Shorter Right-Blogosphere

A Scott Beauchamp Update

memeobeauchamp1.jpg

  • Documents that were leaked by the Army to the Drudge Report show that we are victorious in destroying the life of the traitor Beauchamp, a plucky and likeable grunt whose life was sadly destroyed by the machinations of his former employer, the reprehensible New Republic.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


 

Comments: 192

 
 
 

I have never attempted to follow this clusterfuck and I never will.

 
 

Ok, my hippie friends, I’m ready to disagree with you about everything. Lemme just read this post…

Wait, are the hippie liberals STILL trying to act like Scott Beauchamp is a good guy?

That’s funny. You guys have the weirdest heroes.

 
 

Can you explain how he’s a bad guy?

 
 

Shorter Kevin:

  • Ha ha! Your hero Scott Beauchamp is your hero!
 
 

This bloke Kevvy can’t get that it’s the conservative Beauchamp fetish that’s being taken to task here?

 
 

I would point out to Gavin that that “shorter” is far longer than many of us actually see. Shorter Kevin would be “Yum pie!”

 
 

Or “walkies!”

 
 

Shorter walkies version:

 
 

No, shorter Kevin:

Never mind me, I’m just taking a breather from trying to suck my own dick.

 
 

Just another wank-fest in Wingnuttery Land.

 
 

Alas, triangular brackets are a no-go.

 
 

Is Kevin coming back, or do I have to make teh sad-face?

 
 

Any fan of Scott’s also fans of Che Guevara? Sure, Scott Beauchamp never killed people for fun like Che, but he must have other aspects that are appealing to the left! He lied a good bit, he made up some stuff… sure, that’s not murderous like Che, but hey, can’t you forgive his lack of killing people he disagrees with?

Don’t hate Scott simply because he’s not a murderous thug like Che Guevara! That would be wrong, my hippie friends.

 
 

Longer Gavin:

Ha ha! My hero Scott Beauchamp is my hero!

 
 

You do have to make the sad face Gavin, but not because I’m not coming back! It’s just because of your life choices.

 
 

We should worship Kevin’s heroes – John Wayne, the hot naked men of 300, Pol-Pot and Count Chocula.

 
 

C’mon, Pol Pot is a hero of the left, like Mao, Che, Lenin and Stalin. You do make a good point about those hot men of the 300 though.

Count Chocula? He seems kind of centrist.

 
 

Kevin thinks that posting three times in a row makes what he has to say witty and important.

 
 

Ha, I tried to post three comments in a row as fast as I could and Kevin still got one off in between. For a guy with nothing to say he sure talks a lot.

 
 

“Kevin thinks that posting three times in a row makes what he has to say witty and important.”

No, he doesn’t. What gave you such a ridiculous idea?

 
 

Any fan of Scott’s also fans of Che Guevara? Sure, Scott Beauchamp never killed people for fun like Che, but…

Hmm. You know, I can do that trick too. Hang on a sec.

[moment of Zen, centering in Happy Place, et al.]

…Woo-oo-oo, anyone here a fan of Hitler? Sure, he didn’t slaughter ALL the Jews, but the conservative Jew-haters can’t have everything.

How about Allende’s cronies cutting babies out of pregnant Catholic women? Sure, that’s not as sexual as Kevin likes (he likes Idi Amin putting M-80s in women’s vaginas — ka-BOOM!), but hey, you take what you can get when you’re not throwing acid in the faces of children, like Kevin’s pal Somoza.

Do you always imagine Somoza penetrating your anus while throwing acid in children’s faces, Kevin, or do you sometimes get boners thinking about the stench of dead so-called ‘niggers’ charred and swinging from nooses, as you have so many times alluded to?

Why do you speak graphically of hate, Kevin? This disgusting litany reflects badly upon your kind and upon your habits of discourse.

 
 

C’Mon, random observer. I’m used to dealing with ‘intelligence-challenged’ people on this site (it’s liberal, for cripes sake. What else would you expect!), but you’re making stupid people look smart. Cut it out!

 
Kevin Bacon Holding A Short Roll Of Playdoh
 

Poor Kevin. Another lonely Friday night without a date, and time to start trolling Sadly No in order to try and make the demons of the onanistic weekend go away for just a little while. Poor, poor Kevin. He’s even using the same “Hippy” shctick just because it makes him feel like he’s getting revenge on all those hot liberals that get all that great casual sex, even though none of them are actually bothered by being called a Hippy. Oh, and after claiming he hated the “shorter” concept, he’s now (in a-completely-predictable-to-no-one-ever move) using a variant of it again himself. Poor, poor Kevin.., all that pain and impotence isn’t going to go away if you can’t even give yourself consitent masturbatory trolling release, is it? You can’t just wang on it randomly and expect to feel better.

 
 

C’Mon, random observer. I’m used to dealing with ‘intelligence-challenged’ people on this site (it’s liberal, for cripes sake. What else would you expect!), but you’re making stupid people look smart. Cut it out!

How can you claim humanity while refusing to deny erections at the stench of so-called ‘dead niggers?’

This conservative depravity is nauseating and sick, and I am awestruck by Kevin’s sexual attraction to the mutilation of Catholic women.

 
 

Hippie is an interesting word. Hippie hippie hippie. So is hipster. Hipster hipster hipster.

 
 

What the!?!?

“How can you claim humanity while refusing to deny erections at the stench of so-called ‘dead n*ggers?’”

What the hell does that sentence even mean!? To guess at an answer to your question, I’m against the smell of ANY dead person, regardless of color. But that’s just me.

 
 

I think I’ve stunned him.

(They’re not used to hearing their own rantings projected back at them.)

 
 

“Hippie is an interesting word. Hippie hippie hippie. So is hipster. Hipster hipster hipster.”

Hipster-dufus beats them all, Ann Althouse look-alike.

 
 

Yes, you’ve stunned me with your racism, Gavin M. Good job!

 
 

Fascinating.

So, Kevin – how do you feel about the Army claiming not have the documents for the New Republic, to the point of denying an FIOA request – but then somehow leaking them to Drudge?

Do you think that’s morally proper, and reflects well on the Army?

 
 

dufus is not an interesting word.

why isn’t it Dufster?

 
 

We all probably agree that liberals aren’t all that intelligent, forcing them to teach instead of do. But now we learn that they’re racist as well!?

 
 

To guess at an answer to your question, I’m against the smell of ANY dead person, regardless of color. But that’s just me.

Well, except for your obvious Klan sympathies, I would expect that’s the case. But I can’t get past those.

 
 

No, the word dufus is not interesting by itself, but the hyphenate ‘hipster-dufus’, that’s something even the REAL Ann Althouse would find funny.

 
 

Is it racist to directly quote you? Funny how that works.

 
 

Sweet Jeebus Kevin. Stop trying to be funny/witty/snarky or whatever. You’re really not good at it.

 
 

Not to derail the troll-baiting here, but I’m trying to read the PDF of the convo between Beauchamp and the NR editors (linked from the Wikipedia entry on Beauchamp), and the fucker WILL NOT LOAD. Dammit.

 
 

hyphenate. sounds like caliphate.

why don’t more words end in -ate? Is -ate a better ending than -ster?

 
 

I’m frankly nauseated by Kevin’s exaltation of his hero, Josef Stalin.

According to rightists, Stalin didn’t kill enough people.

 
 

Shorter whatever shitbox ‘Memeorandum’ uses for a server, a la Mel Blanc:

Spit sputter gasp kof kaf kaf ***wheeeeeeeeze***

So what’s the big Beauchamp update fucktard world is all abuzz about?

 
 

Huh? When did Kevin talk about dead niggers? I thought he just talked about hippies.

 
 

“Well, except for your obvious Klan sympathies, I would expect that’s the case. But I can’t get past those.”

What, Jay B.? I don’t support the Democrat Senator Byrd even slightly. Why would you say I am a klan sympathizer? I’ve never voted for Klan supported Democrats in my life! I hate the klan so much that I’ll never vote for any group that gets behind them ever, including the Democrats and their support for Senator Byrd.

Perhaps you should look in the mirror before projecting on others.

 
 

“Hysterical Woman said,
Huh? When did Kevin talk about dead n*ggers? I thought he just talked about hippies.”

He never did, and you are entirely correct about my one-track mind.

 
 

Hey, Kevin, you wanna offer a substantive comment on the Beauchamp controversy besides “LOL LIBERALS”? I mean, I’m still waiting for the PDF to load, so I’ve got a few minutes to kill.

 
 

Gavin likes to chit-chat about them though. Must be some kind of liberal thing.

 
 

The Memeorandum entry should be available here (their internal links are pretty feeble).

 
 

Kevin’s not very smart, is he?

 
 

Mmmmmm… Hot naked men from 300!

 
 

It’s the absolute height of depravity to throw the words of the right back at them. Any winger will tell you so, not realising they’re screaming at a mirror.

 
 

Geez Kevin, if you need to go walkies, just go already. We don’t all need to hear about it.

 
 

He never did, and you are entirely correct about my one-track mind.

Present verifiable proof, with links, please.

Otherwise we must assume according to copious evidence that this is another MSM-conservative plot to install Mobutu as Leader.

 
 

I still don’t get it.

 
 

C’mon, Pol Pot is a hero of the left, like Mao, Che, Lenin and Stalin.

Shoot, he’s on to me. I was going to name my first child Pol Pot, but I guess that’s off, and time to take down my Stalin poster too.

We all probably agree that liberals aren’t all that intelligent

That’s because liberals aren’t interested in reality:

Suskind, Ron. “Faith, Certainty and the Presidency of George W. Bush”

 
 

I still don’t get it.

The right-wingers seek to fool America into disbelieving their plot to, um, treasonously deliver the Homeland into the clutches of, uh, Mobutu or that guy in Liberia.

Their alleged cackling over the blood of innocents only proves their guilt, as we can clearly see by Kevin’s disingenuous denials.

 
 

Hysterical Woman: Kevin’s just mad cuz all teh HOT men are liberal.

 
 

Why would you say I am a klan sympathizer?

The Grand Wizard been advocating straight ticket Republican since Thurmond split from the Democratic party, figured you got the memo at the last klavern, but I guess not. Maybe you were too busy at the CCC bake sale selling your famous Hitlercakes and blowing David Duke.

 
 

I was going to name my first child Pol Pot

Ha ha! Pol Potty! Pol Potty!

 
 

Kevin’s just mad cuz all teh HOT men are liberal.

As far as I understand it, this is exactly the same as saying that all liberal men are hot.

 
 

Well, this has been a right quick burst of manic energy from Kevin.

 
 

Notorious P.A.T. said,

Shoot, he’s on to me. I was going to name my first child Pol Pot

Not Pol P.A.T.?

 
 

Mendacity takes lots of practice. Like any martial art, the proof of mastery is in the smooth and unthinking flow in every move.

 
 

Kevin? Any substantive comment on the Beauchamp thing, buddy? Hello?

 
 

“edgyspice said,
Hey, Kevin, you wanna offer a substantive comment on the Beauchamp controversy besides “LOL LIBERALS”? I mean, I’m still waiting for the PDF to load, so I’ve got a few minutes to kill.”

Ok, in the interest of bringing us all closer to the truth (and the land of hugs!), I’ll do as you request. But before I start, which parts do I have to ‘splain? To make it simpler, mention the parts of these bullets that you are unaware of and need proof.

– Beauchamp made up the story about soldiers wearing skulls on their heads/shoulders, and was actually just copying a story he saw about german soldiers.

– Beauchamp never made scumbaggery statements about a disfigured lady, despite his claims of that exact scumbaggedness.

– Scott Beauchamp is a girl. (Ok, this one, I can’t prove)

 
 

Jay B.,
Maybe he’s more of an Aryan Nations guy. They don’t mix well, apparently. How would you like to be considered too tacky for the Klan?

 
 

Righteous Bubba: You are correct, Sir!

 
 

‘Cause it’s not coerced if he’s saying waht you want to hear…

 
 

I don’t support the Democrat Senator Byrd even slightly. Why would you say I am a klan sympathizer? I’ve never voted for Klan supported Democrats in my life! I hate the klan so much that I’ll never vote for any group that gets behind them ever, including the Democrats and their support for Senator Byrd.

“Byrd also said,in 2005, ‘I know now I was wrong. Intolerance had no place in America. I apologized a thousand times … and I don’t mind apologizing over and over again. I can’t erase what happened.'”

Kevin, have you spent the last forty years in a bomb shelter? That would explain your obsession with hippies.

 
 

Why would you say I am a klan sympathizer?

It is well-known that conservatives exalt the Ku Klux Klan.

Please present evidence otherwise, with links, or else it is hereby proven that all conservatives masturbate feverishly to Daguerreotypes of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

 
 

MzNicky,
Let me thank you for the compliment, then.
Is it a question of degree? Are liberal hawks “kinda, ehn” while extreme-left libertarians “s00p3r-uber smokin’ hot”?

Just curious.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

Now I get it!

Thank dog. I totally didn’t want to have to explicate. This whole Kevster vibe is fucking with my chi.

 
 

Gavin! I’m sending you my laundry bill! There’s coffee all over this dry-clean-only Italian shirt…

 
 

– Scott Beauchamp is a girl. (Ok, this one, I can’t prove)

“I don’t like this Beauchamp guy. I know–I’ll call him a girl, ’cause girls are stupid and icky and dumb and stuff! That’ll show ‘im! Girls: yuck! How could anyone like a dumb old girl?!? Haw haw haw!”

Countdown to a “bacon and Play-Doh” reference. . .

 
 

I don’t get what you mean by needing to “‘splain” to me. I’m aware of Beauchamp’s alleged fabrications; I just was wondering if you had anything more to offer than the verbal equivalent of taking off your pants and waggling your butt in public.

Personally, after finally reading this damn PDF, it sounds to me like Beauchamp lied and got way in over his head, and I’m shaking my head at the NR editors for apparently not having learned anything from the Glass affair.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

You go, Gavin. He’s on the ropes now. Dig in!

 
the_millionaire_lebowski
 

You guys really need to get trolled less often.

Really.

 
 

all conservatives masturbate feverishly to Daguerreotypes of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

I had heard this before, but now that it’s in print, the lack of denials are overwhelming.

 
 

Snowwy: It’s not a question of degree. (But: “liberal hawks”? ew.) By virtue of his liberalness, a man is ipso facto hot.

I thought everyone knew this.

 
 

Notorious P.A.T.,
Well, Byrd’s gone on record as saying he was wrong, as wrong as an American who actually believes in the whole to-do can be. Especially since he did it for political gain. It’s one thing to be an out-and-out racist; it’s quite something else to say nothing about society’s racism when you have the ability to change it.

Maybe that’s why Byrd sticks so in the right-winger craw. Of all the former Klansmen and ideological compatriots who would up in Congress (Byrd, Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond, Trent Lott), the only one who ever apologized – and one of the few Southern white males on the national stage who’s ever owned up to the pre-Civil Rights era evils and cowardness – is the only one who didn’t bolt to the GOP when it went hard for the racist vote circa Nixon.

‘Cause if Byrd owns up to being wrong, and he does, it means they were wrong, and by fiat, the society that gave one group priviledge over another was wrong. They simply cannot have that.

 
 

“MzNicky said,
Kevin’s not very smart, is he?”

C’mon, even a liberal can see the humor in this statement, right? Thanks Miss Nicky for reassuring me about the left.

Why not just say, “Yur dum!” Too funny. Seriously, you think I’m being facetious, but I’m not. I LOVE you guys. Sure, you worship cowardly, pathetic, sleezy, murderistic, thugs (Che Guevara for example), but you make regular people feel smarter. For that, we thank you.

 
 

Why don’t the wingnuts understand that even good people often do really bad things when they’re in a war zone – that would be the war part. And why do we have to go through this custerfuck ever time someone writes an article that illustrates that war is not a fucking John Wayne movie, but a really nasty place with blood, guts, shit and bodyparts all over the place – a hell on earth that sometimes results in some really nasty shiznit going down. Maybe if people knew what actually happened they’d be less in a hurry to follow Chimpy McCokespoon into his latest franchise in the GWOT. Oh wait – just answered my own question. Never mind…

 
 

“Smiling Mortician said,
You go, Gavin. He’s on the ropes now. Dig in!”

You sure? He seems knocked out.

 
 

Maybe that’s why Byrd sticks so in the right-winger craw.

I think you’re right about that.

 
 

Okay. Kevin: Yur dum.

 
 

Personally, after finally reading this damn PDF, it sounds to me like Beauchamp lied

Those may be the voices in your head.

OR

You might consider he didn’t exactly tell the truthiest truth about the matter because a superior was sitting right there with him.

But whatever, right? I mean because the entire theory of war crimes hinge on whether or not one grunt saw a tank run over a dog. If Beauchamp lied I think we can safely say My Lai never existed, thank Powell.

 
 

Funny how the Kevins of the world get so hysterically up-in-arms over a soldier like Beauchamp, who may or may not have lied about some personal experiences in Iraq (the horror!), but never say ONE PEEP about the soldiers who have actually been convicted of murder, rape and other atrocities by military trials. You’d think they’d rail and rage against the men in uniform who are REALLY besmirching the proud military that they themselves are too frightened/busy/rich to join.

Nah, easier to go after some small-time guy whose politics they don’t agree with. Yeah, he’s the real enemy…

 
 

It’s always amazing to me that, in light of the murderous, anti-democratic, genocidal figures and regimes the American right has expressly and directly supported throughout the years, e.g. Pinochet, Apartheid, Saddam, Suharto, et al, that nitwits like Kevin presume to label “the left” as supporters of ugly figures and regimes that “the left,” in fact, never really supported or identified with.

I mean, are Kevin and his brood really THAT pig ignorant? Which brings me back to my favorite inquiry: Kevin, does stupid hurt or is the inability to experience human emotion merely permissive of your stupidity?

 
 

“edgyspice said,
I don’t get what you mean by needing to “’splain” to me. I’m aware of Beauchamp’s alleged fabrications; I just was wondering if you had anything more to offer than the verbal equivalent of taking off your pants and waggling your butt in public.

Personally, after finally reading this damn PDF, it sounds to me like Beauchamp lied and got way in over his head, and I’m shaking my head at the NR editors for apparently not having learned anything from the Glass affair.”

Edgy, you are stealing my thunder! I’m not entirely sure what ‘waggling’ means, but was seriously hoping to do some of it in the near future. Your second paragraph said exactly what I was gonna say.

Jerk! You ruined my fun. Hehe, just kidding. I’m glad you learned the truth.

 
 

When you stop blowing David Duke, does he hug you or do you go back into the cage?

 
 

“Huh? When did Kevin talk about dead niggers? I thought he just talked about hippies.”

He talked about dead niggers in exactly the same place I professed my love for Che.

Awesome, I just became a card-carrying member of the terrorist ACLU. Weird timing, in the middle of writing this someone rang my doorbell and wanted to tell me about the MCA and were amazed to hear that I knew about it already.

 
 

Hey, I’m a straight (well, mostly) guy. What do I know about the liberal/hotness nexus?

Once, I called myself a liberal hawk. Then I saw what people holding that epithet wrought. No more. So I agree. Ew.

 
 

Jay B.: you make some good counterpoints. However, don’t conflate my skepticism about Beauchamp with a denial of the existence of war crimes, please. Yes, even our shiny apple-cheeked US soldiers have been known to commit atrocities. You’re not going to see me arguing against that.

 
 

Wait, are the hippie liberals STILL trying to act like Scott Beauchamp is a good guy?

What?

No, serously, what?

In the last month, ‘hippie liberals’ like Atrios, JMM, the two-headed Marcott-McEwean beast, and others have mentioned Scott Beauchamp virtually not at all, except to notice the feeding frenzy on the other side. It’s not that we’re acting like he’s a ‘good guy’; we don’t care one way or the other, and we’re not acting!

Meanwhile, the Spayed Ace posted seven entries on Beauchamp in less than 24 hours.

Love him or hate him, some folks are more than a little fixated on him. Meanwhile, us ‘hippie liberals’ (whatever that means) will be discussing S-Chip, retroactive immunity for telcoms, the AG nominee’s position on torture, the supplimental funding request for Iraq, the wildfires in California, the tension between Kurdish PKK and Turkey…

But no, please keep talking about Beauchamp. I’m really interested in what the right-wing has to say on the subject. Let me just get my glasses

 
 

I have never attempted to follow this clusterfuck and I never will.

I don’t blame you. Beauchamp ran over a dog with his Bradley or he didn’t. Either way, tens of thousands of Iraqis are dead, millions have fled the country, our military is at the breaking point and our nation’s credibility is gone, and all it cost us was 4,000 soldiers and a trillion dollars–and anyone who supported this invasion is at least a little bit responsible for the biggest mistake in American military history.

 
 

Jay B.,

Oh I doubt he stops with just David Duke. His silence on this is obviously fear that if we dig we’ll unearth photographs (or some other similar, damning evidence) of him servicing an entire Klan meeting.

Clearly, the man needs help, either to get out of his sexual slavery or to come out of the closet so that he can be happy blowing bigots.

 
 

You make a great point, Jacob!

“Funny how the Kevins of the world get so hysterically up-in-arms over a soldier like Beauchamp, who may or may not have lied about some personal experiences in Iraq (the horror!), but never say ONE PEEP about the soldiers who have actually been convicted of murder, rape and other atrocities by military trials.”

As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL. You clearly do. I’m not a ‘bad’ person, and assume you are not either. So, why? Why are you quicker to condemn our soldiers than the enemy?

I know I don’t deserve a true answer, since I mostly come here just to call you guys hippies, but if you could see past my hippie-calling rhetoric, Jacob, I’d be forever grateful.

Hippie! Oops. Sorry, that one just slipped out:)

 
 

Hmmm, 87 comments – relatively high comment count for a recent post. Wonder what’s up?

scrolling….. OK, let’s see – oh, shit. A comment from Kevin right at the top. I know what that might mean.

scrolling… Yup…yup, OK, I see…Boring….boring…..stupid….incomprehensible…nice comeback, Righteous Bubba…boring….stupid. Man, this dipshit is really really desperate for attention…boring, boring.

OK, well, that’s 85 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back.

 
 

Holy shit. I’m going back to Balloon Juice. At least their trolls can be entertaining. This Kevin bores me.

 
 

No, see, Kevin, this is where you go horribly wrong. Not caring about the atrocities committed by our forces means YOU ARE A BAD PERSON. Lacking morals. Sociopathic. Or some other pathological condition. But you are NOT a good person if you don’t care when “our side” commits crimes.

 
 

The Beauchamp story is an attempt to make a human interest story out of what we all should know to be true.

The public doesn’t get engaged in things unless they come packaged with some personal narrative. Whether or not Beauchamp told the truth is a fine question to ask, just not under the context that disproving Beauchamp somehow disproves by proxy that our soldiers do anything bad in Iraq.

We know for a fact that our soldiers in Iraq raped and murdered a young girl then murdered the rest of her family. Whether or not Beauchamp was in Iraq or Kuwait when he saw someone with a fucked up face is unrelated.

It’s not an example of something “fake but accurate” where all the data is actually fake and therefore really *not* accurate, like the claims that Code Pink wants to murder our troops, based entirely on fake data.

The real data is that our troops and contractors in Iraq are doing very fucked up things. Even if they aren’t purposely running over dogs they are purposely plowing into civilian vehicles and killing the occupants.

The reality is actually *worse* than what Beauchamp wrote.

 
 

As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL.

I call troll. Or faux Kevin. This is too much of the stupid to be realz.

 
 

“You guys really need to get trolled less often.
Really.”

I totally agree — particularly Gav’s brilliant deconsruction of wingnuttery’s crude sophistry in doing lame hatchet jobs, and those clever “Ann Althouse” posts. “Hipster hipster hipster.”. LOL!

For those of us poor souls who can only read SN on their pathetic little berries of blackness (because websense blocks them at work — sadly yes), can we have the Reader’s Digest version of what the charmingly simian denizens of wingnutvania are saying about Beauchamp?

 
 

“As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL.”

I’ll take things we already knew for $1000 Alex.

Next Kevin will tell us that he doesn’t care, NOT AT ALL, about torturing and detaining innocent people. Wow what a shocker!

Only problem is that he badly mangled the spelling of “sociopath.”

 
 

Kevin once complained to me that his ass smells like cat food. But he never did explain why.

 
 

edgyspice,

OK. Fair enough.

Still — then why the jumping up and down over Beauchamp? His charges were hardly Winter Soldier in their horror.

They may or may not be true, but they are hardly implausible (see: actual war crimes).

If he lied about them, the motive was…what? Glory? A Novel? It seems, at the very least (and knowing the publishing business) that the disincentives about not pissing off your fellow soldiers to follow a pipe dream of being a great fictionalist would seem tilted toward loyalty (and even then, he initially published these things anonymously, which would seem to be a bad way of going for the big time).

I wouldn’t bet on their veracity and I fucking hate the New Republic — but at the same time, it’s VERY difficult to see how even a lie here would amount to a hill of beans in this crazy fucked up war we’re fighting, unless the goal is (as I suspect) to cast doubt on ALL of the actual horrors that have been incontestably committed in the name of me and my country because of this shitty war.

Which is to say, that the passion which people need these to be false is to not just miss the forest for the trees, but to miss the global ecosystem while debating the existence of a blade of grass.

 
 

Meant to type “totally disagree.”. Doh!

 
 

can we have the Reader’s Digest version of what the charmingly simian denizens of wingnutvania are saying about Beauchamp?

AHA! Our oversized government is squashing that soldier like a bug! Told you so!

 
 

His silence on this is obviously fear that if we dig we’ll unearth photographs (or some other similar, damning evidence) of him servicing an entire Klan meeting.

They don’t call it bukkkake for nothing!

 
 

“Ted said,
Kevin once complained to me that his ass smells like cat food. But he never did explain why.”

If your’s smelled as such, you wouldn’t complain?

 
 

As an aside, it took me longer to read all that drivel, I can’t believe you took the time to treat the page as a chat client.

Also, < > ^-^

 
 

can we have the Reader’s Digest version of what the charmingly simian denizens of wingnutvania are saying about Beauchamp?

Turns out that magazine that endorsed the war on Iraq is FULL OF SHIT!!! HAHAHA!!!

 
 

I solemly swear never again to drink coffee while reading Sadly, No! I can do one or the other, but never again will the elixir of awareness cross my lips while my eyes are taking in the snark.

Between Gavin and Righteous Bubba I look like someone spilled two cups of coffee down my shirt. ‘Cuz, well, I did.

 
 

I can’t fight all you hippies at once. I can barely better Gavin M. with his weak photoshop skills! Ok, I admit it, we all know I can run rings around Gavin on the p-shop side of things, but still, there’s too many of you. Would Jacob be kind enough to comment before I have to flee from the horde? I’m so interested in how you respond.

 
 

Holy shit! He’s still at this? Hm, reading through Kevin’s posts I’m kinda thinking that he doesn’t actually believe this stuff and is just trying to get a rise out of people in a pathetic attempt to get attention and to make himself feel intelligent. HAW!! HAW!! I made them get angry! I’m so much smarter than those losers!

That or he’s just an intensely stupid and all around horrible person.

“As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL.”

You would have made a great Stasi informant son.

 
 

can we have the Reader’s Digest version of what the charmingly simian denizens of wingnutvania are saying about Beauchamp?

He’s no soldier! A real soldier is someone who DOESN’T RESEMBLE ME IN THE LEAST!!!

 
 

What, is today Feed the Trolls day?

I don’t think I got the memo.

Alright, I’ll play.

HEY, KEVIE-BABY:

Define habeus corpus, and give me a short explanation of why, or why it isn’t, important.

Bet you can’t.

 
 

“Rightwingsnarkle said,
Hmmm, 87 comments – relatively high comment count for a recent post. Wonder what’s up?”

C’mon, my hippie friendess. You know EXACTLY what is up. Someone who doesn’t tow the silly liberal line is posting.

 
 

Because, judging from your blog, one sentence is about all you’re up for.

 
 

This Beauchamp fellow is, as far as I know, still in Iraq, fighting for our freedoms and in harm’s way every day. Why do the wingnuts hate our brave fighting men and wome?

 
 

What Rightwingsnarkle said.

I turn my back for one hour and come back to 111 comments. Not a good sign.

Meanwhile, this:

“As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL.”

Res ipso loquitur, or however you spell it.

 
Sadly, Cambridgeport
 

The funny thing is, our trolls never seem to catch on that this is the least effective place for them to be

At a serious political site where people are actually trying to have intelligent conversations and solve problems, trolls are annoying, absolutely. And that is the point, isn’t it? Wreak havoc, sow mayhem, get a taste of the thug-like thrill of using brute force against people who are more intelligent than you are. A troll doesn’t have to understand what is going on, he just likes to stir things up. To be effective he needs no more knowledge than a 6-year-old needs of an anthill that he wants to wreck.

What our regulars never seem to realize is that this is a comedy site devoted to people like them. We weren’t trying to accomplish anything with it anyway. Coming in and performing for us just saves us the work of drudging around looking for you on right-wing sites. In fact, we’ve even been know to make puppet trolls to keep us entertained when real ones aren’t around.

Kevin especially is such an interesting specimen. Do we have pictures of him anywhere? We should have a photoshop contest for the photo that is “most likely to be Kevin” Fake Gary has gotten a little boring lately. The whole point is that they are such unwitting self-caricatures. A parody is sort of by definition “witting”, so the fun will only go on for so long..

Kevin for New Gary!

 
 

Hey t4toby babie! I shall attempt your request, but keep in mind I’m just a dumb conservative. So give me a break.

Habeus Corpus… Well, corpus sounds like ‘dead guy’. ‘Habeus’ rly doesn’t sound like anything at all! Let’s break it down. Hay, and ‘be us’? No, hay and bus!

Habeus Corpus is just a bunch of cut grass on a bus with a dead guy somewhere in the pile.

Question answered, t4toby babie!

 
 

Wow, kevin.

You really are the gift that keeps giving.

 
 

“The funny thing is, our trolls never seem to catch on that this is the least effective place for them to be”

Hah! Did you think we cared? We’re not terrorists, for Christ’s sake. We just like to laugh at you.

 
 

Do you think it is a coincidence that just prior to checking this thread, I was watching the Beavis and Butthead where Beavis goes Cornholio in the fast food restaurant?

Sadly, No!

 
 

Kevin made a funny. He’s so cute when he trys so hard…

 
 

As a former sailor in the USN, I always found it disturbing when other sailors would fuck things up for the rest of us. Whenever we went to a port of call, we’d be handed a list of places that were “off-limits” to us — some because they were dangerous for American military personell, and some because rowdy military personell had behaved poorly and thus we were all banned.

We once had a popular crewman, a Radioman if I recall correctly, accused of rape. He was convicted, and our ship’s morale suffered for it.

So when I see idiots railing on about someone like Beauchamp being a “traitor”, when very real atrocities are ignored by those same people, well, it tells me the only thing they give a flying fuck about is their political stance and playing “gotcha” politics. For all your ignorant bluster, Kevin, it’s obvious you don’t give a shit about our military, other than how it can serve your simple-minded schoolyard politics.

That clear enough for ya, champ?

 
 

I am beginning to think this whole Beauchamp story is a plot to make me drink heavily.

They could have just asked nicely.

 
 

Kevin’s an idiot. An ugly, mindless idiot. He’s stupid, he’s just not as stupid as he pretends to be. He never got over it when his mom told him that wasn’t cute.

For the record. We’re supposed to be the good guys. It has nothing to do with condemning the bad guys. THEY are the BAD GUYS. We need to hold our side to a higher standard, or we’re no longer the good guys. “They did it first” is not an acceptable justification for war crimes.

For Sadly No regulars, yes I know this is simplistic and painfully dumbed down, but it was intended to be comprehended by the intentionally obtuse Kevin.

Siddown, shuddup and have some pie, boy…

mikey

 
 

BTW, if (like me) you only read the headlines on that screenshot above, you’d think TNR recanted and is embarrassed.

Au contraire (or however you spell it):

http://tinyurl.com/2ndpqg

 
 

“Because, judging from your blog, one sentence is about all you’re up for.”

Oh snap!

 
 

We just like to laugh at you.

And we at you. That’s the whole foundation of this blog’s existence; laughing at wingnuts.

 
 

Sorry to feed the troll like that, but in my own defense I just finished a nice Ketel One vodka martini (on an empty stomach), and I’m feeling rather more righteous indignation than usual.

Off for steaks soon, after which I imagine I’ll be docile as a lamb.

 
 

Oh boy! It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to do one of these.

 
 

“We need to hold our side to a higher standard, or we’re no longer the good guys.”

Give it up mikey, your lieberal “logic” is useless against them. Next you’ll claim that raping and killing an innocent 13-year-old girl is wrong!

 
 

“Moonbat Rising said,
Kevin made a funny. He’s so cute when he trys so hard…”

You missed an apostrophe, but thanks! It’s the effort that counts!

Jacob, yes, that is clear enough for me. We are on opposite sides of the aisle, but even I, on the far-right, would not claim Beauchamp is a traitor. I was just hoping to learn why you might choose the story from the enemy over the the American one, champ.

 
 

Hey, mind if I hop over to a different thread? I still love you guys, but it’s time. Don’t hate me because my Photoshops are beautiful! They’re only drawn that way.

 
 

And we were hoping to learn why you hate niggers, but no dice.

 
 

Let us know when the pie fest is done…

 
 

What the?! This is STILL the lede on the sadly site? How gay! Not homosexual-gay… the wussie other kind of gay. Eh, screw it. Wanna see some funny pictures?

 
 

“Seamus Ruah said,
Let us know when the pie fest is done…”

It’s done.

 
 

“RandomObserver said,
And we were hoping to learn why you hate n*ggers, but no dice.”

You keep saying that hateful word. Could you cut it out? We get that you disliker black people, but give us a break! Hate them on your own time.

 
 

C’mon, Pol Pot is a hero of the left, like Mao, Che, Lenin and Stalin

Hey Kevin,

Here’s a deal for you. If you can find a published piece by a known reputable person to be on “the left” who calls Pol Pot a “hero,” I WILL GIVE YOU FIFTY BUCKS!!

Easy money for you. Let’s go!

 
 

RandomObserver said,
“We need to hold our side to a higher standard, or we’re no longer the good guys.”

Give it up mikey, your lieberal “logic” is useless against them. Next you’ll claim that raping and killing an innocent 13-year-old girl is wrong!”

Sadly, a perfect example of liberalism. Again I still love you guys, but even you can admit, you’re not the brightest bunches in the pack.

 
 

Kevin, I’m still waiting to see your oh-so superior photoshop skillz.

They probably compliment you nunchuck skillz nicely.

Bust em out, dawg!

 
 

bunches in the pack?

WTF? Is that really the way you want to belittle us?

Talk about a mixed metaphor.

 
 

Pol Pot? A hero? Of anyone?

Is Kevin for real? Or is he another Fake Gary? Because if he’s for real, he must NEVER TYPE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

 
 

“Here’s a deal for you. If you can find a published piece by a known reputable person to be on “the left” who calls Pol Pot a “hero,” I WILL GIVE YOU FIFTY BUCKS!!”

Cool, I kinda need it! How specific does it need to be? Does quoting the evil Barbarella girl count?

 
 

Kevin’s mom is out this afternoon again, right?

 
 

g said,

October 27, 2007 at 0:52

Kevin’s mom is out this afternoon again, right?

Sadly, So! it would appear.

 
 

Nimrod, Kevin IS for real. But I’m SOOOO glad you admit that Pol Pot is a scumbag. Would you go out on a limb for me and say that those crazy N. Korean crazies, Mao, Stalin, Lenin, etc. are equally scumbags?

 
 

Living with parents is a liberal thing, ‘ifthethunderdon’tgetcha’.

 
 

Assertions without evidence are typically wingnuttien.

Kevin, why don’t you do some research (and please show your work) into how Pol Pot came to power in the first place?

Here’s a hint.

 
 

I think Kevin is actually a team of World of Warcraft Chinese gold farmers who are horribly misinformed about the nature of their work and think they are getting paid by the comment.

 
 

Amazing how pathetic the 24 percenters are when they see a victory over liberals in a pointless sideshow involving the neo-con iraq-war-backing New Republic and some grunt who was apparently delirious although at a minimum brave enough to go to war and not just join the cheetos brigades.

in the face of endless disastrous humilitations over everything they have avowed, supported and endorsed in their bush-cheney genuflection, they must see a “win” in this aimless cluterf**k that no one on the 76 percent left gives a shit about.

this poor kevin is acting like one of those broken-down nags at a third-rate rodeo that the rodeo clowns get a few jolts and leaps out of by applying a mustard and cayenne poultice to his anus. enjoy your poultice, kevin. the neocon right is headed for the ashbin of history that already contains the cremains of goebbels, pinochet, hoover, the shah, pol pot, botha, d’aubuisson, marcos and the rest of your heros. but you knew that.

 
 

RandomObserver said,

October 27, 2007 at 1:03

I think Kevin is actually a team of World of Warcraft Chinese gold farmers who are horribly misinformed about the nature of their work and think they are getting paid by the comment.

You may be on to something there. Remember when Sadly, No! switched to more powerful hamsters, because the servers kept dying?

What if Kevin was one of the old, feeble hamsters. And now he’s unemployed, and very bitter. It would explain much, eh?

 
 

What I like is when Kevin blockquotes someone, then needs go walkies.
Is the rug at your house pockmarked with piss dribble stains or what, Kev?

 
 

RandomObserver said,
October 27, 2007 at 1:03

I think Kevin is actually a team of World of Warcraft Chinese gold farmers who are horribly misinformed about the nature of their work and think they are getting paid by the comment.

I think they think there is pie.

 
 

As much as I hate right-wing trolls, and people who seem to think ‘hippie’ is an insult:

Count Chocula? He seems kind of centrist.

I’ll admit this made me laugh.

 
 

don’t get me started on Frankenberry! clearly a liberal in favor of stem cell research. probably one of those liberal nazis we’re always hearing about.

 
 

And of course, he makes it up in spades:

Living with parents is a liberal thing, ‘ifthethunderdon’tgetcha’.

I’ve never known a basement nerd without interesting and unique opinions (read: doggerel) about the brain capacity of women and Mexicans. If you’re gonna pretend to have lib cred, you might as well do your homework first.

 
 

“Moonbat Rising said,
Kevin made a funny. He’s so cute when he trys so hard…”

Kevin said,

You missed an apostrophe, but thanks! It’s the effort that counts!

Actually, I misspelt it. Should have been ‘tries’. Not a terribly swift wingnut are you?

 
 

don’t get me started on Frankenberry! clearly a liberal in favor of stem cell research. probably one of those liberal nazis we’re always hearing about.

What we need is a man of decisive action and military bearing, someone not afraid to fight the forces of evil at home and abroad. Someone who’ll really stick to his guns and stick it to America’s enemies!

Wait, Captain who? I was talking about the Trix Rabbit.

Extremist.

 
 

Where does the right come up with the meme that the left embraces any murderous fascist?

I’m kinda afraid it is another case, a la Teh Wide Stance, where their projection actually uncovers the seething, rotting core of their souls. If they love something ostensibly reprehensible, they act like they revile the left for the exact thing they secretly desire.

 
 

Good grief – I go away a little while and this happens! That poor lawn must be getting pretty shaggy.
It reminds me of the good old days.

 
 

To give the poor son of a bitch a bit of breathing room:

Nimrod, Kevin IS for real. But I’m SOOOO glad you admit that Pol Pot is a scumbag. Would you go out on a limb for me and say that those crazy N. Korean crazies, Mao, Stalin, Lenin, etc. are equally scumbags?

This ain’t exactly controversial, kid. I don’t think anyone except a few dogmatic wannabes would have a good thing to say about any of those. (Although I’m going to tell you right now that the sort of person who rants and raves about Stalin is usually also the sort of person who rants and raves about the Holocaust being a myth. Pro tip – keep away from those people.)

So no: they’re dictatorial scumbags. We’re agreed on that.

On the other hand, George W. Bush has stolen two elections, pretty much wiped his ass with the Constitution, killed a good million or so people in cold blood, and has proferred official US support to sweethearts like the asshole in Kazakhstan who recently declared himself President for Life (“a step forward for democracy”, evidently) and that son of a bitch who boiled protesters alive in Uzbekistan.

And before 9/11 changed everything, he was trying to encourage the pan-Blues in Taiwan to declare independence – basically, to precipitate a nuclear war between the US and the PROC. Then again, after 9/11, he’s been BFFs with the PROC, death vans, child labor, and all.

What I’m getting at here is that, severed head for severed head and hungry belly for hungry belly, Bush has Kim Jong Il beat thus far. You gonna go out on a limb for me and call him a scumbag?

 
 

Trix Rabbit is a Republican folk hero, having devoted his life to taking bowls of cereal away from kids and giving them to rabbits, who don’t even eat cereal.

 
 

“all conservatives masturbate feverishly to Daguerreotypes of Nathan Bedford Forrest.” Heh,Heh,Gavin said Daguerreotypes,Heh,Heh11!!11!

 
 

You missed an apostrophe, but thanks! It’s the effort that counts!

Actually, Kevin, no, s/he didn’t. I’ll say it once more: Yur dum.

If Kevin is going to point out (and incorrectly, at that) what he perceives are the grammatical errors of others, I’m gonna roll up my sleeves and get all medieval on his illiterate ass. Hot damn. Where’s the ball gag?

 
 

Kevin:
“I’m sorry, but you are not a Good person. You go through your life, you don’t stab anyone in the face, you don’t break any laws, you don’t take pictures of naked children, and so what? You want a medal for that? Shut up.” – Frank

Thank you.

 
 

I think the Republicans prefer the Toucan. He follows his nose (it always knows), not polls!

 
 

I have never attempted to follow this clusterfuck and I never will.

Well, reading that Malkin & her Malkintents are attacking a non-Reichtard is like finding an abcess on your cat. You know that getting it cleaned out is going to be stinking, noisy, and painful. The only question is how bad, and expensive, it’s going to end up being. And you can tell even before you get started that the cat is not going to be grateful for your work, even if you save its sorry life.

As for the new troll compound, it’s the weekend already. Pie all round, guys!

 
 

‘Reichtard’ is a somewhat impolitic substitution because there’s a pretty insightful labor economist named Reich. So… yeah, just watch out for that one.

 
 

I for one am convinced that no GI ever drove over a dog, living or dead, on purpose or by accident, or engaged in any kind of gallows humor at any earthling’s expense. Now can we pls get these poor bastards out of the oily sanbdbox and home to electronic surveillance and unaffordable health care, where they belong?

 
 

We really should make a concerted effort to rank each cartoon cereal shill on their political leanings, so that, when we watch their commercials, we can make an informed decision by knowing their biases beforehand.

For instance:
Lucky Charms; Irish cartoon dude. “Magically Delicious.” Rainbow marshmallows. Definitely Left-wing.

 
 

Wizard of Words: GAY GAY GAY.

 
 

Apropos of nothing, check out this cool image:

http://www.artofmarkbryan.com/images/mad%20tea%20party_700.jpg

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

Jeebus, Larry, that’s spooky!

 
 

What, Jay B.? I don’t support the Democrat Senator Byrd even slightly.

It’s been said before, but it bears repeating: it’s very interesting and revealing that Kevin’s ilk doesn’t hold any white politician responsible for their history of ties to racist groups . . . except for the one who has apologized and renounced his decades-past Klan affiliation.

Of course, if Kevin wants to prove me wrong by denouncing Trent Lott and then moving on to pretty much the rest of the southern GOP congressional delegation, I’ll take it all back.

 
 

As a conservative, I honestly tell you that I don’t care even a tiny bit about atrocities committed by our soldiers/marines. I mean NOT AT ALL.

Why not? I can believe that “as a conservative” you don’t care, but I think that as an American, you absolutely should. Or does party fealty trump your belief in the principles that this country has tried to live up to?

I’m not a ‘bad’ person

I think this sentence is contradicted by your earlier sentence. If you don’t care that American soldiers are raping and killing innocent Iraqi civilians, then yes, you are by definition a bad person.

 
 

“Jeebus, Larry, that’s spooky!”

Shouldn’t it be?

I love the fact that the tea kettles are battle tanks, pouring out crude oil.

 
 

I like the sheep in the front row, and taking a closer look at Condi is worth it too.

 
 

Prob’ly too late for this, but

murderistic

Not a real word.

Just sayin’.

 
 

Black face condi is hardcore.

 
 

To use a basketball epithet: Swoosh, hippies.

Face up.

 
 

Kevin explains his technique:

Perhaps you should look in the mirror before projecting on others.

Actually, I think he’s looking in the mirror while projecting on others.

Please, no lectures about feeding trolls. It’s what we do here. More! More! Keep sending us the stupid ones!

 
 

I enjoy reading through a post that will make men and women think.

Also, thanks for allowing for me to comment!

 
 

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