Shorter Mary Katharine Ham
‘Fall TV Preview for Red Staters’
Above: On the lookout for things which may suck, but look rightward
- Tired of being “programmed” by politically correct television? Turn back the clock with these new shows, where even the camera angles are conservative.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
The comments to this column are like the sort of focus group I’d like to impanel. A couple of readers get the conversation started by noting some possible political problems with Dancing With The Stars:
Mark Cuban is on it, and he’s bankrolling that Brian DePalma Marine-Rape movie… that’s why I’m not watching this season.
and
It’s not just the skimpy costumes that bother me, but the dancing becomes more and more erotic as the season goes on.
More and more, eh? Another reader lists his sci-fi faves, past and present, prompting this reader’s riposte:
I am a fellow Trekkie, but must admit that Gene Rodenberry’s universe embodies some of the most liberal concepts on TV. Back in the 60’s, of course, they were way ahead of the game on race relations, and featured the first interracial kiss — and that’s a good thing. Of course, it fit in with the Republican agenda of the time…
It’s been said that a person’s television viewing habits offers a window into their psyche, but I’ve rarely seen personality so fully sketched in so brief a listing:
As for what I watch: movies if I can find one I do not actually own; How It Works (how everyday products are made); Mythbusters; Unwrapped (how junk food is made); and the Gaither Gospel Hour. That is pretty much it, besides news and the occasional special like The War.
Sometimes, on the other hand, a person’s personality is suggested not so much by the programs they watch, but by their response to them:
There is NOTHING on prime time worth looking at. I tried “Are you smarter than a 5th grader” but after a couple of shows I figured that the questions really were not 5th grader questions and it appeared to be rigged.
As for me? I keep my television at work tuned all day to Fox News, with the volume down, and apply directly to the forehead.
Does anybody watch Kid Nation?
Is Olivia seeking an internsip with Michelle Malkin?
Wait…there’s an insane racist bigot on Kid Nation?
CNN is the flipside of FOX. Both are biased and CNN is no more subtle or sophistocated in their efforts to conceal that bias.
“I object to Mark cuban’s political meanings, now I’m offended by Wayne +Newton”?
There is NOTHING on prime time worth looking at. I tried “Are you smarter than a 5th grader” but after a couple of shows I figured that the questions really were not 5th grader questions and it appeared to be rigged.
Homer Simpson: “D’oh! Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?”
I, myself, do not watch television at all, because Bill O’Reilly is on television, and I’m afraid his pestiferous evil will ooze into other programming and then seep out from my television set into my living room and infect me and my family.
Besides, I once recieved Government Assistance, so I’m forced to live naked in a clear plexiglass cube in a public park.
These people have time to watch television?!?
I figured they just worked around the clock developing brilliant solutions to thorny problems.
Well, I went and had a look at her list of conservative shows. I’ve even seen some of them, and let me tell ya – they’re welcome to them. From Dancing with the Stars to Back to You, they’re pretty much losers in my book.
P.S. Does she realize that network television is not generally produced in Hollywood?
Rufus, this excerpted reader comment is dedicated to you:
Applying it directly to the forehead seems to explain a lot about the right wing.
Oh, and I hate you guys for that youtube link, grr.
Are all wingers 75 year old wet blankets who hate everything, including sex? ‘Cause that’s the imperssion I get from every winger comment section at every winger site.
What, that guy won’t watch Brothers and Sisters? It’s got Callista Flockhart as Ann Coulter on it! That’s a pearl in the rough right there…
I love the self-pity in this post. It’s dollarz to donutz that these wingnutz are salivating (albeit unconsciously) for 2009, when they’ll be out of the White House and Congress, and can really wallow in their “persecution.” Yum-o!
Also, call me old fashioned, but anyone
who uses “–dare I say it?–” should be horsewhipped.
CNN is the flipside of FOX. Both are biased and neither are very subtle about that bias.
that is freaking hysterical. The guy who wins is the one who is so bummed he kept getting the 5th grader questions wrong.
and someone please explain how an interracial kiss fit into the Republican agenda of the 60s?
Excellent, I can now happily enjoy Chuck, Heroes, Pushing Daises, 30 Rock, and The Office without any of ‘them’ watching. Except for Scrubs, I need my Sarah Chalk fix. Oh and just so you know, even though that Jennifer Love Hewitt is one spicy babe, Ghost Whisper is no Joan of Arcadia.
The Republicans were all about fucking black people.
, they were way ahead of the game on race relations, and featured the first interracial kiss — and that’s a good thing. Of course, it fit in with the Republican agenda of the time…
Wait. What?
Ya know, we just don’t hear enough about the great Republican heroes of the Civil Rights movement.
Legalize,
Yes. If only in spirit.
Wait, so it’s politics that have ruined network television, and not reality shows, american idol, and the cancellation of arrested development?
How It Works (how everyday products are made); Mythbusters; Unwrapped (how junk food is made); and the Gaither Gospel Hour
So, pretty much, the underlying scientific and technological processes behind everything… except life.
Maybe it’s a mental perpetual motion machine, from busting myths to shoring them up to busting them again to shoring them up again.
And none of those shows hold a candle to “Wonderfalls”!
“It’s not just the skimpy costumes that bother me, but the dancing becomes more and more erotic as the season goes on.”
Ahhh, so he HAS watched the entire season before.
Dirty Jobs is a great show.
, they were way ahead of the game on race relations, and featured the first interracial kiss — and that’s a good thing. Of course, it fit in with the Republican agenda of the time…
“Of the time” being the operative phrase. Of course, I am sure this poster never heard of the Southern Strategy, which has informed Republican politics ever since. Pandering to bigotry has been their bread and butter ever since the Civil Rights movement.
Damn italics!
You’ll probably think I’m crazy claiming I see conservative messages in medical shows…
Translation: medicine is of the devil.
Translation: medicine is of the devil.
Only when you are trying to get it for underpriviledged children!
Jonah? Is that you?
OT, but something you guys DEFINITELY should address:
Science proves my racist bullshit to be true!
/yack
Sesame Street is actually a pretty funny show.
Dora the Explorer (which probably sounds better in Spanish … “Dora the Exploradora”? Something like that.) is the absolute best. Dora’s the motherfucking Oprah of kid’s TV.
Little Einstein’s is absolute crap, as is most of the rest of Playhouse Disney. If Dora is the kid version of Oprah, Disney is the kid version of the Catholic Church.
Over on PBS, Curious George is pretty weak even for an animated monkey.
Super Why is a strong newcomer but it’s a little freaky in some way I can’t quite explain Let’s just say it’s not something I’d want to be tripping and watch.
Tough to say about Dragon Tales cause I’ve seen every goat-blowin’ episode like a brazillion times (and that ain’t the newspaper in Rio). They got that new kid now, however. Not sure I like him really, he upsets the Emmy-Max dynamic that really drove the older shows. They should have made the new kid younger. Or maybe the dragons will roast him and eat him sooner or later.
Then there’s that show with the big hairy stoner creature where they all live in a tree. Seriously, the main character is a totally wastoid, as we used to say back in the dorm. It’s like Keanu Reeves covered in 70’s shag carpeting.
Blue’s Clues hasn’t really recovered from Steve’s departure. Joe tries hard, but it’s just not the same without Steve’s jaunty insouciance. Catch the reruns and you’ll see what I mean.
That’s it for my kid TV roundup. Stay tuned for my pocket summary of Internet pr0n.
Wait a minute!
There is stuff other than sports on TV?
OK. Letterman.
And BBC World News.
Hey, while we’re on the subject – are there any shows on TV today that are openly, unabashedly liberal? Or even just a little left-leaning?
Shit, no sooner did I post that than I realized I missed the Wiggles. They suck.
And I forgot the Teletubbies. They’re okay, mainly because it’s so inexplicably weird. 4 puffy things with built-in video players and some kind of antennas on their heads, living in a remote underground facility with an animate vacuum cleaner. Dobson had one thing right. I fully expect to see Tinky Winky and Dipsy going at it one of these days. Course I also fully expect to see Patrick McGoohan running through being chased by a giant floating blancmange.
Are you delusional? Or just a typical liberal liar?
All of television is liberal communist socialist Islamic terrorist synpathizers.
They don’t even let conservatives on television. (And don’t say Fox News because they are independent and even pander to the left with the inclusion of Alan Colmes.)
Liberals. Hmf.
Wow, Jas! You sure smoked that one out quickly! Nicely done!
Mr Wonderful, you are, dare I say it, old-fashioned.
Sophie, I must say, I’d be more than just a little impressed, if the average neocon didn’t tend to out him or herself within minutes of beginning to speak.
someone please explain how an interracial kiss fit into the Republican agenda of the 60s?
Simple–you just have to embrace some nice wingnut sleight of hand. As most non-idiots know, at the time, the big debate was integration vs. segregation, and, generally speaking, conservatives were for segregation, liberals were for integration. Now here’s the sleight of hand: In the South, conservatives were Democrats. Therefore, in the South, it was the Republicans who voted liberal. But then there was the whole Dixiecrat thing, and integration became an official plank of the Democratic party, which pissed off all those racist Southerners, who promptly left the Democratic party and walked straight into the open arms of the Republican party.
You’re supposed to think that the parties have never changed or had internal conflicts. You’re supposed to think that it has always been GOP = conservative, Dems = liberal. So, yes, a certain segment of the Republican party was pro-integration–largely by virtue of the fact that they weren’t conservatives. The wingnuts want you to think that that segment of Republicans–the liberal segment–is the same thing as the conservative Republican party of today. Basically, they’re arguing that Republicans ended segregation by acting like liberals. Funny argument for a wingnut to make.
It’s a pretty pathetic attempt at rewriting history. Even more pathetic? They’ll probably succeed, given enough time.
PS: That Clownhall comments section is fan-fucking-tastic. It’s like the Asshurt Olympics over there. “Damn liberal TV with its overly liberal liberal bias toward liberals!”
No, really people, read her “round-up,” and follow the Michael Clancy link. Make sure you do it in time for dinner.
someone please explain how an interracial kiss fit into the Republican agenda of the 60s?
Wait – what? Good gods. Do these guys even LOOK at any history?
I try not watch network TV- still bitter about Firefly… Damn you FOX! DAAAAAMMMMN YOOOUUUU!!!!
Hey, there’s Olbermann, the Baseball playoffs and CSPAN. What the hell else do you need.
Oh, and get off my lawn…
mikey
and someone please explain how an interracial kiss fit into the Republican agenda of the 60s?
The same way that – 40 years from now – wingnuts will claim that Brokeback Mountain fit into the Republican agenda of the early 21st Century.
You’re going to pay for that movie comment and for calling us “wingnuts,” Mister DNA, when Laura Bush runs against Hillary Clinton (if she, God forbid, wins in 08) and wins.
The interracial kiss fit in nicely with the Republican agenda because, as geeks like me remember, Captain Kirk kissed a black woman WHILE ALIENS WERE CONTROLLING HIS MIND. He fought it in typical, delightful, Shatneresque fashion, but he was still FORCED to smooch Uhura by evil aliens.
Three lessons here. One, it is absolutely inconceivable that a white man would ever kiss a black woman unless he was under crazy outer space mind control. Two, that maybe Star Trek wasn’t the progressive bastion of 1960s liberalism that we like to remember. Three, I hate myself.
The Dixiecrat angle on civil rights legislation is true, but there is more to the story. Everettt Mckinley Dirksen broke the Dixiecrat filibuster in the Senate and deserves credit for his courage and leadership. Of course, he’d be hounded out of the Repub party today as a rino of the first order. Here are his words in 1964:
Not many Republicans around like that today.
What, that guy won’t watch Brothers and Sisters? It’s got Callista Flockhart as Ann Coulter on it!
Yes, but it stars Sally Fields, who is this week’s Teh Anti-Christ (Hollywood Division) on the Talibangelical Index Mediabrorum Prohibitorum.
Dirty Sexy Money is fun, mostly because Donald Sutherland, Jill Clayburgh, and Peter Krause are great actors, and the writers (plus most of the rest of the cast) are scrambling to keep up. Also, every single thing about the show seems designed to make Talibangelical heads explode, starting from the basic premise that no one individual is either entirely wicked or wholly virtuous. In one throwaway scene from the latest episode, the bitter, santimonious Episcopal priest tells his niece (at the extended-family dinner table) he entered the clergy because “I never felt a part of the human family. I didn’t have any pull towards politics, or business. And I couldn’t just be a man of leisure — to do that successfully, you have to have friends.”
Apart from that, not enough people know that Netflix is a wonderful source for catching up on all those shows one doesn’t hear about until they’ve been cancelled or neutered. They’ll even rent you the version of PLANET EARTH with the original David Attenborough commentary, rather than the dumbed-down American Signorney Weaver rescript.
This sitcom, starring two of Hollywood’s most prominent conservatives, represents a sort of full-employment program for Tinsel Town right-wingers.
What, her criterion for recommending a show is that its stars are conservative? How did she miss “Shark”?
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of medical shows being conservative. House? Really? The title character is a pompous, narcissistic, drug-addicted atheist…
Oh wait. Well, three out of four is still pretty close…
And the whole “they’re not killing babies, they must be conservative” thing’s getting pretty old by now, isn’t it? Or are they still having orgasms over Knocked Up?
Has anyone seen the show “Big Shots”? That is some pretty misogynist shit. I get lots of wingnuts would love it.
OT: Mary Katherine Ham is wearing a really cute necklace (probably from Kenya) in that picture. I heart Kenya.
Anne Laurie, I think this calls for a jammyparty. My partner got me Planet Earth, the BBC version, in HD. And won’t watch it with me.
The title character is a pompous, narcissistic, drug-addicted atheist…
Oh wait.
Yeah, but House is smart, and everyone knows that smartitude has a clear liberal bias.
Why were the aliens making Kirk kiss Uhura? Why? Why not Spock?
Damn preview. I hates you forever. Liar.
I think this calls for a jammyparty. My partner got me Planet Earth, the BBC version, in HD. And won’t watch it with me.
D, when they hear the dog-alerting * squeeee! adorable! cuteness overload! * noises coming from the tv room, your partner will watch it with you. There are also some dam’ fine slaughter scenes, if they prefer the cool gore stuff.
Although I’m always up for a good jammyparty. I can probably talk *my* partner into staying home alone, but would you mind if I brought the small furry rescue dog? (He doesn’t really care what’s on the screen, but if there are humans eating popcorn in bed, Zevon’s gotta be there.)
Because Spock was kissing Nurse Chapel, silly pants!
Ok, call me the unsophisticated dupe of a formulaic TV show, but did you ever think what the world would be like if everyone was like the characters of CSI Las Vegas? OK, not Brass, the intolerant, narrow-minded guy with personal, emotional issues, but the forensic team? They approach their work problems pragmatically, non-judgmentally, expecting to answer questions by looking at the evidence. What if all voters were like them? Seriously, do you think anyone in that show except Brass and Conrad Ecklie would have voted for Bush in 2000? Would even Brass have voted for Bush in 2004? Can you see it? I can’t.
I think that there IS a liberal bias to to CSI Las Vegas because attention is paid to facts. Isn’t that anti-conservative?
“Turn back the clock with these new shows, where even the camera angles are conservative.”
So the camera is guaranteed to peek up little girls’ skirts and amble around men’s toilets?
My partner got me Planet Earth, the BBC version, in HD. And won’t watch it with me.
The Frau Doktorin and Doktorling Sonja are both besotted with David Attenborough. He is spearheading the idea that aged wrinkly dudes with mumbly voices are sexy, so he can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned.
Gaping wounds don’t respond well to ad-hominem attacks. 😉
Speaking of CSI:
I was waiting for the fundie sh*tstorm over “Walt’s dad” tossing a cranky teen over a railing to her death because she was obviously possessed.
Expected the nutjobs at FRC to go off and the MSM blindly reports on it. Maybe they are saving that faux outrage for the War on Christmas / Christianity special.
Actually Scubs is one of my favorite shows…I picked up on it waiting for the Daily Show and really love it…it’s doesn’t seem to be paticularly Red or Blue in its approach….just rather snarky and mean spirited which appeals to the worst in me I guess…
Maybe that’s why it’s recommended as a “Red” show….
Hehe. I watch ‘How It’s Made’ ‘How They Do It’ and ‘Building It Bigger’ – but I like industry and construction, so I only watch ‘Modern Marvels’ when it’s materials science or engineering. How the Red-Staters ever get past the point that all the new tech factories are all in Europe and SE Asia, I’ll never know…
I’ll watch ‘Unwrapped’ when there’s nothing else on, because it’s fun… And heck, there’s so many channels repeating Law&Order now I’ve seen all the episodes more times than I have fingers on a hand.
I watch ‘House’, ‘Psych’, ‘Monk’, and even ‘The Closer’ on cable TV – when they’re new. Nothing like evil atheist heros, I always say ^-^ I suppose that’s why they have them on FOX. Gotta show House as being all evil and amoral.
I try to watch CSI, but they get their science wrong so often that it pisses me off. And there’s three versions of the show to watch! Ugh. (they invade Second Life on the 24th of this month, tho)
Of course, I watch SciFi channel for ‘Eureka’, ‘Stargate: Atlantis’, and umm… Well, they cancelled everything else I watched. And Cartoon Network when they actually play cartoons, so Saturday nights.
Oh, I watch a little bit of HD tv, too – so I’ve been watching ‘Chuck’ and ‘Journey Man’ – which are okay, not as exciting as the stuff when I was a kid, but hey. And ‘Women’s Murder Club’ looks like I won’t want to kill any writers after watching it, of course, the actresses they have are very good at the tech details, they’ve all been on Law & Order.
But geepers creepers… How do the redstaters deal with the cognitive dissonance? Most shows are written for them. And while most aren’t set in red states, few are set out west in the blue, either… (I mentioned four here, fantasy west doesn’t count)
Oh! Shows they missed that are for red-staters:
‘My Name is Earl’ and ‘Saving Grace’ ugh.
Okay, Earl is hilarious. Oh, and ‘The Office’ is a conservative version of the British show… I don’t watch any of these. x-x
The Frau Doktorin and Doktorling Sonja are both besotted with David Attenborough. He is spearheading the idea that aged wrinkly dudes with mumbly voices are sexy, so he can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned.
Hell, my husband is besotted with David Attenborough. I am pretty sure if a circumstance arose where I could spend a little … quality time with Sir David, the only thing that would make my husband mad is if I didn’t ask him to join us.
“Expected the nutjobs at FRC to go off and the MSM blindly reports on it. Maybe they are saving that faux outrage for the War on Christmas / Christianity special.”
Aha! As far as I’ve been able to detect, this comment represents the first grenade launch of the season, aimed at conservative Christians (who could have guessed?)
Well, I haven’t built any new musical weapons of mass construction to respond to such an attack, so I’ll have to dig up this old one. If you don’t think the war on Christmas is real, try shopping at the…
Best Buy Inn…
Words and music by Dr. BLT ©2006
http://www.drblt.net/music/BestBI.mp3
Once again this year, you’ll find no room at the Inn for Christmas or for baby Jesus.
Bah ha ha.
Jesus loves me this I know.
My mp3s will tell you so.
Little ones to him belong.
Go to my website and buy this song.
The right-wing used to be pretty fond of “Dancing With The Stars.”
Tom Delay wrote a letter to his supporters soliciting support for Sara Evans last year. “Sara Evans has been a strong supporter of the Republican Party and represents good American values in the media. From singing at the 2004 Republican Convention to appearing with candidates in the last several election cycles, we have always been able to count on Sara for her support of the things we all believe in. … One of her opponents on the show is ultra liberal talk show host Jerry Springer. We need to send a message to Hollywood and the media that smut has no place on television by supporting good people like Sara Evans.”
Of course, that plan didn’t work out so well when Sara Evans quit the show because of a messy divorce.
“Bah ha ha.
Jesus loves me this I know.
My mp3s will tell you so.
Little ones to him belong.
Go to my website and buy this song.”
Not bad for a beginning lyricist, but to this, I say Bah Humbug! If you really want to follow in the footsteps of Dr BLT, you must put aside worldly wishes for money and fame, and simply give your songs away. That’s what Jesus would do.