Prequel: The Prequeling
A sort of drumbeat has been sounding for a couple of days now. The Weblog Awards are on again, and a character named PJ with an anti-Democratic-Underground site called DUmmie FUnnies has been spamming the Jesus out of Free Republic trying to win the Funniest Blog category, and especially to beat the top contender, which is, you know, us.
I need HELP here folks. Two other blogs catching up to me FAST! And one of them is the extreme leftwing Sadly No! Think I’m exaggerating? Just visit that blog and you’ll run down the street urging your neighbors to vote on their computers.
He’s been pinging mass amounts of Freepers with some kind of daily ping list, and posting updates and beg-notices literally every few minutes.
WAKE UP PEOPLE! That is a VILE leftwing sacreligious site. Am I exaggerating? You go and judge for yourself. Seriously. If you do, a lot of folks out there will RUN to their churches this Sunday and URGE fellow members of their congregations to VOTE for the DUmmie FUnnies just to stop Sadly No!
And so on. It’s working so far; he’s currently leading by over 200 votes. And our idea about the whole thing isn’t that we ought to beat him because he’s a mean-spirited, smirking wingnut who spreads crazy right-wing propaganda as his mode of self-expression — as his soul-art, as it were. That seems pretty much to be the case, but everyone has their own thing, and this is, after all, a contest for the ‘funniest’ blog, not the blog that’s the most chill and can the most righteously hang. Our idea is that he deserves to lose because his site is a slapdash pile of lazy-ass suckage that nobody wants to read, and because he doesn’t care and isn’t funny.
It’s not that this PJ guy’s humor isn’t to our taste, or that we miss the joke. It’s that he’s funny like a dial tone, like a speed bump, like a slightly sad face drawn with a Sharpie pen on a used-up light bulb. He isn’t even unfunny; he’s non-funny: He’s apparently been practicing this ‘humor’ thing since the late ’90s, when he used to write zany Clinton Conspiracy tracts (i.e. he’s not just some kid somewhere), and yet, here’s the wow on display in his current about-me thing:
I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being from the 5th dimension. Once every 6000 years I materialize in your dimension in a Las Vegas hotel suite where I chant my holiest of mantras: “RAMA DAMA, I WANNA HOT MAMMA!!!”
Other than materializing in other dimensions, my big hobby is DUmmie observation which I do by observing DUmmies from the Democratic Underground website in my personal DUmmie Ant Farm. I find the DUmmies VERY AMUSING and share my observations of those funny Leftist critters with the rest of the world via my DUmmie FUnnies Blog.
You think I’m cherry-picking, right? You think it couldn’t possibly be that bad all the way through. Here, from yesterday, is his takedown of a William Rivers Pitt comment at Democratic Underground (Pitt is the managing editor of Truthout):
Pied Piper Pitt Panders To Hillary By Slamming Tim Russert
Watch Pied Piper Pitt pathetically pander politically in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, not so subtlely reminding everybody that the DUmmie FUnnies is now in the Weblog Awards contest, is in the [brackets]:
An article that just kicks the **ever-lovin’ shit** out of Tim Russert. Enjoy.
[Pied Piper Pitt Pathetically Panders Political Pathos.]
I sure as hell did. Russert is so full of shit, he squeaks going into a turn; you can smell him coming two counties away.
[Tim Russert s full of it? Remember, folks. This comes from a guy who gave out that great journalistic scoop that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12, 2006.]
Thanks for helping Cheney’s hatchet-men blow up a WMD-hunting CIA NOC agent, Timmy. Valerie Plame, remember?
[Thanx, Pitt, for the great inadvertent comedy material you have provided the DUFUs over the year.]
Thanks, also, for helping them destroy the in-country networks she assembled to gather WMD-threat intelligence data (real threats, I mean, not the bullshit ones you helped spread far and wide…do you even know the difference between “real” and “bullshit” anymore, you jackal?).
[Pitt pushing the notion of pencil pusher Plame as a Spymaster in the league of an Allen Dulles.]
Of note is that Jason Leopold, not Pitt, wrote the article claiming that Rove had been indicted. Also of note is that it’s been proven several times over that Valerie Plame was a CIA Non-Official Cover agent working on WMD counter-proliferation. But whatever. What’s of greatest note is that Pitt got off the only funny line, about Russert being so full of shit he squeaks going into a turn. Meanwhile, the DUmmie FUnnies guy sounds like he’s yelling at the radio. Oh wait, let me put it in [brackets] so you know it’s me.
[The FUNNY DUMMY from DUmmie FUnnies really rants and rails with righteous rhetoric, putting poopy panderers Pitt and Plame in a prickly pinch because they’re Red Commies like Hitler.]
Excelsior. Back to the Freeper vote-begging already in progress:
So far the DUmmie FUnnies is winning by a much wider margin in terms of percentage than any other blog in other category in this contest. However, the sleeping giant, Sadly No!, is beginning to awake.
Wha? Frnf. Arrum-num-num [yawn]. Zz.
Today I stopped by a few offices while on the road. I mean offices in office buildings where I didn’t know a soul. I went into a few offices and asked the secretary if she was connected to the internet. If the answer was in the affirmative, I asked them to go to the DUmmie FUnnies and then click thru the vote link there and vote for the DUFUs for FUnniest Blog. They usually gave me a strange look at first but then chuckled as they clicked thru. I explained to them about being in a big Web contest.
All you single guys can do the same thing this week. A great way to meet hot chicks and you have an excuse to see them again if you want to in order to encourage them to vote on future days until Thursday.
At a certain point, though, the self-promotion and victory-dancing became too much, I say, too much to bear:
If/WHEN the DUmmie FUnnies is published as a book (with CD-ROM insert), I am going to insist that the book party take place at Bukowski’s in Boston.
[needle scratches on record]
Now, Bukowski Tavern is a fine place in the Back Bay with an outstanding beer list. It isn’t one of those Flirtini-vending Boylston Street bars full of off-duty marketing professionals and chirpy Sex And The City wannabes — i.e., it isn’t like Lir, the site of the recent Ace of Spades party.
Fromage aux Ordures Blancs,’ jackasses would stop
craving it.
Bukowski is a place you’d want to hang out at if you were in Boston, and indeed, if you’ve ever lived in Boston, you’ve probably hung out there, or at the satellite Bukowski’s in Cambridge.
Knowing what we know about things and the world, there’s only one reason the DUmmie FUnnies guy would want to sully Bukowski with the presence of his blar-harring, Limbaugh-listening, homo-baiting, waitress-stiffing wingnut friends, if indeed he isn’t just planning to monomaniacally spam Free Republic for a week to generate a Freeper horde as his posse for the night. Yes, one reason alone, and it isn’t the ambiance, the jukebox, the clientele, the Mackeson’s Triple Stout, the Victory Hop Devil, or the Schneider-frickin’-Aventinus. No, the reason is illustrated to the right.
In brief, we have had all that we can stands, and we can’t stands no more. To that degree, allow me to make a statement of foreshadowing. First, vote here, if you’re so inclined (it’s possible and encouraged to vote once per day). Nextly:
I am about to do something very bad.
You liberals wish you were as intelligent and creative as my good friends over at the Free Republic.
I’m twitching with anticipation. Although I’m not sure how anything could be worse than that fucking blink tag.
The lefty trolls at the Democratic-Underground are some of the most vile anti-American spin doctors I have ever seen in my life.
Wow, that’s some belabored, unfunny stuff. I mean, conservative humor can be funny. (Even intentionally). P.J. O’Rourke is funny. But that site is not funny. That site is not near to funny. The light from funny will not reach that site for several years.
But in a culture where Titanic can beat L.A. Confidential for best picture, I guess we can expect this sort of “best” rating.
Dummies are only funny when blogs like SadlyNo poke fun at them, otherwise they are horrifying clowns that scare children and have parents dialing 911.
Vote SADLY!
Think of the turtles!
those turtles are dressed like the Dalai Lama
I dunno, guys. My wife really likes that “I am bossy” blog.
I love sweet potato fries!
Wow, you answered my question and for that, I would even vote for you. I was a contender until he blew by me like I was sitting still and I could not figure out how that was happening. You blowing by me wouldn’t surprise me at all.
Crystal
http://www.boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.com
I will vote for anyone, any time, anywhere you want, Gavin (and yes, I’ve been doing my part every 24 hours) if you will promise never, ever, ever again to make me read any DUFU alliteration. If I wanted that icepick-through-the-ear sensation, I’d click through, ‘K?
Now. About that very bad thing . . . ?
BOSSY is hilarious.
Also, I think DUmmie FUnnies kind of sound like Ted Nugent. That crazy. Than unfunny.
So does all that stuff that DUFU is saying kind of ease the hurt from when S!N was left off Jason Rantz most dangerous list? I think I’d look at it as if I was getting taken out for ice cream after missing out winning the pony. You’ve got to know you’re doing something very right (as in correct).
I am about to do something very bad.
Permalink
Do it! Do it now!
/beavis
Alliteration is funny? Why didn’t someone tell me? All these years I thought it was poetic, or good for pop songs.
RayBan™
Think about it, Gavin.
Can’t for the life of me figure out what it is about the past day or so at SN that immediately transports me back to those moments in seventh grade when the cranially-challenged bullies did something so stupid (about every 5 minutes) that you cringed in sympathy even though you knew you wouldn’t exactly cry when they got their asses kicked . . . Really, dunno what it is. But there’s just something, a saully kind of a boogerybastion feeling to the place that’s really dufu if looked at from just the right (heh) angle.
“All you single guys can do the same thing this week.”
Something tells me that covers a biiiiiig proportion of his readership.
And I will personally give FUcking DUmbass $1,000,000 for every “hot chick” that has ever been seduced by someone badgering them to vote in a weblog competition.
Please.
Careful, kiki.
Your definition of ‘hot chick’ might be slightly different than DUFU’s.
I am really liking this pie. Oh and I did my part and voted.
“I asked them to go to the DUmmie FUnnies and then click thru the vote link there and vote for the DUFUs for FUnniest Blog. They usually gave me a strange look at first but then chuckled as they clicked thru.”
They were laughing at your Zubaz moran.
Please advise as to the date and time of this “very bad thing.”
I, Bastian Foehammer !!!, use commas like a sunnuva bitch, because I have graduated, with a four year degree, in english no less, and am a right proper, demo-hating, truth loving, american. Oooh, that Democratic Unger-ground sight gets my felix up! Get it, unger, felix, felix unger?
Shorter DUFU: In my heart, sir, I know I’m funny.
You know, unless I’m mistaken (very possible, as I view most media awards as pandering circle jerks, and tend to not pay attention at all) , S,N! has won the last two webby awards in a row, so it’s not liek y’all (I’m southern!) have anything left to prove.
However, I shall be voting for you every chance I get reminded and don’t feel very lazy, not because I feel like you deserve to win (see above. Also, I don’t read the other contestants, so it’s kinda moot) but simply because their whiny, simpering, temper tantrum of an anti-S,N! campainge annoys me. Also, they’re not funny.
“If the answer was in the affirmative, I asked them to go to the DUmmie FUnnies and then click thru the vote link there and vote for the DUFUs for FUnniest Blog. They usually gave me a strange look at first but then chuckled as they clicked thru. I explained to them about being in a big Web contest.”
Wha? Wow. Talk about a need for validation. Around here, that’ll get your ass thrown out with the kind suggestion that a return visit to said office building will result in a free night’s rest, courtesy of the County Police Department.
“All you single guys can do the same thing this week. A great way to meet hot chicks and you have an excuse to see them again if you want to in order to encourage them to vote on future days until”
See above.
I think that is the first time I have seen “blink” appropriately used, ever. You should get the webby just for that.
You know what? I’m going to vote for this DUFU guy. The Weblog Awards are a hack outfit that didn’t nominate me for shit. So I think it would be great if they totally disgraced themselves by giving their comedy no-prize to a site that is to comedy what Stephen Hawking is to kick-boxing.
Gavin, you have my respect. What do you need with this stupid Award?
Thank you for clearing those Gavin.
Seems I pissed somebody off…
Ok that was odd..
Dummie Funnies’ hillbilly relatives somehow got access to the Internet and are voting en masse. Or he’s cheating (you know he would if he could).
Owlbear, is somebody trying to impersonate you? Should I go check and see what’s going on?
PJ’s bio page at NewsBusters. He’s very proud of his ping.
“Shorter DUFU: In my heart, sir, I know I’m funny.”
This.
Roy speaks truthily. I’d like to see Sadly, No! win because you guys are actually, you know, funny, but if that chortling fuckstick wins the “Funniest Blog” contest, it would demonstrate exactly how much credibility the Weblog award has.
Huh.
I put the fake comments into moderation until I can figure out what to do with ’em.
Mr. Fake Commenter, please either cut it out or signal that you’re imitating someone via the usual method (i.e. with a phony URL).
I did my best, but it appears the wingnuts consider this very, very important. LGF is dominating best group blog.
Or, IOW, LGF has the best boot-steppers.
The mean-spirited fake comments started up yesterday, when Saul was having his troll eruption. Herr Doktor Bimmler was the initial focus, with some really nasty shit being put out in his name. It’s either Saul, or one of Beth’s (no, the other beth) minions. Jerkwads.
Thannks, Gavin.
Hopefully my own posts will be identifiable.
But at this point I think I get to claim Victory for pissing off a troll!!!!
WOO HOOO!
Gavin, the fake Doktor is trolling the newest post now. Exterminate! Exterminate!
OK, I voted.
I can’t reveal who I voted for (for whom I voted?), since it’s a secret ballot.
How’s Bukowski’s selection of brews on tap?
I read that about me thing. Good God. He tries way, way to hard to be “wacky” it just comes off as embarrassing. Christ, this guys not even in Mallard Fillmore’s league. No wonder he has to motivate wing-nuts to vote for his blog by telling them how it will spite Liberal Sadly, No! for him to win, rather than that he deserves to win because he’s funny. Even though I usually don’t pay attention to this sort of thing, I’m voting for you guys now. This DUmmie FUnnies goober really doesn’t deserve this award, not if this is how he’s going to get it.
I’m making a point of taking time out of every busy day to vote for S,N, and to vote for Orcinus in best political blog.
I’m still waiting for my lolipop.
Hey, my first spoofed post! I’m honored. I’d like to thank the academy, and the micropenis troll with brains to match. As if I’d write “pisser offer.” Dipshit.
If ever my fake identity is in doubt, my hosts, I use an obviously fake e-mail address. It’s all about the weed.
I voted for SadlyNo 2x, so far.
Wow, you answered my question and for that, I would even vote for you. I was a contender until he blew by me like I was sitting still and I could not figure out how that was happening. You blowing by me wouldn’t surprise me at all.
I’m glad you like SadlyNo, Crystal. I read your “Customer Service” story, and I liked it.
and to vote for Orcinus in best political blog.
Yeah, they do deserve to win. Them or Glenn Greenwald.
This weblog awards thing isn’t as good as the Koufaxes.
Ah, If it were only so. But then, I’d knock myself out doing aerobics.
Did I mention that I live to ruin good blogs?
atheist said,
November 4, 2007 at 2:50
I’m not really an atheist though, I’m really more of an agnostic. There could be a God I just really don’t know.
No, spoofer, I’m actually an Atheist.
These are the stoopidest, most unfunny trolls in the recent history of this blog.
atheist said,
November 4, 2007 at 2:55
No I’m actually an agnostic, I just think the term atheist is so much more sexy.
Doppleganger, an atheist is probably the most unsexy thing you can be in the USA. I say I’m an atheist because I am an atheist.
These are the stoopidest, most unfunny trolls in the recent history of this blog.
Isn’t it funny how, every single week they seem to get stoopider.
Have you noticed how people keep saying, “Wow, I miss Gary”, or “Wow, I miss Annie Angel”. We wouldn’t say that if they didn’t keep getting worse.
I think Islam is a very attractive religion though. I actually considered converting to Islam when I was in high school.
Really, doppleganger? What stopped you?
I really like Buddah to. You know that 600 pound fat ass who taught everyone to be content with what they have. Yeah that guy.
Then, do you believe in being content with what you have, doppleganger?
Yes, they do seem to be getting stoopider and more childish all the time. Hey, maybe it’s the Dummy unfunny guy himself. This seems like the sort of thing that might really give him the giggles.
Annie Angel was an intellectual giant stacked up against this dork (or dorks). Hell, Jose Chung seems like an elder statesman compared to this. And the original Gary? It’s enough to make one weep.
Atheist, the trolls are going after you too now?
Yes, indeed Doktor. And Candy too. Also the Venerable Fish, and some others earlier, I think.
Candy, maybe it’s because we ignore them for a time, then start to mock them if they stay. Maybe in this way, we are eliminating the smarter ones, who can understand how lame they look, and leaving only the immature ones who only want to mess up our conversation.
I hear a Cletus “uh-hyuh” after every troll hijack post. Buddah (sic) is a fat ass? Wull tha-yut just tares it!!! One would have thought the Dhammapada would have eluded one without a firm grasp of Pali, but he just NAILED it.
They’ve taken a stab at me and Johnny Coelacanth as well, Dok. If that’s really your name.
And let me just say that my next post will be devastatingly funny– c’mon, genius, what hilarity can you come up with?
Why is no one spoofing me? I don’t have a URL! Come on! It’ll be easy!
Look, here, I’ll start you off:
“I pleasure myself to pictures of Ann Coulter. She is so smart and funny and attractive, unlike liberal dog-women.”
See? It’s easy!
Shalom gentlemen. What have missed since I have been away for the day?
Candy, maybe it’s because we ignore them for a time, then start to mock them if they stay. Maybe in this way, we are eliminating the smarter ones, who can understand how lame they look, and leaving only the immature ones who only want to mess up our conversation.
Could be. In words this current troll brigade could understand, if brains were dynamite they couldn’t blow their noses. I don’t know if they’re bright enough to grasp that they are embarrassing themselves.
I’m going to take a shower, pour myself a small whiskey – or maybe make an old fashioned, although my kid ate the entire jar of cherries with a fork, and the whiskey drenched cherries are the best part of an old fashioned – and check back in to see if Gavin has sprayed the place with Troll-B-Gone. TTFN, as Tigger used to say.
Gavin M. has resorted to the can of Troll-B-gone. Much appreciated.
Shelley, John Donne, and Abraham Lincoln all agree: doppelgängers suck.
I see. Very interseting my liberal friends.
I shall be back tomarrow. Time for dinner with the family.
Shalom.
These aren’t even trolls, they’re just puerile outcasts who are forced to seek social contact in any way they can – and let’s face it, they don’t have a lot of options.
In this case, it’s through electronic devices used to communicate with acorporeal intellects (who normally wouldn’t give them a nod, let alone a thoughtful response) while they sit in their parents’ recreation room on a Saturday night wishing they’d been invited to the birthday party too.
But then, who am I to judge? Since I seem to be doing the same damned thing :>)
Alas, poor Bruce, I knew him Horatio.
Thanks Gavin.
OK, I admit it, that creeped me out.
That’s it, Caveat. When I was thirteen and frustrated and wanted to dick with the grownups for whatever dopey adolescent reason, I’d have to pick up a phone and lower my voice and crank call some stranger. Nowadays with the internets, it’s a lot easier for the kids to make up characters, insert themselves in adult conversations, and generally be pricks.
And to any teenage trolls out there, there are a bunch of classic ways to deal with being kind of smart and kind of creative and kind of unpopular. Memorize Monty Python routines! Familiarize yourself with the Star Trek universe! Enjoy angry British pub rock! It’ll be fun for a while, and in a few years you’ll be in college or out in the world and there’ll be girls and you’ll learn to talk to them and it’ll all be okay!
Memorize Monty Python routines!
Isn’t that where the name “Bimler” comes from?
I always liked that sketch – especially “Ron Vibbentrop”.
Maybe if DUFU wins, the trolls will go off and slap themselves on the back and get drunk and leave us the fuck alone.
I swear, I have never seen as many pie-lovers converge in one spot before.
Huh. I really thought I’d be the one to piss them off the most, more than Johnny and Herr Doktor and Atheist and Candy and all.
I’m getting older, but I’d still be up for a good fight. Any of you rightwing sociopaths wanna play for keeps, I’m your guy.
Now I’m gonna check out the “bad thing”…..
mikey
I was wondering whether to abandon the Bimler name to the name-spoofer, and start commenting under my porn name instead… but the porn name turns out to be “Smut Clyde”, which was too good to be true.
And more on-topic, if a CIA staffer needs to change names — because emu-nozzling politicians have blown her cover out of gratuitous rat-fuckery — can we talk about a nom-de-Plame?
Huh. I really thought I’d be the one to piss them off the most
You’re not jealous, are you?
Dammit, Vin, I knew this act was familiar.
Same schtick, different device.
Oh, and kids? Being a nerd sux when you’re 13, makes you super popular when you’re 25. Hold that thought.
Well, Mikey, your comments do tend to be longer, and substantive, which would mean that any name-stealer wanting to abuse your identity would have to work harder. That’s my theory for why you were omitted (along with the other real contributors to the the ambience, who I won’t try to list, for fear of leaving someone out).
Trouble with that theory is that it relies on the perp to do some actual background reading.
chortling fuckstick
this beaut’s been added to my lexicon.
but the porn name turns out to be “Smut Clyde”, which was too good to be true.
Hmmm . . . my porn name is Sugar Schuyler, which is sort of in the same vein as Candy, both being “sweet”. I think I’ll stick with Candy though. I’ve been using it a long, long time.
What IS the bad thing? I’m all aflutter.
Where do you get a porn name? Is there a link?
Dok, you must have arrived at your porn name via another means. I can’t imagine your first pet’s name was “Smut”. I suppose the first street you lived on could be Clyde.
The formula I used was: first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
My friend’s porn name was “Creaky Iola”. I swear I’m not making that up. Creaky was a turtle.
“I really thought I’d be the one to piss them off the most”
That’s because you scare them, Mikey. You come across as not-to-be-fucked-with. Since they’re chickenshits by definition, they’re not going to mess around with ya.
Oh, it requires a lot of Photoshop. It’ll be up tomorrow. ;>
“first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.”
Hah! In that case I’m Scooby Sussex.
g, there are “generators” for porn names. I think Teh Partner has one on his site. I haven’t been on his site in ages, come to think of it. Now I feel bad . . .
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
I’d be “Pixie Doren”, which sounds a little bit pr0nish but more like some early-Hollywood bombshell. Huh.
“I really thought I’d be the one to piss them off the most”
You were, mikey – remember the “mikey smells like shit” dumbass from awhile back? If that wasn’t the same needledick troll, it’s at least a close relative.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
Dang. I’d be Cinders Meadowrue.
Oh, no, wait. I forgot about that other cat. I’d be Petunia Meadowrue.
I prefer the name generated by the first hit on google. I’m much happier being Slick Rothschild than Pepper Chester.
I can’t imagine your first pet’s name was “Smut”.
Sure was. A tortoiseshell cat who swore like a feline fishwife, and looked like she’d fallen down a chimney.
Petunia and Pixie sound like sisters. Sort of like the Gish girls, only porn-ish.
Yeah, mikey, my first thought was that these trolls are scared to mess with you.
Sure was. A tortoiseshell cat who swore like a feline fishwife.
Sounds like my cat. And speaking of cats who swear, I wonder what Qetesh is up to.
Jas, I don’t know, I think Pepper Chester is pretty good.
You know, forget about the trolls. I left this afternoon at the beginning of the John Fund thread, and I get back and there’s all this shit, half of it being trolls. What a waste of bandwidth.
Today what we did was go run a bunch of errands and then ate lunch at a Salvadoran cafe. I had a pupusa with loroco and cheese, and that great sour pickled cabbagey slaw they serve it with; rice and black beans, and fried yuca and plantains. My friend had a pork adobado, and we both split a side order of Salvadoran pork tamales. And an El Regla beer, a big one split between us.
The restaurant staff were so great and welcoming. The proprietor is an older lady, she came out of the kitchen to see how we liked everything.
Damn, it was good. We’re still too full to eat dinner.
Pepper Chester. Wasn’t she a stripper back in the day? At the old Blue Mouse Burlesk Thee-ayter down on First Avenue?
Alliteration can be funny, even with a flub in the middle.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
Rom Rockhill. Yeahhh.
I grew up on so many streets I don’t even qualify for a porn name. Boo hoo.
As a long time DUer, let me share a story with you that shows just how “funny” this guy is.
We had a fairly well know poster, Andy Stephenson, who was very outspoken guy. Andy was gay and proud of it. He was also a serious activist on election voting reform. Andy even ran for Washington Sec. of State on a platform to reform blacknox voting.
A few years back, Andy developed a terminal illness, I believe it was pancreatic cancer. Andy shared his experience with his DU family….and this asshole (PJComix) started making life hell for Andy. To the point where he and his RW buddies obstructed Andy’s medical care. IIRC, they were calling the hospital to tell them that Andy had plenty of money and that he was ripping them off. Needless to say, that delayed Andy’s treatment and probably hastened the progress of his terminal disease. It’s completely documented on DU.
There’s nothing particularly funny about his wit, his politics, or his compassion.
Can you help me find the threads at DU that document it?
My Pr0n name is Debbie Schlussel.
….and this asshole (PJComix) started making life hell for Andy.
Oh, Jeezus – that bastard? I remember that horrible situation. Did he consider that comedy too, the sicko?
….and this asshole (PJComix) started making life hell for Andy.
That is just . . . fucking horrible! I can’t even think of bad enough insults for someone who would do such a thing.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name?
Ummm. I’d like you all to meet: Frisky Schoolhouse!
I suspect I know with what sort of pron my imaginary alter ego will be involved.
It will be SO AWFUL having all those beautiful young men pretend to be Hot for (Frisky Schoolhouse as) Teacher.
SO AWFUL.
So, how many beautiful young men are we talking about here? Do I get to pick them?
Oso Pine? That would be my porn name. If we translate from the Spanish, it’s Bear Pine, which is as rock-hard a gay porn name as there is, I reckon.
Meanwhile, DUmmie FUnnies isn’t funny, even by Wingnuttia’s low, low standards. Also, I love stating the obvious. What I would like to see: Both S,N! and Jon Swift beat that hack’s site in the Webbies, or whatever they’re called.
But somebody please fill me in — is there some sort of Fairness Doctrine at the Webbies, where they have to nominate some wingtard just for balance or something?
Frisky Schoolhouse for Teh Win!
“Think I’m exaggerating? Just visit that blog and you’ll run down the street urging your neighbors to vote on their computers.”
Damn. You mean I can’t vote by mail or by phone? What is it about wingnuts that they don’t do the Captain Obvious thing.
Kind of like Novak’s “Dracula the vampire”.
Man this guy is a douche.
Roy speaks truthily. I’d like to see Sadly, No! win because you guys are actually, you know, funny, but if that chortling fuckstick wins the “Funniest Blog” contest, it would demonstrate exactly how much credibility the Weblog award has.
IIRC, the year Bill Hicks died he was narrowly edged out in the VH1 comedy awards by … Carrot Top.
Porn name = Scamp Sylvale.
Read it and weep, morans.
Somehow, Skipper Pleasant Hill Road East just doesn’t work as a porn name.
Plus, my wife’s porn name = Kiki Hoover.
Seriously.
BTW, I’ve already voted for you guys twice.
And DA, this is not the Webbies. This is another award, run mostly by and for wingnuts, which is why the malkin thing is currently leading her category by like a thousand votes. I didn’t know her monkeys were so numerous, or so devoted. Or so literate.
I had an interesting correspondence with one of the organizers last year regarding Gen. Christian’s campaign to be removed from teh Funniest Blog category to the Conservative Blog category. I wrote my end of the correspondence as An Outraged Gentlewoman From Earlier And Better Times, and he wrote his as…I don’t really know what. I don’t know if I still have it, but I will look, as his obfuscations, misunderstandings, and untruths were amusing.
Anyway, I don’t know why they bother to include any blogs besides the ones from their own side of the blogosphere, because our bloggers just make theirs look really stupid.
But, I suppose they must be pretty well used to that by now.
#
Gavin M. said,
November 4, 2007 at 5:19
Can you help me find the threads at DU that document it?
DUer’s are on it:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=2200668&mesg_id=2200935
The thread’s been kicked to greatest page, so expect some lovin over the next few days.
Why do all these people have to be in Massachusetts? Wouldn’t they all be much happier in the perfect, flawless holy-land of Middle America that they’re always sanctimoniously talking up?
Numbered streets don’t work well, either.
How about Skipper Pleasanthill? (Campy Mae West voice: Is that a Pleasanthill in your pants or are you just glad to see me?)
Scamp Sylvale rawks.
pronname=Tessie Longwood (if first pet is female, otherwise it’s Bo Longwood) and Longwood’s about as awesome as it gets.
Thanks!
The ‘he isn’t funny’ thing just took a sharp turn. I’m pissed as hell about this…
Numbered streets don’t work well, either.
Oh, I don’t know … 69th Street, anybody?
Topsy Frontage?
Y’know, and sure, its just my opinion and all, and there’s plenty I don’t know, but I’m gonna take an absolute position here.
If Gavin was that pissed at me, I’d sell the blimp to raise enough money for the spaceship, and enough fuel to reach solar orbit.
Because I’m kinda thinkin there isnn’t a good, comfortable spot under a pile of leaves in a rural community with no zip code. Nope, I’d want to achieve non-planet-resident status.
Just sayin…
mikey
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
Cocktail Jarvis?
Plus the little turd wants it too damn bad.
If this Unfunny guy did this horrible thing, he deserves a lot more than just not winning an award.
atheist, was Cocktail a bird?
My porn name is Bozo Amelia.
That’s just not going to cut it in gay porn.
I await with eager anticipation the (flashing red!) ‘bad thing.’
Love and kisses,
Frisky Schoolhouse
come to think of it though, I like it better than my old name.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name
Harry Palm
Yes, I am a pervert.
So he thinks he’s funny and he likes to f*** with people’s real lives … sounds like one of Goldstein’s devotees.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name
Hmm, Speedy Godwin? Sounds more like a politically correct superhero.
Luckily, Maurice is a porn name.
My God that is pathetic. I guarantee you that 100% of the “hot chicks” this desperate no-talent creep accosted were counting the seconds until he got the fuck out of their faces. I predict a macing or at least a humiliating run-in with security if he tries to harass any of these women again.
I thought it was your middle name and the street you grew up on. Mine would be Matt Orchard. Whoa-hooo yeahhhh.
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name?
Wouldn’t work for me. I grew up out on the rural route and I never had a pet, just a yard full of hunting dogs. It’s different, it just is.
So I can never do porn and no trolls have ever spoofed me. Oh well.
*Bonghit*…..
Life goes on. And this poor bastard is sadly mistaken if he thinks him running down the street encouraging neighbors to vote in a goddamn blog awards will do anything but alert the local constalbury, who’ll hopefully leave me alone, then.
Wouldn’t work for me. I grew up out on the rural route and I never had a pet, just a yard full of hunting dogs.
I dunno, “Hunting Dog Rural Route” could find a niche in some sort of specialty vids.
Agree with Mr. Edroso. Losing or winning against such tripe is beneath this austere site.
I have voted and will continue to vote now not so much for Sadly-No,but against DUFU.That man is electioneering and I want him removed,Thank You Officer.
My porn name is Boozer Giovanni.
Maybe I’ll stick with the desk job.
Then again, if I go with the second pet and second street, I get Perky Hybiscus (yes, it was really spelled that way). I understand they renamed the street Hybiscus when they built houses there; before that, it was Buckshot Hill. So maybe I could use Perky Buckshot.
Kinda suggests a combination of those big fake cantaloupe-stapled-to-the-chest tits and assless chaps.
[needle scratches on record]
Sexist!
How about a thread in which everyone has to use their porn names? Is that too much to ask for?
Fluff Clifford reporting for duty, SIR!
See, I fixed all the typos:
Today I stopped by a few offices while I was drunk. I mean offices in office buildings where there are offices and from where I’ve since been banned. I went into a few offices (orifices he he) and asked the totally HAWT secretaries if they were connected to the internets. If they actually talked to me, I asked them to go to the DUmb FUcks Really Funny Blog and Pr0n site and then click thru the cobwebs there and vote for the DUFUs for Mostest Stupidest (not) Funny Pr0nBlog Blog. They usually called security right away but then up-chucked if they clicked thru. I explained to them about being on a day trip from “The Hospital” .
All you total loser progs can do the same thing this week. A great way to get maced and you have an excuse to stalk them again if you want to in order to force them to vote on future days until they have you arrested..
As one of the other blogs in the Funniest blog category, and a conservative one to boot, I doff my cap to Gavin’s post.
DUmmie FUnnies is a bloody pile-up on the information superhighway, and the guy is gleefully selling tickets. It unfortunately adds a ton of credence to the belief that conservatives are spiritually incapable of being funny.
What I find most disconcerting of all, though, is this: doesn’t this guy understand that trolling for votes with such intensity turns this whole thing into a contest about, well, who has the thick-headed stupidity to ask anonymous people to go to a site to vote for a blog they’ve never heard of?
Acceptance speech: “I’d like to thank all the strangers I accosted, both digitally and physically, who, out of a compelling desire to get me off their backs, voted for my blog, which they never read. It is their validation that truly makes this award special.”
For Crissakes. It’s “Funniest Blog,” not “Blog That Most Closely Resembles The Best Comedic Efforts Of A Troop Of Teenagers Who Had Difficulty Getting Air At Birth.” I think.
Look, I really don’t want Sadly, No to win either– I don’t share your politics. But I chuckle at the writing, which is smart and cutting. So, well, good job, or something like that.
First pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name.
I always thought it was middle name & street name, but both show I would have no future in the pron industry:
Guppy Forfar
Douglas Forfar
The fist sounds like a drummers’ name in an ironic 80’s post punk band, the second, a baddie in a John Wayne Movie.
On a related note, Day By Day is leading in Best Comic category.
The Freeping madness must be stopped!
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = porn name
Then mine would be Farouk the 18th. Yes, we had a Basenji named Farouk.
Sharpton’s got a point (which makes me doubt if he really *is* conservative 😉
The ‘are conservatives totally incapable of teh funny’-discussion recurs in these here comments every few weeks, in which it is usually agreed that, while historically, there have certainly been smart and witty conservatives, it’s hard to think of anyone succesfully attempting conservative comedy today. Maybe they’re out there (I’ve never read Sharpton’s blog), but all we ever see are stupid fucking unfunny morans like Dennis Miller, this DUmbFUck and the wretched ½ hour news hour.
Also, the glory that is xkcd is gaining on Prehensile Boobs Boy in the comics category.
Are all comments getting hung up in moderation?
Hmmm, guess not.
OK, then my pr0n name is “Sheba Union” – I could see getting some mileage out of that in the industry.
I voted for S,N!/against DUFU(s) Inc. just because if he does win he’ll even be MORE unbearable than he is already. Try to imagine that for a minute – I’ll wait *drums fingers, flicks lint off shirt* Now, we don’t want that, do we?
And if he really did that to DU Andy, then may his karma catch up creatively, with a vengeance and real soon. Jesus, what a fuckstick. I hope Gavin photoshops this prat into total web obscurity…
“D. Aristophanes said,
November 4, 2007 at 5:54
Topsy Frontage?”
I call “too perfect to be true”.
Or maybe I’m just jealous because mine’s “Tigger Emery”, which sounds more like a British “variety hour” comedian from the 1920s. “‘Ere, where’s me washboard?” etc.
This is a surprise? The guy writes a comedy site that isn’t remotely funny, obviously he’s not going to win a contest based on humor value.
This is the perfect illustration of why conservative comedy is so awful: the politics dwarfs the humor, to the point where the humor doesn’t even exist. This guy’s whole point is you should vote for him because you agree with his politics. That’s it. The fact that he runs a “humor” site is incidental *in his own mind.*
At no point has it occurred to him “hey….I should like try to be funny or something!” Nope.
If someone asks me to name a funny conservative, I point to Dennis The Peasant. He’s a real conservative, but he also has a real sense of humor. As a bonus, he loathes Stalkin’ Malkin. Right now he’s riffing on Amandagon, which I don’t find particularly funny, but he’s not being a sexist, mean-spirited dick like so many of Amanda’s detractors.
Anyway, worth a read.
I checked out some of the other blogs:
Hotemongers quarterly:
the entire joke there is the affected writing style the constantly brings up the “crack young staff”, puts “weblog” in quotes, etc. Other than that writing style there is no humor content. None.
The nose on your face:
Ok I laughed at “FEMA Official Who Staged Fake News Conference Told His New Job Is Fake, Too.” I didn’t laugh so much at a piece wishing Scott Beauchamp dead that didn’t have a single joke in it.
Conservatives really need to look up “satire” in a dictionary then read some good satire. Hint: “satire” does not mean “what I actually believe, with slight hyperbole for effect.”
I’m reminded of how Horowitz called Ann Coulter a satirist, or that college paper that ran an editorial a few months ago about how rape is awesome. Or one that a Tufts U paper ran bashing black people. To conservatives satire is writing what you really think then calling it satire so people can’t call you a sociopath.
Have these people never heard of Jon Swift? Hey guess what? He really *didn’t* want to eat children! Or even just their appendages!
D. Aristophenes – ah, looking back throught the thread I see you weren’t claiming genuine pornstar name on “Topsy Frontage”, but it’s a great one all the same. My personal favourite is “Perky Thrusters”.
And isn’t it just special to know that this guy was involved in the Andy Stephenson affair. I used to post on DU, and they’d delete any post with the word “cunt” in it, but here I’m free to say that this makes PJComix a worthless fucking cunt – although even that doesn’t seem to cover it. The English-speaking world needs to come up with a phrase that’s more obscene than the C-word, just so we have something to accurately describe right-wing bloggers.
I’m not sure how funny Dennis The Peasant is but he doesn’t appear to be amazingly stupid, so that already puts him among the conservative elite. He can probably breathe with his nose even.
Brittle St. James – tre hot!
Caesar St George – that doesn’t sound porny :>(
I think I’m Hector Pine. Bom-chicka-bow-bow.
Ready for it?
Puffmanbashi Mansfield
I’ll be a big hit in Turkmensistan. Had a friend whose first dog was named Mahavishnu Dazzling Sphincter but I don’t know what street he lived on.
Blackie Brighton.
Somehow, I think I’d end up in a lot of Eastern European gay porn with that one.
what a stacked election!
dude, why not just ask Diebold to reprog it?!
all you’re doing is making the weblog awards anachonistic and meaningless.. wev kwl.
atheist, was Cocktail a bird?
Candy, I’m sorry, I fell asleep and then went to bed. Now I’m up and here to tell you: yes, Cocktail was a cockatiel.
Rocky Brixton. I’m going to be a gay porn star with no teeth just so my costars can say; “Oh, oh, the gums of Brixton” when they think back on our encounters.
…urging your neighbors to vote on their computers.
It’s always a good thing to clarify. Don’t want no one voting on their toasters.
Do not despair liberals. When you again win the white house, sometime around mid-century, you will finally be able to pass laws controlling the net and all other forms of media, as we all know you would love to do, and eliminate anything you consider unfair or that hurts your feelings. The really funny thing is how all this whining is helping to push up numbers for DUmmie Funnies. And when he wins, lots more people will be reading it and laughing daily.
Thanks for the input, Totally Not Saul!
Pepper Chester. Wasn’t she a stripper back in the day? At the old Blue Mouse Burlesk Thee-ayter down on First Avenue?
No, but she was in a lot of Russ Meyer’s films. (I’m Thunder Graves, her truculent butch sidekick.)
Lawnguylander, I have to supervise the playdoh activities (no bacon!) at a toddler’s birthday party in just over an hour and now I’ll be humming “The Gums of Brixton” the whole time. So thanks for that.
When you again win the white house, sometime around mid-century, you will finally be able to pass laws controlling the net and all other forms of media, as we all know you would love to do, and eliminate anything you consider unfair or that hurts your feelings.
Wait a second. Remind us, which blog is the one that’s stalking female office workers to get votes?
kiwi – yeah, Topsy Frontage wasn’t real. Mine kind of sucks (but not in a bam-chicka-bam-chow kinda way) … oh oh oh here’s another one that’d be really cool:
Goldie Showers
DUmmie freak’s post on DU Andy (thanks DU’s sfexpat2000!):
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1400691/posts?page=1,50
And the Freepers now have a thread up in response to the S,N! and DU threads!
Funniest comment, from ‘partisan gunslinger’:
sfexpat2000 = San Francisco ex-patriot 2000…the DUmmies are real America-lovers.
Careful, dear, your stupid is showing.
Don’t want no one voting on their toasters.
Unless it’s an iToaster.
Judging by the entire category, I’m not sure I agree with you. The latest post is mostly based on criticism of her writing style, but other posts expend a great deal of effort on mocking her based on her feminism using tired 80’s style stereotypes. He shows an almost Ace-style level of obsession with Amanda, too.
For what it’s worth, my impression has always been that Dennis’ issues with the major right-wing bloggers mostly derive from his issues with Pajamas Media, not from any actual substantial critique of those bloggers’ positions. And I’ve read quite a lot of his content in the past, mostly trying to figure out why the hell he’s on so many liberals’ blogrolls.
first pet’s name + street you grew up on = pr0n name.
“Brownie Post.”
Kinda works, in a Marky Post way, right?
Oh, and fuck the Weblog Awards for realz, b. They’re run by Wizbang, for fuck’s sake. Wizbang. Should it really surprise us that these awards are a seething pit of freepage. Shit, look how high the global warming denialist site Climate Audit is rolling on the Best Science Blog category.
These awards do seem pretty meaningless. But that doesn’t mean that tomorrow I’m not going to make all the secretaries in my office vote for Sadly, No! (no, not really)
first pet’s name + first street you lived on = adult film star name:
I love things like this. Mine would be: Kitty Miramonte.
Ha ha ha – S,N! is only one back of DUmmie FUnnies … way to drop a ton of bricks on your own head, Comix Stalker Guy!
I just voted and it put SN at 2352 and whatsit at 2351.
Rather than supply me with lavish gifts I ask that you rub your tummy with a circular motion while simultaneously patting your head with an up-and-down motion.
Seriously, any award that doesn’t have TPM in the top ten for Best Political Coverage is obviously a fraud. Guess what’s number one in that category, by a landslide: RealClearPolitics, brought to you by Time/CNN. Ugh.
And beating out Josh Marshall’s machine for even a nomination to the top ten: Connecticut Local Politics. I shit you not.
I wasn’t aware of the Democratic Underground being right wing propaganda. Since that is where he gets the material, ya know.
Unsurprisingly, you liberals really hate when people quote you.
I voted for Jon Swift, but it looks like he’s acting as a spoiler. Sadly No! has been 0.3% ahead for the last few minutes, and you’re definitely getting my future votes. JS is out of contention, and I love this place too.
—–
RobW said,
November 4, 2007 at 19:33
Seriously, any award that doesn’t have TPM in the top ten for Best Political Coverage is obviously a fraud. Guess what’s number one in that category, by a landslide: RealClearPolitics, brought to you by Time/CNN. Ugh.
—–
TPM is winning “Best Liberal Blog” by 10%. Looks like you only get to be in one category. TPM deserves to win either.
Porn name: either Pixie Rood or Pixie Broadway. Obviously the type of porn being made would determine the name being used. I’m thinking that the latter would be fun for the Judy Garland-loving crowd, and the former would be useful in lesbian porn.
Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that.
Primo; any awards site that would even nominate DUFU for anything positive *really* isn’t worth bothering with.
Secundo; Being a furriner, I get Chico Drottningshusgränd if I stick to porn star naming rules. Drottningshusgränd is Swedish for “Queens’ House Alley”, which may make it semi-appropriate – if cumbersome – for a gay porn star. However, if I bend the rules to include my second street adress – the one I was actually living on when I had Chico the chicken for a pet – we get Chico Engegasse. And that last one is German for “narrow alley”, so that works even better.
Gavin M-
Here are the links to the story in this post at DU-
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=2200668&mesg_id=2203119
There’s nothing funny about a person who facilitates the death of another human being.
Sigh. I wish I knew when the terms “common sense” and “extreme left-wing” became synonymous. Because if your views are “extreme left-wing,” then I’m right out there on the limb with you. Strangely, there’s a better view up here.
Then why are you conservadroids always whining about Media Matters?
Gavin M-
Not sure why my original post didn’t take, but here’s the thread at DU that has the background on the DUFUs guy-
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=2200668&mesg_id=2203119
Unsurprisingly, you liberals really hate when people quote you.
What are you talking about? I love it when people quote me. As long as they don’t try to alter the quote in some way.
[…] DUmmie FUnnies and The Nose On Your Face as competitors. In this case, that barking moonbat site, Sadly, No!, which attacked Blue Star Beth, Wake Up America, and myself as nazi’s awhile back, is attacking […]
I’ll jump aboard .Anthony York reporting for booty dooty maim,Sergeant York to you!
Well, with a porn name like Tippy Stillwell I won’t be getting much work.
I’m also going mad with suspense at what Gavin has planned.
Jody: Don’t feel bad. My son’s is Ethel Meadecrest.
My best friend’s, though, is Princess Pineola. That’s more like it!
The Frau Doktorin Penny has renamed herself Lucas Fendalton. We’re working on the script for our first feature.
My porn name is Menoush 14th.
…
…
…
Doesn’t really work so well.
I don’t think I’m headed for a career in porn anytime soon: my name would be Hoody Stanley, or, more correctly, Hood-Hood Stanley. Drat.
[…] A post about the DUFU blog that now may be awarded Funniest Blog: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/7728.html […]
Hey, cool. Safari doesn’t honor the blink tag.
Mhm. I’ll vote for that.
I keep misreading it as Dummie Fundies.
I went to vote yesterday for Kos as best online community then browsed the rest of the categories. I’m so glad I voted for you guys in your category! I’ve always enjoyed Sadly, No! and must agree–the other guy is definitely non-funny. I’ll add you guys to my vote list this week and keep my fingers crossed for a win!
“first pet’s name + first street you lived on”
Agamemnon Windsor. um, no.
Well, go back to my tinyhood, I guess it would be Chirp Manitou. No good either.
Squeaky Abbey Lane? I’m screwed.
Sadly, No mergatroided the dip. Way!
Yikes. I hope the porn name isn’t middle name and street, otherwise I’m…
John Hancock.
Yes, founding father.
Then again, the standard pet one isn’t much better:
Quenton Hancock
Sounds like a black electronic jazz artist.
Ok, voted. Oh I see you’re quite a bit up in the numbers, Gavin.
Porn name: Pooky Lyndale
Hahah……..Pooky, my lovely orange cat who was originally named OJ when I got him from the animal shelter. I got tired of people walking by my house and petting him and asking me if he was named after OJ Simpson who was much in the news at the time (early to mid 90s).
So I named him after Garfield’s teddy bear haha. He was a sweetie. I miss him. Passed away at 15 from kidney failure.
He was obviously named after his being very very orange haha. With great big black freckles on his very pink nose. I tried to count them. Sometimes I counted 36, sometimes, 39 to this day I still don’t know how many.
You’re gonna win this Gavin. Luck to you.
Rose
Hellsa boys, Bossy has this race covered: her friend Bobo promises to vote for I Am Bossy from his work computer if he can remember.
Roquefort Claxton.
…wait, what?!