The news is good. Now tell me what the news is!

The distinguished professor from Tennessee links to this story with the mention “THIS SEEMS LIKE GOOD NEWS:”

TERRORISM: Why al Qaeda is Fleeing Iraq […]

Al Qaeda has found the atmosphere even more hostile elsewhere in Iraq, and many of the terrorists have returned home.

So let’s see if we get this straight:

One of the “great” things about the war in Iraq was that the US got to fight the war on terror as an “away game” — ‘we’ kill them there so that they do not kill ‘us’ in Albuquerque. The other variant of this was the old flypaper trick: any evidence of foreign fighters was good news:

He has to tell the American people that more violence in Iraq may not in some circumstances be a bad thing. It may be a sign that we are flushing out terror and confronting it, rather than passively waiting for it to attack again.

Now that these alleged “foreign terrorists” are leaving, this too is good news. So let’s recap:

More foreign terrorists = good news
Fewer foreign terrorists = good news

So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?


Comments: 17


If terrorists attack before the elections, vote for Bush, otherwise you’re giving in to terrorists. If terrorists don’t attack, vote for Bush, because he’s keeping us safe.


With logic like InstaMutt uses, surely you can understand why he has to teach law, rather than practice it. He would starve if he had to actually be a lawyer and do lawyer stuff in a courtroom.

PLus, note that he is a lawyer teacher at a very second rate lschool.


So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?

I doubt they’ll be able to spin a Bush defeat in November into good news. But then again, one can never underestimate a right whinger’s capacity for self delusion.


It’s not a defeat for Bush, it’s a defeat for the Clinton Conspiracy.


Many of the Saudi’s who were in Iraq have returned home to commit more acts of terrorism, after getting their training and practice in Iraq. Anyone care to try spinning this into good news?


Anyone care to try spinning this into good news?

It gives more justification for spreading the war throughout the Middle East! And that means, you know, like, freedom and stuff. Eventually.


It’s all part of Dubya’s master plan, that only looks like a flailing make-it-up-as-we-go-along pig’s breakfast.


Ah yes, the InstaTautology: all events in the Middle East prove that George Bush is a genius.


More foreign terrorists = good news
Fewer foreign terrorists = good news

So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?

The Right loves this sort of mind-fuck. Similarly, any time Iraq seems to be settling down, that’s good news. But if all hell if breaking loose, that’s good too, because it shows the bad guys are desperate.

Another fun thing is criticizing Dems for stuff that is at least equally applicable to the GOP (often more so). E.g.:

(1) Dem Presidents and Dem-majority Congresses are irresponsible spendthrifts, and we need a balanced budget amendment to rein in the maniacs. When Dubya and the Republican Congress produce record-smashing deficits, that’s fine — except that we need to “make the tax cuts permanent” so that the deficits become even more obscene.

(2) Democratic pork, bad; much greater quantities of Republican pork, excellent.

(3) The RNC has a Monopoly-like game called “Kerryopoly” that shows that Kerry is a rich guy who’s out of touch with Joe Six-Pack. Bush and Cheney are each worth tens of millions of dollars, but they’re just regular guys.

(4) Edwards, completing his sixth year in the U.S. Senate, is unfit to be Vice President of the United States. But Bush, after six years in the fifth most powerful position in Texas state government, was amply qualified to be President of the United States.

(5) Democrat-supporting actors have no business talking about politics, and should shut their ignorant yaps. But the Gropinator is eminently qualified to be Governor of California.

(6) Clinton’s consensual extramarital sex — bad. Gropinator’s serial sexual assaults — who cares?

(7) Term limits are good when Democrats control Congress. When Republicans control Congress, they have no interest in them.

(8) Democratic gerrymandering is evil. Republican gerrymandering is great, and should be done any time the Republicans get a majority in any state — screw that “every 10 years” crap.

(9) Clinton lying about blowjobs — must be impeached. Bush lying about everything except blowjobs — who cares?

(10) When it came to Clinton, nothing was too dorky to be a scandal — Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Blowjobgate. When it comes to Dubya, nothing’s big enough to be considered a scandal.

(11) Dean lets a heckler talk for a while, responds to him, then finally tells him to be quiet so Dean can give his speech — how dare he? People are arrested at Bush rallies for daring to wear anti-Bush shirts or carry anti-Bush signs –nothing wrong with that!


So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?

A meteor crashes into the White House, killing God’s Messenger? No, that would be good for the nation, and of course would just mean that God called Bush home.

Wow, this is hard.


Super Chunky fatboy Oliver Willis, arbiter of all things “dishonest,” has yet to “weigh in” (get it? weigh in, ’cause he’s so fuckin’ fat) on Joe “the hair” Wilson’s by-now crystal clear lies. Why’s that, fat ollie?


As far as we know, Oliver’s blog has comments. So why don’t you go over there and let him know how you feel?


Of course: if there were both more and fewer terrorists, then that would be bad news.


More tax cuts for the wealthy! Yeah, that’s the ticket. That will stop terrorism and those who hate our freedoms.


“So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?”

Terrorists begin lobbying for gay marriage. Iraqi provisional government unanimously approves. Insurgent same sex unions lead to less terrorist babies being born. More good news.


GLENN REYNOLDS EFFECT– (n.) The delusion that all possible combinations of events and /or evidence support your conclusion.


hmmm let’s give the ol’ right-wing spin machine a, uh, spin…

EVENT: Saddam Hussein admits he has WMD.
RWS (right-wing spin): Ah HA! We were right!
EVENT: Saddam claims he has no WMD and submits to inspections and submits requested documentation.
RWS: Ah HA! He must be hiding something!

EVENT: Bush doing great in polls.
RWS: Ah HA! America loves our Emperor… er, President!
EVENT: Bush doing poorly in polls, barely above 40%.
RWS: Considering how things are going in Iraq (GREAT, that is!), he’s doing rather well.

EVENT: Economy doing poorly. Few good-paying jobs to be had.
RWS: We’re about to emerge from the Clinton recession! The stock market is up! Tax cuts are working!
EVENT: Economy doing well.
RWS: Ah HA! Tax cuts are working! It’s all Bush’s credit!

EVENT: Increasing violence in Iraq.
RWS: Things are going great there – so great that the Enemies of Peace and Freedom(TM) are fighting even harder against us!
EVENT: Decreasing violence in Iraq.
RWS: Good news! Our occupation – er, liberation, is going just dandy!

how splendid to be a wingnut. You can justify ANYTHING. At least until you run headlong into reality.


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