And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Justin: A Candidacy of Duplicity & Deceit. Justin “Son of Vladimir*” Darr, the hottest new conservative writer on the web, is back! (* Son of Vladimir is a registered trademark of Norbizness AG.) The first time we met Justin, he was concerned that a Kerry presidency would mark the start of the hunting season on Americans abroad. (Of course Justin, having never left Pennsylvania, is safe. Which is good, because managing the pretend Wal*Mart set up in his parents’ basement is a full time job.) On with the show however. Justin writes:

Every political party has its lunatic fringe. You know, the folks who run around saying the Bilderbergers are going to team up with Interpol outside Waco, Texas, to plot the start of the “New World Order” by taking over the multipurpose room of the Chamber of Commerce.

Uh Justin, aren’t those guys from your side?

There really are conspiracies at work. There really are powerful people plotting world domination. And they really operate in near-total secrecy as the world press sits on its collective duff.

In fact, it’s happening right now as you read this column.

The venue is Versailles, France. Today is the last day of a two-day confab of the Bilderberg Group, an international lobby representing the interests of the power elite of Europe and America. –Joseph Farrah

Justin wonders:

While these groups can be a source of endless entertainment to web surfers, few think anyone would actually take them seriously.

Sadly, No! (or Yes!)

Since then, it [WorldNetDaily.com] has become the No. 1 independent source of news on the Net.

Well, moving on then:

Polls show that roughly half the voting public would, indeed, trust their futures to a group that makes the “Flat Earth Society” sound like the “National Academy of the Sciences” in comparison. Who is this cabal of paranoid, power hunger, maniacs?

Wait, wait, don’t tell me!

The Democrat Party[.]

We didn’t expect the Democrat Party. No, wait, yes we did.

Representative Jim McDermott (D-WA), has joined his fellow Democrats in their chagrin at America’s victories in the War on Terror with his latest investigative report from Fantasy Land. While visiting India, McDermott stated American forces had already captured Osama Bin Laden

For a brief moment, let’s assume Justin is correct:

[…] an Indo-Asian News Service article […] carried a provocative quote from McD:

“There are already rumors circulating that Osama bin Laden is being held somewhere already and it’s only that they are trying to decide what day they should bring him out.”

Some (maybe you, maybe Justin) may label the response from McDermott’s office as damage control:

Mike DeCesare, McDermott’s press aide, did damage control yesterday. He insisted the Osama-in-captivity rumor was raised not by McD, but in a question from his audience of Indian businessmen.

“He (McDermott) tried to react to a rumor and get out of it,” DeCesare said. “A rumor is a rumor is a rumor. … You try to say, ‘Yeah, we’ve heard that,’ without giving it substance or credibility.”

Just damage control? Sadly, No!:

“But Indian elections have proved that anything can happen,” he said when asked about speculation that al Qaeda supremo Osama bin Laden, was already in US custody and will be presented just before the elections to sway the electorate.

Oh Justin, right in the nuts. Sorry dear friend.

What is Representative McDermott’s source for this accusation? Well, none if you consider a “source” a human being who actually knows something about the hunt for Bin Laden. But, if you define “source” as a 32 year old man who lives in his mother’s basement and spends all his time in internet chat rooms, then BINGO!

Uh Justin, how old are you?

And, who can forget Hillary’s “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy”?

Can we recommend a movie to see when you have some free time Justin?

While Kerry himself has not endorsed most of the accusations of his Democrat brethren, he has not criticized or distanced himself from them either.

He hasn’t endorsed most of them? Which ones has he endorsed Justin?

However, noticeably missing was any sense of outrage when MoveOn first ran their ad contest that produced the Bush/Hitler ads. Where was the demand for an apology from MoveOn for associating Kerry’s name with such vitriol?

Why demand something that was already out there?

None of these was our ad, nor did their appearance constitute endorsement or sponsorship by MoveOn.org Voter Fund. They will not appear on TV. We do not support the sentiment expressed in the two Hitler submissions. […]

We agree that the two ads in question were in poor taste and deeply regret that they slipped through our screening process. In the future, if we publish or broadcast raw material, we will create a more effective filtering system.

But when Justin is mad, well, he’s mad:

Like most issues, nobody really knows what Kerry believes.

Here you go Big Darr. We hope this helps.

[Kerry] talks about Bush’s alleged “credibility gap” because of all the rumors Kerry’s supporters are spreading about him.

Actually, here’s the source of your credibility gap. (There are around 200 entries, so grab a cup of coffee first.)

What does this say about John Kerry? Does he have to rely a constant series of personal attacks on the president to distract the voters from evaluating his stands on the issues?

What does it say about you Justin? Do you have to rely on a series of half baked, easily shown to be false assertions to distract your readers from the fact that all your column consists of is basically “Vote Republican or the terrorists will kill you all! And shop at Wal*Mart.” We’re just wondering.