those many years ago made me want to watch it all the more. And it was quite good.

Join us MIchael!

Jjack Bauer was also Dr. Schreber, inspiration for Freud, so what does that prove?

All of this proves that Cal Thomas is a true American original.

And he argues for torture in the “Christian” section of the “On Faith” editorial

Ignoring how his religion’s eponym was tortured and then executed for his beliefs.

If Cal* doesn’t believe in his own religion anymore, why should anybody else?

(*Nadsat for “shit”)

Where’s the love for Steve McGarrett and Dan-o? Sheesh!

(The funny thing about the IMDB link is that Jack Lord’s photo is from back then and James MacArthur’s photo is from now.)

I always thought that Kolchak was actually scared shitless about his gig.

At the very least, I believe Keifer was briefly planning to be a vampire waiter. Stuff would be blown up. It was going to have been tremendously exciting.

(Look! “Made in Canada” reference! Not real! But he did play himself, more or less, for whatever it’s worth.)

Jjack Bauer was also Dr. Schreber, inspiration for Freud, so what does that prove?
I’d pay good money to watch a movie version of Schreber’s memoires. Preferably directed by Cronenberg.

Ricky Fuckin Reardon From Revere,

That was soooo not cool, linking to that picture of the woolly abomination.

I just forwarded the link to some of my best friends.

Afterward I restarted my computer, because I couldn’t see where to click to close that damn picture on account of my eyes being squeezed tight shut.

Jim Rockford had some smarts and he also had Angel, who could easily pass for a swarthy terrorist and infiltrate Osamas’ gang.

Also, he lived in a trailer at the beach which is the next best thing to a houseboat. And he respected his father, though he did get exasperated with the old coot at times. (I would too, if I had to live with my dad in my mid-40s.)

Further he was a private investigator. This surely fits into the free-enterprise model of counterterrorism and intelligence-gathering favored by the contractees of Blackwater, DynCorp, and CusterBattles.

On the other hand, Jim did get beat up a lot. Like, every episode.

Ok, how about Baretta? That little bastard actually killed someone in real life! That’s a tough tv cop.

That little bastard actually killed someone in real life! That’s a tough tv cop.

“Real life?” You mean TV isn’t real life?

</Cal Thomas>

A society which abandons its healthy respect for torture may soon find itself on the slippery slope toward civilization.

Men like Cal Thomas stand ready to stop that slide.

Thanks. I read this tripe earlier today.

He’s really not that far off from “Criminals break the law, so why doesn’t the government?”

Religious torture such as forced conversions?
Let me get this straight: making someone pray to strange gods = torture. Drowning = not torture.
What the…
I mean, seriously…
Someone please tell me this is a nightmare. I beg you.

I used to see Cal on all the Talking Head shows as a yout. I wonder what he did to make them angry?

Could it be because he’s completely insane?

Ann Coulter should consider this a cautionary tale. If he/she isn’t already.

Godddamn, we are so fucked. Sometimes I think Billmon had it right. Checking out altogether has a lot of appeal as far as my sanity goes.

No phone, no internet connection, no TV, no radio…jeez, I would probably enjoy myself most of the time!

Ahhh, shit. I’ll die without HD. And I have a hardwired tendency to fight. The real question is just how far I’m willing to be pushed.

What if someone has a bomb implanted in them that is automatically set off when their adrenaline spikes? in that case torture could actually cause the bomb to go off!

Hey, look, it could happen in some dumb TV show…isn’t that good enough. Fight stupid with stupid.

[…] November 7, 2007 Brilliant Analysis Posted by John O under Political | Tags: 24, Cal Thomas, sociopaths, Stupid is as stupid writes, Torture |   Courtesy, as is so often the case, S,N! […]

If we’re going to run our lives by a TV show, I vote for Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

On with the pixie hats! In with the skating vicar!

Making fun of Cal, eh? Not very nice.

B4B has officially called the race for Funniest Blog in Sadly No’s favor. May I be the first to congratulate you on your award.

The real question is just how far I’m willing to be pushed.

Therein lies the real question, does it not?

To stop the slide, some of us would actually have to risk a LOT.

So far, other than Cindy, who has been willing to pay the price?

Kinda sad. We talk a good game, you and me and every one of us.

We know what we SHOULD be doing.

We know there’s no front end support. We’d have to sacrifice ourselves to build the groundswell.

It would have to be more important to us than our safety, our comfort, our income, our freedom.

Many have given everything to roll back the depredations of state power.

And I dunno, guys. I’m like you. I’m waiting for somebody else to lead…

mikey

Damn, talk about your sour grapes. Who knew that Sadly No was the new Wermacht?

B4B’s concession post is umm, shall we say, a bit shrill.

“It’s official. They won. Probably by cheating. That’s the only logical explanation.
A preliminary investigation of time stamps has conclusively suggested that SN is headquartered in Germany. It figures. What will you guys do for an encore, invade Poland?”

Does this mean Jillian is Erwin Rommel? Seb is a foreigner so that means he’s Mussolini, and Brad must be Otto Skorzeny.

“A preliminary investigation of time stamps has conclusively suggested that SN is headquartered in Germany”

See ??? No one believed me yesterday !!

I so hope Jillian is Ilsa, she-Nazi.

Actually for a wingnut he’s not that bad. He truly believes the bullshit he deposits on the public stage. One of the best ever Bill Moyer’s interviews was with Cal. Talk about Matter and Anti-Matter in close proximity.

also, how does one “conclusively suggest” something ?

I nominate Kevin for Rudolf Hess!

I read the “Blogs4Brownback” piece. That site’s a parody right? I guess I’ve been reading you guys long enough to not be surprised if it isn’t, but I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s some kind of Swiftian thing.

If it isn’t, I guess it didn’t occur to him that “the Sad Sack” is winning because it’s just funnier, German based or not. Hard to believe I know. Much more realistic that it’s the result of leftist Nazi euro-fag tampering by histories greatest monster George Soros and the traitor John Cole.

OK, Cal, when I finish taking Alan Dershowitz for a ride on my waterboard – you’re next.

Shorter Mickey Rooney

“If you start to wonder where the new episodes of 24 are while the screenwriters are striking, this will be why.”

Bah. You can just film Jack and Chloe screaming, “THERE’S NO TIME!!!”, kill off a few useless side characters in a hail of bullets, maybe have Jack stab a few people with his pen knife, and call it an episode.

It’s only a matter of time before some cop wanders into a stall next to Cal’s. He’s got foot tapper and lacy thong wearer written all over him.

It is not coincidental that the trailer for the new season of the TV series “24” features Jack Bauer testifying before a congressional committee on the subject of torture. Bauer is asked if he defends torture and responds that if it is needed to save lives, he will use it.

Not coincidental because…wtf? Lucky for him there’s on teevee show being scripted by The Whitehouse and not some gay lesbian liberal lovemaker.

(If I was starring in that bottom of the barrel crapfest called 24, I’d be drunk driving these days too. Don’t know how he explains it to his dad. The money rocks?!!!!)

The fact is, it will be better television of the White House wrote the script for 24 instead of some liberal trade unionist who reads too much Marx and secretly hates America. I want to see Jack Bauer defecate on jihadists.

Ugh, fake Gary and his dirty sanchez fantasies are getting smelly.

I believe that if showing the soles of our feet, exposing penii and defecation on the person of islamic terrorists is effect at intimidating them and getting information we should do it. After all, they cut off our heads and stone infidels, including your friends the gays.

Wow, he must go to the church of moral relativism where Jesus says ‘Love thy neighbor, unless they don’t love you and it would put you at a disadvantage.’

[…] Unto Others? Never Heard That Via Sadly, No!, I find this post by Cal Thomas: There is a double standard when it comes to this subject. We in […]

Amen, but the fact is, it is not moral relativism if they do not love our freedom, our God, and our country back. If we do not punish them for this, God has indicated in the Bible that he hekps those who help themselves. I will help put Jonny Jihad in hell. But you liberals obstruct with talk of “rights”. THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL US. The consititution is not a suicide pact.

Ugh. Fake Gary is boring. Same old tired talking points from 2003. Get some new lines, man.

Okay, who’s got Gary’s emergency contact information? It’s time to call his mom and see if she can get his doctor to call his prescription in to the pharmacy. He’s seriously off his meds.

Can somebody call security?

The consititution is not a suicide pact.

Neither is Horton Hears a Who.

It would be fun if the cast of 24 ad-libbed an episode.

Terrorists will torture you whether you are for or against torture, so you might as well be for it.

Perfect. It’s the wingnut version of Pascal’s Wager.

And – just a thought – I thought the whole point of Jack Bauer testifying that he’d do torture anyway if it would save a life is that – torture IS illegal, and Jack Bauer (the fictional character) is providing the viewing audience the emotional and moral tension embodied by his terrible choice – to obey the law or to break the law as a means to gain a greater good in this particular instance.

If we didn’t outlaw torture, wouldn’t we be depriving Jack Bauer, and therefore “24,” of the critical moral dilemma that is central to the plot?

If torture were legal, then Jack Bauer would just go – “Oh, hey, no problem, bring on the electrodes.” And the scene wouldn’t work.

If torture were legal, “24” would totally suck.

So – for those on the right who don’t value the constitution and the rule of law and the rights of man – just think of it this way. If torture were legal, your favorite television shows would suck [more than they already do].

Look son, if Billy Jones pulled out someone’s fingernails would you do it too?

I remember Cal’s argument about how gays should not be allowed to marry because we were heathens who only wanted to shack up together in sin. I wrote a LTTE saying that it was the most flatulent peice of pretzel logic I’d ever seen. My friends enjoyed seeing the word flatulent in the newspaper.

I can’t decide if he looks more or less horrifying without the ’stache. Either way, he ain’t a pretty sight.

And what’s up with the “tongue action?”

Why oh, why could’nt they have chosen McGyver?

The family values crowd has a teensy problem with guys who might be able to fashion a bomb fuse from their girlfriend’s pubic hairs.

I was going to suggest Hawaii Five-O, but Doodle Bean beat me to it.

If I was going to live my life according to a television show, it would have to be Teletubbies. Except for that scary ass baby The Sun, creepily looking down from on high like some sort of really immature god, life would be pretty near idyllic. Like living with a mild hit of mescaline in your system, or maybe some shrooms, all day every day. Throw in some wine and I be there. And nobody cares if you’re tubby. Sammiches for everyone!

Cal Thomas has irritated me for years. Every once in a while our local rag throws him in for some sort of sop to the wingnuts who are always howling that the paper is a crazy moonbat enterprise. Once upon a time, in the days before Gnat/USAirhead Today bought it, that allegation was maybe true. But now . . . let’s just say that I’d bet money they’ll endorse Hillary. Neoliberal lite, the Des Moines Register is. But their wingnut appeasement no longer seems to include that horrible Kathleen Parker or Suzanne Fields, as it once did, so that’s all to the good. We do get a dose of Krauthammer now and then, though.

I want to see Jack Bauer defecate

Umm, Gary?

Are you familiar with the concept of “Too Much Information”?

‘Cause I really didn’t wanna know that…

mikey

The consititution is not a suicide pact.

No, it’s a written document setting forth the fundamental principles that form the basis for our government and our society. Men and women have been willing to die to preserve those principles for over 200 years. And if you’re willing to tear it up to save your skin from some trumped-up “threat,” then you obviously don’t give a shit about those principles, and you have no fucking idea what it meant to those who wrote it and those who fought and died for it. Go change your underwear, you dickhead.

an image search for Gary Ruppert lead me here.

the spam filter seems to be working overtime again. links aren’t being accepted.

I want to see Jack Bauer defecate on jihadists.

Gary, you’re about a decade too late for the old “Geraldo” show.

I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell.

Oh well…

mikey

mikey, that’s Jack White, not Jack Bauer.

I’m glad I’m not the only one with a long-standing annoyance at Cal . He’s been an idiot for so long, but at least he served to inoculate me, somewhat, for people like Coulter and Jonah.

I’m glad I’m not the only one with a long-standing annoyance at Cal .

Count me in, too. But I once saw a great LTTE in the local rag from a self-described liberal thanking the paper for carrying Cal Thomas. Thomas, the letter-writer said, was a boon to liberals because as such a troglodyte blaming everything on sin and homosexuals, Thomas posed no risk of converting sensible political fence-sitters to conservatism.

I’ve since come to appreciate Cal a bit in that light, but in no other way.

Jack Bauer doesn’t have the balls to disobey a law to save thousands of lives, right? We need to make it legal, because he fears imprisonment, or at least losing a pay grade if he crosses the line in an interrogation.

Wait, he said he’d do it anyway, so why. . . .

He’s already been in prison ????!!!!!!

Actually, it kinda feels different from tv the first time you have to operate in the real world.

So, say you had weapons in the house for thirty years.

Never needed ’em for nothing more than impressing your cousin Vito.

But now it’s 2:30 in the morning.

You got awakened by pounding on your door.

There’s shouting outside.

You hold your discipline, bless yoour little heart, and you don’t fire through the door. You back up and try to get some control of the situation.

Just then, the bolt gives on the door, it bursts in with a loud crash, and 8 bodies pour through the opening.

Do you fire?

There will be a test…

mikey

Yikes mikey, why’d you post that right before bedtime?

Just then, the bolt gives on the door, it bursts in with a loud crash, and 8 bodies pour through the opening.

Do you fire?

You torture ’em until they tell you what’s up. Duh.

Isn’t there a station break just about now?

What if someone has a bomb implanted in them that is automatically set off when their adrenaline spikes?
What if someone has a bomb implanted in them that is automatically set off when they realise that there’s a bomb implanted in them?
It happened in a P. K. Dick story, so it must be true.

What if someone has a bum implanted in them that is automatically set off when their adrenaline spikes?

Do you fire?

I just throw my crazy-mean stranger-hatin’ cat at them. Then they run screaming into the night. I know this is a violation of international law, but damn it, I did it to save lives, man.

Just then, the bolt gives on the door, it bursts in with a loud crash, and 8 bodies pour through the opening.

You have time to count them?

Kudos for the Dick reference. There’s also a pretty bad movie version with Gary Sinease and Tony Shalub.

Jack Bauer doesn’t have the balls to disobey a law to save thousands of lives, right? We need to make it legal, because he fears imprisonment, or at least losing a pay grade if he crosses the line in an interrogation.

Didn’t he also purposely get addicted to drugs to fight terrorism? Maybe coke and heroine should be legal too.

You know, all things considered, the wingnuts COULD have picked a worse fictional role model then Jack Baeur….Beaur…B…rrerreeraur….

http://ilc.rkmc.hct.ac.ae/speed.jpg

THERE”S NO TIME!!!!

What if someone has a bum implanted in them that is automatically set off when their adrenaline spikes?

If implanted bum was crafted from a wingnut you end up with coagulated cheeto splatter all over your house instead in the toilet bowl where they were just…yesterday.

…and still are, those unflushable little devils.

Anyone bothered by the mini drama on Capitol Hill, with Rep. Tom Lantos berating Yahoo for doing in China basically the same thing the White House has had telecom companies do.

While technologically and financially you are giants, morally you are pygmies.”

Except for one, um, difference. In China it was legal, here the telecoms broke the law to help the administration.
More here

Is that anything like Condi Rice commentating on Pakistan that it’s crazy that any nation would compromise their Constitution in the name of fighting terror, Aka?

I’m trying to think what, exactly, would have to come to light from our current government that would surprise and shock me any more. The only thing I can come up with it “organized rape ring.” And even THEN, it would have to be from some of the more civilized states.

Didn’t he also purposely get addicted to drugs to fight terrorism?
No, no, that was an episode of Miami Vice.
Incidentally, it wasn’t me who admitted that. Someone must be name-spoofing me.

What if someone has a bum implanted in them that is automatically set off when their adrenaline spikes?
I believe that the late lamented Snakefinger wrote a song about that very scenario. Doesn’t seem to be available on YouTube, alas.

The consititution is not a suicide pact.

Millions dead defending it.

Trillions of dollars spent supporting it.

The consititution is not a suicide pact.

Nope, you cowardly motherfucker its an obligation…

Let the constitution be a suicide pact. Anyone who does not want to defend it as it is can get the hell out and go find a nice, safe monarchy to live in.

Heh.

Ace of Playdoh is beating Michelle in the weblogawards!

He really deserves to win.

I mean, you could carve your initials in the layer of makeup on Cal Thomas’s face.

The constitution may not be a “suicide pact,” but it does clearly outline the principles and conditions under which the signers felt a nation worthy or not worthy of survival.

Lesley,

Thanks for that great image of gary! It’s better than his mugshot!

(h/t to DJ)

I remember Cal being a conservative curmudgeon way way back … 1980s at least … and he was kind of old even then, but still the same pompous, moralizing, self-righteous bitch that he is now.

What happened to Cal’s mustache? Did I miss something? He always had that Village People mustache, luxuriant and bushy, that coyly hinted at a secret second life of sucking strangers dicks in some fetid glory hole.

My gut, or perhaps just my intestinal parasites, tell me that Cal is “ted haggard gay”. I predict a scandal involving meth, gay hookers, multiple wetsuits, and an assortment of dildos deployed in a seedy public toilet.

The fact is, liberals hate our consitution because there are not enough special rights for gays and minorities in it, they want to amend it so make us all lazy, dependent and softened up for invasion by islamists.

I always thought Gary looked something like this:

http://www.cord.edu/dept/sports/sportsbackup/highimage/flann_derek_02_hr.jpg

Barnaby Jones could save us all.

Gary’s right. There are no ‘special’ rights in the Constitution.

The rights that are in there just need to be applied to everybody equally INCLUDING gays and minorities.

Gary and the Republicans sure loves them some constitution though. They love it so much they been using it for toilet paper, when they’re not shredding it to tiny little bits, which they love also. As far as actually USING it, though, they really can’t be bothered because there’s people to TORTURE, man!

gary’s also right about our super-secret plans. Who the hell leaked the info about Special Constitution Project: Make Us All Lazy, Dependent and Softened Up for Invasion by Islamists?

I’m looking at you, Krassen!!!

The government couldn’t openly produce TV shows to advocate and get you to feel comfortable with torture, so they and Fox invented Jack Bauer to do it for them. Jack has done his job well.